Episode 3: In the Room but Not in the Loop

You finally made it to the table, but something still feels off. In this episode, we’re talking about what it really means to be in the room, but not in the loop. I walk you through how to assess the power dynamics in executive spaces, analyze what's really happening when you're excluded from key decisions, and how to take strategic action that positions you for influence, not invisibility. This episode offers valuable insights for women leaders navigating complex team dynamics, performative inclusion, and the nuances of achieving genuine power, not just presence.

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LaToya: [00:00:00] Hey there, and welcome back to another episode of She Leads and Succeeds, a podcast that is going beyond the superficial kind of leadership chatter to really get to real talk y'all. Real strategies and most importantly, radical, radical support. I am your host, Latoya Jordan, and I'm just so grateful that you have chosen to spend some time learning about things that are vital for women executives as they navigate this sometimes treacherous terrain of being a leader in the workplace right now.

And so I am just really. Grateful to be able to share some insights from my time as an executive woman in the workplace. And it's also my experience coaching executive women because I find that the greatest. Gift that I can offer is that of insight, is that of research? Is that of tools [00:01:00] to help prepare you for the work at hand?

Alright, so I decided to kind of continue on this journey of sharing some red flags with you because I just find that many of my clients, they will. Be in a position where they are facing a boulder when, whereas when we talk about and do like a, a postmortem, like how do we, how do we get here? We noticed there was a pebble way back in the day that they didn't pay attention to.

There's a little pebble in that shoe and it was like, yeah, it was annoying, but I'm like, yeah, but that pebble was the red flag. And so having this platform, I wanna share some pebbles and decided to let this. You know, this season be about pebbles, if you will, or red flags that can really sidetrack leaders' careers, or more importantly, leaders' effectiveness in their role in the moment because they get stuck and, and, and, and the pebble becomes so big that they're stuck and facing a boulder.[00:02:00] 

So. Today's pebble is about this idea of like, you, you're in the room, but you're not in the loop. And what happens? And I gotta tell you parenthetically, that part of the, this, like the, the title of the, you know, you're in the Room but not in the Loop, has come from my own personal love for Hamilton. And my mom and I are gonna go see it for, for my third time in a couple of months.

And I've been like playing a soundtrack. And so I wanna be in the room where it happened. Can you know? Came was like, yes. That's how I can explain it, right? It's like you're in, you're, you're in the room, but you actually realize you're not in the loop. And I'm gonna really explain this kind of in three buckets, assess, analyze, and then act, kind of, so hold on to that.

But let me, let me set the stage, like to set the stage before we, we jump in. So you finally made it, you got the title, you're in a, you know, on a senior level. So you're getting invited to the, the. The big meetings, you got the calendar invite, has your name on it, you feeling, you know, like, [00:03:00] oh, right, I finally arrived.

And you get to the room and it, you know, it's probably like a large, you know, board room kind of spot with a bunch of seats. Or if it's a really large organization, you have these like monthly meetings and it's like a whole bunch of y'all, but you are one of the whole bunch of y'all. And you're like, yes, I've arrived.

Right? But then you start, you know, assessing and you look around and you're like, but you know what? Um, there, apparently there was a call before this meeting and it was a big call and y'all made big decisions. I, that wasn't on my calendar. What happened? And you realize that there are things happening before or sometimes after.

The meeting or or places where you weren't even invited. And so I wanna talk about what it means when you're technically in the room, but you're not really in the loop because that is kind of what I think. It becomes a pebble slat, then later boulder because you weren't aware that there's a difference.

And I want you to be aware of the difference. I want you to assess that, analyze it, what that means for you and and, and what's going on, and then [00:04:00] act based on how you wanna move. Okay? So the first thing about this notion of being included, being in the room where it's happening, you first gotta assess, is this the room where it's happening?

Or is just just a room because access to a room doesn't guarantee that you're in the right room or in the right meeting, or that even if you're in the room, let's say a, a strategy meeting or whatever, that you have access to influencing and making decisions in that room. See, that's what I'm trying to say about assess.

You really need to assess what access you have and what power or ability do you have to influence and or make decisions. Because you can be there, but there in a way. That doesn't really promote you having a powerful spot to actually make decisions or move things forward. The reason why I'm saying to assess that is [00:05:00] because there, there still might be value for you to be there.

I'm not suggesting you don't come to a room unless you, you know, unless you have voting power and like that, let's not get crazy. But I'm suggesting that you assess what. Is going on, what room is this? What meaning is this? What decisions are being made or have already been made? Was I invited to those decision making meetings so I can just understand where things are falling?

