{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":0.131,"endTime":1.812,"body":"Are you someone who feels like you can"},{"startTime":1.912,"endTime":4.354,"body":"never sit still or turn your brain off?"},{"startTime":4.994,"endTime":8.397,"body":"Did you know there is a real physiological"},{"startTime":8.477,"endTime":11.239,"body":"reason why it's so impossible for you to"},{"startTime":11.319,"endTime":14.881,"body":"relax and do nothing? I know you're used"},{"startTime":14.921,"endTime":17.283,"body":"to performing at an incredibly high level."},{"startTime":17.983,"endTime":20.484,"body":"And yet, when you're feeling frazzled and"},{"startTime":20.604,"endTime":23.604,"body":"overwhelmed, there is one phrase that can"},{"startTime":23.704,"endTime":26.865,"body":"set you off more than anything. In this"},{"startTime":26.945,"endTime":29.206,"body":"episode, we're delving into what that"},{"startTime":29.246,"endTime":32.426,"body":"phrase is and exactly why it's so"},{"startTime":32.486,"endTime":35.047,"body":"triggering. Welcome to More Time for Mom,"},{"startTime":35.367,"endTime":37.608,"body":"where overwhelmed moms get science-backed"},{"startTime":37.668,"endTime":39.968,"body":"strategies to overcome the hidden sources"},{"startTime":40.008,"endTime":42.889,"body":"of stress stealing your time and joy. I'm"},{"startTime":42.909,"endTime":45.469,"body":"your host, Dr. Amber Curtis. Ready to make"},{"startTime":45.529,"endTime":50.452,"body":"more time for you? Let's dive in. Welcome"},{"startTime":50.492,"endTime":53.815,"body":"back to the More Time for Mom podcast. I"},{"startTime":54.195,"endTime":57.077,"body":"am a little under the weather. This is the"},{"startTime":57.417,"endTime":60.66,"body":"fourth time in just a few months that I"},{"startTime":60.7,"endTime":63.542,"body":"have come down with a cold, lost my voice,"},{"startTime":64.062,"endTime":66.785,"body":"and the only conclusion I can draw is just"},{"startTime":67.825,"endTime":70.007,"body":"that the world does not want me to get"},{"startTime":70.067,"endTime":72.128,"body":"this message out. I don't know if you"},{"startTime":72.148,"endTime":73.809,"body":"believe in spiritual attacks, but"},{"startTime":73.929,"endTime":77.271,"body":"sometimes it just feels so real that the"},{"startTime":77.351,"endTime":79.672,"body":"more I have on my heart to tell you these"},{"startTime":79.752,"endTime":83.514,"body":"things, the more obstacles arise and I'm"},{"startTime":83.594,"endTime":86.255,"body":"literally losing the ability to speak. But"},{"startTime":86.675,"endTime":88.256,"body":"thank you for bearing with me. We are"},{"startTime":88.276,"endTime":90.897,"body":"going to push through. I also want to"},{"startTime":90.937,"endTime":93.338,"body":"quickly announce that my Mom's Making Time"},{"startTime":93.398,"endTime":97.04,"body":"Society is open for enrollment. This is a"},{"startTime":97.1,"endTime":100.542,"body":"community of moms who know that making"},{"startTime":100.722,"endTime":103.904,"body":"time for yourself is essential for your"},{"startTime":104.004,"endTime":106.766,"body":"family's well-being. And yet you need"},{"startTime":107.006,"endTime":109.768,"body":"structure, resources, motivation,"},{"startTime":109.968,"endTime":112.71,"body":"accountability, and most importantly,"},{"startTime":112.99,"endTime":116.273,"body":"support in order to actually carve out"},{"startTime":116.333,"endTime":119.055,"body":"that time for yourself. So there's so much"},{"startTime":119.115,"endTime":121.817,"body":"included in this group. We are up to 19"},{"startTime":121.937,"endTime":124.999,"body":"incredible members already, and you are so"},{"startTime":125.079,"endTime":128.782,"body":"invited to join us. We are really working"},{"startTime":129.062,"endTime":131.444,"body":"on the premise of seasonal living. I will"},{"startTime":131.464,"endTime":133.465,"body":"do a whole podcast about this later on,"},{"startTime":133.926,"endTime":136.474,"body":"but I want to guide you. through"},{"startTime":136.855,"endTime":139.778,"body":"purposeful personal development every"},{"startTime":139.838,"endTime":142.46,"body":"month in a way that matches mom's"},{"startTime":142.721,"endTime":145.403,"body":"ever-shifting needs and schedules in real"},{"startTime":145.443,"endTime":147.546,"body":"life. You can look in the description for"},{"startTime":147.566,"endTime":150.108,"body":"the link to learn more, but we would so,"},{"startTime":150.188,"endTime":152.711,"body":"so, so love for you to join us. You"},{"startTime":152.751,"endTime":155.113,"body":"haven't missed much, and so much more is"},{"startTime":155.153,"endTime":158.497,"body":"coming, so definitely get in. Now onto the"},{"startTime":158.637,"endTime":161.858,"body":"real important stuff. Moms are amazing."},{"startTime":162.539,"endTime":164.38,"body":"The amount of tasks you juggle,"},{"startTime":164.881,"endTime":167.443,"body":"information crammed in your head, things"},{"startTime":167.503,"endTime":170.425,"body":"you know and do that others have no clue"},{"startTime":170.646,"endTime":173.828,"body":"of or appreciation for, it's incredible."