Pap Smear Appointment #2: From the Line to the Limelight — Food, Fame & F*ck-Ups

Before there were cameras, there were kitchens—and chaos.

In this episode, I sit down with my badass friend and celebrity chef Antonia Lofaso to talk about how we both went from hustle-mode nobodies to television somebodies. We get into the early grind, the reality TV circus, and the unglamorous moments that never make the cut.

Spoiler: It wasn’t always pretty—but it sure as hell made a story.

This one’s for the girls with big dreams, thick skin, and no Plan B.

✨New episodes drop every Tuesday✨
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Want more? Join us at @papsmearpodcast + @thealisonvictoria

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:13

Welcome to Pap Smear Podcast. I was just waiting for you to say it like that too. Welcome to Pap Smear Podcast, where we don't just scratch the surface, we go deeper. And today we're going deep with Antonia La Fossa. Wait, okay, wait. Is that not how you say it? No, but it was not bad. So there's a running joke on how people that I have known for years, five minutes, it doesn't matter. My name is hard and I don't know why. Antonia Lofasso. Lofasso. Like Do, Re, Mi, Lofasso. Antonio. Antonio. There's the other one. Antonia. Antonia Lofasso. Perfect. Lofasso. Antonia Lofasso, who is... An executive chef, restaurateur, cookbook author, competitor. I was going to start doing my... Yes. And then the next one, and then a mother, and an amazing partner, and my new friend. Yes. And my new local friend. Yes. And I swear, and even ask your man, we are... Kindred. Somehow... Yeah. I guarantee we're connected somewhere. He literally said the first day that he met you, he was just like, oh my God, there's two of you. He was like, she's just smaller than you are. I was like, thanks, babe. Thanks, Greg. I mean, he was just like, that's like a smaller version of you. I was like 100%. And that's the best part of a partner. You go anywhere with them and it's just fun. So you know what? I never really understood that until now. actually. This is like the first time I've actually had it where they're- Had a partner. Had a partner. You know what I mean? That actually that I liked, like you have like this best friend that comes with you and does all the things with you and I do the same thing with him. And so, yeah, it's the first time where it wasn't like, oh, I'm going to go do the podcast today. It's like, oh, you know, Alison, you love her. Like come sit and watch us be stupid together. You and I met on the Barbie Dreamhouse Challenge. Remember we were at Mattel all getting our Barbies and getting the tour and doing that opening scene. Oh, we were not going to get our Barbies. Oh, no, no. I remember you being like, I was Promise to Barbie. And then they told you not to touch the Barbies. And you're like, the fuck I'm not touching my Barbie. But we were not going to get our Barbie. I know. And I'll never forget that because. No one else will either, but like anybody, you didn't know me as a friend or anything because we never worked together. You're on Food Network. I'm on HGTV. You were coming over to my side, our side. Well, we were all in the commissary where everyone eats. I don't know if you remember. The feedings. Yeah. You were like, we walked in there and you go, oh, you're going to just sit us somewhere and make us eat some more. And there was just like bad salami and cheese like laid out. And it was like, we just had to sit in there and wait for them to, I don't know, set up lights or whatever. Yeah. And Ty started telling a story about how he was in a bar and one of like the rites of passage in the bar was to throw a piece of salami at a man with no shirt on. And if you could get it to stick to him, do you know what I mean? I don't know. You like want a pitcher of beer. And so then of course I was like, I know how to do this. Right. I was like, like, you know, cured meats is my job. And all of a sudden, I think you were like taking a nap off to the side and all of a sudden you perked up. I didn't sit up. You were doing crunches. And I was like, oh my God. I remember thinking to myself, because we were all in this room like mice. You know what I mean? They stored us in there. They stored us in there. And I was like, oh my God, watch us all start to just do the weirdest things. And I kept thinking, oh my God, HGTV people are just like Food Network people. You put us in a room and we're going to start to do weird shit. And so I forgot the other guy's name who did the pool, him and his wife.

UNKNOWN: 4:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 4:04

Anyway, he threw the salami at Ty and couldn't get it to stick because he just kept flinging it. And I was like, okay, what you need to do is you need to put the salami flat on your hand and just like launch it so that it's launching like flat. And it just like stuck on his like thing. And it was just like. Ty Pennington's shirtless. All the time. All the time. All the time. But now shirtless in the feeding area. Correct. Because they could not stop feeding us. Yes. Everywhere wet. Thinking that it would keep us happy. Meanwhile, I'm like full and grossed out and annoyed that we're not shooting. Yeah, we're not shooting. And we were in there for like two hours. We were in there forever. But still, animals. Yes. Animals. Like running around feeding and then throwing salami on his chest. Yeah. Which is funny as shit. Well, and that's why I was like, oh my God, I was like... Ty and Allison are like my favorite people in here right now. It was like, you guys were all like, you were just sitting in the corner, like talking shit, doing crunches. Ty was like, okay, like let's figure out who can like do the salami thing with me. I was just like, oh my God, you guys are just like. You liked me then. I liked you then. And I could feel that you liked me.

