MediHelpz Live w/Sandra L Washington
This podcast dives deep into the heart of healthcare through the eyes of patients.
Each episode, we explore the multifaceted experiences of individuals navigating the medical system.
Expert guests will include doctors, nurses, and mental health professionals.
The information shared on this podcast does not replace medical infomation provide by your clincian.
MediHelpz Live w/Sandra L Washington
Beyond Loss: Finding Strength After Domestic Violence
What happens when domestic violence shatters a family? The trauma ripples outward, creating countless secondary "patients" who must navigate their own healing journeys alongside the primary victim.
Elena Maria takes us through the devastating moment she received news that her sister Yolanda had been murdered by her husband—a shocking act witnessed by her 14-year-old nephew. With raw honesty, Elena describes driving three hours on autopilot to reach her family and the surreal reality of gathering not for their usual celebration, but in shared grief.
"I felt everything and nothing all at the same time," Elena reveals, capturing the paradox of trauma that leaves you simultaneously overwhelmed and numb. This conversation ventures beyond the immediate tragedy to explore how domestic violence particularly affects Black communities, where cultural silence often prevents intervention. "We need to talk about it more," Elena emphasizes, suggesting churches and community spaces should prominently display resources for those suffering in silence.
The most powerful moments come as Elena shares how her family is rebuilding—through therapy for every member, maintaining family togetherness, and her personal commitment to honor her sister's legacy. Wearing a necklace containing her sister's ashes, Elena continues pursuing her creative gifts as an author, actress, and entrepreneur, guided by her sister's memory. "I refuse to give the grave any of my potential," she declares, transforming her pain into purpose.
For anyone touched by trauma or supporting someone through grief, this episode offers profound wisdom about healing while acknowledging that some wounds never fully close. Instead, we learn to live through them, carrying our loved ones forward by embracing life with even greater intention.
Thank you very much. Well, hello everyone, good Monday. Well, we're doing this. It's Monday morning, so hello everyone Monday morning. If you're not in the morning but you're in the afternoon, good afternoon. I don't think we're on with anyone that is in the evening, although if we're doing international, which we are, there may be some people that are in nighttime for them, so to them I say good evening. Thank you so much once again for joining in speaking with Sandra L.
Speaker 1:What we do is we bring the patient's experience to the forefront. We let patients explain what they're looking for in the doctor, the challenges that they faced when they went to a doctor's office, or not even a doctor, but any clinician's office. What kind of care did they receive? And then we also make sure that we highlight those providers that are doing their utmost best that they can do to make sure that each patient they touch, irregardless as to what their color is, irregardless as to what their gender is and also irregardless as to what their socioeconomic factors are, that they treat us all the same. And so often our voice gets lost in a shuffle or we're begging. Please have us at the table when you're talking about us and it doesn't happen, or it rarely happens. Well, with the podcast, what we're hoping to do is to ensure that it always happens and that when providers hear us speak and they have something that they want us to share with us on, you know what they're looking for in their patients. Then they can come on as well and say well, you know what we look for our patients is, but what we get is so that we, as a foundation, can start speaking to both parts.
Speaker 1:So today I have a very special guest. She does it all, so I'm going to let her tell you what she does. So throughout our conversation she will be touching upon what she does. But it's important to know that what she does as a patient has something to do, a little bit to do, and probably right now has more than just a little bit to do, or why she excels at those things that she does. Because, as I often tell people, the patient is very often not the patient. The patient is that patient's family, that patient's community, and even sometimes that patient's doctor is a part of that patient's network.
Speaker 1:And so today, alana Maria is going to tell us a little bit about what occurred to cause her to be in the patient experience group that she's currently in. So, without further ado, I'm going to go ahead and get started with the questions for today that I have planned just for her and I'm hoping she'll share, and, if you have a comment, please do put those comments in the chat so that we can take a look at them and we can address them. I do want to make this disclaimer what you're about the information that you're about to hear is, in fact, factual. However, we are not doctors. We don't say that we're doctors, but what we can do is get you the help that you need to get from a doctor so that you don't fall victim to what we're discussing here, and this happens to both men and women. So, with that being said, I'm going to go ahead and ask you can you describe your initial reaction when you received that phone call telling you what occurred?