},{"startTime":174.609,"endTime":177.631,"body":"And yet every mom also gets very stressed"},{"startTime":177.732,"endTime":180.674,"body":"on a regular basis. In my six years of"},{"startTime":180.734,"endTime":182.915,"body":"life coaching, I have found that stress"},{"startTime":182.975,"endTime":186.017,"body":"has less to do with how much you are doing"},{"startTime":186.437,"endTime":189.019,"body":"than it does with how unseen and"},{"startTime":189.219,"endTime":191.64,"body":"unappreciated you feel for how much you"},{"startTime":191.68,"endTime":195.863,"body":"do. What's worse, others around you might"},{"startTime":196.143,"endTime":199.105,"body":"notice your stress and start making the"},{"startTime":199.145,"endTime":202.267,"body":"most unhelpful comments. Some of the most"},{"startTime":202.347,"endTime":205.229,"body":"common refrains are things like, you just"},{"startTime":205.389,"endTime":208.111,"body":"need to do less. You should have said no,"},{"startTime":208.671,"endTime":211.633,"body":"just don't care so much, or just let"},{"startTime":211.733,"endTime":215.456,"body":"things go. If those phrases have ever sent"},{"startTime":215.556,"endTime":219.531,"body":"you into a spiral, You are not alone. They"},{"startTime":219.732,"endTime":222.453,"body":"are, in fact, the worst thing that you"},{"startTime":222.493,"endTime":225.215,"body":"could possibly say to a frazzled mom, and"},{"startTime":225.235,"endTime":228.437,"body":"here is why. To her brain, it's like"},{"startTime":228.517,"endTime":231.119,"body":"saying that she's not already doing"},{"startTime":231.279,"endTime":235.462,"body":"enough. She interprets it as you not even"},{"startTime":235.542,"endTime":237.944,"body":"beginning to comprehend how much she is"},{"startTime":237.964,"endTime":241.126,"body":"doing and caring that she has willingly"},{"startTime":241.266,"endTime":244.549,"body":"taken it all on, most likely just to try"},{"startTime":244.589,"endTime":247.051,"body":"to make her family's life better. It's"},{"startTime":247.111,"endTime":248.952,"body":"like you're saying that she hasn't done"},{"startTime":249.152,"endTime":252.254,"body":"enough to earn her worth in your eyes."},{"startTime":252.995,"endTime":255.777,"body":"Otherwise, you would instead be asking how"},{"startTime":255.857,"endTime":259.86,"body":"you can help and lighten her load. You"},{"startTime":259.98,"endTime":262.402,"body":"have to know that she has the best of"},{"startTime":262.462,"endTime":265.324,"body":"intentions when she sets out to do all"},{"startTime":265.364,"endTime":268.906,"body":"that she's doing. Even if her yeses were"},{"startTime":269.126,"endTime":272.268,"body":"rooted in what she doesn't yet realize is"},{"startTime":272.308,"endTime":275.21,"body":"a protective response to complex trauma."},{"startTime":275.83,"endTime":278.992,"body":"Now on this podcast, we go deep into a lot"},{"startTime":279.092,"endTime":282.013,"body":"of psychology and neuroscience. and"},{"startTime":282.213,"endTime":285.514,"body":"somatics, which is how things get stored"},{"startTime":285.634,"endTime":288.674,"body":"in the body. And I really am on a mission"},{"startTime":288.894,"endTime":292.375,"body":"to help you understand how your brain and"},{"startTime":292.395,"endTime":296.836,"body":"your body are constantly in this perceived"},{"startTime":297.076,"endTime":299.897,"body":"state of threat and then how to really"},{"startTime":300.137,"endTime":302.597,"body":"re-regulate your nervous system to come"},{"startTime":302.717,"endTime":305.358,"body":"out of that stress state and actually have"},{"startTime":305.398,"endTime":309.016,"body":"the capacity to make changes and change"},{"startTime":309.056,"endTime":311.918,"body":"your mindset. But the women who go, go,"},{"startTime":311.958,"endTime":315.38,"body":"go, do, do, do, and juggle all the things"},{"startTime":315.96,"endTime":318.943,"body":"are rarely doing things by conscious"},{"startTime":319.103,"endTime":322.644,"body":"choice. Even if they said yes originally,"},{"startTime":323.184,"endTime":326.025,"body":"whether it was voluntarily or with a"},{"startTime":326.065,"endTime":327.986,"body":"grudge and they felt they couldn't say no,"},{"startTime":328.486,"endTime":332.528,"body":"the reality is that that yes goes so deep."},{"startTime":333.288,"endTime":336.849,"body":"It's a sign that you somehow, somewhere,"},{"startTime":337.349,"endTime":340.571,"body":"internalized the message that you had to"},{"startTime":340.631,"endTime":344.352,"body":"do a lot and maybe do it perfectly. in"},{"startTime":344.592,"endTime":347.314,"body":"order to earn your worth and belonging."},{"startTime":347.914,"endTime":349.555,"body":"We've touched on this in previous"},{"startTime":349.636,"endTime":353.458,"body":"episodes, like episode 12 on 3 myths about"},{"startTime":353.518,"endTime":357.761,"body":"time, but there is a very good chance your"},{"startTime":357.821,"endTime":360.803,"body":"brain got wired to believe that doing a"},{"startTime":361.023,"endTime":365.266,"body":"good job and making other people happy was"},{"startTime":365.486,"endTime":369.182,"body":"what kept you safe. What kept you part of"},{"startTime":369.242,"endTime":372.285,"body":"your tribe? What got you love and"},{"startTime":372.425,"endTime":374.768,"body":"attention? Whether it was having a"},{"startTime":375.028,"endTime":377.431,"body":"narcissistic parent that made you feel"},{"startTime":377.471,"endTime":379.693,"body":"like nothing you did was ever good enough."