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Carmedy
Episode 12 - Explosive Doodoorhea
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Dave talks about the Heatwave tour, Marvel and the explosive diarrhea story that’s sweeping the nation.
Thank you for listening Carmedians!
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@davethompsoncomedy
@carmedypodcast
@iecomedy
@heatwavecomedytour
What's up everyone? Welcome to the Carmody Podcast where Comedy Meets Yourslash Mike Commute. I am your host, Dave Thompson, and my goodness, welcome to episode 12, which is actually episode 23, but it's it's technically episode 12. And my goodness, do we have things to talk about? We certainly do. First and foremost, here in a couple minutes, you're gonna hear a pause, and that pause is gonna be because I'm going to devour an in and out meal for breakfast.
unknownOkay?
SPEAKER_01Anybody else? You just kind of have to sleep in to catch up on sleep and get ready for this new week. And then you just kind of gotta just eat eat in and out because it's already 10:30. Did you guys know In N Out opens at 10:30? Because they do. Is 1030 considered breakfast? Let's talk about this. Do people still eat breakfast at 10:30? Because most places, like fast food places and whatnot, they stop serving breakfast at 10.30. So I feel like 10:30 is kind of like it's kind of like early lunchtime. You know what I mean? I don't know what is going on here. I'm trying to freaking get my passenger side bing, bing, bing, freaking put on your seatbelt alarm to stop. But for some reason, it's just not stopping, even though there's nothing in that seat now. There was one receipt in the seat. There was a receipt in the seat. Excuse me. I had to clear my throat. There's a there's nothing in the seat and it's going off. I don't know. This is concerning. It's just concerning to me. Okay, I think I I think I might have figured it out. I just didn't want that in the pod, you know? It's bad enough the AC's in the pod, but it's freaking hot as balls out here, you guys. Are you guys surviving in California right now? It's freaking hot. It's a hot summer, you know what I'm saying? We're in the midst of summer, and it is very freaking hot. Alright, let's get into it. What's up, everybody? Hope y'all are doing well. If this is your first time to the pod, welcome. If this is uh your last time to the pod, I would hate to see you go. But I'm very excited. There's been a lot of really cool things happening in comedy in my life. Uh, a lot of really cool things happening in the scene. Um in my life, uh, this Heat Wave comedy tour is going amazing. We had one hiccup with a venue, which one day I will fully disclose what happened and how it went down. But basically, there was a little bit of a miscommunication uh about some things that were happening at the venue, and so the venue decided that they needed to choose between a comedy show and a musical artist, and they chose the musical artist over our show, and so it's you know, it is what it is, it's what it is. Yeah, I'm very appreciative for how many shows that they've allowed me to put on, and I'm respectful, I'm a respectful human being, you know. But besides that, one hiccup, the shows have been amazing. Uh, so many people have come out uh to see our shows, they've been hilarious shows. The audience, high laughs, uh, a lot of people following on Instagram afterward, uh, reaching out to different comics and and posting pictures of them and saying which one's their favorite and all that. And it's it's so cool to see, like, when you're on a tour with your friends, like if one of your friends has a really great set, and then afterward you see them reposting pictures from people in the audience that were like, Oh my gosh, I loved I loved the uh your set and you were so funny, I think you were the funny. Like, it's so cool to see that happening. It's really cool to be able to root for for other people you got around you. So if you don't have anybody around you that you can root for, I suggest you get some people around you you can root for. Surround yourself with very funny people so that not only you could become funnier, but so you could celebrate the successes of their funny. I think that's great. Little water break. Um, next week, or not next week, this week, we are gonna be in Palm Desert at Coachella Valley Brewing, and in just over two weeks, we are gonna be in my hometown of Yukaipa at the biggest brewery we have here in town, which is Brew Kaipa, and I'm very excited for the show. I I would love to have a hundred people at this show. My goal is 100 people, that would be the bee's knees if I could get a hundred people out to see this show. Uh, I have a little social media plan of videos that I'm gonna be posting uh on Instagram, TikTok uh about Yukaipa. So I'm gonna go to different places in Yukaipa that people in Yukaipa would know about and