The Gale Force Organizers Podcast

Compassionate Downsizing: Helping Loved Ones Transition with Dignity

• Tami Gale • Episode 7

Share episode

How Do I Help A Loved One Downsize With Compassion?

Few challenges test our patience and compassion quite like helping a loved one downsize their possessions, especially when memories and emotions are deeply entwined with seemingly ordinary objects. Tami Gale tackles this sensitive topic with warmth and practical wisdom, offering a roadmap for approaching downsizing with genuine heart.

The journey begins with shifting our mindset. Rather than focusing on efficiency or dreading the eventual burden of handling possessions later, Tami encourages concentrating on what truly matters: creating safe, comfortable living spaces while honoring your loved one's pace and emotional attachments. This foundation of respect sets the stage for meaningful progress.

Practical strategies abound throughout the episode. Start with non-sentimental spaces to build momentum and confidence. Group similar items to make decision-making easier. Ensure frequently-used items remain accessible. Remove potential hazards like slippery rugs. Limit decluttering sessions to maintain energy and enthusiasm. Take donated items away immediately. Each tactic acknowledges both physical and emotional realities.

Whether you're helping aging parents downsize for safety, assisting grandparents following a loss, or preparing for your own transition, this episode provides the compass needed to navigate decluttering with dignity, patience and love. Your organizing challenges don't have to become relationship challenges—with the right approach, they can actually strengthen your connection.

To learn more about Gale Force Organizers visit:
https://www.GaleForceOrganizers.com
Gale Force Organizers
719-653-5610

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Gale Force Organizers Podcast, where clutter gets conquered and chaos meets its match. Hosted by organizing pro Tammy Gale, helping Colorado Springs families and small businesses bring order and function to their spaces. Organize your space to simplify your life. Let's get started.

Speaker 2:

Downsizing isn't just about stuff. It's about memories, emotions and meaningful transitions. In this heartfelt episode, tammy Gale shares how to guide loved ones through the process with empathy and grace. Welcome back everyone. I'm Millie M, co-host producer, back in the studio with owner of Gale Force Organizers, tammy Gale. How's it going, tammy?

Speaker 3:

It's going great. Thanks for having me. This is one of my favorite topics.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. I know this one hits close to home for a lot of people. Let's talk about downsizing with heart. How do I help a loved one downsides with compassion.

Speaker 3:

I think the first thing that we do is make sure that you are patient, gentle and compassionate, ideally decluttering their space and their time. You can certainly do some gentle prodding, but the intent is really to help them at the pace they set is really to help them at the pace they set. All of us are tempted to just do it quickly, and my best advice for you is to slow down and listen, because it will certainly serve you. Most of us have a goal that we really want our loved ones to live safely and comfortably and easily. That's the same goal that your adult family member has. However, you may also be thinking in the back of your head oh, if I don't get this clutter taken care of now, I'm going to deal with it five or 10 years down the road. And really just try to put that out of your mind, because the focus needs to be on safety and comfort of your loved one, and so when you keep that in mind to start with, it's much easier to then actually tackle the process. So when we talk about tackling a task of decluttering, regardless of how large or small the project is, we really try to break it down into manageable pieces. You know, one bite of the apple at a time. You really want to encourage methodical but consistent approaches, so we often, just like everything else that we do, we encourage you to Pull like items together and sort and categorize. It's much easier for your loved one to get rid of things if they see they have multiple copies or duplicates of things, and so that's a great easy way to pare down without a lot of decision making.

Speaker 3:

The next thing to always do is start in places that don't matter. Start in the places that are not emotional to someone. Now is not the time to pull out the family photo album. Now is the time to tackle the hall closet. Let's be realistic. You can create some momentum and create some energy when they see spaces that they see every day look better and make their things easier to find and put away. It's much harder to actually talk about those emotional ties, those things that truly have a story and that matter, so hold those till the end, and then, ultimately, what you're trying to do is create a safe space, and so we often talk about making things accessible, bringing things down to a level where your loved one doesn't have to stand on a stepstool to find things or to bend down to reach things. As we get older, those are more challenging and they also create some hazards, and so anything you can do to eliminate the hazards in a very easygoing, quiet approach, you've solved it. Now is the time to get rid of the throw rug that slips. Now is the time to tackle things that are in piles and ultimately try to just diminish what's there and make things so that you can roam around your home freely without running into something or tripping over something.

Speaker 3:

So really, we talk about things fitting into four categories. Everything in your house fits into four categories Things you're keeping, things that you're donating or discarding, things that you are relocating, that you don't, you find in one room that belong in another, and trash, and so when you think about all of the things in your loved one's life, they're going to fit into those four categories. And so if you tackle it in a way that says let's just methodically approach each one and figure out where your stuff fits in those categories, then I can help you put it back. I assure you that we find things that we don't realize we still have or that we discover we don't need, and it's a lot of give and take, but at the same time, it's a lot easier to get rid of things when you see it all put together in one space.

