Speaker 1: 0:04

Good day everyone, and, once again, thank you so much for working with us as we went through some problems, some technical issues that we were going through as we were beginning to launch on a brand new platform. What I do want to do is take the time to say thank you so much to Ms Jacqueline Cox, aka Listen Linda, for getting us this far where we feel comfortable enough to actually try this on our own to see how we're doing. So, once again, a special thank you and a special shout out to Jacqueline Cox, aka Listen Linda, for getting us this far, as far as being able to try it on our own to see. And, of course, as always, when you try something new, very often you make mistakes and very often it's a technical challenge. We've gotten through it, though. We've done this for 30 years. My husband and I have done this through 30 years of marriage. Sometimes we're there and sometimes we're not there, but we're always together, and that's what's important is that we understand the importance of being there for not only ourselves, but being there for our family, our friends, and being there also for each other.

Speaker 1: 1:16

So, without further ado, I'm going to go ahead and once again introduce you to and introduce you to my loving husband, mr LC Washington Jr. Many of you know me and you hear me and you see me and you see everything that I've been able to do. However, I'm not doing it by myself, and so, with this being Men's Health Month, I wanted to take the time to let him tell his story as far as what it is when he goes to the doctor patient experience, whether he's going with me or whether he's going on his own. What are some of the challenges he faces, so that, as we go through men's health, men, if you're available and you want to share your stories, please do so. Once again, thank you so much for joining me on Speaking with Sandra L, and so, without further ado, I'm going to go ahead and start asking my loving husband some questions. Hey, honey, how are you?

Speaker 2: 2:18

I'm doing OK and you.

Speaker 1: 2:21

I'm doing well. Well, you know it's us together, so I'm always doing well. What I do want to ask you is this you know, many times you go to the doctor's office and I see that Ms Jackson Cox is saying hey, hey, elsie. So I don't know if you want to take the time to say hi to her, but we do want to actually ask you. I want to ask you.

Speaker 1: 2:44

So often you know you're my backbone, so when I go to the doctor's office, you're there with me, and a lot of times when you don't understand what a doctor is saying, you'll turn to me and say, well, did you understand what they just said? And I say yes, but there are times when you actually go to the doctor's office by yourself. So can you share a little bit about what is that patient experience when you actually go to the doctor's office by yourself? So can you share a little bit about what is that patient experience when you're going to the doctor's office by yourself and you don't have me sitting there saying did you understand? You know to talk about like nudging you to speak. What is it like for you as a patient?

Speaker 2: 3:21

Well, first I'd like to say hello to everyone out here on the broadcast, especially Ms Cox, and to answer to your question. If I go to the doctor and they speak it to me in a terminology that I don't understand, doc, you need to break that down, name and term to me, because I don't understand what you just said. Explain to me as regular, plain English what do that mean? I don't have a degree in medical background or anything like that, so you need to talk to me as an ordinary person, explain to me what you just said to me and if you don't understand, you, as the patient, need to tell the doctor to take his time and explain this stuff to you in a terminology that you understand.

Speaker 1: 4:08

So I have a question. Very often you'll go to the doctor and you'll come home and you'll be frustrated and you're like I can't believe they said this. And I'm like, well, what did they say? And you'll tell me some things that the doctor said just recently. Let's take just recently, so just recently. You went to the doctor's office and you came home and you said I'm not understanding something. And you were frustrated and you was like I'm not understanding something. I said well, what did they tell you? She wanted to take me off one medicine and put me on another medicine, and she ain't my regular doctor. Like why would she tell me to do this Right Before you left the doctor's office with that patient experience? Because would you consider that to be a good patient experience? You know, what would you say about that patient experience where she just told you, without knowing you, what she wanted you to do?

Speaker 2: 5:04

Well, it was a to me it was a bad patient experience. But when she told I said, come on, doc, you're going to take me on one medicine and then put me on two. That ain't sounding logical to me and I'm not doing it Now. It may tag me as a difficult patient or whatever, but that didn't sound logical to me. You don't take me off of one medicine and put me on two medicines. That's doing the same thing as the one medicine. No, I'm not willing to do that. So she was like well, let's give it a try, let's give it a try. I'm like I don't want to do this, doc, but you could write wherever you want in this notes, but I'm not going to take two medicines what one medicine is doing, and I was adamant about it.