},{"startTime":380.518,"endTime":383.539,"body":"or, much more positively, getting praised"},{"startTime":383.599,"endTime":386.761,"body":"for every job well done. The bottom line"},{"startTime":386.861,"endTime":389.242,"body":"is that the parenting culture we grew up"},{"startTime":389.322,"endTime":393.284,"body":"with was all about teaching kids to please"},{"startTime":393.504,"endTime":396.425,"body":"adults and comply with what their"},{"startTime":396.525,"endTime":399.427,"body":"caregivers wanted of them. so that we"},{"startTime":399.467,"endTime":402.329,"body":"could keep our caregivers happy. If you"},{"startTime":402.389,"endTime":403.871,"body":"wrestle with people-pleasing,"},{"startTime":404.251,"endTime":406.613,"body":"perfectionism, and high achievement today,"},{"startTime":406.633,"endTime":410.016,"body":"I would encourage you to think back about"},{"startTime":410.116,"endTime":412.258,"body":"what your family situation was like"},{"startTime":412.418,"endTime":415.16,"body":"growing up and how you were treated as a"},{"startTime":415.22,"endTime":418.163,"body":"child. Was there a lot expected of you?"},{"startTime":418.944,"endTime":421.526,"body":"What happened when you did or didn't"},{"startTime":421.766,"endTime":425.057,"body":"perform to those expectations? Did you in"},{"startTime":425.257,"endTime":428.359,"body":"any way feel responsible for your parents'"},{"startTime":428.399,"endTime":430.801,"body":"happiness? What kinds of things did you"},{"startTime":430.921,"endTime":433.843,"body":"naturally do to make them happy? Were you"},{"startTime":433.903,"endTime":436.784,"body":"successful? Was your home environment"},{"startTime":437.044,"endTime":440.306,"body":"rather chaotic? To what extent did you"},{"startTime":440.366,"endTime":442.968,"body":"seek to control everything around you"},{"startTime":443.488,"endTime":446.15,"body":"because things felt out of control for"},{"startTime":446.21,"endTime":448.757,"body":"you? And which of those tendencies then"},{"startTime":448.817,"endTime":451.699,"body":"carry forward to today? If you were"},{"startTime":451.779,"endTime":454.58,"body":"physically punished as a child, then there"},{"startTime":454.62,"endTime":457.262,"body":"is all the more likelihood that these"},{"startTime":457.522,"endTime":461.304,"body":"lessons are ingrained in the deepest level"},{"startTime":461.364,"endTime":465.266,"body":"of your tissues and evoke a widespread but"},{"startTime":465.386,"endTime":468.748,"body":"subconscious Physical response nowadays,"},{"startTime":469.249,"endTime":472.51,"body":"whenever your effectiveness or your worth"},{"startTime":472.69,"endTime":475.012,"body":"is questioned. Let me bring this home with"},{"startTime":475.092,"endTime":478.013,"body":"a couple of real examples. Several years"},{"startTime":478.073,"endTime":480.434,"body":"ago, when I only had two kids at the time,"},{"startTime":481.095,"endTime":483.476,"body":"I came downstairs from putting the toddler"},{"startTime":483.636,"endTime":486.217,"body":"and the baby to bed. I had worked a really"},{"startTime":486.277,"endTime":488.278,"body":"long day at my job as a university"},{"startTime":488.338,"endTime":491.54,"body":"professor, and it was maybe 8 o'clock at"},{"startTime":491.6,"endTime":494.281,"body":"night, but I came downstairs to find my"},{"startTime":494.342,"endTime":497.964,"body":"husband. sitting on the couch and watching"},{"startTime":498.024,"endTime":500.846,"body":"something on TV after his own long day at"},{"startTime":500.906,"endTime":503.888,"body":"work. The dishes still sat in the sink."},{"startTime":504.428,"endTime":506.99,"body":"The kids' daycare bags still needed to be"},{"startTime":507.17,"endTime":510.313,"body":"unpacked and restocked. I had unfinished"},{"startTime":510.373,"endTime":512.294,"body":"work that I knew I was going to need to"},{"startTime":512.354,"endTime":516.238,"body":"stay up to do. and I could feel the stress"},{"startTime":516.879,"endTime":519.782,"body":"rising in my body, turning into rage as I"},{"startTime":519.882,"endTime":523.166,"body":"saw my sweet husband sitting there so"},{"startTime":523.386,"endTime":526.43,"body":"oblivious to all the things that I saw"},{"startTime":526.61,"endTime":528.973,"body":"needed to be done. Without saying a word,"},{"startTime":529.533,"endTime":532.135,"body":"I just went into the kitchen and started"},{"startTime":532.495,"endTime":534.717,"body":"getting to work, cleaning, and doing the"},{"startTime":534.757,"endTime":536.939,"body":"things that I believed were absolute"},{"startTime":536.999,"endTime":540.201,"body":"necessity. My husband looked up, noticed I"},{"startTime":540.221,"endTime":542.963,"body":"had come downstairs, and beckoned for me"},{"startTime":543.003,"endTime":545.145,"body":"to come sit with him and tell him about my"},{"startTime":545.185,"endTime":548.907,"body":"day. And I very curtly responded, I don't"},{"startTime":548.947,"endTime":552.15,"body":"have time. I thought I was being so"},{"startTime":552.25,"endTime":555.312,"body":"gracious by not you know, yelling at him"},{"startTime":555.472,"endTime":558.454,"body":"or blowing up or even asking for help,"},{"startTime":558.875,"endTime":560.696,"body":"right? Just kind of like taking it on"},{"startTime":560.816,"endTime":564.399,"body":"myself. But he got upset and we ended up"},{"startTime":564.439,"endTime":566.52,"body":"going to bed mad at each other that night."