{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":0.111,"endTime":2.412,"body":"Are you someone who prides herself on how"},{"startTime":2.492,"endTime":4.813,"body":"much you get done? Do you ever get"},{"startTime":4.873,"endTime":7.314,"body":"discouraged for not being able to do as"},{"startTime":7.455,"endTime":10.156,"body":"much as you think you should? In this"},{"startTime":10.256,"endTime":12.537,"body":"episode, we are talking about the crucial"},{"startTime":12.597,"endTime":15.278,"body":"distinction between capability and"},{"startTime":15.458,"endTime":18.7,"body":"capacity. I am breaking down the two to"},{"startTime":18.76,"endTime":21.061,"body":"make sure that you don't fall into the"},{"startTime":21.101,"endTime":23.862,"body":"traps I see over and over again, where"},{"startTime":23.922,"endTime":26.304,"body":"women either conflate the two and feel"},{"startTime":26.344,"endTime":29.844,"body":"like a failure, or refuse to honor changes"},{"startTime":30.024,"endTime":32.286,"body":"in their capacity to the point that they"},{"startTime":32.466,"endTime":35.167,"body":"burn out or end up depressed. I will help"},{"startTime":35.207,"endTime":36.868,"body":"you determine whether you have a"},{"startTime":37.028,"endTime":40.21,"body":"capability or a capacity problem, and as"},{"startTime":40.45,"endTime":42.532,"body":"always, equip you with science-backed"},{"startTime":42.592,"endTime":45.793,"body":"strategies to solve each one. Welcome to"},{"startTime":45.833,"endTime":48.334,"body":"More Time for Mom, where overwhelmed moms"},{"startTime":48.374,"endTime":50.855,"body":"get science-backed strategies to overcome"},{"startTime":50.895,"endTime":53.016,"body":"the hidden sources of stress stealing your"},{"startTime":53.096,"endTime":55.897,"body":"time and joy. I'm your host, Dr. Amber"},{"startTime":55.937,"endTime":58.137,"body":"Curtis. Ready to make more time for you?"},{"startTime":58.738,"endTime":63.538,"body":"Let's dive in. If I could go back in time,"},{"startTime":64.018,"endTime":67.64,"body":"this is the message that I wish my former"},{"startTime":67.74,"endTime":70.541,"body":"self had 10, 12 years ago as I began my"},{"startTime":70.581,"endTime":73.022,"body":"motherhood journey. I know I'm not the"},{"startTime":73.102,"endTime":75.983,"body":"only one who came to define herself on the"},{"startTime":76.063,"endTime":79.185,"body":"basis of her ability to perform, to"},{"startTime":79.245,"endTime":81.566,"body":"achieve certain things and get recognized"},{"startTime":81.626,"endTime":83.867,"body":"or validated by others for those"},{"startTime":83.947,"endTime":86.328,"body":"achievements. And so when I became a"},{"startTime":86.368,"endTime":89.689,"body":"mother and I could no longer do so many of"},{"startTime":89.749,"endTime":92.21,"body":"the things I was used to doing, let alone"},{"startTime":92.25,"endTime":94.192,"body":"at the level at which I used to perform"},{"startTime":94.232,"endTime":97.255,"body":"them, it threw me into a tailspin,"},{"startTime":97.615,"endTime":99.617,"body":"literally an identity crisis thinking"},{"startTime":99.737,"endTime":103.02,"body":"something was wrong with me. I wish I"},{"startTime":103.08,"endTime":104.962,"body":"could have understood at the time that"},{"startTime":105.142,"endTime":107.504,"body":"what I was going through was not a"},{"startTime":107.564,"endTime":109.606,"body":"reflection of me and it wasn't a"},{"startTime":109.666,"endTime":112.889,"body":"reflection of what I was capable of, it"},{"startTime":112.929,"endTime":116.752,"body":"was actually a very natural fluctuation in"},{"startTime":116.852,"endTime":120.095,"body":"my capacity. and I wish I could have"},{"startTime":120.155,"endTime":122.418,"body":"honored that in such a more healthy way,"},{"startTime":123.078,"endTime":124.98,"body":"which I did not and I want you to learn"},{"startTime":125.04,"endTime":127.944,"body":"from my mistakes. Let's start out with"},{"startTime":127.984,"endTime":130.686,"body":"some simple definitions. Google defines"},{"startTime":130.787,"endTime":134.15,"body":"capability as the power or extent of"},{"startTime":134.25,"endTime":135.952,"body":"someone or something's ability,"},{"startTime":136.312,"endTime":139.356,"body":"particularly to perform a specified task."