Ep. 3 - Brain

Transcript

How can we live inside these brains of ours? They are so complicated and… honestly… annoying. My thoughts race constantly. I forgot this, I have to add this to my grocery list, I have to make sure I schedule this… and so on, and so on. Why does my brain always have to be on overdrive, yet also never really have anything to say? Where is the damn off switch? Should I have an off switch? Or should I instead try and figure out how to harness this wild beast?

Why so many questions?

I don’t know that I think there is actually, really, an answer for anything. There is only what works for you in the moment. There is only what strikes you right then and there and causes that rush of inspiration. That rush of, hell yes! I can do this. And then your period hits and you feel like a mashed potato and you just want to lay on the couch and not speak to anyone because if they so much as even blink funny or, so help me god, if they say one wrong thing I will flip this table!

Then your periods ends and you can go back to being a normal person and that inspiration comes back to you in a different way and you set off ag ain on the journey to the place where you don’t actually know you are going, but you think there is something out there that is supposed to be discovered becau se something just doesn’t feel right in your life, but you also can’t quite put your finger on it.

Why is life so complicated? Does it have to be? How is it that society has told us money, a house, a stable job, a spouse, a couple kids, a pet and maybe a nice trip here and there is enough? But really, why does that seem to be enough for some people and not enough for others? Doesn’t that, by definition, show that, that description of the - quote - “perfect life” is not, in fact, perfect?

Ok, so if we know the “perfect life” is not actually the “perfect life” for everyone, then why do we all feel so compelled to try and fit into that prescription for life? Why do I care about what other people think? WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO ME BRAIN?

Why is it that you, brain, drive me to want the “perfect life,” but you also, at the same time, send me these signals of “there is more out there.” It’s like you have guided me through the dark sea, to an island where everyone is trying to get to, and now that I am here on this stupid island you have again tapped me on the shoulder and said, “but wait, look over there, that is the island you really want to be on.”

And then there I am… Thinking about the other island and trying to piece together what I have, to see if I can get there. Because I want to be safe on the first island. It is, in-fact, comfortable here. But the comfort leaves me yearning for the new that lies on that other freakin’ island.

Damn you brain. You got me to safety and then you showed me there was more. And now I am again wondering how I shut you off and just enjoy what is here, but also not really wanting to turn you off because the next island looks so big and beautiful – like it is actually the  place I am meant to be.

Maybe that is the point? Your brain stays on and sends you into a whirlwind of inspiration and determination so that you do keep going? Finding new heights for yourself. And then add in on top of that being a woman and your physical body throws a wrench into your plans every couple weeks… but then you pick up the pieces, refocus, and begin to build again.

Maybe you don’t shut off, because I actually don’t want you to. I want this life to be big and beautiful and never ceasing to amaze me. Maybe you push me, because I would otherwise not push myself.

Ok, ok. I love you, too, brain. I want to answer all of your questions. I want to live up to the expectations you have for me. I want to be… everything.

But, also could you just be quite every once in a while so that I can think?