4 Steps to Make ANY Change Easier: Transitions Without Turmoil

All change—even really simple or good change—is hard because your brain inevitably perceives it as a threat.

In this episode, you get exclusive access to my powerful “Transitions Without Turmoil” masterclass where I review the neuroscience behind why change is so stressful & give you my signature, science-backed 4-step framework for navigating any and every change WELL.

(No one teaches you this in school and I'd be willing to bet no one you grew up with modeled this for you but it's so essential you know it so you can teach it to your kids!)

HELPFUL RESOURCES:

Grab my Graceful Change Blueprint and Transitions Toolkit Checklist so you can show up as your ideal self, even in the most stressful times.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:

•  What happens in your brain & body anytime you go through something new and unfamiliar
• Key mindset shifts you need to see change is an opportunity, NOT a challenge (but why mindset work alone WON’T work)
• What almost everyone gets WRONG during times of transition (& how to avoid that mistake)
• Simple, actionable things you can do to make ANY change feel easier (& which proven ORDER in which to do them)
• How thinking of your physical & mental capacity as a computer operating system can help avoid “spinning out of control”

FOR SO MUCH MORE:

Book your FREE 60-minute consult here!

Ready to take radical responsibility for your own happiness so your kids see you living your best life and know that’s possible for them, too? The Happy Mom ProtocolTM will fundamentally change your perspective on prioritizing your happiness above all else and equips you with six simple “Happiness Habits” that are scientifically PROVEN to help you be significantly happier in just seven days!

HOMEWORK:

Your homework for this episode is to implement Steps 1-4 for whatever transition you’re going through right now. Share your thoughts with me via email or DM me on Instagram. 

COMING UP NEXT:

Join me back next episode to continue unpacking the root causes of stress and overwhelm so you’re better equipped to deal with them in a healthy, productive way.

The Moms Making Time Society™ is an online membership that equips you with EVERYTHING you need to prioritize yourself and your passions so you (and your family!) can flourish. Lock in the founding-member rate while you can!

CONNECT WITH AMBER: Website | Instagram | YouTube | LinkedIn

Ready to finally get to the root of your problems and change your life FOR GOOD? Book your free 60-minute consult to learn more about working 1:1 with Dr. Amber.

