Milk & Honeys
Milk & Honeys" is the perfect blend of raw industry insights and unfiltered realness. Like the ingredients that sweeten and smooth out a cup of tea, hosts Kayla Becker (TV host of 10 years) and Vanessa Curry (model and actress of 10 years) bring their own flavors to the conversation— Together, they spill the tea on what it really takes to live and thrive in LA’s entertainment scene.
So, grab a mug and sip on some Milk & Honeys—because we’re serving the tea with all the right ingredients.
Milk & Honeys
Episode 27: It’s Literally Science: Finding Daily Joy with Kathleen Ives
Joy doesn’t need perfect circumstances—it needs presence and small, repeatable choices. Author, spiritual medium, and death doula Kathleen Ives joins us to talk about her book “7 Ways to Live in Joy Today” and her 5-6-7-8 method for building joy from micro moments: sleeping 30 minutes earlier, swapping one numbing habit for one nourishing one, and setting boundaries that protect your energy.
We explore joy as a daily practice—not a performance—plus Kathleen’s refreshing take on money, death, and meaning. She opens up about her mediumship and death doula work, sharing simple rituals for honoring endings and finding beauty in small things.
End with a one-minute joy audit you can do anywhere: one slow breath, three things you find beautiful. It’s literally science—and it works.
New episodes every Wednesday. Tag us when you try the one-breath practice!
All right, welcome back everyone to Milk and Honey. Today's episode's a little extra special than usual. It's about finding joy even when life feels like chaos. And we all know, we all experience it right now, especially. Life is full of a lot of that these days. We're joined by someone who literally teaches people how to do that for a living, author, spiritual medium, and death doula, Kathleen Ives. Yes.
SPEAKER_03:And uh she's also one of my good friends. So this feels very, very, very special. I've watched her build this beautiful practice of helping people live with more peace, humor, and heart. And now she's bottled it all up into her new book, Seven Ways to Live in Joy Today.
SPEAKER_04:Not to make any of y'all jealous, but I just got my autograph coffee.
SPEAKER_03:Wow.
SPEAKER_04:I know she. Maybe you could get one too. Yeah, because I don't have an autograph copy. Sorry what I've had today. So we see. So everyone grab your tea, your journal, or your emotional support snack because we're talking about real-world joy, boundaries, grief, and the kind of growth that doesn't require a ring light. Kathleen, welcome to Milk and Honeys.
SPEAKER_01:I'm so excited to be here. You guys, I love talking about deep stuff. I don't like surface level foo-foo conversations. And I like, I love your guys' podcast. Oh, that's so sweet.
SPEAKER_04:Well, that's I've been, I think we're about six months in, and Vanessa's had to really pull the deep out of me. Yeah. Because it's it that was always something that's a little harder for me. So I think we've we've experienced some growth together as podcast hosts. She gets to two breaths right now. We'll get to three eventually. Yeah, we stimulated. Yeah. That's okay. Yeah. Like growing up being forced to like do prayers after everything. I'm like got so like bored after like five seconds of prayer. So I think it's just triggering to I feel you.
SPEAKER_01:Honestly, prayer to me is shaking my ass in the kitchen. Exactly.
SPEAKER_04:It is. Well, uh, Kathleen, yes, we were so excited that you were here. I know you and Vanessa have known each other for a long time, and I'm really excited to get to know you myself now. We're gonna dive into your book, uh, Seven Ways to Live and Joy today. But before we do that, I want people to learn a little bit about Show. When you got in here, we were kind of talking about life before being an author.
SPEAKER_01:I was I I never in a million years thought I would be an author right now. I worked in corporate for 10 years. I was in corporate marketing. I worked for skincare brands, I worked in the pet industry. When I was a little girl, I watched 13 Going on 30. And I was like, I want to be Jenna Rink. Yeah, I want the big girl job. I want to be the corporate patty. That'll make me happy. I'll be successful. And then when I did it, I sat there and I was like, okay, I did it. I have a team, I'm a director, I did the thing. I wasn't, there was something tugging at me. I just I wasn't happy. I was like, this is not what I'm meant to be doing. And I got freed from my corporate job. And I thought, oh my God, what a gift. What, what a gift. I have to use this. And so I went through this whole transformation in the last five years. I was in a 10-year relationship. I was in a completely different career. I had my soul dog, I was living in Colorado, totally different life. And so I'm like, okay, if I have this gift, I need to use it to help people. And I used all these tools, all these methods, everything to help myself grow, get out of it, pull myself out of a well, and make joy truly my baseline. And it's not that I'm never sad. It's just joy is the baseline now where I can feel my feelings and then come back to that joyful state.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And I was like, how can I take what I did? Because no one wants to leave read a 400-page dissertation on mental health. So I was like, how do I take what I did and break it down into tiny bite-sized moments? I mean, the book is like 114 pages. So yes. You know, easy peasy doors. And um, so yeah, I wrote it, I published it. I was sitting there looking for author or um publishers, and I'm like, why am I going with a publishing house? I've done marketing for 10 years. So I did it myself, had a wonderful mentor, learned how to publish. Now I'm publishing other people's books and their voices and amplifying more women. And that's amazing.