},{"startTime":140.248,"endTime":142.609,"body":"For me, it all comes down to having the"},{"startTime":142.669,"endTime":145.59,"body":"physical, mental, or emotional ability to"},{"startTime":145.65,"endTime":149.071,"body":"do something. And it is very performance"},{"startTime":149.191,"endTime":152.413,"body":"or task oriented. Can you do this thing?"},{"startTime":153.33,"endTime":155.792,"body":"Capacity, on the other hand, is something"},{"startTime":155.952,"endTime":158.314,"body":"I never even considered. I never really"},{"startTime":158.414,"endTime":160.736,"body":"knew about until I was in the thick of it."},{"startTime":160.916,"endTime":163.878,"body":"Google defines capacity as the maximum"},{"startTime":163.918,"endTime":166.18,"body":"amount that something can contain or"},{"startTime":166.36,"endTime":169.823,"body":"produce. It's about how much you can do or"},{"startTime":169.963,"endTime":173.426,"body":"handle based on how much you already have"},{"startTime":173.546,"endTime":177.228,"body":"going on. It really comes down to time,"},{"startTime":177.768,"endTime":180.709,"body":"energy, pre-existing commitments, your"},{"startTime":180.749,"endTime":182.89,"body":"current circumstances, maybe your"},{"startTime":182.91,"endTime":186.551,"body":"financial situation, but ultimately the"},{"startTime":186.671,"endTime":189.372,"body":"internal and external resources that are"},{"startTime":189.432,"endTime":192.253,"body":"available to you in that particular"},{"startTime":192.294,"endTime":195.415,"body":"moment. The huge point is that there is a"},{"startTime":195.515,"endTime":198.136,"body":"big difference between being capable of"},{"startTime":198.196,"endTime":200.837,"body":"doing something, which you inevitably are,"},{"startTime":201.865,"endTime":204.85,"body":"and actually having the capacity to do it,"},{"startTime":205.351,"endTime":208.997,"body":"which is changing all of the time. In"},{"startTime":209.057,"endTime":211.922,"body":"terms of capability, we know that physical"},{"startTime":211.962,"endTime":214.847,"body":"capability naturally fluctuates with age."},{"startTime":215.396,"endTime":218.077,"body":"We see in little children that they go"},{"startTime":218.177,"endTime":220.778,"body":"from learning to roll over, to sitting up,"},{"startTime":220.918,"endTime":223.079,"body":"to crawling, to walking, to running and"},{"startTime":223.119,"endTime":226.16,"body":"jumping. And we don't make that a problem."},{"startTime":226.34,"endTime":229.261,"body":"It's so beautiful to see little kids"},{"startTime":229.461,"endTime":231.622,"body":"learning to do these things, right? Trying"},{"startTime":231.702,"endTime":234.763,"body":"and trying again, despite falling down or,"},{"startTime":235.023,"endTime":237.104,"body":"quote unquote, failing. We don't consider"},{"startTime":237.164,"endTime":240.286,"body":"it failure in that instance. And then most"},{"startTime":240.326,"endTime":243.068,"body":"of us reach peak capability in our 20s or"},{"startTime":243.589,"endTime":246.231,"body":"30s, after which we slowly start to age"},{"startTime":246.331,"endTime":248.893,"body":"and decline. We're more at risk of injury"},{"startTime":249.073,"endTime":251.715,"body":"or developing a chronic health problem. So"},{"startTime":251.976,"endTime":254.097,"body":"physically, of course, the goal is"},{"startTime":254.277,"endTime":257.42,"body":"longevity. We want a really good health"},{"startTime":257.44,"endTime":260.302,"body":"span to have great quality of life as long"},{"startTime":260.342,"endTime":262.644,"body":"as possible. Thankfully, research is"},{"startTime":262.764,"endTime":264.766,"body":"underscoring that no matter what age you"},{"startTime":264.946,"endTime":268.189,"body":"are, you can still do things to improve"},{"startTime":268.309,"endTime":270.83,"body":"your health, to train your body, increase"},{"startTime":270.85,"endTime":272.991,"body":"your performance, get stronger, more"},{"startTime":273.111,"endTime":276.273,"body":"agile, more mobile. It's so great. In"},{"startTime":276.313,"endTime":278.594,"body":"terms of emotional capability, we know"},{"startTime":278.634,"endTime":281.216,"body":"that that also evolves over childhood and"},{"startTime":281.296,"endTime":284.198,"body":"adolescence. Kids' brains aren't fully"},{"startTime":284.278,"endTime":286.259,"body":"developed until their late teens or"},{"startTime":286.299,"endTime":289.201,"body":"mid-twenties, depending on gender. We also"},{"startTime":289.281,"endTime":291.023,"body":"see through current research that"},{"startTime":291.143,"endTime":294.226,"body":"neurodivergent brains might have different"},{"startTime":294.326,"endTime":296.349,"body":"abilities and those might then be"},{"startTime":296.429,"endTime":299.292,"body":"perceived by others as deficiencies or"},{"startTime":299.512,"endTime":302.075,"body":"inabilities but they're not. It's just"},{"startTime":302.115,"endTime":304.417,"body":"that their brains are wired differently."