Journals, Nov 2020

Today we’d like to show you something different.  The part this journey that was never really meant for anyone else, but will be today.  We’re going to open the pages of Mateo’s Journals so that he can share a different voice of his with you.

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Transcript

Lucas: 0:00

Hello, everybody. My name is Lucas. In November 2020, my brother Mateo contracted COVID-19 like so many of us did. But unlike most of us, he hasn't yet recovered. Mateo is now what is known as a COVID long hauler, a title given to those whose COVID symptoms last more than three months. So... Yeah. In all this time, he's been documenting his ups, downs, victories, and setbacks through journals, medical records, and love letters to you, the listener. And if he's come to one conclusion, it is that COVID is stupid. Welcome back, everyone. Or if this is your first time clicking the link, Thanks for joining us. This will not be a normal episode of COVID is Stupid. And for that reason, I'd really like you to stay. All of you. The long haulers who see yourselves in these episodes. The long haulers who don't. The curious, the unfamiliar, the high school friends, the lurkers, and for sure, the skeptics. So much of what we've shared so far has admittedly been the product of two brothers who have carefully and consciously built a reputation of being, well, let's just say, presentational. My whole life, Mateo's relentless theatrics and extroversion were absolutely the tools and heavy machinery that built the path for my own. And whether you've known Mateo for years or have only recently been acquainted, this is not news to you, I'm sure. But today, We'd like to show you something different. The part of this journey that was never really meant for anyone else, but will be today. We're going to open the pages of Mateo's journals so that he can share a voice with you that isn't woven together with care. A voice that isn't looking you in the eye and telling you that you can do it. A voice that doesn't know what's next. So in this episode, you're going to hear the strain in his body. Those pauses and stutters that come with brain fog and really bad handwriting. And those surreal moments of a guy who has been through a lot and is now, in a way, kind of reliving it. Even if he doesn't remember it at all. You don't have to know anything or have an opinion about COVID or the pandemic, long haulers, or Mateo for this. You just have to be here and listen. And we're happy you are. Here's my big brother Mateo and his journal.

Mateo: 3:00

Personal journal. November 2020. It's 11-11. Make a wish. I have COVID. That was not my wish. But somehow Mary and Lily do not. so perhaps my wish is granted after all. I'm isolating in the basement or the guest room. I wear masks to go to and from my bathroom. Those two are home for 14 days past my 10-day deal, so home until December at least. In work news... I seem to have convinced the powers that be to keep people home for a while. One person per department at the office, the rest of us at home. Take that as a win. On COVID news, I want to get on anxiety meds. My mind has been changed. So I called my doctor. I'm also asking about stuff I can do at home to keep my health up. We do have two nebulizers. I wonder if that would help. I feel like someone's sitting on my chest. My eyes hurt. So much pressure behind my eyes. I still have sense of taste and smell. That's good. Coughing is less frequent, but more severe and painful when I do. The chills are bad. I'm cold. Really cold. Sunday, November 15, 4.15 p.m. But really, time has lost all meaning. I've been in lockdown since Tuesday, in this room since Wednesday when I was too tired to work. This has been miserable. But I have made some improvements. My eyes no longer feel as though they'd be better served outside my skull. I got codeine cough syrup. It gives me some relief from the coughing, affording me some much-needed rest. I don't have pneumonia. Went to urgent care yesterday and the x-rays told me so. Got the anxiety meds and those combined with the fact that I've met the thing in the darkness I was so anxious about avoiding means my anxiety levels have gone way down. If I hadn't been on the happy pills, I doubt I would have been able to go to urgent care in the first place. Only had one panic attack while I was there. Best of all, Mary and Lily, still not sick. They get tested again tomorrow, but they say they feel okay, considering. Now the not great stuff. Coughing. So much coughing. Even with 600 milligrams per day of Tessalon pearls, codeine cough syrup, nebulizer, two inhalers, Z-Pak, steroids, essential oil diffuser, and every elderberry deal that Mary can send me. So much coughing. Painful coughing. My ribs and my torso ache from the coughing. I'm tired. Coughing takes a lot of energy. Fortunately, the absence of panic attacks has helped a fair amount here. I have more energy than I did, but I still have to sit down or fall down. Oh, and something called COVID lung. Don't have pneumonia. That's good. My airways are inflamed and swollen. Do have bronchitis. That's bad. Doctor said another five to ten days of this. And then I get to start recovering. Hooray! I guess. Worried about Mary and Lily getting it. Mary gets sick. I know I wouldn't be as capable a caregiver as she's been. Food, medicine, water, just left outside my door. When I catch her outside, I'll knock and say, do you want to build a snowman? Because I think I'm funny. I still do. I've been watching a lot of gold prospecting videos. People outside panning for gold. Not sure why. Calming, I guess. Schools closed today, transitioning to a full required remote learning. Too many kids and staff out due to COVID. This is where we are. Not a great place to be. November 16, 6 p.m. This sucks. I feel miserable. My sides are so sore from coughing. I'm tired from coughing. I cough until I'm on the verge of vomiting. It's gross. My ears ring now. Fun. My appetite is zilch, but I have to eat. This I know. But I'm getting sick of soup. Mary said I was losing weight last week. I wonder how I'll look now. But I have to keep my mask on. I'm growing a surprise mustache for her. It's gross. She's going to hate it. I remember that. Oh, that mustache was so gross. All right. Back at it. 11-17. Mary said she bought a Christmas tree and set it up in the living room. I haven't been downstairs in a week, so I'm taking a word on this. Actually, she's my link to the outside world, so she can tell me whatever. I'm just glad she's safe and healthy. I'm so tired. Of coughing. Of being sick. Of work. Of COVID. Of coughing. Of coughing. Of coughing. So much coughing. I just want to hug my family.

Lucas: 11:34

I don't really know if this is okay to say, but that was not an easy listen. You know, if you open your date book or iCalendar or photo stream or Instagram feed, and go all the way back to November of 2020, I think you're going to find that that seems like forever ago. Goddamn. Well, if you're still here, then I trust that you're going to want to be here again. So why not make it easy? Look, for COVID is stupid anywhere your podcasts are available. And that's stupid with two O's, not a U. And same with YouTube, Instagram, Facebook. Like it, subscribe it, you know the drill. Just Google COVID is stupid with the two O's and look for that big old mop top that Mateo has on his head. Our email is covidisstupid2020 at gmail.com. And we'd love to read whatever you want to send. Even you haters out there. Let's talk. Really, I'm here, Mateo's here, a lot of people are here to have these conversations. But most of all, just share this with someone, someone who's been there for you, someone who never quite knew how to be there for you, someone you find yourself having to convince. You know someone who could stand to hear this. So let's share it. Because if we were in a bar right now, you know you would cheers me when I said COVID is stupid.