56: Burnout Broke Me—Then Built Me Back | Women and Work

Trying to do it all—and still feeling like it’s not enough—can quietly lead to burnout.

After years of climbing the corporate ladder, Sophia Mikelionis hit a breaking point. The constant pressure to overperform at work while being fully present at home left her exhausted, disconnected, and questioning everything.

Instead of pushing through, she made a bold decision: step away, reset, and rebuild her life on her own terms.
Today, Sophia is an executive consultant helping women leaders avoid burnout, redefine success, and create sustainable careers that actually fit their lives.

In this episode, we talk about:
• The hidden cost of “doing it all” 
• Why small sacrifices add up to burnout 
• How to recognize early warning signs 
• The power of stepping back—and starting over 

What would it take for you to choose yourself before burnout forces you to?

Struggling to find the right child care? Get a video interview of your ideal nanny at https://www.momsub.com/child-care-options

Your team can recognize burnout, reset habits, and rebuild momentum at https://www.gearingtogether.com/

#WomenAndWork #BurnoutRecovery #CareerGrowth #WorkingMoms #Leadership

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

My company had a sabbatical program, but I was so burnt. I was like extra burnt and crispy when it comes to like burnout from this job that when they gave me the paperwork, I couldn't even fill it out. So that's when they said, hey, maybe you take a week off and we revisit this. But by the time I had the freedom of that week off, I was like, I just gotta cut ties because I know I'm gonna jump back in. As I tried to figure it out, I realized, man, I'm actually present for my kids. This is pretty awesome. Like when they come home from school, instead of me just shushing them or hurry up, go do this, hey, how was your day? So I felt like, okay, this is a balance that I want to create. How do I do it?

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Welcome to Women and Work, the show where we take an inside look at how women are overcoming our own unique challenges as we grow our careers or build a business while nurturing relationships or family. I'm Diane Mocha, founder and CEO of Mom Sub, the childcare app that connects you to a substitute mom. And I want you to know that work can fit your life. Each week we meet a woman who has done that. And today I'm with Sophia Mikelonis. She is a speaker and consultant who helps top female leaders who are at risk of burnout develop new framing and habits to avoid hitting bottom. Thanks for being here, Sophia. Thanks. Hello. So I say you got the degrees, right, including an MBA, and you spent 15 years in corporate working your way up from associate to management, eventually reaching director level, and then you took a career break that you actually acknowledge on your LinkedIn profile. That takes guts. And so does taking a break before life and career and all the things took a toll on your health, right? Or maybe it did. We'll find out. So this unfortunately is an all-too common experience for women. And that leads me to my first question. I want to know what you think has been your biggest challenge in your career, specifically because you are a woman.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

Ooh, um, okay, so from itty bitty, I've been taught as a, you know, as a straight A student, I've been taught, hey, put your personal needs aside, focus on those grades. And I feel like I took that with me through college, which was great, through my first job, which was great. But then, you know, 10 years, 12 years down the line, I noticed that I've been making so many small personal sacrifices. And you know what? Initially they were small. Like, hey, instead of lunch, I'm gonna eat that granola bar at the bottom of my purse. But eventually, those small sacrifices they became bigger and bigger. My life began to shift. I became a wife, I became a mom. And I noticed, you know, everyone says, like, um, make sure you you can't pour it from an empty cup. I realized that from my cup, I was present, but I was pouring out um impatience, I was pouring out being a jerk to my friends, I was pouring out just all this hostility. And it's because making all these small sacrifices had become like my lifeblood. And I realized, you know what, something has to shift.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Was there a resentment, do you think, that maybe even subconsciously was growing? And what do you think the resentment was aimed towards? I mean, it you were letting it out to those close to you, right? That's what we do. The ones we love and we spend the most time with, we take it out on them. But if you had some sort of frustration or resentment, what was it about your career in general? A boss in particular, a job in particular?

SPEAKER_01 3:36

You know what, honestly, I just felt like I was being pulled by both ends, you know, by by both arms all the time. Like my stitches were ripping. I felt like there was a pull at home, like, hey, you need to be present, you need to be a good mom, you need to be a room mom. Um, there was a pull at work. Hey, you've always been an exceeds expectations um, you know, person on the team. Hey, you've always, you know, been available all the time online. Why are you changing? And I just felt like that was pulling at me, especially because I was taught, hey, you can have everything. You can have the the, you know, the great car, the great promotion, the great salary, and be a wife and mom. Look at all these opportunities. So that's what I was doing. I was eating it all up and it was pulling at me because of those small sacrifices. I had it all, but I didn't have time to eat a proper meal. I didn't have time to work out. Like, what is that? To get my nails done? What is that? All of that, it made me feel guilty. So, yeah, I think that's where that resentment lied was because we we've all been lied to. You cannot have everything at the same time. You can have it, but you got to have it in doses. And sometimes that balance, it's off. That work-life balance or balancing it all, the juggling act, it's not, it's not real.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

