{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":0.191,"endTime":2.312,"body":"It's time to call out one of the biggest"},{"startTime":2.452,"endTime":6.415,"body":"saboteurs out there, mom guilt. All moms"},{"startTime":6.475,"endTime":8.796,"body":"experience it, but I'm willing to bet that"},{"startTime":8.856,"endTime":11.978,"body":"you have no idea how much of your precious"},{"startTime":11.998,"endTime":14.359,"body":"time and energy it is stealing. You're"},{"startTime":14.399,"endTime":16.681,"body":"told to just get over it and not feel"},{"startTime":16.721,"endTime":19.982,"body":"guilty, but it is not that simple. In this"},{"startTime":20.082,"endTime":22.804,"body":"episode, we are talking about how vicious"},{"startTime":22.864,"endTime":25.365,"body":"mom guilt is, where it really comes from,"},{"startTime":25.726,"endTime":28.067,"body":"and the thing that might finally help you"},{"startTime":28.207,"endTime":30.99,"body":"overcome it for good. Welcome to More Time"},{"startTime":31.03,"endTime":33.233,"body":"for Mom, where overwhelmed moms get"},{"startTime":33.333,"endTime":35.656,"body":"science-backed strategies to overcome the"},{"startTime":35.716,"endTime":37.699,"body":"hidden sources of stress stealing your"},{"startTime":37.759,"endTime":40.563,"body":"time and joy. I'm your host, Dr. Amber"},{"startTime":40.583,"endTime":42.786,"body":"Curtis. Ready to make more time for you?"},{"startTime":43.387,"endTime":48.378,"body":"Let's dive in. Ugh, if I had a dollar for"},{"startTime":48.738,"endTime":51.84,"body":"every minute I have wasted suffering from"},{"startTime":51.88,"endTime":55.043,"body":"mom guilt, I would be living in a mansion,"},{"startTime":55.183,"endTime":57.184,"body":"wouldn't have to work, everything would"},{"startTime":57.204,"endTime":61.027,"body":"just be perfection. Instead, I have"},{"startTime":61.087,"endTime":63.729,"body":"wrestled with mom guilt so badly over the"},{"startTime":63.749,"endTime":67.452,"body":"years. And I know I am not alone. In fact,"},{"startTime":67.612,"endTime":72.416,"body":"statistics show that 94% of moms report"},{"startTime":72.536,"endTime":74.739,"body":"having mom guilt. It is something that"},{"startTime":74.779,"endTime":77.843,"body":"virtually everyone experiences to some"},{"startTime":77.883,"endTime":81.329,"body":"degree or another. And I just really want"},{"startTime":81.369,"endTime":84.473,"body":"to unpack in this episode why it is so"},{"startTime":84.534,"endTime":87.258,"body":"vicious, why it keeps coming up and it's"},{"startTime":87.418,"endTime":90.761,"body":"so hard to solve. why so many of the"},{"startTime":90.921,"endTime":93.142,"body":"solutions you have been given in the past"},{"startTime":93.442,"endTime":95.763,"body":"haven't helped you decrease your sense of"},{"startTime":95.823,"endTime":99.244,"body":"guilt and then share with you the single"},{"startTime":99.404,"endTime":102.666,"body":"most powerful thing that I stumbled upon"},{"startTime":102.726,"endTime":106.727,"body":"last fall that finally helped me ditch the"},{"startTime":106.767,"endTime":109.428,"body":"mom guilt for good. Just to set the"},{"startTime":109.448,"endTime":112.41,"body":"baseline, I'm sure you know what I mean"},{"startTime":112.53,"endTime":114.711,"body":"when I say mom guilt, but the Cleveland"},{"startTime":114.791,"endTime":117.572,"body":"Clinic defines mom guilt as feelings of"},{"startTime":117.732,"endTime":120.633,"body":"guilt or shame that you feel when you're"},{"startTime":120.874,"endTime":123.075,"body":"not living up to your own or others'"},{"startTime":123.155,"endTime":127.076,"body":"expectations. It's that sense of failing,"},{"startTime":127.837,"endTime":129.377,"body":"something you feel like you are doing"},{"startTime":129.397,"endTime":133.459,"body":"wrong. which inevitably triggers such"},{"startTime":133.66,"endTime":137.141,"body":"immense stress and it leads to anxiety,"},{"startTime":137.261,"endTime":140.243,"body":"depression, can lead to chronic disease"},{"startTime":140.363,"endTime":143.705,"body":"and other big mental health concerns. It's"},{"startTime":143.805,"endTime":146.646,"body":"something that we don't want but feels"},{"startTime":146.946,"endTime":148.987,"body":"like such an inevitable part of"},{"startTime":149.228,"endTime":153.109,"body":"motherhood. What to do? I don't know about"},{"startTime":153.169,"endTime":155.971,"body":"you, but mom guilt was something I never"},{"startTime":156.131,"endTime":159.373,"body":"expected. I had never in my life heard of"},{"startTime":159.494,"endTime":162.736,"body":"it until it washed over me as soon as I"},{"startTime":162.776,"endTime":165.198,"body":"had my first son. Looking back, I guess"},{"startTime":165.218,"endTime":167.48,"body":"the feelings of mom guilt started even"},{"startTime":167.5,"endTime":169.681,"body":"during pregnancy, thinking that