},{"startTime":567.101,"endTime":569.863,"body":"And later, even months later, as we kind"},{"startTime":569.903,"endTime":572.344,"body":"of worked through a lot of this unresolved"},{"startTime":572.465,"endTime":574.786,"body":"tension that was so rampant in our early"},{"startTime":574.806,"endTime":577.428,"body":"years of parenting, the truth came out"},{"startTime":577.528,"endTime":581.291,"body":"that he felt like I was making all of"},{"startTime":581.351,"endTime":583.292,"body":"these household things, not to mention the"},{"startTime":583.313,"endTime":586.96,"body":"kids, much more important than him. We'll"},{"startTime":587.0,"endTime":589.902,"body":"have future podcast episodes on this, but"},{"startTime":590.062,"endTime":592.344,"body":"it really kind of came down to love"},{"startTime":592.384,"endTime":594.065,"body":"languages, the five different love"},{"startTime":594.085,"endTime":596.086,"body":"languages. In fact, I will link that book"},{"startTime":596.126,"endTime":599.429,"body":"down for you below, but his primary love"},{"startTime":599.469,"endTime":602.17,"body":"languages are quality time and physical"},{"startTime":602.231,"endTime":606.774,"body":"touch. And so by me refusing to sit next"},{"startTime":606.794,"endTime":609.516,"body":"to him and actually just have an open"},{"startTime":609.556,"endTime":612.037,"body":"heart to heart about our day, Even when"},{"startTime":612.097,"endTime":614.939,"body":"that meant leaving things undone in the"},{"startTime":614.979,"endTime":618.821,"body":"kitchen, he felt like I not only didn't"},{"startTime":618.861,"endTime":621.223,"body":"love him, but like I was blatantly"},{"startTime":621.423,"endTime":623.384,"body":"throwing that in his face, that these"},{"startTime":623.724,"endTime":625.705,"body":"household things were so much more"},{"startTime":625.846,"endTime":628.872,"body":"important than spending time with him. It"},{"startTime":628.932,"endTime":632.013,"body":"created that vicious cycle where then he"},{"startTime":632.073,"endTime":635.614,"body":"was less maybe willing to do the things"},{"startTime":635.674,"endTime":639.035,"body":"that I interpreted as love. And my primary"},{"startTime":639.075,"endTime":641.415,"body":"love languages are words of affirmation"},{"startTime":641.575,"endTime":644.716,"body":"along with acts of service. And so it just"},{"startTime":644.916,"endTime":647.717,"body":"had spiraled. We had a lot of really rough"},{"startTime":647.777,"endTime":650.739,"body":"moments. But then fast forward to even"},{"startTime":651.019,"endTime":654.683,"body":"last year, and we had just moved, our"},{"startTime":654.743,"endTime":657.145,"body":"family had been resettling, and I was"},{"startTime":657.225,"endTime":661.469,"body":"trying so hard to make this new home the"},{"startTime":661.529,"endTime":664.712,"body":"fresh, clean slate that I was craving. And"},{"startTime":664.772,"endTime":666.814,"body":"here we had this beautiful new house, so I"},{"startTime":666.974,"endTime":670.117,"body":"really wanted everything to stay in its"},{"startTime":670.217,"endTime":672.619,"body":"place. We had one Friday night where it"},{"startTime":672.679,"endTime":674.68,"body":"had been a long week. Again, my husband"},{"startTime":674.72,"endTime":677.261,"body":"and I had worked and kids had had a lot"},{"startTime":677.301,"endTime":680.062,"body":"going on at school. And the kids wanted to"},{"startTime":680.122,"endTime":682.923,"body":"just sit and have a family night, watching"},{"startTime":682.983,"endTime":685.384,"body":"a movie and cuddling on the couch. We make"},{"startTime":685.424,"endTime":688.225,"body":"some popcorn. And so we sit down to turn"},{"startTime":688.305,"endTime":691.347,"body":"on a movie. And I literally sat down on"},{"startTime":691.387,"endTime":695.069,"body":"the couch and then sprang back up. because"},{"startTime":695.189,"endTime":698.353,"body":"I saw that popcorn was getting spilled and"},{"startTime":698.413,"endTime":700.635,"body":"there were cups that didn't have coasters"},{"startTime":700.755,"endTime":703.058,"body":"under them. And then I noticed that there"},{"startTime":703.118,"endTime":705.361,"body":"were some things that hadn't gotten"},{"startTime":705.481,"endTime":708.004,"body":"unpacked from school bags that I didn't"},{"startTime":708.044,"endTime":710.387,"body":"want to sit in there overnight. And then"},{"startTime":710.427,"endTime":712.409,"body":"that that meant I should put the dishes in"},{"startTime":712.449,"endTime":716.288,"body":"the dishwasher. And I didn't even realize"},{"startTime":716.388,"endTime":719.35,"body":"how one thing was leading to another. And"},{"startTime":719.37,"endTime":722.451,"body":"I just could not turn off my brain. I was"},{"startTime":722.631,"endTime":726.253,"body":"so hypervigilant about all the things that"},{"startTime":726.293,"endTime":728.814,"body":"were out of place and needing to be done"},{"startTime":729.495,"endTime":733.356,"body":"in my state. I thought I was being kind by"},{"startTime":733.676,"endTime":736.678,"body":"not asking for help and not interrupting."