MediHelpz Live w/Sandra L Washington
This podcast dives deep into the heart of healthcare through the eyes of patients.
Each episode, we explore the multifaceted experiences of individuals navigating the medical system.
Expert guests will include doctors, nurses, and mental health professionals.
The information shared on this podcast does not replace medical infomation provide by your clincian.
MediHelpz Live w/Sandra L Washington
The Father Effect: How Male Presence Shapes Children's Lives
What does it truly mean to be present as a father? How can male role models shape a child's future when biological fathers aren't consistently available? These questions form the heart of our powerful conversation with Sir Royce Briales from Welcome to Fatherhood.
Founded to support fathers across all stages of life, Welcome to Fatherhood has expanded from its Chicago roots to connect with dads nationwide through symposiums, podcasts, and community building. Sir Royce Briales shares the organization's mission of creating stronger father-child bonds while also building bridges between parents to create healthier environments for children.
Through personal stories, Sir Royce Briales reveals how his own father's social abilities and grandfather's work ethic provided foundations for his development, even as his father later struggled with addiction. When his traditional fatherhood faltered, his uncle—who transformed from "street guy" to minister—stepped in as a crucial male figure, demonstrating how positive male influences can guide young men through challenging transitions.
The conversation takes an inspiring turn as Sir Royce Briales discusses the 37-year friendship with his business partner that eventually led to creating Welcome to Fatherhood. Their enduring relationship illustrates how male friendships provide accountability, growth opportunities, and support systems that ultimately benefit children across generations.
For fathers seeking practical guidance, Sir Royce Briales offers two powerful directives: "Be present" and "Show love." Being present means engaging fully with children's activities rather than merely occupying the same space. Expressing love requires both actions and words—understanding a child's unique love language while not hesitating to say "I love you" directly. These seemingly simple practices have profound impacts on children's development and future relationships.
Whether you're a new father, experienced dad, or someone supporting fathers in your community, this episode provides valuable insights into creating the meaningful connections children need to thrive. Subscribe now to join our ongoing exploration of what true fatherhood means in today's world.
Thank you. Thank you, good day everyone and thank you so much for joining in today's very special session. Today we have both of our gentlemen from Welcome to Fatherhood. We're having some additional technical problems right now, but we're going to go ahead and get started and hopefully we will soon be able to join Dr Rahim into this studio with us today. I'm not sure what's going on, but I'm not one that believes in stopping anything, so we will go ahead and go on and prayerfully I said hopefully I'm going to change that to prayerfully Prayerfully he will be able to come on. Dr Servois, are you able to hear me?
Speaker 2:Yes, loud and clear, Can you hear me?
Speaker 1:Okay, I can hear you, so are you okay with us proceeding on?
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 1:All right, thank you so much and, first and foremost, before we get started, I do want to say to you thank you so very much for joining in this session. I appreciate you. I also want to start off by saying happy Father's Day. You know, I had to laugh yesterday because I saw a sign that came across my Facebook post that said happy Father's Day, happy Father's Week, and I was like you know what this is so right, mother's Week. We always say happy Mother's Week, like we give us a whole week.
Speaker 2:Right, we need a week. We always say happy mother's week, like we give us a whole week. Right, we need a week too.
Speaker 1:Come on now, as much as they do need a week as well, and you're so correct in saying that they, they most definitely you guys most definitely deserve a week. So happy father's week, even though we only have like three more days, right? Oh?
Speaker 2:yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and get started. I am going to ask you. I sent you some questions, but one question that I did forget to ask you is if you could please tell us what Welcome to Fatherhood, what the nonprofit foundation does, where it's located and who you actually service.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So Welcome to Fatherhood was created to help dads of all ages and all stages cope with the pressures and the stresses of being dads. When we first started it we had the idea to help younger dads, but the more we did the work, the more we saw that pretty much all dads need support. So we've been pretty much steady helping all the way from dads to granddads. And we were based in Chicago, so our base is in the Austin like Oak Park area, but we we service dads everywhere all across the nation. We've we've had dads we've connected with from North Carolina all the way to California.
Speaker 1:And now is it just dads that you service? Is it sometimes that you allow us women to come into your conversations, that you host?
Speaker 2:yeah, that's a good question. So, yeah, we, we do invite moms into the calls that we have. We have uh symposiums that we do. We do twice a month, on the first and third thursday of every month, and we uh design topics to kind of, you know, get dads to open up and talk, and, uh, we do invite moms onto the calls too. So we feel that you, we need to build that bridge between the mom and the dad to have a stronger bond, which will also help raise stronger and healthier kids.