And guilt. So that's a big thing that I think moms experience in a way that um dads or men don't, because we don't hear about dad guilt, but we hear about mom guilt. And so, like you said, you felt like I have to be the best mom I can be and be the room mom. No one probably told you that. Your kids or husband probably didn't tell you that, but that was your internal dialogue based on the things you see and hear in the world and you buy into, right? That's, you know, and and whether or not that was even part of the motherhood journey that you wanted. Like in my case, I recognized I'm gonna do those things. I'm gonna be the Girl Scout leader. And so I set up to work two days a week to make sure that I had the other five days to really focus on doing all those things that kind of the stay-at-home moms do, you know. Um, but a lot of women are trying to do all those things and work full-time, you know, and like you said, move up in the ranks and have the big paying job. So you recognize this um, that you were not taking care of yourself. What were some of the signs that you can tell others and and how hard was it to recognize it and then to take action and then to tell the world and then to step back and take a break? Those are a lot of steps that maybe people get through some of them, but not all of them. So, what light can you shine to help others who are going through that and not sure where they are?

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Yeah, so my body was telling me I was at my limit long before I ever realized it. That involuntary eye twitch that I got when I was staring at the screen too long or those dry eyes, like I would have eye drops at my desk because I'm like, I gotta get through this report or those tight shoulders anytime I had a deliverable. Or how about the fact that I would stay up late, you know, to always be available and to deliver those presentations? I would stay up late and then I would overcaffeinate in the morning, which would then make me extra irritable. And I never thought that there was another way. And I love that you said, hey, I'm gonna set my life up this way, you know, two days on and then five days available for my kiddos. But I felt like because there's so few women, you know, in CEO positions, because I was in corporate in corporate finance, I need to use my seat at the table. I have to flex. I felt like I couldn't take a step back. And there was this one moment when, in order to always be available, I left. I worked an hour and 20 minutes from home. So pre-COVID, it was no big deal. But after COVID, when you actually could work from home and you could, you know, truly, you know, put the dishes in the dishwasher in between meetings, that commute started to eat away at me. But I was still doing it. I was leaving at before the sun came up, I was leaving and I returned when the sun went down. And I went to kiss my my daughter goodbye in the morning, you know, because she's still in bed, and I looked at her hair, and her hair was a hot mess. And I'm thinking to myself, because normally I would braid her hair every two days, every two or three days, and I'm like, why is her hair so bad? Like, why does it look so bad? And I'm like, I haven't been doing her hair. When was the last time I did it? And I realized her dad, my husband, he can feed her, he can clothe her, he can get her where she needs to be, but there's nothing like a mother's touch. And that's when I realized, like, hold, hold on, something has to, something has to shift here. And that's when I started this awareness. Um, and with the awareness, I started managing up, talking to my manager, hey, you know, I need to leave a little earlier so that way I can get to um, you know, my best my daughter's basketball game, or I need to leave, uh, I need to arrive later to get my kid to school. But management, they weren't hearing me because I had already set the expectation. For 15 years, I had been that go-to person. So they're looking at me like I have three heads. So I felt like I was trying to juggle two identities. One, the person that I need to be in this moment, right? I'm no longer the 22-year-old. I know I look 22, but no longer the 22-year-old who is endlessly available, who always needs to please, always needs to provide, um, provide at work. But now I need to be the mom. I need to use that availability differently. So I had to talk with my manager. I realized that I was juggling these two identities, and I had to speak up for myself and said, hey, this isn't working. And that wasn't met with the best, um, the best greeting, but I had confidence in myself. So I would say that women that are listening, when you do build that awareness, get comfortable with it. Write it down before you vocalize it. Write it down. Get because there's there's something that happens between the brain and physically writing things down. It's like you're drawing a line in the sand. You're saying, hey, this is the change I want to make. Forget a vision board, just write it down, get a pencil, get something, write it down so that way it becomes real to you. And then every step that you take, every yes, every no you give, keep that center, like the center of your universe. I need to be more present for my kids. So that way I need to look for different jobs. I need to be present for my kids. I have to say no to this ask at 4:45 p.m. So those are some of the little cues and how I started to make those changes.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