},{"startTime":737.15,"endTime":740.051,"body":"everyone else's fun time, but then I ended"},{"startTime":740.111,"endTime":741.931,"body":"up crying myself to sleep that night"},{"startTime":741.991,"endTime":744.972,"body":"because I realized that the one I had hurt"},{"startTime":745.492,"endTime":749.774,"body":"was myself, that I had let my brain"},{"startTime":749.914,"endTime":753.215,"body":"convince me once again that all of those"},{"startTime":753.515,"endTime":756.436,"body":"other household things were ultimately"},{"startTime":756.716,"endTime":760.377,"body":"more important than just being in the"},{"startTime":760.417,"endTime":762.558,"body":"moment. There have been plenty of times"},{"startTime":762.638,"endTime":764.058,"body":"over the year where my very"},{"startTime":764.138,"endTime":766.42,"body":"well-intentioned husband will say things"},{"startTime":766.48,"endTime":769.101,"body":"like, just come and sit down or leave it"},{"startTime":769.141,"endTime":772.062,"body":"for tomorrow. Don't worry. It'll all get"},{"startTime":772.122,"endTime":774.504,"body":"done eventually. When I'm debating"},{"startTime":774.684,"endTime":776.525,"body":"something new and maybe have an"},{"startTime":776.585,"endTime":779.086,"body":"opportunity, he's very quick to usually"},{"startTime":779.166,"endTime":781.287,"body":"say, no, we already have so much on our"},{"startTime":781.327,"endTime":783.928,"body":"plate. Let's not take on more. Another"},{"startTime":783.968,"endTime":786.549,"body":"thing my husband has often pointed out is"},{"startTime":786.669,"endTime":789.79,"body":"how many times I tend to start something"},{"startTime":790.291,"endTime":792.791,"body":"and then jump right into the next big"},{"startTime":792.852,"endTime":795.152,"body":"thing, whether I have finished the first"},{"startTime":795.192,"endTime":798.534,"body":"thing or not. What I have realized through"},{"startTime":798.594,"endTime":800.874,"body":"the years of inner work and coaching that"},{"startTime":801.055,"endTime":803.436,"body":"I have received and am now getting"},{"startTime":803.496,"endTime":805.977,"body":"certified in and am so passionate about"},{"startTime":806.057,"endTime":809.998,"body":"helping you realize is that those deeply"},{"startTime":810.119,"endTime":814.5,"body":"ingrained beliefs are not your fault. You"},{"startTime":814.601,"endTime":817.422,"body":"might not even realize the extent to which"},{"startTime":817.582,"endTime":820.543,"body":"they are there, as I didn't, but they"},{"startTime":820.783,"endTime":823.184,"body":"manifest themselves, they show up in these"},{"startTime":823.524,"endTime":825.765,"body":"everyday scenarios where you are"},{"startTime":825.906,"endTime":830.107,"body":"ultimately depriving yourself of Your own"},{"startTime":830.248,"endTime":834.53,"body":"presence. Your ability to just BE instead"},{"startTime":834.79,"endTime":839.092,"body":"of DO. I am still working on this. It's a"},{"startTime":839.152,"endTime":840.953,"body":"never-ending journey. A never-ending"},{"startTime":840.993,"endTime":844.114,"body":"healing process. To this day, it is no"},{"startTime":844.174,"endTime":847.541,"body":"secret that I crave a spic and span house"},{"startTime":848.001,"endTime":850.383,"body":"and get so much more triggered when things"},{"startTime":850.463,"endTime":853.105,"body":"are out of place or dirty than my husband"},{"startTime":853.125,"endTime":856.027,"body":"does. He does a ton to clean and is"},{"startTime":856.087,"endTime":858.289,"body":"setting such an amazing example for our"},{"startTime":858.349,"endTime":861.231,"body":"boys. The boys are also doing a lot of"},{"startTime":861.331,"endTime":864.734,"body":"chores and we're really trying to instill"},{"startTime":864.874,"endTime":866.835,"body":"in them the pride that comes from"},{"startTime":867.015,"endTime":870.458,"body":"responsibility. But it's amazing how my"},{"startTime":870.598,"endTime":875.229,"body":"brain still freaks out when I see kids'"},{"startTime":875.289,"endTime":878.313,"body":"fingerprint smudges on the wall, or"},{"startTime":878.554,"endTime":880.817,"body":"someone dripping watermelon juice all over"},{"startTime":880.877,"endTime":883.521,"body":"the floor, or they leave a water bottle in"},{"startTime":883.541,"endTime":885.764,"body":"the van instead of automatically carry it"},{"startTime":885.924,"endTime":889.338,"body":"right inside when we get home. Do any of"},{"startTime":945.438,"endTime":949.622,"body":"these things matter? No. My rational brain"},{"startTime":950.102,"endTime":951.824,"body":"knows that they're not important, right?"