Speaker 1:All right and I thank you so much for that information. And are you? How can people find you Like? Are you on Instagram? Are you on Facebook? Where, exactly as far as social media, are you located at?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we're pretty much all over. We have, you know, Instagram account, LinkedIn, Facebook. We're on Twitter, but we're not really active on Twitter, but you can find us there too. Also, we have a podcast that we do. It's called Welcome to Fatherhood Interviews. You can find that on YouTube.
Speaker 1:Okay, thank you so much for that. Now I'm going to go ahead and dive into the questions that I do have, that I prepared for you, that I actually asked you to look at, and we're going to start off with the first question. What were some of the key lessons about being a man or a father that you learned from your father or from other role models as you was growing up.
Speaker 2:I think for me seeing my dad, you know, be like a social butterfly. He always was able to talk to people, able even uh talk to strangers and make it seem like he knew him for 20 years. So uh being able to be sociable uh has helped me uh in regards to networking and communicating with different people. In regards to fatherhood, uh and my grandfather was a hard worker, so he was a police officer for over 30 years. So, seeing his work ethic, it was really foundational for me to see what he did growing up.
Speaker 1:All right, Thank you for that. And how did your father demonstrate love and care? I know you said that he always spoke up and he was always there. He was compassionate, but in what? Can you give us some examples of what you saw and he was like? When I grow up, I'm going to be just like my dad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think the quality time he spent with us because my mom and my dad ended up getting separated. They never got divorced, but they got separated when I was a teenager. But before that he was for the most part present in the home. He was a handyman too, so he always was able to fix things. So he always would be asking me to pass him the hammer, pass him the screwdriver. So you know he showed me his handyman side.
Speaker 1:So he was there, he was present when he was around until they got separated okay, and so after they separated you, did you guys still have like a really close relationship, like once they were separated, were?
Speaker 2:you still really close not exactly, because, um, my dad had a issue with drugs so he ended up going into rehab and after that it was pretty much touch and go. Uh, so we, we kind of separated from each other. We would, would you know, go visit him from time to time, but you know, after they got separated it wasn't really ever the same as far as us like constantly being with him or even communicating with him sometimes. We missed that once they got separated.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow you know, and you bring up a really important point and that's this you know, even though you know, when you were with him, he, even though you know and I'm not sure if he was on drugs, when he was a family man, like when he was constantly there but he still took care of, took time until he couldn't any longer. Because, you know, in my opinion and I could be wrong about this, but in my opinion the drugs took over, but up until the point where he was like under control with the drugs, he was like there and he would take you guys places and show you things and try to just be a family man until life got too you know, too much in the way for him. Is that true or am I like, off course?
Speaker 2:No, that's spot on. Yeah, that was the, uh, the hardest part, like seeing him go through you know the, the change from you know being there consistently to you know kind of faltering and losing his way a little bit. But um, I was blessed, like before he passed he I actually came around and he was around us a lot more um, so we, I got a chance to spend some more time with him and get connected with him again before he passed away. I was just had turned 21 when he died. I got a chance to really spend some time with him.
Speaker 1:That was good. It was Whenever you could spend time with your dad. I have to say this I know you're very, very frequently on Facebook, whenever you could spend time with your dad. You know. I have to say this I know you know you're very, very frequently on Facebook and you ask us some really interesting questions, and I'm so glad that one of the questions you asked was you know, what memory do you have of your dad? Right, my dad died when I was a toddler. I think I was maybe four or five when my dad passed away, and so I really can't answer that question.
Speaker 1:But to see the questions on there, you know, that are being asked on there, and some of the answers that are being asked on there, I'm like I'm hoping, while they're thinking about the difficult things and you know, maybe dad isn't there that if their dad is still alive, that they're still trying to relish in that thought that he is still here so you could still do what. I know sometimes you can't, and I know sometimes it's hard to connect with a father that wasn't there in your life or didn't do things, but he's still a parent and some of us don't have that parent figure because they're deceased or whatever, in prison or whatever, wherever else they might be. So we don't have that parent figure because they're, you know, deceased or whatever, in prison or whatever, wherever else they might be. So we don't have a chance to actually reach out and touch. But, if we can, I encourage everyone to reach out and touch your dad because he is your parent and, yes, he may have done some wrong but once again, he is a parent. Go ahead.
