The Problem with To-Do Lists

Does your to-do list make you feel more stressed instead of more organized?

Many busy moms believe to-do lists are the solution to their overwhelm, but these lists often create hidden problems that actually increase your stress and decrease your productivity.

In this episode, I share my signature framework to help you pinpoint your priorities and finally break free from the endless to-do list cycle preventing you from actually being productive.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:

• The three key problems with to-do lists that make you feel constantly behind and overwhelmed
• How to determine which tasks to drop, defer, delegate, dumb down, or do well
• Why perfectionism is secretly sabotaging your productivity and how to overcome it
• A simple system to identify your true priorities so you can focus your limited time and energy on what actually matters

Ready for more support? Grab my free Pinpoint Your Priorities Playbook HERE. You can also get my fillable, printable Pinpoint Your Priorities Digital Worksheet HERE.

HOMEWORK:

Go through your to-do list and implement the Five Ds Framework to clarify what your most important tasks are. Identify which items you can drop, defer, delegate, or dumb down versus which tasks you must do well. Remember, this process is especially powerful when you're feeling overwhelmed or when life throws you a curveball.

COMING UP NEXT:

In the next episode, I'll dive deep into the difference between capability and capacity. This distinction is key for busy mamas trying to keep up with it all.

CONNECT WITH AMBER: Website | Instagram | YouTube | LinkedIn

Ready to finally get to the root of your problems and change your life FOR GOOD? Book your free 60-minute consult to learn more about working 1:1 with Dr. Amber.