UNKNOWN: 5:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 5:10

I could feel it because I had liked you earlier, but I didn't let you know because we were filming and I'm like, this bitch is fun and funny and raw and real. There's, there's, I think so few women like do what we do first and foremost, you know what I mean? And we're like thrust into these very, you know, larger than life scenarios. Right. And so being in those, I find myself like early on in my career and, being quieter. It's interesting. I was looking at Top Chef. Actually, I think I was showing Greg an episode of Top Chef. The weird part was I was listening to myself in interviews and I was like, oh my God, I was so quiet, almost mousy quiet. Watching yourself. Watching myself years ago, just starting out in television. And the crazy part is I've never been quiet. I've always had a mouth on me. I've always not held anything back. But all of a sudden I was in this scenario where I'm like, wait a second, how do I navigate this because I'm sure you have the same thing. When we open our mouths, sometimes it doesn't always land in the way, like, you know, I don't care anymore. You know what I mean? I'm like, I know whatever I'm going to say. There's no malice behind it. I'm just being honest. Like, I know that I'm funny. Like, I'm just going to say the things. Everyone usually loves me for it. Like, done. But it took me a second to sort of get there because in the beginning I was like, well, and then I think it was like one or two instances. When you say the First time doing TV? First time doing television. And what was that? First time ever on television was in 2007, and I did Top Chef season four. And I said yes to something that I had no idea what I was saying yes to. I just knew that I loved cooking. I loved the show. So I've been competing competitively In food. Competing competitively. I've been competing. Try that again. It is. Does that make sense? Say it. Yeah. Competing competitively. Since 2007, which is crazy. It's not crazy for you though. Like you're doing it. You're a machine. Yes. And it's just, it's like second nature, right? Yeah. Now it is. Now it is. But what I was like, the idea of when I first started doing it in 2007, I was unsure of myself. I was like, yes, I am this person who says whatever I want to say, says it as loud as I want to say it. You know, I know what I like about food. I know what I don't like about food. I know, you know, I know all the ins and outs or so I thought. Then I'm watching it. I'm like, oh my God, I am a totally different person. You see me now on Tournament of Champions and I'm like, I jumped out of my chair in season one and I accidentally like peed on myself because because I'm 47 and I've had a child. So when I get excited, you know what I mean? And so I jumped out of the chair. I was like, oh my God, I just peed. And of course they play it. And every woman on the planet is like, you're my hero. And I was like, I don't even mean to do it, if that makes sense. You know what I mean? Because you're just being authentic. I peed in that flapper costume yesterday. Right. And I said to the costume owner, if I piss in this, do I have to buy it? So I'm with you on that. Did you have to buy it? I had to buy it. Okay, good. But I have to wear it in for pickups. Okay, good. But I was like, can you wash those? Pissed in it. Yeah. Again, so many parallels. But like, you start off and you're like looking at yourself back at your younger years doing TV for the first time. And you're like, who is that person? Not because of like, oh, I look younger, but like, who's this mousy... like soft-spoken, holding things in type of person. Yeah. Because it was... What? Uncomfortable? What was it? I think it was uncharted territory. I was unsure because I was like, is it safe here to do this thing? And so now when I meet people like you and I'm like, oh my God, you're the same. And then even to have Greg affirm it and be like, oh my God, you two are so similar. It just reminds me that I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing and I'm in all of the right circles that I'm supposed to be in. I love it said that way because I didn't even think about it that way. And so you and I, it was an immediate thing that I knew. And then I was like, I need to... And I started coming up with this show concept. It was over a year ago. Yeah, I remember. And the show concept requires a chef and me. And I'm like... It's you. You're like, I know who it is. Like it's manifestation at its finest. I manifested so much in my life and it was this funny, weird, awesome, not even a happenstance, like sliding door shit. Yeah. And it was like, I know I want to do this show. Like the exciting tour with like Gwyneth Paltrow? Yes. Okay. But like we kept missing each other in life. Right. And then Ty and I are working together on Rock the Block and And he goes, Antonia's moving to Vegas. And then seconds later, you text me. So it was at the same time. And I'm like, oh my God. Okay. She's here. She's home. I'm moving to Vegas full time. What the fuck? So we go to dinner. We meet. I meet Greg. How long was that dinner? Four hours? It was long. And it was like- It was delicious, by the way. It was delicious. And I had a- Ask anybody and you will, you'll get to know. I don't know how to pick restaurants. I don't know how to order. You've picked a great restaurant so far. Maybe it's like Vegas. Yeah. Maybe. But I knew I needed to impress you. I don't want to go to Tommy Bahamas with you. No, please. You've mentioned it like twice now and I'm like, she's going to fucking invite me to Tommy. Is that how, did I say it right? Tommy Bahama Cafe. Tommy Bahama Cafe. Please. I'm not going there with you. Try the coconut shrimp. You're going to love it. I'm going to get you there. You basically just asked me to go to TGI Fridays with you. I love chilies. The chips are so thin and salty. We're not going to Chili's. Maybe we go to Chili's. We're not. We'll see. We have so much time. We do. We just started. This is just the beginning. And you and I figured out at dinner that we've been on the networks that are owned by the same big company for the same exact amount of time, 15 years. Yes. We started at the same time. We've been doing it at the same time. We have both like... Been through it and we are both very, I don't know, I guess we just are both like really great at what we do in our lane of television and what we love. Because we get to do what we love and be authentic and that makes it easy. We're not like fitting the part. We're not fitting the part. And also I think we started at a time where... all of these reality shows didn't even really know that there was a formula or what they were looking for or what a reality person in their field looked like, right? Like we were really at the very beginning of it, right? And so now, I mean, I'm looking at young chefs, young culinary students that are literally getting into the field so that they can go do what I do on television. And I'm sure you have the same exact thing where it's like, you're starting this so that someone else can come in and be like, you know, it's not that I just want to design. I want to design on television. Right. You know, or I want to be on. And it's like, that wasn't even a thought when I started. I got out of college. What did you, why'd you get into it? How did you get into, how'd you get into cooking? So I'm, I'm an Italian from New York. So it's like you're supposed to. Exactly. Like I make a joke all the time. It's like, you know, the cable guy would come into the house to fix something. And my mom was like, did you make him a sandwich? You know? So that was just part of what I did. And, and the other part to it was like when it was time to get a job, you know, at 15, 16. