Dominic Michael | Why Modern Relationships are Failing & How to Fix Yours Fast | #140

This week,

 I sit down with Dominic Michael, relationship coach and author of The Last Time I Apologize for Being Too Much, is known for helping people break out of toxic relationship patterns and rebuild their confidence from the inside out. Through his coaching, content, and writing, he’s built a growing audience by calling out the uncomfortable truths about modern dating, self-worth, and emotional boundaries.. without watering it down.

His work centers around one core idea: most relationship problems aren’t about “finding the right person,” they’re about becoming someone who no longer tolerates the wrong ones. From attachment styles to communication breakdowns, Dominic focuses on the internal shifts that actually change your outcomes, not just surface-level advice.

But this conversation goes deeper than dating tips. We get into why so many people settle, how past experiences quietly shape your standards, and what it really takes to stop over-apologizing, stop over-giving, and finally show up in relationships with real self-respect.



Dominic's Links:

The Last Time I Apologize for Being Too Much Book - https://a.co/d/06uQ734G

https://share.google/nHJsq1NPIAlPz7Eue

https://share.google/SmF73TrK68dpau8eO

https://share.google/NjJJDKktaRaYR4EjN



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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, you lie yourself in the mirror every day. Right. You know you shouldn't do this, but you do it. So it's it's so really crazy. If you really, really give yourself those things, identify those values, and give them to yourself. Bro, you're never gonna take love.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Yo, yo, yo, but your boy's little wham bambenaminum, and it's another whampen Wednesday, baby. The show about ordinary people have done extraordinary things. And as today, as always, I have a special treat. But first, you remember, the show is free. We asked for one thing. Just go down there and click the subscribe button, please. It costs absolutely nothing, just a little bit of effort, just a little punch. That's all we asked for, so we can continue to bring in wonderful guests and keep the show going alive. Today's episode is for all of you out there who are having relationships with people, and you're gonna have a problem sometime or another. Or maybe you've already had problems, but you don't know what to do with them. Well, today I brought an expert in the house. This guy will tell you the things that you probably don't want to hear. You probably don't want to face it in the relationships that you're in. We got to welcome to our show. We got Dominic Michael in the house. What's up, Dominic Michael?

SPEAKER_00 1:25

What's going on, man? Thanks for having me. It's an honor, it's a it's a pleasure. I think uh you follow me, don't you?

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Absolutely. I follow you, man.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Did she follow me first?

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Yeah, she's yeah, well, you know what? Actually, if she was following me first, that's a big shout out to my sister Pamela Raposo. There it is. She's the one that actually brought you to me. It's like, man, you gotta check this guy out. He'd been great for your pod, great for your listeners, you know, our subscribers. I appreciate it. Because it's all about, you know, the reality is everybody has a relationship, sooner or later in life. Whether it's a girl, girl, boy, boy, girl boy, whatever it is. Correct. You know what I mean? Yeah. There's a relationship that happens. And unfortunately, there's gonna be ups and downs. There's there's there's hills and valleys along the way, and people face adversity, they face problems, and they think they're the only ones that are going through it, and you actually give meaning to a lot of these problems.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

You know, I tell you, it's um everybody else does have relationships that can start from the relationship with your parents when you're young, uh, and then how that transcends into relationship with yourself in adulthood. So I think um how why I started doing this was really to save people and have relationships with themselves first before anybody else. I think uh there are people that struggle in relationships, and it it it's a global, I was telling your son, it's it's a it's a global language, it's worldwide. Yeah, no matter no matter what what you're not immune to it. Right. And a lot of people that reached out to me over a few years that I've been doing this, um, and and you kind of mentioned a little bit, you know, everyone thinks their problems are unique, you know, and i it it's not at all, it's pretty common uh across the entire world.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Yeah. Well, you know what? Most of your material is on clips of different situations that people are going through. And you kind of you kind of you know you don't beat around the bush. You get right to the point. Correct. You know what I mean? And and unfortunately, it's the truth. And sometimes the truth hurts people.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

I I I will always say this, uh, you know, I I've always considered myself a human or a spiritual being having a human experience where some people consider themselves just human with no spirituality. So for me, it's just simple. You know, what do you want? Go out and get it. And what you realize is people will wind up compromising the things that matter and not the things that don't. So, you know, if a person is in a dating situation and they don't want kids, but they're gonna entertain some women that may have kids, or vice versa, the woman wants, you know, children, but she's entertaining a man that doesn't want children. So I I never for me it's just common. And and when I see it, and I've been through a lot, you know, uh four marriages, a couple intimate relationships in between. Yeah, four marriages. Four marriages.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

So divorce four times.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

Divorce four times.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

Your choice or hers? Uh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

Boy, girl, um, I would say the first one mutual, second one my choice, uh, third one my choice, and fourth one my choice.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

So let's talk about that. Sure. Let's talk about that real quick because a lot of times, you know, and the reality is people always end in what I call one of the two Ds, right? It's either divorce or death. You know, that's just it, one one way or another. But the reality is if one side wants to leave and the other side really doesn't, it's kind of they kind of feel bamboozled a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

You know? Yeah. So you're the bamboozler by the sounds of it.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Yeah, pretty much. What was that like? I I'll tell you, I think um, I was thinking about this the other day because you get a mixed reaction. Uh I get a if I tell people, hey, four marriages, four divorces, I'll get the reaction from from female. I mean, 80% of my following is female. Um, I get, wow, now I can see where your experience is. Same thing with men, you know. Oh, now I can see what you went through. Um and then you very little small percentage, you get the people that says, oh my God, really? You know, very small. But I think, I think when you with me speaking globally and people that reach out worldwide, it's it's not uncommon. I I most of the people that reach out, they're on their let's say third marriage or their second marriage, or you know, or you see the woman that you know had four or five serious relationships in a span of 10 years, and it's like there's nothing different outside of a piece of paper.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

You know, why why is that, man? Why is it that marriage now, like before, you know, the old days, my parents growing up, watching them, married 50 something years. Yeah, same. You know what I mean? Um, and now it's like you got a 50-50 shot of not making it.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Well, you know, well, even if you take the 50-50, yeah, okay, because people say, Well, it dropped. Yeah, because I did look, and it's like, okay, so it dropped, let's say it's 48%. Okay, did it drop because marriage succeeded, or did it drop because there's not many people getting married now? So it could be a big difference. But even if you take 50-50, how many on the 50% are still staying in because of the kids, because of the house, and they're still unhappy. Right. Because I have a lot of people, male and female, that will reach out and they're there because of the house, the kids. They don't have anything else. And I think in this day and age now, I say it. I if if you you took, let's say, my parents and that kind of uh dynamic and you put it in this day and age, I mean, you you're my age, if not a little bit younger. Um so, but if you look and you say, okay, put that dynamic in this day and age, you know, back then women just started voting, they weren't making money, they were stay-at-home moms. Now you look at the majority of the women out there, at least the ones that I know, through my platform, they're all highly successful financial-wise. Right. And that's a different dynamic now because having mad conversations last night, no coincidence, where you have the 200, 300, 400k woman, right, a year, and then the man is like 100k, 75.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

I don't mind having the sugar mind. I don't mind that either.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

I would say, I I would I would tell a lot of them and say, geez, I mean, I can talk to a multi-million dollar model who went through a shit relationship and this guy wasn't really doing anything, but just managing some properties. Right. And then you're like, Jesus, you know what you could create with that money, but there's no drive. So that's where you see a lot happening. So women are making, in my experience, women are making some a lot more money than men. Right. And men, for odd reason, are feeling demasculated because the woman makes more. But I really believe that's the program that's handed to them that you're not vulnerable, you put a roof over the head, you provide, and if and if men in these days don't break that stigma, you gotta adapt to what the current society is.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Do you think money is a problem in relationships like the fact that you know you talk about a strong woman that can actually bring in a nice you know income, sure, you know, along with a man, if you could do the same, together, you know, they're they're financially better off. Do you do you find that those people have better lasting long longer relationships than than than the opposite?

SPEAKER_00 8:17

I go by a model and I see a lot of this that are really successful. That I always think that if you operate like you take a masculine man, okay? Say it all the time masculine man is not bald head, hat on, beard, tattoos, look strong. That's not a masculine man. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

Wait a second, you described yourself just now. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Exactly. So so when you look at it, they can have that visual, of course. But the strong masculine man, real, has a mission and a purpose. Whether his mission and purpose is a company, his mission and purpose is to always provide for his family, a mission that could be any kind of mission and purpose that man you know creates. That's his number one, right? What happens is they don't have anything like that. So if you have, I see a successful dynamic like this. You have a man that's in his masculine, right, which allows a woman to be in her feminine. The man provides that emotional place for her to be vulnerable and sink into, right? So if the man is driven, intentional, disciplined, right, that woman's gonna feel automatically safe. I can be around any woman, any any phone call across the entire world, and I can just instantly see their feminine come out. And they would tell me stories, and they're always in their masculine. Meaning you have a man that is not intentional, lazy as fuck, ain't doing shit, right? Um, no direction, little boy in a man's body chasing around, cheating, contacting other women in their DMs. I see it all the time, you know. That forces a woman to be what? Now in her masculine energy. So now she's the one making decisions, making plants, paying the bills, telling him what to do. So you have one that's kind of like the child, and then the mother. And then you could have the opposite too, though. So you could have the opposite of a female that, you know, is like a dependent. She didn't have a great relationship with her with her father. So on two sides, you could have somebody I just did a segment the other day where it's like a female that has daddy issues, this is what it looks like in adulthood.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

Well, you hear that a lot, right?

SPEAKER_00 10:22

And a male that has mommy issues, this is what it looks like in a relationship. Sure.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

Or you went through a bad relationship in the past, so then unfortunately, the next person suffers from it.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

Correct, because you didn't take the time to yourself. Yeah. I used to always call it people call it like monkey branching now, but I used to call it bridging, you know. So you're bridging from one to a next, to a next, to the next. You're not taking any time to yourself.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

What's the reality though? The reality is, you know, people become insecure, right? Do you see that more insecurity kind of breaks up marriages or breaks up relationships more than anything?

