Ep. 4 - Holding Space

Holding space for love.

Transcript

There is a difference between clinging to someone and holding space for someone. It’s almost like this energy you can feel between two people. They weren’t meant for each other, at least they aren’t now, but maybe they were at some point. These couples cling to each other like they are trying to prove a point. But it seems unclear who they are trying to prove it to. To Me? Their spouse? Themselves? Maybe they don’t know.

They cling to their “other half” - neither fully grasping that they are dragging each other down. Slowly drowning each other in their insecurities.

But other couples seem to simply hold each other. It’s so much more tender. More meaningful. They truly love and appreciate who the other person is. They come and go freely because they have a deep knowing the other will always return because they are two halves to a whole. The air feels lighter, cleaner around these cou ples.

There are no nail marks in each others’ arms, no shaming or blaming or minimizing. Just…  appreciation, even when the other person may make the wrong choice, say the wrong thing, act in a way that the other does not totally agree with. They hold on, not only to their physical being, but also hold space for them to be exactly wh o they are meant to be. 

I long for someone who holds me. I long to hold someone. Holding each other with the flexibility to learn and grow together and be our whole selves at every point in time. Not just when it is convenient. To be with someone who is forgiving. To be with someone who is tender, yet feels like safety. Whose hand is strong, but feels so gentle when they reach for me. I want someone to be as tender with me and my heart as I am with theirs. I want to be a whole person on my own, and somehow even more whole when I am with them.

I know a life can be so full without a partner in love. I am living it right now. I love my friends, my family, my daughter, my dog. I have a job that affords a comfortable lifestyle. I travel. I try new things. I laugh, I make jokes, I write, I sing, I play. It makes no sense to me that still for some reason I feel as though there is a small piece missing. A corner piece lost under the couch. I know it is there, but every time I reach in to grab it, it eludes me.

I hope for you to be out there. My tender hand. My missing puzzle piece.

I hate that I feel like I need you. My eyes fill with tears when I think about how badly I wish I knew you right now. I don’t need you. But I want you.

Until I find you, I will keep singing and dancing, and trying, and learning. I want to be ready -as a whole, stable, sturdy person when you come. I want to be those things, and yet, somehow, I have a deep knowing that I won’t be those things to my fullest until you are here. I will wait, but please don’t take too much longer. I long to hold you. I long to hold space for you. As I know you will for me.