I needed"},{"startTime":169.741,"endTime":173.025,"body":"to find all of the right things, the right"},{"startTime":173.085,"endTime":174.666,"body":"car seat, the right stroller, the right"},{"startTime":174.766,"endTime":176.488,"body":"crib. Are you going to breastfeed or"},{"startTime":176.528,"endTime":178.69,"body":"bottle feed? And you're just bombarded"},{"startTime":178.731,"endTime":182.675,"body":"with all of these options that really led"},{"startTime":182.775,"endTime":185.918,"body":"me to feel like there must be one right"},{"startTime":186.038,"endTime":190.104,"body":"way to do everything. Moms experience so"},{"startTime":190.324,"endTime":193.065,"body":"much societal pressure. There are all of"},{"startTime":193.125,"endTime":195.806,"body":"these images out there and stereotypes of"},{"startTime":195.866,"endTime":199.348,"body":"what the perfect mom looks like or does"},{"startTime":199.528,"endTime":202.849,"body":"or, again, how her kids behave. I just"},{"startTime":202.869,"endTime":205.731,"body":"think we are not in any way adequately"},{"startTime":205.791,"endTime":208.612,"body":"prepared for the reality of motherhood"},{"startTime":209.072,"endTime":211.793,"body":"until it is upon us. Then we find"},{"startTime":211.873,"endTime":214.554,"body":"ourselves with a very common lack of"},{"startTime":214.614,"endTime":217.498,"body":"support Everything in your life is"},{"startTime":217.598,"endTime":220.604,"body":"different and yet you are expected to look"},{"startTime":220.684,"endTime":223.189,"body":"and perform like you did before you had"},{"startTime":223.249,"endTime":226.996,"body":"kids while also being the perfect mom and"},{"startTime":227.057,"endTime":230.984,"body":"wife at home. This gets exacerbated by"},{"startTime":231.124,"endTime":234.566,"body":"social media and comparison because others"},{"startTime":234.646,"endTime":237.847,"body":"can make it look so easy, which then"},{"startTime":237.927,"endTime":240.569,"body":"contradicts your personal experience and"},{"startTime":240.609,"endTime":242.97,"body":"then you don't know what is really normal"},{"startTime":243.17,"endTime":245.971,"body":"or not. I'm so thankful that more women"},{"startTime":246.111,"endTime":247.952,"body":"are speaking out about this now, but 12"},{"startTime":248.633,"endTime":251.655,"body":"years ago when I had my first son, I felt"},{"startTime":251.715,"endTime":254.98,"body":"like all I saw were depictions of the"},{"startTime":255.02,"endTime":257.403,"body":"perfect mom and everybody having it all"},{"startTime":257.463,"endTime":260.909,"body":"together, which made me feel like I was"},{"startTime":260.969,"endTime":263.908,"body":"the problem. So I just worked harder and"},{"startTime":263.968,"endTime":266.209,"body":"harder to try and keep up with it all and"},{"startTime":266.269,"endTime":268.89,"body":"to seek out the right way to do"},{"startTime":269.03,"endTime":271.551,"body":"everything. You worry that if you get it"},{"startTime":271.751,"endTime":273.992,"body":"wrong in one dimension, then you've"},{"startTime":274.032,"endTime":276.153,"body":"somehow messed your kids up for life,"},{"startTime":276.213,"endTime":278.214,"body":"right? Like if your birth didn't go as"},{"startTime":278.294,"endTime":280.255,"body":"planned, or if you had trouble"},{"startTime":280.295,"endTime":281.796,"body":"breastfeeding and ended up needing to"},{"startTime":281.836,"endTime":284.938,"body":"bottle feed, or if your child is having"},{"startTime":284.998,"endTime":288.44,"body":"some sort of developmental delay or ends"},{"startTime":288.52,"endTime":291.143,"body":"up with special needs, then it's really"},{"startTime":291.343,"endTime":294.526,"body":"easy to perceive criticism from others."},{"startTime":295.146,"endTime":297.148,"body":"This might be well-intentioned family"},{"startTime":297.188,"endTime":299.59,"body":"members who are offering advice or it"},{"startTime":299.61,"endTime":302.693,"body":"could even be your pediatrician. It can be"},{"startTime":302.913,"endTime":305.636,"body":"the online sources that you find and they"},{"startTime":305.676,"endTime":307.758,"body":"are making it seem like everything should"},{"startTime":307.818,"endTime":310.16,"body":"be one way when that doesn't match your"},{"startTime":310.32,"endTime":314.112,"body":"reality. Mom guilt can also come from"},{"startTime":314.132,"endTime":316.714,"body":"trying to figure out your own parenting"},{"startTime":316.794,"endTime":320.377,"body":"style, which is so hard because I don't"},{"startTime":320.417,"endTime":321.958,"body":"know about you, but these were not"},{"startTime":322.018,"endTime":324.961,"body":"conversations my husband and I had until"},{"startTime":324.981,"endTime":328.724,"body":"we were going through it. It was only then"},{"startTime":328.824,"endTime":332.667,"body":"that we realized how we were each raised a"},{"startTime":332.727,"endTime":336.029,"body":"different way and how we had then thought"},{"startTime":336.069,"endTime":338.551,"body":"we might handle this kind of situation"},{"startTime":338.712,"endTime":341.234,"body":"with our own children. We had to really"},{"startTime":341.294,"endTime":343.876,"body":"sift through what we agreed upon or not."