When You Feel Stuck Between Two Lives

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Well you guys, I was just filming this podcast. I was 12 minutes in, and my mouse was perfectly over the record button, and I accidentally tapped the mouse and it stopped the recording. So we're just gonna start over from the point, and you guys are gonna be here mid-crash out with me. I started talking about how people cling to stories of their past and it stops them from stepping into a new future because humans are very identity-based creatures. Whatever comes after the words I am, we typically will attach ourselves to will create a story around that version of ourselves. And then that story, we have a meaning that we assign to it, and that meaning is what creates an emotional response that we feel, and that emotional response that we feel is what we personally identify with, and then the loop just continues to enhance itself. And the more you repeatedly do this cycle, the more it becomes a rule in the subconscious mind, and it becomes part of the blueprint in which you see your life. And humans all have an intrinsic blueprint that we see for ourselves. Your blueprint is this is the type of person that I am, this is where I came from, this is what my life is supposed to look like, this is what I can expect from myself, this is the bad things that always happen to me, and these are the good things that always happen to me. And anything that happens in our life that is outside of that blueprint is typically painful for us because it's too far away from what we've believed to be true for ourselves. So if you think about this precipice, and this was the main point of the first podcast, I've had multiple conversations with multiple clients this week alone that have said something along the lines of, man, I really don't know who I am anymore because I've got it all. Um I'll take one client specifically, nameless. And when he came to me, his business wasn't, his business was doing okay, but it wasn't, it wasn't in this financially abundant, stable place. His marriage wasn't great. His relationship with his two kids wasn't great. His relationship to himself and his health and the his were his own word were not great. And now, a little about a year and a half later, he's got a multi-seven-figure business that completely runs on his own with his team. His relationship with his wife is incredible. He's rekindled the relationship with his daughters and actually moved closer with his wife and new new baby closer to his daughters to have that. He's in the best shape of his life. He you know, and he's he's sitting here and he got on our call and he said, Man, everything feels so great. I don't feel like I need help with anything, and that's why I know I need your help. And that right there is such a powerful statement that most people can't comprehend. Because when people feel like everything is good, when people feel comfortable, that's when they stop seeking anything else. And what that shows us is that I'm still operating in an identity that only knows how to fight for survival. So once survival is is no longer on the on the on the thing to strive for, or not strive, fight for, because you can't strive for survival, you have to fight for it, you have to scratch for it, you have to claw for it. Once you get to a point where you no longer worry about money, you no longer worry about your bills, you no longer are asking yourself if you're worthy or if you can make this, you've kind of come to the end of a life cycle. And it's time for a new life to start. Otherwise, you cling to the old identity and you keep reliving the same life over and over again. And this is why so many people can hit a record month, feel really good about themselves, and then completely remove themselves, rest on their laurels, think that it's all going to be easy. But really, what they're doing is they're saying, this amount of money does not correlate with the blueprint of who I am as a human. This amount of money, it's too far away from what I think I should have, and it doesn't make me feel comfortable. So I'm gonna stop doing the things that got me here and I'm gonna wait until my body calibrates back and my life calibrates back down to a point where I feel like I now have to get my ass in gear to fight for my survival again. And this is a very exhausting cycle for you to be inside of. And I see this in so many people. It was one that I was stuck in for a very long time, and I still have little relapses back to it where I look at our business right now and I go, oh my God, this is so crazy. And then I get panicked. I can't sustain this, there's no way, I'm not good enough, I'm not all of it. It's all there. And all that is, is that shows me, hey, there's an identity, there's a version of me that I still haven't fully let go of. And because I haven't fully let go of it, it means I haven't fully accepted that this is my current reality now. Because if I were to accept that I never have to worry about money again, if you were to accept that you don't have to worry about stability anymore, that means you now must let go of the parts of yourself that you needed in order to survive and get you here. And now that ceiling that you've been fighting for this whole time has become your floor. It's become the actual foundation, and that's where life truly begins. Your life is not meant to be a constant loop hamster wheel fighting for survival. Your life is