Speaker 2:Oh, my initial reaction was shock, disbelief, sadness. I was lost. I can't give enough adjectives to describe what I felt, but I felt a little bit of everything. I didn't know if I wanted to hit the ground. I didn't know if I wanted to jump up and down, I didn't know if I wanted to turn around. I didn't know what to do because when I got the phone call about the incident that we're talking about, my sister, yolanda Williams, who was unfortunately brutally murdered by her husband of many years, of my gifts, and I was on set and we just was taking a break, and I got that phone call from my nephew and I just was so confused and just almost out of my mind.
Speaker 2:I was three and a half hours away actually, so I had to drive home by myself. Honestly, I don't know how I made it home. I was on autopilot, my foot was mashed to the floor, floor, speeding down the interstate, trying to get from Miami back to Daytona, to get to my family, to get to my mom, my sister, my sisters, my other sister, shana, and my sister who passed away her children, and everyone that I love. So I was just focused on getting there, getting to them, but I declare I felt like I was on a jet plane, because one minute I was in Miami, the next minute I was pulling up with my family trying to piece together everything. And when I saw again everything that I love sitting in a room together crying, it made it even more real.
Speaker 2:You know, it's one thing to hear something, but then when you pull up you see all the cards. It's not for a cookout or a crowd war that we normally do. You know, it's nothing unusual for a pile of us to be together. Unusual for a pile of us to be together, but this time for something that was so unperceivable and just unnecessary and just gut-wrenching. So I felt everything and nothing at all, all at the same time now I do want to say this, and you said it, you know.
Speaker 1:You said I don't know how I did it, and I tell people when they say things happen and they're like, excuse me, they're like sandra, I don't know how I did it, but god and always remember, but god, yeah, whatever your spirituality is, remember that that's who actually carried you through it like that, because, like you said, you was three and a half hours away, you know, and I remember it was a point in time when I was very, very sick, and my family, because I'm in Chicago, my family's on the East Coast. It was my sister. My nephew said Aunt Sandy, I think she must have been driving about 90 miles an hour to get to you. And you know, know, the cops stopped her and she just said just give me the ticket. I'm going to take my sister, just give me the ticket, right. So I can just about imagine you doing the same thing, like give me the ticket.
Speaker 1:I ain't even going to argue with you, just give me the ticket, I'll pay it and keep going right things like that happen, but I'm glad to say and I'm glad to see that you safely yeah you are going right, and the only person that could have gotten you there is god oh yeah over you this whole time. It's god, you know, leading god and you, and yes, there, you know, sometimes in our life we hit patches where they're not the patches that we want to hit yeah right, but god gives us.
Speaker 1:So thank you so much for that and I'm glad to see, and I'm glad to know that you were actually able to get home safely, amen. How has this experience impacted your view on domestic violence?
Speaker 2:and how it impacts families oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2:So it's one thing to live vicariously through another person. Right, you can be like, oh, I sympathize. But in my case now, I can sympathize and empathize because I've had to live through it and it is not a good feeling. Um, it's just just thinking back on what you could have done. How could I have fixed it, how could I have helped, how could I have made it better? So what it has changed as far as my outlook on domestic violence has caused me to be a voice.
Speaker 2:At this point I am increasing one of my other giftings that I speak, I'm a speaker, and I want to share the message far and wide, along with my mother, annette L Anderson, speaking about and providing resources and encouraging people who are in those situations. You know, to realize that doesn't have to be the end of the story. You know there is help out there and a lot of people are afraid because their partner threatens them I'll kill you, your family, whatever the case may be, or they may feel hopeless, or they don't have the money to go, or the means or the family, or they just don't feel strong enough. Um, so that makes me want to, um, you know, be a voice and an advocate for those who are going through that situation. A lot of time people think about, oh, the kids, but the extended family. You know, my sister's been my sister, that's my older sister, since the day I came into the world. She's loved me, you know. So her absence is just, it's just sickening, sometimes when I want to pick up the phone, or sometimes it's absent-minded. Let me call it. We called her Linda, let me call Linda, but she's not going to answer. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:And so those, those emotions that you go through and they'll be this, this will be a lifelong journey for me. I'll never get over my sister's death. I'm going to tell you that right now. Um, I learned to live through it and live with the facts, because a part of life is, the bible says the time to live in, the time to die. It's a part of the journey. Um, so death hurts either way. Whether someone has cancer or, you know, a car, whatever the situation is, it hurts to lose someone. I don't care if they're 99, a hundred years old. That hurts because you love them.