},{"startTime":344.496,"endTime":346.697,"body":"Then there are these big generational"},{"startTime":346.778,"endTime":351.24,"body":"shifts in how society used to parent kids"},{"startTime":351.321,"endTime":354.443,"body":"or what the default parenting method was"},{"startTime":354.903,"endTime":357.485,"body":"versus now we have so much more"},{"startTime":357.545,"endTime":361.887,"body":"appreciation for kids as their own unique"},{"startTime":361.967,"endTime":365.029,"body":"beings instead of the old expectations"},{"startTime":365.11,"endTime":367.571,"body":"that children should be basically mini"},{"startTime":367.671,"endTime":370.173,"body":"adults and they should keep adults happy"},{"startTime":370.293,"endTime":373.115,"body":"and act in ways that didn't trigger us."},{"startTime":374.409,"endTime":377.495,"body":"But it's really, really hard then to stick"},{"startTime":377.555,"endTime":380.86,"body":"with your parenting choices around other"},{"startTime":380.921,"endTime":383.926,"body":"family members, like your parents, right?"},{"startTime":383.986,"endTime":385.969,"body":"When they see that you're making different"},{"startTime":386.01,"endTime":389.914,"body":"choices than they made. Mom guilt comes in"},{"startTime":390.134,"endTime":393.337,"body":"when we are unable to keep our kids happy"},{"startTime":393.437,"endTime":395.84,"body":"all of the time. Anytime they are"},{"startTime":395.92,"endTime":398.702,"body":"experiencing big emotions or frustrations,"},{"startTime":399.143,"endTime":401.225,"body":"especially if they are acting out in"},{"startTime":401.325,"endTime":405.128,"body":"public, it can be so humiliating and make"},{"startTime":405.168,"endTime":408.011,"body":"you feel like you are doing it wrong. When"},{"startTime":408.051,"endTime":410.714,"body":"in reality, they are just having their"},{"startTime":410.754,"endTime":413.556,"body":"moment and needing to let the emotion pass"},{"startTime":413.616,"endTime":417.246,"body":"through. You can experience mom guilt when"},{"startTime":417.326,"endTime":420.828,"body":"you feel bored or if you are willing to"},{"startTime":420.909,"endTime":424.531,"body":"admit that you're not 100% fulfilled just"},{"startTime":424.651,"endTime":428.553,"body":"by motherhood. I, for one, always dreamed"},{"startTime":428.713,"endTime":431.415,"body":"of being a wife and a mom. And I always"},{"startTime":431.455,"endTime":433.956,"body":"thought I would be a housewife and"},{"startTime":434.217,"endTime":436.118,"body":"couldn't wait to stay home with my kids."},{"startTime":436.698,"endTime":439.982,"body":"But that didn't end up being my reality. I"},{"startTime":440.123,"endTime":444.108,"body":"felt so torn and guilty over needing to"},{"startTime":444.168,"endTime":446.451,"body":"work, my family was dependent on my"},{"startTime":446.571,"endTime":449.775,"body":"income, and I just felt like such a"},{"startTime":449.835,"endTime":452.98,"body":"horrible mom because I worked outside the"},{"startTime":453.02,"endTime":455.874,"body":"home from the beginning. Somehow, I had"},{"startTime":455.914,"endTime":458.596,"body":"acquired this belief that a good mom"},{"startTime":459.076,"endTime":462.138,"body":"didn't work and would be at her kids' beck"},{"startTime":462.178,"endTime":466.001,"body":"and call 24-7, which really just isn't"},{"startTime":466.061,"endTime":468.683,"body":"reality, even if you don't work outside"},{"startTime":468.723,"endTime":471.785,"body":"the home. Even stay-at-home moms report"},{"startTime":471.845,"endTime":474.567,"body":"feeling major mom guilt. So it's really"},{"startTime":474.667,"endTime":477.869,"body":"not about whether you work or not or"},{"startTime":477.909,"endTime":479.511,"body":"whether you have to leave your kids in"},{"startTime":479.571,"endTime":483.253,"body":"child care or not. It comes in when you"},{"startTime":483.374,"endTime":485.435,"body":"are making decisions about what to feed"},{"startTime":485.475,"endTime":488.398,"body":"your kids and how much screen time to"},{"startTime":488.518,"endTime":491.38,"body":"allow. Whether you might have concerns"},{"startTime":491.44,"endTime":494.382,"body":"about your kids' weight or health or think"},{"startTime":494.422,"endTime":496.224,"body":"that they should be doing certain"},{"startTime":496.304,"endTime":498.546,"body":"activities and you're driving yourself"},{"startTime":498.666,"endTime":500.607,"body":"crazy trying to get them to all these"},{"startTime":500.667,"endTime":503.89,"body":"places. Maybe