Wings of Purpose: Transforming Pain Into Power

In this powerful episode of Breakthrough Conversations with Rhoda & Co., Rhoda sits down with the co-founder of The Royal Butterfly, Lashonda J. to explore how pain can become purpose.

From personal adversity to building a movement that empowers vulnerable youth, this conversation dives into healing, leadership, resilience, and what it means to grow wings through hardship.

If you’ve ever wondered whether your story matters, this episode is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey, what's your secret? You got the kind of that leads with speechless. It could be model, multitasking genius. Yeah, you got it all.

SPEAKER_03 0:08

Alright, welcome back to Breakthrough Conversations with Rhoda and Company, where we explore stories behind the leaders and the purpose behind the platforms. Today's episode is titled Wings of Purpose: Transforming Pain into Power. And my guest is the founder of the Royal Butterfly. I love that name. An organization that's rooted in transformation, empowerment, and helping young people rise above their circumstances. But before there was a movement, there was a story. And before there were wings, there was pain. So today we're talking about what it means to take your lived experience, even the hard, unfair, and traumatic parts, and turn it into a mission that changes lives. And I am so truly honored to welcome Lashonda Jay, an overcomer of life's hardest circumstances. She's a woman who refuses defeat and the visionary founder of the Royal Butterfly. Welcome, Lashonda Jay. Thank you. Thank you, Rhoda. I am honored to be here. I'm so glad to have you. You know, for our listeners, describe what is the royal butterfly and who does it serve and how does it make impact?

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Yes, so the royal butterfly serves ages 8 to 18. And we are literally going back to when we were kids. We are bringing back the concept of a village. So it's the village that parents and kids did not know that they need. We focus on delivering life skills to our youth ages 8 to 18. We provide family building activities because we don't want to just focus on the youth themselves, but we do care for our families. And our family units are such a strong part of our community. We focus on the physical, mental, emotional aspect of our children. So you think we take our kids to get physicals, dental cleanings, they do extracurricular activities from sports. They practice for those sports every week. Right. You go to school, they study. So what how is your emotional, mental, and social health any different? That needs tending to it as well. And that's what we do is equip our kids to build resiliency within the community with real life activities, engagement. We do career day, leadership skills, navigating, how to set boundaries, conflict management, life skills that they're going to need, whether they are 8, 18, 28, or 58.

SPEAKER_03 2:34

I love that. Oh, this is such mission work you're doing. It's like the support system you didn't know you needed. And while you have your family unit, sometimes the family unit is not even equipped to provide the support themselves because they're still dealing with perhaps trauma that was passed down from their generation and they're still trying to be there for their kids. So you're that village. I love that concept and that visual and the work that you're doing from getting their teeth clean to making sure that they they have a uh safe space to share of anything that they're dealing with, to getting the practice they need for the sports, to getting the tutoring they need. I mean, it is so holistic. And what a vision you had to create such an organization. Can you take us back to the version of you before the royal butterfly existed?

SPEAKER_01 3:27

Oh, yes, I can. Before the royal butterfly existed, I was on the struggle bus. I was a little girl who struggled with her identity. I was the woman, to be totally honest with you, who struggled with identity. I lost my parents before the age of 12, which knocked me off my feet. Uh, eight years later, I lost my brother in my early 20s to suicide. So I was literally shook by all of life things. I was stuck in unhealthy cycles because I had no words to articulate what I had been through, making poor decisions. And honestly, even as an adult, that little girl that was broken with the broken heart still showed up making decisions. And I didn't realize how those events that impacted me as a kid, how they showed up in my adulthood.

SPEAKER_03 4:13

Yeah. Is there like a specific moment or pain or life experience that shaped your desire to build something different?