Transcript

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You're gonna want to bookmark this episode somehow. Maybe even email it to yourself so that you can refer back to it in the future. Because what you are about to hear is that powerful. Welcome to More Time for Mom, where overwhelmed moms get science-backed strategies to overcome the hidden sources of stress stealing your time and joy. I'm your host, Dr. Amber Curtis. Ready to make more time for you? Let's dive in. No matter who you are or what season of life you are in, I can guarantee that you are going through some kind of life change right now. And if for any reason you're not, you will soon, which is all the more reason to tuck this episode away for future reference when you do. Last week, I held a special one-hour masterclass called Transitions Without Turmoil. where I taught my signature, science-backed, four-step formula for graceful change. Here's the thing. You are not naturally your best self in the midst of change, even really good change, because your brain thrives on consistency and predictability, and change brings the complete opposite. As we've talked about in the last couple episodes, changes, transitions, are inevitable. I don't have to tell you that life is always changing, and there are countless big milestones and kinds of life events that have the potential to really throw you off if you don't know how to navigate them right. And spoiler alert, none of us does, at least not without the information and framework you are about to learn in this training. In fact, most people jump straight to step four and then don't understand why their efforts always backfire. As you are about to learn, it's because you have to do steps one through three first. I can't wait to hear what you think once you've had a chance to listen, and be sure to share this with at least one other person who'd benefit. Let's dive in. Biggest welcome to this free training on transitions without turmoil. This was an idea that I got a few weeks ago because If you're in my situation, right, young kids at home, the back to school season can just feel crazy. But that's just one example of so many kinds of transitions. And it really is, you know, any transition is a time where you are at risk of losing your mind. I have lost mine many, many, many times. And I just want to give you this very powerful general framework for handling change in your life, right? Handling changes that you might have relatively little control over. because those tend to make us spiral and just feel, you know, isolated or frustrated. And at a minimum, as we'll talk about, there is a very high logistical cost to navigating change. So I'm going to just jump in here and Try and get the slides moving forward. Lots, as always, that I love to cover in these trainings, but I want to be especially protective of your time. I know how busy you are. I'm in the same boat. And I'm going to really jam-pack the front end of this masterclass. You know, if you have questions, by all means, enter them in the chat as we go through, but we will have formal question and answer time at the end, as well as open coaching. So if you want personalized feedback on your situation, I am here for that. But I wanna just get through this really important framework and make sure you get the punchline, and then there are some additional bonuses and other opportunities I can't wait to talk with you about. So we are going to first just do a brief introduction, then talk about many kinds of transitions to, again, make this relevant to you no matter what season of life you are in, how many kids you have, what's going on. The framework still applies no matter what. I am going to underscore what is happening in your brain and your body when you are going through a transition, particularly an unexpected one. My experience is that even the good changes and even the ones that you do know about ahead of time can still really throw you. They can just rock your world. And any change is hard, right? Because it's a deviation from the old way of doing things. Then we're going to dive into why I titled this Masterclass, A Framework for Graceful Change. What is that all about and why we should want to strive for being graceful in the midst of chaos. Some important perspectives to keep in mind. And these are going to really go against the default that your brain is offering you in hard moments. Then we'll again get into the really important part of this class, which is the four-step framework, and conclude with an invitation to work further as well as that open coaching and Q&A. You are in the right place. If you have ever gone through any kind of life transition, any change, anything, whether unexpected or expected, that made your life feel hard, and especially if you have experienced some internal resistance to that change, You thought you had a plan, right? This straight arrow. You thought you were going to go from A to Z or A to B and then instead life threw you a curveball or something just, you know, came up and even the things you expected, again, can feel so hard. So how do we navigate that? That's what this framework is going to help you with. Then, I want to of course just welcome you. I am Dr. Amber Curtis. I believe many of you have known me for quite a while, but if you are new, I am so thrilled you are here. I am a certified life coach. I am a neurosomatic practitioner. I've gone through lots of training. to really just understand how the brain and the body work together. And so, again, that's just fancy lingo for some really technical and scientific things that I love to make simple. I want everyone to be able to understand all this complex stuff that you might not because it really is having a constant impact on your life. So my mission is always to make this very digestible and relevant to your personal situation. I have been a behavioral science professor for over 15 years, still working full-time, although I've started taking summers off, and I'm about to start back here in the fall. So that is the most immediate transition I am going through, along with my kids going back to school. I am a mom of four boys. It is wild. And I have had a lot of really hard transitions in my life. I could go on and on about them, but many of you probably know that my biggest was becoming suicidal after becoming a mom and trying to keep up with my very demanding job along with all of the things I wanted to do at home. And then even after then, so many hard things like losing my mom to cancer and navigating adding additional children into our family, trying to figure out how to get childcare, so that we can get to work, and so many other things. And then, again, this back-to-school transition is maybe silly, but it is a big deal for kids, and therefore for the parents that are navigating that. But whether you have young kids or not, I promise this training is relevant to you. I am so excited that you are here live, and if you are watching the replay afterwards, I'm so grateful that you're at least getting the framework. That is the most important part of this training. But I wanted to offer a special series of bonuses to anyone that is here in person. You are going to get my Graceful Change Blueprint. which is going to recap everything that we've talked about here, give you some really helpful questions and other resources to ponder, and then you will get a special transitions toolkit checklist to make sure you are doing all the things you need to do to follow this framework. So really simplifying and giving you concrete resources to go along with this powerful information. Transitions are