Great idea about writing things down. That's true with goals, with so many things in life. It actually makes a difference in your brain when you take that step. So you mentioned something about the CEO and the expectations and and and the modeling that they were doing. And I wonder, did you have a vision? Was that your ultimate goal? Like someday I should or I want to or I think I'm gonna be, you know, CEO, and was part of this push that, like, I want to get there, I need to get there. This is what's gonna make me feel like I finally arrived or feel validated.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

Yeah, well, as a person of color, I grew up in the South, the southern part of the United States, and I grew up with my pa my grandparents. So um, they kept pushing me, hey, you have more opportunities than I do. You have to move further, you have to keep going. I'm making these sacrifices for you. So that kind of that was a part of my wiring from Itty Bitty. I remember saying to my grandmother, uh, I'm not happy at my first job. I'm not really happy at this job. And she laughed at me. She was like, happy. What do you mean, happy? She was like, Did someone spit in your face? Did someone call you a bad word? Because you can make it work, baby girl. So I feel like that was my wiring. So because I knew I had more opportunities than my grandparents did, I had to keep pushing. And yes, CEO, maybe it, maybe it wasn't realistic, but I gotta try. I gotta shoot for, you know, as far as I can to get there. So yeah, it was always in the back of my mind, like, I'm good here, manager level, let me get to senior manager level. You know, like I always wanted more because I felt like I owed it to my grandparents to do the best that I could with all of these additional tools, additional atmosphere, additional gifts I have been given.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

So you felt pressure, direct pressure from family, and you felt pressure, in a sense, from your entire community, the community of people of color, like they're counting on me. I need to be the role model. I have these opportunities available. And I know if I pave the way, it will help others behind me. That's a lot of pressure. It's wonderful to want to do that. But like you said, you have to drink from your own cup first. Because if you were even to get to those levels to pave the way, and then you crash and burn, the others looking at you are gonna be like, that's not the life I want. And so then it's gonna discourage them. It would have the opposite effect. You know, I someone just told me a story about he he was feeling all this pressure in the industry he was in, and he went to work one day and there was yellow tape, and his boss had committed suicide. And he was feeling like his environment was too much, and he was like, that's a really big sign. And he literally quit the industry he had been in his whole and this is a man his whole life. So, you know, it it does have an impact when we pave the way and we are the role model, but it also has an impact when we push ourselves so far that we crash and burn, others around us are gonna know, even if it's not something as dark as that. And so when you left, um how did you frame that? Because you talk to women about reframing. And how did you frame that in your own mind? How did you deal with the identity of that? How did you let others know that you felt looked up to you, that you felt this responsibility to be a role model for? How did you make that um acceptable in a way that worked for everyone?

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Yeah, so it was really tough because my identity was linked to my title. Every time I was at a dinner party and people asked me what I did, I like I loved bragging about what I did and where I worked. So I was talking earlier about writing it down. Every day I wrote down on a note card, I wrote, I am more than my title. And when I was talking to my therapist, she said to me, Yes, I have a therapist, don't judge me. She was saying to me, she said, Give me three adjectives that describe you outside of work. And I couldn't think of any. I was like, I'm type A, I'm always on time. And I was like, Okay, there has to be more to me than that. So I wrote down those three adjectives, and that's how I started my day. That's how I, that's how I began to refill my cup. Uh, and I had a conversation with my manager. I was like, hey, I need to step away. And the fact that I built my confidence in those things that I written down, it gave me just a little bit, but enough confidence to walk away and enough confidence to tell my friends, hey, I took a step back from work. I'm trying to figure it out right now. I don't know what tomorrow looks like. And because I stepped away quietly from work, some of my coworkers kept calling me, like, hey, what would you do in this meeting with Bill? Hey, how would you uh put this presentation together for Caitlin? And that's when I started giving them tips and small habits that they could weave into their day. And I thought to myself, man, this is so energizing. I feel like this is something I can do. So I started hosting kind of like one-on-one mentoring. And then I hosted workshops because I felt like there was so much power in being in the room with other people who were drowning silently, uh, but didn't have the language for it and didn't know how to show up for themselves. So that's kind of how I began making the shift. It's all about writing it down and trying to move forward.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

Wow. Wow, what a trajectory. So I want to take a step back a little and talk about the the things that the were planted early that kind of led to some of this. So you said you were this go-getter, career was always number one, and then all of a sudden some things came into your life. You fell in love, you got married, you had kids. So did you anticipate when those things happened that it would impact your career or not? And did you try to plan for it? And and what did you do? How did you physically deal with those different things? Did you, you know, at the time, did you get some pressure to spend more time with your spouse? Or did you, you know, set up some things so that you were with your kids more, maybe and then in exchange you were sacrificing yourself? How did you deal with childcare? You know, tell me about some of the specifics of what you did.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