SPEAKER_01 4:24

So I would say honestly, all of my life experiences, all the ugly parts, they are what shape the experience. And I would say that, along with looking around at friends and families and others who had no words to articulate what they're going through. In reality, if you can't put words to what you're dealing with, how can someone help you? That's like taking your car and tell the dealership, my car is broken. And they're asking you, so what's wrong with it? Oh, it just doesn't drive.

SPEAKER_02 4:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

And they're just like, What's wrong with it? So this it's nothing that you can't fix anything if you can't put words to it. If you can't name it, you can't begin to navigate through that. And I would say, just all of my a culmination of all of my life experiences, dealing with the good, the bad, the ugly, everything in between. And I'm just looking at myself, how these things are impacting myself, my family. I'm looking at my peers, those around me, and just observing life and realizing that people struggle with things as far as navigating grief, understanding that grief is so much more than death. Grief could be a loss of a job, you know, a divorce, the loss of a friendship.

SPEAKER_02 5:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

So complex. And there are a lot of people who lack the skills and tools to navigate those things. Um, I think about as a little as a kid, you know, in those formative years, dog skills and navigating when life hits, life is already something on its own. And then you begin to layer in these challenging things, our kids are struggling. And I look back of myself and the decisions I made, and you look at the literally billions of people in this world. What can we do to help that younger generation? What can we do to make our family stronger? And that's when this was dropped in my spirit.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

It came to you. That is so true and special. What when you were talking, it was taking me back to my childhood. I remember as something as simple as my mom would be combing my hair, and she will be yanking me because I guess I wasn't being still, or and and I remember I would cry, and she would be like, You cried too deep much. What's your problem? And I remember trying to voice to her how I was feeling. I said, You hurt my feelings. I didn't know what else to say. She heard my feelings, and then and you were often shut down. Yes, yeah, that is so true. And and these kids, especially nowadays, just to think about the world and the different experiences that they are living through, and and layer that on top of the things that they're experiencing in their day-to-day life.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

That's heavy, yes, and that's it. Is our kids are just bombarded with way more than we ever were. Right. What they're exposed to at an early age, from social media to all of these things, just this pressure to perform, they are faced with a lot. You are a lot of the kids now that are roughly in the age group that I serve, these are kids who were impacted by COVID. Yeah, so they social skills, they're struggling with social skills, their levels of anxiety are so high. And you couple that with kids dealing with hormones and just trying to life, and parents are trying to figure things out. Literally, we are all just trying to figure this thing out. The royal butterfly is that safe place, yeah, to where the kids and the families can show up, no judgment, and we navigate life together.

SPEAKER_03 7:51

That's amazing. That's amazing. Was there a moment, Ashonda, where you realized your story wasn't just about survival, it was about preparation.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

It's funny you ask that, Rhoda, because I remember praying as a little girl, uh-huh, and I heard it's clear as day, it's not just about you. Now I'm 13 at the time. So Rhoda, I'm 13. Everything is about me at 13. Right. It was not about me, and that's all I heard, and it stuck in my head. And then I fast forward to when I was, I probably was 18 or 19, and I was invited by my church to speak to the youth. Rhoda, I was scared. I don't know. It's literally on a VHS that I've never watched, and I'm literally just reached out to somebody to have it converted. Like that that 18, 19-year-old girl needs to hear what was said then.

SPEAKER_02 8:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

And they invited me to speak to the youth because they felt just my journey up until that point. I'm 18 and 19, up until that point, with just losing my parents, um, giving my life to God at such a young age, and me overcoming that was something that the youth needed to hear.

SPEAKER_03 9:00

Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

And I you couldn't have paid me to believe because I was just like, oh my gosh, I am over here struggling. I have no idea. But to others on the outside looking in, to lose my parents at such a young age and still be navigating life with a positive outlook, even on the challenging days, that's something that they saw that I did not see. Right. So I'm honestly grateful to them because they saw something that I had no I had no clue.

SPEAKER_03 9:27

So that's so often how it happens. Yes. Wow. So it's interesting how life comes full circle. So it sounds like you're walking in your purpose. Something you were destined to do is to inspire and build and support the youth. But when did your pain start turning into purpose?