Because you know, be honest. Sometimes having someone in the room or some folks in the room is a little bit performative. It's a little bit like, look, we're so diverse. Look at all the women we have in here. Look at all the people of color. Wow. Look at our diverse leadership team. Right? But. You realize that these gaps in information is happening where there's only a few people, they sometimes tend to look like themselves, you know, and historically have been the ones making all the decisions.

They already had a meeting, or they plan on having a meeting later at one of their houses or at the [00:06:00] golf course or whatever. Assess what's going on. That would be my first recommendation. When you realize that you're in the room, but not in the loop. Assess, take a look. You know, put your Spidey s up.

Listen out. Listen in to see what is going on. It is not uncommon to be excluded. Actually, in, there was a study done by Catalyst, I think it was in 2020, and they found that women are more likely than men to be excluded from informal decision making spaces. So know that, be aware of that. Don't confuse your presence with power.

Be aware, assess what's going on, and know that. There are things you can learn even from that, these moments. So think about when was the last time you found out about a decision after the fact. Maybe even think about when you're in these meetings, who does all the talking? Is it, is it an open space for anyone to ask questions or to offer input, or is it pretty clearly defined?

Who is to speak? Those are [00:07:00] just some questions to reflect upon to see like. What? What is going on? I want you to really audit your access in these rooms, like access to these rooms, and then what does that access mean? So the second thing that I mentioned I wanted to talk about was analyze. So after you kind of assessed, okay, yeah.

What kind of room is this? Who's making decisions? Who's here? There was a meeting before the meeting or a meeting after the meeting, like after you've assessed that, um, set up, analyze the meeting itself. And what I mean by that is like, listen, there's a time and place for everything. And I think that the time for learning is rich in this moment.

What do I mean? I mean, there were times when I would be in, in one of these small boardroom meetings with executives all around and I have my notebook out. I'm ready to like listen intently so I can ask smart questions and and offer smart input. And then I noticed that, you know. It was constantly like someone was already talking or someone would be [00:08:00] asked directly for their thoughts or whatever.

And so there really was never a comfortable place for me to pop in, if I'm honest. I was quite nervous about, you know, chiming in and you know, would I ask it smartly and you know, I had my own little, you know, little. Fears popping up. That kept me silent. And then one day I realized like, instead of wasting your time, self analyzing what's wrong with you, and ask the question and, oh no, you missed the moment.

And take this moment to analyze and study this room. Learn from these moments, these rooms, these questions instead of wasting the time, you know, with self-doubt and, and self-sabotage. So when I say analyze as the second step, here's what I mean. Take this moment to not internalize what's happening. And, and wo is you, but analyze and strategize in a way that you can come out on top.

Being left out isn't a sign that you don't belong. It's typically a sign of politics or patterns or history or things like that. So don't shrink in this moment and, and go internal [00:09:00] study. Study the players, study the questions, study the business information that's being shared. Study the the relationships, take notes.

I remember one time someone asked this question about this particular technical aspect of our business model, and I literally took notes and then I wrote, I wrote who said it, and then I went and spoke with them later. To ask them more, ask about, you know, like, Hey, can you just help me understand this? I wasn't, you know, things were going quickly and I, I didn't wanna, you know, interrupt, but just walk me through this part of the model.

And the person was quite pleased to, to share with me and to give me that insight. And so if I had, if I had spent that time in that meeting, like, oh, Latoya, jump in now, say something now you can say something smart, blah, blah, blah. I would've missed the opportunity to analyze the room figure, like listen in and learn about our industry and our business model, and then find something that was literally new to me and that I needed to learn more [00:10:00] about, or I wanted to learn more about.

And then I was able to. Develop a relationship with a colleague who was in a total different part of the business, but who can help teach me that part of the business? It was such a win-win for me at least, because I'm, I was learning. So instead of like soaking in that I analyzed the room and strategize and I wasn't doing it to be strategic, be clear.

I, I did it with a pure heart of, I really did wanna understand that, but I'm saying to y'all now. You know, 10 years later, use it as a strategy to, you know, get in there and, and pay attention. Who is someone who you, you wanna learn from? What is a relationship or that you want to build that might actually be helpful for your, your work within the organization or as a potential mentoring experience.

But study the room. Study the questions, study the conversations, learn. And then after the meeting, you have your own, after the meeting, right. It might not be about making decisions, but it can be a very strategic step in [00:11:00] your growth as a, as an executive, your network as a, an executive, and you won't miss the moment.

And so that will be my second recommendation. And what I've, you know, offered to, to individuals, and I'll be honest, like some of my clients will be like, you know. I don't wanna seem like I am, you know, I don't know brown nosing or that I am, you know, just trying to be political and, and, and get in with certain people.