everywhere. I'm going to quickly run through some different categories of transitions. We're just going to blow through this, but the point is that I want you to be thinking about how common it is. Our normal changes, and we have to find that new normal. Many of us experience very big transitions. Some have to do with family and parenting, like becoming a mother or kids going to school, entering different grades, graduating high school, moving off to college, the season of becoming an empty nester when your kids are all out of the house. definitely might look forward to becoming a grandparent, or you might already have that privilege. But there are just so many things that relate to our role as mothers. And as I'm sure you can attest, motherhood is a moving target. You don't get your kids in the same age or stage for very long. And especially if you have multiple kids, there are just so many dynamics that you as the mother are navigating. I am always out there just reminding moms that you are the emotional regulator of your house. Everyone depends on you to be their rock, to be their foundation. And that's why the work I do is that much more important, right? I want you to be your best so that you can help your family through all of these challenging times. We experience so many life and identity shifts, especially around career, but it can also be moving. Last year, my family got very sudden news that our boys had gotten into a new school and a couple weeks into the new school year, we ended up moving an hour away from our old town to get closer to the new school and oh my goodness, that was just crazy. But then I would really include here big transitions as we age, whether that is a milestone birthday, 30, 40, 50 plus, it's definitely a big deal when we start going through perimenopause or menopause and maybe you feel like you don't even know who you are anymore. You don't necessarily understand what's happening in your body. Again, these are just examples, but there are so many life and identity shifts that we go through. Emily adds that mom is the emotional regulator of her house, so profound. But yes, it is definitely true, and the research underscores this for sure. Okay, and then lastly, we have emotional and relational transitions, where our social network can change and how we see ourself can shift. This can definitely occur if you get married or separated or divorced or remarried. I, again, have way more experience than I wish I did with losing close loved ones and that grief, right? No one gets it unless they've gone through it. But it's really, really hard. Caring for aging parents is very demanding. We often experience a variety of mental health challenges as we are trying to balance everyone else's needs with work demands, home demands, and our personal needs. It is so, so much. I have definitely, again, been burnt out multiple times and am on a mission to make sure that you don't burn out or that if you do, we can get you back faster. And it bears saying that in this day and age, we have so many world events that tug at your heart, make it feel like the world is constantly in chaos, everything is uncertain, prices are skyrocketing. There's a lot going on. I show you all of these so that you can give yourself credit for how much you are inevitably dealing with at any one time. Life is not static. It doesn't stay the same, even day by day. And the rational part of you knows that, but the physical and emotional part of you really, really wants it to stay the same, right? We thrive in predictability and consistency and just knowing what's coming. And transitions throw all that out the window, even simple ones like back to school season. So why are transitions so hard? There are a few different categories of reasons. The first and most basic is, as I mentioned, these logistical challenges we face. You've made a plan for whatever it is, right? I had even just this summer filled out my planner from now till the end of the year, and wouldn't you know, everything's already needing to shift. And I'm one of those crazy type A recovering perfectionists where the simple act of having to scratch out or put white out in my planner, like, oh, I I hate it. It's so hard when plans don't go according to plan. And yet, again, that's life. It's really inevitable. It's a matter of when, not if, your plans are going to be disrupted. Part of why transitions are so hard is that we go from thinking we know what's coming to realizing we have a complete lack of information. We have no real certainty about how things are going to go. And you know, your brain loves to fill in that gap with all of the worst case scenarios, all of the drama, all of the all or nothing, black or white, world is ending kind of thoughts that really cause us to spiral. And the bigger point is that obviously transitions require changes in our logistics. We need a new plan, but you cannot make those new plans when your brain is in a spiral. So moving on, and we'll come back to how to get out of that spiral, but of course transitions have a very real physical impact on your body. The mental exertion of thinking about what's coming and then trying to navigate the emotions you're feeling, that takes a very real physical toll. You are probably so busy or maybe so distraught that you're less able to sleep. You're tossing and turning. You get headaches. You feel the tension in your neck and your shoulders. You might have digestive issues. This is just a sample of the kinds of symptoms that we often experience as physical ramifications during a transition. The fancy scientific term for this is called, you don't necessarily need to remember that, but it is the physical expression of emotional distress. And the biggest scientific takeaway in the last decade is underscoring that your emotions have a very real, concrete, physical effect. For many, many years, there were lots of people who assumed that or believed that, guessed it, but now we have scientific evidence in so many areas that that is indeed the case. I want to normalize that, right? I want you to know that if you are not feeling well while you're going through a transition, there's a very real reason why. And also that you need to be very kind to yourself and take that much better care of yourself during a transition because you are inevitably going to be more tired and have less capacity than you would if things had stayed the course and you weren't dealing with this transition. Let's next talk about social and relational issues that come up during a transition. I will give you one example, just a small little anecdote. But last week, as I was trying to finalize school supplies for getting my four kids stuff all ready for them to start school this week, I had so much on my mind and I was just so consumed thinking about all of these things that I spiraled into getting so frustrated at my husband that he wasn't helping and he doesn't even know all of these things that I'm doing and why am I always the default parent and blah blah blah blah blah. So then of course I was short-tempered with him. I was short-tempered with my kids and more prone to snapping at them for no fault of their own. They weren't doing anything different. It was just that my capacity was diminished because I was so stressed out about these other things. Obviously, that is not an example of handling change gracefully. The good news is that using the framework I'm going to share with you, I was really able to stop that in its tracks and get out of that spiral much, much faster than I ever used to in the past. But the bottom line is that when Things are going on, good, bad, hard. It's