SPEAKER_01 9:51

I would say when I was able to help others navigate what they were going through. There were some that were close to me, some family members and friends, where they begin to start losing loved ones. And they're looking at me, wondering, how did I make it? I've had several people tell me, Rhoda, I couldn't have, I couldn't have gotten what you got through. Right. There's no way I would have navigated that. What I started to realize is I was a sign of hope.

SPEAKER_03 10:17

Right.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

And I know from personal experience, when you lose that hope, it can go downhill. It can. Um, I mean, I personally attempted suicide as a teenager because I felt hopeless. I did not have the worth. I literally just wanted the pain to stop hurting. So when I had individuals coming to me asking me, how did I navigate this? What do I do in this situation? Um, I started to realize this is this is bigger than you. This is definitely beyond you. And that's my hope and prayer is if I can just literally be a sign of hope to somebody to know that Lashonda, you have made it through all the things, the things that I thought would take me out, and literally I thought they would take me out, Rod. If I'm being honest with you, I thought they would take me out, and being able to provide real life support, encouragement to help them walk along their journey and navigate their way through, then my heart is full because we are not called to do this life alone.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

We're not. Well, that's so powerful. For those that are listening, did you hear what Lynchon to say? She had attempted to take her own life because she just wanted the hurt to stop, and she wasn't successful at that. And thank God. Because look at the not only uh was your life sustained and had meaning and value, but because you're still here and you found your purpose, look at the many lives that you're impacting and perhaps saving. So, for those who are listening, perhaps or watching us today, I want you to take that in. And if you're having those types of thoughts to recognize that you're here for a purpose. I say this all the time. Your chances of being born is one and like some gigantic 400 billion number. And if you made it here, you have a purpose and you should be figuring out what that purpose is. And when your purpose and passion collide, you're you're on to something in. So it sounds like you found that out. I'm so grateful that you listened to that voice. And what was, I want to know what was the risk in stepping into this calling? What did you have to give up?

SPEAKER_01 12:32

I had to give up what I thought it looked like. I had to realize that it is bigger than me, that I can take imperfect steps. I do not have to have it all figured out. Wow. Um, I came to realize that when it's when it's bigger than you and you can't do it by yourself, that's how you know. This is what you're supposed to be stepping into. Yes. Um, and I had to learn to be okay with that because I do I'm orderly, I like things, right? Processes, I like organization, but I had to let go of that rotor to know that it's not gonna, it doesn't have to look a certain way. You take small and perfect steps and everything will come as it should. But I had to let that idea of perfection out of the way that I didn't have everything, because everything has fallen in place just as it should.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

That is something I struggle with when I have this like vision of something I want to do and it to come to fruition, time keeps passing by and I haven't taken action on it because in my mind I have to have it all figured out a hundred percent. And the other day I was like, you know what? I just need to take one step, and the one step was it's like schedule it, call, get the people involved, get it on their calendar, and build as you go. So that is so true, yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

And it's okay to build as you go, it's okay to make mistakes because you learn from those, those are gifts to you to where you can learn because when you start back over, you're starting from experience, you're not starting from scratch.

SPEAKER_03 14:02

What fears did you have, LaShonda, and telling your story publicly?

SPEAKER_01 14:06

Uh, shame. A lot of shame tells you, and it was what are people gonna think, or all literally all the things of what is somebody gonna think, or maybe they won't, you know, be interested. Everything was a lie, everything was a complete lie because what I am learning more and more is we're in a space where people need authenticity. Yeah, highlight reel, those are really, really cute. Yeah, how do I navigate this real life thing behind the scenes? How do I get through that hard moment? How do I have that hard conversation? How do I bounce back from that hard thing? They want to know authenticity, they want to be able to navigate life, how it happens for real, not some cute highlight reel that you took times. They want to know how do I get through this? And the other piece of it is I used to think I was just by myself, which was a whole lie. That was that was another lie, is it's just me. And I'm realizing that I'm standing next to a man or woman who's holding something in because they feel like it's just them or they have to keep up face, all these things. And I'm like, no, we are all navigating something, no matter how big or small, no one's journey is the same. However, we are all dealing with something that we could honestly, if we just opened up, you know, you don't have to go tell the whole world, but open up, have that community that you can talk to and share that thing with. And once I let go of that shame, the rest is history. That's so true.