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. It's all the children out there who are just like, I know. 15, 16. Yeah. Getting jobs. Jobs. Full-time jobs, actually. I was working five days a week after school at the Sherman Oaks Galleria at Hot Dog and a Stick. So I always chose jobs that were in food. I was like, I'll go make corn dogs after school. I'll go stomp lemonade after school. Hot Dog and a Stick. Hot Dog and a Stick, which was totally like, you know. That's like the name of it. It's Hot Dog and a Stick. Whoever started this for sure just kind of knew like what young boys wanted to see because it was like all like young high school girls, junior high school girls, we were in short shorts and these super tight tank tops. And we look like clowns. Our shorts were red. Then we had a stripe of like yellow, red, white, blue tank top. And it was like low cut. So like boobs out. Then we had to wear these like tall hats. Our hair was all pulled up in these tall hats. There were three things on the menu. You could order a lemonade, you could order a corn dog or cheese on a stick, right? That was it. But everything's on a stick. Everything's on a stick, but hold on where the stick even comes more into play. When it's time to make fresh lemonade, there is a big jug that basically looks like a penis. I mean, if you look at it now, it like 100% does. It's so phallic. And then there were like these big long rods that had a thing that like crushed at the bottom and like the big long rod and like a handle on top. And you put it in between your legs and your chest and you like did this circular thing. Swear to God. You did this circular, like jump up and down, jump up and down to stomp the ice with the fresh lemons and the citric acid. Anything to make your boobs jiggle. Anything to make your boobs jiggle. And have you with something in your hand. Correct. Something phallic in my hand and jump up and down. And then where, like if you worked in a really, like if you worked in a really busy mall, it was like two girls that did it. So you were like. Just a wet dream coming to life. So it was like, you never understood why all the dudes like stood on a side of hot dog and a stick and like watched that stomp. Yeah. Just sticks and girls jumping up and down on sticks, essentially. That's where you fell in love with food. That's where I fell in love with food, yes. No, but that's where I gravitated. So anytime it was like when I moved to New York and I had no idea what I wanted to go to school for. How old were you when you moved to New York? 19. I had just graduated high school. You got right out. I'm like, I'm going to go to community college in Manhattan. I took like, I think it was like... the start of African Americans in television. I was taking the most random courses. I was the only white girl in a class signing up. I was like, this sounds interesting. Do you know what I mean? Because I had no idea what I wanted to do. So it was like art history of this. But you knew you wanted to move out and do your own thing. I knew I wanted to be in New York City. But then again, to get my rent paid and everything, I was a waitress. I was a hostess. I was a manager of all these different restaurants in New York. And then I remember seeing a female chef at one of the restaurants that I worked in. And not even so much that she was a female chef. I just remember being like, oh, like people who run restaurants are chefs and there's a whole sort of, you know, they're like in charge of this kitchen and this is what they do. And it was interesting. It's not like I've never been to a restaurant before. I didn't understand. But you started to notice. But I started to notice sort of the way it was set up. And I was like, oh, I wonder, like, this is how out of it I was. I remember asking this woman who I worked for a very brief amount of time. I was like, is there like a school that you went to? And she was like, yeah, it's called culinary school. And I was just like, have I just been like buried under a rock? And so I remember I did like a cold call to the French Culinary Institute. And where was it? This was in Manhattan. In Manhattan. Yeah. And I remember doing a cold call and I was like, can you tell me a little bit about your school? And they were like, well, Bobby Flay went here. And I was like- Now, mind you, I didn't know Bobby Flay as in like Iron Chef because I didn't really watch food television. It wasn't like a name that you knew, really. No, but I knew Bobby Flay because you know how every city, every big city has like Dine Chicago, Dine LA, and it's cheaper, right? It's like a set menu type thing. It's a set menu and it's like all the restaurants that you normally can't afford in January and February do like a deal for you. And, you know, I was a struggling student who made a little bit of money as a waitress. And so I got to eat at like Mesa Grill. I got to eat at like La Bernadette. Like I got to eat at places that I normally could not afford. I got to try it all. I got to try it all. So I was into it. And I remember like, oh my God, Bobby Flay puts like strawberries in his salsa. Now I grew up in LA. So I was like, oh my God, pico de gallo. Like this is brilliant. This is so smart. Like, you know, it was like groundbreaking at the time. It's like mango in a pico de gallo. And I just remember being like one of those people that like fawned over that I never even had it. Over different. Over different, over a chef that was like being innovative, you know? And so when they were like, Bobby Flay went here, I was like, oh my God, this must be a really good school. So I just decided, I was like, okay, this is the school I wanted to go to. Now, mind you, the school to go to a nine month course was like 20 grand. It was nothing. You go to culinary school now. Why so cheap? Because no one was going to culinary school. It wasn't a thing. No, it wasn't a thing. You go to culinary school now, it's like a quarter of a million dollars. You can't afford it. No one can afford it. Everyone's taking out like 30% low to get a$200,000 loan to teach you how to cook an egg. I was like, stay home. Good old days. Stay home. I was like, read a book. I tell kids all the time. I was like, culinary school is way too expensive. Go work for a chef that you love. Tell them you'll wash dishes and let them teach you. Start somewhere. Yeah. Just do it. The executive chef who taught me, who now runs all of Wolfgang Puck's world, his name is Ari Rosenson. He was a junior sous chef when I started working at Spago. Never went to culinary school I think finished high school and started working as a dishwasher and then a prep cook at Spago in Beverly Hills. And now he runs everything. But you went to culinary school. I did go to culinary school. And did you finish? I finished. I did a nine month program. I finished. Nine months. Yeah. And I was done. And I got out. It's like making a baby. Literally. I gave birth to my knife set and then moved on and then started working. That sounds painful. But the crazy part is I got out of culinary school and I did not know what was next. So I went and got a job at Spago I walked in there I had no idea what I was doing I did that was your first job my first job I did an 11 hour stage because my brother was sleeping with one of the servers and there was like I can get your sister an interview I walked into the chef's office with like my little like leather blazer on and my resume that had like one sentence on it and I was like I graduated number two in my class and literally the chef was like changing a light bulb on top of a on top of a desk he's like yeah that's cool like great yeah he's like good for you neat story Do you want to come and do a tryout? And I was like, sure. And I sat with this, I did a tryout for like 10 hours. And they were like, sure, we'll start you for$7.50 an hour and you can work Garmanger 3, which basically- What is Garmanger 3? Garmanger is basically the salad station. It's the cold station in a restaurant. So you have Garmanger, you have a fish station, you have a meat station, they had a pizza station. So Garmanger 3 is like the lowest of the totem pole. I was allowed to heat up soup. I wasn't even allowed to like plate the soup. I was allowed to heat it up, drop another plate of soup, I get a butter in there, like give it a little bit of a buzz with a little hand blender, pass it off to someone else and they then plated it. So I just like stood there. I was like waiting for the next soup to be called. What year was this? 2001. Yeah. I may have been right there as the hostess because I trained at Spago. That's right. That was my first job. I was going to UNLV. First job was at a Wolfgang Puck restaurant that was opening. It was a new concept, but they were doing the training at Spago. The one in Beverly Hills. Well, they were doing it at the Vegas one, but I got to go train at the one in Beverly Hills. Nice. In 2001. Then 100% bullshit. I swear to God. And I, of course, just got to see the kitchen, but I was the hostess. I was there. 100%. And I'm there training while you're there training. Back of house, front of house. Yes.