},{"startTime":305.75,"endTime":308.911,"body":"Mental capability is especially malleable"},{"startTime":309.051,"endTime":311.052,"body":"and changeable all throughout one's"},{"startTime":311.112,"endTime":314.072,"body":"lifetime. Although decades ago, doctors"},{"startTime":314.112,"endTime":316.573,"body":"didn't used to think that was the case. It"},{"startTime":316.653,"endTime":318.054,"body":"used to be that people thought"},{"startTime":318.154,"endTime":320.554,"body":"intelligence or criminality were"},{"startTime":320.574,"endTime":323.435,"body":"hereditary and largely predetermined. But"},{"startTime":323.515,"endTime":326.038,"body":"now, thanks to advances in technology and"},{"startTime":326.078,"endTime":328.48,"body":"neuroscience, we know how amazing the"},{"startTime":328.52,"endTime":331.242,"body":"brain is, that you basically have infinite"},{"startTime":331.322,"endTime":334.265,"body":"capability of learning and growing because"},{"startTime":334.305,"endTime":337.348,"body":"of neurogenesis and neuroplasticity. The"},{"startTime":337.388,"endTime":339.97,"body":"point is that it is never a question of"},{"startTime":340.151,"endTime":341.992,"body":"whether you can do something, whether you"},{"startTime":342.012,"endTime":345.275,"body":"can learn to do something, whether that's"},{"startTime":345.335,"endTime":349.772,"body":"physically, mentally, or emotionally. In"},{"startTime":349.772,"endTime":352.994,"body":"99.9% of cases, you could. You would be"},{"startTime":353.074,"endTime":355.675,"body":"capable. Maybe you just don't know how to"},{"startTime":355.715,"endTime":358.656,"body":"do it yet. Do you want to learn to play"},{"startTime":358.676,"endTime":362.538,"body":"the piano? Great. You want to run a half"},{"startTime":362.598,"endTime":364.799,"body":"marathon and you've never run before?"},{"startTime":365.259,"endTime":368.58,"body":"Great. You want to start a business and"},{"startTime":368.62,"endTime":371.701,"body":"you have no idea where to start? Great."},{"startTime":372.042,"endTime":375.203,"body":"You can learn to do all of those things."},{"startTime":376.417,"endTime":379.322,"body":"The real challenge, especially for busy,"},{"startTime":379.422,"endTime":381.506,"body":"high-achieving moms, is the reduced"},{"startTime":381.626,"endTime":385.515,"body":"capacity that comes with having kids. Of"},{"startTime":385.575,"endTime":387.036,"body":"course, it is not just moms that"},{"startTime":387.096,"endTime":389.517,"body":"experience this. Someone could experience"},{"startTime":389.657,"endTime":392.359,"body":"it while caring for aging parents, or if"},{"startTime":392.399,"endTime":395.56,"body":"they got sick, or have a changed life"},{"startTime":395.62,"endTime":398.122,"body":"situation where they're emotionally or"},{"startTime":398.182,"endTime":401.143,"body":"physically drained. But on the whole, new"},{"startTime":401.183,"endTime":403.445,"body":"moms are usually faced with a starkly"},{"startTime":403.585,"endTime":406.226,"body":"different reality after having kids, and"},{"startTime":406.286,"endTime":409.128,"body":"it is hard to fully process and accept"},{"startTime":409.188,"endTime":412.118,"body":"that. Whether you wanna see it as the"},{"startTime":412.178,"endTime":414.799,"body":"silver lining or as a complicating factor"},{"startTime":414.819,"endTime":417.441,"body":"that makes matters worse, your capacity"},{"startTime":417.681,"endTime":420.723,"body":"doesn't stay stagnant. It is constantly"},{"startTime":420.783,"endTime":423.104,"body":"shifting day by day, week by week, month"},{"startTime":423.144,"endTime":425.785,"body":"by month, and across the many seasons of"},{"startTime":425.845,"endTime":429.227,"body":"mom life. But your brain craves constancy"},{"startTime":429.327,"endTime":432.569,"body":"and predictability. Oh, how we strive for"},{"startTime":432.669,"endTime":435.311,"body":"routine, right? But that is practically"},{"startTime":435.451,"endTime":438.614,"body":"impossible as a mom. We make these grand"},{"startTime":492.644,"endTime":495.147,"body":"plans and we set our big goals only for"},{"startTime":495.248,"endTime":497.07,"body":"everything to change and get thrown off."