just that any new change is different and unfamiliar, so people are freaking out and no one is at their best. Everybody is really struggling to navigate the uncertainty and we need to therefore extend people the benefit of the doubt, but we also need to have that much more understanding of what's going on in our body so that we catch ourselves before we cause further harm to our relationships in these moments. The biggest thing is transitions inevitably bring emotional distress. Change is unfamiliar. It's uncharted territory. And even if it's something that reoccurs, like the back-to-school transition, you've never navigated this back-to-school year before. Your kids are in new grades. You have a new set of supplies that you've got to get. Maybe you've started a new school or you have a kid that is starting school for the first time or going off to college. It's always new, even if it's a kind of change you've been through before. Anytime you are in a situation of change and difference, your brain is designed to perceive a threat. Your brain's job is to keep you safe and to always be on high alert for anything that is going to take your energy, put a risk to your life, and steal your joy. Because the brain is designed to seek pleasure, preserve your life, and conserve your energy. I delve into that in other trainings, but again, all of this chaos in your mind has a very real disruption on your hormones. I don't have time to delve into all the neuroscience here, but I want you to know, firstly, that this is everyone. Everyone's brain throws them into a hormonal upheaval when you are going through any transition, big or small. It's silly, but even having something be out of stock when you place your Walmart grocery order, That is a perceived threat to your brain because you made a plan, you placed an order, and then, oh no, what am I gonna do? Now I don't get it, I've gotta find something else. The brain is seriously out to make a big deal out of everything. And then the hardest part of life is that there is no pause button. You are forced to keep going and put one step in front of the other, even when you don't know what step to take. You wish you could just, have everything hold still for a minute so you could figure it out. We don't have that luxury. We're always trying to make the best decision we can under the circumstances while our brain is working against us. That's why I'm here to help. I wanna give just a very short recap of how your nervous system works because again, this is the driver of all of your experiences. Your entire life is dictated by your nervous system. You probably know that you have your central nervous system in your brain and your brain stem and then you have a peripheral nervous system where all of those neural connections are wired literally throughout the rest of your body. Your body is constantly sending signals back to your brain Your brain is constantly sending signals through your body. And many of these are very good and benign to keep us breathing and heart pumping, all of those things. But when we are in a state of emotional upheaval or distress, any perceived threat, then everything is just going crazy. And the key, key thing to remember is that whenever you are stressed, You do not have access to your rational, problem-solving, prefrontal cortex part of your brain. When you are emotional, especially negative emotions, but even positive emotions, anytime you are emotional, Your lizard brain takes over. Your primal lizard brain, as it is affectionately known, consists of several different key parts of the brain that govern your automatic responses to the world around you. The number one thing, the number one thing I want you to know from this training is that you cannot override that programming without first regulating, re-regulating your nervous system. To tie it all together, any change evokes a perceived threat and anytime your brain feels threatened, your rational problem-solving part of your brain gets shut down. and you cannot navigate those changes as your best self until you first learn how to calm your lizard brain down. I know you know this, especially if you're on my email list. I love teaching about this and raising awareness of the fact that your stress response, the way your body responds to any perceived threat, is usually very different than men. But we can either have a fight response where we're feeling aggressive and ragey and we're trying to fight back against the threat. We have the flight response where we're just like, out of here, I'm up and leaving, I can't deal with this anymore. We have the freeze response where we just don't know what to do and we're paralyzed and we really can't move forward. This is, again, especially common under a perceived threat. And then a lot of people don't know about these last two stress responses, which are fawn and fix. The fawn response is the people pleaser that just wants to do whatever she can to make the threat go away. I will just do whatever you want. Just tell me and I want to make sure that you know I'm on your side. So there's a lot of trampling on yourself that happens if you have this kind of response. I work with so many women who tend to be, like me, a recovering perfectionist, type A, oldest daughter, people pleaser. This fawn response is so huge for us. Lastly, there's the fixed response, where you are jumping into trying to solve the problem, but if you remember, you don't have access to your rational problem-solving brain, so all of your fix-it strategies are like throwing spaghetti at the wall. There is no real strategy, and you're not well-informed in that situation because you can't think clearly. You're only thinking emotionally. So the big, big overarching points for the first part here is that you, your whole life is dictated by your nervous system, particularly by your emotions. Research shows that well over 90% of all of your current responses are dictated by what you have experienced in the past. especially the way your brain got wired in childhood. I love to teach on all of this stuff. It's what I work with one-on-one with my clients to help you understand the way in which the messages you received, the way you were treated, the life experience you've had, how all of that has led your nervous system to act the way that it does. We call these trauma responses. I don't want you to be scared off by that term. I am a trauma-informed practitioner, so I've been certified in helping you navigate those very, very hard, real traumas. But I want you to know that even things that you probably think are normal or that were no big deal when you were younger, they still make up what scientists have identified as complex trauma. If you don't learn to identify how your brain is wired and heal all of the past wounds, all of the parts of your nervous system that make you perceive a bigger threat than you are actually going through, you will continue to not show up as your best. You will continue to struggle in all of your transitions. will be that much harder. You won't be able to navigate them with grace. Lastly, the research on this is so profound, but you've probably heard this saying, that the body keeps the score. Meaning that all of your stress, all of your past experiences, they take that very real physical toll, that somatization toll on your body, Over time, this leads to all kinds of negative health outcomes, particularly chronic illness. Research shows even cancer. And we don't want that. I want you to live your best, amazing, most long life possible. How do we do that? In times of transition, you want to be able to access your prefrontal