You've been Lied to: 3 Huge MYTHS about Time

You juggle so much and work so hard…so why does it never feel like enough? Because you’ve been lied to. 

In this powerful episode, I share three big myths about time that you, like me, surely fell for. These harmful false beliefs are so common that you might not even realize how strongly they pervade your everyday actions—but they really set you up for misery, if not failure.

Don’t worry: I break down what these three time management myths are, where they come from, and why they’re so devious along with the TRUTH you really need to know instead.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:

• What you’re really signaling when you say, “I don’t have enough time”
•  Key differences between those who struggle to use their time “well” versus those who succeed in spite of how “little” time they have at their disposal
•  The ugly reality of where the concept of “time management” comes from
•  How the rational part of your brain is overridden by your subconscious beliefs
•  Why motherhood throws your identity and self-worth into question more than ever before

HOMEWORK:

Journal about your pre-existing thoughts and beliefs about time. What does time represent to you? Where have those thoughts come from? What messages did you receive about time and how you spend it growing up? Then step back and get curious: Do you still think all those things are true? Why or why not? What do you want to believe about time? And which of the three myths covered in this episode feels most prevalent for you? Share your thoughts with me via email or Instagram DM if you'd like personalized feedback!

COMING UP NEXT:

Ever gotten annoyed or enraged when someone tells you to “relax”, “let it go,” or “just do less”? In the next episode, I’ll unpack why these are the exact WORSE advice you can give to a busy mom trying to balance it all.

CONNECT WITH AMBER: Website | Instagram | YouTube | LinkedIn

Ready to finally get to the root of your problems and change your life FOR GOOD? Book your free 60-minute consult to learn more about working 1:1 with Dr. Amber.

