Why Moms HAVE to Make Time for Themselves

Does making time for yourself feel impossible or even selfish as a busy mom?

While you've heard that "self-care isn't selfish," the reality is that most moms put themselves last, and the eye-opening statistics show that when you don't prioritize your own happiness, the entire family suffers.

In this powerful episode, I share shocking research about what happens when moms neglect their own needs, and why making time for yourself isn't just important. It's essential for your children's well-being.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:

• Statistics that reveal how little time moms get to themselves each day
• Research showing the direct link between a mother's happiness and her children's mental health
• Why your happiness has a bigger impact on your family's wellbeing than almost any other factor
• How to break free from the mindset that making time for yourself must come at a cost to your family
• The difference between true "alone time" and just running errands by yourself

HOMEWORK:

Make two lists: one of all the things you want more time for, and another list of all the reasons your brain offers for why those things aren't feasible. Share your lists with me via email or DM!

COMING UP NEXT:

In the next episode, I'll dig into the epidemic of "martyr mentality" that's rampant among moms. You'll be amazed to learn where it really comes from and discover proven ways to break free from its harmful grasp.

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Ready to finally get to the root of your problems and change your life FOR GOOD? Book your free 60-minute consult to learn more about working 1:1 with Dr. Amber.

Transcript

0:00

You've heard that self-care isn't selfish but let's be honest, it feels impossible as a busy mom to squeeze self-care in along with everything you're doing to meet everyone else's needs. Sweet mama, I get it. But as the statistics I'm about to share with you show, the reality is that if you don't make time for yourself and what brings you joy The whole family suffers and I know that is the last thing in the world you would want to happen. If you have been struggling to put yourself first and have just resigned yourself to thinking it just is what it is right now or that you'll get to it someday, you cannot afford to miss this episode. Welcome to More Time for Mom, where overwhelmed moms get science-backed strategies to overcome the hidden sources of stress stealing your time and joy. I'm your host, Dr. Amber Curtis. Ready to make more time for you? Let's dive in. There's something really scary that happens when you become a mom. I know because I experienced it all too viciously myself and because I see it in almost all of my coaching clients. As soon as you become a mom, it's like you disappear. and you so naturally, beautifully even, start to sacrifice yourself for your kids. You might think it's just temporary, such an inherent part of the postpartum period, but before you know it, you have put yourself on the back burner so long that your physical or mental health suffers and you don't even know who you are anymore. Then bitterness and frustration set in and you turn into a cranky, resentful mom. But the demands are never ending and things only get more and more complicated as your kids get older. You feel so stuck. I know. I want to share with you some really eye-opening statistics, both to help you know you are not alone if you are struggling to, as they say, put your own oxygen mask on first, but also to maybe light a little fire under you to start making some changes now before neglecting yourself and your dreams really hurts those you love the most. With that said, I do want to offer a little trigger warning that some of these statistics might feel very threatening to you, and that is not my intention. Believe me, I would include myself in all of the statistics I'm going to share with you, at least my past self, and that's why I am so adamant about speaking out about these things. So please be gentle with yourself, but hear me out. And then as you hopefully know, the entire point of this podcast is to equip you with solutions so that you don't become one of these statistics. According to Motherly's state of motherhood survey, 93% of moms report feeling burnt out, especially because they are in such short supply for alone time. And as psychologists point out, alone time needs to be real time to yourself, time for doing things that give you joy and energy, time that's free of obligation or mental load. It's so much more than just running errands by yourself or getting those few peaceful minutes to yourself in the car before you go back into the crazy house. It's more than having a quick shower or getting a few hours of sleep. It really is about having space to think and act on whatever you want to do. If you don't feel like you have any alone time, you are in good company because a 2024 study by Motherly finds that only 39% of moms get an hour to themselves a day. Even one hour, I almost find that 39% number high because an hour a day still feels impossible right now with four kids 11 and under. It's a real challenge. Of more concern, 34% of moms admit putting themselves very last on their to-do list, according to a survey by Baby Center. And in that same survey, nearly one in four moms defined their entire identity by motherhood alone. and reported that they had lost touch with who they are apart from parenthood. A 2023 Forbes article reports that 78% of moms admit to sacrificing sleep to take care of their families, and 80% of moms had to turn down social invitations due to parenting responsibilities, That article also reports that 46% of moms, almost half of moms, are currently seeking therapy as mental health concerns have surpassed even financial concerns as the top source of worry. A 