SPEAKER_02:That's amazing.
SPEAKER_01:I love it. I took everything I loved from my job and creating and making videos. I still make content creation for brands, and I love doing it. And I have my spiritual clients, and I never thought in a million years I can make a life out of this and live in LA by myself and have all these things and up like keep up my lifestyle from what makes my soul happy.
SPEAKER_03:So that was we can learn a lot from you. So that's amazing. Congratulations on the I love that. Uh, makes my soul happy. I want to go back because uh you and I have talked about how joy isn't the same thing as being happy 24-7, right? Uh, what made you first spark the light to write this book?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I think I woke up from a dream, honestly. And I always liked to write, but I never thought I was a writer. I was, I would just journal or write little things here and there. But I saw all these coaches online with their programs and their courses and their, you know, containers, and it just didn't resonate with me. I didn't want to make a PowerPoint course, and I was like, how can I get this information out there? And I was like, let me just write and see what happens. And then it started, I I specifically didn't want to do chapters and have it be a whole thing you have. I did doors. So it's like any door you want to walk through, you could start at door eight, you could start at door two, doesn't matter. Like, no pressure. I was someone who never finished books. I would get it, pick it up, put it down. Like, I don't want this to be anxietal for someone. Right. So I was like, how do I make this non-anxiety a fun read? And yeah, it just came together and I just kept going. I kept writing like no one was ever gonna read it, and then editing down after, and it came together, and I'm I'm so happy. Like I designed everything to be like energy and joyful and absolutely this.
SPEAKER_04:I mean, even it's U to a T. Yes, yes, and even like just the cover, yeah. It's very playful, it's very light. I feel like like you said, there's a lot of mental health books out there that just seem so heavy, not just in size, but just in appearance and feeling. So I think that is really great that you have like made it a point to make it so uh so so playful. Yeah, and a lot of times spirit spirituality can sound very heavy. Um you kind of just hit on it now, but how where this uh kind of came from in your own life, the approach you said, because you didn't want to sit down and have to read a 400-page book.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, and I also even if somebody just bought it and had the intention of reading it and like look at it every day, and it's like, oh, it's pretty, it makes sense. It's really some great decor.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly. Like, no pressure.
SPEAKER_03:I also love how in between the chapters, there, I mean, I know you haven't but see it yet, but there's like room for you after every chapter to journal. And obviously, yes, doodle because I was gonna say, Kathleen even says in there, if if you want to draw your your cup of coffee in the morning, just draw it there, like be playful, do whatever you want with these lines. This is for you just to release whatever you need to release, and that is so powerful. And I love that. Um, I can't wait to go back because I some of the times I didn't write in it, but the fun part is I get to go back and reread the chapters and say, like, okay, this is each chapter is a prompt, yeah, which is awesome. And I love that. So if you wanted to take the each chapter day by day, you could do that and just keep going over and over because there's plenty of room to write after every chapter, which is really cool.
SPEAKER_01:And even though I live a very spiritual life, I mean, I grew up going to Catholic school, I had a lot of Catholic trauma, I've been healing, and I really wanted to make this book not necessarily a spiritual book. Like it's inherently spiritual because it's from my soul, but it is for anyone without using energy and meditation. And it's very like, I know a lot of I grew up in the Midwest, and I know a lot of people there that cringe at the word energy. They cringe at meditating, and I don't, I didn't want it to be this pressure. So I just pop the pressure is there, honey.
SPEAKER_03:It's a magnetism. I saw it magnetism.
SPEAKER_04:So since we do have you in here, uh talking about you know from the spark and inspire the book, we thought maybe it would be a good time for our viewers uh to have you help us get into the actual ways that you teach people how to live in joy. Yes. Um, so you laid out seven ways to live in joy. So let's do a quick highlight reel for those of us who have not read it yet. If someone's listening from rock bottom, which way should they start with?
SPEAKER_01:Ooh, I love my Vanessa will love this. Um, my five four three two one method or five six seven.
SPEAKER_00:Five six seven eight method.
