Driven or Drained? Honoring Your Capacity Without Guilt

Are you being called to push or pause right now? Fall often feels like a prime time to go after your goals, yet many moms feel unmotivated and melancholic once kids return to school and they finally get a little margin back in their day.

In this episode, I normalize the functional “paralysis” you might experience after a transition. Rather than shame yourself for being unproductive, I invite you to honor your emotions and needs so you can, as they say, slow down to speed up. 

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:

• Why your brain LOVES to think of fall as a blank slate for going after big goals
• The two contrasting reactions moms often have this time of year
• The deep physical and emotional needs your body might be trying to communicate with you—and how detrimental it would be to ignore those signs
• Why your vicious inner critic shows up to make you feel guilty for NOT being ambitious and motivated
• How reaching out for help and surrounding yourself with likeminded women who GET IT is crucial for rebounding faster

Listen to Episode 14 on The Importance of SEASONAL Living.

FOR SO MUCH MORE:

Join the Moms Making TimeTM Society to get the structure, resources, motivation, accountability, and SUPPORT you need to reclaim your time, rediscover yourself, and reignite your joy so your whole family can flourish. Lock in your exclusive 20% off discount by September 18, 2025 so you can “Anchor + Achieve” with us this fall!

To explore personalized 1:1 support, book your FREE 60-minute consult here!

Ready to take radical responsibility for your own happiness so your kids see you living your best life and know that’s possible for them, too? The Happy Mom ProtocolTM will fundamentally change your perspective on prioritizing your happiness above all else and equips you with six simple “Happiness Habits” that are scientifically PROVEN to help you be significantly happier in just seven days!

HOMEWORK:

Your homework for this episode is to check in with yourself: Are you feeling energized and ready to conquer big things? Or do you need to give yourself permission to rest and reset so you can come back stronger?  Share your thoughts with me via email or DM me on Instagram @solutionsforsimplicity. Would love to connect further! 

COMING UP NEXT:

 Join me back next episode to continue unpacking the root causes of stress and overwhelm so you’re better equipped to deal with them in a healthy, productive way.

CONNECT WITH AMBER: Website | Instagram | YouTube | LinkedIn

Ready to finally get to the root of your problems and change your life FOR GOOD? Book your free 60-minute consult to learn more about working 1:1 with Dr. Amber.