},{"startTime":498.312,"endTime":501.75600000000003,"body":"We need to expect that. In those moments"},{"startTime":501.916,"endTime":504.47700000000003,"body":"of diminished capacity, you have to"},{"startTime":504.517,"endTime":506.91700000000003,"body":"remember that just because you are capable"},{"startTime":506.997,"endTime":509.558,"body":"of doing something doesn't mean you"},{"startTime":509.718,"endTime":513.199,"body":"should. I find this is so hard for us moms"},{"startTime":513.239,"endTime":516.68,"body":"to accept when we have big ambitious goals"},{"startTime":516.9,"endTime":519.62,"body":"or we're even just trying to do as they"},{"startTime":519.6999999999999,"endTime":522.761,"body":"say and put our own self-care somewhere in"},{"startTime":522.781,"endTime":525.6419999999999,"body":"the equation. Having diminished capacity"},{"startTime":525.982,"endTime":529.2429999999999,"body":"makes you feel like you can't do even the"},{"startTime":529.303,"endTime":532.105,"body":"simplest of things. But life is about"},{"startTime":532.165,"endTime":533.9069999999999,"body":"doing the best you can under the"},{"startTime":533.967,"endTime":536.73,"body":"circumstances and those are always a"},{"startTime":536.77,"endTime":539.513,"body":"moving target. What you could do before"},{"startTime":539.593,"endTime":542.036,"body":"having kids is very different than what"},{"startTime":542.0559999999999,"endTime":544.899,"body":"you can do postpartum and then eventually"},{"startTime":544.919,"endTime":547.322,"body":"you do recover and find a new groove."},{"startTime":548.103,"endTime":550.525,"body":"Having multiple kids can sometimes feel"},{"startTime":550.685,"endTime":553.048,"body":"easier or sometimes harder than having"},{"startTime":553.268,"endTime":556.27,"body":"your first kid. Kids' sleep schedules are"},{"startTime":556.5509999999999,"endTime":559.1129999999999,"body":"always changing and just when you get used"},{"startTime":559.173,"endTime":561.975,"body":"to a certain schedule, they go through a"},{"startTime":562.216,"endTime":564.137,"body":"new developmental milestone and start"},{"startTime":564.217,"endTime":567.14,"body":"waking at night or waking up earlier or"},{"startTime":567.24,"endTime":570.678,"body":"later and it's a whole big mess. At some"},{"startTime":570.738,"endTime":573.159,"body":"point, kids go off to school and get more"},{"startTime":573.239,"endTime":575.58,"body":"capable of being left alone so that you"},{"startTime":575.62,"endTime":577.441,"body":"can take a shower without worrying that"},{"startTime":577.461,"endTime":579.442,"body":"they're going to run out into the busy"},{"startTime":579.542,"endTime":582.823,"body":"street or burn the house down. We know"},{"startTime":582.863,"endTime":584.824,"body":"that everyone is a little more susceptible"},{"startTime":584.904,"endTime":586.965,"body":"to getting sick in the winter than the"},{"startTime":587.025,"endTime":590.086,"body":"summer. As a woman, your capacity is"},{"startTime":590.266,"endTime":592.487,"body":"always changing every month. And different"},{"startTime":592.527,"endTime":594.6080000000001,"body":"weeks of the month, you will find that you"},{"startTime":594.648,"endTime":597.75,"body":"have more or less energy. That's to be"},{"startTime":597.85,"endTime":600.678,"body":"expected. And then there's good old"},{"startTime":600.718,"endTime":603.508,"body":"perimenopause, which can start as early as"},{"startTime":603.528,"endTime":607.026,"body":"your 30s. Anytime you experience a big"},{"startTime":607.066,"endTime":610.247,"body":"life change like a move or switching jobs"},{"startTime":610.8870000000001,"endTime":612.808,"body":"or the birth or death of a family member,"},{"startTime":612.988,"endTime":615.41,"body":"your capacity will change. Your job might"},{"startTime":615.45,"endTime":617.37,"body":"have more or less stressful seasons that"},{"startTime":617.39,"endTime":619.711,"body":"go along with it. For instance, if you're"},{"startTime":619.732,"endTime":621.712,"body":"an