SPEAKER_01:My my five, six, seven, eight method is the way I changed my life so quickly. You know, like a dancer, you hear five, six, seven, eight. You don't learn a choreography all at once. Nobody learns the whole dance all at once. You start with little bits, you start with the five, you learn the first move. Do that move for two weeks until you get it down. Then you can add on another move, and then do those two for two weeks, and then you add on another little move. And I'm talking like maybe go to bed 30 minutes earlier, you know, and maybe smoke one joint instead of two per day. Like whatever it is you want to change in your life, those little bite-sized things will add up to big changes. You don't have to do everything all at once because then it's it doesn't stick.
SPEAKER_04:And I love that because it is overwhelming. I think it's you know, when we have those days where we have a list and that's been telling Vanessa lately, she's been doing, she's working so much all the time. And when you look at your list, it just gets so overwhelming and to the point sometimes you just don't want to do any of it at all. Oh. And so I think that is a great way to look at life, you know, you don't have to do it all at once.
SPEAKER_03:No, it's a no, and you've and you've taught me to like do those tiny little daily moments and choices to make your life joyful. Yeah. But can you share one of those like small joys that you had today, maybe, or like your daily small piece of joy that you always have? Oh my gosh. Like an example for somebody.
SPEAKER_01:This might be just from PTSD from corporate, but I love waking up with no alarm clock. And I wake up when my body wants to wake up, and then I put my little robes on. I love my silk robes, and I walk around my house and I make a latte, and I sit and I'll do my gratitude journal and just listen to music. Nobody's bothering me, nobody's pinging me. I don't have any Teams notifications, and I'm I just sit there in so much gratitude, and I'm like, you know what? Nothing needs to be rushed. Right. Like, you don't have to rush life. I think working in such a high stress environment for so long, everything was an SOS fire drill. Need this, need that. It's not like we're selling eye cream.
SPEAKER_04:Right. I need my eye cream stack.
SPEAKER_03:If there was someone um in the corporate world still, what would you tell them? How would you tell them to start finding those little choices of joy for themselves, like in the morning?
SPEAKER_04:To slow down, to help them slow down.
SPEAKER_01:Ooh, I actually did this before I quit corporate, and that helped me so much because I was like, okay, I can't change my situation right now. And that's okay. A lot of people can't. Obviously, a paycheck is nice, and this life isn't for everybody. So I'm not saying everyone quit their jobs and go start a flower shop.
SPEAKER_00:Everybody's heavily lives.
SPEAKER_01:And then I am not liable for you. But I started to see in every single job I've ever had, there's always something I loved. And even when I worked in restaurants, when I was a makeup artist, my favorite thing was connecting with people. I love to connect. And so I thought about it and I was like, I love running my team because I connect with the girls. I love being creative, I love making videos, I love doing photo shoots. And where can I focus that energy in my whole schedule? So instead of looking at my day like, oh, I have 13 meetings, I'm miserable, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, okay, in each meeting, where can I connect with someone or find a little more connection or come up with a creative idea or something that brings me joy in a situation that I don't necessarily love right now? And that completely changed everything because even though I was there, I let go of wanting to leave it. And I was just focused on okay, where can I add like 1% more joy to my day? And when I did that and let go of the misery, the universe was like, here's everything you want.
SPEAKER_04:Kind of really well, that kind of goes like, you know, you're right about that. How joy is a decision repeated, not a discovered, is something that you're actually having to choose to do every single day and in every single set situation. Jobs you don't like. I've been working on that. I can be a very negative Nancy about some things. And then I'm like, it's actually recently where I'm like waking up and like, no, let's talk about like, let me think what are the things that I'm very grateful for. I'm so fortunate to be living in West Hollywood and a great apartment. Yes, there's some hard things happening. I'm getting to do a podcast with my friend, getting to go do random, I'm celebrating my friend's 40th birthday tonight. Like just trying to say those things instead of yeah, I woke up at 4 a.m. I'm so tired. My bank account's low, you know.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Just a decision that you have to make every single day.
SPEAKER_01:Everything is energy. I started talking to money. I started talking to my bank account. I swear to God.
SPEAKER_04:When I opened you up after the show, you better have more of them.
SPEAKER_01:Well, it's true. I started looking at money as a relationship. It's an energy like anything else. And I know this sounds insane, but I started talking to money like I was in a relationship with it. And I was like, money is my boyfriend. Money is always there for me. Money loves being around me. Money feels safe with me. Money loves being spent by me. It is spent for good. It started money.
SPEAKER_03:I love you, money. Literally when this works.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. I'm telling you, after a while I started doing this. It sounds nuts, I know it, but after months of like really talking to money like it was a friend or a boyfriend, I stopped getting scared of checking my bank account. I more opportunities started coming to me. Not more work, just the same less work with more money. Right. And I was like, oh, okay, this isn't nuts. Yes, this is possible. This is possible.
