Milk & Honeys
Milk & Honeys" is the perfect blend of raw industry insights and unfiltered realness. Like the ingredients that sweeten and smooth out a cup of tea, hosts Kayla Becker (TV host of 10 years) and Vanessa Curry (model and actress of 10 years) bring their own flavors to the conversation— Together, they spill the tea on what it really takes to live and thrive in LA’s entertainment scene.
So, grab a mug and sip on some Milk & Honeys—because we’re serving the tea with all the right ingredients.
Milk & Honeys
Episode 10: Flasks, Feelings, and Family Issues w/ Kayla Becker and Vanessa Curry
Kayla and Vanessa dive into a candid conversation about toxic traits, emotional baggage, and how we can acknowledge our flaws while still being fabulous.
• Examining toxic traits we're aware of but not working on, including people-pleasing and emotional avoidance
• Discussing inherited toxic traits from family members and how they shape our relationships
• Reflecting on whether we're where we thought we'd be in life versus current reality
• Exploring how one different choice can completely change life's trajectory
• Embracing the freedom to be "selfish" at this stage of life without children or major responsibilities
• Finding humor in our flaws while acknowledging areas for potential growth
We're always striving to build an authentic community where we can share our real selves. Connect with us on social media and let us know what toxic traits you're embracing or working on in your life.
You asked for this. You pushed me. Here you go, buckle up, get ready.
Speaker 2:You asked for this. Don't cry now.
Speaker 1:Welcome back everybody to Milk and Honey. We always introduce ourselves. We'll do it again. In case you've forgotten, I'm Kayla Becker and I'm Vanessa Curry. Yeah, so now we ended last week's episode talking about like urinating and places, but also teasing that we were going to talk a little bit about like toxic traits and emotional baggage things that we all have, whether we want to admit it or not but we can still be a good time at brunch, though, so yeah, we're gonna talk about, like personality flaws, that uh, we rebranded uh and called them boundaries boundaries, right, we're all trying to learn to have boundaries.
Speaker 1:Like I told you, know y'all, last week I did start therapy, so I'm still trying, like we. It's all about growth, yes, right, and acknowledging what might be wrong with us. I don't think that's like the phrase that alejandro likes me to use. There's nothing wrong with us, there's just room to grow.
Speaker 1:Exactly, exactly so we're going to ask each other some questions. This is almost like we're letting you kind of inside of, like the living room right now, of a Vanessa and Kayla conversation that we normally would have after three glasses of wine, but right now she's drinking a latte, yep. So when we ask these questions to ourselves, maybe turn to your friend or your family member, your dog, and ask them the same question.
Speaker 2:I love that Right.
Speaker 1:So I think we're just going to get right into it. We're going to talk about some toxic traits, okay, yep, so what's a toxic trait that you're?
Speaker 2:fully aware of and absolutely not working on. Okay, so I guess I'm I'm trying to work on it. So I don't know, but I have trouble just saying yes to everything. And it's not because I have FOMO, yeah, it's just. I genuinely want to say yes and I want to have all the energy in the world to go do something and even if, for some reason, it like doesn't sometimes, even if it doesn't feel right I know I should be saying no, but I still say yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I really do want to try and work on that.
Speaker 1:But she's not going to, and that's okay. I just like being with my people.
Speaker 2:I know I struggle with that too.
Speaker 1:I'm like you know. There's some days it's like you don't need to go out for everything. We're trying to save money in this economy. Going out and getting a vodka soda in West Hollywood is $18. And it's like we're trying to build a future.
Speaker 2:Well, and also I mean, here's the thing.
Speaker 1:It's like we used to do that growing up. I don't know why we're not doing it now. Right, I'm like.
Speaker 2:Bring back flasks Exactly.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:They have so many different types.
Speaker 1:They have bras. You can fill up your bra with liquid.
Speaker 2:They have tampons, like fake tampons that you can put shots in the tampons. Really I swear I had them, not like growing up, like before you could drink vodka, and then you'd insert it because not?
Speaker 1:you'd like insert in your butt, though I think, oh my god, I never did this.
Speaker 2:I heard this and I might be. I was like wait, did you try this?
Speaker 1:I might be telling it wrong, because I don't know which way up up the front would hurt, but it gets into your system quicker. So then you get drunker faster, and so kids used to do this at parties.
Speaker 2:I have never heard of that.
Speaker 1:Kids do not try this at home, but if you do, please let us know how it goes. Um, okay, one of my toxic traits yeah, that I am fully aware of and that my friends make me more aware of, that I'm absolutely not working on is my lack of, and and my disgust of, like raw emotions. Like I know, I'm very emotionally immature, so I dare anybody to try to do something about it. I'm talking to you, alejandro. Okay, I don't like emotions, but I'm reading a book right now called adult children of immature parents or something. Wow, I love that you remembered that title.
