TSLP Season 5 Ep1. Beyond Staying Calm

🎙️ Staying calm under pressure is important but exceptional leadership requires more than composure.

In this insightful episode of the Transformation Station Leadership Podcast, Adrienne Benton sits down with Jay Jacobson to explore what it truly means to lead beyond simply managing stress. Together, they discuss how leaders can remain clear, intentional, and effective when facing uncertainty, conflict, and high-pressure decisions.

Whether you're leading a team, serving in ministry, running a business, or navigating a challenging season, this episode will encourage you to move beyond merely surviving pressure and begin leading with greater clarity, courage, and purpose.

Learn more about Jay:
Website- https://www.jacobsonprostaff.com
LinkedIn- https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayscookies/
Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100053175806211

Thanks for tuning in to Transformation Station! If this episode fired you up, smash that subscribe button, share it with someone who’s ready to level up, and tell me the moment that hit hardest. Your voice keeps this movement unstoppable. 

Until next time, stand tall, step bold, and own your transformation.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Anyone can be when things are going well, but the true test of leadership happens when pressure rises and emotions run high and uncertainty is increasing. And everybody's looking around for direction. It's in those moments that leadership is not defined by titles or your charisma or your expertise. No, it's going to be defined by your presence. You and I both know that great leaders don't simply stay calm, they remain grounded. I can't wait to dive into this conversation. So come on, let's get started. I'm your host, Adrian Benton, and today we're discussing a leadership quality that is often overlooked but desperately needed in today's world. We're talking about calm and we're talking about grounded presence. Now, before we get into this conversation with our exquisite and amazing guest today, I want to remind you of a few things. Number one, I want to remind you the journal A Greater Force Than Failure, Intentional Time with God, is out there and ready for you. It walks you through a four-step process on how to overcome when you've made a mistake. So go ahead and grab your copy from Amazon.com, Kindle, or paperwork, paperback. It's yours. And be sure to share it with others in your network and go through it together. I also want to remind you that we believe that the community that prays together sees miracles and growth together. Every month we have the mobilizing prayer circle. We just had one this past week. And guess what? Man, the testimonies were amazing. And as leaders, we are growing. So we want to invite you. Our next mobilizing prayer circle is on July 12th. You see the time. This one says June 7th, but July 12th will be our next one, 8 p.m. CET, that's here in Italy. And then 2 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, based off of the United States. I know we're a global community. So use this as a reference and find the time that is in accordance with where you're located. The Mobilizing Prayer Circle. We want you to join us so that we can continue to grow together. Well, listen, we're talking about beyond staying calm, why grounded presence defines great leadership. Not just casual, but we're talking about great leadership today. And today we have our guest. His name is Jay. We're talking about Jay Jacobson, a funeral director, entrepreneur, and leadership voice shaped by moments where pressure and grief and responsibility collide. Jay has testified before the United States Senate on funeral ethics and draws on decades of experience in disaster response, business ownership, and mentoring leaders to explore what leadership looks like when it actually matters. He's the author of Lead by Legendary Example, a story-driven book on integrity and presence and service and legacy in real world leadership. It is my absolute honor to welcome to Transformation Station. Jay, welcome. We're so glad that you are with us today.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Hey, Drena, it's a genuine pleasure to be here. I'm coming to you from the heartland of the United States, just outside of Des Moines, Iowa. And it's a beautiful day here. And it looks like it's a beautiful evening in Italy.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

It sure is. It sure is. Well, listen, Jay, I'm excited about this conversation because I have found that over the years, many people assume that leadership is only talking about communication or strategy or decision making. But you know what? I have found, Jay, that before a leader says a word, they communicate something through their presence. A leader's emotional state often becomes the emotional climate. And as I was preparing for this session, I was thinking to myself, you know, many of the leaders that I admire the most, one of the things that I admire about them is their ability to be calm under pressure, their ability to still lead with focus under pressure during difficult seasons. So I want to start off by asking you this question grounded presence. What does grounded presence mean? And why is that different from simply staying calm?

