Well, hello there and welcome back to the podcast. Today we're talking about something I have found absolutely fascinating as a doula we're talking today about labor pain. Specifically I want to explore why some women experience very little pain in labor while others experience a lot, and why neither experience says anything about your strength, your preparation, or your faith. So as a doula. I've seen labor pain exist on an extremely wide spectrum. I've supported mamas who describe contractions as intense, but manageable. Women who feel completely overwhelmed by early labor, and then some women who are genuinely shocked by how little pain they experience. And I've seen women with nearly identical birth plans and environments. Have very different internal experiences, and that's what makes this conversation so important because comparison sneaks in so easily, doesn't it? After birth or even during pregnancy, women might start asking themselves these types of questions. Well, why was hers easier and why couldn't I handle labor like that? What's wrong with me? And my hope is that this episode brings you relief and that it replaces comparison with understanding and shame with compassion because the level of pain you experience in labor is not a reflection of your worth and certainly not of your faith. So one of the most important things I want you to hear is this. Labor pain is not binary. It's not simply unmedicated versus epidural. It's not strong women versus weak women. It's not faithful women versus fearful women. Labor pain exists on a spectrum, and again, that spectrum is very wide. Two women can prepare equally as well labor in very similar environments and both deeply desire the same type of birth, but still experience labor very differently. And again, that does not mean that one did it better. It means bodies are different and the labor story that the Lord has for each of us is so unique and then there are so many reasons why. Pain varies in labor and none of them are moral or spiritual failures. So physically, things like your pelvic shape, nerve sensitivity, the baby's position during labor, these things matter more than we often realize. And a baby who is positioned just slightly differently can create a totally different sensation in the body. Hormones play a huge role in this. Too. Some women naturally produce higher levels of endorphins, which help buffer that pain sensation and interpretation. And then stress and fear can also interrupt that process even in women who are very well prepared and deeply desire say like an unmedicated birth experience. So let me give you some more concrete examples. So a baby who is facing forward, where their spine is closer to your spine, we often call this op or sunny side up. This can create some intense back pain sometimes referred to as back labor, and that's a completely different sensation than a mom who's laboring with a baby that is more well positioned. And then also a woman with a wider pelvic outlet might experience labor very different than a mom with a more narrow pelvic shape. Neither mom did this right or wrong. How could she change the shape of her pelvis? You can't. And then also, some women have more nerve density in the cervix or in the pelvis, meaning they genuinely feel sensations differently. And and then there's also things like the cervix itself, where some women have cervixes that a face and dilate gradually over days and well before labor begins, while others experience a lot of cervical change all at the time of labor. And that can certainly lend itself to feeling more intensity you know, in the labor experience if all that change is happening at once Very quickly. And then there's also this emotional and neurological piece where pain perception is closely tied to our sense of safety. So feeling supported, un rushed, trusting the process that can genuinely change how sensations are experienced. But even with all of that in place, bodies still respond. So uniquely, so preparation absolutely helps with coping, but it is not a guarantee for a specific sensation level, if that makes sense. And I think that's something that would be so helpful to remind yourself as you reflect either on a past birth experience or as you prepare for a future birth experience. So you can do all of this fear work, you know, releasing anxiety to the Lord, building your faith, trusting your body. But then still find the labor is incredibly intense. That does not mean that you failed in your mental preparation because faith doesn't remove sensation, but it does change how you perceive it. And then on the flip side, you can be very fearful going into your birth experience and have a very manageable experience. Your fear didn't create your pain level and your faith didn't remove it, so God is sovereign over both. The emotional states that I mentioned here, and again, how you physically perceive that. So they don't always align in the way we expect. So if labor pain is so variable and we can't exactly predict what your experience will be like, what do we do in pregnancy? How do we prepare? And so here's where I would love to encourage you. On some ways to prepare. So prepare for the labor you hope to have while also simultaneously releasing control over the labor experience you did have or you are currently going through. So learn coping techniques, the breathing, the positioning, the mindset work, all of that. And again, just seeing that not as a guarantee that the labor will be easy. But as a tool to help you work with your body, no matter how the birth unfolds, build your faith and address your fears. Knowing that peace and labor isn't about the absence of pain, but about the presence of God. Practice surrendering the outcome to the Lord even now in your pregnancy so that surrender feels more familiar when you're in the thick of labor. And just remember, your preparation is never wasted, even if your labor does look different than how you are planning it to look. Because the goal is not to achieve a specific pain level sensation. The goal is to steward your birth faithfully, whatever that looks like for you. And I want to share this next part carefully because comparison, again, can sneak in, but I am one of those women who experience labor on the lower pain side of the spectrum. And sometimes I will have a client