Speaker 3:

So the other thing we always encourage you to do is just tackle things in time that matters and that doesn't overwhelm. We don't want you to feel like all you're doing with your life or their life is decluttering. Think about it as a small project maybe an hour, two, maybe three at the most. Set yourself a timer and make sure that you go do something fun once you've accomplished the goal of decluttering a space. Make it fun so that they want to invite you back. The first thing to do is to continue to be showing up, and every Tuesday this is all you do, and they're going to finally find things to do on Tuesday, so they're not there. When you get there, you know you've got to find some healthy balance. So we also talked a little bit about easy wins, things that you can do that really don't take any effort at all. Ask your loved one what they couldn't live without for a day.

Speaker 3:

And all of the things that they tell you. Make sure that it is put close to where they spend their day. Make sure that you've got your cell phone and a clock and a calendar and your phone charger and the TV remote right where they sit in their chair most of the day. Put those things there and then put away things in places where you use them or where your loved one will use them. Dishes go in the kitchen for a reason they're easy to access. If you've got clothes in a different room, you're unlikely to wear them, but if you have clothes in the closet that you see every morning, you're likely to use those.

Speaker 3:

So put things within easy reach. Take that vertical storage and bring it down. Take the things on the floor and remove them and bring them up and all of a sudden you have quietly made that house safer for your loved one. You have a little more peace of mind and they look around and say, oh, I think I can. I can keep this up. This is manageable because you've taken away some of those obstacles. Some other quick wins open that refrigerator door and discard anything that's expired it's amazing and then kind of jot down the things they use routinely so that when they call and ask you to go to the grocery store for them or stop and pick something up, you know what they use and so that you can continually buy the things they use, versus the things that they might have picked up at the store just because they happen to see it on sale. But getting rid of some of those expired things really helps and then, ultimately, anything that your loved one has finally decided to part with, take with you when you go.

Speaker 3:

We in our organizing business that if we don't take away those donations or those giveaways, they migrate back into the house.

Speaker 2:

They sprout legs and they go back to where they came from.

Speaker 3:

You got to take your wins where you can find them and, trust me, once out of sight, out of mind, people really don't miss what they've left.

Speaker 2:

So I have a few questions. You've just sparked a lot of different thoughts. Is there a way, or are there ways, to honor sentimental items without keeping everything? And I'll tell you why. I asked that. My grandmother passed away a few years ago. My grandfather won't let us touch any of her stuff, so we're talking about leading with compassion. So it's like is there a way for us to honor our grandmother without keeping everything she had while she was with us?

Speaker 3:

I think one of the biggest ways you do that is to listen to a story, the things that are meaningful. You will start to hear if your grandfather would share a story about a picture that's on the wall that he sees every day. That starts to have more emotion and more sentiment than maybe the throw that she picked up at the store. When you start to talk about the things they love and why you start making space for those things, and then the other things are easier to let go because they don't carry that emotion. That's why we encourage to start in non-emotional spaces, start in the spaces that aren't the things that bring back memories or aren't the things that create new grief, but rather instead, you know, start in the kitchen and pull out that Tupperware and say Grandpa, boy, you've been getting meals delivered. You haven't used this Tupperware in a couple of years. I think we can let it go. And Grandpa will say, yeah, I think we can let that go.

Speaker 3:

The more you do that with the things that don't matter, you'll find that you've created space for the things that do matter, and then you just have to accept these are the things that he wants to be surrounded with, and so you kind of take your wins where you get them and concentrate on the things that you think you could have, you know, decluttered easily somewhere else or put somewhere else or stored somewhere else, so that front and center are the things that he values and loves, that remind him of your grandmother or that remind him of a wonderful time in his life, and so you know, it's really just about moving away the things that don't matter for the things that do.

Speaker 2:

That makes sense. That makes sense. So, as we move from those things that don't matter to those things that do, my grandmother was a shoe girl. I think that's what it comes from. So if she's got shoes that she probably didn't even wear when she was with us, how do we handle those disagreements and those resistance to say, hey, there's 20 pairs of shoes in this closet, can we at least donate 10 of them? How do we handle it?

Speaker 3:

Maybe it means let's just move it out of grandpa's closet so that he doesn't see it every day, and if it's moved to the spare room, the next time he might be a lot more willing to let you go. Oh, I forgot those were still there.

Speaker 3:

I don't think we need those Once again, if you can kind of change the view so that it's his clothes he's seeing every day and not her clothes. You're not taking them away, You're not diminishing their value to him. You're just giving him the space to live freely daily, that he can walk in that spare room or spare closet any day and see those clothes. And then it becomes one more step closer to maybe actually coming to the decision to let it go.

Speaker 2:

Makes sense. Thank you so much for showing us how to lead with kindness. Until next time, here's to organizing with heart.

Speaker 1:

That's it for today's episode of Gale Force Organizers Podcast. That's it for today's episode of Gale Force Organizers podcast. Ready to bring calm to your chaos? Call 719-653-5610 or visit galeforceorganizerscom. Organize your space to simplify your life. Until next time, stay tidy and let it go if it's gotta go.