SPEAKER_00 10:55

Uh yeah, I see the thing. The majority of people I see that have real, real relationship issues, um there is a lack of self-esteem, lack of self-confidence. Uh, but but it was interesting because just had a um conversation yesterday, you know, and and they'll know who they are. Belfast, Ireland, right? Yeah. And so you got this person that is in a female that's in lack of self-confidence, lack of self-esteem, stuff like that. I could talk to them for an hour. Okay. And what you find is she was in this relationship, let's say a couple years, I think it was two years, I can't remember. Um, split up uh September, I think it was, and she starts exercising. She had a good support system, she's got uh starts exercising, she's glowing up, she's taking care of herself, uh, feels great, confident, confident, all this stuff, right? But then doesn't even recognize that four weeks ago lets the guy come back in. So now it's like low self-esteem, anxiety. And I'm like, what do you think that's from? That's the energy of the person. It's a pattern. It's a pattern. That's the energy of the person. If it's like, do you ever get that text from somebody and you look at it like and you feel like a little stressed, a little anxious, that's the energy of the person. You know, or you get a text, you're like, oh, there she is, you know. That's the energy. And what I what I see in breakups, insecurity, conf like, lack of confidence, stuff like that. Number one, they don't, and it's not so much, well, he lacks insecurity or he lacks confidence. What I see is nobody talks about values. I mentioned this with your son in the car ride, right? No one talks about values. So you could see somebody married five years, ten years, fifteen years, twenty years, right? And I've done all this on myself. I went through with four divorces, right? Right. So if I look at people to this day that are going through divorce, it's it's almost like, okay, what is that male or female, whoever's talking to me, what was their number, what what what was their number one internal value that they told you? And they say, well, I think, no, I don't think. It had to come out of their mouth. Well, you know, they're they're kids, not external. Well, they're money, external. They don't talk about values. So I got a system for myself that it's like, okay, uh, honest, transparent, respectful, communication, vulnerability. Those are my top four, right? Transparent and honest with a motherfucker in the mirror, right?

SPEAKER_02 13:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Respectful to myself, always, you know. Communication, that's my self-dialogue. I will not speak shit that doesn't serve me. I don't wake up and be like, oh, this bullshit, I'm fucking tired. You're not magically gonna feel better. Okay. So I will speak nothing that doesn't serve me. And then vulnerability, I'll I'll put it all out there. I'm not, I got no fear. And what you wind up seeing is there is no talk about values. So before you know it, you're six months in, this shit's happening, now you're a year in, this shit, and what you see is people look too much at the potential that they saw in the first few months, and then the first few months turns into a few years.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

You see some of their values changed along the way. You can change them along the way. Because, you know, when you know the honeymoon's over and the honeymoon phase, and you know, the kids come around, and then all of a sudden you're dealing with you know, kids growing up in school, and then going, but then all of a sudden you start changing and you get this midlife crisis, right? That's what everybody wants to blame it on. It's a midlife crisis. How do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_00 14:25

I don't, I don't, um I used to go in that rhythm maybe in the first couple marriages of the honeymoon phase and stuff like that. Now, now what I see is it's not that. I see what happens is, you know, Phil likes A, B, and C, and so do I, so this is a match, you know. But I now realize over the year over the years of going through this and realizing to this day, it's all about connection. And people are trying to take someone that they just have common surface level things and try to force a connection. Right. That's what happens.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

Like I'm I like to play this, so if somebody else likes to play the time, we're gonna match.

SPEAKER_00 15:07

Yeah, I mean, I did one where it's just like but they say opposite attracts, right? Yeah, but I'll I'll say this opposites attract, but they don't sustain. They'll attract, sure, 100%. Yeah. I just say all the time the best sex is with the most toxic person. It's just a fact. I'm sorry. Right. That's a fucking fact. Not saying the others are bad. I'm just saying it's it's the best with a toxic person, but um, and that's because it's based on superficial things, physical, you know, stuff like that. So I I really see that relationships do fail when there's there's no real connection. And it and and what happens is yeah, you got that honeymoon phase for those that don't have a connection, but I don't believe in, you know, I I said it the other day, I don't believe in date nights. I think it's fucking stupid. You should be dating your person every day. Every day. Now it's it's it's it's like plan explain the date to you.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

Like, what does a date mean to you?

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Um You know, where do you come off? Um so right off the jump, I realized this over last year's. I will not um I don't date anybody local. Um, I think sometimes it's it's more of a distraction for me with what I do than anything. But benefit is that if I'm speaking to people from a distance, this is just me, I'll spend 30, 60 days just constant communication. Okay, whether it's through FaceTime, WhatsApp, whatever it is. Now, my conversations, I go deep. I don't, I don't, oh, so what do you like to do? Like what kind of movies? I don't watch movies, so I can give a shit what kind of movies you like.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

You know, um that's a little insensitive. Uh yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

Yeah. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 16:42

You're insensitive to the woman. Right. No, yeah. You find out their emotions then start coming out and it becomes a problem.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

If she's really sensitive or watches a lot of movies, then we're not a match. Okay. Yeah. If she watches a lot of, we're not a match. What happens if everything else is right on point? Right on point, sure.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

If everything is good on point, I'll I'll her values are good, her poor values are good, she looks good, she turns you on. Sure. She's you know, the lust is.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

So let's go, so let's go for a date. Honestly, a date, uh a date to me, and and I've and I've spoken this with a person where a date with me, and she understands this too, is just really being how do I put this? It's almost like being in each other's presence, for example. I don't know a lot of people are not gonna understand it. Some females probably will, but it's it's being in someone's presence and just having those next level intimate conversations, but also in the same sense, you kind of bounce off each other. So it's really observing what this life experience is about, and what I mean by that is we we we've we've talked about dates to where you know what, let's just go out and just observe people. You know, just observe, and then we also talked about dates to where you know what, okay, cool, let's go get a workout in, that's fine. But let's go out to dinner, right? But then you're gonna point out somebody that you see it's their first date. You're at a nice place, and you know that couple saved up just to, you know, go to that place, and we're gonna we're gonna flip their bill, they ain't gonna know. You know, those kind of things. Or take a couple, I've talked about this, take a couple thousand dollars, and uh you see it all the time on YouTube, we'll do the same thing. Take a couple thousand dollars and go to grocery store and let's see who's struggling, we're gonna pay for the groceries. Yeah. That's a date to me. Yeah, you know, because I believe doing gestures. Correct.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Being gestures to the human race.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Yes. So for me, dating, I'm in a service to the world.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

Yeah, but you know what? Being military, which you're military, thank you for your service. Sure, of course, yeah. Appreciate that. Air Force, right? Air Force. Air Force. So you did how many years?

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Uh 26 years in the National Guard and accumulated four years active duty. So, you know, 2020.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

Global. Yeah. So you have to see a lot of things. So you so you used to serving, you know, serving the country, serving, serving people. So that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

So appreciate that. But you know, let's be honest. So not everybody has a great relationship outside of being out together. You know, they come home and then it's like real life starts. It isn't necessarily.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

I hear that a lot. Like, you know, I did one, I did one video, uh, real out there, and and it was about deep connection and doing that. And y'all are, you know, sitting next to each other on a couch, scrolling through your phones, like you're you're you're that's quality time to you. And I had some lady, I forgot it was a year year or two ago, she did a stitch on it, you know, yeah, where she interrupted at the eight seconds I started speaking and was telling me I don't know what kind of world this guy lives in. And and sometimes you need to talk about the dogs and stuff. And that's and that's cool. I get it. Those are just routine. It's just the same thing I'll tell a woman. If if if they're going common language, if they're going to get their nails done, their feet and their hands done, their you know, eyebrows, and they call it self-care. No, we call that maintenance. That's just maintenance. I go to the gym, that's maintenance. Right. You know, if I if I want to shape, that's maintenance. You gotta maintain the vehicle, right? Right. But it's more like how do you maintain the inside?

SPEAKER_01 20:09

Well, it's funny, you know, you talk about routine, and I think that's what people get caught up in. Yes, and and that's the unfortunate thing because they get comfortable. And then you get set in a comfort zone and and you forget because you're like, okay, well, this is comfortable, this is familiar, so I'll just stay in this space because of that reason only. Yeah. Because they're afraid of getting outside of the space, realizing there's more for them.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Well, that's why I try to tell them it's like, well, people that reach out that are still married, male or female, and speak to me, um, that's exactly where they are. You know, just staying in comfort. They just they're the the joint friends, you know, the parents that all get along. So, so they're more like not afraid to break it, but they can't picture more. Here's the biggest thing that it's not even so much the comfort. Most people just can't be alone. They can't be by themselves. Yeah, I don't like it. I'm not gonna lie.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

See, I'm one of them guys. Are you really? I'm one of them guys. Really? I'm learning that being alone's okay, it's peaceful. So so peaceful is okay. But you know what? You don't want to die alone. Well, you know what I mean? I think that that theory is what scares me.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

Well, define alone, you know.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Well, alone is like nobody around, like nobody comes to your bed, right? So, you know, if you're sick and you're in the hospital, who's gonna be there? You know, fortunately I have family, but you you don't know if who outlives who and and where things go.

SPEAKER_00 21:29

But so so to me, because I I I live with myself, I never stay alone, I'm always with self. You know, I got a very spiritual belief. So there's me, there's my higher self that's connected to my creator, my universe. I'm never alone. Ever. I'm always with myself. And I used to look at people and say, male and female, if you don't like being with you, why would I enjoy it? Right. You know, and that's the biggest thing. And then like always attracts like so, and people, I think, you know, outside that that's That's a big factor. They don't they use language like I don't want to be alone. Sure. And like kind of defying a lot. I'm never alone. I'm always with self. Right. I got two girls, my two dogs, you know, and and I can talk with people worldwide. And then you got to look at it this way, too. For your average person, human out there that is working, going to the gym, going to the grocery store, and having kids coming home, single mom, single dad, whatever it is, how much time are you actually really alone? Really? And you know, Matthew McConaughey put uh a compilation of a video out there one time, and I always use this kind of his quote in this one where it's like, no matter who you lay next to at night, you're you're always sleeping alone. Right. You know, you you close those eyes, you're you're there. You're there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

Yeah. It's nice to wake up though and have somebody there. Sure it is. Sure it is. Trust me. Let's be honest.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

It's nice for someone to give you a reason to be late for work. But but you know, honestly, um, going into even something like that, it's like I I think people stay too long. Um, meaning maybe when they first meet somebody, they stay too long. Because usually the flags, I mean, just from my experience, talking to people global, and I'm able to speak to it where when did you see the first sign? Was it about three weeks in, four weeks in, you know? And they're like, well, well, yeah, he kind of or she kind of, but then they just swipe it away and go more forward. Like I said, I think people stay too long. People the other thing I see is you got a very small percentage in like myself that now it's just a mantra of dating intentional. That's why I don't I don't do this.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

Say that again. Slow that down, say that again.