Transcript

0:00

Don't kill the messenger, but you have been lied to. Today, we are diving deep into three huge myths about time that have surely been ingrained into your brain, but are absolutely untrue. I'm going to break down what these three false beliefs are, why they are so devious, and of course, what you really need to know instead. Welcome to More Time for Mom, where overwhelmed moms get science-backed strategies to overcome the hidden sources of stress stealing your time and joy. I'm your host, Dr. Amber Curtis. Ready to make more time for you? Let's dive in. We are 11 episodes into the More Time for Mom podcast so far, and I have been dying to record this episode for you because I fell for these three lies about time for way too long. And I can guarantee that you have fallen for at least one, if not all of them, too. If it sounds like I'm a little fired up about this, I am, because I've experienced firsthand the harm these lies cause, not just to you, but to your family. Let's get straight into it. Myth number one is I don't have enough time. How many times, sweet mama, have you thought that or said that yourself? I've lost count, right? I think this is such a common refrain. But it is not only unhelpful, it is blatantly untrue. We all have 168 hours in every week. If you're a math person, but don't worry if you're not, the reality is that anything constant cannot explain variation. If everyone has the same amount of time in the week, then that cannot explain why some people feel like they are able to get everything they want to do done in the time they have, while you feel like you never have enough time. The hard truth is that when you say, I don't have enough time, what you're really saying is that you're not clear on your priorities. It is so normal and natural to have more to do than time to do it. That's really just life. But you still get to choose how you spend your precious time, and that should be so empowering. Instead, we often put all of these pressures and expectations on ourselves and then play the victim to make it seem like time is the problem. The question should be, why do some people struggle while others succeed? There are a lot of different explanations here. The first one is that your capacity does change in different seasons of life. It is 100% true that you have more or less disposable time under different circumstances. But I really want you to know that life is about doing the best you can under those circumstances. When you're in a season of low capacity, as we talked about in episode 2, time still isn't the problem. It's that you have big, underlying, unresolved feelings about your diminished capacity, and you're still trying to hammer on with the same tools that worked in other, higher-capacity seasons of life. You're burning the candle at both ends. You don't know how to have or hold boundaries. You let yourself get distracted by shiny objects. You misuse the free time that you do have. Now, I am so not calling out or shaming you here. We all do these things. They are not inherently wrong. The danger is in what you are making any of those behaviors mean and the fact that you are using time to blame for your problems. Feeling like you don't have enough time is a beautiful signal that bigger things are off in your life, and it's your invitation to step back and recalibrate. Another thing that can explain why some people struggle while others succeed is your energy rhythms, as we talked about in episode 10 entitled, Why Everything Feels So Hard. You are not a machine. Your body is naturally primed for certain activities at various times of the day, week, month, and year. But we live in a society that doesn't teach or honor that. So you are expected to perform at this unrealistically high level all the time. And when you're physically or emotionally unable to do that, you think it means something is wrong with you. or you berate yourself for being a failure when it is actually completely explainable and to be expected. In order to be your most productive self and be truly productive where you are making traction on the specific things that add meaning and value to your unique life, to work from peace, not from pressure, you have to start paying attention to your four innate underlying energy rhythms, which are your circadian rhythm, your ultradian rhythm, your infradian rhythm, and your circoseptin rhythm, so you can harness them to get an incredible incredible amount of stuff done in your peak performance windows, but then properly rest, recharge, and give yourself grace in your inevitable low energy valley moments. Finally, the third reason why some people struggle while others succeed really comes down to personality, which is nothing more than the beliefs that have become ingrained in you over time. Now, we all have a story. The way that you were born and raised wired your brain to believe certain things, to develop certain what are called neuro tag patterns of default thinking and behavior that dictate 90 plus percent of your daily activities today, the way you were parented, the complex trauma you might have experienced, the capital T trauma moments you might have endured. Sweet Mama, they're still with you. So many women were raised being told that they had to be the good girl who does everything right and is always responsible, puts others' needs ahead of your own, never complains. It's these kinds of things that are now determining so much of how you spend your time. because you don't know anything other than people-pleasing and perfectionism, for example. Until you're aware of these patterns and have the proven tools to re-establish safety within your body and re-regulate your nervous system, you are always going to be living in a reactive, threat-response state where you spend your time Doing things simply because you've been led to believe, that's what a good person does. The truth is that you have all the time you need, and only you get to discern what is the most important use of your time. It is absolutely OK to say no, but we're going to keep working through why that is so hard. For now, you just have to know that thinking you don't have enough time is a myth, and you have to start affirming to yourself that time is not the problem. Myth number two is the one I know you have fallen for, and that is thinking that you just need to manage your time better. The ugly reality of time management is that it is a philosophy that emerged out of the capitalist philosophy of running an economy. And it really came about as factory owners and capitalists were thinking about how to maximize profit. Productivity is technically defined as the amount of output produced For the input that went in, business owners are trying to make sure that they can produce more of these things and then charge higher prices while minimizing the labor costs that go into it. The whole idea of time management is that workers should be as efficient and productive with their time as possible. And again, that's not a bad thing per se, but it has become really misused and time management is really so futile in nature Because time is always in flux. You can spend all this time planning and scheduling and quote-unquote managing, but then things rarely, if ever, go according to plan. And even when they do, things eventually change and you need a whole new system because the old one stops working. The most harmful dimension of this belief that you can manage your time is where do you draw the line? It's that pulling at the proverbial thread until the whole sweater unravels. Because if you are always trying to squeeze more and more out of every minute at work, at home, for personal development. It just becomes this really slippery slope where you are only ever adding more to your plate, and you fall for the false belief that if you could just find the right time management system, then you could do and balance it all. I absolutely hate that phrase, work-life balance, with a passion, in case you couldn't tell. There is no such thing. We can be intentional about work-life optimization, but every moment is an invitation to intentionally choose what you are doing, who you are with, and what you feel. I know this is hard to hear, but your desire to manage your time ultimately comes down to a need for control. And again, there is no shame or judgment whatsoever. This was me too. And it's why I have been working for years to repair all of this within myself and now coach other women to do the same. The truth is that time is a gift. It was never meant to be managed. Time management and toxic productivity culture put incredible pressure on you that just steals your peace and your joy. What you have to embrace, what you have to affirm, is that you are not just a cog in the wheel. You are not just this automaton that shows up and performs on cue and produces all of this stuff more and more efficiently on demand. When you subscribe to that belief, you are ultimately losing time because you are living by somebody else's rules and playing into the game of this larger system that doesn't value human life, let alone your unique needs and situation. Myth number three is that your worth depends on what you have to show for your time and how much you have produced. If you have listened to any of my podcast episodes all the way through, you've hopefully heard my repeat sign-off that nothing you do changes how wonderful and worthy you are. And I hope you really take that to heart. I know that your brain probably writes it off really quickly like, duh, of course, but Subconsciously, pay attention to whether your body believes me when I say that. I would be willing to bet that it doesn't, that deep down, you still feel this incessant compulsion to strive and achieve and seek external validation because that's how you've always known you were enough. When you're not able to perform at your exceptionally high standards, whenever you don't have big things to show for your time, your inner critic tells you you're a failure. This becomes so huge in motherhood because the overwhelming majority of what you do is invisible work. You can clean the house, but it's just dirty again 10 minutes later. You load the dishwasher, and the sink just piles right back up with more dirty dishes. You restock everyone's dresser with clean clothes, and your husband and kids never even realize all the time that went into sorting, washing, drying, folding, and hanging it all. You meal prep and cook only for new meals to need to be made three times a day every day, not even counting snacks. We won't even delve into the invisible labor of parenting right now, which is the most wonderful but truly the most thankless job ever. The point is that you are not and never could be a failure, no matter what you do, no matter how much or how little you do, quote unquote little. For so many women, the false belief that you have to earn your worth is so deeply wired into your brain that you literally cannot sit still. You are always go, go, go, constantly seeing more that could or should be done. You feel such tension to do that you can't just be. And people telling you to relax just stresses you out all the more. The truth is you can't earn your worth, nor do you need to. You are priceless, invaluable, incredible. There's only ever going to be one you. And if you don't believe your worth yet, then please borrow my belief in you. Let my reassurance plant that seed of hope and encouragement in your soul that the world needs you exactly as you are. I am behind you every step of your journey to rediscover who that you is and help you to realign your time and reclaim your joy. Your homework is to journal about your pre-existing thoughts and beliefs about time. What does time represent to you? Where have those thoughts come from? What messages did you receive about time and how you spend it growing up? Then step back and get curious. Do you still think all those things are true? Why or why not? What do you want to believe about time? Which of the three myths covered in this episode feels most prevalent for you? Is it that you don't have enough time? That you need to manage your time better? Or that your worth depends on what you have to show for your time? At this point, I hope you're feeling a little cynical, saying, well, Amber, that's all fine and good to remind us to separate our worth from our productivity and that we shouldn't try and do it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But how do you actually change your relationship with time? How do you actually come to believe those new truths? That is such a fair question. I bet what you've heard from other productivity experts and time management coaches, or maybe even a well-meaning husband or friend, is that you simply need to cut back and do less. That's actually the exact opposite advice I would offer, and might end up doing you way more harm than good. Join me back next episode to learn why. And if the hair on the back of your neck prickles up or you feel rage start to explode inside of you when someone tells you to chill or relax, you cannot afford to miss this one. Until then, remember nothing you do changes how wonderful and worthy you are. Have a great day. I know more than anyone how precious your time is, so the fact that you spent it listening to this podcast means the world. Make sure to subscribe, and if you got value out of this show, I would be so honored if you'd leave a review and share this episode with another busy mama who needs to hear it. We've got this.