SPEAKER_03:One of my favorite sections uh in the book is about boundaries as a joy practice. Yeah what's a go-to phrase um someone can use to say no with love?
SPEAKER_01:Ooh. I there's two. One thing I do every single day that I think is very important, especially as somebody who is very sensitive, very empathic. I have done this for years now, and it works every time. You can say whatever you want. You don't have to say my phrase, but I say I place divine light in front of me, behind me, to the left and to the right of me, as above, so below, and so it is. And I visualize sort of like an egg of light around me. And that is my bank teller window. So I can talk to any clients, any people, anyone who's negative, positive, in between, ton of trauma, no trauma, back, like it doesn't matter. I can sit there and talk to them and be in their presence and be in their energy, and I am not drained anymore because I am putting the intention of, hey, I have protection of my energy. So it is that bank teller window where you can speak to people, but they're not coming through. And so that has been so important. And you can literally be like, I'm putting on my hairy plot or cloak or whatever. Like it doesn't have to be that phrase, but the intention of protecting your energy and having that bank teller window, that is a boundary and that's like a physical, intentional boundary that is so helpful.
SPEAKER_04:And we just talked about that in our last episode because I know you had been kind of feeling some other people's energies and they've been kind of getting you down. Yeah. It is very easy for that to happen. So I think that's a really great piece of advice because all of us, especially those of us who are more empathetic and empaths, it's so easy to kind of just take on everybody else's.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's it's very easy to absorb.
SPEAKER_04:That is a boundary all need. Like, yeah, like that.
SPEAKER_03:Big teller wall, no. What's yours gonna be? Like, what are you gonna say? Are you gonna say a Harry Potter cloak? I never watched Harry Potter. Okay. Well, probably not. She's gonna say um, like some scary movie.
SPEAKER_04:Um so something else that I was really interested in learning more about you is uh one of the most meaningful parts of your work, according to you, and that's helping people navigate endings. So I want to kind of get more into that. Um, kind of being a medium and a death doula.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Well, how do we get there? This is adding more to her resume here.
SPEAKER_01:Well, it's funny because people think of death and they don't want to talk about it, number one. And they also don't think of like a colorful, fairy, happy, joyful person that deals with death every day. Um, but I am and I love it, and it's the most fulfilling thing I've ever done. And I think it's crazy. We have so many midwives, birth doulas, things when we come into this world, and yet when we go out, there's like not necessarily a lack of respect, just a lack of awareness, I think. And people are afraid of what they don't know.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And so when I excuse me, when I left my 10-year relationship, I had, I think of it as like an energetic pizza. And I was giving, you know, out of six slices, I was probably giving four or five to this person and like one or two to me. And so when I left, the universe is like, okay, you have your whole pizza. What are you gonna do with it now? And I kept getting all these rushes of energy, and I I would see visuals and hear things and have like, it's almost like I'm watching a movie screen in my head. Like I'm daydreaming, but I'm awake and I'll see these things, and I was like, What the fuck is going on? Like, and I had to learn how to turn the faucet off too, because I have to live my life. People always say, Oh, you're a medium. How's my grandma?
SPEAKER_00:I'm like, Yeah, it works like that.
SPEAKER_01:Like, you know, you can't leave the water running all the time, or you'll get right. So um, I I started to, you know, really learn about these things. I think I always had innately a heightened ability, but I truly believe every single person has these abilities. It's how open you are to receiving them and how much you trust the information coming in. That's the biggest thing. And getting over that trust hump is truly the hardest part of it. And it took a long time because I'm sitting there, and even when I'm sitting with a client and I'm thinking in my head, oh my God, what if I get the name wrong? Or what if I get the color of the car wrong? Then they're gonna think of bullshit, or and then I would get in my own head. Right. And then I finally got to a point where I'm like, no, I trust myself. I know my gifts, I work on them, my energy is expensive, I keep it a certain way so I can do this work. And I'm gonna trust whatever comes through. And I'm just gonna say it and, you know, and once I started doing that and really trusting myself, I started getting so many clients and from all walks of life. I mean, I've had CEOs from big skincare companies I worked with that are now my clients. It's crazy how my previous jobs turned into this now.
SPEAKER_03:It's crazy.