accountant, then tax season is"},{"startTime":621.953,"endTime":624.394,"body":"infinitely stressful and your capacity for"},{"startTime":624.614,"endTime":627.0550000000001,"body":"anything other than work will feel"},{"startTime":627.115,"endTime":630.256,"body":"strained. Similarly, as a professor, I"},{"startTime":630.316,"endTime":632.938,"body":"know that the end of every semester is"},{"startTime":633.018,"endTime":635.139,"body":"going to be awful. no matter what I try to"},{"startTime":635.179,"endTime":637.842,"body":"do to prepare. Now I can at least just"},{"startTime":638.002,"endTime":641.366,"body":"expect to have limited capacity for other"},{"startTime":641.4060000000001,"endTime":644.088,"body":"things in those moments. And at least it"},{"startTime":644.3290000000001,"endTime":646.731,"body":"saves my brain a lot of the drama and"},{"startTime":646.811,"endTime":649.814,"body":"stress of feeling like something is wrong."},{"startTime":649.955,"endTime":653.072,"body":"It's just the way it is. These are all"},{"startTime":653.232,"endTime":656.517,"body":"examples of natural changes in your"},{"startTime":656.557,"endTime":660.181,"body":"capacity, things that we could expect and"},{"startTime":660.221,"endTime":664.246,"body":"that we really don't want to make wrong if"},{"startTime":664.347,"endTime":668.167,"body":"and when you experience them. The big"},{"startTime":668.247,"endTime":671.389,"body":"point is that you are not a machine. You"},{"startTime":671.449,"endTime":673.99,"body":"are not meant to go at 100% all of the"},{"startTime":674.03,"endTime":676.871,"body":"time. But that's not the message that most"},{"startTime":676.9110000000001,"endTime":679.212,"body":"of us internalized as young girls. At"},{"startTime":679.252,"endTime":681.613,"body":"least not the image given to us by"},{"startTime":681.7330000000001,"endTime":684.695,"body":"standard or what I call toxic productivity"},{"startTime":684.775,"endTime":687.496,"body":"advice. which is built so heavily on"},{"startTime":687.556,"endTime":690.638,"body":"research studies of men and often written"},{"startTime":690.698,"endTime":693.36,"body":"by people who either don't have kids or"},{"startTime":693.4,"endTime":695.441,"body":"might be at a socioeconomic level where"},{"startTime":695.461,"endTime":697.342,"body":"they can afford a lot more help than the"},{"startTime":697.443,"endTime":700.705,"body":"average mom, you're so often told that you"},{"startTime":700.865,"endTime":702.806,"body":"should be able to do it all, to have a"},{"startTime":702.846,"endTime":705.348,"body":"powerful career, keep an immaculate house,"},{"startTime":705.488,"endTime":707.949,"body":"have perfectly behaved kids, and look like"},{"startTime":707.989,"endTime":711.011,"body":"a supermodel. I haven't found that magic"},{"startTime":711.091,"endTime":713.393,"body":"equation yet, so let me know if you have."},{"startTime":714.602,"endTime":717.508,"body":"What I do see over and over in my years of"},{"startTime":717.548,"endTime":719.732,"body":"working with clients, as well as my own"},{"startTime":719.793,"endTime":723.259,"body":"personal experience, is two huge problems."},{"startTime":724.64,"endTime":726.642,"body":"The first problem is equating your"},{"startTime":726.702,"endTime":729.504,"body":"self-worth with either your capability or"},{"startTime":729.605,"endTime":733.7280000000001,"body":"your capacity and making your inability to"},{"startTime":733.788,"endTime":736.651,"body":"do something mean that you are a failure."},{"startTime":737.051,"endTime":740.414,"body":"There is no such thing. Again, you have"},{"startTime":740.635,"endTime":743.237,"body":"infinite capability. Brains can learn"},{"startTime":743.557,"endTime":746.86,"body":"anything. It just takes knowledge, time,"},{"startTime":747.04,"endTime":750.003,"body":"and trial and error. In fact, the fastest"},{"startTime":750.023,"endTime":752.6850000000001,"body":"way to learn is often by failing, which"},{"startTime":752.745,"endTime":755.227,"body":"feels horrible to your brain unless you"},{"startTime":755.327,"endTime":757.3290000000001,"body":"know how to manage your thoughts and"},{"startTime":757.389,"endTime":760.371,"body":"feelings around it. But especially if you"},{"startTime":760.412,"endTime":762.453,"body":"were someone who felt like you had it all"},{"startTime":762.493,"endTime":765.4350000000001,"body":"together