SPEAKER_00 23:42

Dating intentional. Meaning. Meaning, if you're gonna date, date intentional, if you're going to if you're going to multiple date, say it. If you're gonna see other people, is that okay?

SPEAKER_01 23:55

How do you feel about it?

SPEAKER_00 23:56

Sure. I mean, if somebody I don't I don't think it's right to sleep around, you know.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

But dating, isn't that part of a date?

SPEAKER_00 24:04

Uh in my world, no. In my world, it's it's it's more Yeah, but let's talk about the whole world. The whole world? Um here here's the truth, though. Very small percentage, guys might disagree, females won't. Very small percentage, there's women dating multiple men.

SPEAKER_01 24:21

Right. Do you feel like somebody can be in love with two different people?

SPEAKER_00 24:26

I think you can love a lot of people.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

Um can you be in love with two different people?

SPEAKER_00 24:31

I I don't um I have I have an issue with um in love versus love. You know, because I gotta have unconditional love for everybody, with which I do. Sometimes it doesn't sound that when I speak intentionally, but I'm trying to save you.

SPEAKER_01 24:48

But I see there's a good person there. I can tell. Yeah, I can tell. I feel the aura. I feel the aura.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

In love, I equate to connected to.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

So can you be Yeah, but you can be connected to two different people in two different ways. There may be somebody emotionally that that that fills you a lot more, fills your cup up a lot more than somebody maybe physically, you know, that that fills you up more. So you can kind of have both that are different.

SPEAKER_00 25:15

I think you really come down to a point of you know what you what you really want. If I say, you know what, um I want this kind of, and I don't focus on it, but if I want this kind of um uh woman physically, you know, I want this kind of person that has this kind of spirituality belief. Um, I want her very emotionally aware, and I want her emotionally intelligent, you know?

SPEAKER_01 25:41

So she gets gives you everything but one of them.

SPEAKER_02 25:45

I'm out. You're out. Well, I won't, I would, I would not date her. Okay. You know? Not even a date. No. Not even a Saturday night. No.

SPEAKER_01 25:53

All right. No. All right, no, no. See, I think most people today are. I mean, because there's so many dating apps and stuff, right? Everybody's never swiping laughs, swiping right, whatever that you know, they're trying to get the quick fix, you know, to to their Friday or Saturday.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

I've never been on one date nap.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

Yeah, me neither. In my life. Me neither. You know, but unfortunately, a lot of the world's using it and people are hooking up that way. And it's unfortunate because you don't even know what you're hooking up with anymore. You know, there's so many different AIs and apps and you know, people catfishing other people. Yeah, catfish.

SPEAKER_00 26:26

So catfish filters, um, a lot of that. Filters are big. I don't, I don't, I don't dive, I don't do filters. I did I can't dive with somebody, even if you're gonna I could understand like who you are. Like a light filter, whatever, but be heavy ones, yeah, be who you are. And that that's that's the uh when I first started is my mantra at the end was actually do you be yourself, be true to yourself. That's really like the mantra of this. And I think um I I think people are afraid. Johnny Depp had a great quote, if you ever heard it, you know, it's a little reel he does he did, or somebody did, um, where he said everybody wants to be themselves, but they can't because they're too busy falling in line with the person in front of them. And he says, if you want to live that life, I wish you the best. I'll be on the other side living mine. And that's how it is. You know, I get a lot of people all the time that say, you know, all your voice, you're this, and uh your soul direct your intention. I can never do what you do, never do what you do. I'm like, I don't I don't I don't have any fear of what people think. Right, it's of no consequence to me.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

Well, you gotta remember being through four marriages, yeah, you have a life experience that most don't have. Sure. You know, let's talk about that real quick. Sure. Let's get into the first one. You're first married, how old? How long? First uh first one was high school sweetheart.

SPEAKER_00 27:44

Oh no, not high school sweetheart. Probably met her about 19, 20, 20. Um she was a year younger than me. This is outside Chicago. Um, it's what you did. Hardcore Italian family. You have 42 first cousins, you know. You're you're popping four four weddings, three weddings, two weddings a year, you know, and then you got your girl you're living with at the time, even though it's kind of like toxic because you know, there's arguing, there's cheat, there's cheating, there's all this shit, right? You cheat? Uh I cheated my first one, so did she. Did you? Yeah. Who made you cheat? Huh?

SPEAKER_01 28:17

What made you cheat?

SPEAKER_00 28:18

Um, back then, I think it was just this that's what you did. It was like, uh, if she's cheating, guess what? Guess what, bitch? I'm gonna go do the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Yeah, but she's cheating. Don't you want to get the hell out?

SPEAKER_00 28:30

Uh yeah, but not when you're like your payback. Not when you're like 21, 22, because you don't have any fucking experience in your brain, you know, and and you're still in a national guard and you know, just join the national guard, and uh you're just like, yeah, it was it was it was chaos. Eye for an eye. 100% back then. Fuck yeah. You know, I'll just do it worse than you did. Right. You know what I mean? That that's how that was.

SPEAKER_01 28:53

Um, and then really But you know what's so funny because that right there is classic because people do do that, right? Did it to me, I'm gonna do it to you. Yeah. So and then what ends up happening? Both of those relate, both of those people are damaged for the rest of their life. Correct. And they bring that trauma into the world.

SPEAKER_00 29:11

You could, if you can solve it and not bring it into that, then that's that's kind of 90% of the time they can't. No, no, that that nor do they know how. No, when when in my just my experience, and I'm not trying to heart to anybody that is trying to work through cheating, it just will never, from my experience, it never worked. So no matter how much you try to, I did counseling back then. Uh, I think it did maybe one or two sessions, and and even back then in that mindset of in your 20s, it was like you're going to counseling just to see who's right and who's wrong. You know, you're you're gonna be right out there.

SPEAKER_01 29:43

I'm gonna be on your side.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

Yeah, exactly. Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 29:45

You're trying to justify to yourself of why you did what you did. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:49

So that pretty much was just done. I mean, we we live in Chicago at the time, moved down uh to uh St. Louis, and after about a year, it was just done. You know what though?

SPEAKER_01 29:59

You still spent an extra year with her. Yes. So let's let's just hit on that for a second because there's so many people out there in toxic relationships right now.

SPEAKER_00 30:06

Yeah, my son, my she was pregnant with my son too. So when we did it, you had a kid involved. Yeah, when we did move.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

Were you wait, were you concerned that maybe that wasn't gonna be your kid?

SPEAKER_00 30:16

No, no, I I never went through this. That's why Matt's there was maybe question about it, but um long story short, no. I I wasn't too concerned about that.

SPEAKER_02 30:28

That's good.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

Um and then about a year after we moved, that's when I was done. My son was uh turned he turned two when uh uh I wind up filing, two, two and a half. Yeah. It wasn't bad. I mean, but uh I'd say, even like now, the first What made you file?

SPEAKER_01 30:47

Uh I couldn't do it anymore. Was it that or did you find somebody else?

SPEAKER_00 30:50

No, couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_01 30:51

So it had nothing to do with another relationship. Nothing to do with anything. You find that most people get out of relationships because they're into another one already.

SPEAKER_00 30:57

Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

You know, I was just curious about it. No, no, yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

I think I think with people that reach out to me, um, number one, if a woman files, you know, and a man reaches out to me and says, Help me save my marriage, right? Because I got served papers, you're done. It takes a woman at least two years to hit that point. She's already checked out, bro. It took her two years to do that. She was already checked out two years ago. You just didn't notice it. And then what usually when a man gets served, you're done. And then what I see in men, um, they're more reactionary. So they'll run out, say, fuck this, I'm getting a divorce. They go, they go sleep on brother's couch, you know, go do their shit for a month, and then come back and say, can we work this out? You know, I don't think they're they emotionally really process anything. Um so in mine, it was like there was nobody else. I know she was talking with somebody else. It was irrelevant at that point to me. Um went through the typical divorce process. You know, I fought over stupid shit and what's child support gonna be and and all that stuff. Right. But when that hammered out, all all done and clear, um, she wound up remarrying. And it there was for us, there was no about three years after, but she we she'll still she'll still send me a text message to this day.

SPEAKER_01 32:16

Yeah, you know, get along oh yeah, uh oh yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 32:19

Happy Thanksgiving, she'll do a Merry Christmas. I helped my son out. Uh my oldest, he's 27, right? So I helped him out uh with a situation he was going through, and she hit me up right the next day. And she only messages her, you know, stuff like that on holidays. Uh but she hit me up the next day. Oh my god, I just want to say thank you. And I'm like, he's 27. So it's it's okay. It's a call me. I appreciate it though. She's she's fine, she cracks me up with that. So I I'm uh I I consider myself blessed to have that kind of relationship of just you know, if she reaches out, it's not, it's it's you don't get anxious.

SPEAKER_01 32:55

Do you ever think about what it would have been like if you stuck it out because of the kid? Yeah, no, you know what I mean? No, but I'm saying a lot of people, there's there's people out there right now listening that are in relationships that have children and they should they should part. They should part ways. They're miserable together, they're miserable with each other. Correct. They don't like each other. Correct. Some people probably don't even sleep in the same bedroom. Oh, yeah, but they're staying there because of the kids.

SPEAKER_00 33:16

I think that's the biggest, uh I think that's the biggest false that anybody could ever do. Um, and that's why for myself, I made sure in my own head that it was very it was a bad relationship. Um, even my second marriage was a bad relationship. Um, and I didn't want my kids to see that. So if you look at my oldest, he can't remember us out there. If you look at my youngest, he can't remember. I I made I did that by design. Yeah because even when I went into my first marriage, you know, you're Italian, you know what the family tells you, oh, you know, the first 10 years of marriage are hard. I'm the youngest of four. I'm like, bro, I'm not gonna see five. Right. And none of my marriages went past five. So that was just by So your second one, tell talk about the second one. Second one, I was like the savior, you know. She was a single mom, um, had a daughter, uh, struggled a little bit. She had a daughter. Yeah, she had a daughter. Okay. She struggled a little bit with mental health and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 34:15

Did you have any any women? Just two boys? Two boys, just two boys. So no girl, no girls. No girls, only two. So you're really not a real man then yet. No, no. You know, you have to have that that that little female.