Yeah, yeah. So I was delusional. Okay, talk about being the Lulu. Like my family still lives in the South. I don't. I live uh in Illinois. And so I thought I could raise a kid without a village. I thought just my husband and I were gonna figure it out. Love conquers all. And I quickly realized that you need a village, you need people that you can count on, you need eyes and ears on the street, you need a pulse, uh, you know, a pulse, like uh people that have a pulse on what's going on to keep you informed. But let me tell you, when it came to my maternity leave, I had all these plans. I was like, I'm gonna join this mom's group, I'm gonna work part-time here. And I was so overwhelmed by motherhood, I was like, oh my goodness, what do I do? So, of course, I talked to some of my friends who have older kids. You need to plan date nights, you have to do these things. So I am a type A person. I planned, I have a very to say, but I started planning everything out. Okay, yes, we're gonna have a date on Tuesday. I'm gonna have the sitter. Yes, I'm still gonna show up to this meeting. I don't need six weeks of maternity. I just need three weeks because I want to show up. I don't want to drop any balls. And I realized that I was doing way too much. I didn't give myself permission to outsource. I didn't give myself permission to outsource like the things that I need around the house. Maybe I need someone to bring in the groceries. Maybe I need someone to come, you know, clean my house, maybe. Um maybe I need someone to sit with my kids Tuesdays and Thursdays after school just so that way I can decompress and get my work done. I didn't think about outsourcing. I definitely didn't think about delegating to the people on my team like, hey, this would be a great leadership opportunity for you, a learning opportunity. Sit in on this meeting, fill me in, let me coach you from the sidelines. I'm telling you, I thought I could do it all. And then I realized slowly that yes, I was checking things off the list, but where was my soul? Where was my happiness? All of that had just gone by the wayside. So, yes, that's when I started to lean on other mom friends that I met. That's when I look for nanny services or just outside services to help me with my kids. I looked for older kids in the neighborhood who could kind of be supervised, but still stay around while I'm in earshot. Um, so it was those things that I began to do that kind of gave me a sense of breath. But again, I was re- I was pre-wired, yeah, prewired, I would say pre-wired to do too much. I was pre-wired to overachieve. So even when those things were working, I would say to myself, oh, it's too quiet. Let me take on a new project. And that's when I started to realize like you don't have to go 60 miles per hour, 100 miles per hour all the time. Like there's a season for hustle and there's a season to slow down. And maybe it's okay to sit back, you know, and not necessarily do too much every minute of every day.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

Yes, delegation is key, building up that village, whether you have do you do it through social connections or paying and a combination? And and so what when you went back to work within a few weeks, who was taking care of your kids during the day? Did you go the traditional route daycare? You know, how did that work out for you?

SPEAKER_01 19:22

Oh, I sent them to, yes, I sent them to uh one of those franchised daycare facilities, and that was a nightmare because I it's just that I wasn't getting enough, I'm a type A and I wasn't getting enough information. I'm like this small human who cannot speak for themselves. Yes, I I need like a full write-up of what's happening. Like, yes, it's great they have a clean diaper, it's great all the food and the bottles are gone, but I need to know what do they smile at? What do they laugh at? Like it was just way too much. So then I found a mantisori that was down the street that kind of gave me that detail. But like I mentioned, it was having um friends that had um kids that were college age who were either home for spring break or home for the summer that could give me those eyes and ears within reach. So that way I felt like I was being present while doing my work at the same time. So I I guess to your question earlier, like I had a plan, but it was slowly, slowly like chipped away at. And I think that the most important part is to give yourself permission to pivot because I don't know about I don't know about the people who are listening, but I am a know-it-all. And I think I think I know everything. And I had just like work, I had to give myself permission to swap identities, to to look in the mirror and see the woman that I am versus the 22-year-olds that I, you know, who started the workforce. And also look at, yes, I was checking boxes off, but who am I serving? And is it okay to delegate? Yes. That's the funny thing, is like when our grandparents were, you know, were growing up, like everyone lived near each other. And now when you don't live, when your best friend is two towns over or even three streets over, you have to give yourself permission to delegate because you're giving yourself space to not only think think clearly, but to be present. Because I'm telling you, like I was checking everything off, but I wasn't present, I was missing it.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

Yeah, always thinking about the next thing and you know what what ball was dropping. And so you went from daycare to Montessori and then the kids went to school. Yeah. And so you found neighbors and things like that on a regular weekly basis to what helped the kids after school kind of thing. Okay. Yeah. And how was that process? Was that pretty easy? You were able to just get a referral, or was it that a lot of work in and of itself?