before you had kids, It can feel"},{"startTime":765.716,"endTime":768.377,"body":"so threatening to your brain and throw you"},{"startTime":768.517,"endTime":771.119,"body":"into an identity crisis when you can't"},{"startTime":771.279,"endTime":774.221,"body":"keep up with your old standards or others'"},{"startTime":774.301,"endTime":777.203,"body":"perceived expectations. It's such a"},{"startTime":777.283,"endTime":779.785,"body":"vicious battle because it, unlike anything"},{"startTime":779.945,"endTime":783.067,"body":"else, places these impossible, invisible,"},{"startTime":783.627,"endTime":786.368,"body":"and often conflicting expectations upon"},{"startTime":786.428,"endTime":789.789,"body":"you. And what you can do in one season is"},{"startTime":790.009,"endTime":792.13,"body":"very different than what you can do in"},{"startTime":792.21,"endTime":795.091,"body":"another. Just because you can't do it now"},{"startTime":795.351,"endTime":797.5310000000001,"body":"doesn't mean you will never be able to do"},{"startTime":797.651,"endTime":800.232,"body":"it or that you are incapable of doing it"},{"startTime":800.352,"endTime":803.7330000000001,"body":"at all. It just means that it isn't"},{"startTime":803.813,"endTime":806.094,"body":"something immediately available to you"},{"startTime":806.574,"endTime":810.275,"body":"given your very real limitations in terms"},{"startTime":810.315,"endTime":813.711,"body":"of time and energy in this moment. That"},{"startTime":813.831,"endTime":817.114,"body":"won't last forever, I promise. So don't"},{"startTime":817.154,"endTime":819.476,"body":"get discouraged and definitely don't make"},{"startTime":819.516,"endTime":822.018,"body":"it mean that there's anything wrong with"},{"startTime":822.138,"endTime":825.908,"body":"you if you can't do something. The second"},{"startTime":825.948,"endTime":829.872,"body":"problem is way more subtle but way more"},{"startTime":830.0120000000001,"endTime":833.355,"body":"destructive. That is refusing to admit"},{"startTime":833.636,"endTime":836.418,"body":"when your capacity has decreased and then"},{"startTime":836.5790000000001,"endTime":839.482,"body":"continuing to push yourself too hard by"},{"startTime":839.682,"endTime":842.585,"body":"failing to honor your body's natural needs"},{"startTime":842.645,"endTime":845.187,"body":"and limitations to the point that you end"},{"startTime":845.288,"endTime":849.0310000000001,"body":"up burned out or depressed or worse. This"},{"startTime":849.171,"endTime":851.732,"body":"was me multiple times, and especially"},{"startTime":851.852,"endTime":854.293,"body":"after having my first son, when everything"},{"startTime":854.333,"endTime":857.534,"body":"was so new, I had so many questions, I"},{"startTime":857.594,"endTime":859.8340000000001,"body":"didn't have any child care help, and we"},{"startTime":859.854,"endTime":861.975,"body":"had moved away from all of our family and"},{"startTime":862.095,"endTime":864.415,"body":"old network, I was trying to work full"},{"startTime":864.495,"endTime":867.1560000000001,"body":"time, and my sweet son didn't sleep"},{"startTime":867.196,"endTime":869.217,"body":"through the night until he was well over"},{"startTime":869.317,"endTime":871.838,"body":"two years old, but I just kept thinking, I"},{"startTime":872.378,"endTime":874.098,"body":"need to work harder, I've got to push"},{"startTime":874.138,"endTime":876.399,"body":"myself, I can do this, what's wrong with"},{"startTime":876.4590000000001,"endTime":880.902,"body":"me? And I lost it. So I really, really,"},{"startTime":880.942,"endTime":884.485,"body":"really can't say this enough. You have to"},{"startTime":884.645,"endTime":887.568,"body":"embrace your current capacity and"},{"startTime":887.988,"endTime":892.251,"body":"reconcile where you are with what you can"},{"startTime":892.291,"endTime":895.254,"body":"do in this moment, trusting that you will"},{"startTime":895.294,"endTime":898.577,"body":"get to do what you're capable of later on"},{"startTime":899.117,"endTime":901.939,"body":"as your season changes, as your capacity"},{"startTime":902.039,"endTime":905.491,"body":"increases. Here are two questions to"},{"startTime":905.551,"endTime":908.1320000000001,"body":"determine if you have a capability or a"},{"startTime":908.332,"endTime":912.194,"body":"capacity problem. Firstly, do you know