they struggle in school and"},{"startTime":503.97,"endTime":506.592,"body":"you feel like that's somehow a reflection"},{"startTime":506.832,"endTime":510.295,"body":"on you. All of these things add to our"},{"startTime":510.375,"endTime":514.658,"body":"guilt. But then mom guilt comes in so hard"},{"startTime":515.159,"endTime":518.381,"body":"in terms of our time. Because as a mom,"},{"startTime":518.982,"endTime":522.584,"body":"your time is not your own. It is so"},{"startTime":522.744,"endTime":526.307,"body":"inevitably dictated by your kids' needs"},{"startTime":526.427,"endTime":529.549,"body":"and schedules. Even when you want to make"},{"startTime":529.609,"endTime":532.011,"body":"time for yourself or just take care of"},{"startTime":532.051,"endTime":535.413,"body":"your own basic needs, let alone make"},{"startTime":535.453,"endTime":537.074,"body":"traction towards your big dreams and"},{"startTime":537.114,"endTime":541.137,"body":"goals, it can feel so impossible. It's so"},{"startTime":541.197,"endTime":545.119,"body":"hard to ask for help. I know that I wasn't"},{"startTime":545.18,"endTime":547.601,"body":"even comfortable leaving my first son with"},{"startTime":547.661,"endTime":550.203,"body":"a babysitter until he was almost a year"},{"startTime":550.383,"endTime":553.385,"body":"old. If I'm honest, I was even nervous"},{"startTime":553.465,"endTime":555.786,"body":"leaving him alone with my husband when I"},{"startTime":555.826,"endTime":558.388,"body":"had to go to work. Which was absolutely"},{"startTime":558.648,"endTime":561.15,"body":"not any reflection on my husband. It"},{"startTime":561.25,"endTime":564.952,"body":"simply was a sign that I was crazy. And"},{"startTime":566.253,"endTime":569.855,"body":"I just couldn't, I just couldn't stand to"},{"startTime":569.895,"endTime":572.836,"body":"be away from my son. But then I felt so"},{"startTime":573.036,"endTime":575.898,"body":"overwhelmed by not having any time for"},{"startTime":576.018,"endTime":578.6,"body":"myself. I thought that I needed to be"},{"startTime":578.94,"endTime":581.381,"body":"fully attentive to him, all of his waking"},{"startTime":581.421,"endTime":584.543,"body":"moments, Even to the point of not wanting"},{"startTime":584.563,"endTime":587.043,"body":"to go take a shower because I thought that"},{"startTime":587.063,"endTime":589.804,"body":"then I might not be instantly available if"},{"startTime":589.844,"endTime":593.325,"body":"he needed me. Clearly that's an unhealthy"},{"startTime":593.465,"endTime":596.146,"body":"extreme and I hope you haven't experienced"},{"startTime":596.206,"endTime":599.887,"body":"mom guilt to that degree. But it is"},{"startTime":600.227,"endTime":602.888,"body":"everywhere. It's so common and it just"},{"startTime":602.968,"endTime":606.629,"body":"pervades every season of mom life. It is"},{"startTime":606.749,"endTime":609.23,"body":"not something that is limited to the"},{"startTime":609.27,"endTime":612.051,"body":"postpartum period or to toddler mom life"},{"startTime":612.831,"endTime":616.012,"body":"or to having elementary school kids. I"},{"startTime":616.052,"endTime":618.492,"body":"think this is something that we are just"},{"startTime":618.732,"endTime":621.813,"body":"inevitably going to battle every step of"},{"startTime":621.873,"endTime":625.294,"body":"the way until we learn what it really is"},{"startTime":625.774,"endTime":629.861,"body":"and how to dispel it. Mom guilt is"},{"startTime":684.193,"endTime":688.412,"body":"actually a really good thing. It comes"},{"startTime":688.532,"endTime":691.4540000000001,"body":"from such a beautiful place. It's a"},{"startTime":691.514,"endTime":694.457,"body":"reflection of your desire to give your"},{"startTime":694.557,"endTime":698.16,"body":"kids the best. It means that you love them"},{"startTime":698.54,"endTime":702.643,"body":"so much and feel such responsibility for"},{"startTime":702.663,"endTime":705.285,"body":"their sweet little souls. And that's not"},{"startTime":705.486,"endTime":708.648,"body":"wrong. It's a wonderful sign that you"},{"startTime":708.768,"endTime":712.5310000000001,"body":"care, okay? Mom guilt is a good thing. It"},{"startTime":712.571,"endTime":715.9780000000001,"body":"is a sign that you care. If you didn't,"},{"startTime":716.158,"endTime":718.8,"body":"you wouldn't feel guilty. So we need to"},{"startTime":718.94,"endTime":721.663,"body":"recognize it for what it is, which is"},{"startTime":721.963,"endTime":725.326,"body":"proof that you are a good mom doing her"},{"startTime":725.426,"endTime":729.97,"body":"best. But left unattended, mom guilt"},{"startTime":730.331,"endTime":733.674,"body":"just grows and grows until it leads not"},{"startTime":733.714,"endTime":736.477,"body":"just to chronic stress, but to depression,"},{"startTime":736.497,"endTime":740.002,"body":"and we might hate to admit it, but