Transcript

0:00

With fall approaching, there can feel like a lot of pressure to find your groove and accomplish big things. Yet, a lot of moms actually experience a sort of paralysis or hangover after summer, feeling blah, lost, unmotivated, or even discouraged. In this episode, I am normalizing that fact and giving you tips to acknowledge and honor whatever your capacity is. Welcome to More Time for Mom, where overwhelmed moms get science-backed strategies to overcome the hidden sources of stress stealing your time and joy. I'm your host, Dr. Amber Curtis. Ready to make more time for you? Let's dive in. Who else was overjoyed to see that September 1st fell on a Monday? Our rational brains know that it doesn't have to be any particular time of the day, week, month, or year for us to start anew and hit reset on our life and goals. We know the changing of the month or season is totally arbitrary, yet there is still something so emotionally appealing about the start of a new month And the fact that this month it coincided with the start of a new week felt amazing to my perfectionist semi-OCD brain. September has long been one of everyone's favorite months because it represents such a clear shift from summer mode to fall mode, vacation time to back to school. crazy hot weather to theoretically cooler, more pleasant weather. Without any huge holidays like Easter, Thanksgiving, or Christmas, September is just generally a month where we think we are going to find our groove, get so much done, and have a fire under us to crank out big goals before the end of the year. It feels so good to our brains to think about a clean slate a chance to reset after however the year has gone so far. Yet I am seeing two completely contrasting situations right now. Some women are squarely in the let's do this, time to dream big and work hard camp, feeling so motivated and on fire to hit the ground running on their goals now that the kids are squared away at school, their house is getting put back in order, and they finally have some margin for themselves again. They are making their schedules and blocking out time for all the things they want to do. They feel so invigorated at the chance to do things they've put on hold all summer. They are full of ambition and purpose, ready to harness the upcoming fourth quarter energy and challenge themselves to see what they can crank out before the end of the year. As I covered in my prior episode on seasonal living, which I will put in the show notes for you, fall is traditionally associated with the harvest. So it's an intuitive time of year to reap and enjoy the fruits of what you have sown up to this point, as well as to hurry and plant and harvest whatever else you want to before the proverbial winter comes. But a lot of other women are feeling the exact opposite. Instead of feeling energized and excited, it's like their brain and body are finally demanding a break. They have done so much to entertain the kids all summer long and get everything in place for the new school year, plus deal with everyone's emotions about the transition, and deal with whatever else is going on in their homes for their families, now that some things might feel like they are slowing down, they're left in a daze, feeling burned out and struggling with low or no motivation. Part of them wants to do big things, but their body is putting the brakes on. You might feel extra tired, maybe a little depressed. You feel lethargic. Maybe you've even gotten sick because your body feels like it can finally shut down for a bit. You keep thinking you will just snap out of it and get your act together, but you just feel off. Your to-do list gets longer and longer. You want to make a plan but either haven't yet or your plans keep needing to change. Whichever of these two situations resonates with you, I just want you to know that that's normal. They are both okay. They are both completely understandable and neither is better or worse than the other. There is no one right way to be this time of year or any other. It is so important that you do you. You simply use this time to check in with yourself and listen to what your body needs in this moment. Everything you see online or read in self-help books makes it seem like you should just wake up each day and go do incredible things. It gives you the illusion that all days are equal and your body is a machine that can go go go on command without stopping. It's so alluring to organize the puzzle pieces of your life just so, so that you can balance it all. But real life is totally different, isn't it? Some days you wake up and you just feel off, whether physically or emotionally. Your head is a mess, your body is sluggish, your motivation is non-existent. Those are the moments we tend to criticize and berate ourselves the worst. What's wrong with you? Get it together! You're so lazy!" that horrible inner critic shames. Instead of recognizing that your body is trying to tell you something and honoring your diminished capacity, you ignore the signals and force yourself to push through. which is so easy to do when you are a mom because the demands of mom life never stop. You feel like a failure because you can't seem to get as much done as you quote unquote should, let alone as much as it seems others are getting done around you. The reality is, whenever more space opens up in your life, whether on the calendar or in your mind, your brain is quick to fill it with something. It could be aspirations and goals, or it could be grief and uncertainty. It is wonderful to go after your goals, but you want to do so from a place of peace and purpose, not pressure to prove yourself and your worth or to make up for not having been able to do much until this moment. It's arguably more wonderful to give yourself time to pause and explore the emotions you've maybe been too busy to process. Beneath lack of motivation is usually fear, sadness, uncertainty, anger. The feelings could be recent or they could be resurfacing from events that happened a while ago but were never fully acknowledged, felt, and processed. The word melancholy is defined as a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause. So often, you might think feeling melancholic is a sign that something is wrong. But I want to offer that, like all emotions, it's just a feeling. It comes and goes. In fact, it's super common to experience melancholy when you are coming down from the cortisol and adrenaline high of a stressful situation, after you have been operating in overdrive for a while, if you are at a time of your monthly cycle where estrogen is low, because estrogen works closely with serotonin to affect your mood. Maybe you are in perimenopause and experiencing even more hormone disruptions, in which case your mood is a deeper indicator that your body might need more love and attention. It's also so common to feel melancholic when you've been putting your physical health on the back burner – eating a lot of junk, skipping exercise, skimping on sleep. The connection between your gut microbiome and your mental health is incredibly important. When we're stressed, we tend to neglect our physical needs, which throws your gut health all out of whack and can result in mental and emotional fatigue and distress. Now, none of the information on this podcast is ever meant to substitute for professional medical or psychiatric advice, but I want to offer that feeling melancholic isn't necessarily a sign for alarm. It could be a gentle invitation that you need to rest