how"},{"startTime":912.274,"endTime":915.335,"body":"to do what you're trying to do? If not,"},{"startTime":915.535,"endTime":918.237,"body":"you have a capability problem. The second"},{"startTime":918.277,"endTime":921.078,"body":"question is, do you currently have time"},{"startTime":921.138,"endTime":923.919,"body":"and energy to do what you are trying to"},{"startTime":923.9590000000001,"endTime":926.941,"body":"do? And if not, you have a capacity"},{"startTime":926.961,"endTime":930.4350000000001,"body":"problem. Obviously, the capability problem"},{"startTime":930.615,"endTime":933.017,"body":"is the easier one to solve because the"},{"startTime":933.217,"endTime":936.0,"body":"answer is simply learn how to do it. Get"},{"startTime":936.04,"endTime":939.322,"body":"some training. Find someone that has gone"},{"startTime":939.503,"endTime":941.664,"body":"down that success route before and you can"},{"startTime":941.724,"endTime":944.147,"body":"follow in their proven footsteps. You can"},{"startTime":944.187,"endTime":947.089,"body":"hire a coach. You can buy books or"},{"startTime":947.169,"endTime":950.312,"body":"programs. You can teach yourself and go"},{"startTime":950.352,"endTime":952.734,"body":"through trial and error following the"},{"startTime":952.734,"endTime":955.296,"body":"10,000 hours rule as covered in Malcolm"},{"startTime":955.336,"endTime":957.658,"body":"Gladwell's book, Outliers, where spending"},{"startTime":957.658,"endTime":960.8,"body":"10,000 hours on something might make you"},{"startTime":960.96,"endTime":963.702,"body":"an expert because it myelinates the neural"},{"startTime":963.782,"endTime":966.405,"body":"pathways that make that activity or"},{"startTime":966.465,"endTime":969.107,"body":"behavior automatic and excellent. The"},{"startTime":969.127,"endTime":971.469,"body":"great news is that if it's a capacity"},{"startTime":971.509,"endTime":974.571,"body":"problem, there are still lots of possible"},{"startTime":974.611,"endTime":977.4830000000001,"body":"solutions. Your brain might not want to"},{"startTime":977.523,"endTime":980.965,"body":"hear them, but they are to pare back for"},{"startTime":981.025,"endTime":985.347,"body":"now, to really let yourself rest, accept"},{"startTime":985.3870000000001,"endTime":987.868,"body":"your current reality, and wait for things"},{"startTime":987.948,"endTime":990.649,"body":"to get better. In those moments of"},{"startTime":990.73,"endTime":994.331,"body":"waiting, I know you can feel so frustrated"},{"startTime":994.5310000000001,"endTime":997.213,"body":"and helpless, but you can use those"},{"startTime":997.273,"endTime":1001.495,"body":"moments to dream, to envision your future"},{"startTime":1001.5550000000001,"endTime":1004.657,"body":"life, to focus on all that you're grateful"},{"startTime":1004.717,"endTime":1008.064,"body":"for, And then there are a couple of ways"},{"startTime":1008.124,"endTime":1011.5070000000001,"body":"that you can increase your capacity by"},{"startTime":1011.788,"endTime":1014.3100000000001,"body":"asking for help, which I know hardly"},{"startTime":1014.39,"endTime":1017.414,"body":"anybody wants to do, but that does"},{"startTime":1017.514,"endTime":1020.837,"body":"legitimately allow for things to get done"},{"startTime":1021.398,"endTime":1023.8,"body":"by taking other things off your plate so"},{"startTime":1023.82,"endTime":1025.943,"body":"that you can use your time and energy for"},{"startTime":1026.183,"endTime":1029.667,"body":"what you want. The second way to increase"},{"startTime":1029.687,"endTime":1032.09,"body":"your capacity is to learn your body's"},{"startTime":1032.31,"endTime":1034.8329999999999,"body":"natural energy rhythms so that you can"},{"startTime":1034.913,"endTime":1037.657,"body":"identify what I call your peak performance"},{"startTime":1037.7169999999999,"endTime":1040.78,"body":"windows and know in advance how much"},{"startTime":1040.9009999999998,"endTime":1043.584,"body":"energy you will have for whatever you're"},{"startTime":1043.604,"endTime":1046.7269999999999,"body":"trying to do. This is such a game changer"},{"startTime":1046.887,"endTime":1048.9489999999998,"body":"and something we will cover much more in"},{"startTime":1049.009,"endTime":1052.792,"body":"future podcast episodes. But again, if any"},{"startTime":1052.912,"endTime":1056.075,"body":"of these solutions, these remedies for a"},{"startTime":1056.115,"endTime":1058.157,"body":"capacity