kind of talk about them, joke about them. You know, like everybody in Yukaipa is pissed about roundabouts. They freaking hate the roundabouts, they're so controversial, the amount of roundabouts we have. And so I'm gonna do a video from the roundabouts. We just got a brand new sign that the city paid like a ton of money for. What that says uh Yukaipa, home of the first Stater Brothers. So it's like we're freaking branded by Stater Brothers. Like, hey, you should know us because Stater Brothers knows us. It's just like okay, I guess. Um, and a couple other just like local places. Uh, and so I have like a two-week social media plan. Uh, we have a lot of reservations already for people that are gonna pull up. I think it's like over 40 reservations now. So I'm very hopeful, I'm very excited that I I would love to have a hundred people. That would be my goal. So we'll see. We'll see what happens. You know, you never you never know what's gonna happen. But uh yeah, the tour's been going great. I I couldn't have asked for a better lineup of people, of friends, I couldn't ask for a better uh group of audiences. I mean, the last show we did at Above the Iron Comedy Club was far and beyond uh expectation. You know, you have rooms that are you know small little rooms, and then maybe you don't even fill it all the way out, but I mean the the groups of this group of people that was there on Saturday, they were laughing at everything. They were so down to have a good time, they were so freaking supportive, and it's just like look, even if I have 10 or 15 people in a room, it's like oh bum, like I didn't sell it out, this is a bummer. Like, listen, if those 10 or 15 people freaking support you and laugh, I mean, geez. It feels so good. It literally feels so good to have that. Um I'm debating. Should I get cheese? Or not cheese. I'm definitely getting cheese on my burger. Should I get lettuce on my burger? Should I be worried about the lettuce? I'm freaking. Should I be terrified of getting diarrhea from lettuce right now? These are the questions we need to be asking ourselves right now as Americans. Should we be worried about the lettuce? Should we be worried? This line is long. Good thing I got the pot on. I love that. In and out is like the coolest thing we have here in Yukaipa, though, if I'm being honest. One of the coolest things we have here in our city is In N Out. Uh, okay. Uh, other things coming up. Um, I have more clips getting posted. I've felt like, and I'm just gonna be transparent with you. I don't think it's like a confidence thing. It is, I guess it is like a little bit. It's some sort of mental block that I've had and continue to have sometimes where I get a clip and I and I edit the clip and I add captions to the clip and stuff, and for some reason I just I just don't post them. I feel like sometimes I'm just overwhelmed with the amount of shows maybe that I produce and and just ideas I have in my mind and bits that I'm writing or stuff like I feel like if you give attention to a few things really well, that the outcome is sometimes better, but the problem is there's so many things you have to give your attention to in comedy. You know, first and foremost, you have to give attention to writing. There's new bits that I'm trying to write, and there's older bits that I'm still working on, and then secondly, it's like I have a bunch of shows that I produce. So not only the Heatwave Comedy Tour, but the IE comedy festival coming up, and also there's just like other IE showcases that I produce. There's people that I want to network with, so that's another thing of like, oh, I want to make an effort to get out to someone's show and and network with them and do stuff like that. Um it's it's a lot, it's a lot of things I'm focusing on. You know, it's you know, watching tapes of comedians that are sending tapes to me that want to get booked as a headliner on my show, or you know, whatever the thing may be, catching up with friends, freaking all kinds of stuff. Alright, I'm gonna order real quick. You guys are gonna hear my order, don't judge me.
SPEAKER_00Hi, how are you?
SPEAKER_01Hi, I'm good. How are you? Can I get a number one, please? Uh no, thank you. Can I do a uh lettuce only extra toast?
SPEAKER_00Lettuce only extra toast?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And I don't need to worry about the lettuce, right? It's all good.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01Wonderful. Um can I do a Dr. Pepper?
SPEAKER_00Sure.
SPEAKER_01And that'll be it.
SPEAKER_00Alrighty, so I have a double double, but if there's gonna be lettuce on the Dr. Top of the Far, Friday and a Dr. Pepper.
SPEAKER_01Yep.
SPEAKER_00Alright, let us put in the car?
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Alright, that's gonna be called the first one.
SPEAKER_01Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_00Thanks for everything.