rage"},{"startTime":740.263,"endTime":742.967,"body":"and resentment, which is not good for"},{"startTime":743.167,"endTime":746.592,"body":"anyone, especially not our kids that we"},{"startTime":746.692,"endTime":750.424,"body":"love and want to protect so much. Yet the"},{"startTime":750.524,"endTime":753.525,"body":"typical solutions you are given are not"},{"startTime":753.865,"endTime":756.306,"body":"really helpful at all in my opinion. I"},{"startTime":756.986,"endTime":760.107,"body":"tried each of these and I still wrestled"},{"startTime":760.147,"endTime":763.348,"body":"with mom guilt so badly. The first most"},{"startTime":763.408,"endTime":765.848,"body":"common solution that gets offered is to"},{"startTime":765.968,"endTime":768.95,"body":"just get over it. My sweet husband, for"},{"startTime":769.05,"endTime":773.494,"body":"example, was always confused as to why I"},{"startTime":773.914,"endTime":776.797,"body":"felt so anxious and worried over all of"},{"startTime":776.837,"endTime":778.818,"body":"these things, why I was feeling guilty"},{"startTime":778.938,"endTime":782.1610000000001,"body":"over X, Y, Z. And through conversations"},{"startTime":782.241,"endTime":785.464,"body":"I've had with him, I realized that mom"},{"startTime":785.484,"endTime":788.506,"body":"guilt is something pretty unique to women."},{"startTime":788.586,"endTime":790.588,"body":"For instance, there's no real such thing"},{"startTime":790.7280000000001,"endTime":792.69,"body":"as dad guilt. You don't hear this"},{"startTime":792.77,"endTime":796.888,"body":"conversation in society. We could go on"},{"startTime":796.928,"endTime":798.989,"body":"and on about different gender norms and"},{"startTime":799.029,"endTime":801.271,"body":"how things have and haven't changed. I am"},{"startTime":801.331,"endTime":804.4540000000001,"body":"so thankful that my husband is so involved"},{"startTime":804.534,"endTime":807.076,"body":"and helpful at home and we have worked"},{"startTime":807.196,"endTime":809.458,"body":"really hard to divide the labor over the"},{"startTime":809.498,"endTime":812.24,"body":"years since we both work outside the home."},{"startTime":812.721,"endTime":816.564,"body":"But again, overcoming mom guilt is not as"},{"startTime":816.624,"endTime":819.026,"body":"simple as just flipping the switch and not"},{"startTime":819.146,"endTime":822.372,"body":"caring about these things anymore. Another"},{"startTime":822.412,"endTime":824.4540000000001,"body":"solution you hear all the time is to just"},{"startTime":824.634,"endTime":828.136,"body":"give yourself more grace to replace your"},{"startTime":828.216,"endTime":830.8580000000001,"body":"negative self-talk with all these positive"},{"startTime":830.9780000000001,"endTime":834.421,"body":"affirmations. But that, to me, always felt"},{"startTime":834.6610000000001,"endTime":838.324,"body":"so superficial. Even if your rational"},{"startTime":838.404,"endTime":841.966,"body":"brain recognizes the validity of those"},{"startTime":842.106,"endTime":846.109,"body":"affirmations, it can still feel false. It"},{"startTime":846.149,"endTime":849.232,"body":"can still feel out of alignment with your"},{"startTime":849.432,"endTime":851.813,"body":"personal experience. That's where"},{"startTime":851.873,"endTime":854.414,"body":"identifying the source of your mom guilt"},{"startTime":854.474,"endTime":857.135,"body":"can really be helpful. You've got to"},{"startTime":857.195,"endTime":859.976,"body":"dissect where your personal beliefs about"},{"startTime":860.037,"endTime":864.218,"body":"what a good mom is or does come from. It's"},{"startTime":864.338,"endTime":867.399,"body":"often wrapped up in what your mom did or"},{"startTime":867.499,"endTime":871.1610000000001,"body":"how you felt about her or what you have"},{"startTime":871.321,"endTime":873.622,"body":"internalized from societal messages."},{"startTime":875.366,"endTime":877.627,"body":"Another common solution moms are given is"},{"startTime":877.687,"endTime":881.468,"body":"to just ask for help so that you have more"},{"startTime":881.568,"endTime":884.97,"body":"time freed up or more capacity for taking"},{"startTime":885.03,"endTime":887.631,"body":"care of yourself and doing what you need"},{"startTime":887.671,"endTime":891.472,"body":"to do but we all know that asking for help"},{"startTime":892.092,"endTime":896.073,"body":"is really hard and it is vulnerable. It's"},{"startTime":896.393,"endTime":899.374,"body":"really triggering for those of us who are"},{"startTime":899.4540000000001,"endTime":901.894,"body":"people pleasers and perfectionists and who"},{"startTime":901.934,"endTime":904.635,"body":"have prided ourselves on being able to do"},{"startTime":904.755,"endTime":907.836,"body":"so much in the past. It takes a lot of"},{"startTime":907.956,"endTime":910.756,"body":"strength to even admit that you are"},{"startTime":910.836,"endTime":913.6370000000001,"body":"struggling