supposed to be made of expansive adventure. You're supposed to be able to make a living doing what you love. You're supposed to have financial freedom. You're supposed to be able to take one, two, three, four weeks off of work and not feel guilty or stressed that something bad's going to happen. This is the life that we seek to build for all of the clients in our community because that's what really matters. Most people, if you had a consistent business that was printing you $50,000 a month and you really, you really did have systems and people that you trusted in place where you could call it fuck off for 30 days and come back and know that you still had the business exactly how it was, you still made your 50K. There's really not a higher level of happiness other than what other people are brainwashing you to think happiness is. And so many people just completely make themselves feel like pieces of shit because they're not making millions of dollars. And realistically, happiness is not a byproduct of millions. Millions is a byproduct of happiness. And uh what I'm saying that for is if you make $50,000, hell, if you make $20,000 in one month and you still feel like you're fighting for survival, I promise you it doesn't matter if you have two million, you're still gonna feel the same way because survival is your current default, it's all you know. And if you have this, we all have multiple lives. We have the life of the boy and the girl. And then we have the life where we turn into the man or the woman. And when you turn into the man or the woman, in order to fully really step into that and have all of the power and opportunity and and blessings that come with stepping into who you really are and the power that you have as that man or woman, you have to let go of all of the little boy and girl tendencies. You have to let go of the desire for people to give you the benefit of the doubt. You have to let go of the desire to be accepted and liked by everybody. You have to let go of the desire for somebody to come and do things for you because it's hard. When you let that version of you go, that is when you actually step into your full power. That is when your life fully changes. Most suffering is and chaos is not a byproduct of change. It's the resistance to the change that causes our pain and causes our suffering. It is the dragging of an old self, the dragging of an old life, trying to take all of the convenient parts with you into a new life. And we call uh we had a call about this in my community, and one of our clients said, just in case. And it's the just in case fallacy. It's getting into a relationship with somebody, but still following people that you used to have a thing with just in case it doesn't work out. Even though you guys don't talk, even though you don't even like their photos, there's still a connection there, and you don't think that there's anything there. But deep, deep down rooted in your mind, there is a just in case this doesn't work out. And all you're doing is ensuring that it doesn't work out. But you're too afraid to let go of the old life. You're too afraid to let go of the cushion, to let go of the instant validation that you could go get if this thing doesn't work out. And what that really does is it stops you from going all in because going all in feels like a feels like a risk. It feels scary. If you go all in, you can actually get hurt. You could quote unquote lose everything. You can't, you can never lose if you go all in. You can never lose anything. You cannot lose in love if you go all in. You could get hurt, but you can't lose. Having one foot in, one foot out of your dream, having one foot in, one foot out of your relationship, having one foot in and one foot out of your health, you'll always lose. You don't ever actually get to experience the magnitude of how good things could be because you're always worried about how bad things could be. That's an old self. That's an identity that you needed. That's who you needed to be back then to make sure you survived. Now, you might be listening to this and thinking, yeah, but I've been I've been fighting to try to get stable for the last 20 years, 10 years, 15 years, 30 years, whatever it is. And I want you to sit with that for a second. And I want to ask you this question. And I know you can't physically answer me in the moment, but I want you to answer in your own head. You've been fighting for survival and stability for let's call it at least 10 years or more. Have you always gotten your needs met, anyways? Your answer is probably yes. Otherwise, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast. You wouldn't have uh a device in which you could listen to this, headphones in which you could listen to this, food in your belly, etc. So no matter what you say, no matter what story you have attached your sense of self to, no matter how many times you've told that story to yourself over the last decade, you believe it is true. You believe I am not stable, my survival is at risk, and yet every single month you survive. Which means you've built stability. You're stable. It doesn't feel that way because you don't know how to allow yourself to see it that way. If you got a consistent result every single month for 10 years, what other word would you describe it with other than stable? It's so predictable. The problem is that you're so tied to the story of I almost never make it, I can only survive, I barely have enough. Yeah, that