Speaker 2:But when it's attached to trauma, it adds that extra layer of why. You know that hopelessness, all these questions you ask God, why me, why her, why us, why the children? The terrible act he did in front of my nephew, you know what I mean and he's only 14 years old. So there's another layer of trauma. You know what I mean. All the kids are hurting, but this baby actually saw his mother on the ground. You know what I mean. And he has to wake up every day reliving those horrible, horrible, horrible traumas.
Speaker 2:But to your question, how again, how does, how, has it changed me? I hold those babies so much more tighter. I've always loved them, we've always had a relationship. But we, me and my sister Shauna we make sure to stand in the gap, to stand in the paint, to hold locked arms with those kids to let them know that they are loved and supported and we don't drop the ball in any area of their lives. We are there, lock, stock and barrel, holding it down. So it has changed me in ways.
Speaker 2:I will tell you gave me a little bit of PTSD, if you want me to be totally transparent, honestly, because I was in a store and I heard a husband yell at his wife in such a tone. I jumped and looked and I just wanted to go and grab her and hug her. You know what I mean. She laughed it off, but for me me I left feeling grieved. You know what I mean because I had a lived experience and you know my past. You know the trauma that I'm still going through.
Speaker 2:My sister hasn't been gone a year. It'll be August 2nd would be a year. So we haven't, we're still fresh. You know, one of her children live with me to live with my other sister. So we wake up daily reminded of the absence. And then we have our mother. That we have to, you know, hold up each side of her arms and make sure she's okay. So it has definitely changed the way I view the world and, um, it has made me my motto I refuse to give the grave any of my potential. It made me realize that life is fleeting, it's short, so give life everything you've got. And that's what. Since then, I've turned up the fire a little bit more with going after my dreams, goals, passions, like literally nothing can stop me and I push forward in honor of my sister's legacy, my children and her children, to make sure that we leave.
Speaker 1:I leave something behind, to let them make sure that they're okay yeah, and I thank you so much for for you, you know, telling that story and letting us know. You know, okay, I wasn't the victim, my sister was, but when that happened, I became the victim, I became the patient. Right, I wasn't looking forward to this. Her children and, you know, her son, he, you know, for life he's marred, yeah, been scarred, because he's gonna carry that with him. So when that incident happened, it made you impatient. It made your nephew a patient, your whole family a patient, and not just your family, but the community that she belonged to?
Speaker 1:yes, when this happened, because she was a really good, a vital part of the community she lived in. So you know whether you're a man or a woman. If you're going through something that you think might turn into a trauma like this, please say something you know. See something, say something. You never know right, but whatever it is that you're going through, don't continue to go through it thinking you're going to change. The he or she will change. They won't hurt me. They said they wouldn't hurt. Don't, yeah, don't, don't. Don't put yourself in that situation, because there's way too many people that are involved with altercations such as what happened with your sister.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:My next question to you is this In what ways do you think awareness about domestic violence can be improved in this society?
Speaker 2:In what ways do I think wellness about? I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:What ways do you think awareness about domestic violence can be improved in this society?
Speaker 2:Oh, awareness can be improved, oh, my goodness. So one thing is Black. I can speak from a black experience. We need to talk about it more. We don't talk about you know, we talk Jesus, he's good, he's great, yes, but there are also people who can provide counseling for the things that are unspoken. So, the black community. We can do a little bit more. Making sure in our churches having flyers and when we have our bulletin board talking about the next conference. But we also can have a flyer on our bulletin board saying you need help, here's a number. You know what I mean. So making sure that there's more visuals for people to see that there is help.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, just one moment, one moment can change someone's life. Walking out of that building of the church, you look and see that flyer. Oh my God, I can't go home and get beat. Today. They call that number. So that's one way to improve is to use, you know, the areas that we, as black Americans, frequent the most. Make sure that they know there are resources out there and help take away the stigma of shame and also that stigma of teaching.
Speaker 2:Well, just stick with it. I'm not advocating divorce, but what I'm saying is love doesn't hurt, not in that capacity. So changing some of our language is something that we can correct. When it comes to getting the message out there for domestic violence, changing the way we speak about it, being more vocal about it People who have went through it speaking. If you're able to talk about it, we're so used to like I can say I can only speak about the black community. In it or in the past, everything is a hush trauma. Just stay in our household. What happens in our household, stay in our household. And then that leads from generational trauma. And it goes on and on. And so your niece got beat, your great niece got beat. Your great, great, great niece got beat. Your great niece got beat. Your great, great, great niece got beat because they think that's the norm. That's not healthy and it's not normal.