Speaker 2: 5:48

So I came home and I told my wife what's wrong with this doctor. She want to take me on one medicine and put me on two medicines that are doing what one medicine is doing. And I told myself I'm not doing it. I'll just have to wait till my doctor, who was out on sick leave, come back and we'll sit down and talk about it. But for her not to be my primary doctor and to tell me to do something like that. I think it's totally crazy. She didn't consult my other doctors. This is just something she wanted to do and I was like I'm going with that.

Speaker 1: 6:23

So do you think so? You said that wasn't a good patient experience for you. Do you think that there are other men that face that challenge when they go to the doctor, where the doctor is telling them hey, I want you to change medications, and how do you, you know, how do you deal with? What would you suggest to men that would be a recourse when they actually are told to switch medications? Do you think it's helpful for them to talk to someone about it or to say you know what? I'm never going back to the doctor again. What do you think is the best recourse for them when they actually go to the doctor and have a situation such as what you had?

Speaker 2: 7:07

to the doctor and have a situation such as what you had. Well, that's probably what discouraging me to go to doctors when the doctor do something like that. But I tell men all the time this is your life, your health. Don't let that doctor discourage you from going and seeing about yourself Just because that doctor didn't agree, we didn't see things eye to eye. I'm not going to stop going to the doctor. I still go to the doctor. But I'm going to wait till my doctor come back so we can have that heart-to-heart talk and if she want to change the medicine, I'll change it. But for that doctor not to be my primary and say she was going to take me off of one medicine, put me on two, that was a no-go for me. Stand your ground, fight for your rights. This is your life.

Speaker 2: 7:50

So if you're not going to say nothing and speak up about nothing about your life. But I said, don't stop going to the doctor. That's what's wrong with us man. We got that macho attitude and then when you get you wait till you deadly sick and then you want to run to the doctor, then there's no help for you. You got to go to the doctor on a regular basis. I know we, as men, be like I ain't running to no doctors. That's a proud thing, but it's not. If you're trying to stay around in this world for your children, your spouse or whoever you with in this world, for your children, your spouse or whoever you with, ain't nothing wrong with going to the doctor. Ain't nothing unmanly about going to the doctor. If you're sick, you're sick. You want to get well, right, you want to feel well. Go to the doctor. Stop self-diagnosing yourself and go to the doctor.

Speaker 1: 8:44

So what would your suggestion be on how they can actually say, okay, well, this doctor's not working for me, let me find another doctor. Or you think it's a good idea to actually say you have your primary doctor and you have some specialists? Do you think it would be a good idea for them to speak to maybe one of their specialists and say, hey, I went to see this doctor the other day and this is what they told me, but I'm not feeling like that was a correct thing to say? Or do you think they should just swallow their pride and go along with what it is that they've been told?

Speaker 2: 9:31

No, if you aren't easy about this, ask another person, ask another medical profession Like you said, your specialist or ask someone that you know in the medical field. Or come on and ask your wife or somebody what do you think about this? If you're not sure about it, just ask someone else. Maybe they can direct you or guide you to the way you should go. But it's never not good not going to the doctor and just start self-medicating because now you don't know what you're medicating and you don't know if you're causing other problems instead of trying to fix the problem that you got going on. So if you're not comfortable with that doctor, I ain't saying stop going to the doctor, find another doctor. I live with doctors in a heartbeat. If I feel like they're not doing what I want to do, my wife will tell you I'm going to change doctor. Go on, do not stop seeing the doctor, though.

Speaker 1: 10:32

So I have a question for you, and it centers on you as being a loving husband. A lot of times you go with me and a man will go with the woman to a doctor's office and be told certain things and they not understand what the wife is being told. Do you think it's good for that wife and that husband, or that girlfriend and that boyfriend, especially if they've been in a long-term relationship? Do you think it's helpful for him to even approach her and say, hey, why did the doctor tell you this? If the husband or a boyfriend or brother whoever is the male with the woman, if they don't understand what a doctor says, do you think it's okay? Or do you think it's like, okay, that's her business. I'm not going to ask her, just like I wouldn't expect her to ask me what a doctor meant if they said something specific. Or do you think there's an open dialogue?