SPEAKER_00 34:25

You have to have that little female? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:28

I dated girls with females, but well, that that that could give you some some some character too.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

Oh, yeah, sure, 100%. And I think um within a second, it was it was a lot of um um I won't say names, but it was a lot of mental health um awareness and and struggles and past uh within that line. But I I did stick it out when my son was born. Um it wasn't like I just bailed. So it went through You don't seem like a bailing time. No, as much as you can do. There's no proverbial checklist, but I would always just try to, you know, maybe get some therapy here, let's do some counseling here, let's uh go to the doctor, let's see what you can do. Um how old were you then? Um early 30s, mid-30s.

SPEAKER_01 35:15

Kind of ironic, right? What you're doing now and today and helping so many people through through these experiences.

SPEAKER_00 35:21

Yeah, so that was the the first marriage that ended white right at going until like 30. Um and then the second one was probably around mid-30s or late mid-mid thirties, maybe. Yeah. Uh so it was about three, four years, like I could see how long, 27, 19. That was probably about eight years. Yeah, so about four years, four years in, you know, five years in. So uh early 30s. Uh huh. And I just couldn't do it anymore because it was very toxic, you know.

SPEAKER_01 35:49

What is that like though, that day? You remember that day when you had you brought home the paper and you told her I'm filing.

SPEAKER_00 35:53

I'd like to Well, my second one, I wound up um taking my son with me. You know, and and and I waited probably for about it was it was about a year. I filed. Um I would I did want to get into a routine um and keep my son good. Um when I served the papers, yeah, of course, you know, there was and she was local, so of course it was a lot of anger, you know, and stuff. Right. Um then for a period of time we we were getting along. Um she didn't show up too consistently um and you know, never uh ever get physical?

SPEAKER_01 36:31

No. Not with her. No jail, ever go to jail from one of your.

SPEAKER_00 36:35

I had my first uh from my first eye when when I went out one night for going away, came home late, uh, she was mad, you know, threw uh threw a bag at my car, just go home, you know, go back to your, you know, whatever girls. And I'm like, what are you talking about? That was my uh first marriage, mid-20s. And she smacked me in the face and I pushed her into a door, a front door, and a small town. Right. So before you know it, it's like that's how bad it was in Chicago, you know. So it was like breaking a backdoor window. She would because I locked her out, you know, just shit like the stupid shit, you know, that you still see 40s and 50s doing, right? Right. And I can remember we're in a small town and we'd move from the city and we're in a small town. And I same thing in New York, you probably know this in New York, same thing in Chicago. You ain't calling Chicago cops because your wife threw a plate at you, right? Or she broke the back door window, right? You know, they're gonna say solve your shit. They ain't showing up, right? You know, but now you're in a small town, population one, you know, pretty much like a thousand, right? And it's not a joy, but you know, pushed her into the door and then went upstairs, and uh, like I said, early 20s, and she hung up a phone, and it was a habit of doing it back then.

SPEAKER_01 37:53

She was called cops out of everything. You know what? It's so funny because looking back, and I look back now as well, and and I think about how how people and relationships change in in a in a second like that. I mean, you go from laying down, making love, having you know, falling in love, oh, you're the one to all of a sudden throwing plates, can't stand one another. Yeah, and but yet you're still afraid to leave.

SPEAKER_00 38:15

You're still afraid to say, hey, listen, let's instead of me throwing a plate, let's just let's just and that's kind of where I'm at uh now currently, because I mean, you know, you can be in a big city, cops ain't gonna do shit. You'd be in a small town, you get arrested, and then I wind up getting disorderly conduct.

SPEAKER_01 38:29

Right. You know, why is that though, man? Because you know what?

SPEAKER_00 38:31

It's dumb.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

I I went through it too. I went through it and I unf you know, I visited every jail in this freaking state for custody of my daughter at the time, but like her mother didn't want me, but yet somehow that that pushed me, you know, because she didn't want me. I want to try to figure out why. You know, I just wanted to know why. Yeah, and I and I think a lot of people get like that. They get in a relationship, and you know, it's the fact of being you know rejected.

SPEAKER_00 38:54

I seen a worse of the worst in people that reached out. I got there's a lot of horror stories out there, yeah. That people feel this rejection. I just said it yesterday on a call um with a person very close to me, and it was like rejection to me is redirection and protection. You know, I believe very strongly in creator, God, universe, that it's not even when you're rejected from that job, you know. Do you ever realize? And here's a true story, though. If you really think about it, self-reflect. Do you remember maybe that job you got rejected from or that relationship? And then you look, where did it go a year later? Better? Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:36

Go to Amazon today and purchase money management for beginners, a book for everybody, especially younger kids. Kids that get money and don't know what to do with it. This is the best$20 you'll ever spend. We'll save you millions. That's right. I said millions of dollars if you start young and earn you the same. A M A Z O N Amazon. You know what? People don't think that in a moment. You're right. I I remember my father when he was living, he came to me in Atlanta at the time and he gave me Garf Brooks' song, Thank God for Unanswered Prayers. And he says, You you don't understand this, but what's happening right now is God is protecting. He's answering your prayers. You think he's not answering you? Well, he's answering your prayers. Well, you could tap into that subject. And I looked into that now, and I look back and I go, wow, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:23

You can tap into that subject all day long. I can remember um, and I and I say that people pray for these miracles, right? Or this help. But they expect it in the way they want it.

unknown 40:36

Right.

SPEAKER_00 40:36

I had a relationship, uh, walk out in three years, right? Three years living in, I had the house, I bought the house. Um, she didn't want anything to do with on the house, so moved in in three years. So at that time, I'm sitting there, I forgot this was probably about 2015, right? And I'm sitting there paycheck to paycheck. I'm a federal employee making good money, I'm paying paycheck to paycheck, right? She's helping out a few, you know, she paid a couple bills, give me a couple hundred dollars a month. So I'm literally living paycheck to paycheck at this time. So she moves out, she goes back to an ex husband that she was divorced from, and she was with me for three years. Went back. Went back to him.

SPEAKER_01 41:19

How'd that make you feel?

SPEAKER_00 41:21

I I'll be honest, I didn't think about it too much because I was like, I and I used to, well, one thing I used to say in that relationship why do women do that?

SPEAKER_01 41:29

No, this is something they go back in time because there's unresolved feelings.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

And I would look at this woman, you know, at the time, and I'd say, you know what? And they had kids together. Yeah. And it was constant conversation, constant conversation, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And I'm like, look, this isn't about baseball mitts and soccer cleats. And I looked at her one day and I said, you know, there's one or two things you need to do. Go have dinner, create a good parenting plan, you know, see if you can, or go go to a hotel room and fuck the shit out of each other. Because something's unresolved here. And when she walked, sure was upsetting. I kind of knew it. She's one that looked at me and said, you know, I love you, but I'm not in love with you. You know, okay, we're back in high school. Right. So um, I let I don't, I didn't, I didn't chase, I let the person go, you know, and they did. And what you find is there's there's and and when we talk about praying for miracles and stuff, now she's out. I'm like, oh great shit, I'm paycheck to paycheck. I gotta start, you know, doing all this stuff.

SPEAKER_02 42:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00 42:26

Fuck, you know, how am I gonna afford this? How am I gonna afford this? I was barely paycheck to paycheck, but her money was covering some bills. I'm fucked.

SPEAKER_01 42:33

Right, you know, a lot of people are in that same position.

SPEAKER_00 42:36

So I sat there, I was working from home at the time with my job, and I would sit there, just talk out loud all the time. I always talk out loud. And I'm just like, man, help me kind of balance this money, help me kind of Jesus, you know, help me, you know, try to keep me afloat. Two days, it was a week later, a week later, knock, knock, knock on my door, and it's the sheriff. And he serves me with an increase in child support order. And I'm like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 43:04

You know, I'm making less, I gotta pay more.

SPEAKER_00 43:06

Well, no, I was making a lot more because uh it hasn't been uh changed in years. Oh, gotcha. So now my child support's gonna double, you know? And I'm like, one kid. Yeah, and I have full custody of my other one with no child support. Gotcha. So I'm like, I sat there, I was like, man, dude. So I had to really open up my books and start figuring out what I need to do. Okay. So friends look at me and they'll say, How is that a miracle? How is that your prayers answered? You know, I said, because if I wasn't served those papers, I would have never opened up my books. And then when I opened up my books, this is what's crazy. I didn't get a raise. When I opened all my books and she's gone. You know, the girlfriend left. I had more money, even double child support, I had more money after each paycheck than I ever did. And I'm like, so were my prayers answered? Hundred fucking percent. Right. But it didn't come in the way I wanted. Right. It came in a serve, you know, that made me evaluate all my income and resources and cut out the f bullshit. And now I'm sitting there with a hell of a lot more money, even though my child support's doubled. Right. And I'm not talking pennies. I'm my child support is like$1,200 a month. Sure. So um, but that's where I think when people pray for things, it doesn't come in the way they expect. Right. You know? It comes the way it's supposed to. It comes the way it's supposed to be where you're going to learn it. That's right. And that's how I do it. That's that's when I see people's like a lot of my followers would tell you the same thing. It's just like, um, I get a lot of praise from like, oh my God, you know, if um and I'll do random calls. Like people have sent me really heartfelt messages and I'll speak with them for free. And and you know, and I'll ask them the same thing. What have you been praying for? Just a sign. Sure. You know, and it's like, hi, you know, so it's like, let's get you out of this shit. You know, whatever it is. Not not like totally destroy the relationship, but you know, somebody left three months ago and I can't stop, you know, trying to think about it. Okay, so let's let's go there.

SPEAKER_01 45:06

You know, um talking about the money piece, because you are right now, obviously you're growing, you've grown your channel, you got well over 200,000 followers.

SPEAKER_00 45:16

Yeah, well under a quarter million.

SPEAKER_01 45:18

Yeah, a quarter million, a couple thousand every month. Like people are constantly, you know, grinding on you, but you ch you don't charge anything, and you're not trying to monetize your channel. I won't do it. You're not trying to make any money off of anybody. No, you actually have these conversations with people that reach out to you, sure, where you could charge for, you know, people pay for counseling, they pay for coaching, correct. Um, which is you know, which is a big thing, correct, you know, type of thing, because coaching is important, and um, but but you're doing it, you know, for free.