Speaker 1:You are not an animal.
Speaker 2:You are not a dog. You are a human being who deserves love and you don't have to stay. So that's another thing changing you know the way we communicate about it. Speak up, say something in our communities, at the. I know a lot around Daytona. There's a lot of knitting clubs and they have all different activities where people go and work out and they work out in the park. Just making sure there's literature out there. You know what I mean Showing up, being present, those who are advocates for it, just making sure people are aware, because a lot of times they feel alone and sometimes you just need to hear you're not alone. So those are some ways right there to start. Start in our own community, right here, right with our neighbors and our friends, right in our churches, right in our gyms, right in our community clubs. Have literature and stuff available to let people know you're not alone. We can just start right there and that'll make the biggest impact because we'll learn to shh instead of speaking. We need to break that.
Speaker 1:And that's so very, very true, and I'm sure it happens in other communities. Of course. We're talking about the marginalized, underserved communities who are already suffering so much. We're suffering and there's ways that we can be helped. There's things that we should expect or we could expect, and there's things that we can do and that we should do. Make sure that, no matter what kind of patient you are, you're getting help. There's help that's out there, but we have to stop, you know, keeping everything a secret. Some secrets are made to be told. As I write in my chapter in the anthology book that I'm in Now. It doesn't cover trauma from this standpoint, but it's the same across the board. Some secrets are meant to be told. They make them so that you could tell them. So if they're saying don't tell, don't tell, tell, I would tell because there's something going on. So I would definitely tell and I would definitely say something and once again, we are our brother and sisters yeah, we are.
Speaker 1:So if we see something, we need to say something. If you're seeing something, you know there's all kinds of signs and stuff that you could put that the victims could you know mark on their bodies and everything that will let someone know okay, that person got this blue sign or this green sign. They must need some help. Let me just go check or call someone. If you don't feel comfortable call someone and say, hey, I think there's an incident going on over here. Can we get over here to check? Yeah, but we have to say something, we have to provide, we actually have to actually care. Kindness is free. It doesn't cost a thing to be kind. So we have to be kind and we have to speak up.
Speaker 1:If we ask the person, they're like yeah, I'm good. I tell this all the time. If you ask someone how they're doing and they say I'm good, you shouldn't be okay. They said they good, you should be. Well, what does good mean?
Speaker 1:Dig a little further. Don't just let them say I'm good or everything's great. What that means, and listen empathetically. Listen to their responses that they're giving you, because very often those responses will tell you signs of there's something going on that needs to be checked out. You can actually pull them to the side at that point and say, hey, you know, I know you said you was good, but then you also said, so one is it. So just don't let them stop and say, hey, I'm good, I'm great. Make them tell you what that is. Make them tell you what that good looks like or that great looks like, so that you can pull what's really going on out of them. I see that Carolyn and good morning Carolyn and and good morning myra. And carolyn coleman is saying there are no boundaries to domestic violence. I I totally agree. I mean, I'm not a victim of domestic violence, but I do know people who have went through domestic violence situations, both men and women, and there are no boundaries yeah absolutely it shouldn't occur.
Speaker 1:I mean it really shouldn't. If you get that mad or upset with somebody that you think that what the solution is for you bopping them upside their head or stabbing them over and over repeatedly, you need help, and you need to get help now, because you don't have the authority no one's giving you an authority to take this person out of this world yeah, and the aftermath, the trail of tears that it leaves, is just monumental.
Speaker 2:They don't think about tomorrow, they just think in the moment. But that one moment shifts in so many lives, right?
Speaker 1:exactly and you know what, and so that's the victim that's going through that, but the person that's actually doing it, their family, is just as impacted as the person you did it to.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely I can tell you that right now, the family of the abuser of my sister they are just beside themselves, you know, and it also we don to be transparent it caused some, um, uncomfortableness because now for families who were bonded for years now trying to figure out what, what is our place now? How do we interact? You know, I'm saying walking on eggshells because they still love us, but they know that someone that they love has caused an offense, so they don't think about how all the ripple effect I mean it's like a tsunami. You see the wave coming and then how many hotels and people it knocked down. You don't know how big and how wide the tidal wave is. But, yeah, that one decision created such a nightmare, just to be honest and just trying to establish boundaries with people, um, it just made things so uncomfortable when it didn't need to be.