and then even once you are,"},{"startTime":914.337,"endTime":916.938,"body":"It's exhausting and overwhelming to try"},{"startTime":917.098,"endTime":919.859,"body":"and figure out where to ask for help and"},{"startTime":920.22,"endTime":922.721,"body":"getting the right help. For instance, is"},{"startTime":922.761,"endTime":924.6610000000001,"body":"this babysitter or this child care"},{"startTime":924.721,"endTime":927.002,"body":"facility, is this other person going to"},{"startTime":927.423,"endTime":930.824,"body":"take good care of my child? Because moms"},{"startTime":930.884,"endTime":933.245,"body":"need to know that your babies are in good"},{"startTime":933.285,"endTime":936.206,"body":"hands in order to have your brain relax"},{"startTime":936.326,"endTime":938.747,"body":"and focus and then use your time for what"},{"startTime":938.767,"endTime":941.843,"body":"you're trying to do. The solution I"},{"startTime":941.903,"endTime":944.904,"body":"despise is when you're told to just"},{"startTime":945.044,"endTime":948.066,"body":"prioritize yourself. That common refrain"},{"startTime":948.106,"endTime":950.968,"body":"that self-care isn't selfish and you just"},{"startTime":951.028,"endTime":953.769,"body":"have to make it non-negotiable. I don't"},{"startTime":953.8290000000001,"endTime":957.812,"body":"know what mom can do that without feeling"},{"startTime":958.172,"endTime":961.234,"body":"some sense of guilt. If you are able to do"},{"startTime":961.294,"endTime":963.595,"body":"that, come and tell me your secrets. DM me"},{"startTime":963.655,"endTime":965.976,"body":"on Instagram at Solutions for Simplicity"},{"startTime":966.056,"endTime":969.69,"body":"because I'm always on the hunt for real"},{"startTime":969.89,"endTime":973.391,"body":"actionable tips that work. But even in"},{"startTime":973.471,"endTime":976.071,"body":"seasons where I did try to make myself"},{"startTime":976.1320000000001,"endTime":978.712,"body":"more of a priority, I would then find that"},{"startTime":978.772,"endTime":982.473,"body":"it only lasted so long and something would"},{"startTime":982.533,"endTime":985.714,"body":"change like a kid would get sick or we"},{"startTime":985.754,"endTime":988.754,"body":"would have a sleep regression or family"},{"startTime":988.774,"endTime":990.635,"body":"would come to visit and it threw off our"},{"startTime":990.675,"endTime":993.396,"body":"whole routine In the past, I tried to take"},{"startTime":993.456,"endTime":995.836,"body":"advantage of the advice to just get up"},{"startTime":995.896,"endTime":997.877,"body":"before your kids get up so that you could"},{"startTime":997.917,"endTime":1000.658,"body":"have a little bit of time to, you know,"},{"startTime":1000.738,"endTime":1002.719,"body":"start your day off in peace or get"},{"startTime":1002.759,"endTime":1005.66,"body":"yourself ready. But I always found that my"},{"startTime":1005.74,"endTime":1008.841,"body":"kids just woke up even earlier. It was"},{"startTime":1009.041,"endTime":1011.2620000000001,"body":"like they had this extra six cents or"},{"startTime":1011.302,"endTime":1013.283,"body":"something that I was up and they wanted to"},{"startTime":1013.363,"endTime":1017.734,"body":"be with me. It's just so hard to"},{"startTime":1017.974,"endTime":1021.6560000000001,"body":"actually have consistency around taking"},{"startTime":1021.696,"endTime":1025.358,"body":"care of yourself. The last solution that I"},{"startTime":1025.399,"endTime":1028.6599999999999,"body":"have seen out there is to admit you can't"},{"startTime":1028.72,"endTime":1031.422,"body":"do everything, just make peace with that"},{"startTime":1031.482,"endTime":1034.984,"body":"fact, and instead focus on what you are"},{"startTime":1035.264,"endTime":1037.7659999999998,"body":"doing well. And I do agree this is"},{"startTime":1037.826,"endTime":1040.808,"body":"important, right? We so often fail to give"},{"startTime":1040.848,"endTime":1043.4099999999999,"body":"ourselves credit for how much you are"},{"startTime":1043.61,"endTime":1047.0729999999999,"body":"doing and how well you do it, even if it"},{"startTime":1047.113,"endTime":1050.2759999999998,"body":"doesn't feel so great in the moment. In"},{"startTime":1050.336,"endTime":1053.9379999999999,"body":"most cases, everything is going just fine,"},{"startTime":1054.459,"endTime":1057.6009999999999,"body":"but you have trained your brain from an"},{"startTime":1057.721,"endTime":1061.0639999999999,"body":"early age to think that fine is wrong."