UNKNOWN: 21:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 21:25

That's wild. That's weird. That's really weird. And that's funny as shit. Yeah. That's like the butterfly effect. This is insane. But here's the thing. That's when I always say I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Yeah. Because, you know, and not to get too much off subject, but, you know, moving to Vegas was a big transition for me because I've been in LA since my daughter was born, since I started working in the restaurants. I built three restaurants there. And I knew that I wanted to leave. I knew I didn't want to be there anymore. And when we packed up everything and, like, four o'clock in the morning with a U-Haul in front. Why so early? Because I wanted to get to Vegas. Okay. You're like, what were you running from? No, but I like to get on the road early. I don't like to drive in traffic. I was like, I don't want anybody like 4 a.m. And I was like, oh my God, the person that I was when I moved into this house versus the person that is leaving this house is like night and day. I have those moments often, right? So it's like, I watched Top Chef and I was like, oh my God, who was that person? Look at me now. Right? I move out of my house in LA. I'm like, oh my God, look at me now. But then coming here. Bravo for you to do that. Yeah. There's not a lot of people out there that I know or have met. that do that check-in. And you're not even doing it as a practice. You're doing it as like a gratitude thing to yourself where you're like, look at where I was and where I am. And you're more like, it's like a presence thing. Like you're being super present with yourself, whether you're practicing or not, you're doing it unintentionally. Yeah, I'm doing it. And yeah, for sure. I didn't, I didn't like read a book and I was just like, how do I make this transition better? I just knew like I needed to vocalize it. The interesting thing is, I think I'm like always really late to the party for it though because like the months leading up to it my daughter who's now who's going to actually be 25 next week she was like aren't you so upset you're moving out of our home and we'll never be in our home again and I was like oh my god you're so dramatic like this will always be our home but it's time to move on and then like she knew how I was going to feel months before I did, you know? And I was like, oh my God, Zae, you're being so dramatic. Oh my God. And then all of a sudden, like the week before we're leaving, I'm like packing things. I'm like sobbing outside. I'm like, what is going on? And then I'm like, oh my God, like it's all just hitting me now because unfortunately, and I'm sure you're like this. It's like, when you are so used to your day-to-day being, you know, driven by work and driven by ambition and the things that you need to get done, it's really easy to compartmentalize the other parts, right? So you're just like, and I'm going to do this and I'm going to do this and I'm going to do this and check, check, check, check, check. And then you're not really like checking in with yourself being like, and are you okay? And, you know, is this okay? Do you feel like you're doing that more now? Yeah, but I think I'm like forced into it. I don't think, I don't know. Like I think that whole scenario. Do you mean forced? I start to break down. So what happens is like I'm in this like check mode and then all of a sudden I'll start to break down a little bit and I start to get a little wobbly. Because you're so overwhelmed. Because I'm overwhelmed and I haven't acknowledged why I'm overwhelmed. And so as soon as I put sort of a voice to it. then that is what helps me. So I realize in those moments that I can't just sort of like brush it away, that I actually have to go in there and be like, and then I feel better. Cause I'm like, oh my God, I'm taking inventory, right? Cause so many times, like you just introduced me right now. And I laugh about it sometimes when someone will introduce me I just did an event for Nike and it was like the president of Nike introduced me and I was like, oh my God, I did that? Because we don't really ever stop to take inventory of like where we were 10 years ago, five years ago, two years ago and say, oh my God, I did this. I'm so happy that happened. I have this relationship now. You know, I graduated from this or I accomplished this thing at work or whatever the thing is. Because I think when we're super ambitious and we're successful and we're, and I mean, for the record, have also failed often. You're so, I'm fearful, not fearful, but I'm like, I don't want to fail. I want to succeed. And so I'm always in this like forward, like do this thing that I'm never really like, wow, am I enjoying it? Oh my goodness. Like, but do you feel like, cause you're go mode, which I completely relate to mainly because we're just twins. Yeah. Everything you say is just yes. Check, check, check. But the check in part, which is really fun to hear you say like, okay, I let like, it was like, okay, how are you? How am I? And the tears probably let you realize that like, okay, I'm not checking in. Correct. It's weird. I do. I started to break down and then I'm like, okay, I have to acknowledge these things. And then I got here. This was the best though. Oh my God. Greg and I almost killed each other on the move. We were like, this is going to be so romantic. This is going to be the greatest move of our life. We love each other so much. We wanted to kill each other from like the second we got to Vegas. Like it was so bad because- The drive was good? The drive was totally- Getting ready for like romance and- The settling in period was so awful. Getting to the house. I think that we like romanticized moving, right? Like so much. Right. Like it would be like, you know, remember the movie like Reality Bites? Yes. Like I was like, oh my God, we're going to like be laughing on the couch together and we'll make our, you know, like on our answering machine, we'll put some music behind it. Yeah. I'm a shout out to the babies in the 80s when you used to put music to your answering machine. But you know what I mean? We just over-romanticized what there was going to be. And it was awful. We were just fighting every single... What was it? You know, I'm a total control freak. No. I'm a total control freak. Like everything has to be done exactly the way I want it. And so he was like, well, but– and I was like, no, you signed up for this. You bought the farm. You asked me to go out with you. I didn't ask you. So we're doing this. So we're doing this my way. Like you wanted– you asked me to be your girlfriend. So you knew how bad this was. Because you– It's, it is true. You know, you knew what you were getting into, Greg. Babe. You knew bullshit that you didn't know unless you were totally different when you met. No. But I guarantee it, you weren't. And so I guarantee you saw what you were getting into. Exactly. Because this is, it's just. It doesn't get better. It's the best. And here's the thing. With the best, there's some, there's some, there's that toughness of like being a control freak. Correct. Being a woman in a industry almost like exacerbates it. Yes. Because I would, I want to ask you how you felt about, cause this all goes into this masculinity role of like, I feel like I probably have so much testosterone in me. You said something the other day where you go, sometimes Greg goes, put your dick away. Correct. I got this. Yeah. I got this. I'm your man. I got it. Brant, same thing. Yeah. but we don't know how to turn it off. Do you feel like in this partnership, in this beautiful relationship that you have, do you feel protected where you can step back and be more feminine? Because you know what I mean by that. I'm not saying that as shit. I'm you. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. I think that... I think there's actually a lot of conversation that's happening right now amongst... This conversation is happening all over with women, right? Where it's like we've... we've prioritized our careers, right? And so we're always in, we're not necessarily in relationships. We're mostly in relationships with ourselves and with our, what it is that we're doing for a living. And so in that, right, everything there, there's like levels where not that you're not used to compromising, but you're used to having everything like your way and the way that you do everything. But it's weird because he never makes me feel bad about it. He'll never be like, and you never let me do da-da-da-da. You know what I mean? Because like what you said in the beginning, which it takes a very confident, very strong man to be with us. Yes. And very strong to be with us. I know. Babe, I'm sorry. You never say sorry. No, I'm just saying. Because it's so– it's just like you– Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're now in Vegas, and then his kids moved in. Yeah. So he's got three kids, two boys and a girl. I have Zaya. And the crazy part is our daughters actually live in Atlanta. And how old are the daughters? They're the exact same age. They were both born in 2000. They're both the same age. Zaya's like three months older. And are they friends? Zaya's hard. You know, she was an only child. Her dad passed away when she was 11. So it's just been her and I. And so she like, and I didn't date. I dated. You never dated after her dad? I did-ish, but she didn't know about it. There was no one. When you were, did he pass when you were together or no? We had just separated. We had been separated for a little less than a year. So she's 10 when you separate. He dies at 11. He dies at 11. You don't date. So I would like date, like very, there was no one ever in the house. So she was truly you and her. Yes. And also I like shut down. I was just like work, work, work. Did you shut down because of the breakup or because of obviously the two things? All of it. That's a shit show. Yeah. It was like breakup, death, by myself, house in Venice. opened up a second restaurant. You had the first restaurant. Black Market had just opened the month that he, so he, we opened up Black Market in June of 2011. He died in November of 2011. So right, the restaurant opening was the breakup. Yep. Yeah. Year. Correct. Did that play into it? A little bit. Yeah, because you're like... I was like, I'm done. This is my dream. Correct. I'm doing it. And then I started... That's when Food Network let me do, for the very first time, a show. I started doing Cutthroat Kitchen. So I started shooting Cutthroat Kitchen in 2011. So you're now doing the show. Correct. First restaurant opening. Breakup. Going through a breakup. Yep. With a daughter that's 10. Mm-hmm. And... What do you do? I mean, you keep your head down and you just keep going. You just keep going. Through the breakup. Correct. Exactly. And then it was like, oh, it's a breakup. Oh, the restaurant's opening. Oh, blah, blah, blah. And then it's like, and by the way, then it was like, then he died. Then it was like, okay. Then it was like, move to Venice. Oh, so then you moved. Then I moved in 2012. But it was like, I mean, he died in November. We moved to Venice in June of 2012. Yeah. So was he still in her life? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she... And 11 is like... Yes. 11. I know. That was when my parents got divorced. That was like very bad year. Like 11's like... 11's like... Oh, it's a tough number. You're too young to claim babyish, but you're not a teenager yet. So it's like that you're... And you're not too young to not remember. Correct. So now here you are, head down, a lot of loss, but a lot of gain with your restaurant. Then you've got the show... Yeah. Then I got the show. Then you moved to Venice. Then I got a second restaurant. Then I got a third restaurant. Then I got like seven more shows. Animal. The world exploded for me. In the best way. In the best possible way. You know, my daughter had a really rough time. The world is exploding for me in the best possible way. So I'm now navigating- And it's exploding for her in the worst way. Because now what, I mean, mom is going after everything that she loves. Yeah. She lost her dad, but like- You're on fire. Because I get it. You're just on fire. This is your time. Well, the other part to it too, and it's not even so much like motivated because, you know, I think there was this idea that it's like, well, you know, if he passed away and he had some life insurance and you should have been set and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, no, no, we had nothing. Do you know what I mean? So it's like if Zaya wanted to continue going to like school where she went to school, I needed to buck up. Like she wanted shoes. Do you know what I mean? Like. It's all on you. It's all on me. And so there was no. How did that go? There was no contingency plan. It was trying to. explained to an 11 year old that it wasn't just me being ambitious. You know what I mean? I was like, do you like your school? Do you want the basics? Do you want to wear sneakers to school? Just shoes in general. You want some socks? Mom's got to work. Right. And how was all that? I mean, I'm not, I do not have children. So I mean, it was rough. I say probably from like 11 to 18, I didn't raise her. You know, my dad stepped in and moved in with my dad, stepped in, moved in with us and, you know, built my dream house in Venice by day and took my daughter to school, picked her up from school, took her to swim practice, drove her friends around. You know what I mean? You know, where did you come in? I came in wherever I could, but I was... You know, I would be at the restaurants until late at night. I would try to sleep a little bit in the morning. I would always get up in the morning to take her to school. So I was like, I wasn't sleeping. So you always at least had this, I'm going to take you to school. I didn't get to go to a lot of swim practices because they were always at like four or five o'clock in the afternoon. And there's so many of them. Exactly. And it was one of those things where I'm like in LA traffic, leaving the restaurant to get to a swim practice. Like I can't do it. And so, you know, there was a lot of swim practices missed. There were a lot of swim meets that were missed. You know, you're never good. gonna make everyone happy, including your own kids. So you're doing the best that you can and you're showing up the way that you can. Doesn't need to be PTA, that every morning driving you to school thing. There's so much meaning in that. Yeah. And now at 25, let's give her till 30, by the way. Yeah. 30 is a good one. We'll see. When you start. Although I have to say, like we were just having, like when I was, when Connie, like when I met Connie and she was like, you know, her mom had passed away and her dad had remarried. Like even she was just like, who's this woman? And she's 47. She's 47. And she can't handle it. She can't handle it. And so there is something with children and their parents, like when a, when a. And she's the only girl. So it is a bit. It's a bit of an only child thing, even though she has the brothers, but it's the attachment. But it's the attachment. It's a really interesting thing. When I heard her say that, I'm like, oh my God, you're my age and you're pissed at your dad for like marrying another woman. And you know what I mean? And I was like, and then I was, I got the woman who like sugars me back in LA. She was doing this. I was like telling her a story. What does that mean? Sugars you? What do you do to your lady parts? You wax? Yeah. You shave. What is a sugar? So it's like sugar and they like rip hair off with like a ball of- With sugar? Yeah, it's like a sugar. Pardon? Just this and they sugar you? Yeah. It's a ball of sugar. And they press it on your vagina and rip your hair off? Yeah, well they like wipe it. So you like- It's a ball of sugar. It's a ball of sugar. It almost feels like honey. That would be the best way of explaining it. I'm closing my legs. It's like a Play-Doh. It almost looks like Play-Doh. And it's warm. And it's... No, it's like, yeah, it's like room temperate, room temperature-ish. Okay, it's not like wax. It's not like wax. It's not hot. And so you'll rub it on the skin and then you pull it back. But the thing is, it's not like wax where you throw it away. The ball stays, like you do the whole thing with the one ball of sugar, or it depends on how much hair you have. And this person, see, this is where I have the problem. Now, Pap Smear podcast, we should be- You brought up Pap Smear podcast, so I- Because you know why? Because Brant said, when are you the most vulnerable? And I said, when I get a Pap Smear, he goes, that's the name of your podcast. Yeah. I go, no. It's true. And guess what? It is. It's the most vulnerable, which is why I still, to this day, cannot. I went and got a spray tan. And she goes, are you going to take your jeans off? I go, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I swear to God. You took a spray tan? Left my jeans on. What does that look like? Well, it looks like you're just tanned from here up. What about your legs? Nope. You don't want to be in your underwear?