SPEAKER_00 45:46

Yeah, I did it for I did it for years for free, and I think it's um I think it's just a service that I feel is almost like a calling, right? To really help others. And I I a lot of few famous people, you know, would always give me shit, you know, you're still talking to people for free, you know. That's the joking around, but they they were kind of serious, but I always laughed with them because they got great personalities and they're awesome people. Um I did after my book drop, I did the book, and we get into that, but I did the book in December, middle of December.

SPEAKER_01 46:16

Yeah, we're gonna talk about this book. It's the last time I apologize for being too much. Yeah. Being too like, so so where'd you come up with the title?

SPEAKER_00 46:24

So so the title, I'll tell you, the title is very important to me because um went through a hella year, you know, in 2022, had a relationship walkout, and and I can remember I know there's cheating going on and all that crap, but I can remember after that relationship, you know, I I used to hear in in in other relationships, and in that one too, you know, um, you overanalyze, you're you're you're too overthinking, you're you're too sensitive, you you're you know, basically almost like you're just too much in a sense. Just think of anything that's over, you know, like oh man, not so much mana, but again, you you're you you overanalyze, you think too much, you you you need to just keep things simple, you know. And I remember after that demise of that relationship, I honestly said out loud, I just left the fuck word off. I honestly said out loud, that's the last fucking time I'm gonna apologize for being too much. And really just went within myself. If you want less, go on. Yeah, and that's and that's where it became. That's really where it became because then I'm going into the new year because it just happened at right after Christmas. So then I said, I gotta speak to something. You know, and I for uh threw my first video out January 2nd. I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about. There was no reels. I threw my phone in a cup holder. I started speaking this project 24 shit. It's for you, it's for me. It's still out on YouTube. What is Project 24? Okay, so Project 24 was something that I created. I looked at maybe mid of 22 with my ex at the time. We were gonna talk about maybe like some sort of company, you know. She was uh she's she's in healthcare, you know, okay, as a uh PA. So it was more of uh, you know, let's let's look at the whole picture, right? So we can do um spiritual, mental, emotional, physical. All right. So you have emotional intelligence, mental awareness. There's there's there's one angle, and then you also have the physical and spiritual. So um she was a heavy, worked out a lot back then. She went through a major weight loss at the time, uh, before me. So we did a lot of gym and stuff like that. Where I was like, look, it's probably a good company to do personal training. You can do nutritionist. I'll handle the emotional intelligence and the spirituality side.

SPEAKER_01 48:33

Which we would normally think would be the opposite. Correct, yeah, right, right. Right. Most of the women are more emotional than the men. Correct, correct. Yeah, yeah. Hi, I'm Phil Benamino, CEO and founder of Cost Plus Processing, the company that provides financial services to your business. We provide things such as POS systems, ATM machines, and check services. One of the biggest things that we strive ourselves here at Cost Plus Processing is our customer service. We are an A plus rated with the BBB customer service, and we're proud to say we're here in the United States with all of our customer service agents. Subjections actually teach you and educate you about the costs that you're currently paying and show you ways where you can eliminate those costs that you no longer have to pay. One of the biggest programs that are out there today is our fuel pricing program, where you actually can offer your customers now a choice of how they want to pay. Do they want to pay with cash or do they want to pay with cards? And if they pay with card, it actually helps you to absorb the card fees so you no longer have to pay the fees like you've done for many, many years. Costless processing aligns ourselves with some of the top POS companies out there in the industry today. For example, we have perfected the car dealership industry, and our dedicated team are equipped to manage a variety of online payment forms and financing options that merchants require in this advanced ecosystem of payments. If you have a restaurant, we're proud to be able to manage the ongoing difficulties that arise from this fast-paced industry, and you're looking for pay-the-table, where customers can easily swipe their cards, tap their cards, and make their payments with tip, and also have a choice of how they want to play. We have the solutions for you here at Cost. We want to help other small business owners make their dreams come true, from providing the best financial support, from barbershops to liquor stores. Having the ability to take payments, schedule online, and make calculating dictionary an easy task only helps business owners put more attention and money into what really matters the most. Also, cost plus processing is on the front end of AI. We can also provide you kiosk for your business. So customers can walk over to the kiosk and order anything that they want. Likewise, if you're having problems getting employees in the kitchen to work, we can also provide you robots that will actually deliver your food straight to the customer. I want to thank you for the time that you took to learn a little bit about cost plus processing. And most importantly, why we are the future of merchant processing.

SPEAKER_00 51:05

So threw my first video out there, and it was like I even say it in videos, I don't even know what the fuck this is gonna be, you know, but it was crazy because it's it then went into just being a nonprofit that I'm just gonna do this shit for free. I don't give a fuck. Right. I'll just do this for free. And um then the book came probably I want to say what are we in 26? End of 20, probably right towards the end of 24. Where it was like I'm speaking to uh I fast forward it too much, but you know, Instagram, Facebook, Instagram um is what I was doing, and then hey, go on TikTok. So I started doing uh Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and then I said, you know what, why don't I try doing a podcast? So then you know, you go through RSS, you get your little feed, uh UR feed, whatever. Um so I started doing a podcast. Um, and then it's like drop Facebook because to me it's drama book. It's like it's it's a lot of arguments, a lot of drama. You see people having arguments and stuff like that. It is social media. It is it's social. It's I love social media because all I do is put out my content and I don't have any personal pages. Um so then going into 24, mid-24, that's when I said, you know what? I have so much content out there because I didn't stop. So I did um when I started January 2nd, I might have missed maybe a day or two here or there, but it's been nonstop every night. Right, you know. Um, so the book idea can't be listen, it's a lot of material.

SPEAKER_01 52:39

First of all, go follow him. If you're not following him, go to Instagram, follow this man right now. You know, material's great. Thank you. And and and I gotta be honest, like there's a lot. It like you putting out, and it's new, it's different, right? It's different every day, but it speaks to you. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 52:54

I was talking to a person very close to me uh last night before leaving. She's a big, big, big, big, big supporter for me.

SPEAKER_02 53:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:01

Um, and we would uh FaceTime, and I'm like, you know, that's the thing, is like you do it every day. It's like you just I don't pre-record my stuff. Right. Um, like if I'm out of town, like, you know, hanging with you, I I can take something two years ago. The crazy thing. I could take something two years ago that still makes sense, yeah. That had 200 views. Right. Reposted. And re and recycle and repost it. And before you know that thing's got 35,000 views. Right. Um, but yeah, it I enjoy it because you do it, you you're affecting people. I see my inbox. Yes. I see the message requests. Right. I I I've talked with people that balling her eyes out, you know. I got more happy Thanksgivings than ever in my whole entire life. Right. You know?

SPEAKER_01 53:46

Great, right? When you're making a difference.

SPEAKER_00 53:48

That's that's what that's why I didn't charge. I try charging after the book.

SPEAKER_01 53:51

What about when you get the little cycle? I'm sure some people have fallen in love with you. Um I don't I don't get some advice, and all of a sudden they're out of their relationship and they start leaning.

SPEAKER_00 54:03

You you might get somebody you're you're speaking to to help them and they're and they're catching feel feelings, right? Right.

SPEAKER_01 54:09

That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 54:09

Um they're vulnerable. But I never really had anybody that was like insane or or or stalking or anything like that. And I and I think why is because of what I actually really speak to. So when you really, you know, and I'm not categorizing women, I noticed this when I was used to be married, my last marriage, we were on Facebook, we were in fitness group pages, you know, transformation Thursday, flex Friday. Now the people that come in your inbox, then what do they focus on? The physical, right? So now when you change the rhythm of yourself, demographics, yeah, it's huge. And now you're talking about emotional intelligence, mental awareness. You're not gonna get the crazy obsessed woman that's physical, she's gonna know what to say. Right. So, how what is she gonna say to you? I do get I have another close person to me too that that is overseas, and and and you know, used to say and laugh and be like, So, how many marriage proposals did you get? And then you get somebody, you'll get somebody in your best box and said, I love you. You know, I don't really respond too much, or I want to marry you. That's rare, but it it happens. Getting haters? Very small. Yeah, very small.

SPEAKER_01 55:18

Who would they hate on?

SPEAKER_00 55:20

I had one, I did I did a reel, uh, was on cheating.

SPEAKER_01 55:23

Yeah. And I had a cheater and they got mad.

SPEAKER_00 55:26

I get a person into my message request that says you're making it really hard for a person that wants to cheat. But they but they frame it as you make it really hard for people that actually want to, you know, change. Yeah. I know. You if you cheated, it's not my fault. I'm speaking about it. I'm not making what did I make hard?

SPEAKER_01 55:44

Well, you said you cheated. You've done it. Yeah, I've done it. You've done that.

SPEAKER_00 55:46

I've learned from it and I press forward.

SPEAKER_01 55:47

Right. You learned you learned why you shouldn't do it.

SPEAKER_00 55:50

Exactly. You know, and what you find is most people they don't they don't learn the lesson.

SPEAKER_01 55:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:56

You know what I'm saying? I I I have a rhythm.

SPEAKER_01 55:59

What do you think the most lessons are from cheating? Like what what what do you think the biggest reason why people cheat?

SPEAKER_00 56:06

Oh, that that can be a number of reasons.

SPEAKER_01 56:08

I think top three though.

SPEAKER_00 56:09

I I'll give you I'll give you a couple things and and how I see things. So you can have a woman come in and say, He cheated on me. And uh a lot of the women, and I've and I see this, a lot of the women just want to know why he did this. Okay. And I'll let him go for like 15, 20 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 56:28

That's in the security part.