Speaker 1:So you know yeah, and Carolyn, I agree. You said that's not love and you're both and you. I'll be wrote down. You both have to heal.
Speaker 1:It takes time to heal oh yeah incidents like this happen, where you can't bring the person back, that time to heal is forever. Oh, yeah, right, you can't bring them back. I mean it's different if you know the person is still living and yeah, you're hurt and you know you get through it day by day and you know you pump, you know you encourage them and empower them to feel better. But sincerely, if they're gone, your healing process is a lifetime oh yeah in a day because it always remains with you.
Speaker 1:Now, speaking of that, I want to. I want you to tell us what support systems and coping strategies have you found helpful since the loss. But before we get into the coping systems and the strategy, I do know at one point in time your family was working on a nonprofit to help victims. How is that all going?
Speaker 2:It's actually going pretty good. We paused for a minute because my mother I say everybody is hurting, but my mother carried my sister and that's the one we're trying to hold up. She has had some moments and some days where just being hurt, to be just hurt, every breath she took hurt, you know. So sometimes reliving it was too much and so, as we were get trying to get things together, if she needed a pause, we took the pause because we want to care for her in her latter years and, you know, support her to the best of our ability. So if she needed a pause we will fall back to allow her to. Okay, now, now I got strength again, so we're the ball is back rolling. With that. We got the 800 number up, um, working on the the what's the 501c. So we in the background, we're working, but we we have to just support our mom through the efforts that.
Speaker 1:So yeah, that at a time that's right hey at a time.
Speaker 2:That's right, that's.
Speaker 1:When you are completely and, like you said, it's a fresh wound. It hasn't even been in here yet. Who's to say how things are going to look as we get closer to August? The whole family might just break down. You have that right to do that. You have that right to say you know what? We're not doing anything. We let's get past this hump that's right, and we can continue to pick it back up again.
Speaker 1:It's not a rush for it oh, absolutely, absolutely because look, sadly, the issue of domestic violence and the domestic abuse. Sadly it's not going to stop yeah it, it's not isolated Right, so there's going to always be people that need the help that your nonprofit is set up to do.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Right, so I'll go back and ask you again what support systems and coping strategies have you found helpful since the loss?
Speaker 2:Well, the main thing is togetherness. We didn't allow the grief that you sit in the corner over here. You sit in the corner, no, no, no, no, no. We get together, like Mother's Day. I can say Mother's Day is my niece and the nephew First Mother's Day, my mother and my sister, first time without my sister. For Mother's Day we went on a little dinner cruise with all the kids, with my mom, and we celebrated and not a tear was shed for the first time in a long time. So, just being together, making sure the kids are around their cousins, still with their grandma, not isolating and separating. Okay, you two are here, you two are no, making sure that we'll still have togetherness. Um, that's one of the coping mechanisms. We just maintaining our family unit, but also counseling. Every last one of us are in counseling. Okay, we go to the therapist.
Speaker 2:Snot cry, big yell, scream whatever needs to be done to get it out and to and to be able to go on about your day-to-day, because here's a harsh reality about loss, or you know, people don't think about just because some people, somebody passes away your bills. Don't stop coming, don't stop. You still have obligations you have to meet. You still have children that have to go to school. You still have homework. You have to wipe your eyes while you're doing that paper and keep helping them with that math. You see what I'm saying. So life continues to roll as you're grieving. It doesn't stop. Oh oh, elena's hurting. Wait, no earth is still spinning right. We're still going. Still the same 24 hours in the day. However, we wanted to make a point to not drag ourselves down so low, but we just couldn't function. So all of us are in therapy. That is the the healthiest thing that we could have ever done.
Speaker 2:To have an unbiased person who didn't know her, because we can talk to anybody in the community and just want to share and they're going to cry harder than we are because she was so loved and supported. You know what I mean. Now they cry, we cry, the neighbor cry. Oh, y'all talking about long. Oh, somebody else crying because she has such a beautiful aura and spirit.