Speaker 2: 11:28

no, this should be an open dialogue between you, your wife, your girlfriend or whatever. Yo, if you, I think your better half should go to the doctor with you sometime I'm not saying all the time, but sometime because she may hear something that doctor saying that you're overlooking or you may have missed what that doctor was saying. Now I just found out that, like if you, another woman, two women, your sister or somebody go into the doctor with you, the doctor is not really taking the sister point of view as important as your point of view. Society. Think of it as a man, your woman or your wife. They're going to value your opinion more than they'll value her sister or cousin or somebody who went to the doctor with.

Speaker 2: 12:21

So that's significant Other do play a role, whether you believe it or not, because the doctor is going to listen to your better half and see what's her opinion about this health thing going on with you, as opposed to a sister or brother. Now, a sister or brother is good. Going to the doctor with you, that's no problem, because you need a second ear. You may need somebody else to hear what this doctor is saying, but your significant other, if they can go with you, let them come. They ain't got to go all the time, but I let my husband come with me sometimes.

Speaker 1: 12:56

And you are so true. You know what. And, ladies, he is honestly telling the truth. He has one doctor. He had one doctor. She since left Chicago, which is where we reside, but he had one doctor. Whenever he made an appointment with that doctor, he took me, he asked me to come with him one time, ladies, one time and me and the doctor got to talk about him, and that was the last time.

Speaker 2: 13:30

That was the last time that I actually was asked to go with him to that doctor's office but if something was wrong, I let her come back to the doctor with me to see what the doctor is saying. But I let her. I took her to the doctor and introduced her to my doctor. The doctor didn't know my better half, but when they got the bundle in the game I'm like nope.

Speaker 1: 13:57

Guys, don't do what he did. Please don't do what he did. Now we literally have the same what we have. We have actually the same doctors, the same primary care doctor, and, it's funny. We love her to death. She's a beautiful doctor. We really wish we could actually somehow or another make her a duplicate, and we know we can't do that.

Speaker 1: 14:25

But we do have the same doctor and we make our appointments together and sometimes he'll say okay, you can sit out in the waiting room. And sometimes he'll ask me to come in the room with him just so that I could hear what he's saying. And the doctor will ask well, you want her in here with you or you want to be in here on your own? And I look at him cross-eyed because I want to know what's going on. Not that I don't trust that he's going to tell me what's going on, but I don't want no surprises. I guess I don't want no surprises. So I go into the doctor's office with him. This last time, when the doctor changed his medication, his primary care doctor or I should say our primary care doctor wasn't available, so he had to see a substitute doctor and when he came home frustrated I was like I knew I should have went with you and.

Speaker 1: 15:20

But, ladies, sometimes we have to let men, we have to let them take control of their own health, and they're not going to do it if we're with them at every appointment. They need to know, hey, I have someone at home or whatever the person that might be that I can pick up and call and say I'm not agreeing with what this doctor says. What should I do? And when he asked me that, my response to him was do you? I can't tell you, and, ladies, we can't, we can't tell our husbands, well, you need to do this, because that's what I would do. That's the wrong attitude to take and a lot of times it actually discourages men from going into the doctor's office and having that conversation. They'd rather sit at home and say well, you know, since we're going, because whatever happens, they're not going to be happy, let them man up and let them handle their man health business and know that you know, on the other end of them handling it, if they get stuck or if they get slightly confused about anything that they have, help that they can actually turn to.

Speaker 1: 16:28

But we have to, ladies, we have to, we have to step up and we have to say, okay, well, you go ahead and you go to the doctor's office. Let me know what they say when they come home. And then you have to be woman enough to say, okay, well, what you're telling me ain't sounding right. I'm going to pick up the phone and call myself and ask the doctor what did he or she mean? You can't do that, though, if you don't have HIPAA documents signed. Whether you're married you could be married 30, 40 years you cannot get that information. You cannot get the doctors to talk to you unless you have that HIPAA documentation.