needs to be your story because that story is what justifies who you believe yourself to be. If you were to switch that story, if you were to let go of the version of you who needs to fight in order to survive, and you were able to look at everything and say, survival is my baseline. This is my foundation. I don't even need to focus on getting my needs met anymore because I always do it anyways. And when you establish a floor or a foundation because you mentally and emotionally see it this way, you start to reprogram your mind. Does this happen instantly? No, but can it happen very quickly if you continuously catch yourself and switch your focus in your language? Absolutely. So when you take that new floor that you've established, that is when you can truly start entering the world of striving because you strive for more. You don't strive for enough. And that's the difference. You're not you can't strive for a better life if you haven't built stability in your current life. You have to strive on a foundation that is stable, but you have to flip your perspective and redefine what stability means. Stability is the fact that you get your needs met no matter what. Now I can stop making this all about me. I can stop worrying about whether or not I'm going to eat or whether or not I'm going to pay my bills, and I can now strive. What would if I let go of this version of me who only knows how to fight for scraps? I love you. Thank you. You've done so much for my life. You have gotten me to this point. And it's time for me to walk away. It's time for me to step into somebody new. And in order for me to become that new version, you can't come with me. And that doesn't mean I don't love you. That doesn't mean that I don't appreciate you. That doesn't mean that I'm not eternally grateful for what you did for us, but it means it's time for a new life, and that only comes after I become a new me. So now, what would the version of me do that no longer has the thoughts of survival? What then would the version of me do who only knows how to build for others and doesn't actually really even focus on building for themselves anymore? What would the version of me do who's serving a thousand people a month? What would the version of me do who's making $10 million a month? How would they show up? How would they think about this problem? How would they innovate? Because I'll be honest with you, most innovation isn't going to happen in a state of survival. Some people it will, but for most people it won't. Innovation really comes when you are in a state of creativity and you cannot be in creation if you are in survival. Those are the two modes of humans. You're either in survival, fighting for your life, or you're in creation. And if you think about this even from a physiological stance of giving birth, if a woman's body is chronically stressed and she's perceiving threats in her environment at all times, the body is so objective. It's it's not it's not it's not logical, it's just objective. There is clearly a threat in the environment. Is this a really good time for me to get pregnant and birth a child? No. Creation. I cannot be in survival and have the body create something new. Joe Dispenza says it this way: if you're getting chased by a Tyrannosaurus Rex, is that a really good time to sit down and meditation? Probably not, because the nervous system won't respond that way. And our bodies and our lives and our and our emotions are all the same way. If I'm overly stressed because I'm focusing on the wrong thing, I cannot be creative. And if I cannot be creative, I cannot innovate. And if I don't innovate, I cannot change the lives of others. And if I can't change the lives of others, my life will never change. If you only ever focus on your needs being met, if you only ever focus on having enough for you, then you're gonna make sure that that's all you ever have. Because what you focus on is all you ever have. That is how the mind works, that is how consciousness works, that is how the universe works, that is how God created us. Whatever you focus on is all you will have. If you focus on the bad, you're gonna have the bad. If you focus on the good, you're gonna have the good. And now people go, Well, how could I possibly just not focus on the money when the money isn't there? How you're focusing on something that quite literally isn't there. You just caught yourself. You just you just exposed yourself without even realizing it. People say this all the time. How can I not focus on money when I don't have any? How could I not focus on belly fat when I don't have any? I can create a story in my head and I can create meaning and attach meaning to that story and make that cause an emotional response, and then I can just focus on that and spiral and only see that. Two people can have the exact same thing happen to them and have two completely different outcomes based on how they choose to assign meaning to it and what they choose to focus on. The stuck client is focusing on the fact that they just had a client leave, focusing on the fact that their content's not getting views, and they wake up every single morning feeling defeated. They wake up every single morning feeling like a victim, they wake up every single morning waiting for the next loss to come in. The client who's winning is focusing on the fact that they just had a client call and the client was so happy with their progress and they were seeing results and they gave a