cortex, your ideal self. You need to be able to re-regulate your nervous system, and that's the framework that I'm going to teach you in just a second. But I think one of the most helpful ways of thinking about what is graceful change and what it means to be graceful is to think of the opposite. We call this an anti-identity. Grace is not who I was last week. It is not the cranky, angry, strong-reacting woman. That's so common and so normal. No shame or judgment if you've had that reaction. But obviously that's not perhaps the grace-filled person we aspire to be. It is crucial that in any situation, you are thinking about how your ideal self would handle that situation. As you can see, the typical mode of behavior is to think, we have to have the life we want in order to be able to do the things we know we should do, and then we will finally be the person we aspire to be. But that is not actually what is most helpful. The real most successful people know that you have to start from your ideal self. You start with that identity of how the best version of you is, how they would show up. You do the things that that person would do, even if you've never done them before, but you want to be able to, again, really embrace that identity of your ideal self. And that leads you to take actions that get you the results you want. A few things to help put all of this in perspective. Just thoughts that I want to offer you. Change is everywhere and it's really not a threat. It is your invitation to the next level of your life. Transitions are the spaces where we get, get being the operative word, we get to decide who we want to become. They are not detours, they are actually pathways to the next level of your life. And transitions are shaping you, not breaking you. Which I know is what they feel like. Even something simple like back to school. The moment you've been waiting for, this four-part framework. A framework is like scaffolding. It's like what you start with when you are trying to do any construction project. It is the set of structures that are going to provide the foundation that leads to the finished product. We have to start at the core. The four-part framework for navigating change with grace consists in first noticing what's happening, what you're going through, normalizing the hardship, nurturing yourself, and then navigating the change after you've been able to successfully re-regulate your nervous system so you can navigate the situation as your ideal self with access to your problem-solving brain. I'm going to give you very specific tactical tools to do this. First step, again, is to notice. You have to be fully aware before you will take good action. It's very important that you identify what is changing and why that change feels so hard. You let yourself think through all the, I call them ripple effects of what this change is going to mean and how fundamentally it feels like it is transforming your life, perhaps not for the better, but I want you to be aware that we do tend to spiral here. We tend to make what is called the fast forward error, where we just assume that because of our current circumstance, all these other negative things are gonna happen. and we jump to conclusions and then things are rarely as bad as we initially perceive them. I want you to have tools to rein your brain back in, rein your lizard brain back in, and move forward with grace, clarity, and as your ideal self. The biggest part of this first step is really checking in with your brain and your body. This is not what you've likely been trained to do, but you have to stop and really think about what you are feeling, right? Name the emotions. I'll talk about that on the next slide. Then also identify the physical sensations that your body is offering you. The fancy term for this is interoception, and it is a skill. It is a learned practice of being able to actually recognize the messages your body is sending to your brain. Most of us were not trained to do this, not taught or modeled this as a child. If anything, our brain had to find ways of shutting down those bodily signs and signals because feeling what we felt at the time didn't feel safe. So our nervous system as a young girl immediately did whatever it had to do to ignore our body and perform or change or please other people, fight, flight, freeze, fix, or fawn to get out of threat from a young age. Really learning to come back and notice how you are feeling in your body in response to the threat of this transition is so, so huge. Some tools to do that are, of course, journaling. I'm sure you've heard, but it is one of the most cathartic, helpful, therapeutic practices you can implement. I have a bunch of resources to help you do that. Those of you who are here live, you will get those in the free bonuses I will send you. But in addition to journaling, which is so great for like really accessing your subconscious and getting out some of the thoughts you didn't realize you had. It's also so important that you name whatever emotions you are feeling and really call yourself out and let yourself feel the negative emotions as opposed to try and repress numb or dissociate from them, then I love teaching women to do a body scan where you are being still and you are just checking in with how you feel throughout your body. Step two is to normalize the fact that Everyone struggles with change. Congrats, you are a human. If you are freaking out, if you are stressed, if you are exhausted, if you wish this wasn't happening, that's all of us. That is the human brain. But what separates the people who handle change poorly from the people who handle change with grace is acceptance of discomfort. Really normalizing the fact that just because it feels uncomfortable doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong. I want to say that one more time because it's so important. Just because something feels uncomfortable doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong. But again, your nervous system is going to fight you on that unless you have these tools to really work with your brain and body. It's so important that you allow yourself to feel the multiple emotions that inevitably come up in any transition. And I'm going to use empty nest as an example here, but if you are sending a child off to college or maybe your last child and entering a whole new season of life where you are feeling loss, grief, sadness, maybe regret, fear and anxiety. Who are you apart from being a mother of kids needing you incessantly at home? Those are really big, strong, perhaps negative feelings, but you might also have some excitement, some relief, some happiness that you get this chance to now figure out who you are in the next phase of life. The whole point is that we don't want to make anything wrong, but you've got to be able to allow yourself to hold conflicting emotions at once. Also, to normalize the fact that everyone struggles with these kinds of things, but it's that much more important that you reach out to get support so that you are never alone. You're never the only one that is struggling, but you really need support to get the normalization experience from others who are going through similar things, have been there, can help you, and are experts in navigating these hardships. Tools to normalize are really working on your mindset. Reframing your thoughts is a huge power move that is in your control. At the same time, it is important you know that just changing your mindset is in no way as simple as most people make it sound. Your brain is always going to resist a new thought or a new belief if it conflicts with how your brain was