SPEAKER_02 5:19

Well, grounded presence uh encompasses a great deal of the attributes that of true leadership, of the the principle of the integrity, the principle of being fully present in the moment, to understand the room, to understand the dialogue, both spoken and unspoken, that's going on, and to be able to step into those situations and be able to slow everything down, to bring that calm, that presence, uh, bring that that grace into the room that allows people to breathe, allows them to communicate what their needs are. And then you can begin to help them. You can help walk them through. But people will follow you when you're able to bring that calm. And the the real measure of a leader versus someone with a title is are people willing to follow you? Are they inspired to follow the direction that you're pointing? That's the hallmark of leadership. Uh, if they're just following orders, you're not much of a leader. Um, but step up, be present, and and understand the situation and help walk through it.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

Yes, I love this. Transformation station, you know that we always like to stop and assess and and really listen for what is resonating with us. And I'm gonna give you a moment right here. Go ahead in the chat in the comment section and tell us what is resonating with you from what Jay has already shared with us because he just gave us a masterclass. Like he gave us a whole mouthful to just sit and be like, mm-mm, mm-hmm. Yes, so true. You know, Jay, as you were talking, I was thinking to myself that staying calm at times it may be a temporary reaction, but grounded presence is a consistent state of awareness, a state of intentionality. You know, I think with grounded presence, you have to be intentional. I am going to intentionally focus right now. I'm going to intentionally respond and not react. And you know, you talked about the team, like people don't just simply follow what you say, they respond to how we show up.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Exactly. And and unfortunately, those skills that you need in those crisis moments, they don't just come with the crisis. No, they have to be cultivated, they have to be practiced, they have to, they have to come from a life of balance, a life of balancing your career, your personal life, your spiritual life, and having those all in the in the proper order, in the proper level of importance, so that when those moments of crisis show up, you draw on all three of those. And you know who you are, you know where you're going, and you can make decisions and you can pivot without losing your principles.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

And that's the real measure is if you understand your mission, if you understand your values and your principles, you can pivot. But those principles keep you grounded in who you are.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

Yes, yes, I love that. And and listeners and viewers, leaders, Jay and I have a best practice that we want to share with you right here. Best practice, pause before responding during stressful situations and reconnect with your values before making decisions. It's really important that you understand your values and that you reconnect to them before you make a major decision when you are in a stressful situation. What do you think about that?

SPEAKER_02 8:43

I agree completely. I and unfortunately, a lot of people they understand mission, they understand values and direction when it comes to work, but they rarely apply that to their own life. They have not spent the emotional work to establish those values, to write them down for themselves. Who am I? What do I stand for? Where am I going? And how is what road do I want to take there? Is it going to be a road filled with morals and value, or is it going to be the easy road that uh leads to destruction? You have to understand those things. You have to have that grounded faith, you have to have that grounded uh understanding of your own personal structure and mission.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

1000%. I'm learning so much right now. This is fantastic. I want to ask you this question, Jay. Why do teams look to leaders for emotional cues during uncertainty or crisis?

SPEAKER_02 9:45

Because they haven't practiced those themselves. Um, they they don't have a full grasp of uh who they are, what the situation is, how to process it. And so they look to people who have practiced that, people who are well grounded in making those tough decisions and and live in that environment. And in funeral service, that's the environment we live in all day. Every single one of the conversations that we have with our client families are what I call critical conversations, highly charged, very emotional, and there's very serious outcomes that come out of those conversations. And when you practice daily in that environment, you learn how to slow down, you learn how to listen, and you learn how to guide. And then when you step out of that environment, those skills are still there. And so no matter what the situation is in your personal or or your public life, people are naturally gravitating to those kind of people who can remain calm, that can think quickly and come up with solutions to the issues that are are right in front of them.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

I love that. So, you know, it really is true as I listen to you when they say that a leader's reaction can either calm anxiety or amplify it.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

And I love the illustration that you gave, the real life one that you have, right? When you're in that environment and you're talking to families in emotionally charged situations, is really important.