SPEAKER_01:And I've had I was able to actually remote view um a passing of someone's brother once, and because they didn't know what had happened. And he showed me all these things and I felt them in my body. Like I felt like constriction and it was wow, it was wild. And the the amount of peace the family felt from that, I mean, it brought tears to my eyes. I I try not to be too emotional in my readings because I want to like be strong for them, but that was that was really powerful. And after that, I I realized I was like, I don't care if people believe me or not, right? My intention and my work is to help people feel the peace again, right? And feel a little bit of that grief lifted, you know, it never truly goes away. But if you can understand and accept that death is not the end, death is an illusion. It's just another form of communication with that soul. Energy cannot be created or destroyed.
SPEAKER_03:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01:So being able to hold that mirror for people has been priceless. Yes.
SPEAKER_03:I was like fulfilling, priceless, beautiful.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Uh, you know, you you're a death doula, which sounds mysterious until you explain it. Um, for anyone hearing this for the first time, though, what what does what do you actually do with that?
SPEAKER_04:That was the first time you had heard death doula. So this is like what exactly walk us through exactly what it entails.
SPEAKER_01:So there, I'll I'll do the distinction between spiritual medium and death doula. Um, a spiritual medium can connect with the other side. And the way it technically works for me at least, when you meditate and ground and get into a heightened, heightened state. You know, if you've ever sat in a sound bath or did a meditation and you feel that kind of euphoric, like, I'm not even here, but I'm here, um, I get to that level. And then spirit is a super high frequency. So they they're like on a 11. And so they actually have to slow down in order to meet in the middle here. There's this medium where I'm raising my frequency to a state where I can accept information. They're slowing down so they can meet me in that middle. And that's when I get the visuals, the messages. Um, I will write sometimes. I usually do notes and I'll go over the notes with people and be like, this is what's coming through. I don't know what it means, but hopefully it means something for you. And I will translate and um we'll have an open discussion. I think a lot of people see, you know, like Long Island Medium and Tyler Henry, and um that's beautiful for people to believe. Um I kind of look at it as like magic trick mediums.
SPEAKER_04:Like they're like, wow, look, you know there's a lot of that out there, which causes people to not change when they actually encounter an actual one.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I'm more of like a therapist medium. Right. Like I want to work through things.
SPEAKER_04:You're a therapist to the real people down here and the spirit. Exactly. No, only they could pay. Yeah, yeah, yes. I've seen people account to the spiritual world, yes.
SPEAKER_01:And I've I've like administered, you know, sort of this liaison of forgiveness between people, and it's beautiful. And um, so that is what a medium does, at least to me. Um, as a death doula, sorry, I need more. Oh no, you're not a good thing.
SPEAKER_03:Cause for a good cause.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:I like that.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, you know, cause for a cause.
SPEAKER_01:Um, okay. So as a Death Doula, there are it is a relatively newer field. Well, it's an ancient field, but it's becoming more open. So there are many different kinds. Um some are more spiritual, some are less spiritual, some are only there sort of with hospice, working with the family, um, if they need support, if the person who's passing actively has questions, and sometimes they're just there to hold space. They're like a trusted friend that's there in a really hard time.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Um, some focus more on like, okay, what do we line up with paperwork and things like that, and like helping the family, almost like a death assistant. Um, I consider myself mainly a death educator. And then I also have had clients, and including one of my best friends, she was my my training. My I kept wanting to take courses because I was like, I feel this pull to this. And um, bless her heart, my sweet Marnie. She last year um we found out she had stage four ovarian cancer, and it was 10 days later that she had passed. So I was in the hospital with her the whole time. I noticed she's who you dedicated this book to. Yeah, my sunflower. And she I had no idea what I was doing, but I was in this like trance and I would sit there and I would, it's like I was meditating with her soul, even when she was in a coma. And I could connect to her, I could see her, I could um like almost telepathically connect and be like, it's okay, it's safe, like you're gonna be fine. It's so beautiful on the other side. You have people waiting for you. It's like I could phone her and be like, this is what's coming. Um, and I was just able, I almost think of like a child in like a tough situation with like a blanket around them. That's kind of what I can do. I'm like the crossing guard for your soul. So I just hold your hand across the street. So it's like, oh, I'm a little nervous, I'm scared, I don't know what's there. I'm like, let me just hold your hand, it'll be fine. Yep. And then, you know, and that includes Reiki and energy work and all kinds of things. Um, it's different for every client. Some clients I have are actually just like caretakers, and they're like, I don't know what's gonna happen. And they want support, and everything I've learned being a spiritual medium and what happens from what I know from the other side, um, it's very consoling and very grounding. And so it's not scary at all. You know, you think of like going to New Orleans and you see a psychic and you do like it's not like that at all. Yes, you're not sitting with a crystal ball. I mean, maybe a couple.