Speaker 1:I may have butchered it, but it's basically like telling me, like why I'm like that, and maybe, mom and dad, maybe we should sit down and talk, okay, anyway, speaking of that, what's a toxic trait you inherited from your family? But now you wear like a personality necklace. Oh, want me to go first? Yeah, so, speaking of my family, I have this ability to disappear from people's lives and never go back. I think it's because, for those who don't know, I was raised in a foster home. So, at nine years old, getting ripped away from one family and thrown into another, I got really accustomed to knowing how to like say goodbye and like shut off the emotions behind it. So there's been plenty of people in my life, family and friends included. If we get to I don't, you do not serve me anymore in my mental health. I will cut you off and I don't even think about you again.
Speaker 2:I can just, I can just like pluck you out from my which is great for your own mental health, but not so much for theirs, probably, and it's a really bad habit.
Speaker 1:I should try to like work through, but it's easier to forget than to deal with it.
Speaker 2:I think something that I've taken from my family specifically, like honestly, like my mom, where she is friends with everyone she she really is, and there's groups sometimes that don't get along with somebody else, even till this day, like adults, you know, like things like that, um, and I think people hate on her, sometimes secretly, like they don't let her know because my mom's so amazing and like everyone loves her, duh, but, but it is something where some people I'm sure would say, oh, you see everyone's side, so you don't even have your own side, like you don't even know what you're talking about. And it's like I do that too. I really genuinely try to see both sides. I try to talk to people about a situation rather than just like cutting them off. You know, I want to know, I want to be able to cut you off because it's my choice, because I've heard and seen all the cards lay it out on the table. So it is. It is something where I think people are like, oh well, you just like everybody and dah, dah, dah, dah, do you?
Speaker 1:believe in that phrase A friend to all is a friend to none, yeah. So I think that's one Could be it too. I don't think that's what you do either. I do, I do. I watch this firsthand, even with people that we know you do try to see everyone's side and give everyone the opportunity to show their true colors and how they feel, but then yeah, just say their side of the story.
Speaker 2:And here's the thing Someone Just say their side of the story. And here's the thing Someone in my friend group could tell me their side of the story and I could still not agree with it. I'm not going to come at you aggressively about it, but I will say, yeah, like this is a concern and I want to hear you out because obviously the people in my life I love I don't just have random people in my circle, Not anymore you know. So everyone in there is important Good Whew. So everyone in there is important.
Speaker 1:That was our toxic trait Whoa. I feel like we need a shot.
Speaker 2:I know we should have, yeah, we should have, but no, this is a toxic trait is that we drink to suppress our feelings.
Speaker 1:So we're not doing that. It's gross.
Speaker 2:No, where is the flask? We need the flask.
Speaker 1:Okay, I don't know about unhinged life plans because I don't know, but life has thrown me for an absolute fucking curveball this last year, do you think? I mean, and also we need to give ourselves credit For us at this point in our life we've done a lot of really cool stuff and we've made it really far. Where do you think you'd actually be right now If you were like are you where you thought you would be? Los Angeles, west Hollywood.
Speaker 2:Some parts, some parts I feel like I am, but I feel like there's so much more for me to do. And yeah, I mean the last with the strike you know the actress strike and the fires this year you know that was this year, and just let's not forget that you know um, just, there's just been a lot going on in the last I feel like two and a half years I've been in this.
Speaker 2:I feel like I'm in like a Tumblr of different emotion and trying to get, and sometimes my foot comes out but then it goes back. So, no, I wouldn't say that I am where I think I thought I'd be a little bit further in my career, not to say not to take anything away from my career. I've had an amazing career. I've been on billboards, I've been on TV, I've been on movies, I've been on sets that have changed my life, you know. But not to say that those lulls can't happen and you start to revert back to that person where you're like am I supposed to be doing this? That imposter syndrome, yeah, kicks in real quick what about taking out the career?
Speaker 1:even like thinking about, like, like growing up. For me, growing up in a small town where, like people, graduated high school at 18, got married, popped out two kids, working at whatever you know, like I think that's something what's interesting Cause I think when I was younger I thought, for sure, by the age I'm 34.
Speaker 1:Now I would have never. I would never have said that at 34, I would not be married, I would not own a house and I would still be out until 2am at the bar on a weekend, Right, Like that's what's kind of crazy. I mean, life is just different now than it was back then. It's a different time, it's a different reality than small town Alabama to Los Angeles, California. But that's something I think nine year old Kayla would have been like yo what?