},{"startTime":951.8639999999999,"endTime":956.3489999999999,"body":"That they are the small stuff. But my body"},{"startTime":957.009,"endTime":960.653,"body":"is very much wired to sweat that small"},{"startTime":960.713,"endTime":963.996,"body":"stuff, as I would imagine yours is as"},{"startTime":964.0759999999999,"endTime":966.959,"body":"well. The more I have learned about"},{"startTime":967.019,"endTime":970.381,"body":"neuroscience, and how deeply your default"},{"startTime":970.4409999999999,"endTime":973.4019999999999,"body":"patterns and beliefs get wired into your"},{"startTime":973.462,"endTime":977.1239999999999,"body":"brain from a young age, the more I can't"},{"startTime":977.204,"endTime":979.805,"body":"help but want to raise awareness about"},{"startTime":979.865,"endTime":982.846,"body":"this so that you know how it is showing up"},{"startTime":983.026,"endTime":986.7679999999999,"body":"in your daily life and how it also affects"},{"startTime":986.848,"endTime":990.27,"body":"your parenting. Research shows that 90 to"},{"startTime":990.27,"endTime":992.611,"body":"95% of your daily actions are unconscious."},{"startTime":996.3349999999999,"endTime":1000.939,"body":"Let me say that again. 90 to 95% of your"},{"startTime":1001.019,"endTime":1004.8829999999999,"body":"daily actions are unconscious, meaning"},{"startTime":1004.923,"endTime":1008.286,"body":"that they are driven by habitual routines"},{"startTime":1008.8259999999999,"endTime":1011.529,"body":"and myelinated pathways in your brain"},{"startTime":1011.909,"endTime":1015.232,"body":"called neurotags, where your brain learned"},{"startTime":1015.973,"endTime":1019.876,"body":"that if you do X, then Y is likely to"},{"startTime":1019.937,"endTime":1023.279,"body":"result. For instance, if you have a clean"},{"startTime":1023.3589999999999,"endTime":1027.304,"body":"space, then you feel safe and in control."},{"startTime":1028.005,"endTime":1032.532,"body":"Or if you want things done, then you have"},{"startTime":1032.5720000000001,"endTime":1035.636,"body":"to do them yourself. As crazy as it can"},{"startTime":1035.676,"endTime":1039.025,"body":"appear to outsiders, It is simply a sign"},{"startTime":1039.225,"endTime":1042.526,"body":"that your brain is constantly striving for"},{"startTime":1042.646,"endTime":1046.327,"body":"achievement and recognition in order to"},{"startTime":1046.527,"endTime":1050.409,"body":"feel good enough, worth enough. So when"},{"startTime":1050.529,"endTime":1054.616,"body":"someone tells you to do less, or to care"},{"startTime":1054.676,"endTime":1057.557,"body":"less, or they tell you that you're crazy"},{"startTime":1057.657,"endTime":1061.359,"body":"because you are so hypervigilant and OCD"},{"startTime":1061.5,"endTime":1064.061,"body":"about how clean you want things, or that"},{"startTime":1064.101,"endTime":1066.7830000000001,"body":"you're out of line to freak out and get so"},{"startTime":1066.843,"endTime":1069.444,"body":"triggered just because things are a mess."},{"startTime":1070.305,"endTime":1073.166,"body":"If that infuriates you, then you just need"},{"startTime":1073.2060000000001,"endTime":1075.988,"body":"to know that, again, it's not your fault."},{"startTime":1076.768,"endTime":1079.69,"body":"It just means that you have been thrown"},{"startTime":1079.8700000000001,"endTime":1082.676,"body":"into a threat response where your brain"},{"startTime":1082.816,"endTime":1085.8799999999999,"body":"and your body have automatically gone into"},{"startTime":1086.321,"endTime":1088.824,"body":"fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode"},{"startTime":1089.204,"endTime":1092.148,"body":"because the very thought of not doing"},{"startTime":1092.268,"endTime":1095.672,"body":"enough feels like such an existential"},{"startTime":1095.752,"endTime":1099.016,"body":"crisis. Moreover, if you've been trying to"},{"startTime":1099.056,"endTime":1102.2269999999999,"body":"do all that you are, in a subconscious"},{"startTime":1102.327,"endTime":1105.488,"body":"attempt to earn your worth, then having"},{"startTime":1105.648,"endTime":1108.1889999999999,"body":"others question how good a job you're"},{"startTime":1108.229,"endTime":1111.47,"body":"doing or insinuate that you should do less"},{"startTime":1112.27,"endTime":1114.3509999999999,"body":"inherently makes you think that you"},{"startTime":1114.431,"endTime":1117.431,"body":"haven't done enough if you see a"},{"startTime":1117.531,"endTime":1120.418,"body":"struggling, stressed-out mom. A much"},{"startTime":1120.618,"endTime":1123.822,"body":"better approach is to start from empathy"},{"startTime":1124.163,"endTime":1126.7459999999999,"body":"and validation, showing her that you"},{"startTime":1126.847,"endTime":1129.57,"body":"appreciate how much she's doing, even if"},{"startTime":1129.6299999999999,"endTime":1131.853,"body":"you don't know the full extent of all that"},{"startTime":1132.014,"endTime":1135.4579999999999,"body":"is, and then genuinely ask where you can"},{"startTime":1135.498,"endTime":1138.981,"body":"take over to help. See, it's not just that"},{"startTime":1139.042,"endTime":1141.383,"body":"the perfectionist, high-achieving brain"},{"startTime":1141.824,"endTime":1144.826,"body":"believes she has to earn her worth. It's"},{"startTime":1144.906,"endTime":1147.148,"body":"that she believes if these things go"},{"startTime":1147.348,"endTime":1150.831,"body":"undone, then she is inherently unworthy."