Transcript

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Does your to-do list feel out of control? You're not alone. The reality is that while to-do lists are helpful for getting things out of your head and down on paper, they often cause a lot more stress than you realize. In this episode, I'm gonna share with you three key problems with to-do lists and then help you solve those problems by pinpointing your priorities using my signature 5Ds formula for figuring out exactly which tasks to tackle first. Welcome to More Time for Mom, where overwhelmed moms get science-backed strategies to overcome the hidden sources of stress stealing your time and joy. I'm your host, Dr. Amber Curtis. Ready to make more time for you? Let's dive in. If you're a busy mom, one of the biggest sources of frustration is always having more to do than time to do it. And it's no wonder that you feel constant pressure to get things done and then the pain of feeling like it's never enough because your to-do list never ends, right? To-do lists are great, but they backfire in three crucial ways. The first problem is that if your to-do list is anything like mine, there are easily 30, 50, even 100 or more things on there and so the sheer size of your to-do list makes your brain go crazy. You feel instantly demotivated because your brain thinks it's impossible that you could ever get it all done and wonders why you should even try. The second problem is that when you list each task out, everything looks equally important on paper, so your brain gets paralyzed by wondering where to start. It defaults towards wanting to cross off whatever is most fun, easy, simple, whatever can give it that quick dopamine hit of feeling like you actually accomplished something. The challenge is that if you start in on those small, quick, fun tasks, you're probably not going to be making traction on the big things that actually make a difference in your life. The third problem, as I know you have experienced, is that as soon as you cross one task off, the satisfaction of that accomplishment diminishes because five more things have popped up. And so you just feel this constant sense of defeat, knowing that you'll never get it all done. While having a to-do list is better than not having a to-do list and just letting your tasks run around rent-free in your mind, at risk of being forgotten and clouding your ability to focus, the hard truth is that your to-do list can make you feel more stressed. You don't just need a to-do list then. What you need is to prioritize your tasks in a way that helps you assess which ones are more or less important so you have a clear order in which to tackle them. And then you are spending your precious time and energy on what matters most. In other words, you need a proven method to, what I call, pinpoint your priorities. That's where my Signature 5Ds framework comes in. This is a series of questions to help you determine how best to handle each task. Are you ready? The first question is, does this thing have to get done? If not, drop it. Now I know that sounds overly simplistic because if it's already on your to-do list, it's likely something that you either wanted to do or were told to do or feel needs to get done. And those are very valid situations. But the hard truth is that when you're feeling stressed and overwhelmed, And even if time was no issue, you want to be using your time in the way that fills you up and brings the most value and joy to your life. So you have to be brutal with what you take on. Asking yourself whether this thing has to get done is going to cause some pushback in your brain. Your brain is going to tell you immediately that of course it has to get done. But I want you to really question that and assess whether this thing aligns with your big underlying values. I know society tells you that quitting is bad but the fastest way to finish something is honestly to quit it. Especially if it's not serving you or doesn't align with the bigger vision you have for your life. And your vision, your dreams and what you want is a moving target so what felt right in one season might not fit in your life anymore. And that's okay. Ask yourself, is this just something that would be nice to do, or perhaps you took it on out of a sense of obligation? We're going to talk a lot more about that in future episodes. If you're a people pleaser, I know all too well that that can be a really hard thing to break. The key thing here is simply to admit that some tasks surely can be dropped altogether, and you will be amazed at how free you feel when you're able to just cut the cord and let things go. But if you have determined that this thing still needs to happen, then the second question you want to ask yourself is, does this have to happen right now? Once again, your brain is going to say, of course it does. But the reality is that many things can be punted down the road, especially if there's no hard deadline. Now, in that situation, you want to weigh whether this is something that needs to be given time and put on the schedule so that it doesn't get pushed off. Maybe it's like a big goal or dream you have, and because there's no deadline, you just aren't ever making time for it. But more often than not, It would be the case that you just don't have room for it in your current circumstances, and so there are many things you can defer, at least temporarily, and by doing so, you free up time and energy for more pressing things now. If you really can't bear to drop something altogether, I really encourage you to at least delay it a bit. You'll probably find that once it's out of sight, it's out of mind, and you're more open to dropping it altogether later. But regardless, defer it for now, then come back, and in a week or a month, you can check again to see whether it feels more feasible. Assuming that the task does need to happen now, the third question you want to ask yourself is, am I the only one who can do this? Does this thing have to get done by you? Oh my goodness, this is inevitably one of the hardest things to admit because if you are a high achieving perfectionist like me, you instantly feel that sense of pride and responsibility and assume that you are the one who needs to do it all. We feel this way for a variety of reasons. It's so hard to delegate. We know how busy everyone else is and we don't want to burden them by adding to their existing stress. We also often don't want to even admit that we are struggling and that we need help, but it's really important that we do, that we accept help when it's offered. And then, if we're honest, the main reason that I think women struggle to delegate is because no one else is probably going to do that thing up to your impossibly high standards. I have experienced this in so many realms, especially with household tasks, because If there's anything that has drained me over the years, it's been trying to keep up with the house and my demanding job and having four young kids and, you know, the laundry, the dishes, they're just never ever done. As I finally wanted to ask for more help, then I was feeling like no one is doing things the way that I want them done. I can't wait to hear if you can relate. But the reality is that these kinds of simple tasks or recurring things that need to get done really might be better suited to do by someone else. And even if that person doesn't do it up to your high standards, you have to weigh the discomfort of Letting it just get done, no matter how someone does it, with the discomfort of taking your precious time and energy to do it. I, again, have wrestled with this so much over the years, relaxing my standards and accepting how, you know, it's not a perfect solution, but it does definitely work. And then you will just see that your brain gets more used to the new way that things get done. And you see that the world doesn't end just because someone doesn't fold the towels exactly like you do or perfectly load the dishwasher or something like that, right? It's challenging, but it's really, really powerful. Additionally, don't forget that we live in a day and age where a lot of things can be automated or simplified through delegating to an app or even going through a drive-thru, putting in a frozen dinner, right? You do not always have to be the one physically doing the thing. So get creative, see where you can delegate, but I promise this is going to free up so much time and energy and then once you have started the delegation train running, you will find yourself letting more and more things be delegated. If you have determined that the task still has to get done by you, the fourth question is the biggest game changer of them all. This is to ask yourself whether it must get done to the absolute very best of your ability. If you're a high-achieving perfectionist, then the thought of anything less than perfect is going to feel so threatening to your brain. Somewhere along the way, you, like me, have probably internalized the saying that how you do anything is how you do everything, and so you put so much pressure on yourself to give 200% to everything you're asked to do. But that's then draining so much of your time and energy because the vast majority of tasks simply need to get crossed off. They don't have to be done perfectly and no one is going to ever care about them the way that you do. So, it's really crucial that you ask what you can dumb down. What can you just hurry up and get done, accept that done is better than perfect, that good is good enough, finish the thing and move on. This strategy has been the one that has freed up more of my time than anything else over the years. And once again, as you go through the process, you are going to refine your own implementation and find more and more things that you are comfortable dumbing down instead of holding so tightly to your perfectionism. The beauty of these four previous questions is that by the time you get done with them, you are hopefully left with a very short list of the few things that absolutely must get done well. And this is where you focus your time and energy. These are your marching orders. You're going to then prioritize those few things by the order in which they might be due, and you're gonna break them down into their component steps Schedule that time directly into your planner and really lean into ways that you can make those projects fun and exciting. Because let's be real, these are probably the tasks you have been avoiding, the things that your brain didn't immediately want to do when you were looking at your long to-do list. And yet you are going to feel like such a powerhouse once they are done. So put your blinders on, look at only those few things that you must do well, start chipping away, get them done one thing at a time, and then revisit your to-do list. Re-evaluate your schedule for the following week or month and see what you have more capacity for at that time. I can't wait to hear what you think of this 5Ds method for determining which tasks to drop, defer, delegate, dumb down, or do well. To make the process even easier, I have a free pinpoint your priorities playbook that you can grab from the show notes or go to bit.ly slash pinpoint your priorities. It's completely free and it gives you even more detail on all five of these strategies. I also have a fillable, printable PDF worksheet that makes the process of evaluating each task and figuring out which category it fits into so fast and seamless so all you have to do is just get to work and start being productive. Links to both of those in the show notes. Now, because I'm a professor, I'm gonna be giving you homework every episode so that you can take what you have learned and actually put it into action. Are you ready? Your homework for today is to go through your to-do list and implement this 5Ds framework to clarify what your most important tasks are. What are those things that you must do well versus what you can drop, defer, delegate, and dumb down? I seriously can't say enough how powerful this process has been for me and my clients, especially when you're overwhelmed or life throws you a curveball and your time and energy are in even shorter supply than normal. On that note, make sure you come back next episode because we are going to dive deep into the difference between capability and capacity. This distinction is so key for busy mamas trying to keep up with it all. And it's something that I see women getting wrong over and over again, which then causes so much mental distress because you think there's something wrong with you when you can't get it done. I'm going to help you identify whether your problem is a capability or a capacity one, and then give you all kinds of science-backed strategies to solve whatever problem that is. Until then, remember nothing you do changes how wonderful and worthy you are. Have a great day. I know more than anyone how precious your time is. So the fact that you spent it listening to this podcast means the world. Make sure to subscribe. And if you got value out of this show, I would be so honored if you'd leave a review and share this episode with another busy mama who needs to hear it. We've got this.