SPEAKER_00 56:30

Yeah. So I'll let him go for 15, 20 minutes, and I said, Look, okay, I'm gonna pause you right there. I speak very directly, and they know this. And I say I don't give a fuck about him. If you want to pull him in, you can pull him in this call. I want to know why you tolerated it. So, number one, you look at a man that cheats, people focus on the surface level action, and then they focus on the other person, meaning the woman or the man. So if a woman gets cheated on, she's focusing on the other girl and she wants to know why, right? I say you gotta go below the surface, okay? So most men will cheat, okay? Not not all the time, but when it when it happens that way, it's most men that do it, is what I mean. When you get when you have somebody that's in an infidelity kind of relationship, majority of the time it's the man that was cheating, right? Just just sorry, that's the demographics I get. Um but I try to tell women or I try to tell men quit looking at the surface action because like attracts like in my world. You know, you don't attract what you want, you attract what you are. So then you get somebody who says, Well, I'm not a cheater. That's the action. Go below. Why did the person cheat? Why? Uh insecurity, low self-esteem, needs validation, you know? You see all those reasons, then he doesn't. Most women won't do that. You get some, but majority won't go out and cheat, you know. They're gonna tolerate it. And I'm like, now you gotta look at yourself. Insecure? Low self-esteem. There are two people, well then I cheat, but look at below. You're insecure, he's insecure, you know.

SPEAKER_01 58:05

But you know what? You gotta define what cheating is. It doesn't always have to be sexual. No, I did like like you don't have to fuck somebody to be cheating.

SPEAKER_00 58:13

I I will tell you this. I've I've done segments that, and you can read, and I read every comment, and you can go through the comments. I did one emotional affairs emotional cheating. That's the fucking worse. Yeah. That's the worst. You might be able to have a man or a woman to get over the fact that he had a one night or he had a two night, whatever. I don't include any of it. That's that's my deal breaker.

SPEAKER_01 58:33

How do you feel about somebody telling you that, well, if you didn't ask, I didn't lie.

SPEAKER_00 58:38

You're you're lying. You're lying. I I did one, where it's the same thing. It's like I had I I I I looked at the best person I actually say that.

SPEAKER_01 58:50

It's like, well, you didn't ask, so I didn't lie.

SPEAKER_00 58:51

Well, I had one experience where it's just like, do you think you're transparent? Yeah, no, you're not. Right. Yes, I am, no, you're not. You're honest when asked. Right. And I used to say it all the time. If you if you get off the phone, and I'm not talking to know everything, but if you get off the phone, basic conversation. I don't go basic, basic, generalized people are having conversations. If you hang up the phone and you got more questions, that's how transparent she's not.

SPEAKER_02 59:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00 59:16

That's not and that's how transparent he's not. So, and it's so it's so simple. I can sit there and say, Hey, what you got going on? Well, I'm gonna leave work, take the girls out, my dogs, um, hit the gym store, and I'll be home about 7 30. What do you got going on? I got some running around to do. Right. What oh that tells me everything. Right. Tells me shit.

SPEAKER_01 59:37

That that's a compelled communication problem.

SPEAKER_00 59:40

It tells me nothing. Right. So when you look and you think, okay, um, what was the dynamic before me? Oh, you know, this person didn't communicate. And oh, so you spend five, ten, fifteen years with somebody that don't communicate, but you're the communicator? No, like attracts like okay. So that's that's how I see it. There is no I I did once, I'll probably do it again when I get home. That's a that's a lie by omission. I'm not gonna I had that. I had that where people would look at me and say, you know what? Um well I didn't want to tell you because I know you're deciding for me. That's that's that's for me to decide. You're taking that that you're taking that control from me. Well, I don't want to tell you because I know you would act this way. No, you don't. You're already deciding. So you you're a liar.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:27

That's that comes that comes right afterwards. I didn't tell you because I didn't, I knew you would how you would react. You would get upset. I'm gonna want me to do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:37

That is to me, uh just to me, when you have that dynamic, when you have that dynamic of I didn't want to tell you this, I didn't want to tell you that, to me, that's worse than fucking physical cheating. Thank you. Fuck worse because now you're sitting there, you can get over at some point. But you can get over that point at some point with the one act of a physical cheat or a kiss. Okay, got it. But when somebody like withholds and lies by omission, you're sitting there asking yourself, is this true? Every day. Is watch every fucking day.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:15

Wonder. That was the thing. It's like you got to come home and start start bombarding you with questions. Correct. So you can't sleep. I can't live like sleeping in with that hey, just do anything.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:24

And I and I'll tell you, one of the biggest things for me, and this is where people lack, is I have a little tier system I use. So what I do is I do not I do deal breakers, non-negotiables, my values, and my boundaries are aligned with my values. So deal breaker, what is it? Lying, cheating, emotionally or physical. I'm out. You're not gonna lying if it's a one-off, usually if they're not, I'm out. Right. Um, non-negotiables, whether it's the gym, my platform, podcast, what I'm doing. I don't negotiate it. Uh, do you have made the video? Yes. You know, do you have to bring up yes? Right. You know, gym. Uh part of my life. We're in New York, you have to go to yes. You know, I'm not, I'm not, there's no negotiating it. Um, and then values. If I have uh honesty, transparency in the same in the same level, if I have vulnerability, if I have um communication, self-dialogue, um, and respect, now my boundaries are aligned there. And you would always notice this too. This is what I mean. No one's gonna come in my house and disrespect me. Okay? No one's gonna disrespect me because I don't disrespect myself. And what you find is subconsciously, you will only, you will never take, you will never take less than what you give yourself. Okay? So people say, I fucking liar. Well, you lie yourself in the mirror every day. Right. You know you shouldn't do this, but you do it. So it's it's so really crazy. If you really, really give yourself those things, identify those values, and give them to yourself, bro, you're never gonna take less. Just it by habit, you won't. Right. Because you you feel the respect you have for yourself, you're very honest with the person in the mirror. Somebody lies like, what the fuck am I gonna do with this garbage? What am I gonna do with this? Right. Can't do anything with it.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:13

What about somebody being selfish? Do you find that as an unattractive thing or attractive thing? Like it's good, they're they care about themselves.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:21

I've never had somebody ask me that when it comes, even in the last couple years, being selfish. So give me, give me a scenario. I'm big anybody that's sitting there and anybody that speaks to me always knows. Yeah. Uh I'm I'm like a couple people that are really close to me. I'm like, what does that mean?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:37

So let's say you come home, you're you're with your wife, right? You come home and you're like, hey, you you want to go grab a bite to eat, and they're like, Well, where are you going? Does it fucking matter where I'm going? We're together, we go wherever. So But they're thinking about what's what they want, you know? Which they could still have, but that was a piece of information that they wanted to gather.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:00

So so I'll give you, I'll give you these examples, and I and I say, Or or or doing something.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:04

Um, you know, you want to go do something. Well, what is it we're gonna do? If it's what they want to do, they'll do it. But if it's what you want to do, they might they might or might not do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:15

Like in my world, okay, um, and and the people very close to me know this, I'm always about being instead of doing, right? So to me, I'm more like I don't watch TV, so I don't care if you want to watch whatever. Yeah, I I don't I I'll eat everything. So to me, it doesn't matter. Right. I don't I don't focus on those things.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:34

Um I I I think But don't you know if you're in a relationship, you feel like you should just want to be with that person.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:39

Yeah. Regardless, no matter what. Whatever. I was uh had a saying and I said uh people would say, What do you what do you need in a relationship? I said first um I don't look at needs, it's always a want. So what do I want? A partner? You know, I said, honestly, someone to enjoy the silence with. And some people get it, some people don't.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:00

Yeah, especially as you get older.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:01

Really, but really think you can even do it in your twenties and thirties. Someone to enjoy the silence with, what does that mean? We can sit here, vibe, peace. I would say she she could be doing her thing, you could be doing yours. You don't have to say a fucking word because you feel her. That's right. And she feels you. Right. It's not, hey Phil, what's wrong? What happened today? You know, is everything okay? You're not saying anything. That's fucking noise. I can't deal with noise. And it's the same thing. I would have you know Did you ever get that text when you could be dating somebody? You ever get that text message like, can I ask you a question?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:36

My response is no. I'm not being no, because I know what's coming. Right. What the fuck you mean? And I just have this quote, this meme, uh j whatever, a picture, whatever you call it. And I have a guy on a park bench with a hood on, and he's kind of looking down by himself. And it says, Don't speak unless it improves upon the silence. If I'm sitting here in peace, joy, whatever we're doing, don't Don't be coming in with that noise. Don't be don't be coming in with that noise. And that's and that's the truth. I I wouldn't be coming in with that noise.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:07

Do you think modern dating is broken today?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:09

Sure. I mean, there's this whole uh I just heard the other day of some things called body count. I don't know, like girls in her body counts or something.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:17

Really?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:18

Yeah, it was like something in their 20s. I don't know if your son heard about it too. I hadn't yeah, what yeah, yeah. It's it's it's f it's fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:26

What matters?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:28

Like how many people you're sleeping with. So if that's modern dating in the 20s, I I try to I have a couple people like I I kinda uh push um one girl wanna do uh does it.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:38

I think that is a problem though, just because we're bringing up obviously in the younger generations, yeah, they are sleeping around way too much, way too young. Yeah, and um, you know, it it's a problem.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:49

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:49

It's a problem, but they have access to it, they have access around their phones, they can watch porn, they can't. Yeah, and I think that really magazines hidden, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:58

Yeah, and and I really think that that is something that you know stems from that little culture. And if I could still push a message that gets down to that, I have a I have a couple uh uh one female that is like a daughter to me, um, mentored in that way. She's doing a page, and she's 26. So she's kind of she pushes my stuff because a lot of her friends have, and it's a great area of 26-year-old that has uh her friend circle has a lot of questions for me, sure, you know, and dating. So that's really good awareness. I think I think with the body count bullshit, it's really about who you keep around you, you know, because like again, like a tracks like friend-wise. Right. Um if you have friends that do that, it's that that's what you're gonna get. Modern dating, I feel, you know, when you start going up to the echolon of my uh bigger population in my platform, it's the it's the mainly 34 to about 45 is the big gut, and then percentage 45 and up to 54 or 60, and then some 20s in there. Um I go back to what I said earlier. It's like it's it most, and I hate to say most men are not being intentional with dating. If you I got no problem, I did reels before. Hey, you want to date multiple, date multiple, but don't most don't tell or make someone feel like you're exclusive. Right. I've seen that in your 20s, I've seen that with 30s and 40s. Yeah, and it's like you can do that. Um I think the biggest problem too is they don't have a purpose, they don't have anything outside of French of friends or anything like that. Um and there are too many options.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:31

Well, I think not only that, but a lot of time, a lot of it's fear too, because you've been in bad relationships in the past. So you want to test out a little bit and see what's life like around this person. Sure. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:44