},{"startTime":1061.144,"endTime":1064.845,"body":"Fine is bad because it's not perfect. So"},{"startTime":1065.126,"endTime":1067.629,"body":"if these solutions haven't cut it for you,"},{"startTime":1067.97,"endTime":1071.7949999999998,"body":"and if you, like me, have agonized over"},{"startTime":1071.935,"endTime":1075.44,"body":"feeling guilty for so many years, I want"},{"startTime":1075.46,"endTime":1078.264,"body":"to share with you the one thing that"},{"startTime":1078.7450000000001,"endTime":1082.57,"body":"finally clicked. I'm really in awe now"},{"startTime":1082.69,"endTime":1085.814,"body":"having this epiphany and realization"},{"startTime":1086.315,"endTime":1089.299,"body":"because after wrestling with mom guilt for"},{"startTime":1089.359,"endTime":1091.942,"body":"so long, I just assumed that I would"},{"startTime":1092.243,"endTime":1095.046,"body":"always feel that burden, that weight of"},{"startTime":1095.106,"endTime":1099.03,"body":"the guilt. And now I truly don't. Yes, it"},{"startTime":1099.07,"endTime":1101.152,"body":"comes into play in little moments here or"},{"startTime":1101.212,"endTime":1103.254,"body":"there when I'm having a hard day or one of"},{"startTime":1103.2740000000001,"endTime":1107.077,"body":"my kids is especially struggling. But on"},{"startTime":1107.137,"endTime":1109.739,"body":"the whole, everything is so much better"},{"startTime":1109.799,"endTime":1114.417,"body":"now because of this one realization. Most"},{"startTime":1114.457,"endTime":1117.4,"body":"of my mom guilt was always around the fact"},{"startTime":1117.48,"endTime":1121.163,"body":"that I work. And I hate that distinction"},{"startTime":1121.203,"endTime":1123.626,"body":"between working mom or stay-at-home mom"},{"startTime":1123.666,"endTime":1126.548,"body":"because all moms are hard-working moms."},{"startTime":1127.269,"endTime":1129.691,"body":"And so many of the stay-at-home moms that"},{"startTime":1129.951,"endTime":1134.496,"body":"I work with have that deep sense of if not"},{"startTime":1134.556,"endTime":1137.379,"body":"resentment, at least sadness that they"},{"startTime":1137.499,"endTime":1140.643,"body":"have dreams they aspire to achieve but"},{"startTime":1140.763,"endTime":1143.847,"body":"feel like it's so impossible until their"},{"startTime":1143.887,"endTime":1147.231,"body":"kids get older. But I promise you that is"},{"startTime":1147.291,"endTime":1149.893,"body":"not true. The thing that shifted"},{"startTime":1150.153,"endTime":1152.655,"body":"everything for me was this simple"},{"startTime":1152.835,"endTime":1156.498,"body":"realization last fall where I was really"},{"startTime":1156.598,"endTime":1159.381,"body":"infatuated with learning more about St."},{"startTime":1159.421,"endTime":1163.044,"body":"Mother Teresa. As I had lost my mom and"},{"startTime":1163.084,"endTime":1166.146,"body":"was grieving her, I recalled how much my"},{"startTime":1166.206,"endTime":1169.029,"body":"mom had loved Mother Teresa and so I"},{"startTime":1169.089,"endTime":1171.15,"body":"started reading some biographies about"},{"startTime":1171.191,"endTime":1174.632,"body":"Mother Teresa and I just happened upon"},{"startTime":1175.212,"endTime":1178.933,"body":"this line in a book that talked about how"},{"startTime":1178.993,"endTime":1182.394,"body":"Mother Teresa received a call within a"},{"startTime":1182.474,"endTime":1185.414,"body":"call, as she called it, where she had"},{"startTime":1185.494,"endTime":1188.535,"body":"already become a nun and dedicated herself"},{"startTime":1188.575,"endTime":1192.516,"body":"to Christ and was serving in one capacity"},{"startTime":1192.536,"endTime":1196.276,"body":"at a school in India. And then while she"},{"startTime":1196.336,"endTime":1198.937,"body":"was on the train one day, she felt this"},{"startTime":1199.137,"endTime":1202.398,"body":"deep, deep pull to go and leave her"},{"startTime":1202.478,"endTime":1205.519,"body":"convent and work out on the streets in the"},{"startTime":1205.579,"endTime":1208.8,"body":"slums serving the poorest of the poor. As"},{"startTime":1208.94,"endTime":1211.982,"body":"soon as I saw that phrase, a call within a"},{"startTime":1212.042,"endTime":1215.263,"body":"call, I just felt this overwhelming sense"},{"startTime":1215.403,"endTime":1220.284,"body":"of hope and freedom because We can all"},{"startTime":1220.424,"endTime":1223.706,"body":"have a call within a call. Our primary"},{"startTime":1223.746,"endTime":1226.609,"body":"vocation is as mothers. If we are given"},{"startTime":1226.709,"endTime":1230.732,"body":"children, then we do bear this beautiful"},{"startTime":1230.892,"endTime":1234.295,"body":"opportunity and responsibility to shepherd"},{"startTime":1234.335,"endTime":1237.336,"body":"them and care for them until they are old"},{"startTime":1237.396,"endTime":1240.298,"body":"enough to do that for themselves. But that"},{"startTime":1240.478,"endTime":1243.739,"body":"in no way negates the fact that you can"},{"startTime":1243.819,"endTime":1247.02,"body":"have additional callings, additional"},{"startTime":1247.1200000000001,"endTime":1250.422,"body":"desires. And I just really came to believe"},{"startTime":1250.482,"endTime":1252.803,"body":"that if God has put some