and reflect, to get back to the basics of good physical health and self-care, and really get to the core of whatever is behind your emotions. Melancholy could be your body's way of telling you you have drifted away from yourself and it's time to recenter. A lot of times, melancholy, kind of like a foggy cloud over your head, will just lift on its own. You will wake up one day and feel so much better. It could last a few days. It could last a couple of weeks. Whenever you're feeling melancholic, I absolutely encourage you to reach out for help, whether that's commiserating and sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or getting formal help from a coach, therapist, or doctor. Either way, getting an outside perspective is essential for pulling you out of your own head Identify if something more serious is going on and helping you feel better faster. But again, I think one of the worst things we do when we are feeling melancholic or sad or unmotivated is pile guilt and shame on ourselves by ignoring our deeper needs and telling ourselves that we should just snap out of it or get over it. Instead, we should always strive to talk to ourselves the way you would your best friend or your sister, your daughter. Like, hey girl, I see you. I know it's hard right now. I'm here for you. Take as much time as you need. Don't rush the process. Really let yourself feel what you feel. Get it all out. You are allowed to rest and recharge. You will come back all the stronger when you're ready. In full transparency, I've definitely been feeling blah and melancholic lately. I didn't make a big deal of feeling that way in August because it made sense given how much else was going on in my life, but I had really set my sights on that arbitrary September 1st date as if some magic switch was going to happen in my brain and body that would give me instant focus and clarity so I could start being super productive. Instead, I ended up spraining my ankle pretty badly and am feeling even more incapacitated at the moment. It would be easy to get down on myself or shame myself for being behind, but instead I am actively reminding myself that this is my invitation To slow down to speed up. There is no rush. Everything will come together as it's meant to. And no matter what, my worth doesn't change, no matter how much or how little I have to show for my time. I don't have to do great things to be great. And I don't have to feel great to be great. I am great and so are you. I sincerely hope that is how you already talk to yourself when you are having a hard time. But another one of the best ways to get out of a funk is to surround yourself with other women who get it. Women who are no stranger to struggle, but are determined to stay resilient and rise back up every time life tries to knock them down. Women who carve out time for themselves and their own needs because they know that being their best not only benefits them, but their whole family. They have big dreams and goals, but know conquering them isn't a simple, linear process. They anticipate hurdles and obstacles, yet make huge progress over time because they have friends to pour their heart out to and social support to help them problem solve when their own brains are clouded by doubt and discouragement. Women who are fun and motivating to be around, who radiate joy and gratitude no matter what they're going through, Women who aren't trying to be machines and perform at 100% 100% of the time, but who instead honor the gift of their femininity and the cyclical ups and downs that it comes with. Women who normalize how hard motherhood is and who don't belittle or judge your struggle, but are there to cheer you on every step of the way through it. If you don't already have a circle of women like that, you are so, so invited to join my Mom's Making Time Society. It's a monthly membership that gives you the support, resources, motivation, accountability, and community that you need to flourish as a busy mom. I intentionally organize and curate everything around the science-backed art of seasonal living to account for real fluctuations in mom's physical, mental, and emotional capacity at different times of the year. We are just shifting into what I call Strong Finish Fall, where I help you honor wherever you are and anchor back to what really matters so you can achieve amazing things by the end of the year. September's theme is all about grounded goals. October's theme is aligning your energy with your intentions. And November's theme is finishing with focus. In case it's not obvious, the whole purpose of this group is to help you honor your needs and your situation so you can go after your goals from a place of strength and sufficiency, not pressure to perform or achieve. Every month, you get a new PDF workbook with guided exercises and prompts related to that month's theme to help you recenter and either start fresh or keep up your momentum. We do monthly planning parties, and you are prompted to declare or refine your goals. Then every month, I lead a special new personal development training that gives you cutting-edge research on neuroscience, mental health, productivity, and more. You get exclusive access to our online community, which is truly one of a kind. The way these women cheer each other on and support each other is unlike anything I have ever seen. Plus, I am always on our communication platform as your coach, chiming in with encouragement and reminders and powerful mindset shifts. Then everyone's favorite part is the tracking challenge where you automatically earn gift cards simply for reporting your progress on your personal goals and habits. It's my little way of incentivizing you to make time for yourself because I know all too well how hard that is and how often you only do things when something is at stake and someone is regularly checking in on you. There is no commitment whatsoever, and we have rolling enrollment, so you are welcome to join any time that feels right to you. But if you are listening in real time, now through September 18, 2025, I am offering a special discount that is 20% off the normal price. So hurry to claim that while you can. You are so invited to come check us out and see how amazing the group is. Whether you're feeling high energy and rah-rah-rah goals or more blah and unmotivated right now, the Moms Making Time Society has resources to help and support you so you can feel better and go farther faster. Or, of course, the best support I offer is personalized one-on-one coaching, so you are always welcome to book a free call and chat more. I will put both sign-up links in the show notes and would love to connect someway, somehow. Your homework for this episode is to check in with yourself. Are you feeling energized and ready to conquer big things this fall? Or are you feeling a little down and lost, needing to give yourself permission to rest and reset? Remember, neither situation is better or worse. It is simply important to be honest with yourself so you're not pushing past your body's limits or feeling pressure to do things that aren't aligned with where you're physically and emotionally at these days. Join me back next Tuesday for another episode where we continue to unpack the root causes of stress that are keeping you stuck and overwhelmed so you can overcome them and be better equipped to deal with them in a more healthy, productive way the next time they arise. Until then, remember nothing you do changes how wonderful and worthy you are. Have a great day.