SPEAKER_03 15:34

The stories we tell ourselves. Uh-huh. I dealt with that with the book I just released, Daughter of an Assassin. And I was hesitant. I'm gonna tell you, even we got to the end of writing the book, I had scrapped, I was like, I'm not releasing it, I'm not gonna go through with this. After I had paid all invested all this money into getting the book to where I needed it to be, and I was afraid. So this lady told me, she said, Rhoda, you're gonna have to put it out there, you need to go back to your why. Like, what was your purpose? And so at my book launch, somebody asked me, How does it feel now to have the book out there for everybody to read? I say, I feel naked, like totally exposed. But the more I interact with people who have read it, the more I realize it's we these are lies we tell ourselves. It and people have called me and say, I can resonate. This really helped me. Oh my God, you were dealing with that with your son. I was dealing with that with my son. And this one lady from Colorado called me and she was like, Here's what I've done to get through it. So I I learned from others because I was willing to share. So it's also not just you're gonna help somebody else, but because you share, somebody can help you as well.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

Yes, I would say that's been one of my biggest learnings where I had to let go is what's the risk of not doing it? Right on the other side of your yes, who is waiting on you to step into what you're supposed to do on the other side of your yes, and I had and when I got that revelation, Rhoda, I was like, Oh, I don't want to be attractive, I don't like being on the road behind people that's holding me up, right?

SPEAKER_03 17:14

Let alone in life. I don't want to cheat anyone, yeah. And to your point, when you mentioned about being authentic, what came to me? This is why it's so important to be authentic and be yourself because when you're not, you're cheating yourself and the world of the gift of you, yes. So that's so true. So, what transformation have you witnessed in the youth you serve that reminds you why you started the royal butterfly?

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Oh, one seeing these babies and their confidence grow. That is that's the first one because you can see those light bulb moments in their face.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

Um, even hearing feedback from their parents of the changes that they're seeing at home, the changes that they're seeing from their, you know, within their homes, with their friends, because the parents are observing. And I would say, lastly, the other one is for them to come back and tell me I encountered this and how they applied it in their real world, even if it didn't go as expected.

SPEAKER_02 18:18

Right.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

They will come back and share with me, I encountered this. So, for example, I had one young lady who had done a project. She is um, she's the sweetest. I love her of all my babies. I love all of these kids. I just I've adopted some more kids, bro. It's all but she shared with me, you know, an issue uh an encounter she had where she was comparing. And she said, I shouldn't have compared. She said, I should have just liked my project. So even if the outcome in that first time around wasn't as she expected, for her to recognize, like, hey, I didn't handle this right, I shouldn't have compared. It's a muscle you flex. It's a and it's like, okay, you recognize that you didn't execute as you expected this first time around. However, you're aware, and that awareness is where transformation and change comes in. She was then aware of, okay, I know what I'll do next time. I'm gonna keep my eye on my own.