Speaker 1: 17:06

So you, you know women is a part of a man's life where wants to get whatever role you play, make sure that you have the HIPAA documentation that you need to have signed and with you at all times, especially when they're going to the doctor, so that the doctor will know okay, it's okay for us to talk to them. A lot of times now we have electronic health records, so you can always upload the forms into your electronic health record. But do know that, during this Men's Health Month, let's, as ladies, step up to the plate and say, hey, do you have HIPAA documents? How can I help you? What do you need from me Asking them those questions and then if they tell you I don't need nothing from you, I'm cool, I can go, talk about myself, let them go. Let them be that man and let them go.

Speaker 1: 17:55

Because if they going and they going because they want to go, versus they're going because we're forcing them to go my thinking is and I've seen it over 30 years, I've seen it where he'll come home and he'll have that conversation with me or he'll call me on the phone and tell me versus me beating him over the head and saying you got to go, you got to go, you got to go, or do this, do this, do this? It really doesn't work. We have to encourage our men to get in good health and stay in good health, and it's not now. I could be wrong, honey. So you say it, you know. You tell me how you feel. Do you think it would be better if I went with you to all your doctor's appointments or if I'm constantly nagging you all the time and say you need to do this and you need to do that, or do you think you feel more comfortable having a good patient experience if you're allowed to do it on your own?

Speaker 2: 18:52

I don't want you going to the doctor with me every time, but generally if you got a serious condition going on with your health, you want your better half to be there so that the doctor can explain this to both of y'all and she know what's going on. And you know what's going on. You may overlook something, because this is your health. You may not have heard something the doctor said or did, so that's why that second person in the room with you is more important, or did so. That's why that second person in the room with you is more important. Pardon me, I had a rotator cuff surgery and my wife, I kept saying, oh, my shoulder hurt, hurt, hurt and I had to go to the doctor with me. So the doctor told me to take the MRIs and this CAT scans and all these things and I was like what did me take all this crap for? For shoulder pain? But they had to do it to find out. I had a micro tear in my cup and that's what was causing the pain. But again then I had got into the hospital for the COVID stuff blood clots in both lungs. Now my wife was getting ready. I was getting up, going to work. That morning she came out she was going somewhere and I swung my car door open. Whoa, where you going. Why you do that? For Because I can't breathe. You need to go to the doctor. So you got to have your spouse going to the doctor with you sometime.

Speaker 2: 20:25

I ain't saying all the time, but if you got a health condition going on, you need your better half there to speak on your behalf Because, like I said, they will speak to your better half Because they, like you, know this is what society is based on man and woman. You know your wife. Well, it may be woman and woman now, or man and woman. You know your wife, well, it may be woman and woman now, or man and man, but your spouse got to be in there with you sometime to see what's actually going on with your health. Now I let her go sometime. I don't want my wife going to the doctor with me all the time. I think I'm big enough or man enough to go in here and know what the doctor is telling me, and I'll come back and tell her. But she don't need to go to every appointment with me and I don't go to every appointment with her. But if it's some serious stuff going on oh, I'm going, you can't tell me don't go, I'm coming with you, and vice versa.

Speaker 1: 21:22

I thank you so much for that. You know, and you're right A lot of times and sometimes you'll tell me I don't need you to go home, okay. Or you'll go and I have no idea you went, until you come home and you say I went to the doctor. And this is what they tell me. And I'm going to be honest, ladies, sometimes I get truly upset with him, cause I'm like why didn't you tell me he was going to the doctor? I would have went with you. And I have to stop.