2012 Gallup poll of over 60,000 women found that non-employed moms who stayed at home with young children reported significantly higher levels of sadness and anger and were much more likely to be diagnosed with depression. The American Psychological Association then shows that children whose mothers are chronically stressed are significantly more likely to have ADHD, depression, and substance abuse. There have been many studies on how maternal depression is correlated with an increased risk of children having a developmental delay, behavioral problems, or other physical health issues. So again, these are just a sample of the many statistics out there. And I want to pause to underscore what a hard thing this is to hear. It is a catch-22 because moms often make their happiness dependent on how well things are going at home, how well the house is kept together, or how good the kids are doing, as if those things are judgments on who you are as a person. Here you are sacrificing yourself precisely for what you think is the good of your family, only to be hearing that that could be causing harm to your kids, if not now then down the road, in which case your happiness is then that much farther out of reach because you're not okay if the kids aren't okay and it just becomes a really, really vicious cycle. That's again why it's so important to start making changes now. No matter whether you are a brand new mom or even an empty nester, you can start today to make changes and improve your own happiness specifically by making more time for what matters to you. That is one of the things that is shown to help boost mental health. On that note, a 2019 article by the Institute for Family Studies shows that mom's happiness has a bigger, more crucial impact on the whole family's well-being, much more so than dad's. That's not to say that dad's mental health and happiness don't matter, just not as much. This overtime study found that the happier moms are in their relationship with their husband, the more likely the couple was to stay together, which is then linked to more stability, less financial stress, and kids better performance in school. In fact, the National Institutes of Health show that children whose parents divorce have, on average, lower academic achievement scores compared to those with married parents. This is not to make you feel guilty or worried if you're a single mom. I'm just citing some findings and there are all kinds of factors that go into mom's happiness for sure. It's much more than just your relationship with a significant other. But additionally, that Institute for Family Studies study found that teens with happier moms reported far fewer mental health problems They were much less likely to engage in risky behavior like drinking or drugs. It showed that the happier the mom was throughout the teen's childhood, the closer relationship she had with her kids when they became teenagers. Again, I know that all of this can feel like a lot of pressure and only add to any mom guilt you might feel like you have to be happy so that you don't mess up your kids. That's not the intention here. I simply mean it as a plea, as a gentle wake-up call, if you will, that if you're not happy, you are not alone, but let's do something about it. Just anecdotally, you should know that I wasn't happy for a long time. And I've seen incredible changes for the better in all areas of my life once I started making more time for myself and my own happiness. Once I really realized and internalized that it wasn't a trade-off, that making time for myself didn't have to come at the cost of being the wife and the mom I wanted to be. If anything, it's just made me better. So then how do you make yourself more happy? It's part mindset, yes, knowing how your brain works and reframing your thoughts to find peace with all the things you can't control while taking ownership of what you can. But it is also hugely about making more time for you, for what you enjoy, for a creative outlet, a hobby, time with friends, whatever fills your cup, so to speak. And it's just about having time apart from the kids in addition to all of the great time you are hopefully having with them. It's about not taking on guilt or making yourself feel wrong for wanting to do something other than be with your family. And it's especially about surrounding yourself with other women who get it, who uplift and inspire you to take better care of yourself so that you can be that much better for those you love. Now, making time for you is what this podcast is all about. That's the title. But it's way more than we can fully cover in any single episode. It is one of those things that sounds so simple, yet is so, so hard to put into practice. Trust me, I know. But we are going to keep unpacking this and help you do just that. Your homework for today is to make two lists. One of all the things you want more time for, and another list of all the reasons your brain might be offering you as to why those things aren't feasible. If you want to share either or both of your lists with me, you can either email me directly using the link in the show notes or DM me on Instagram at solutions for simplicity. Join me back next episode where we are going to dig into the epidemic of martyr mentality that is rampant among moms. You will be amazed to learn where it really comes from. And as always, we'll talk about real proven ways to break free of its harmful grasp. Until then, remember nothing you do changes how wonderful and worthy you are. Have a great day. I know more than anyone how precious your time is, so the fact that you spent it listening to this podcast means the world. Make sure to subscribe and if you got value out of this show, I would be so honored if you'd leave a review and share this episode with another busy mama who needs to hear it. We've got this.