You can do that. I did one where I was talking with a buddy and I said, Did you ever notice you spend more time shopping for a car than you would a relationship? You you want the car facts, you want to, you want to, you know, look all around it, you want to know the insides, values, you want to know, you know, who owned it uh prior. Right. Did the prior owner beat the shit out of it? Did it, you know, you'll spend more time trying to shop for a car than you would a relationship. Yeah. You walk if you if people spend as much time doing that than they than they do just picking anybody up, you're walking out a dealer lot just saying, give me anything that looks good in drugs.

unknown 1:09:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:19

And you don't know anything about it.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:21

That's true.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:22

The other problem in modern dating, too, is no one's going, no one's talking about the things that matter up front. I have so many females that reached out that said, Can you please create a dating app? Why? You look and you look at some of the questions that are in apps, think about first dates. You know, what's your hobbies? How tall are you? Oh, dude, I'm like, I I look at a first date and it's almost like, you know, hey, here's here's a question. Literally, I'll do this, and people that had experience with me notice. Um, when was the last time you apologized without being asked? Tell me the relationship with your mom. What's your best friend like? You know, because I I can look at a I can look at a female and say, you know, tell me about your best friend. Because basically they're gonna tell you everything about themselves. Right. What's the relationship with your dad? You know? What about your mom? You know, um outside of a career, what do you want out of this whole life experience? Huh? What do you want out of this whole life experience? Right. They don't know. They don't know. And you're like, and if you hear issues with dad, sorry to say. Um if you don't, if you you got a best friend that's out of control.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:42

Yeah, but you gotta think about this. Just because they have problems with dad or they had a bad experience with dad, you you can't always just kick them to curb because at least they're identifying and they recognize that hey, I have this problem. I'm letting you know up front, okay? Maybe even like an insecurity problem. Listen, I'm I'm insecure because my last relationship cheated on me and and they weren't honest with me. So, you know, you might suffer a little bit for that, you know, and I'm just being up front about it. I want you to know because I want to work through it. Like, he gives them a lot of people. No, no, no, I'm not gonna be able to get it. And you're being accountable because accountability is huge.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:17

No, so I'm not I'm not gonna dismiss them because they had issues with their father, right? Um, the biggest thing is uh that's where I go into basically like a quiet, and I don't know why it's taboo. Um it was taboo for us growing up, and you still see remnants of it. If I go in, tell me about your last relationship. You know, remember taboo back in the day. Yeah. Why you asked me about my girlfriend, right? You know, my ex-girlfriend. Right. Nowadays, I need to know that. I don't know. Well, tell me about your last relationship. What happened? You know, what was what what kind of lessons did you learn from it? Right. You know, and I've had a dating experience where I looked at someone and said, you know, hey, tell me about your last relationship. And then they would say, Why do you want to know about my ex-boyfriend? Because it's gonna tell me kind of like, did you learn anything from it? Right. You know, sure. So I think that's I think it's the wrong conversation that people are having in modern dating. That's true. That's a good point.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:11

But you know, a lot of times they're using their trauma as well, you know, as an explanation versus, you know, an excuse.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:19

Oh, I I'll I'm gonna tell you what I I think the biggest thing too is that that's an issue with modern dating, is it's funny you mentioned this. Uh I did several reels on this, and I and it was um that's that is an excuse. People are now everybody's a narcissist. Right. You're your man or your narcissist. Well, and I and people I had I had people reach out to me. Can you please do something on narcissism? Narcissism to me is is diagnosed. That's a medical diagnosis, right? I'm not medical, I'm I can't do that, you know, and everybody's a narcissist, everybody's an avoidant, you know? Yeah um, and I think sometimes that's what keeps people stuck in shit relationships, is because they label him an avoidant, they label her an avoidant, and now you just look at them like subconsciously like they need help when the person's just a fucking asshole. Seriously. Right. He could he's a narcissist, he's an avoidant. Maybe he's just an asshole that never was held accountable.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:24

Stay away.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:25

Stay away, stay away. That's it, stay away.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:27

Oh good.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:27

And I and I see that's also a pro, like I said, I think it's a big problem in modern dating too, where everyone's just labeling people. And I try not to label unless I really, really from self-education and and working with medical providers at my work, you know, um, really could actually really label somebody that kind of narcissist or avoidant and stuff like that, unless I really see a hundred percent signs. Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:52

That's just excuses again. Yeah. They just find excuses why they were with somebody and why the relationship didn't work. They don't want to put themselves into the work.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:00

They don't want to do they don't want to do the work. That's a problem.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:03

Which is which is a reality.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:04

And and it does take work, you know. I could talk to one one woman, like I said, very close to me. I mean, she's been self-work right now around her five five years. Yeah. Four years, you know, where she does see a coach, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:20

I think everybody should. I think I uh yeah. When it comes to mental health, like that is the problem with the world. People think that, you know, if you go to a mental health, you know, uh an expert, uh, you're going to a shrink, right? They think, oh, something's that was our shit back in the day. Right, that's something. That was our shit. But that's the nothing wrong with me. Yeah, but the kids are the same way these days. They're like, oh, I'm gonna go talk. I'm gonna pay somebody to listen to my problems, you know what I mean, type of thing. And that's the the attitude that they have instead of saying, hey, there might be just one thing that can redirect and let you look at yourself that you're not seeing that might change your whole future. Yes, the next 50 years of your life.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:54

You know what I mean? That's why I get a lot of people that reach out to me. Um, some will do therapy, um, which is great. Um, but they need someone to talk to.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:05

You know, and and I know back in the day with us, you know, especially Italian parents, it was like, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. Yeah, you know, back then. Now it's a little bit different. But now I even have I have a lot of therapists and psychologists that reach out to me.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:19

You know, just because you give them a uh the their I had one, I had one that that uh got on my DMs and reached out, and she said, Hey, you know, I really love your content, I use your advices every day. And the way she said it, I was like, Well, she's probably oversees, you know, I'm not sure what she means by advice. I said, You know what? Thank you. I very much appreciate that. Yeah, and then she responded back saying, I'm a licensed uh psychiatrist in this state, in the states, right, and I use your content with my patients every day.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:44

Yeah, because it makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:45

Yeah, and I think and it's real life experience. That's right. It's real life experience.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:49

You know, do you ever gain any hate from that because you, hey, you've been married four times, divorced, why all of a sudden you're the expert?

SPEAKER_00 1:15:54

You you get some.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:55

I mean, how do you become an expert if you were so good? Why didn't it work out for you?

SPEAKER_00 1:15:59

Right when I fought right when I started speaking, I had a couple of people at work um that knew what I was doing and said, you know, you just gotta be ready, man, because you know, people are gonna tell you, oh, yeah, you're an expert out of four four marriages, so what makes and I think it was that's where it flipped to the opposite because I don't get that much. I really don't get that much. What I get is now I can see where you get that experience from.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:25

Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:26

I mean, I have four marriages, I had three bankruptcies.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:29

You got something to talk about.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:30

You know, and through experiences. And that's and that's what I'm saying. Here's the thing it's like when when people come to me and want advice or something like that, I always say it's like the great mystery because I don't really put anything personal, content, nothing out there. It's just my content. Right. People don't know if I'm in a relationship, they don't know if I have kids.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:49

You're gonna know now. Are you in a relationship?

SPEAKER_00 1:16:51

Uh no.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:51

Oh, there you go. What do you look for in a relationship?

SPEAKER_00 1:16:54

Uh someone to enjoy the silence with. No, honestly, um I look at intentional, purpose-driven. I look at somebody that's um someone that's gonna be a service to others. And and whether whether your uh uh hairstylist making people beautiful, you know, or any any kind of service to others where you have you have that kindness, you have that compassion, empathy, like you don't like seeing people upset. That's like me, right? Um also take care of yourself. Fitness, you don't have to go grind at the gym six days a week, right? But you have to be at the gym at some days, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:32

Right, because you gotta take care of you, you gotta look right.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:34

You gotta look right. Yeah, uh or at least try. Correct. And you have to have um the uh a belief in something higher than yourself, you know? Sure, faith. Yes, and and the same thing goes for really being mentally aware, you know, for yourself, yeah. Displaying your emotional intelligence, offering emotional safety because men need it too, you know. Don't get me wrong.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:56

Um you get a lot of men reach out to you, men and men, like gay relationships and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:01

I I do have some. I probably over probably just this year alone, um, it's what, March? Uh probably spoke with 10, 11 versus triple the female. Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:14

Why is that you think? Is it is it you think the gay gay marriage is is is different? It's a different clientele basis.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:20

Oh, you're asking if like men and men, like like gay men reach out to you. Yeah, yeah. Is there relationship issues too? Um I I probably had a few. Okay. You know? Um my oldest son's gay.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:33

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:34

Yeah. Okay, so you've been through it. So my oldest son's gay, and uh, you know, fucking proud of him because I don't care what anybody else thinks, but I think it's just a sexual preference that got nothing to do with. Right. They're not a separate, they're not a separate like species. Right. You know, it's so it's so fucked up too when when you see that you're like man. And then it's called it's kind of cool because then I hear from my son like there's different tiers of gays, you know, like like it's it's it's very strange.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:01

Um well, you know, you'll be surprised. Your boy Wambam here actually married a gay couple on New Year's Eve to Kelly Clarkston at our concert. So Brian and Marcello, shout out to them, boys.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:13

I've done that years ago for two women at their house that had it for family and stuff like that. Uh and I became whatever I had this, of course. Yeah, or Dane and got a certificate. So I did that. But uh never I did have um maybe one or two, but I didn't know if their problems were similar.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:32

You get the same, they're the same.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:34

Same issue. They're the same issues my son would have with his boyfriend. I I think they're split now, but um, it's the same. Yeah, it's it it's the same, you know, manipulation, you know, accusations, no trust, cheating, stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:48

Being from an Italian family though, how was it like when your son came home? Did he did he tell you right away? Yeah, it didn't matter to me. Or is it something you knew growing up?

SPEAKER_00 1:19:55

I kind of maybe had a suspicion, maybe it was like 13, 14.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:58

And then uh he came out, I didn't give a shit. Yeah, it didn't matter to me. So yeah, 100%. Yeah, and and that's why I said like people that reach out, it's like, oh yeah, gays and stuff like that. They don't they don't even know my history. And when they talk with me, and I'll tell them a little bit about it, they get really embarrassed really fast, you know. Um, but yeah, I I don't have too many gays that reach out. Uh there are um lesbian couples that reach out, you know. Um mainly it's a lot of women that reach out, then secondary men. Um would love to see more men reach out. Yeah. Meaning like practicing some of the things that I'm throwing out there, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:41

Well, you talk a a lot about different qualities in the in inside people, but you got the emotional, and then you got the logical. Correct. You know, and and do you find it that women are more emotional than logical, or is it the opposite?