great testimonial, and that client is waking up, or this person is now waking up in the morning thinking, man, I'm really changing people's lives. I can't wait to do that more today. They probably have the exact same financial situation and the same content issue, but the the difference is what they're choosing to focus on and the meaning they're choosing to assign to those things in their life. That is the only difference between people who have it and people who don't have it. If I was to vaguely say that, there's obviously a bajillion other differences, but the main core one is focus and the meaning you're assigning to things that happen in your life. And both of those are 100% in your control. Doesn't matter what the world does. I have a joke inside of my community whenever there's a big bill that comes up or a financial burden, if you will, that happens. The first thing that we say before anything, bill for your car comes up, it's going to be $4,000. There's the initial inkling to go, fuck, that's so much money. No matter what, the first thing that you say out loud is, Whew, good thing I'm rich. Period. All I'm doing, or all we're doing, is taking control of what's happening, we're assigning a different meaning to it, and we're focusing on something different. And now it might not be true for everybody, but the difference is I get to control and take agency over what my first initial thought is about a situation that otherwise would make me spiral. I might spiral afterwards for a little bit, but if I were able to get ahead of the spiral and at least frame it in my mind in some positive way first, what happens is my brain will naturally start over time to default to that as my normal response. Well, good thing I'm rich. And because I'm rich, I pay all of my bills immediately, on time, and with gratitude. I used to be the guy when I was paying bills that was like, oh fuck, this is so expensive. No, I do not send money in that state. Money is an amplifier of your inner state, it is an amplifier of energy. I do not spend money unless I feel good or create a story that makes me feel good about spending it. That's it, and that's why I can joke. Good thing I'm rich, and rich people love to spend money, so so do I. Gaslight myself. I'm joking, but I'm saying it and I'm feeling it, and I'm allowing myself to believe that story. Thus, it creates a new experience altogether. Now, do you think that that was intrinsically built in me as a kid who came from a trailer park with a single mom who could barely make rent, who was couponing every single week to save money on the two gallons of milk for $5 and then the store brand bags of cereal? Like, no. I grew up scarce. I didn't know that life could be different. I just thought that that was normal. I thought that you did everything that you could to save money. I thought you did everything you did to get a deal. I thought you said yes to every single opportunity to make a couple of bucks. I didn't understand a lot of things, but my world had been created for me as what happens to most children. When you're a child, everything's given to you: all your food, all of your care, all of your shelter, but also all of your beliefs, all of your views of the world and everything else in between. So if I can understand a lot of the views that I had on the world, a lot of the stories I had around money, uh love, success, happiness, talking on social media, none of those were actually mine. They were my mother's. A parent, um, a caretaker, an older sibling, just constantly, repetitiously conditioning you through your childhood to see the world a specific way. And when you feel this deep earning inside of you that you're meant for more, that this isn't the way that it's supposed to be, that there is a better path. I know there's opportunity, I know I'm destined for greatness, I know I could be doing better than I am right now. That is the new life trying to come out of you. That is the new expression of self that needs to be expressed in your cells, in your DNA, but you're suppressing it. You're suppressing it. You don't want to express it, but sometimes those are the things that need to be expressed. Sometimes that looks like grabbing a pillow and screaming. Sometimes that looks like getting out in nature and yelling or crying and just letting it express itself so you can move through it, you can let it go, and you can step into who you were really born to be. Once survival has been established for you, that is when you actually start to figure out who you are. Until you master survival, and again, if you're listening to this podcast, I promised you you've probably mastered survival. So once you accept the fact that you've mastered survival and you can let go of the story that you need to do hard things and that it's impossible and that you're never going to have stability, if you can let go of that story and you can step into somebody new, you will finally be on the path of your own greatness. You will finally let go of the fear, you will finally let go of the need to show everybody how hard you had it and show everybody how hard you're grinding, but that you're still struggling because for some reason you think that there's this moral self righteousness that you're still in the weeds, that you still haven't figured it out. Because let's be honest, everybody's rooting for you when you're the underdog. Everybody's on your side, everybody feels sorry for you, everybody gives you