},{"startTime":1151.3509999999999,"endTime":1153.393,"body":"It's not that she wants to be the one to"},{"startTime":1153.473,"endTime":1156.5349999999999,"body":"do them. It's just that she feels like she"},{"startTime":1156.655,"endTime":1158.917,"body":"needs these things to be done in order to"},{"startTime":1158.9769999999999,"endTime":1162.46,"body":"feel safe. So like it or not, you can't"},{"startTime":1162.72,"endTime":1166.0819999999999,"body":"make her not care or instantly change her"},{"startTime":1166.122,"endTime":1168.924,"body":"belief that these things are or are not"},{"startTime":1169.104,"endTime":1172.807,"body":"worth doing. She needs to first know that"},{"startTime":1172.887,"endTime":1175.9089999999999,"body":"you share her belief that they are. Then,"},{"startTime":1176.408,"endTime":1179.729,"body":"that she can trust you to do them with the"},{"startTime":1179.769,"endTime":1182.73,"body":"same effort and attention to detail as she"},{"startTime":1182.81,"endTime":1185.3899999999999,"body":"would. And finally, she needs you to"},{"startTime":1185.51,"endTime":1189.3519999999999,"body":"follow through and keep your word, not say"},{"startTime":1189.392,"endTime":1192.312,"body":"you will do it and forget. I'm dying to"},{"startTime":1192.3519999999999,"endTime":1194.933,"body":"know if this is resonating with you. If"},{"startTime":1195.033,"endTime":1197.394,"body":"so, email me through the link in the show"},{"startTime":1197.454,"endTime":1200.475,"body":"notes or send me a DM on Instagram at"},{"startTime":1200.5349999999999,"endTime":1203.517,"body":"solutions for simplicity I know this stuff"},{"startTime":1203.697,"endTime":1206.319,"body":"is deep, and if this is the first time"},{"startTime":1206.4189999999999,"endTime":1209.062,"body":"you're encountering this perspective, then"},{"startTime":1209.443,"endTime":1212.646,"body":"I would fully expect you to respond in one"},{"startTime":1212.766,"endTime":1216.3139999999999,"body":"of two ways. Either you immediately write"},{"startTime":1216.354,"endTime":1219.7169999999999,"body":"it off as inapplicable to you because the"},{"startTime":1219.797,"endTime":1222.04,"body":"thought of what you've always considered"},{"startTime":1222.2,"endTime":1224.902,"body":"some of your best qualities actually being"},{"startTime":1224.942,"endTime":1227.7849999999999,"body":"a trauma response is more than you can"},{"startTime":1227.825,"endTime":1229.9869999999999,"body":"wrap your head around yet, and maybe"},{"startTime":1230.007,"endTime":1232.43,"body":"you're still very convinced that you had a"},{"startTime":1232.67,"endTime":1235.552,"body":"great childhood, You probably did, but"},{"startTime":1235.6119999999999,"endTime":1237.892,"body":"what is amazing, and we'll continue to"},{"startTime":1237.992,"endTime":1240.793,"body":"unpack in future episodes, is that even a"},{"startTime":1241.033,"endTime":1243.995,"body":"great childhood can still leave you with"},{"startTime":1244.195,"endTime":1247.296,"body":"some wounds that manifest in your current"},{"startTime":1247.676,"endTime":1250.537,"body":"behaviors and patterns. The second"},{"startTime":1250.657,"endTime":1252.357,"body":"reaction you might be having to all of"},{"startTime":1252.417,"endTime":1256.059,"body":"this is that you feel personally attacked,"},{"startTime":1256.499,"endTime":1258.56,"body":"as if everything I'm saying means there's"},{"startTime":1258.6,"endTime":1261.513,"body":"something wrong with you, There absolutely"},{"startTime":1261.633,"endTime":1265.455,"body":"isn't, but this is the first of many, many"},{"startTime":1265.555,"endTime":1268.595,"body":"pleas I will make on this podcast for you,"},{"startTime":1268.916,"endTime":1272.157,"body":"sweet mama, to do the work to get to know"},{"startTime":1272.357,"endTime":1276.298,"body":"yourself, really know yourself, to dig"},{"startTime":1276.358,"endTime":1279.319,"body":"deep and unpack your own history and its"},{"startTime":1279.4389999999999,"endTime":1282.44,"body":"impact on you, because what you're not"},{"startTime":1282.5,"endTime":1286.123,"body":"changing you are choosing. The sad, sad"},{"startTime":1286.163,"endTime":1290.1879999999999,"body":"reality is that so many women continue to"},{"startTime":1290.489,"endTime":1294.013,"body":"unknowingly model all kinds of unhealthy"},{"startTime":1294.133,"endTime":1298.031,"body":"threat responses to their kids. which they"},{"startTime":1298.1109999999999,"endTime":1301.474,"body":"then take on and perpetuate these tragic"},{"startTime":1301.694,"endTime":1305.357,"body":"generational cycles. The more you instead"},{"startTime":1305.658,"endTime":1307.98,"body":"unpack how your brain and body are wired,"},{"startTime":1308.54,"endTime":1312.0439999999999,"body":"what motivates you, what you inevitably"},{"startTime":1312.184,"endTime":1315.367,"body":"make things mean and why, and how you"},{"startTime":1315.407,"endTime":1318.87,"body":"react to stress, the more you can process"},{"startTime":1319.03,"endTime":1321.973,"body":"and heal from hurtful patterns that would"},{"startTime":1322.093,"endTime":1323.975,"body":"otherwise make you lose your temper with"},{"startTime":1324.0149999999999,"endTime":1326.677,"body":"your kids or your husband, that would make"},{"startTime":1326.7169999999999,"endTime":1329.7,"body":"you