wired. It's not as simple as you might think to just reframe your thoughts. This is where it is so powerful to work with an expert and be able to identify the thoughts that are holding you back and create that safety in your body for accepting and adopting a new belief. When you are surrounded by a support network and you have trusted others that you can turn to, it really helps you to realize that everyone has those similar frustrations and circumstances. And I, of course, am so just hoping that whether it's me or anyone else, You have a third party, an expert, that is so well-versed in all of this and can guide you through it so that we can point out things that you might not be seeing yourself. None of us has the full 360 view of our own life. We really need outside eyes to help us see what we don't know. Step three is Nurturing yourself. You have to take care of yourself more in times of transition than arguably at any other time. Which is so counterintuitive because in times of transition we talked about the logistical challenges and you have less time and energy than ever. But it's such a chicken and egg problem where you need to take care of your physical and emotional needs more than ever. I want you to support yourself like you would your best friend or a daughter. One of the most powerful kind of coaching tools that I work with people on is thinking about how you would handle this situation if it was your best friend or your daughter going through it. Inevitably, women are always like, oh, I would never say the horrible, critical things I'm saying to myself to that person. So really be so kind and graceful to yourself, but you have to protect what we call the non-negotiables. which are getting good sleep and lots of it, really feeding your body with wholesome, nourishing food, which again is so hard because when you're busy or stressed, what do you turn to? The fast food, the alcohol, the sugar, all of the things that are terrible for our brain and body. Then we've got to move your body. Just light, gentle movement is great, but things that release the stress, get your blood pumping, and help remind your brain that you are physically safe. It's important to keep your daily anchors, which are whatever things you do for your own sanity. Even if it's something like five minutes of scrolling before bed, don't feel bad about that if it makes you feel better and gives you some relief in that moment. But ideally, your anchors are things that are a little more healthy. But find pockets of joy where you are you're bringing in good. And maybe you intentionally have to seek that in these moments, but it's so important that when you are stressed out, you are also giving your brain lots of good, happy, positive input to help navigate the situation. There are so many grounding exercises that you can do. Some of my favorite, I'll just give you two, but just love putting my hands on my chest over your heart, taking a few deep breaths, close your eyes, trying to let your body feel heavy but feel supported, like the weighted blanket, it is so calming. The other thing that is so powerful can just be to lie down on the bed or the ground And just start with the tips of your toes and then work your way up your body from your toes to your soles of your feet to your heels to your calves and all the way up. Just check in with every part of your body and allow yourself to really intentionally try to relax that part of your body as you are focusing on it. Then back to basics with protecting your sleep, eating well, moving your body. One of the best things for nurturing yourself is getting that outside help. Having a support squad that is there to support you when you don't have much physical or mental emotional ability to support yourself. Here, the key thing is a just gentle plea that we always want to dig the well before you're thirsty, meaning you want to have a support network before you need it. The worst thing in the world, as I've been through multiple times, is being in the midst of this hard transition and not having anywhere to turn, not feeling like there's anyone that understands or anyone you can go to, anyone you can break down to and really divulge your deepest, darkest, secrets to. So we want to get that in place before a transition, if at all possible. Again, going back to the beginning of this training with all those examples of transitions, if you know one of those is on your horizon, then please reach out to me or other friends or any other people that you want to be part of your support squad. Get that in place. Step four is to finally navigate the transition as your ideal self, really taking command of steering your ship here. But as I underscored, you can only command your ship, particularly with grace, when you have re-regulated your nervous system. Most people, whenever we're hit with a transition, we jump straight to this step, straight to how to navigate it. And this will not work. You will not be able to navigate this change if you are in a state of dysregulation. Your brain and your body are in chaos. There is no way you are going to navigate any change as your best ideal self. You've got to go through steps one through three before you can effectively do step four. How do you actually steer your ship then? When you have calmed down and allowed yourself time to re-regulate your nervous system, then you do have access to your problem-solving brain. You can put things back in perspective better. You can come up with ideas and solutions that you otherwise wouldn't. And I encourage you to set very small goals here. Really take those baby steps to just think about what is the most essential thing I have to do next in order to keep moving through this. We're not gonna solve it all at once. We're getting comfortable in the discomfort and then we trust that it will all fall into place eventually. It will become our new normal. What is the most immediate thing I need to do next? We need to expect the constant deviations. There's more going on than we can comprehend. We don't have all the answers. We don't know exactly what the perfect solution is. So we need to expect course corrections, but always take that next best step in alignment with your deeper values, your ideal self, what matters to you. And times of transition are such a great opportunity to reflect on that. Because again, the old is no longer. You're invited to move into your next level, the new you. What are the values of that person? And how does she show up? Tools to navigate this step are really honing your skill of taking your thoughts captive. Step three on nurturing was reframing your thoughts, but in step four, you are the one that really has control over your mind, which requires having control over your nervous system and knowing how to work with your brain and body to do all of this. That's what I'm so passionate about teaching you. So helpful to have a daily or weekly check-in process where you're just reviewing, again, what's going well, what's not going well, what are you feeling, where are you feeling stuck, what's the next baby step that you need to take to start figuring out a way out of this maze. I hope so much that you found everything valuable so far. I really have given you this powerful four-step framework for navigating change and understanding why it is inevitably so hard. You're not crazy. It is hard. And your brain is just doing what it does when you're stressed and we're always perceiving that threat from any kind of transition. But the way out is to make sure that you follow this four-step framework and you ideally really get help from someone that can hold your hand