SPEAKER_04:I mean what surprised you like personally when you start sitting with people at the end of uh end of their life? Did it uh change even how you live? I know you've gone through a lot of growth in order to get to this point where you can help people get to the other side, but I imagine sitting there as you're watching someone cross over has gotta be really life-changing.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, it's the most beautiful show of love that you've ever seen. No one is on their deathbed angry, right? Like everyone puts aside their differences and they sit and they hold space. And it's also such an important thing to hold space. And I I know people throw that word around, but the true meaning is, you know, if somebody's going through a hard time, whether it's your friend, your family member, whatever, just being there for someone physically and energetically, and not even solving their problem, just being there is so important. And it really made me be a better friend, be a better daughter, be a better everything. And I um my father has dementia, he's had it for about 10 years, and so he's very much on the latter half of you know, where he can connect to spirit, he can, he's close to that side more than he is to his earth self. And so being able to work with that energy and that beautiful, like angelic light he has, yes, it's hard sometimes, but I'm also kind of death-dooling for him in a way because I'm and that's so special for him.
SPEAKER_04:That's going on so special for him when the time comes to have you.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and you're so strong. I've seen you, your videos with your mom and your dad are just like the cutest things ever. And you see his spirit in his eyes. Maybe he's not necessarily, like you said, here on this physical earth part of himself, but the light that he has when you know he looks at you or his or your mom. And even if in that moment maybe he doesn't uh realize that it is you, he still sees like that aura of you and your mom.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03:Always, you know, and that's I've I've seen it. You can literally physically see it in your videos, which is so beautiful.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:Um, a lot of our listeners have experienced loss of of people, relationships, identity. What's a simple ritual anyone can use to mark an ending with meaning instead of fear?
SPEAKER_01:I love ritual, I love ceremony, I love putting intention behind things, whether it's making a latte in the morning or making an entire ofrenda. Like, um, I love just keeping maybe like a keepsake of somebody and making a little corner on your desk with a photo or something that just honors them or something you can keep in your pocket or something, even just thinking about what are their best traits that you loved about them and how can I now live that for them. So I think about, you know, like my father, he was an amazing storyteller when he was, you know, speaking in um in his his fullness. And I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna keep storytelling and use that gift of words to help other people because that was his legacy. Yeah. And the more I can let That shine the more they live on forever.
SPEAKER_04:I love that. And for families, I think it's it's important for all of us, especially in the state of the world. There's so much sadness and anger out there right now. Um it's very easy to get caught up in even the mildest of tiffs with a friend or family member that shouldn't be there. Yeah. And then one day it could be too late for you to actually squash it. So, what's some advice you would give to families and close friends as far as their communication communication goes before it is too late?
SPEAKER_01:Oh gosh, I've seen this so much. I both in my family, my friends, these grudges people hold, it's just anger. Anger is such a debilitating energy.
SPEAKER_03:It so is.
SPEAKER_01:It will fester in your body and create physical issues. And cancerous. It's it honestly, I feel like enough anger could cause cancer. Yes, absolutely. When your body's in a state of dis-ease, it causes disease, you know, and that anger, that's forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:That it is not for anyone else. Right. You forgiving someone is for you. Right. And that gift, I honestly I believe the root of most people's issues is self-love at the core. Because if you think about it, even not forgiving someone, that's not showing yourself love. Right. If you truly love yourself so deeply that you're willing to live your highest path and do what's best for you and others, you're gonna forgive that person because that's good for you and your energy and your body and that person.
SPEAKER_03:Do you think you could forgive somebody but still never talk to them again? For sure.
SPEAKER_04:Just to make sure. Just to make sure.
SPEAKER_03:Just so everyone knows I can still forgive you, but I ain't gonna talk to you again.
SPEAKER_01:Honestly, though, not talking to someone in a situation like that, that is also self-love. That's a boundary. Right. You know, you can still make sure your relationships are fruitful and and good for you without having to hold on to that anger. Yeah. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_04:Well, Kathleen, obviously you're out here helping people process the big stuff. But as we talked about earlier, you're also an entrepreneur and a creator. Uh, so let's talk a little bit about the real world side of you putting your energy out there. So you built a following around healing and humor, as we've seen. What helps you uh stay grounded so the message doesn't start feeling performative?
SPEAKER_01:Ooh, I just walk around, smell a flower, like listen to some music, dance, be like go on a cute little hot girl walk and don't care what anyone thinks about you.
SPEAKER_03:Kathleen loves to shake her ass. That is her prayer. I love my ass. That is her prayer. Yeah, we're gonna like pregnant. Yeah, we're gonna like shake our hips.