UNKNOWN: 38:06

Nope.

SPEAKER_00: 38:07

Apparently not then. Okay. I was so tan from here up and just white. Yeah, you were like two different colors. Because I didn't want her to see my vagina. And then I don't want my doctor to see my vagina. You know, there's a girl, you'll meet her with my group of friends, Sam, who's the gyno. Yeah. All the girls go to her and then she's at dinner. I'm like, no. I need a gyno. I don't, you will love her, but please don't go to dinner with her. Like, I just don't want someone. You don't want to mix vaginas and dinner? Like, you know what? I don't mind because she's not seeing my vagina. vagina. Okay. So she could be at dinner. If she's looking at your vagina, you don't give a shit and you'll eat with her. Awesome. But no fucking thank you. I'm not going to dinner. If you're looking at my vagina. So question. Yeah. Okay. So do you not go to like spas with your girlfriends and get fully naked? No. Really? So Danette was over the other day and I'm changing. We're going to come to the dinner and I go turn around. Like, she knows the drill. Don't look at me when I'm getting dressed. I'm like an exhibitionist. Okay, I can't. I can't. It's hard enough. Like, Brant and I, I'm so comfortable. But there's moves. Like, when I'm bending over to put my jeans on, like, can you not watch that? Like, that's not sexy. I say the same thing to Greg. If I'm putting on leggings, no one needs to see me shimming into a legging. Don't watch. Stop watching that. Because nobody... I don't feel sexy. So with Danette even, it's like, all right, listen, please stop. Like, just don't look at me. So yeah, I'm very. So can I tell you what happened today? Please don't. Hold on, I gotta tell you. Oh God. No, no, no, please do. So this is me today. So I go to get sugar today. Okay. And. I still don't get it. Well, I. Waxed. Waxed. So, but Google it. Okay. When we're done. I'm going to Google it. Okay. And so I had a whole jumper on today. Okay. Because we ran out of the house. We went to the DMV. I had a What kind of jumper are we talking about? Like a good American jumper, like a fitted denim zip up. Okay. Okay. Like the ones that are so hard to piss in. These are good because they're kind of stretchy. Okay. Now I jumped up this morning at 745. I didn't put a bra on. So now I'm in my cannonball run jumper. Okay. And my boobs are just like pressed against me. I'm like, I'm fine. I'm not going to be out that long today. I have also my bomber jacket because it's freezing this morning. I was like, no one's going to even see that. I don't have a bra on. I'll be fine. Right. Now all of a sudden it's one o'clock and him and I are running errands everywhere. Still out. And I'm still out. Okay. And I was like, oh, okay, the wax or the sugar can take me early. I'm going to stop over there. So I go in there and I'm like- Call it a sugar. I'm like the sugar. So I get in there and I'm like, oh my God, I have to take my whole jumper off. Oh yeah, you're going to be naked. Now I'm going to be naked, but I can't lay on the table naked because that's just- That's just wrong. If you're an exhibitionist. I would have been fine if I had to be. I could just see you like this. You're like sugar me. I'm in my bomber. So I've taken my jumper off. I put my bomber on. So now I'm wearing my little. Just your coat. Just my coat. Zipped up. Fully naked from the bottom. Okay. So it's like me getting spray tanned. Totally, but opposite. I was like, just do the bottom. Just do the waist down. Just do the waist down. Okay. So we don't need to unpack this today. Yes, we do. Okay. But I would just like to say, cause I do have another friend, my other friend, RT, like I grew up, My mom in Vegas would take me to... What do you mean your mom in Vegas? So we lived in Vegas when I was a kid. My mom was a cocktail waitress at Caesars, one of the original ones. What? Do you remember when they used to wear that thing in their hair? Yes, the long black or blonde ponytail. Do you remember this is like when they used to weigh their cocktail waitresses? Yes. Do you remember they used to do a yearly photograph of all of them standing in their like Wonder Woman outfits? My mom was one of those girls, okay? Yes. And I mean, gorgeous black Hair, a body, like amazing. So she used to take me to the spas. And so I got used to being naked in front of like women. Early on. Early on. And so my daughter, when she was 10 in LA, I started taking her Korean day spas, right? To do the same thing for her. To do the same exact thing. And the Korean spas were even- But like to get her ready to be naked comfortably. To just be comfortably naked, right? Just be out there. And when I brought her out there when she was like 10, because you were allowed, especially in the Korean spas, it was like, it's a very communal thing where like- Three generations of women will go. It'll be like the grandmother, the mom, and the daughter. And they scrub each other like monkeys. Like they would be like- Social grooming. Social grooming. Exactly. It's amazing. And you would like have soup afterwards. Everyone would be sitting in their like towels, like after they got scrubbed. You got scrubbed- By their own family members. By their own. Well, you would either scrub by your own family member or you paid someone else to scrub you. And then you eat soup. And you did that communally. So like I would be on tables next to other women naked that I didn't know and everyone would be throwing water at me. What the fuck? Oh my god, you wanna take me to Tommy Bahamas to have bad coconut shrimp? Okay, let's be clear. I didn't ask to see your vagina. I know you don't want to see my vagina, but that's not the point. But I don't think I could even get, like even Danette. Who you've known forever. Forever. I understand. My sister. So you don't go, okay, but we should talk about this. It's an issue. Because we all have the same thing. So I grew up, my mom would be like, you guys all have the same things. I'm going to go ahead and tell you that's not true. wait what what do you want my girlfriends and i did this like very early on where we would literally look different but we all draw our vaginas for each other and be like this is what mine looks like and this is what mine looks like and then i drew mine and and brit goes oh and i go oh you said oh my front best best girlfriend brit i drew mine you know you're like the group and you're like where's mine and brit goes oh

SPEAKER_01: 44:11

Why?