and guide you through it. I really, really, really want you to just know that I am here. This is what I do. I am that person that can help you to put things in perspective, take your thoughts captive, learn how your brain got wired from a young age, and really heal those past wounds so they don't continue to dictate your life. Then we get super strategic. I am the rational problem-solving brain for you until you have access to yours again. I help you get out of those spirals faster. And all of this work spills over into every area of your life. I work with women in all seasons of life, all ages, all kinds of problems. and there is no pressure whatsoever, but I invite you to sign up for a free 60-minute consultation. I promise you will get so much value just from 60 minutes of pouring your heart out to me and then letting me help offer an entirely new perspective. You're going to come away with such clarity about the real root problems going on behind whatever you're experiencing. I'm going to show you the simple fixes because every problem truly does have a solution, but your brain can't offer you those when you are emotional and stressed. I just want you to know I am here. So I am putting the link in the chat to schedule that free 60-minute consultation with me. There's no pressure to go on and hire me as your life coach, but I will let you know that I only have a few spots left for fall. I work in six months at a time, and I would just be so honored to hear how you're doing, help you, and offer at least clarity on what's going on. whether we continue to work together or not. I sincerely hope that you will book that free 60-minute consultation and that we could just talk one-on-one. And yeah, I'm so excited. I just, I love this so much and I'm really, really passionate about making sure every one of you has the tools that I didn't back when I fell into a really dark place. I am going to open this up for questions and any clarification you need from the training as well as free open coaching. If you want to know what coaching is like and you want to ask me a question here and get personalized feedback, let's do it. I am totally down. Emily, you're so kind. Emily says do it. So book the consultation. Amber helped me slow down to speed up last fall and it changed everything for our family in such a good way. Emily, thank you. Seeing your progress has just been amazing and Many of you, you get my emails, so I think you know why I'm so passionate about this. But the more research I've done, the more clear it is that moms are the emotional regulators of our entire household. Your mental emotional well-being is the number one predictor of your kids' future mental well-being and success. We can't afford not to be our best self. And the world is constantly throwing chaos at us. We're going through all these transitions, change after change, new thing after new thing. Our brain is not equipped to handle those scenarios as our ideal self, at least not without guidance, support, and a lot of information that it has taken me so long and so many years of training to get. And I just want to speed up that journey for you. So thank you. Dr. Tracy says, how does the coaching work and how often? Love it, great question. I work six months at a time, one-on-one with clients, and we meet weekly for 45 minutes at a time. And there's so much that I break down. I have a signature process for really helping you understand how your brain and body work and how all of this applies to you, unpacking your past wiring, your patterning or programming that's going on in your brain, restoring safety in your body and learning to trust yourself, to love yourself, and to be able to access your rational problem-solving brain. And then we get super specific about whatever challenges you're facing in your life. So it really varies. Every call is so unique and personalized. If you follow me on Instagram, at Solutions for Simplicity, I regularly post stories or reels that are recapping the gist of what I helped someone with. But I am a general life coach. I help overwhelmed women of all ages and seasons with anything that's coming up. Can I ask a question, Amber? Yes. So can you talk a little bit more about transitions that maybe we planned for, expected, are excited about? But I'll just give like a little bit more context. Things have been booming so much because of all of the hugs that you gave me last fall. So this summer, I finally went full time in my business, which is amazing. It's what I've been working for for two years. I'm so excited that this is happening, but my body is like freaking out. And I think it's kind of like what you were talking about at the beginning. Can you just talk about transitions, even when they're positive, but our body and nervous system are maybe feeling stuck? Totally such a good question and again, I'm so happy for you. I love seeing your success story. Remember that any change is hard because it's new and different and the brain is a predictive machine. It relies on everything it's experienced in the past to inform it of what's gonna happen from here on out. When it encounters something new, good or bad, it is still trying to fit that new thing into the framework it already has in itself for what's coming, how it can best serve you to navigate this time. The best analogy I can give you is to think of your brain like a computer processor. You've got your stored memory, and many of us have so many things going on in our life, we're trying to remember it all. We've got maxed out storage, which makes our computer slow down for one. But then the real thing that affects us is that processing speed, the RAM, the memory that is available in the moment for dealing with whatever you're experiencing. The more tabs you have open on your computer, the more tabs or programs you have open, the slower your computer is going to be at loading the pages, working through the program. You'll just kind of get that spinny rainbow wheel and it takes time. It takes time for your brain and your body to catch up with the change. So again, like even a good change, it demands a new routine. It demands navigating your family's emotions about this situation. I know they're excited for you, but There are new changes of like who's picking up the kids from school and now who's making dinner because mom has a work project she's got to finish. So your brain gets bogged down by trying to think about all the problems that need to be solved. They're not even problems per se. Your brain perceives them as a threat or a problem but they're just questions that need answers. But your brain is bogged down with all of that and all of that memory is being used on that stuff, which has a very real physical toll. I don't want to bore you with all this science stuff, but there is a lot of neurochemical byproduct that is released when your brain has to think really hard. And when you are emotional, your brain has to think that much harder, because you have to work that much harder to get your prefrontal thinking brain online. That's the overarching answer to your question. Very understandable that you would feel tired. I want to offer to just give yourself a lot of grace. Just know that there's nothing wrong with you. Notice that it does feel hard, but that hard feeling isn't necessarily a bad feeling. One other practical tip is that when your brain starts offering you any kinds of thoughts like, oh, this is just so hard. I don't know what to do. How are we going to figure this out? We have to add the word yet onto that sentence. I don't have this figured out yet. Or I'm really struggling right now kinds of