SPEAKER_02 11:15

And exactly, we're we're dealing with family members who with the dysfunction in a lot of families, they don't even want to be in the same room together, let alone have to make decisions together. And as the person who's in charge in that room, it's our role to help bridge the gap, to understand the body language, to understand the tone behind some of the words, and bring in solutions that help guide all sides of the family to come to a decision that everybody's happy with. And it's a challenge, and that's the environment we work in. And uh, when you apply that outside of it, it is almost magical in the way that your bright your mind processes those kind of small crisis situations.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

So, leaders, we have another best practice for you, right? Communicate facts clearly, like what Jay is describing, while projecting confidence and realistic optimism. Don't be fake and phony about it, but realistic optimism, right? Let that be in the room because we transfer emotional energy to those that we are leading. So let me ask you this question from your experience, what habits help leaders develop a grounded presence instead of becoming reactive?

SPEAKER_02 12:32

I I can share, tell the answer that story that with a story, a little bit of background, and I share a little of this in my book. Um, I come from some two very large families. On my mom's side, there were 10 kids, on my dad's side, there were five. And every other Sunday we would go and have Sunday dinner with one family or the other. They couldn't be more opposite in terms of the environment. One was very stoic, the other one was very joyous. But as a child, watching the adults, watching the way they interacted, the body language, the expression on the face, the tone, it teaches you how to read a room. And unfortunately, today, uh, that's a crisis we're we're seeing with a lot of our younger people coming into the workforce, is they don't understand how to read the room. At the very time between age 13 and age 20, when we learn those skills naturally, we're handing them a cell phone or a tablet or a computer. And so their communication skills are hampered by all they're using is text. They're missing the nuance of the facial expression, of the tone in the room, the body language. And so a good deal of my time now is spent in helping those young people in the workforce understand that deficit and help them retrain their brain to be able to fully engage with the people around them, to look them in the eye. And if you look too long at some of these young people in the eye right now, it makes them very uncomfortable because they haven't learned that skill. They haven't seen anybody actually be fully present looking at them and trying to uh communicate with them. So we have to help unlearn some of those uh issues so that they can be comfortable and set with somebody and actually have them look in the eye uh without darting away.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

I love this. What is um one of your best um best practices when you think about this as you as it pertains to being able to um to teach, to mentor, to help young people nowadays, to be able to understand these nuances?

SPEAKER_02 14:45

Probably probably my best tool. And it and it works well in the in the funeral home, and it works well in in any industry when you're working with people. Don't start with a form, don't pull out a contract, don't pull out a form to gather information. Start out with a blank sheet of paper and start asking questions. Like in our field, it's like, tell me about your mom, tell me your about your dad. In a sales situation, it can be tell me about what your goals are when you're purchasing this item, what fits your situation best so I can help you. It forms that connection with the client. It says, I'm not here to sell you something, I'm here to hear you. I'm here to be present with what your needs are, and then we're gonna help you find a solution to that problem, uh, what you need uh in a way that is you focused instead of what I need to sell today.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

Yeah, yeah. I have found over the years as a leader that when my team feels seen, when they feel heard, man, they're will they're willing to stay late, they're willing to do the tasks that make, you know, that they don't really enjoy. They're they're willing to contribute to the unity, to getting the mission accomplished because they feel seen and heard. And so, leaders, you know, when we talk about the habits that help develop a grounded presence instead of becoming reactive, this is for you as well as this is for you leading your team. You can sew into this, you know. That's why I asked Jay, you know, what are some of the practices of mentoring? Because we all are mentors, we all are coaches, we all are examples. And so we want to invite you.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

Yes, please. And you model the behavior that you want to see. And when you correct people, you do it privately, when you praise people, you do it publicly. But when you correct people, you correct it also, not only this is what you need to do, but you add that second component that says, This is why, this is the rationale behind, so that you help train them to think about why did we make this? Not just we need to make a different choice, but why? What is the outcome that you want, and why does this solution work better than perhaps the one they chose?

SPEAKER_00 17:36

I love that. I love that 1000%. So I'm gonna ask you this question: how does grounded presence improve decision making? This is key, during high pressure situations.