Speaker 2:No, go ahead. I was about to say say I agree with you definitely, uh, take advantage of your dad or being being around your dad while you can, because it's not guaranteed that you'll have it today or tomorrow right.
Speaker 1:Well, and that's what both parents. But since we're talking about fathers, I do want to, you know, focus specifically on dads, because a lot of times, like I said earlier, you know, hey, that was my happy father's week and I, I was like, oh, you know what, that is right. Like we haven't said happy father's week the same way we say happy mother's week. Right, we'll celebrate mother's week and we celebrate mother's every day, all day, but we still, during that week in May, we still make sure that we put it out there Like this is mother's day, it's mother's week, and we don't do the same thing for dads.
Speaker 1:And some people listening might say, well, they don't deserve to have the same thing. That's true, but for those of us that do have dads or husbands or brothers or sons in our families, that do step up and above, like Sir Royce and like Dr Rahim, who would have been here only due to some technical issues, it doesn't look like we're going to be able to add him today, but there are guys that are stepping up, and not only are they stepping up, they're showing up when they step up. So, ladies, you know, I'm going to start something. Y'all hold me to the fire. Next year we're going to have a men's week, just like we have a women's week.
Speaker 1:There you go, the fire Next year we're going to have a men's week, just like we have a women's week. Let me know, hey. Sam we're going to have a men's week. Where is it I'm going to?
Speaker 2:hold you to that, Sandra. I'm going to hold you to that. What important were male role models.
Speaker 1:Like you said, your dad wasn't around once you became a teenager. How important were other male role models in? You said your dad wasn't around once you became a teenager? How? How important were other male role models in your life and in what ways did they influence you?
Speaker 2:uh, very important. I would say, uh, my uncle, uh, he's an ordained minister, uh, he was actually becoming a minister during that time when he, when my dad was, you know, going through his issues. So, um, he was really important because he, you know, he took me under his wing, um, you know, in a lot of ways and he kind of, you know, uh, took me to church. That got me around some positive people and just seeing him going from where he was because he was more of a a street guy, you know, when I was a kid growing up, he was in the streets but he went from that to uh, uh went to a totally different direction and becoming a pastor or a minister and, um, that showed me a lot that you can really, like, you know, change your life around and, um, he was a really positive influence for me growing up.
Speaker 1:And you know, and what I do want to say cause I do hope Dr Rahim is at least listening to us what I do want to say is I remember when I first met you I met you through LinkedIn and I found out you guys were in Chicago, so you're actually in the suburb of Chicago. But I was like, oh, they're right here with me. I'm going to actually reach out to them. But I remember actually asking you a question and you told me, like you know what. It just so happened.
Speaker 1:This is a period in my life that I was going through and I was literally like struggling, like, okay, how do I do this? I'm gonna be a come, a dad, how do I do this? And you reached out to dr rahim and dr rahim and you told dr rahim what you wanted to do and dr rahim was like, let's do it. And you guys got it done. And then you know, and seeing the two of you and knowing that, to get them to know the two of you, and seeing the two of you in person, I'm like, wow, they really gel well together. So can you give our listening audience some tips on how you build that relationship with someone that you're looking for a mentor, perhaps as a man, and you need someone that you can trust or that you know thinking along the same lines as you. Can you just give us some pointers and some tips on how you and Dr Rahim's relationship became as strong as it currently is?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I've known this guy for how many years it's been? 37 years now. Yeah, we were five years old when we met, so I met him in kindergarten, yeah, and we grew up together, went through grade school together.
Speaker 2:We had some of the same teachers going up through grade school, even through high school, and we always stayed close, even after we graduated. He went to college and we stayed close and we eventually started doing real estate and I think it was 2005. But then the real estate bubble happened and we couldn't do real estate. No, we stopped, we pivoted and we went a couple of years without really doing anything entrepreneurial, you know but we eventually decided this was 2015. We eventually decided this was 2015.
Speaker 2:My wife at the time she was pregnant and she said she was expecting my first son and we were meeting to talk about different business ideas, like what can we do to start a business? And the conversation always switched towards what to expect as a dad, as a new dad, and Dr Rahim he was already a dad, so he had experience already. So I was kind of asking him about different things, like how many times you wake up in the middle of the night, you know how many diapers you had to change, you know that kind of stuff. And um, that's when the light bulb clicked for both of us. Like man, why don't we do something for dads, for fathers.