SPEAKER_01 21:40

That was hard. That was really, really hard because just because it's a neighbor across the street who has someone around the same age who you think is great, and just because you like the neighbor, the adult, doesn't necessarily mean the child or the the young adult has the same principles or runs their house the same way, right? And I also found that, you know, when the neighbor, the Neighbor youth or helper came over. Like, sometimes I need a lot of hand holding. Like, hey, hey, I need you to, yes, I need you to play with the kids, which is great, but I also need you to wash the dishes that are in the sink. Yes, I need you to make sure all the doors are locked, you know, especially when the AC is on. So I found myself like having to reteach those things over and over again. Um, so it was pretty stressful. And it made me kind of um I don't want to say regret, but it made me second guess delegating. It made me think, oh, I can do it all on my own, but you can't. I realized that okay, I need to get quality help. I need to try again instead of forcing myself to be everything all the time to everyone.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

Well, and that's one of the reasons we do what we do, because you know, it can be demoralizing to, like you said, try again, you know, look for somebody else, hire someone else, and then go through all the process of doing that, making sure they're okay, vetting them, interviewing them. You know, that's one of the things we want to do is help people be able to delegate that whole process of, you know, finding and managing the care to us. And if it's not working out, knowing that you can find someone else that will work out, and helping you be realistic with your expectations. Look at this person's age, look at how much you're paying them, look at what your um what your expectation is. Is there a disconnect? And can we help you with that disconnect by finding another person who's more mature or having you pay a different rate, you know, knowing they're gonna be doing these extra things and you know, just all of that. But nobody knows that inherently, you know, it's something you have to learn the hard way, you know, and and we think that we should just kind of know those things. We often don't think that way at work, you know. We expect someone's gonna train us or help us, but in our personal life, we think, well, I'm a mom now. I should just have all that mom knowledge suddenly rush into me because I gave birth, right? And it doesn't happen that way. I read seven books on pregnancy, you know, before my first child was born, you know. And then after that, I was like, oh my gosh, I should have read seven books on the first two months because I don't even, I can't even get them to breastfeed. What's wrong with me, you know? So no matter how prepared we are, we're never prepared enough because we can't possibly know all the things that we think we should and we don't know what we don't know. So you made this transition, not even knowing what the future was gonna be. You basically jumped off the cliff and you gave an actual notice, left your position. Did you just say, like, I'm gonna put on hold and come back? It's a sabbatical, or what what was how did you present that? And did you get any kind of severance? You know, did it hurt your f family financially? What were the sacrifices that you were willing to make or had to make because of that?

SPEAKER_01 24:45

Yeah, well, the tough part was so my company had a sabbatical program, but I was so burnt. I was like extra burnt and crispy when it comes to like burnout from this job that when they gave me the paperwork, I couldn't even fill it out. I was so angry. I was like, you know my name, you you know, you know, you know my address. Like, look at the HR paperwork. Like, I was so um uncooperative, I think that's the best word to use, that I I couldn't tap into the program. So that's when they said, Hey, maybe you take a week off and we revisit this. But by the time I had the freedom of that week off, I was like, I just gotta cut ties because I I know I'm gonna jump back in. I don't have the tools to even be able to double dutch this appropriately. Talk to my husband and he's like, Hey, you've been working for a while, okay? Like, you we we've been sack, we've been socking away some of these bonuses. Just take a beat to try to figure it out. And as I tried to figure it out, I realized, man, I'm actually present for my kids. This is pretty awesome. Like when they come home from school, instead of me just shushing them or hurry up, go do this, hey, how was your day? Hey, you know, you didn't eat all of your food today for lunch. What happened? Oh, you know, someone made fun of you. Let's talk about it. So I felt like, okay, this is a balance that I want to create. How do I do it? And that was the hard part to figure out. Um, I never had a plan to be an entrepreneur. Um, but as I mentioned, some of my co-workers were reaching out to me. So I was like, okay, maybe there's a way I could do this mentoring thing for some of my co-workers and still be present for my kids. So that's kind of how my company, Gearing Together, started was from those steps. But again, if it wasn't me truly being honest with myself, looking in the mirror and realizing, hey, these patterns have to stop, I don't think I would have gotten off that roller coaster. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 26:31

And tell me how old the kids were at that point when you made that break and stepped away and and how many kids you had.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

Five and three, and I have two kids, a girl and a boy.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