Listen. You know your organization best, so you know who might feel like they're constantly being filled with those types of questions or outreach or whatever. So maybe they're not the, the, the one to do that with. Maybe there's someone else that, that you can ask the question to. Maybe it's one level below that, that person.

Right. But there might be someone that you just generally have a question about a question from what they, they talked about. And I'm not saying spend a whole lot of time. You, you can even do a pop-in if pop-ins are, are okay. In your organizational culture. Hey, you have five minutes. You asked this question earlier today in our leadership meeting and I didn't understand it.

Can you just explain that I like, I don't even need to sit down. I [00:12:00] could just quickly take notes or record it. I just didn't understand it. So that way they know that you're not trying to give like. Do you have 30 minutes? Do you wanna go get coffee? Like, don't do that. That's not step one. Like, like that's not step one of this, of this approach.

Step one is genuinely have a question about something someone said and go and ask them within 48 hours of that meeting, if possible, if it wasn't on a Friday, so that it is, they can remember what they asked and they can remember the context and they can answer you and ask it in a way that you are asking for five minutes.

You're not asking for a whole lot of time and trying to get on their calendar with their, their EA and all of that. That is how you can be a little bit strategic about not losing the moment of being in the room. You're not yet in the loop, but you're gonna learn a lot by being in the room. And then when you are in the loop, you are more prepared to answer in ways that aren't, you know.

With greater depth, with greater knowledge and understanding of the system. So that's number two. So first, assess the situation. What kind of seat do I [00:13:00] have here? Number two, analyze and strategize on how to leverage the seat that you are in. And then number three, act. And what do I mean by act? Take action.

I mean, okay, you not in the loop. You're not in that loop, but maybe you can build your own loop. Maybe you can build your own community, your own allies, your own sponsors, right? Because if the loop that you need won't let you in, then create one. Build the relationships that you need to keep you informed, to keep you in affirmed, and to keep you visible and top of mind on the folks that matter.

So that is also a part of being in that room. You can identify those people who you may want. To have sponsor you that you may want to have as a peer or an ally who can give you back channel intel that could help you with your work. Right? And so look for individuals, it's kind of like part two of the of of me saying, I'm gonna go ask a question that is part one, that is like a genuine, I have a question.

But then [00:14:00] part two of being in a room and looking around and looking at PE for people to, to connect with is, how can I build a community of allies? That not directly. I'm gonna ask the question about this thing right here, but just that I can just learn from that. That can be my mentor sponsor that I can have as a a peer colleague from another part of the business that maybe I wouldn't have known if not have been in this room.

Women with sponsors are more likely to land. Positions and promotions and definitely high visibility assignments. So getting a sponsor is really important and I don't want you to lose that opportunity when you already have a seat in the room. You may not have a seat at the table of decision making yet, but you do have a seat in the room and that's one step that you what you didn't have before.

So leverage the moment, but do it in a way that is completely strategic and thoughtful. So just to recap, y'all being in a room obviously is not, now I'm sure you know this now 'cause I like said it a million times, but being in a room is certainly not the same as being in the loop, but it [00:15:00] doesn't matter.

We're gonna use that moment of being in the room strategically, and I want you to assess what is your position in the room that I want you to analyze and be strategic about how you leverage learning. Space as a space of learning while you're in that room. And then lastly, I want you to use those that you get to interact with and interface with in those rooms to become sponsors, mentors, allies in your community.

Create your own loop from those people that you get to interact with in that room. Because leadership can be lonely if it's, if you let it be. But if you can create connections, whether or not those are handed to you by, you know, being in the loop, or you create it yourself, be in connection, that is what's gonna be most powerful way to grow, to learn, and to execute as a woman leader in these organizations.

So the next time you're in a room, but you realize you're not in in the loop. [00:16:00] Don't spiral, don't shrink. Don't you know internally beat yourself up or question your life's purpose. Pause, strategize and make sure that you are leveraging the moment. To the best of your ability because when you know where the real power is moving, you stop waiting for permission and you start moving with intention.

So continue to be proud of being in the room and start moving with the intention of leveraging that. That confidence and that power. So that's all for now, y'all. Thank you so much for joining Sheila's n Succeeds podcast. Thanks for listening. Thank you for being a part of this community. If you wanna stay in connection and in community with us all the information about how to do so, we'll be in the show notes, but.

You can easily just follow us on LinkedIn. You can DM us. We look forward to, to answering any questions you might have. We may even be able to put one on a, a future podcast, so send your questions [00:17:00] our way. Again, thank you so much for being a part of this community and for listening in. I'll see you next time.

Bye now.