Speaker 2:And, um, literally that night I went home and the name for the business hit me like Welcome to Fatherhood WTF, like the double entendre, and I kind of laughed to myself. Then I text him like hey, man, I got the name for it, you know, welcome to Fatherhood. And we kind of laughed about it. And really shortly after that, maybe like a month after that, we got incorporated and then we started doing the work. Shortly after that, like I said, over 30 years we go way back.
Speaker 1:You know what, and that's simply. You know. It's not all shocking, but it's simply amazing that you two have been friends for that long. Sometimes in life you come across people that you know you might make friends with, but then you never see them again or you never talk to them again, and then, maybe 10 years down the line, you run into each other, and that's the way life is. But then there are those in our lives that we met 37, 40 years ago and they become more than a friend, they become family. Right, you know, we, we know each other so very well that we the jail is just there and it becomes an inborn and outborn family.
Speaker 1:That's one of that, and from that, like you said, dr Rahim, I already had children, but from that.
Speaker 1:So then your children benefit, right, yeah, because they get a chance to know each other and they get a chance to monitor each other and mentor each other, and so the kids then have someone that they can turn to and say hey, I need help with this, you know, and it's good for especially our little girls that don't have men in their family. If they're, you know, if there's someone there that they close to, that they can touch, that they can speak to. It helps a lot, because then they have that male figure and the same thing with the men. If the children are involved and they're of both sexes, then both get to actually enjoy each other and learn from each other and grow, and so that 37 years, 47, 57 years and so forth because then you have grandchildren that you add into that mix and so that community of two continues to grow I think that's awesome. 37 years, wow. You two have been friends longer than me and my husband have been married.
Speaker 2:How many years for you two?
Speaker 1:It'll be 30 years on, july 16th.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow, yeah.
Speaker 1:Y'all got to speak about seven years. And, it's funny, another couple last week and they've been married. The husband was telling me we've been married for 45 years. So I was like, well, we're going to try to catch y'all. He was like the only way you're going to try to catch us is if we ain't on earth, no more. That's the only way you got 30 in the 45 and we ain't here, no more than we, you know, then you could have a chance to get the 45.
Speaker 2:So I have that's the only chance, right?
Speaker 1:that's funny my hand would just have to disappear off the earth for us to say, okay, well, we've been married longer than they was friends. Um, this is that's just how life is. It's just funny like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then, what are two words of advice that you can leave to our young men on the importance of being great dads?
Speaker 2:Two words Be present. So work on mindfulness, because when you're with your kids, that's really the only time that really matters, because they're only kids for a certain amount of time. Like my oldest is already. He's about to be 14 this year and the time is flying Like I can't. I can't even think about, like you know where the last you know 12, 13 years have gone, you know. But my main thing that I would say to dads listening is be present. Find a way to be present. Not just like have your kids turn on a video game and you walk out the room. Like actually sit there with them, maybe play the game with them If they're on the tablet, go sit down with them and look at what they're watching and get involved with what they're doing. Like, really be present with your kids, because you only got a certain amount of time to be there with them as a kid, so enjoy that time.
Speaker 1:Okay, so being present is one, and I'm glad you said be present, and I'm glad you explained a little bit, went into detail in reference to what being present is. Being present doesn't just mean you know showing up whenever you feel like showing up. It does, in fact, mean you know prioritizing your life, and I'm with you. Kids are only kids for so long, and then they become adults. Well, kids are kids right Before they become adults. Kids are kids and then they become adults. Well, kids are kids right Before they become adults. Kids are kids and then they become teens, and then that's a whole new spectrum that you're dealing with. When they become teens, because they're entering into a new realm of life.
Speaker 1:And guess what? So are you as a parent, because now you're a parent of a teen, and so sometimes you're like, okay, well, I'm going to actually, you know, tell you some things, or I'm going to actually do some things with you, right, but you don't get a chance because when you go to sleep and wake up, I'm in there, an adult, and they're answering adulthood. So here you missed a chance of being present for them when they were babies because you were doing whatever it is that you wanted to do and sometimes it didn't involve your children. Then they became teens and you got the two just clash because they're going through their teen thing. So of course they want to you know, either man up or woman up and show you that they don't really need you, even though they do, but they don't really need you and they want to do life the way they want to do life. But you're like, but you're not ready to do life like that yet. So you as a parent become overwhelming because you're like I'm just trying to tell them something and then you throw your hands up in the air Right and say I don't have nothing to do with them, because they're not listening. They're hard headed Right.