So that's a critical age, you know. I mean, everyone thinks, well, it gets so much easier then, you know, they're out of diapers, they can do so much for themselves. But like you said, you want to be present. And even in those teen years, when you think, oh, they don't even hardly want to hang out with me, but then you still need to drive them everywhere before they get their license. And when they do want to talk, which is rare, you want to be there and be ready to listen because that's when they really need you, you know. And so all the stages, you know, it can benefit to be around if that's where you want to be. Obviously, if you're in that situation and you'd rather be in the career, then you're in the wrong place. You have to assess, like you said, right at that first job. Am I happy? You know? And uh and somehow, you know, there's a feeling from some in society that, well, you know, if you're doing the things you're supposed to be doing, don't worry about happiness. That's kind of low on the list. But to do your best, ultimately, especially for those closest to you, it should be the highest on the list, right? Because when you're happy, then those around you can be happy. So you started to realize that this mentoring I'm doing can turn into a business. That's a big leap. Again, how did you then do that? Was it just a little at a time? Well, I'll see if the company will pay me. And then did you go through a whole process to like structure and get a name and set it up and demonetize, or was it just a little at a time?

SPEAKER_01 28:09

Yeah, just a little at a time. Like every time, well, uh, because I was talking to some of my co-workers one-on-one, I was like, hey, I'm at this is my business idea. I would love to do this. Hey, if there's someone else more junior who you want to refer to me, that would be great. I could do three sessions, this will be the cost. They would have to pay for it on their own. And so it was kind of like word of mouth because someone senior was telling someone junior, hey, you should talk to this girl, talk to this lady who actually has this expertise. She burnt out, you don't want to burn out like she did. Let's start there. So that's how I started testing the waters. And then once I had like two or three junior people pay me just a little bit to test it out, then I said, Okay, let me set up an LLC, make Uncle Sam happy, and uh keep moving. So that's how I built that. And I also realized that the beauty of one-on-one is great, but the pressure kind of it's it's on yourself and the mirror to make it happen. And when you have these workshops and people together sharing the same like pain points in real time, because sometimes these workshops are online and people will put a thumbs up emoji or a heart emoji in the the conversation, the context that I'm talking about. And there's so much, there's just so much realism and awareness that's built and community. I'm like, wow, this is this is where I need to be. This is my jam. So I went back to those companies who were referring me to those individual employees, and I said, hey, have me come in for a workshop. And I gave them the case studies, and that's how I turned this into a business.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

Wow. And so now, how are you juggling being a business owner and a mother? How old are your kids? How long have you been doing this? What's the business called?

SPEAKER_01 29:47

Yes, it's called Gearing Together. Um, I've been doing this for three years. Um, the the kids are okay. I have to continue to um set aside boundaries for myself. Like 3:30 when they come home. Hey, I need to log off. I need to wrap up everything I'm working on so that way I can be present. Number one. And number two, I bring them along for the ride. Like, hey, sit here, sit here and do your homework while mommy rehearses XYZ so they feel like they're a part of the process. Or while they're eating, I'll just, you know, pick up the cue cards and you know, just like start practicing to keep them involved or so that way they feel like they're involved in the process. I don't work on the weekends, but I make sure that I'm starting with family first and I'm blocking my calendar. And rest feels good because I know that I'm pouring into the my next generation, right? And if I don't, if I don't show them how to rest, they won't, they'll think, they'll feel guilty about it too. Like it's great to make, you know, straight A's, but let's rest together. You know, rest isn't always a nap. Sometimes rest is us playing hooky today and going to the mall and walking around. Sometimes rest is, hey, we're just gonna do a coloring together, take a break from your homework. But again, having this set up, it really gives me the space to not necessarily make decisions from pressure, but to lead from my heart, to lead differently.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

But you still have that type A person in you. So I wonder, do you have certain goals and metrics? You know, are you trying to work on this full time? Are is your intent to grow this? You know, do you have certain levels you want to reach in terms of your revenue or the number of people that you're impacting? And and how are you making those decisions? Or are you trying to take this in a much more informal way than you had your previous career?