say to me, especially if they know my birth story or kind of like my experience personally. They might say something like, well, I don't know how you did this without an epidural. And I always want to gently reframe that because I didn't do it better. I didn't earn the experience that I had because I'm superior in strength or faith or whatever. My body simply experienced labor differently, and the reason I share this is not to set a standard but to remove one. My experience does not predict yours, and yours does not need to look like mine in order to be valid, to be beautiful, and to be exactly what the Lord had in store for you. But then say you're on the opposite side. Say you're a mama who planned for an unmedicated birth and you found it was much harder than you imagined. And can I just be very truthful with you right now? You are not weak. You did not misunderstand birth or miss something important when you were prepar. You simply encountered your labor, and that was the specific one. Your body, your baby, were meant to navigate together, and so there is courage in pivoting your plan when the need arises. There is wisdom in receiving support, like maybe getting an epidural or getting medications to help cope with the labor pain. There is genuine strength in listening to your body in real time, even when it means your plans change. And success in birth is not measured by how much pain you endured. To me, the most successful birth outcome is the one where you remove yourself from the center of the story and allow all glory to go to the Lord, to come away from that birth experience in awe of him and to love him, and to trust him and enjoy him more than you did before. And can I tell you something else? Some of the strongest, most faith-filled women I've supported have been the ones that chose pain relief. And I've watched women labor for hours with incredible endurance and then make the wise decision to receive an epidural so that they could rest and be present for the remainder of the labor and birth. To me, that takes courage. It takes humility, and it is no less God glorifying than having an unmedicated birth. And you can be grateful for your birth experience, but still grieve the parts that didn't go as planned. I think that's totally valid and you can honor your experience even when it looked different than you'd hoped. So both of these things can be true at the same time. So this brings me to a verse I love for this conversation. This comes from Galatians six, four through five, and it says, let each one test his own work for each will have to bear his own load. So to put this in context, the Apostle Paul is addressing comparison, people measuring themselves against others to determine their worth. And he reminds them that each person carries a different load. So when we apply this to the birth experience, it becomes so freeing. Your load includes your body, your baby's position, your nervous system, your history, your hormones, your story. And God never expected every woman to experience labor the same way, because he did not assign the same load to each of us. Your birth was never meant to be measured against someone else's. And then here are a few truths I would love for you to hold onto and meditate over. Pain is not a moral or spiritual metric. More pain does not mean more strength and less pain does not mean more faith. Receiving help when you need it is not failure, it's wisdom. Comparison steals peace. It rewrites our memories through the lens of shame and keeps us stuck examining ourselves when the experience isn't meant to keep us thinking about ourselves. God calls us out of comparison. Not to limit us, but to free us. Your birth story stands on its own before him, and he is worthy of honor exactly the way it goes. So how do we break free from comparison? We start by changing the questions we ask, instead of asking why was hers easier? Ask the Lord, what are you teaching me through my specific experience? Instead of asking. What did I do wrong? Ask, how did God meet me in this? And then finally, instead of asking yourself, was my birth good enough? Ask did I honor God with the choices I made? We also choose carefully who we share our stories with and how we listen to others' stories. And if someone's birth story is stirring up. Shame or comparison in you. It is okay to, might need to spend more time to process your own before you're ready to hold space for their story. And when you do share your own story, do it without apologizing, without justifying and without needing validation from others. Your experience stands before the Lord unique, and that is enough. And so now I would love to wrap up today's episode by just saying a quick prayer for you. Lord, I pray for the mama who's listening right in this moment. You see her body, you see her baby, her heart, and you know her story, and you know the load that she's carrying physically, circumstantially, emotionally and spiritually. I pray that you would help her release any comparison and just receive peace that comes from you. I pray that you would remind her that her birth is not a test that she needs to pass, but a sacred experience we get to meet you in. I ask that you would give her grace to honor her body and the wisdom to trust in the journey ahead, and also just the freedom to walk confidently in the path that you have set before her. I ask this all in your name, Jesus. Amen. So if you're listening and you're realizing just how unique this birth experience really is, I want you to know that you don't have to navigate that alone through virtual birth support. I have the incredible privilege to walk alongside you in your specific experience offering education, emotional support, faith centered encouragement, and just reassurance that your body and your birth don't need to look like anyone else's. And there is no pressure to birth a certain way, only to steward to the best of your ability as an act of worship to the Lord, your baby, your body, and your unique circumstances. So I would love to support you in that journey. If you're interested in learning more, visit the link in the show notes to hear more about virtual support with me or any of my other services like childbirth education or my 30 day devotional. I pray today's episode, blessed you and I will see you in the next episode.