SPEAKER_03 19:10

That just saved her a lifetime of hurt, and because comparison is the thief of joy, like this rob you of all joy, and for her to have made that connection at such a young age, she's not she's only gonna develop that muscle, yes, even more. Oh, she'll be teaching others, and you should be very encouraged, Lashonda, at the work you're doing. I just watched a video and I shared it on my stories on Instagram. This uh teacher was talking about how he uh raised money to take his class to South Africa. And then when uh one of them turned 16, they called him and they said they wanted to get their classmates at the time to go. And they he said, we'll raise some money. And and and the young lady was like, Well, I'm too young uh to raise money. He said, No, find some adults that will sponsor you. I'm gonna send you a check for$500. So I'm your first sponsor. She got raised the money, took her classmates got to go to South Africa. So years later, he showed a video. He was younger then, he's older now. He said he still teaches at this school. He got a call from Nike saying that they wanted to send some people. They have a new uh director of social impact, and they wanted to send some people to the school. He said they rolled out the red corporate for them. They uh observed him teaching and other teachers teaching, and then they played a uh that they had a Zoom meeting, and on the screen is the director of uh social impact for Nike and she said, Hey, Mr. Smith, or whatever his name was. It was her. Oh my god! She is the director of social impact, so she shared with him ever since he gave her that money and encouraged her to go raise that money. She had dedicated her life to philanthropy and giving back, and now she's worked her way up at Nike. And he showed a picture of her business pose and her suit on, she looks so good, and that's the kind of story you're gonna have. Thank you. I received that you're making. Yes. So, how do you help young people see themselves as royal when the world may not?

SPEAKER_01 21:32

We start with that identity, Rhoda. I identity is so powerful because oftentimes I will say children, just like adults, associate themselves with what they do. Title. So I start instilling their identity. And it's like planting a seed. I do it every session, anytime I see them. Because what I want them to know is who they are. Yes, not what they do, not a title that they wear. Once that title or that thing that they do goes away or changes, they think that their value decreases, and it is not. Right. So it is their identity is so critical, critical for them to know their worth, their values, for them to begin tapping into their purpose at that young age. Because they're not just an athlete or a singer or a student. They're so much more than that. And that's the biggest thing is teaching them who they are, not what they do. Because if you know who you are, you're powerful. Yes. Nobody else can come tell you. Right. You know. The world can't tell you. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 22:34

That is such a powerful quote. Uh we're gonna have to use this as a reel because what you just said is so powerful. You have an identity separate from what you do, and had somebody taught that to us, perhaps when I lost my position, I would not have had to go through this journey and of pain and second guessing and wondering who am I separate from the job I had. And I thought I was doing good at that because I do so much outside of work, and I I didn't realize I had attached that to my value and self-work to the point where I was like, So mom, is am I done? Is my life over? And absolutely not. You just begin to root it. Yes, you know, in um in the world, we endure a lot of suffering and pain, and especially in the African-American community. Do you believe that pain is necessary for purpose? And if so, why?

SPEAKER_01 23:42

So I do, and I think that pain shows up in different ways. So your pain, my pain, and the next person's may be different. So you think about um, there's a young lady I know who has a stationary company. Uh-huh. As her, as a little girl, she never saw any stationary that reflected her. Okay. So, what did she do? She created a brand, a product that reflected women of color. Right. That when she had her stationary, her entire brand reflected a woman of color. You think about a person who has a disability and they may go to a building or they may attempt to do something that's not in support of somebody who has a disability. For them, it's that pain of not being able to live a regular life based upon what the world says, or not having those accommodations. So they may start something that allows those who have disabilities to have everything that they need. Just like someone who may, let's say you're a founder of a company and you've been searching and searching for capital for your company.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Well, nobody ever gave you the money you needed for your company. So that pain of not getting that money for you to do what you need to do prompted you to create a big capitalist company. So you're solving that problem. So I would say yes, however, that pain looks different for everybody. Everybody.

SPEAKER_03 24:59

Yeah, it propels you forward to this. Yes, you can use it at fire. Yeah. Yeah. What uh generational cycle are you determined to break?