SPEAKER_01:9 30 I am really the real world things that are that are small. And you know, if you need to rest one day, rest. Cancel a meeting, cancel like the little things. Like I will walk down the street, there will be someone taking a shit on the sidewalk, and I'm like, look at the beautiful flower.
SPEAKER_04:And then they're gonna be like, yeah, you take that shit.
SPEAKER_01:And you're like, wow, your digestion's really good to meet.
SPEAKER_00:I almost wore my Hot Girls have IBS sweatshirt.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, you should have. I love that I'm just we we we've we've talked about all that on here. So it was a safe space.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but nature is also one of the biggest grounding. Like just put your feet on the ground, throw the beach, hug a tree, yes, smell a flower.
SPEAKER_04:You gonna do that and you get out to the beach.
SPEAKER_03:We know writing a book in 2025 basically means launching a media company. Yes. Um, so what did you learn about protecting your energy during promotion season?
SPEAKER_01:Ooh, well, I for sure do my, you know, I place divine light around me, the the bank teller window. And I also I don't listen to the noise a lot. I've gotten a lot of weird DMs, and people, some people love what I do, amazing. Some people hate what I do. They're like, you're a con artist, you're this, you're I'm like, okay. Yes. Like, thank you for the engagement. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, like thank you for taking the time out of your day to send me a DM.
SPEAKER_01:You have to really, I think one of the biggest challenges with putting myself out there. I've always kind of put myself out there in a way, but one of the biggest challenges of currently putting myself out there in this way and being so vulnerable and being myself and using my voice is knowing that I'm gonna be seen. And I have to be okay with that, and really letting go of the perfection. You know, I used to make all these perfect looking Instagram videos and photos and do a photo shoot. And it's like every time I sit in my car with no makeup on, hair up, eating something, saying some bullshit, those do the best. So the imperfection and okay with people seeing that too is the one thing that's kept me just yeah, you know, if people if I'm cool with this being out there, then okay, I'm okay, I'm okay with speaking my trust.
SPEAKER_04:And I think it's you know, there's this flattery behind it. People like you said, take the time to message you, which means they're listening to your message, regardless whether they want to or not. So maybe after they send out message, they go and sit with it a little bit and try to find some joy for sure.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, and you know, it's like you'll never get those two minutes back that you took for yourself out of your day to send me that message. So special. Thank you so much. Okay, we we talked about joy in theory. Let's actually try it. We want you to give us and our listeners a little joy audit. Oh little workshop. Yeah, a little workshop. Okay, a little mini workshop. So walk us through a 60-second practice anyone can do today to find one spark of joy, even if they're stressed or sad. Okay. I realized I'd do that.
SPEAKER_01:I feel like one of those memes about the women's circles.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:One very easy way to find joy in your life. I close my eyes, and I will take one, only one breath. You don't have to take more than two, Kayla. Yes, because Kayla.
SPEAKER_04:Then I can get behind that.
SPEAKER_01:Kayla, Kayla, you're on her story already. One breath. I like to actually hold it for like five seconds at the top, let it go. And then I open my eyes. And this is almost a practice people do when you're having a panic attack, but it also works for joy. I think of I open my eyes and I'm like, what are three things that are beautiful or I feel drawn to? Because sometimes people aren't ready for happiness. Right. Like something doesn't necessarily make them happy yet. But I'm like, what are three things in this room that I'm drawn to, whether I know why or not, or that I think is beautiful? And so I'll be like, okay, the plant over there, or the green wall I really like, or maybe the pink of this flower, or I even like how the logo looks. Like you can be driving, you can do this anywhere. Because I think a lot of people, gratitude lists are hard for them because they're like, I don't feel grateful for anything. I'm in a hole. But everyone has preferences. Like, you know, even if you go get ice cream, you're gonna everyone's gonna pick different flavors. Right. So if you can just look around you and pick out three things that you're drawn to for any reason or that you think are beautiful, and just think of those things. And the more you start to notice, it's the art of noticing. And the more things you notice, the more will come into your life. And that's literally science. Your reticular activation system will bring those things into your life. Right. So the little tiny art of noticing is where to start, and it'll just grow.
SPEAKER_03:I love that.
SPEAKER_04:Yes, here you go.
SPEAKER_03:Are you all ready to go first?
SPEAKER_04:All of those together.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. I'm gonna say, well, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna count you two as one.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, I'm breathing. Oh, my first thing are these really I love the the colors of those flowers. That's why the lights reflecting on that thing.
SPEAKER_03:I actually love the LED lights.
SPEAKER_04:I love it. Oh, yeah. I didn't even notice those.
SPEAKER_03:Uh that makes sense for things.
SPEAKER_04:That's how lights work.