things. So yet or now, but really qualify and add some conditionality to what you're experiencing. The brain loves to jump to those conclusions and think that what you're feeling right now is going to doom you forever. Again, even if it's good, but you don't know in the moment, you think you're always going to be exhausted. You're always going to have that memory RAM used up. And you won't. Silly little personal example, but like, every time I've added a new child, my brain freaks out. How am I going to take all these kids by myself to the grocery store, for instance? I love my kids. Of course I wouldn't give any single one of them up. But logistically, physically, emotionally, the challenge is real. How am I gonna do this? I went through it with my first baby. How do I go to the store with a baby? I went through it with two kids. How do I have two kids and put them in the cart or whatever? Three, four, but now I go places with all four of my kids who are 12 and under all the time. It really was stressful to begin with because it was new and different, but it wasn't like a life threat the way that my brain felt it was. Any change. You're gonna get used to it in time, but you've got to have the tools to calm your mind down and really restore safety in your body. Hope that helps. That was a very long-winded answer. Yeah, that's super helpful. Somehow you just like naturally knew my brain was immediately going to and now you're stuck forever and you're never going to be able to scale. You kind of spoke to that too. Yes. Let me just throw one more personal anecdote at everybody because I want you to know that even though I have all of these tools, I'm not immune to getting triggered. I'm not immune to perceiving threat and getting stressed out. A little back story here is that my four kids just went back to school on Wednesday. They had a half day Wednesday, went a full day yesterday, And I had been waiting all summer for them to finally go back to school so I could get working on my syllabi for my university classes. I have this big training. I've got so much I'm excited to do with my coaching clients. And wouldn't you know, last night, my little three-year-old in 4K came homesick. and my brain was losing it. Like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna have to cancel everything. Maybe I should just stay up all night to get the slides done for this training. Should I move appointments? So many different things. And because of the tools that I have. I knew that none of those thoughts were helpful. I just was like, okay, thank you brain. Yep. This is not what I wanted. This is really disappointing. I'm frustrated. I'm overwhelmed. I'm naming the emotions. But also I wasn't going to make any decisions in the heat of that moment last night. I knew that I really needed to protect my sleep. I went to bed and I woke up and I'm like, ah, okay. What if this is the perfect opportunity to practice what I preach? To show you what it can look like to navigate transitions with... I mean, I don't mean to call myself graceful. I wish I was a heck of a lot better. But I'm like, this is my opportunity. to increase my capacity to handle hard things. Instead of, I gotta cancel everything, my world is doomed, and here go the next week and a half, because this illness is just gonna leapfrog through every person in my family. I'm like, ah, okay, woke up this morning, I'm gonna do this. I don't have as much on the slides as I otherwise would have put. There's so many more things I wanted to teach and do, but I want to show up. I am the person. I want to be the person. That's the future's best self-identity. I want to be. Reliable, dependable, the person who can show up even if I hadn't gotten the slides done. My sweet little sick guy. My husband is home today so he's doing a few things but I watched him in the morning. My husband's got him for these couple hours and then I'm gonna take over again. Yes, other things are having to get moved around. But we're going to figure it out. We always do. And that's what I want you to remind your brain of, too. Like, you've always figured it out. You have survived 100% of your hardest moments. I love you, Amber. You're the best. Oh, thank you. That really makes my day. Cece says, can you help me with various issues at age 72? Cece, I am so excited that you asked that question. Short answer is absolutely yes. I love that we are never too young or too old to really live our best life. I sincerely, sincerely hope that you have lived what you think is your best life up to this point, but remember that it can always get so much better. That's what's so amazing about life is no matter how hard it is, it can get better. No matter how great it is, there's still so much more to go. And I'm just amazed at the different levels of my life that I have gone through. I'm still always learning new tools. I still have coaches myself. I am investing in myself so that I can keep learning and growing and being my best self. What I have definitely seen is that everyone around me benefits from that. By me learning and investing, My whole family life has improved. I am able to teach my kids things that I'm so thankful they're getting because I sure didn't get that when I was a little girl. So truly, no matter your situation, no matter your age, no matter what perceived issues you feel like you have, I would love to talk about it. Tracy said, this was so good. Thank you. I love this. This is just what brings me so much joy, teaching and sharing and coaching. Oh, Emily, I love that. You said, being human is normal. I'm so glad that's your takeaway because yes, like each of you is completely normal. Congrats, you are human. You have a human brain. There's nothing wrong with you. You are not crazy. You can do this and it can always get better. Your homework for this episode is to identify what kind of transition or transitions are on the horizon for you right now, and then do the exercises in steps 1 through 4 so that you can approach them with as much peace and grace as possible. I know change, even simple change, like sending the kids back to school, or good change, like getting a promotion or adding a new baby into your family, it's still really, really hard. Hopefully, after listening to this training, you now have a much better idea why and feel better equipped to handle all the changes and transitions life throws at you from here on out. Reach out to me at Solutions for Simplicity on Instagram or email me through the link in the show notes to share your thoughts because I am always here and I would so love to connect more. As you heard, I offer free 60-minute consultations and there is so much value from the clarity and the outside perspective that you will get from just these 60 minutes. Never any pressure. The link is in the show notes to sign up for a time that works for you. Quick side note, as you heard, I have two powerful resources available that not only summarize the key takeaways from this training, but help you implement the four steps even more effectively. While these were free gifts for the people who attended the live training, I of course still wanted to make them accessible to you as well, so I will drop the link in the show notes for you to grab them at an exclusive discount price. Join me back next Tuesday for another episode where we continue to unpack the root causes of stress that are keeping you stuck and overwhelmed so you can overcome them and be better equipped to deal with them in a more healthy, productive way the next time they arise. Until then, remember nothing you do changes how wonderful and worthy you are. Have a great day.