SPEAKER_01 31:36

No, you're right. I am type A. You know, I have KPIs, key performance indicators. I have a certain number of speaking engagements I like to have every year, a certain number of discovery calls, a certain number of inbound, outbound clients. Um, I do have an assistant. She went to grad school with me. So she's able to kind of like keep me grounded, and I'm also able to delegate with confidence. So, yes, my type A has not gone away. But fortunately for my kids, they get most of it. They're like, oh no, she's home again. Great.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

So you put it in a particular place in terms of your life and schedule. When the kids are in school, I'm gonna work on this. In the summer, I'll put them in a camp and I'll work on it when they're in camp. But I'm not gonna let it bleed into my weekend. I'm not gonna miss an event I want to go to. If the kids have something going on during the day, you know, mine would have like a, you know, they're they they won in their class and they're gonna be in the school spelling bee. You know, parents are invited to come in the middle of the day, right? And I was one of those lucky parents I felt like that could be there. I could adjust my schedule to make sure I was there. So are you doing those kinds of things? Do you feel like the value of being a business owner is that control that you have over your schedule?

SPEAKER_01 32:47

Yeah, yeah, absolutely the time freedom. But also for my kids, I tell them I will not be at every basketball game, even though I could be. I want them to have the self-confidence in themselves that, hey, my mom can drop me off. I can still show up for my team, and then I can tell her about it when I come home. So I also kind of like switch the balance there as well. Just because I am available, um, I don't want to take away from their independence because they are growing into young adults eventually uh and teenagers. Uh, so yes, that that balance is still there. And it's it's critical, I feel.

SPEAKER_00 33:19

And and that's a you know, something unique to every family. You know, some parents want to be there for everything, and some want to to draw a line, and some say that's the time I'm gonna use to work out, and I'm not gonna adjust my workout if they their game happens to be at the same time, you know, and it's all different. And so that's the key, right? Is helping these people that you're coaching. Are you doing any one-on-one coaching anymore? Or is it mostly just workshops and speaking?

SPEAKER_01 33:44

Mainly workshops, one-on-one. Um, yeah, sorry, workshops, workshops. And then if someone asks for one-on-one, I can. But yes, workshops is my bread and butter.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

And so, how do you help people who every situation is kind of unique, you know, in how they came to where they are and how to help them prevent, you know, something that may be different than what you experienced?

SPEAKER_01 34:05

Yeah, so in the workshops, there are a lot of thought exercises and a lot of activities where we actually pause and and think through it, write it down, and we talk it out loud. We talk through it so that way one person can either hear themselves and someone else, or they can encourage the other person. Um, of course, I have an intake form to understand where people are, but that space, that workshop, is truly the room, the space where you get the support that that you need. Because if you if you think about it, who can you really complain to? You know, your sister might judge you, your spouse doesn't want to hear it, your work bestie is like, yeah, me too, sister. Uh so that's kind of where that workshop is that sweet spot. And yeah, after the workshop, there are a few people who tap me on the shoulder and they say, Hey Sophia, I I like these exercises, but I leave them, I need a little more hand holding. That's that's where I come in. I it's called the 360 spin where I help us, I help them really assess the pattern that they're in. We look at, we, we look at a mirror, pull up a mirror, understand what's going on, and then create a vision and then small steps to get there. Because sometimes people do need a little more support.

SPEAKER_00 35:10

And so tell me about the sacrifices that you may have had to or maybe not make in terms of like, did your family have to adjust anything financially? I think it was about 10 months that you were not working, kind of trying to figure this out before you really formally launched your business. Maybe you had a few little clients that you had sort of said, oh, maybe you could pay me for this. But and then when you start a business, even if it starts to grow and you have KPIs, it's usually not replacing your salary, at least not in the beginning. Um were there, you know, anything that you eliminated? And were there things that you protected and said, no, I it's important to me that I keep having someone come and clean the house? I don't feel like just because I'm working from home running a business, I should still have to do that or I'm gonna get back on that hamster wheel. Like what were some of these decisions you made?

SPEAKER_01 36:00

No, that's a good question. Um, honestly, the the case I I we don't um we still had our date nights. So yes, I still have someone come in and watch the kids so that way we can have a meaningful date night. Um the shifts that happened, we lived on Top Ramen, we lived on leftovers. I glorified the leftovers. In fact, you know that show Chopped or, you know, the I think it's like a it's on the the Food Network or something, Chopped. I would make it a game, like let's see what leftovers we have and what we can make out of this. So I feel like because they were on the younger side when I took a step back, they it was fun. They didn't really notice a change. And a lot of our vacations were hey, let's go, you know how people do bar hopping? We did playground hopping. Hey, let's go to this other neighborhood and try their playground, and then we would rate them from five stars, one star, five star. What did you think of this one? Let's go to all the three stars, let's go to all five stars. And it's so funny because the kids would give five stars because it had a big slide, and I would give it five stars because it had a bathroom. So those were some of the, I would say, the concessions that we made along the way. And I'm happy that I made that change then, because even now, if we do go to a restaurant, they're looking at me like we're taking the leftovers, right, mom? You know, or even they're using creativity, like we still have some leftover noodles. Maybe we can add some, you know, some spices to it to make it fun. So that's why I'm happy that in this change, I brought the kids along with me. I was very transparent about that because they're really able to help me build creativity, but also build our family support system. Some of my friends who have taken a step away, they kind of shield it from their kids. I want everything to be the same. But I told them, hey, mommy wants to be a little more present, gonna figure it out. I don't know what that means. Uh so this is this is what we need to do. And they were like, okay. I was like, wow, kids really are resilient, aren't they? Top ramen, three days in a row. Okay, let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 37:57