SPEAKER_00 1:20:54

I think women become more logical because men are emotionally unaware. That's just my experience. Yeah. Um I think when you have, like I said earlier, when you have women are not in their feminine because men are in their feminine. They're not in their masculine and they have it all wrong. Mission purpose driven, you know? And I think really once you can display very heavy masculine energy, automatic, that woman's gonna soften. And what you find, man, is like like I said earlier, I mean, just observe. Walk into a restaurant, how many times you see a woman going in there? Can we get a table for two? You know, and the guy's holding the baby. Can we get a table for three? Right. You know, or you see at the airport. I could fly in today. Yeah, how many women are standing there at the ticket counter and a man's just behind her? Right. What the fuck are you doing? Right. Like, what is that? Right lead. Lead. Women want to be led. Exactly. Women, 80%. You can look at my page, you got you, you got women of all shapes, sizes, colors, moms, a few women that don't want that.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:03

There's a few. There's a few that don't strong and sure, you know, but sure have that.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:09

That that but I'll be honest from from my experience.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:11

I'm all with that. I'm all with it.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:12

From from my experience, from my experience, there's just that's a small percentage. All women that come in that want to speak, um, they're they're in their masculine. They want a man to lead.

unknown 1:22:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:23

But who's gonna lead that ain't doing shit, can't even, you know, do basic needs, right? Yep. She's got to make all the decisions. I had one guy, we became friends, funny story, but uh I remember when he was first talking to me, reached out for for help and stuff with that, and I let the guy go for like 15, 20 minutes, you know, and he's like, you know, why can't she ever make the plans? I'm always making the plans, I'm always, you know, I we got in a fight the other day because I told her, you know, when are you gonna start, you know, taking initiative? I stop for a minute. I told him 20 minutes in and tell you the same thing. I said, stop, bro, you're gonna make me fucking throw up. Yeah, and I told him to be honest, I said, I couldn't fucking roll with you as a friend.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:04

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:04

We think two different. I'll make all the fucking plans. I got no problem. I'm gonna give her options. That's leading. I'm gonna, I'm gonna really, men won't do that. It's it's it's odd they won't do that.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:16

Well, listen, Dom, I got some rapid questions here. I reached out to some of your people that were in your in, you know, to follow you and stuff. Sure. And I asked for some rapid questions. We want rapid answers. These were some questions that were pulled. Okay, cool. Okay, so I'm gonna hit you with these. I want quick answers. All right, let's do it. Right, right from the brain. What's something people tolerate that they should never tolerate? Cheating. Bam. Are most people honest with themselves? Yes or no?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:39

No.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:40

What's more dangerous, ego or insecurity?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:43

Both.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:45

Gotta pick one.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:46

Uh, I would actually go ego. Huh? Why? Because that's your inner voice. Insecurity, you can be insecure about a certain thing. Maybe the way you look, maybe the way you speak. Those are easily correctable with work. Ego is like try doing an ego death.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:02

Can you have someone and still be wrong for them? Yes. What's one truth people avoid about relationships?

SPEAKER_00 1:24:11

What's one truth people avoid about relationships? They're simple, don't make it complicated. If it makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:23

Okay. I'll take it.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:24

The truth of relationships, honestly, it's simple.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:26

It's nice that you had to think about that one. Yeah. Is closure real or something we create? Oh, something we give ourselves, something we create. So we don't really need closure. No, not from another. Who lies more relationships, men or women?

SPEAKER_00 1:24:42

I would have say right now, I mean, I can only base it on my platform, but I would say probably a uh uh I can't give a number exactly, but percentage more would be men than women. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:54

What's the biggest red flag people ignore? Oh. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:00

Jeez, there's so many. The biggest one. The big the the the biggest one um that people ignore. Like when you say red flag, do you mean like a um um um um something pops up and you're like oh like like a um like a scenario?

SPEAKER_02 1:25:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:16

Uh scenario would be like the person you come across as caring, but he's actually controlling. And what that means is I I've had this experience with with men that would reach out, you know, um, text me when you get to the restaurant, text me when you leave, text me when you get home.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:31

Maybe they just care, man. They want to make sure they're there safe.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:34

Or they just want to keep tabs on them because later on it turns into if they want to keep tabs on them, they could put uh a tracker on them. I've seen that done too. Right. That's controlling. I've seen that done too. That would be controlling. I think I think um um but check in on them.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:45

I think that's a nice thing. There's nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:47

Uh not not too wrong, but if you're with your friends, let's say she's the woman's with her friends. All the more reasons a group want to make sure you get there safe. To me, the most the most stories I heard um in that in that realm was uh based on a lot of insecurity.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:03

Well, okay, so if you're insecure, don't you want your partner to be secure?

SPEAKER_00 1:26:07

No. Why not? No, because it doesn't, the universe don't work this way, like a tracks like. You're not gonna get it.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:13

But wait a second, if I know you don't like apples, I'm not gonna give you an apple. Correct. So if I know you're insecure, I don't want you to feel more insecure, I'm gonna try to do the opposite. I'm gonna try to make you feel secure. But if you're gonna let you know where I'm at.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:28

But if but if you have an insecure woman, then that man needs to look in the mirror because he's insecure.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:34

Well, I'm most insecure people like attracts like you said work together. Correct. You know? Correct. But how do you fix that? To me, fixing it a good solution is be give them what you would want.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:46

You can, but then it turns into reassurance. So I've had that experience where I can be sitting here very confident, very secure, right? Uh I've had experiences where somebody was not. I seen this hard, I seen this comment, I seen this behind my platform, I seen this, I see. It got to a point where I had to really say, you know what, you don't see it from my side. See, you never have to reassure me.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:12

Yeah, but they're looking for that stuff. That's different. They're going down your comments and looking at that. Yeah, they didn't look at your material and make your own comment. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:22

So if you have a person that's insecure, let's say, right, right, that um I need to know where you are, I need to make sure you're there.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:30

I need you to, you know, I I don't really if that's what you want, no problem.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:35

If that if that's what you want, if that's what you do, of course I'm gonna put you. No, and I mean I mean it like in a real controlling way because what I've seen is, you know, if that's not if if if if it's upsetting to a woman, I'm not saying that don't tell me when you get there. There's women that are gonna take it. I'm I'm speaking to the women that come to me and say, Oh my god, he needs to know every fucking move and all this and all that and all this.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:00

That my question to that person would be, why do you think that is? I think one or two things.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:04

I think one or w one or two women or men that are like that, that need to know every move, they're coming in with bags from the past, either cheated on childhood. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:13

Or their partner has done something in the past. Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:17

The joint the joint Facebook account. You know what I mean? Yeah. That type of thing. Yeah, Dominic and so-and-so. You know, we gotta few more for you. Sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:25

What's worse? Being alone or being misunderstood. Misunderstood. Yeah, yeah, I figured you're gonna say that. Do people leave relationships too early or too late?

SPEAKER_00 1:28:35

That's a both. Um but it's funny because when you say too early, that's the men. If they're leaving a relationship too early, the men. Uh too late is usually the women. Okay. Because like I said earlier, it usually takes women about two years to completely check out. Right. Where she would, in fact, should have really processed. And that's fine, but she should have left two years ago. And you hear it all the time. Men, but it's a hard question because I did have men um that reached out and said I should have left ten years ago. And they're in a 20 plus.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:06

Is being too much ever actually the problem?

SPEAKER_00 1:29:10

No.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:12

Never. So feeding on the book. Never. Where can we get this book, man? Where can we get this book?

SPEAKER_00 1:29:17

Uh you can honestly get it at uh Amazon. All you gotta do is do a search, Dominic Michael. You'll see the book pop up.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:22

Boom.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:23

Um, I also have it at any any retailer that sells books. So you can order it on uh Walmart, you can order it through Barnes and Noble. Um uh any kind of bookstore should be able to order for you. But Amazon is a go-to if you want. Uh worldwide, they can get it on any, and it is pretty much worldwide. Um, but any kind of retailer that sells books, you have to order it. I'll start doing maybe a tour uh within this year. Awesome. Uh, and get it really more out on the shelves. And I got another book I'm working on too.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:51

So great. Two last questions. Sure. Somebody out there just wants a date, where should they go? Where should they go find a partner?

SPEAKER_00 1:29:59

I don't want to say church. Um Why? Um well I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:05

Now that you said it, I want to know why.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:06

I'm not gonna encourage somebody to go to church just to find a partner. If they're going to church, that wouldn't be a bad, that wouldn't be a bad thing. I would I would honestly, realistically, um, anywhere, it sounds weird. If you like hiking, go hiking. If you if you like certain fitness groups, you want to get in group, you know, anybody that's into fitness, you know, fitness groups if you're a single, right? I don't uh I never done like speed dating, anything like that. So I don't I don't know how those are like. Um, but any kind of volunteer organizations, it depends on what the value the values you want. You know, so if there's a big event going on with a bunch of volunteers, hey man, fucking go. You never know who's gonna be there.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:46

There you go.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:47

You know?

SPEAKER_01 1:30:47

All right, final question. Sure. If someone listening feels stuck in their life right now, what's the first uncomfortable truth that they need to face?

SPEAKER_00 1:31:01

Um I think the biggest thing for me, I think we we dabbled a little bit where people are held by fear, and everybody thinks that their problem is the worst and it's not. And they're the only one going through it, and they're not. You know? I think sometimes you have to really look, and here's the uncomfortable truth. If it hasn't changed in five, it's not gonna change in the next five. So people have to make a decision with what they want, and that's the uncomfortable truth. I think people hold on too long. Um, I think they fear judgment. So uncomfortable truth is really take control of your life because otherwise somebody else is.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:45

And there you have it, folks. You heard it right there from Damascell, take control of your life because it's the only life you got. And as your boy Wam Bam always says, if your life was a movie, would it be worth watching? And if the answer is no, then stop being ordinary and start being extraordinary. Till next Wednesday, baby. Stay positive and keep testing negative.