SPEAKER_01You too. I guess she said I don't have to worry about the lettuce, so I guess we're if I if I have explosive diarrhea and I have to cancel the show on Friday, well, frick. No, I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna even think it. Because In N Out is the best. They have Bible verses on the bottom of their stuff. God bless! I would never say that about In N Out. I would never. So, where was I? Where was I? Oh yeah, I just I I'm trying to give the right amount of attention to each thing because I'm still a husband, and I'm still a father, and there's attention that I need to give to my wife that she deserves, and there's attention that I need to give to my kids because they deserve it, and they also need to have me as a role model, they need to have me as uh uh somebody that they know loves and cares about them and and teaches them things and and helps them with things. Like, I need to be around, but I also need to like be writing bits, you know what I'm saying? Am I trying to make this thing work or am I not trying to make this thing work? That's really what it comes down to. Um man, comedy makes life difficult because life should be so simple, but comedy definitely goofs up the simplicity of life. I will say that. Cause man, I would love to just be like, boom, go to work eight hours, ten hours later, come home, boom, spend time with family, wake up, do it again, once in a while, take a vacation. You know, it's so simple, it's so fulfilling, to be honest with you. I mean, having a family is a wonderful thing, but then you do comedy, and it's like, okay, I'm trying to juggle family life and being a husband and being married and making sure my wife knows I love her, and man, it's been a while since I bought my wife flowers. I need to buy my wife flowers. I need to buy my wife flowers, and like you're trying to be a husband, and then you're also trying to be a dad, you don't want your kids thinking that you don't ever want to be around them or that you don't care about them or that you don't love them, and then their their favorite color changes, and you don't know that because you weren't told that, and so then you say something about their favorite color, and they're like, I don't even like that color anymore. If you would if you wouldn't stop if you wouldn't be doing comedy so much, then you'd probably know what my favorite color is. And I'm like, frick, yeah, you're right. Freaking smarty. You smarty, you're so smart. My grandfather on my dad's side, or I'm sorry, on my on my on my mom's side, the the good one, not the psychopath one. Um, he used to say if you ate the smartiest candies that you'd get smart, and you call them smata pills. It's just a little fun fact. Um, yeah, so I'm trying to balance things. Uh I had a few clips that I put out, one of them got like a thousand views, which was great, and then the other one that I put out last or yesterday evening has like almost 3,000. And uh the average watch time on it, it's a 30-second clip. The average watch time on it is 26 seconds, which is insanely high for something that I've posted. I mean, having the average watch time be like almost 90% or 90% is very high for me. Um, so I'm very I'm very proud of that, and I'm glad that I did that. But yeah, I just I gotta figure out the proportions of time that I'm giving to each thing so that it's not like I'm just focusing on social media and I'm not focusing on writing or networking or producing, but I'm also not just all focusing on producing and I'm not focusing on writing or getting better myself. So I gotta give everything kind of like an even distribution. So if you guys are listening and you guys are producers or you guys are are are family people and you've been a comedian for a while and you got some advice, reach out to me. Send me some advice, send me an encouraging note. Send me an encouraging note so that I can be encouraged. Send me send me flowers and then I will give them to my wife. I'm just gonna. No, don't do that. I gotta give my wife flowers. My wife loves Gerbera daisies. You guys know what those are? I didn't either until I got with my wife. I'm like, I don't know what these are, but now I know what they look like. I don't even know how to spell the first word. I don't even know if I said it correctly. I'm like gerber, gerber baby daisies, gerber baby daisies. Gerb Gerbera? Ger Hanna Barbera? Hanna Hanna Gerbera, Hannah Gerbera. I don't freaking know. It's just it's great. I'm still sitting in line. I'm about to pay. This is great. I got myself a new notebook yesterday, which I'm excited about. It's a little tiny notebook that can fit in my pocket. Um, and I love the the lines on it. It has black lines on it instead of the blue lines, and I just I love the way it looks. I don't know why the black, I feel like there's so much gord in the blue. I don't know. Um other things coming up. Uh tonight I'm going to the Irvine Improv. I'm also going to Blarney Stone. If you guys have never been to Blarney, Blarney's in what city is it? It's in Orange County somewhere. Nick Castanola runs this mic, and I I gotta say it's a really great mic. It is it is a bar mic, it can get a little rowdy sometimes, but I I love it. I I feel like it's a great mic. I feel like you know, whenever I go there, like I really get stuff done. Okay, I gotta pay home.
SPEAKER_00All right, good, thank you. That wasn't on me.