Speaker 2:But being able to talk to an unbiased person who didn't know her they just hear what we say about her and able to unload and talk and get some sound advice and a good sounding board where we can just truly let it out with somebody trying to over talk you and tell you about their experience. Sometimes, no disrespect, we appreciate the love we get, but sometimes I I don't want to hear your story. I just need to get it out in a moment, so that therapy is the same place where we can just dump and, you know, be okay. So those are the coping mechanism. We stay together and then we go talk to the man at the young people, we go talk to the man on the couch over the computer. We go talk to the man and get it out and just learn how to adapt to the new, our new world without her, it's a strange place without her, but it's the reality of our current place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you know and thank you for bringing that up and this is a reminder to everyone. Sometimes, when people are going through things, they don't need for you to input what happened to you into that conversation. They just need you to empathetically hear what they're saying. Hearing and listening are two different things. When you're hearing something, you're hearing it and you're able to grasp it, but when you're listening, it's like you're in listen mode so that you can respond, and sometimes people don't need you to respond. Sometimes they just need you to hear what it is they're saying. Let them get it out.
Speaker 1:If you want to add to the conversation, come back a day or two later and then say, hey, you know you're ready to talk about what.
Speaker 1:You know what you were talking about the other day. But when it initially happens and I know that people are trying to help, right, yeah, they're just trying to help because they love the person just as much as you did and they think, well, let me just let them know that they're not in this by themselves. But sometimes we have to walk that path by ourselves and you know you interjecting in the middle of everything, it makes it worse, because then the person is still guess what? They still had that baggage that they were trying to let you, you know be a part of. They're still holding on to it because you interjected right in the middle of what they were saying and the conversation got lost, so that when they leave you they're still holding on to baggage that they shouldn't be holding on to. So thank you so much for bringing that information up Now. I know you do like I said. You do so many things.
Speaker 1:And as I see you doing these things. So we're going to get to the good stuff, which we've already been talking about the good stuff, but we're going to get to the good stuff of after the pain, after the therapy, or during the therapy. I got to make it up in my mind what am I going to do so that my sister's memory, her legacy, will always live on, memory, her legacy will always live on? So let's talk about one the fact that you are an international bestselling author and you haven't let what's occurred with your sister. You haven't let that stop you. And after she passed away, you were like, okay, well, that's it, I'm not writing anymore, I'm putting that book up, I'm putting my thoughts up in reference to that. You kept writing. So could you tell us a little bit and I know a little bit about the backstory that your sister wouldn't have wanted you to stop. She's like uh-uh, you better keep going yeah you tell.
Speaker 1:Just say a little bit about what your thought process is, as you're continuing to write and she's continuing to be on the top of your thoughts of course.
Speaker 2:So my sister, like I said, she's loved me from day one. My sister has been good to me from the womb. She's six years, my senior and I don't have a bad memory of her, as a you you know, being my big sister, ever trying to fight on me or pinch on me. She always took good, good, good, good, good care of me, even until my adulthood she was my biggest supporter. You hear what I say Every book I wrote, if I post a Facebook post, if there's a misspelling or a comma, she'll say, hey, fix that word, like my sister was on me about everything.
Speaker 2:I want you to represent yourself in the best light. Fix this, fix that. Where's your book? You procrastinating? You told me it's going to do this by Thursday, didn't you say you was going here? You have an acting gig tomorrow, right?
Speaker 2:She will be reminding me of things that I mean. She just she had me straight, she loved. She's not a jealous bone in her body. She saw me beginning to excel and with my speaking and starting to act, and she was on top of every move I made, and me and my mom and my sister Shauna we thought it was so funny because her the drill started because she didn't play by her baby sister, and so I mean she didn't let not one thing fall to the ground. She would text me at 12 o'clock. Get that of facebook. I don't like that. That doesn't represent you. Get that like no nonsense.
Speaker 2:She was all about making sure that I represented myself and, um, when she passed away, I just missed her. So I stopped speaking for a while because the children were with me for a bit and you know, one day I went from just my children to you know, our children moved in from there until we had to get things sorted out, and so I needed to take a moment and focus on what was important at the moment making sure those babies well-being was, you know, in good hand and make sure auntie was okay and, you know, just making sure we were good. So I kind of slowed down on the speaking while getting getting our bearings right and then, once things started getting to somewhat normalcy, I was like Elena, if my sister were here right now, she'd be like so you don't have engagements, you're not doing nothing. Like wait a minute, why are you not auditioning what's happening? What are you doing? She wouldn't even be supporting this. She would be like get going. So I know she is up there rooting for me with a cloud of witnesses right now, even the more ruining her baby sister on. So there is no way I can let her love and support for me fall to the ground.