problem, if they feel triggering"},{"startTime":1058.2369999999999,"endTime":1060.759,"body":"to you, as they definitely did for me a"},{"startTime":1060.799,"endTime":1063.3609999999999,"body":"while back, then I invite you to dig"},{"startTime":1063.421,"endTime":1066.943,"body":"deeper into why you feel such pressure to"},{"startTime":1067.023,"endTime":1069.364,"body":"do it all and to perform at such a high"},{"startTime":1069.404,"endTime":1072.085,"body":"level. These are the things that I just"},{"startTime":1072.166,"endTime":1074.147,"body":"love helping my one-on-one clients delve"},{"startTime":1074.187,"endTime":1077.709,"body":"into and overcome because there is no"},{"startTime":1077.969,"endTime":1081.01,"body":"shame in your shifting capacity. It is"},{"startTime":1081.13,"endTime":1083.692,"body":"completely normal and to be expected."},{"startTime":1084.272,"endTime":1086.913,"body":"Fighting it is what makes it worse. The"},{"startTime":1086.933,"endTime":1089.593,"body":"more you can honor your capacity, the more"},{"startTime":1089.633,"endTime":1092.854,"body":"you can work from peace, not pressure, you"},{"startTime":1092.894,"endTime":1095.614,"body":"will be amazed at how much more productive"},{"startTime":1095.754,"endTime":1098.035,"body":"and joyful you become when you rid your"},{"startTime":1098.055,"endTime":1099.975,"body":"brain of all the mind drama you have"},{"startTime":1099.9950000000001,"endTime":1102.916,"body":"around this stuff and just sink into what"},{"startTime":1102.996,"endTime":1106.416,"body":"you can do. We will keep unpacking all"},{"startTime":1106.456,"endTime":1110.371,"body":"that and more in future episodes. For now,"},{"startTime":1110.551,"endTime":1112.794,"body":"your homework is to journal on your"},{"startTime":1112.834,"endTime":1114.476,"body":"thoughts surrounding your current"},{"startTime":1114.496,"endTime":1117.3,"body":"capacity. Do you feel able to do what you"},{"startTime":1117.36,"endTime":1120.264,"body":"want to do in this season of life? Why or"},{"startTime":1120.324,"endTime":1123.829,"body":"why not? And if not, what are you making"},{"startTime":1123.889,"endTime":1127.92,"body":"that mean about yourself? If you are in a"},{"startTime":1127.96,"endTime":1130.521,"body":"season of low capacity, I just want to"},{"startTime":1130.561,"endTime":1133.583,"body":"encourage you. You can only do what you"},{"startTime":1133.623,"endTime":1137.264,"body":"can do, but that's so hard to accept and"},{"startTime":1137.464,"endTime":1140.865,"body":"oftentimes it causes moms to sacrifice"},{"startTime":1141.026,"endTime":1143.687,"body":"themselves for the good of everything else"},{"startTime":1143.707,"endTime":1146.568,"body":"they're trying to do. and you abandon your"},{"startTime":1146.648,"endTime":1149.069,"body":"needs and goals altogether. That's what"},{"startTime":1149.109,"endTime":1151.21,"body":"happened to me and I don't want it to"},{"startTime":1151.251,"endTime":1153.292,"body":"happen to you. So join me in the next"},{"startTime":1153.372,"endTime":1155.853,"body":"episode where we will delve into five"},{"startTime":1156.013,"endTime":1158.775,"body":"reasons dreams die and have a real heart"},{"startTime":1158.815,"endTime":1161.496,"body":"to heart on how not to let fluctuations in"},{"startTime":1161.536,"endTime":1164.157,"body":"your capacity keep you from making your"},{"startTime":1164.198,"endTime":1166.619,"body":"dreams reality. Until then, remember"},{"startTime":1166.839,"endTime":1169.48,"body":"nothing you do changes how wonderful and"},{"startTime":1169.54,"endTime":1173.062,"body":"worthy you are. Have a great day. I know"},{"startTime":1173.122,"endTime":1175.263,"body":"more than anyone how precious your time"},{"startTime":1175.424,"endTime":1177.244,"body":"is, so the fact that you spent it"},{"startTime":1177.405,"endTime":1179.686,"body":"listening to this podcast means the world."},{"startTime":1180.166,"endTime":1182.307,"body":"Make sure to subscribe, and if you got"},{"startTime":1182.347,"endTime":1184.688,"body":"value out of this show, I would be so"},{"startTime":1184.868,"endTime":1187.13,"body":"honored if you'd leave a review and share"},{"startTime":1187.19,"endTime":1189.411,"body":"this episode with another busy mama who"},{"startTime":1189.431,"endTime":1191.252,"body":"needs to hear it. We've got this."}]}