SPEAKER_01Mine's a double double lettuce only extra toast, try and a dodge pepper. You're all good. Hold on, guys. Thank you very much. Have a good day. I almost just paid for somebody's three by three, and if I would have paid for somebody's three by three, I would have eaten it. Okay? Did I do I even like all that stuff on there? First of all, can we talk about condiments real quick? My whole life. People have been telling me crap about condiments my whole freaking life. Okay? They're like, oh, you don't like tomato? Oh, you don't like freaking pickles? You don't like freaking pickle ju you don't drink pickle juice out of the freaking jar? No, I don't. Oh, you don't like ketchup, mustard, and mayo? No, I don't. Okay? I don't like that. I don't like it. It's it's it's yucky. It's yucky. I don't no, I don't want that. I want it beef. Because it's a burger. I want freaking beef. Okay? I want freaking beef. And I want cheese. And I guess lettuce, because it's gonna freaking blow out my system and give me diarrhea. So I guess we're gonna have lettuce. Um. But no, I don't want anything else. The only like sauces that I really even like, if I'm being honest with you, is like barbecue sauce, steak sauce, soy sauce, teriyaki sauce. Uh yeah, I'm pretty sure that's about it. I don't like any dressings like salad dressing. I don't like that. I I I when I get a salad at a restaurant, well, right now if I order a salad, I'm gonna do salad and a lettuce. I'm just freaking fill up my bowl with croutons, nerd. Um kind of what I'm doing. I am so scared about this lettuce. I don't know if you guys are scared for me, but I am so scared that this lettuce is gonna absolutely freaking blow out my intestines. Imagine it's like local comedian dies from explosive diarrhea. That's wonderful. Um, but yeah, I'm not not a big fan of condiments, never have been. You know, I'll eat teriyaki on teriyaki chicken, I'll eat freaking soy sauce on white rice. You know, if you get if you get gyoza from from a restaurant, they give you a sauce, it's like calling ponzu sauce or something like that. I don't know if I I might be totally freaking tripping balls right now. So I I do like that sauce though. Whatever that's that sauce that they gave you with that, I do like that. I like that sauce. I've never liked spread, like in and out spread or burger sauce that like Thousand Island stuff. I don't like that. I don't like anything. My wife makes sauce with chicken nuggets and like chip, like it's almost like a cane sauce type thing. I don't like that. I don't like cane sauce. I give her my cane sauce. I don't like any sauce like that. I like barbecue sauce. I love barbecue sauce. I'll go crazy with barbecue sauce. Steak sauce is good. If you guys ever go to five guys, which I shouldn't be talking about five guys in the in and out drive-thru, that's a little it's a little disrespectful to the king, to the king in and out. But if you guys go to five guys, you know you can get anyone's steak sauce on the burgers and it's freaking busting. Did you know that? It's insane. You can also get it, sides of it, to dip your fries in. Have you ever dipped your fries in steak sauce? It's freaking awesome. I love it. You know what I love is if you get a little you get some fries, put a little, put a little cheese on top, melt the cheese, you know, so it's like melted cheese on fries, put a little steak sauce on that thing. You can even you can get a spicy steak sauce. A spicy steak sauce goes crazy. Okay. Now here's the thing. We're gonna talk about some sauce I do like. That's freaking salsa. You give me some picante? Some picante, some paste picante. I love that. I love a little paste picante. I'll eat it medium or hot. Medium's a little better though. I hate how some sauces are just trying to be hot just for the sake of being hot. A hot sauce that's trying to be hot for no reason is like a comedian that's trying to be controversial for no reason. It's like we could have just taken the medium, you know what I'm saying? Like, just do the Hitler one liner and move on. Like, you don't need to make Five minutes worth of Jew and suicide jokes. You know? And if you guys know who I'm talking about, you know who I'm talking about. There's a person that does that. And they and they do that. And um, yeah, it's like, come on, dude, freaking just write a bit instead of just trying to be shocking. You know what I'm saying? Like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna freaking cow myself. I'm gonna cow myself. I swear, I'm gonna cow myself. Chill out. A lot of cool stuff going on in the IE. Thank you guys so much if you're listening, you're local, for tagging me in your shows. I love reposting your shows. Um, tomorrow is the Buddy System. Uh, what do you call it? Uh Scene Builders. Scene Builders Part 2 show at the Ontario Improv. So you guys should definitely check that out. That is definitely the biggest show and thing going on in the IE tomorrow. Uh what else is happening tomorrow? Uh open mics. Uh I don't know if there's any other shows in the IE tomorrow, but so yeah, kind of just the scene builders one. Um, what else is going on with me? Um I hate it when I say um. I just want to punch myself in my esophagus when I say that. So just like that. I hate it when I do it with comedy too. I'm like, why the frick am I saying um so much? And then just Doomsday trailer came out. We gotta talk about it. A lot of people are talking about the accent that Robert Downey Jr. has for the character, but I'm like, you know what? I'm just glad we're getting it. People gotta just chill the frick out. Okay? I think the movie's probably gonna be bussin'. I'm excited to go see Spider-Man. That comes out next week. That's gonna be freaking awesome. Hold on, I gotta get my food from the window. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_00Hey, good, thank you. No, thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. You as well, thank you.