Speaker 1:And our black children, especially our black males, as they become teens they don't realize it, but they're put into a whole new system, societal system. They're put into and it's not fair. But life isn't fair, right? So you as a dad, if you have a teenager, please try to make that time. Prioritization means that you make your children first, because they're not going to be children always. And when they stop being children and they stop being teens and they become adults, then a lot of times not all the time, but a lot of times you get the chance to do those things that you've been wanting to do all your life.
Speaker 1:Right, but making the decision to become a father is a decision that you have to live with, for and you should be living with and I know that I'm preaching to the choir because that's something that you're doing but I'm hoping that, having this conversation between you and I, that we reach those that are not doing what they're supposed to be doing, that are just you know, I'll get with them when I get with them, or for whatever reason you know. And, ladies, let's stop using our children as bait. Let's stop using our children as an intermediary. You don't do this, I'm not going to do that, because in the end, it winds up hurting that child more so than you would believe. It hurts them to know that they were used as a central focus of you trying to get over or you trying to do anything with the man.
Speaker 1:Let the man, if they want to be, let them be the dads that they can be, so that our children grow up, especially our African-American children and our Latino children, especially so that they can grow up understanding how society works for them, because without it, when they become adults. Guess what A lot of times they're lost by men, and we can't afford to lose our children like that. So I thank you for saying being present and actually introducing what being present means. And now, is there any? Can you give us another tip or another word that you can leave the man with?
Speaker 2:I say, uh, love show uh, show love and uh say I love you. I actually say love, show love and say I love you, like actually say it. A lot of times we just kind of go through the motions as parents and we kind of miss out on just the little things. As far as just saying I love you, it makes a big difference in a child's development to know that they're loved. And what I mean by show love, I mean like I'm not sure if you're familiar with the five love languages, but like the kids have love languages too when it comes to acts of service, gifts, physical touch. Did I say words of affirmation already? Words of affirmation? I always miss one of them. Yeah, it's good to find out what your kids' love languages are so you can fill up their buckets. You know, because you know. You need to know what makes your kids tick in that way so you can show them love better. So I would say my next word if I had to pick a word, I would say love.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and thank you for saying that. You know, saying it and showing love to our children is extremely important. That we do both. You know we can say, you know we can do it and say, well, I did it because I love you. But using those three letters and talking those three letters to our children every day especially men with your children I don't care whether you have girls or boys making sure that they understand that, yes, they are loved, showing them and telling them, yes, they are loved, as much as you possibly can, because, once again, we have our children, their babies.
Speaker 1:They become adolescents, they become adults, and imagine going through life and not hearing a word from your dad hey, I love you. You know, imagine, just imagine. And so then, when they get into a female, you know, and they get into a relationship, whether it's with a female or whether it was another male, they get into a relationship, and they've never heard those words. A lot of times they're taken advantage of because those words have never been spoken to them, and so they really don't understand what it is to know love, and so they're thinking that whatever someone gives to them, that's love, but it's not. They don't know that, though, because they've never been shown and they've never been told that, hey, I love you. So I appreciate you saying those words. I appreciate you spending time today with us, especially because we have father's day on Sunday, so especially because you took the time out of your busy schedule to come to us before father's Day, before guys, you know, if you're thinking about having children, make sure you're sitting down and you're understanding what it means to be a father.
Speaker 1:Being a father means more than putting your name on the birth certificate. Being a father means more than just showing up whenever you feel like it's okay for you to show up. Our kids need love and if you're with someone and you're, you know you're thinking about having children. Sit down and have that conversation with that other person. You know, if we have these children, what's going to happen if we break up. Will we have a strong relationship? Will I have a support network around me to help me, to support me, to continue to be in my child's life?
Speaker 1:And if your answer is, well, no and you still have some questions, please reach out to the Surveys, browse or welcometoffatherhoodorg or Dr Raheem Young so that they can get you the help that you need and assistance and support that you need so that bringing a baby into this world doesn't stop with the baby being born, but it continues throughout the baby's life. So thank you, dr Surboys. I certainly appreciate you for being with me today and enjoying this conversation. Have the rest of a great day, a beautiful weekend and, once again, happy Father's Day.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1:Thank you, happy Father's.
Speaker 2:Day everybody.
Speaker 1:Bye.