SPEAKER_03:I do really, I do really love that our logo is up. Yes. I do. And I love that we have cards.
SPEAKER_04:Yes, you love the cards. I love the cards. I love your cards.
SPEAKER_03:And I love doing them. I it's like an arts and crafts project for me. So I actually love doing them. I love that you love doing cards. I know she does because she hates it. So that's why I do them. I love a card.
SPEAKER_00:I love a card.
SPEAKER_03:I love a card.
SPEAKER_04:Oh. I love that. Yeah. It's great. No, very simple way. Like, like you said, to stay grounded and to notice even the smallest things to find joy and gratitude. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:This is uh it's actually very grounding and it's so simple. So uh hopefully you guys tried it with us.
SPEAKER_02:If not, pause and try yours right now and uh let us know how it goes.
SPEAKER_03:I would love to just like see what people put in comments. What are three things in your room right now that you love or you find joy in?
SPEAKER_04:Yes, I love that. Um, okay. Before we go, we're gonna do a quick little lightning round, uh, a little quick fire. Just first things that come to mind as we as we say them. So, all right, sunrise or moonlight? Ooh, moonlight.
SPEAKER_03:Ooh, voice notes or handwritten journey.
SPEAKER_01:Voice notes. Oh, really? I thought she was gonna say handwritten journey. I thought I could write a podcast, I could say a podcast every morning.
SPEAKER_04:She loves her. I haven't I was never a voice note person until we got close. Yeah, she will send because I I always text. But I'm like, oh, this is so much easier. Oh, it's so much so much easier.
SPEAKER_03:I'm getting everybody to do it. Even other friends are like, um, this is weird. Yeah, one of my friends was sending me a voice note, and inner she goes, hi, so I'm sending a voice note. Uh my sound weird, lol. Uh like I was like, oh my god, the lol's crazy. I love it. She said lol in the voice.
SPEAKER_04:Uh okay, what's a self-care habit that's so bad it's good?
SPEAKER_00:Ooh. Cake. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Like a sweet treat. Yeah, yeah. Oof, I love me a sweet treat.
SPEAKER_03:Uh, one belief you've changed your mind about this year.
SPEAKER_01:Gosh, I feel like so many. Um I truly believe that so many people look outside of themselves for call it God, the universe, whatever you want, source energy. They look to something outside of themselves. And I've really grounded in on the belief that it's not something outside of us. It's truly inside of us. We are that same energy of source, God, whatever you want to call it. It is also us, it's not an outside entity. I need to get something from. It's we're made of that same material. I love that.
SPEAKER_04:That's great. That's great.
SPEAKER_01:I love that.
SPEAKER_04:All right. Last one. What's a sentence you tell yourself before a big day?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, a sentence?
SPEAKER_04:Or a sentence or something that you say to yourself if you're looking in the mirror.
SPEAKER_01:No, this is real. So I did a keynote speech in Denver for this awesome brand called What She Said, Wonderful Woman's Group. And we right before, I mean, there's a ton of people in the room. I'm sitting there, like, you know, one thing having a podcast, being doing keynotes, I love doing it, but it's more nerve-wracking. I have this alter ego thing I do, kind of like how Beyoncé does Sasha Fears and all that. I have Sortia. She's my alter ego. And so she's like my higher self. And I, if I feel nervous, and if Kathleen is a little eek, I'm like, I'm Sortia now. I do this. I'm a bad bitch. Yes. I got this. I was born to do this. Yeah. If Kathleen's a little nervous, that's fine because Sorsha does this in her sleep.
SPEAKER_04:Hell yeah. She does. It's only a funter ego and do that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's great because it kind of takes your brain out of like, well, this is me, and everyone's staring at me. It's like, no, my higher self. She got it. Yeah. She wants everyone to stare at her.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, she loves it. She breathes on it. Talk about me. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I love that. Okay. Kathleen, this has been such a joy and pun intended. I'm so proud of you and excited for everyone to go grab their copy of Seven Ways to Live in Joy Today. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:So where can people snatch theirs?
SPEAKER_01:It is on Amazon right now, and my audiobook, which I narrated, is actually coming out very soon. Yes.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, go follow her. Um, and I'll go follow her. Please put your handles and we will put them on the it is just Kathleen Ives with an underscore on everything. Yes. Go follow her, do your one-minute joy practice and tag us when you do.
SPEAKER_04:That's right. And everybody, if you uh don't remember, new episodes of Milk and Honeys drop every single Wednesday. But until next time, choose joy even when life gets a little messy.
SPEAKER_03:And remember, when in doubt, the Lulu is the Sululu.
SPEAKER_02:Bye, sweet honey. Bye