SPEAKER_02 17:50

Uh when you're practicing grounded presence, you are taking everything in. You understand what's going on in the room, you understand the people, you've gotten to know the people you're going to be working with as best as you can. You know their skills, you know their weaknesses. And so just having that grounded presence of knowing the situation as thoroughly as you can helps you make better decisions. It helps you use the resources, uh, whether it's the facilities you have, the people you have, uh, the materials you have in the most productive way. And that's really the key to having that type of grounded presence is that full, complete understanding, being completely engulfed in the situation and having as as thorough an understanding of what's going on as you possibly can.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

I love that. When you're talking, I'm thinking that you know, our clarity grows, our confidence grows, our calmness grows when we're not controlled by the urgency. Yeah.

unknown 18:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

Chaos ensues when we don't understand what's going on, uh, when we don't have all the information. Uh, that's when we're we're most challenged to make uh good decisions and and avoid those mistakes. But have taking the time to understand uh what's going on before you jump in uh always provides better outcomes.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

I'm gonna put you on the spot for a moment. Can you share with us a story, an illustration, or you know, when when you saw this in practice?

SPEAKER_02 19:22

Absolutely. I uh I'm gonna I'll tell the story about what when I ended up testifying before the United States Senate. And we had spent months to prepare for that. Uh it was supposed to be a a congenial meeting. It was we were going to testify and and tell the the American people and our legislators what's going on in funeral service, what are the positive things that we're doing, and and how some of the regulations helped. And so I got on the plane, I got to Washington, D.C., I got off the plane, and my lobbyist for the association met me, and I could tell by the expression on his face, something was terribly wrong. And he informed me that we were about to be ambushed. And 36 hours later, I'm supposed to be sitting in front of the Senate hearing, and I'm gonna be on the hot seat. And so we spent the next 36 hours without any sleep, completely redrafting everything that we had prepared and putting it in a situation and with the understanding that here I am, I'm in my early 30s. I'm I'm very new to this field, but I'm gonna be sitting in this seat representing thousands of funeral directors in funeral homes across the country. And it is up to me to set the record straight, to stand up to misinformation, to stand up to an agenda that was being presented, that funeral service is fraught with problems. And it was just calling on all of the skills, all of the integrity and the the leadership presence that I have spent my entire life from age nine on developing, to be able to sit in that room and call out my senator and say the information you're providing does not reflect the truth about what funeral service is. And it's just being able to be in that moment and know you have those skills behind you. And as long as you stay true to your mission, true to your values, and do it with integrity, you're gonna do all right.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

I love that. Leaders, you have your own stories. We want to go ahead and hear them. So please, in the comment section, go ahead and share with Jay and I what's your stories where you saw this put into practice in real time? Ooh, Jay, this has been an amazing conversation. As we turn the corner here, I want to ask you, because I know that there are leaders that are listening and watching right now, and they're like, you know what, Jay and Adrian, yes, yes, yes, I I believe in this, but I feel overwhelmed. Or, you know, I listen, I want to be able to respond and not react, but I think I'm I'm kind of disconnected. So, so for the leader right now that's listening and watching that feels overwhelmed, for the leader that that feels disconnected, where can they begin to rebuild a grounding presence, a grounded presence?

SPEAKER_02 22:21

That's a very good question because most leaders that I've worked with, when they're feeling overwhelmed, they're trying to tackle the whole problem all at once. Um and large problems can be solved one piece at a time. So you take that one little piece, you solve that piece, you build on it, you start building trust with your coworkers, you start building Trust with your team. And that's how you start solving these larger problems. It's just that one little thing and just focus on that. Have that one success today. It builds on the sex success tomorrow. And I've often coached with a just a simple phrase, what are you doing today to make tomorrow better? And that can be solving that one problem. It can be some continued learning in a field that you know you know you have a deficit. Start picking up something, start learning so that tomorrow you have one more skill that you can apply to that leadership responsibility. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

I love it. So I'm gonna ask you to do one more thing off the cuff, right? There's a leader right now, they themselves, we're not talking about their team, they themselves, they're they're kind of caught, they're they're dealing with grief while still trying to lead. What would you say to encourage that leader?