SPEAKER_00: 44:12

What did it look like? What was it missing? No, it wasn't missing anything. It was just, you know, different. Everyone's different. Well, of course everyone's different. The whole point was I was young and everybody was drawing and I'm like, fuck. You're like, shit. I don't know what it is. It's because my mom didn't bring me to a Korean massage parlor to steam my vagina when I was 10. It was 100%. It does have to do with you getting used to it in your youth. But then there's this part of me where I'm like, Get me in a bikini any day, any time. Thank you. The same thing. No. Bikini still is covering everything. Yeah, but is it? It is. Maybe not. I don't care. I show my tits all the time. But there's just something about the vagina. It's interesting. I could talk about it all day long. But like- You're not showing it. I'm not going, no, I'm not steaming my vagina. So weirdly enough, all my girlfriends, like growing up, all my high school girlfriends, we were always like naked in front of each other. My worst nightmare. Oh no. I can't. No, I will- Oh God. Like I'm mad, like not mad, but like, you know, Greg's son lives with us now. So I literally like the other day, I was like, I can't walk around naked. Let's get him out, Greg. This is good for you. We're walking around naked. We want that. But meanwhile though, I can, I sleep naked. Me too. And then Danette and I, or my friend Britt- whatever, we go on vacation together, we love each other so much that we're like, why would we get two rooms? We always sleep in the same bed. So you'll sleep with your friends? And I will be naked. And I never will forget this. None of this makes sense. None of it makes sense. Danette and I are in Cabo. And she goes, are you naked again? And I'm like, yeah. But you can't see. Don't look at me, though. Do not look at me. So we'll have to get to that somehow. I don't share a room with anyone. When I'm on vacation, I'm like, I am... an adult female who needs her own space at night. So I will not like every girl's trip I've ever been on, all the girls are like, we're going to get this giant suite. I'm like, cool. That's enough. I like to have my own space. Cause I, I sleep naked too, but also like, I don't, I don't, I have no, I would never sleep. I'm not going to tell me what Hama's with you and I'm not sleeping in bed with you, but we should go to the spa. How much do you want to bet? And I'll put money on this shit that in, 12 months time. I will not be. You're going to Tommy Bahama Cafe and we're somehow in Cabo and I'm naked next to you. Well, I believe that we'll be in a spa. Naked. Yes. That's other people. No, that's fine. What about like you're on TV? I do think about that sometimes. Okay, because you and I have been out now two times. Yes. And you are getting full meet and greets. Yes. Okay. Have you ever had a meet and greet in the Korean spa with your vagina out? I did, yes. And actually at the Wynn here in Vegas. So I do think about that when I'm in the spa and I am naked. Thank you. That someone is just like, there's Antonio LaFosso's vagina. It's the first thing I thought about. Yeah. Was you naked in any social setting? Yes, I do think about that. But like in the spa, their phones are not out. No, no, no. I mean... Why are you scaring me? Because you should be. You're just walking around just naked everywhere. You're going to get a picture taken of you. It'll be like the picture from... You're going to tell this story because I'm going to do that Photoshop and fix what you don't like. Best story ever you told me on Super Bowl Sunday a couple days ago. I want you to tell that story again. So you, here you are, you're on fire. Your career is, you're killing it. You own three restaurants. Yes. You have written how many books? Just one. Don't, don't ever say just one. One. One. You, you, you're just, you're killing it. You know that. And now you have this opportunity. Yes. To go and cook for, for like these NFL commentators. Yes. On which show? It's Fox Sports. On Fox Sports. Fox Sports on Thanksgiving morning. Your boyfriend, Greg, is literally has a bonus. So excited. For what you're about to do. Yeah. He thinks I'm like the coolest person in the world that I've been asked to be the chef. And there's been other chefs that done it year before, but it's like, you're literally standing on, like you're watching the Thanksgiving day parade go behind you. You're right at Fox Sports. Your man is behind the cameras like, yes, like this is amazing. And so I have four segments, right? So it's not even just like one quick segment. This is like four segments over the entire game that they're going back and forth with. They got kids coming out, blah, blah, blah. And, you know, I have four different dishes that are coming out. And, you know, it's hard because it's like all these dudes, it's like, here I come out and I'm like, look at my, you know, my butternut squash raviolis in brown butter they loved. You know, here's my, you know, Mexican hot chocolate with like you know, pumpkin cannolis. I don't remember what I was saying, but like a whole bunch of like Thanksgiving-y things. I know there was a cannoli. There was definitely a cannoli. So there's a cannoli at the end. This is where the story gets to rise. So I'm next to Terry Bradshaw. For most of the day. Right. And, you know, listen, they're like off to one segment. Sure, we'll have a couple bites of food. Super, super gracious, gracious host. They were amazing. You know, and at the very, very end, the last segment is a cannoli. Right. And Terry Bradshaw is just like at this point now my best friend. He's like loves the food. He's warmed up to me. Knows that you're just fucking cool. Yeah. He's just like, you know, in the beginning it's hard. Takes a minute. Takes a minute. Because they've seen so many people on this show. Correct. And, you know, and again, they're being super gracious. gracious, but it's like, now I can tell like he likes me, likes me, you know? And he's like, this cannoli is like really good. And he's got like powdered sugar all over his face. I, the cameras are still running and I kind of wiped the powder sugar off his face. And he's like, this is delicious. You did such a good job today. And I was like, thank you so much. And he put his arm around me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I'm like, this was such a great way to end the day. Like, so wonderful. I go off set. Greg's like, oh my God, Terry Bradshaw just gave you the biggest kiss. Like, this is so cool. This is like amazing. I was like, we had the greatest time. Leave. Greg and I go to Marea. It's my birthday, actually. It's Thanksgiving and it's my birthday. Happy birthday on Thanksgiving. Yeah, every seven years. And so we're having cocktails and caviar service at Marea and having the best time. And all of a sudden I get a phone call from my friend, Scott Conant, who's a chef on Food Network too. And he goes, what a way to Me Too Terry Bradshaw. And I was like, what are you talking about? And he goes, why don't you Google your name and Terry Bradshaw? And literally hangs up on me. And so I Google my name and Terry Bradshaw. And it's like, Terry Bradshaw. Bladshaw, inappropriate with celebrity chef on television, cringe-worthy picture. And I was like... Now, at first, Greg is like, it's not that big of a deal. It's like some blogger, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, no, babe, it says Sports Illustrated. It says CNN. And it was like every news outlet getting bigger and bigger by the second, which for the record... I don't mind a little bit of press like this if it wasn't for the picture that whoever started this thing decided to screenshot from the television that then went viral. When you showed it to me. It's awful. I pissed in my pants. It's awful. I have seven chins like that start from like the layer of the bottom of my neck to the top. My face is scrunched together. I look like the guy from the Goonies. Sloth. Sloth. Okay. You did not look pretty law. I 100% did. You didn't look your best. I didn't even look close to my best. You showed me that picture and I thought, poor thing.