SPEAKER_01This lady doesn't listen to the pod. She doesn't know I don't want freaking ketchup. Should have told her. At Carmody Podcast, you'll hear all about it. No, I don't want freaking ketchup. I just want to hunt the guy that does hunts. You know what I'm saying? I just want to hunt that guy. Because his ketchup pisses me off because everybody's asking me, oh, you want ketchup? Freaking hunts, hinds. Does every freaking brand start with H? That's crazy. Alright, I'm gonna let this uh I'm gonna let this food get in my belly real quick. I'm gonna I'm gonna pause the pod and then I'm gonna come right back and we're gonna we're gonna finish this thing out because we're talking about we're talking about Marvel, okay? So hold that thought. Alright, so the Inn and Out has been eaten, and am I gonna get explosive diarrhea from that lettuce? Well, that remains to be seen or felt. But if I start getting stomach cramping and explosive diarrhea, I will be writing a hefty review. A hefty review for that in and out. It will be stern and it will not be nice. It will be cordial and professional, but it will detail the events of the explosiveness. And if I lose control of my vowels and I poo-poo my pants, I will expect them to buy me a new pair of pants from Walmart. Thank you very much. Alright, let's get back to Marvel. So, look, I love Marvel movies. I I I've seen like 98% of all the movies. There's like maybe two movies I haven't seen. I haven't seen The Marvels, and then I haven't seen there's another one that's kind of like that. It's not The Marvels, but it's another movie that's like that that I haven't seen. And it's only because they're like the worst ones. And and I knew they were gonna be terrible, and they got terrible ratings, so I just never watched them. It just is what it is. I don't think it's killing the story for me or whatever. I don't care, whatever. So I I do like the Marvel movies, but what I don't like is the people that are just like freaking like all they do is just freaking talk crap about every movie, but they just go see all of them. Like they're huge Marvel fans, but they just don't have one freaking good thing to say about it, and they're like, hey, so you know what? You they they should have done this with Spider-Man. I don't know if you know, but in in in in in the 117th uh comic book that came out about Spider-Man, he said this thing. So that means that this is what he believes and this is what he thinks. And the actor clearly has not read every single page of every comic book that's ever been Spider-Man. I'm like, dude, relax. Go bowling, get a hobby, get married, move out of your move out of your parents' basement, dare I say. You know what I'm saying? Like, stop tripping balls because Tom Holland didn't didn't move his eyebrows the way that you maybe you think he should have when he was Spider-Man because he doesn't know something that's on one page of a comic book that came out 40 years ago, dude. Relax. Relax, okay. These are the type of people that when they actually do get in a relationship, they're freaking fetishes, or that they just want to have intercourse wearing costumes. Like they're like, I want to be Spider-Man during sex, and it's like, dude, chill, freaking relax. Never met a girl like that, by the way. Never, not even one time met a girl like that. Exclusively a dudes club, as far as I know. I'm sure there's one girl out there, or maybe two, maybe seven, who knows, that's like that. But there's a lot of dudes like that, that they will not shut the frick up about movies. Like, this this new Christopher Nolan movie just came out. I haven't seen it yet. I need to go see it. Everybody's talking about it, the Odyssey, and and it's talking about his movies, like they know the guy, like they they know every like. Can you believe that Christopher Nolan held the camera like this when this thing happened? And can you believe he moved it like the slightest little inch to see this thing because it picked up something else with the light? And I'm like, yeah, he did, because he's a he's he's a master. You know, he's a master, but you know who's not a master? Freaking you, because you've never been behind a camera a day in your life. So shut the frick up and just let him do his thing. You know what I'm saying? Damn, why'd that just get me going off, dude? I don't know. Okay, you guys. Look, we're coming to the end of the pod for the day today. Please, pretty please, pray to God, Jesus Christ, the one true God, that I will not have diarrhea after this lettuce today, okay? I don't even want that to be in my mind. I do not want to have diarrhea, I do not want to get sick, I don't want any of that to happen, okay? I just want to just live my life, just be able to work and do spots and and and do what I need to do without worrying about explosive poo poos, okay? And with that being said, thank you so much for listening to the Carmedy Podcast. This was episode number 12. I'm your host, Dave Thompson. Drive safely, and we'll see you next time on the Carmody Podcast. Bye, Kirk Carmedy.