sympathy, and nobody pushes you too hard because they see how hard you're working. And yet your life never changes, does it? Because once you start pushing yourself hard, people stop resonating with you. And you start climbing up this mountain. And the thing is, I think it's Mount Everest where they have Camp Zero. And Camp Zero is like it's a hike to get there, but it's the base of the actual climb. It's a false summit, if you will. Most people hike to Camp Zero and stay there because more people are there. It was a relatively decent hike. It was enough to make you feel like you were putting in some work. But you know that if you actually start making the climb up the huge summit, the higher you go, the less people there are. And if you fall, you're the only one who can get yourself back up. If you summit, you're one of the only few people that's actually going to experience that with you. And everybody at the bottom is going to judge you. Everyone at the bottom is going to say something wrong or bad because they were too cowardly to leave Camp Zero. But Camp Zero feels like stability. It feels like where you belong because all of those people down there, all they focus on is survival. All they focus on is gossiping and judging other people at the top. All of those people at Camp Zero, that is the old life. The top of that summit, that mountain, that's going to take a new you. And in order to get there, you can't drag all of those people with you. If you really feel in your life right now that you are on the cusp of something great, the first thing that you have to do is audit in your life things that you are currently holding on to that are stopping you from stepping into your greatness. There's probably people in your life that you know are only there because you are a convenient, watered down, controllable version of yourself. It's probably your parents, might be a spouse, might be a friend group that doesn't want to do anything with their lives, and every time you talk about it, they make you feel stupid. And you're too afraid to go on it alone. But you know you don't align. You're secretly starting to resent everybody and you feel like you're wasting your life. I'll be real with you. You are. I know you're meant for something more. You know you're meant for something more. But you're hanging around with people who are meant for the life that they're currently living, and that's it. And if you stay there because you're afraid of loss, the greatest loss is not actually becoming who you know you can be. Every single part of life, every sense of evolution comes paired with it, loss. And I can promise you, I death gripped people in my life for way too long. I got really upset when friends wouldn't invite me places. I got really upset when I would hang out with this friend group for a bit, and then I would continuously grow. And then for some reason it felt like now I'm not getting invited anymore. Why are they all hanging out without me? There, I I remember this time, all I like 30 of my friends were at a park four minutes from my apartment. And the only reason I saw them is because I was walking my dog and stumbled on, and they all was, it was like this very awkward thing of them being like, oh. And that that that was a pinnacle turning point for me because that hurt so bad and I got so mad and it triggered every abandonment wound. But I realized I am trying so hard to fit in with these people and get them to accept me that I am no longer accepting myself. I am stopping myself from growing because I don't want to grow away from a group of people who don't even invite me to hang out anymore, anyways. And once I sat down and I really audited, I realized it made zero sense. But it made sense to the version of me who still wanted to be valid. It made sense to me. It made sense to the old version of me who was so desperate to fit in. But I had to let go of that version of me because he only knew how to survive based on fitting in with a large group of people. He only knew how to fit in by having a lot of friends so that he always had somebody to go to. And this new version of me that was calling to come out to be expressed, he was somebody who didn't need to be liked by a lot of people. He was somebody who only cared about a smaller group of core friends. He really didn't care about validation at all. He didn't care about seeking approval, people pleasing. He cared about stepping into his power so that he could change people's lives. And you know what happened after I stepped into that version? My life completely skyrocketed. And if I had, if I had stuck to trying to fit into a group of people that I no longer resonated with and taking it personally that they didn't want to hang out with me, instead of recognizing this is just a very objective sign of misalignment, this is me being shown that I am on a different path. And instead of trying to walk backwards, I got to turn my head to the front and I have to walk forward with full intention and I have to let the path unfold in front of me and not worry about what's happening behind me, who's falling behind, who doesn't want to climb up that high on the mountain or everything in between, because I am somebody who is destined to reach the summit of that mountain, even if it's lonely for a season, because my greatest power, my greatest sense of self, my greatest influence, and my greatest contribution for the world only exists once I get to the top. Same for you.