SPEAKER_02 23:48

I would say, you know, number one, pull back. Pull back and reground yourself. Uh pull back, focus in on your faith. Uh get regrounded in what is really important. Uh, re-examine the balance between your life, your family, your faith, your work, and and start putting the the perspective together. Okay, this is a problem I'm dealing with. How does it fit into the rest? How how do I use the other things to help support? And one of the things I've noticed in particular in funeral service, and I had two very good mentors when I first started off. One of them was 85 years old, um, Mr. Bickford. And at 85, he was very well grounded. He was um very genuine uh as far as a person. He was the same whether he was helping me learn what I needed to learn in the funeral home, or if he was with his family, or if he was out in the community. And he was very strong in his faith. Now, the owner of the funeral home was 27. Uh, he was very good at the funeral home. He was very good at teaching me. But when he got outside of the funeral home, he didn't have that faith. He didn't have that grounded mission, and his life fell apart. He uh ended up with alcohol and drug addiction, he ended up losing his family and ultimately ended up losing his business. And just focusing back on that dichotomy of the two uh funeral directors and the two mentors that I had and learning the importance of the faith number one, uh, the balance in your life and the integrity of being who you are in in every situation, versus the the young man who was very good only in one area and let the other areas falter. Um, it's like a three-legged stool and you've kicked out two legs. It's not going to stand out. Uh, so it's very important to have that balance, to step back and reassess. Yes. And now that's a long answer to uh the question you gave me, but I think it's it paints a good picture of what leaders need to look at when they're when they're experiencing any kind of grief or any kind of of uh struggle.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

I love that. What an amazing resource you are. So, Jay, I know that there are listeners and viewers that have enjoyed this and they want more. I know that they want to know more about your book and they want to tap into the resources that you have. Tell us, what's the best way for our audience to be able to engage with you?

SPEAKER_02 26:33

The best place uh to reach me is at my website that you're showing, uh JacobsonProstaff.com. On that, you'll have access to my blog post, which we talk uh every week about leadership. You can subscribe to that blog so it comes into your email. There's a link in there to purchase my book, Lead by Legendary Example. And that book is uh an extensive um leadership manual, uh written unlike any other leadership book, you'll probably pick up because it's real life stories. Everything from testifying before the Senate uh to working uh post uh United Air 234 232 air disaster uh to being a paperboy at age nine and the lessons that built leadership from those experiences. Now, the book is available on Amazon, it's available in audio format on Amazon or in Apple. Um, it's interesting. The audio book I did not record myself. We had a fabulous gentleman by the name of Fred Lane uh that recorded it for us. And it was interesting because he would email me and he would say, I understand why you couldn't read this yourself. He said, It is so emotionally written, it is so full of good, uh colorful stories that I'm having to record this three and four times to get it right. And so it is a good read. Um, the last third of the book is a 10-week session on leadership skill development that you can take and use it with your own team. Uh, but that's available again on Amazon and also on Apple.

SPEAKER_00 28:10

Love this. Thank you. All right, Transmission Station, you know that we like to support our guests. You see the link here on the screen. The links to Jay's social media are also in the description box. Now, you need to go ahead and get this book. You know how we we like to support. So go ahead and click on the link, get the book now. And then Jay said, you know, you can also use the book, not just for yourself, but for your teams as well. Let's spread the knowledge. Jay, it has been wonderful to host you here. Thank you so much for adding so much content and value to Transformation Station Leadership Podcast. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 28:47

Well, Idorina, it's been a genuine pleasure. Thank you for having me as a guest. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

All right. Well, listen, today's conversation reminds us that leadership is not just about what we accomplished, it's about who we become while leading. And in a world that's filled with noise and urgency and constant change, grounded presence, maybe one of the greatest gifts that you as a leader can offer. People need to know that you don't have every answer, but they need to know that you can remain steady while navigating uncertainty. I want to thank you for joining us for this conversation on Beyond Staying Calm, while why grounded presence defines great leadership. And remember, your presence often speaks before your words do. So until next time, stay grounded, stay intentional, and keep leading forward with clarity and purpose.