SPEAKER_01 25:13

I would say I don't necessarily have one. I will tell you they fall in themes. And I say that because if you think about your identity being stolen, uh if you think about suffering in silence and not having words to articulate it, those are roots that turn into something else, that develop fruit into something else that we don't want. Sometimes that is, you know, drug and alcohol addiction. Sometimes it is, you know, someone who may end up in the the uh prison system. So the the fruit of that could look like something else. But I would say if I had to pinpoint three areas, it's instilling that identity, breaking that that identity theft, because when you know who you are, it propels you in a different way. You can put words to what you're dealing with and what you're going through, you can articulate it and frequently navigate. Is it going to be hard? Yes. However, you have the words to articulate it and you know how to ask for help. Those are some things that if I could break anything, that's it. Having your voice because it just stems off to so many other things.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

So, how do you protect your own healing while you're serving others?

SPEAKER_01 26:24

For me, it is boundaries. Like I love my babies, however, I know my name is LaShonda, not Jesus. I cannot be right. So I know that I plant seeds, I love on them. I have to make sure that I'm taking time for myself and not falling into people pleasing like I did when I was young. Right. It is ensuring that I am being very conscious of the role that I play. Planting those seeds, I care for them, I love on them, but having boundaries and know that my role stops here and I'm planting those seeds.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

That's great. That is so wise and true. Because that's something else we didn't learn until later in life, and then it's about boundaries. So yeah, uh, we were raised, especially as women, um, thinking we had to please everyone. Uh-huh. Fix everything. Yeah. So we're gonna shift into the rapid fire questions. I have four questions. One is one word that describes your journey. Redemptive. Redemptive. I love it. A moment that made you cry tears of purpose.

SPEAKER_01 27:30

When a parent let me know that what we were doing with the royal butterfly was an answer prayer for her. Oh wow.

SPEAKER_03 27:37

If the royal butterfly had a mantra, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01 27:41

Empowering our youth to break cycles and soar beyond limitations.

SPEAKER_03 27:45

Yes, empower our youth to break cycles and pour and soar beyond limitations. I love it, and legacy in one sentence.

SPEAKER_01 27:56

Ooh, creating a ripple effect of empowerment.

SPEAKER_03 27:59

Wow, creating a ripple effect of empowerment. I love it. Pockets of magic, and the more we create that ripple effect, the more it spreads. Yeah, so you don't have to like, like you said, you can't reach the whole world and impact all the kids, but the kids that you can, you're doing that, and they're gonna pay it forward too. I really believe that.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

And I'm watching it, and that's that's why I say the ripple effect because if I can plant a seed with them, they go out as better leaders in their homes, in their communities, in their jobs, so the seed that I'm planting will spread.

SPEAKER_03 28:36

Yes, Lashonda, you're doing a great work. I am so excited for you and what the Royal Butterfly is becoming and evolving to, breaking out of that cocoon, taking wings, and flying off and impacting the world in a positive way. And I'm sure those children that you lives you touch and those that you had yet to touch and their parents will appreciate you for it. You're building your legacy. Thank you for taking time with me. I'm gonna have to have you back for part two because I want to watch this thing evolve and grow. So thank you so much. And for our listeners, today's conversation is a reminder that pain is not the end of the story, it can be the beginning of purpose. And what I guess shared so beautifully is that even in life's most difficult seasons, there is the potential for transformation. There are wings being formed, even when we don't see them yet. So, to Lashonda J, the founder of the Royal Butterfly, thank you for turning your lived experience into a safe space for young people to heal, to grow, and to discover their own power. Your work is not only changing lives, it's changing legacies. And to our listeners, if you're in the cocoon season right now, just know your wings are coming. This has been Breakthrough Conversations with Rhoda and Company, where we believe your story matters, your breakthrough is possible, and your purpose is still unfolding. Until next time. Thank you for listening.

SPEAKER_00 30:09

Hey, what's your secret? You got the kind of that leaves you in speechless. It could be model, multitasking genius. Yeah, you got it all. Hey, what's your story? It can't cost mom and forty under forty. It's like practice in your high hill glory. How you do it uh.