UNKNOWN: 52:07

Fuck.

SPEAKER_00: 52:08

And even, what did you say? You're like, God, couldn't it have been just a good picture? Also, can we just back up? Couldn't it just not have fucking existed? First of all, how about this? I didn't say that I was offended. I didn't say it was inappropriate. Let's be serious. Doing what we do We forget what we do. We just show up and we go. We're on autopilot. We love what we do, but then we're doing it in cool ways. You're there. It's Thanksgiving Day. You're feeding Fox News commentators in one of the biggest arenas. You are cooking your ass off doing some probably amazing dishes. You walk out of there and what the fuck do you get? You get recognized for for me tooing Terry Bradshaw because he kissed you on the cheek. Yeah. Not inappropriately. And you were like, this story is just going to get smaller and then it's getting bigger. Yes. And like that to me, when you told me that two days ago, I'm like, God damn it. Well, it was because it pisses me off. It pissed me. Because like, there you are showing up, showing out, killing it. And what happens? Yeah. You know, no, it's got to be like some sort of shit moment that is like inappropriate. Meanwhile, it's like. None of it's inappropriate. Would ask me about my fucking cannoli. Or how about that? Or how about that? I asked me for my cannoli recipe. Don't like talk about that. I was like, I had the best day. I was like, I had the best day. I love Terry Bradshaw. I was so happy that he like planted one on my cheek. Cause he liked my cannoli. That sounded really bad. It's great. I mean, but I was like, and now I'm like having cocktails with my man on my birthday at like a great restaurant. You know what I mean? Like across the street from central park. And now there's the, ugliest picture of life. I remember Greg said it too. He goes... I would probably have had to like break up with you if you ruined Terry Bradshaw's career. And he goes, he had friends calling him from Queens being like, yo, what happened with your girl and Terry Bradshaw? That's like fucked up. I was like, oh my God. But then the crazy part is like, as the night went on, obviously it's my birthday. So I've had a couple of drinks and now I'm like walking the streets of New York being like, no one cares that I was the first woman to do Fox NFL sports on a major holiday. And Greg's like, get off your soapbox. No one even asked me if I was like, I'm your boyfriend. And so Some other man kissed you. I was like, everyone stop. This is about my, I was wrong today. The greatest response that a strong, funny, confident man can give, which is get off your soapbox. What about me? He was like, what about, he was like, what about me? He was like, you kissed another man today. I was like, oh my God, stop it. But also let's get back. Think about what you just did. It's kind of the check in with the chapters and like, look at what I'm doing. Look at what I've done and walking away from, That with, okay, remember me because Terry Bradshaw kissed me on the cheek because he loved my cannoli. That was amazing because I'm a badass chef. But also who gets to decide that it was inappropriate? Do you know what I mean? Like no one called me to ask me if I felt like it was inappropriate. Like someone just deemed it inappropriate and then used the picture and me as an opportunity to do whatever it is they did. I was like, shouldn't they have called him and like, hey, did you feel some kind of way about it? Because then we'll make it a new story. No, no one even like- No one's asking you. No one asked. It was just like, let's find the most awful screenshot. And if you actually, if you watch the whole clip, like you literally see him like, and then me like- turn and hug him. And then we all clap and walk away. It's reciprocated. Whoever decided to do it paused it, screenshot this one Heart. Who did this to you? I don't know. Let's find them. I don't know. Yes. Who took that shitty picture of her? Come forward. Email us. It's so bad. We've covered so much in the last... I feel like we're going to just have to do another one. We're going to talk peptides and diva cups. Yeah. And V-steaming. I'll explain more. And V-steaming, which by the way is weird. It's not. We're going to do these things. Why are we steaming our vaginas? Actually, you have to see it. You put a whole dress on that comes up to your neck and it keeps the body heat in. Google it. You'll see. I'm going to send you one. This dress sounds ugly. It's super ugly. I'm going to send you one. It's like a pilgrim. So you dress up like a pilgrim. Yeah. And you steam your vagina. It's not really like a pilgrim. It's more like a... How can I explain it? It actually looks like a very colorful, like silky water, not waterproof, but like it holds in the steam. Like, so it comes up to your neck, your arms are covered and then you sit on this little stool and then you tuck your feet under. So when the steam comes up, your whole body is steaming from like the inside out. The outside in. Well, it's going in. Does it come out your mouth? No, just out that way. Fuck. Yeah. It's good. It doesn't come out of all your holes. You start to sweat a little bit. All your holes. Energetically, it's meant to like, it has good blood flow, like any person who has- How often are you steaming your vagina? You're supposed to do it every month. Jesus. Yeah. Is this like an ad-hoc thing? Greg's seen it. Greg's seen it. You have seen her steam her vagina? No. You're just like this and he's watching TV? We watch TV, yeah. Bullshit. You're in this pilgrim dress. Yes, yes. Like a clear shower curtain. I buy all of these herbs and flowers online and you put it in a pot and you boil that. Okay, so you steep it. He calls it pussy potpourri. Pussy potpourri. Yeah. And then... And then what? And then you have the stool that has like a little cushion on it and a hole and you put those steamy pot underneath it. Right. And then you sit on the stool. If I do it, I'm going to tell you this. I'm not doing it with anyone around. Okay. It's like you're threatening me. You're like, I will tell you something right now. You will not watch me V-steam. I'm like, I didn't want to. Okay, just so we're clear. Again, you will have coconut shrimp with me at Tommy Bahama Cafe. And you will not watch me steam my vagina. I have no desire to sleep with you naked. You will sleep with me naked. No. But you will not watch me steam my vagina. I like how you go, no. No. Yes. You will eat at Tommy Bahama Cafe. Okay. Please, only if you V-steam with me. Fuck that.