Speaker 2:Yes, you ain't married yet, bitch Right? No, I definitely think 13 year old me is literally saying how freaking cool I am Because I do like I love who I am. I love who I am still becoming. But it's hard, it's a challenge. But I do think that the 13-year-old me who tried to lie about things I was never a good liar, okay, I just. I had to learn that at a, at somewhat of a teenager life moment that like just, you're not a good liar, like I'm not. So when I learned how to not do that and just tell the truth because sometimes speaking the truth to people is a lot harder than telling a lie but then the lies start to add up and start forgetting the lies, and they all get mixed up in each other.
Speaker 1:I know I'm not a bad liar too.
Speaker 2:I'm not a good liar. You put me on a lie detector.
Speaker 1:Some people can trick a lie detector.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Those are some like those are some. That's a terrifying. I don't think I'd want that person in my friend group who can trick a lie detector. No, yeah, I have like probably so many tells yeah and.
Speaker 2:I've gotten really good at being able to have those hard conversations even if they're uncomfortable, but coming at it to a place with grace and compassion. I just I try don't get me wrong Once I pop off, it's hard to go back in, but it takes a lot for me to pop off. Same, same, same. Yeah, when it happens.
Speaker 1:It's funny, I was like arguing with an ex and they were way more of like they're way more of a communicator than I am, and so I'll listen. I'll sit there and listen and I'm sorry. You're really good at that, I'll sit there, I'll sit there, and then I keep going.
Speaker 2:You keep poking the bear, poking the bear.
Speaker 1:I remember one time I didn't even have words. I went from being quiet to like ah, like I just yelled, I was like it just popped off. And then it was like devil, like you, just you asked for this, you pushed me. Here you go, buckle up, get ready.
Speaker 2:The horror you asked for this Yep.
Speaker 1:The horror, kayla comes out, don't cry it out and just to be clear, she's saying horror, not whore Kayla.
Speaker 2:Yes, whore-er, that's a different time.
Speaker 1:I'll put that number on the screen if you're looking for her 1-800. 1-800.
Speaker 2:You finish the rest.
Speaker 1:So we were talking about this earlier. But it is funny how life you know what's there're saying Tell God your plans and he'll laugh whatever. Like nothing ever turns out the way that you think. Yep, but it's almost like life is such a choose, your own adventure, like if you take this path, this could be how it ends, and vice versa, Like one one different choice in what you made can completely change the trajectory of your life, like one for me. I was engaged like 10 years ago and it's so fun, I mean great guy and he's very. He's happily married with a child now. So happy for him. But I'm like what if I had actually gone through with this engagement, living in the desert, I'd probably be barefoot and pregnant, probably wouldn't be working, definitely wouldn't have met. You had this podcast.
Speaker 2:Like it's just so funny to think how one different choice in our lives can just deter the entire plan Absolutely.
Speaker 2:I think about sometimes I had an ex and I could have an 18 year old child right now, but it didn't happen that way and, um, I am forever grateful, like you know, obviously. I know I would have been a great mom and I would have figured it out, and I know I would have had the help that I needed and the support. But I can't imagine till this day if that would have went the path, yeah, and still had that person in my life, yeah, oh, my God, it honestly like makes me sick to my stomach, like thank goodness it didn't happen that way. You know what I mean. I just and so that is something where, yeah, I don't, we probably wouldn't be here right now and trying to make this dream happen, you know, because now my life doesn't matter, it's this person's life and that's the type of mom I will be one day when, I have a child, like, okay, not that my life is over, it's never over but now this thing right here.
Speaker 1:Now you can focus on this, because you've done the things that you've wanted to do, yeah, and then you're not going to resent this thing. Yes, you know, yes.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I still love being able to go out on a Wednesday, you know, with Kayla or somebody else, and we get home at 2 am and it's a Wednesday, I know and we're just like okay, but we can Like, we don't have to worry about like any you know thing to go home and take care of, and that's needing you, of course.
Speaker 1:You can just kind of and it's like we are choosing to be selfish at this point in our lives because we can and we did make that decision, which I think is you know me growing up with a mom who still wanted to do what we're doing, but also have kids at home, and so that affected me very. You know deeply, right on her part to do which I think we're just doing things. Romeo and Michelle, don't get mad at you when you come home. No, my cats love it because they know the second, they get the house to themselves.
Speaker 2:And then I come home and they meow at me until the day I die.
Speaker 1:They are obsessed.
Speaker 2:They are the queens of the house. Okay, we're talking about my cats by the way.
Speaker 1:Yes, oh my God, we're not children or anything like that. They're meowing at you at 2am.
Speaker 2:Uh, no, the best part is I had, uh, the first time I met a friends of mine and we were at we were in Palm Springs, uh at a friend's house, and they kept saying, oh, we got to go back to the other house. They were staying at their brother's house and they were like, oh, we gotta go back to the other house and feed the baby and I said I'm sorry you have a baby at the other house. No-transcript no-transcript.