dream on your"},{"startTime":1252.863,"endTime":1256.324,"body":"heart and that dream keeps coming up or"},{"startTime":1256.444,"endTime":1259.526,"body":"keeps being part of your reality, Whether"},{"startTime":1259.646,"endTime":1262.129,"body":"it's, you know, for me, the fact that I do"},{"startTime":1262.229,"endTime":1264.051,"body":"need to work to help bring in income for"},{"startTime":1264.0910000000001,"endTime":1267.074,"body":"my family, or whether I have wanted to"},{"startTime":1267.134,"endTime":1269.597,"body":"have my business in addition to my"},{"startTime":1269.657,"endTime":1272.481,"body":"full-time job. For you, it might be a"},{"startTime":1272.541,"endTime":1275.264,"body":"particular hobby or creative outlet."},{"startTime":1276.265,"endTime":1279.347,"body":"Whatever is on your heart, you too can"},{"startTime":1279.427,"endTime":1282.69,"body":"have that call within a call. It is okay"},{"startTime":1283.29,"endTime":1287.2930000000001,"body":"and normal to have multiple callings and"},{"startTime":1287.353,"endTime":1290.335,"body":"those don't have to interfere with your"},{"startTime":1290.455,"endTime":1294.478,"body":"primary vocation. That made such a"},{"startTime":1294.518,"endTime":1298.5240000000001,"body":"difference for me. It is not either or."},{"startTime":1298.604,"endTime":1301.626,"body":"There is no trade-off between being a"},{"startTime":1301.806,"endTime":1305.449,"body":"great mom and working or going after your"},{"startTime":1305.489,"endTime":1309.805,"body":"goals. or even just wanting more time for"},{"startTime":1309.845,"endTime":1313.007,"body":"yourself. I know this sounds simple and"},{"startTime":1313.167,"endTime":1317.449,"body":"obvious, but my brain really battled mom"},{"startTime":1317.469,"endTime":1320.772,"body":"guilt until I saw this phrase, a call"},{"startTime":1320.832,"endTime":1324.734,"body":"within a call, and it just feels so right"},{"startTime":1324.834,"endTime":1327.456,"body":"and true to me that that applies to all of"},{"startTime":1327.596,"endTime":1330.901,"body":"us. Your homework for today is to really"},{"startTime":1331.061,"endTime":1333.443,"body":"sit with your feelings of mom guilt,"},{"startTime":1334.103,"endTime":1337.185,"body":"explore those beliefs and preconceived"},{"startTime":1337.2450000000001,"endTime":1339.866,"body":"notions you might have about what a good"},{"startTime":1340.106,"endTime":1344.388,"body":"mom is, and make a list of all the things"},{"startTime":1344.448,"endTime":1347.59,"body":"you do that you know make you a good mom."},{"startTime":1347.73,"endTime":1349.931,"body":"I want you to really confront your brain"},{"startTime":1350.412,"endTime":1353.733,"body":"with all of that hard evidence showing how"},{"startTime":1353.833,"endTime":1356.935,"body":"much you care. Then try this new thought"},{"startTime":1357.116,"endTime":1359.878,"body":"on for size. Does it feel good to you to"},{"startTime":1359.938,"endTime":1362.94,"body":"think that you too can have a call within"},{"startTime":1362.98,"endTime":1365.462,"body":"a call? If you'd like more information on"},{"startTime":1365.502,"endTime":1367.404,"body":"Mother Teresa, I will put some links in"},{"startTime":1367.444,"endTime":1369.845,"body":"the description. And if mom guilt is"},{"startTime":1369.905,"endTime":1371.547,"body":"something that you have wrestled with for"},{"startTime":1371.627,"endTime":1374.189,"body":"a really long time, then I invite you to"},{"startTime":1374.409,"endTime":1376.831,"body":"schedule a free 30-minute call with me and"},{"startTime":1376.871,"endTime":1379.113,"body":"let's explore that together. Join me back"},{"startTime":1379.313,"endTime":1382.415,"body":"next episode to learn why it's so crucial"},{"startTime":1382.695,"endTime":1385.157,"body":"that moms do make time for themselves and"},{"startTime":1385.237,"endTime":1387.519,"body":"how doing so is proven to benefit the"},{"startTime":1387.679,"endTime":1390.842,"body":"whole family. Until then, remember nothing"},{"startTime":1390.922,"endTime":1393.504,"body":"you do changes how wonderful and worthy"},{"startTime":1393.564,"endTime":1397.027,"body":"you are. I know more than anyone how"},{"startTime":1397.127,"endTime":1399.269,"body":"precious your time is, so the fact that"},{"startTime":1399.309,"endTime":1401.451,"body":"you spent it listening to this podcast"},{"startTime":1401.551,"endTime":1403.973,"body":"means the world. Make sure to subscribe"},{"startTime":1404.253,"endTime":1406.635,"body":"and if you got value out of this show, I"},{"startTime":1406.675,"endTime":1408.636,"body":"would be so honored if you'd leave a"},{"startTime":1408.656,"endTime":1411.299,"body":"review and share this episode with another"},{"startTime":1411.339,"endTime":1413.701,"body":"busy mama who needs to hear it. We've got"},{"startTime":1413.741,"endTime":1413.901,"body":"this."}]}