Speaker 1: 21:46

I had to learn how to stop myself and brace myself and say okay, our marriage we've been 30 years in our marriage is dependent on trust and faith in one another, that we're going to speak up. And if we come across a patient experience that's not to our liking because I've been in a hospital before and he was truly upset with the care that I was receiving he didn't stop at the nurse's station, he called the head of the hospital and told the head of the hospital if you don't get in there to check on my wife, I'm going to place some serious complaints. You don't get in there to check on my wife, I'm going to place some serious complaints. So you know the patient experience and ensuring that both of us have a great patient experience. It lies on the both of us. But so that's why sometimes I get upset and I do. I truly get you know why you ain't tell me. I would have told you, but then I had to realize I can't do that all the time. I have to let him do his part in being, you know, the husband playing that patient experience role out. When he, as a husband, playing that patient experience role out, as the man who's the lead, who should be and is in our family, who is the head of our family, letting him do that head role by taking care of himself as well as everyone else in the family, and then, as a doting stepdad, he does it all, he plays those roles and he plays them well.

Speaker 1: 23:14

So during this Men's Health Month, before we close out, I just want to actually once again remind all of you be kind always, especially during Men's Health Month, if you have a man in your family who, whether it's your husband, whether it's your brother, whether it's your son, whether it's a nephew, a friend, whoever it is, that's a man and you know that they need to seek medical attention, talk to them about seeking that medical attention, but don't be overbearing or burdensome by saying you got to do this and you need to do this and you need to do that. Have that open conversation with them and ask them hey, you're not feeling well, have you thought about going to the doctor? What's keeping you from going to the doctor, giving them that attention that they need, because that extra stress level to their lives it never has, especially with us. It's never amounted to him saying I really liked that doctor, that doctor, you know what I had. You know I ain't no problem going to see that doctor, that you're making that patient experience better. But if he's already going in there, stressed because he's not feeling well, and we're riding him because he's not going to the doctor, instead of actually having that open conversation to get him to see that he needs to go to the doctor, instead of actually having that open conversation to get him to see that he needs to go to the doctor, it doesn't work.

Speaker 1: 24:49

So be kind to our men, be kind, lend that ear, lend that sympathy, push them, but push them gently, not overburden some and, like I said, adding another layer of stress to their already intensive lives. Let's be kind and be kind. Being kind is free. I say that every week. Being kind is free Can't stop being kind. And it truly, truly matters when you're kind to a man, especially when they're sick or ill or just really not feeling well. Being kind to a man truly makes a difference and we'll have healthier men and we'll have our men for a long, long time.

Speaker 1: 25:33

And, ladies, we can't live. You know what? And I'm saying men, in whatever man role is being played, we can't do without them. I mean, we could try, but we can't do without them, just like they can't do without us. So, during this Men's Health Month, let's encourage by speaking life, let's encourage by being kind, let's encourage by not pounding, pounding, pounding what we want them to do. Let them do what they think that they need to do, knowing that, on the other end of that, what they think they need to do is not leading up to good patient experience for them and them going to the doctor and them doing whatever the doctor asks them to do. If it's not leading up, they know that they have you, their fallback person, that they can come to and have a conversation with and help them figure out exactly where they should be. So, once again during men's month, please be kind to our men, thank you. Thank you, honey, for having this conversation with me today. I truly appreciate it and I'm so glad that we've gotten over the bumps and the hurdles with this first discussion on our new platform. I'm very, very happy and glad that we did and hopefully we'll have even more conversations.

Speaker 1: 26:54

I'm looking forward to our next live broadcast and podcast, which will be on June, friday, june 13th.

Speaker 1: 27:04

We will have Welcome to Fatherhood and they will be coming to us, and they will be on June, friday, june 13th. We will have Welcome to Fatherhood and they will be coming to us and they will be talking about what do you do as a new dad? What do you do if you have a dad in your family, a dad, and you come into a situation where you're becoming a stepdad or you're becoming an adopted dad? What are some of the trips or some of the tips? I should say some of the tips, some of the rules, some of the everything that you can overcome if you have a support group around you or a network around you that you can actually go to and talk to, to figure life out. With that being said, I'm going to go ahead and end today's conversation. Thank you so much, everyone, for once again helping us get through this evening. Love you all and we will look forward to speaking with you or sharing our information with you on Friday, june 13th. The scheduled time is 12 pm CST.

Speaker 2: 28:09

Thanks everyone, have a good night, good night.