react in critical or disconnected"},{"startTime":1329.76,"endTime":1333.724,"body":"ways, or cause you to project unrealistic"},{"startTime":1333.884,"endTime":1337.7079999999999,"body":"expectations onto others that they then"},{"startTime":1337.828,"endTime":1341.27,"body":"rebel against. I know this is deep, but"},{"startTime":1341.43,"endTime":1344.6109999999999,"body":"stay with me. We are going to go even"},{"startTime":1344.691,"endTime":1346.932,"body":"deeper into this kind of stuff in future"},{"startTime":1347.012,"endTime":1350.613,"body":"episodes, but I want to zoom back out for"},{"startTime":1350.673,"endTime":1354.374,"body":"now and reiterate that nothing is wrong"},{"startTime":1354.414,"endTime":1356.8139999999999,"body":"with you. Whether you're the stressed out"},{"startTime":1356.854,"endTime":1359.095,"body":"mama in this scenario, doing all the"},{"startTime":1359.155,"endTime":1361.916,"body":"things, or the one trying to offer"},{"startTime":1362.096,"endTime":1365.017,"body":"quote-unquote helpful advice to someone"},{"startTime":1365.177,"endTime":1368.057,"body":"else who is stressed, I hope you'll pause"},{"startTime":1368.177,"endTime":1370.9579999999999,"body":"in the future and remember that telling"},{"startTime":1371.038,"endTime":1375.499,"body":"her or being told to relax, chill out, do"},{"startTime":1375.599,"endTime":1379.04,"body":"less, her body hears those as fighting"},{"startTime":1379.18,"endTime":1382.74,"body":"words because they go against everything"},{"startTime":1383.021,"endTime":1386.041,"body":"her brain was wired to believe, namely"},{"startTime":1386.201,"endTime":1390.22,"body":"that she has no choice but to do-do-do in"},{"startTime":1390.3799999999999,"endTime":1393.802,"body":"order to prove not only her worth, but her"},{"startTime":1393.8619999999999,"endTime":1397.225,"body":"very right to exist. Your homework for"},{"startTime":1397.2849999999999,"endTime":1399.946,"body":"today is to consider the extent to which"},{"startTime":1400.206,"endTime":1403.6689999999999,"body":"all this applies to you or not, but notice"},{"startTime":1403.789,"endTime":1407.091,"body":"how you feel both emotionally and"},{"startTime":1407.431,"endTime":1410.273,"body":"physically in your body when someone"},{"startTime":1410.373,"endTime":1413.2549999999999,"body":"comments on how much you're doing or"},{"startTime":1413.415,"endTime":1415.836,"body":"insinuates either that you should do less"},{"startTime":1416.276,"endTime":1419.779,"body":"or somehow aren't doing enough. Then, next"},{"startTime":1419.839,"endTime":1423.1019999999999,"body":"time that situation arises, really pause"},{"startTime":1423.642,"endTime":1425.964,"body":"and remind yourself in that moment that"},{"startTime":1426.024,"endTime":1429.787,"body":"you are safe, you don't ever have to earn"},{"startTime":1429.9669999999999,"endTime":1432.529,"body":"love and belonging, and no matter what"},{"startTime":1432.6689999999999,"endTime":1435.232,"body":"anyone else thinks, you know you are"},{"startTime":1435.272,"endTime":1438.0539999999999,"body":"coming from the best of intentions. Join"},{"startTime":1438.094,"endTime":1440.516,"body":"me back next episode where we are going to"},{"startTime":1440.796,"endTime":1443.018,"body":"resurface from the deep conversations"},{"startTime":1443.058,"endTime":1445.86,"body":"we've had lately and talk about something"},{"startTime":1446.221,"endTime":1448.503,"body":"much more fun and practical. the"},{"startTime":1448.5829999999999,"endTime":1452.026,"body":"science-backed art of seasonal living."},{"startTime":1452.687,"endTime":1455.029,"body":"This is one of many techniques that has"},{"startTime":1455.049,"endTime":1457.751,"body":"been a game changer for me in terms of"},{"startTime":1457.891,"endTime":1461.154,"body":"productivity and energy management, and"},{"startTime":1461.194,"endTime":1463.456,"body":"was part of the motivation for starting my"},{"startTime":1463.516,"endTime":1466.6979999999999,"body":"new Moms Making Time Society. Next week,"},{"startTime":1466.718,"endTime":1468.8799999999999,"body":"we'll talk about what seasonal living is,"},{"startTime":1469.3809999999999,"endTime":1473.224,"body":"why it's so beneficial, how to do it, and"},{"startTime":1473.384,"endTime":1476.585,"body":"so much more. Until then, remember nothing"},{"startTime":1476.645,"endTime":1479.566,"body":"you do changes how wonderful and worthy"},{"startTime":1479.606,"endTime":1482.687,"body":"you are. Have a great day. I know more"},{"startTime":1482.7069999999999,"endTime":1485.407,"body":"than anyone how precious your time is. So"},{"startTime":1485.447,"endTime":1487.287,"body":"the fact that you spent it listening to"},{"startTime":1487.327,"endTime":1490.008,"body":"this podcast means the world. Make sure to"},{"startTime":1490.048,"endTime":1492.348,"body":"subscribe. And if you got value out of"},{"startTime":1492.408,"endTime":1494.9289999999999,"body":"this show, I would be so honored if you'd"},{"startTime":1494.969,"endTime":1497.549,"body":"leave a review and share this episode with"},{"startTime":1497.589,"endTime":1499.43,"body":"another busy mama who needs to hear it."},{"startTime":1499.85,"endTime":1500.57,"body":"We've got this."}]}