Speaker 2:Um, we have a necklace, all of us with a heart, and we have her ashes in it and oftentimes, sometimes on set, they tell me you know I can't have it out, so I tuck it in, I put it in pocket, but I have her on set with me all the time, you know, to remind myself Elena, tighten up. Yeah, you sleepy, but wake up. You're on set, be professional, get it together. Landa's in your pocket, just like she's in my ear. She can never. Her love and her pushing me. It never falls to the ground. So there is no way I can stop. It's an impossibility. I stop when I die. I still have breath. So that lets you know I'm still going. So, as you continue to see me on Facebook, you're going to continue to see Opportunity to Speak and continue to see me acting. Continue to see me opening up my shops. Continue to see my album coming soon. I'm not playing with this thing called life.
Speaker 1:It's a gift. I would not get the grave in if my potential refused to do it. And in her honor, and you know what, and you what you get. Like you said, you got your sister. Your oldest sister is encouraging you even more and saying don't stop. And I would love to know when that album comes out, because you have such a beautiful voice and I can only imagine it becoming even more profound in the singing and in everything that you do, because, like you said, you got Londa with you. She's like uh-uh, boo, we ain't stopping here. Uh-uh, keep it going right.
Speaker 1:And through that pain came encouragement to to keep going, to remember me always. And as you're remembering me, remember me in the good times and the bad, but take those bad times and smish them into the good times and use those good times as stepping stones to keep you going to where you're going, yes, and I know you just mentioned that you also have a shop, so can you tell us a little bit more about the shop and what's on, what's in this shop?
Speaker 2:absolutely. Um, actually, uh, I'll have two shops coming soon. It's elena maria 360 shop. It's just a hodgepodge of shirts, candles, socks, bags, suitcases, just a one-stop shop for you to get all your you know, the sundries and needs. There'll be some skincare stuff in there as well. And there's also Elena Maria 360 Beauty and that brand, that shop, would be specifically for makeup and eyeliner, eye kits, makeup, skin totally 100% focused on beauty. My brand in itself is Elena Maria 360 LLC. I chose that because Elenaia 360 meaning all of me, right, so right. My brands represent all of me the singing, the acting, the writing, the speaking, the mobile. You know the beauty of, you know beauty mogul that you know with my shop. So everything back to what I said earlier. I refuse to give the grave any of my potential. God gave me gifts. Why would I not use them? You know, enough is enough, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I actually do agree with what you just said and I want to. You know, everyone asks, not everyone. Some people have asked, some people have said, sandra, well, if this is about the patient experience, why are you talking about businesses that people are doing? And that's because this reason, I myself am a patient and when I got the diagnosis obviously I did. I refuse to say this is it. I looked at the hourglass and instead of looking at the hourglass as half empty, I looked at it as full right and I flipped it. And because I flipped it, that's why I keep going and encouraging other people when they get a diagnosis, whether it's them or whether it's someone in their family or whether it's somebody in the community that they're close to gets a diagnosis of something that they're dealing with. What I encourage them to do is to keep going.
Speaker 1:Don't like Elena Marie just said. She refused to give the grave her talent. She ain't taking them with her right. We have to use them while we're out here. We just have to use them while we're out here doing what we need to do.
Speaker 1:If you're a patient and you get a diagnosis, or a loved one of a patient, you get a diagnosis. Encourage them. Hey, you know what, while you're sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, what is it in life you like to do? Why don't we look into how we can get it done, versus not doing anything at all, other than waiting for life to say that's it the end, um, and putting a period on things that you want to do and you want to have done? Elena maria, I so appreciate you coming on today. Tell your loving mother I said hello.
Speaker 1:I listen to her as often as I can on her facebook live. She probably is like I don't know who this is. I'll be sneaking in when she's on. I'll be sneaking in, trying to listen to her as much as I possibly can. I give her all the blessings, peace and blessings as she continues to go. Please continue to keep her lifted up, right, you got to give, but mama's down. I'll be there, but I got to take care of mama first, because family is first, right, so continue to do that so that she can continue to be that strong woman, that strong matriarch that she is.
Speaker 1:Yes, so that, with that being said, I'm going to, we're going to go ahead and end today's session and what I will say is what I always say always be kind. It costs you nothing at all to be kind to someone. You never know what kind of day they're having. You being kind makes it better for them. So please be kind, add kindness to your vocabulary and don't just add it to your vocabulary as a noun. Make being kind a verb, an action verb at that. Thanks, alana Marie. I certainly appreciate you.
Speaker 1:Thank you have a good day you too, thank you.