And you know what? There are so many options to go out and have a good time with family without having to spend money. Yes, it is more expensive nowadays. Oh my gosh, if you want to take them to like an NFL game or an NHL game or something, it's crazy. But then instead you take them to, you know, we have the Kane County Cougars in the Chicago area, right? You know, little um, or you just go and watch the local travel team that you can sit on the bleachers and watch for free when they're little. So, you know, I love your idea of going to the different playgrounds, you know, um, a lot less expensive than going to uh, you know, amusement parks and, you know, paying for six flags, right? Or or Disneyland. And so it doesn't mean you have to do that forever, but the ultimate goal for kids is to have a good time with their family. You know, when they start to get older, that's when mine started to question like, why do we have to have hand-me-down clothes? You know, when they start getting close to being teens, you know, I don't want to bring my friends over because their house is bigger, you know, then you start getting that comparison. Yeah. But, you know, at that point, you've instilled in them what is important in your values. And and at that point, you know, you don't know where it, you know, it's gonna go uh until you get there with them. And so I want to know when you look back at your past and you think about a time that you could change something if you knew then what you know now, what you would pick as something to change.

SPEAKER_01 39:24

I think I would have listened to my body sooner because I think my default, anytime my body sent me a signal, my default mode was push through, push through, push through. And pushing through was great, right? But that to-do list keeps growing. And at some point, I needed to be leading with how how do you rest through? How when are you really going to rest, Sophia? You know, because for me, I was waiting until that big vacation, you know, uh Paris was my dream vacation got there, and I couldn't rest until the last day. I'm grumpy over the you could you imagine like an amazing croissant, chocolate croissant, fresh chocolate croissant, and I'm like grumpy because I'm like, oh, this time, you know, the time change. And again, if I would have found, if I would have led with rest, how do I re-energize myself? What small habit can I add to my day, to my week? Or how how can I um step up? How can I get a promotion without doing everything for everyone? So instead of pushing through, I would reset pushing through as my default, and I would lead with rest through. There's a good book by um Courtney Carver, and it's called Um Gentle, and she talks about just small ways or small small things you can do to rest through, to start your day with rest in mind, and then to romanticize that. Because when you can do that, it helps you kind of push aside romanticizing pushing through. Because if you think about it, our reward system for pushing through is a promotion, more money. But resting through, you know, it gives you peace of mind. It gives you that fresh cup of coffee in the morning. It allows you to appreciate it. So I would say, yes, resting through. Don't default to push through.

unknown 41:00

Don't default.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

And it gives you better health. I mean, I know from personal experience that you can have health impacts, you know, that I have experienced myself and recognize like this happened, you know, a week after this stressful thing happened, you know, and I know that they're tied together. You know, I was getting pains on this particular day when I was dealing with the bills, when I was going through, you know, financial hardship. I know there's a connection. You know, it took a doctor actually to tell me that, but you know, um, so you will experience when you don't push through the relief and um the power of being in good health. And when you're in good health, everything else is easier and better, right? Because if you're in pain, when you talked about your shoulders hurting and the eye twitching, when you know something's not right with your body, it it affects everything around you and it affects the way you interact with people. So these are all such wonderful insights, and we really thank you for sharing them with our audience today on this episode of Women and Work. If you were inspired by today's story, remember to share it with a friend, leave a review, and subscribe to meet our next amazing guest. If you or anyone you know is struggling to find the right childcare, check out MomSub's free webinar that guides families through the steps to find and keep trusted, reliable care at momsub.com slash webinar. That's momsub like a substitute mom. You can connect with momsub on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, or LinkedIn. Our mission is for you to discover what you want in life, pursue it with intensity, reach out for help when needed. That doesn't always mean pushing through, right? You want to delegate to, and then fulfill your dream, reducing your stress, guilt, and self-criticism, and increasing your calm, confidence, and clarity along the way. So remember your career, your choices, and your success are yours to define. So keep pushing boundaries and spreading your love and encouragement to other women who need it.