More Time for Mom

The Mental Load of Mess & DOABLE Decluttering (with Emily McDermott)

Dr. Amber Curtis Episode 30

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Physical and digital clutter isn’t just overwhelming; it’s actually stealing our time and energy while harming both our and our kids’ mental health. But even when we want to do something about it, DEcluttering feels so daunting. Get ready for a whole new understanding why!

In this powerful episode, you’ll find out what clutter really does to your brain, why it bothers women so much more than men, four reasons you struggle to declutter even if you want to, and how you can use the acronym TRANSFORM to guide you through a proven decluttering process to simplify for good! Stay tuned to the very end for the most thought-provoking idea of all regarding the high price you don’t even realize you—and your children—are paying for all the stuff you hold onto.

 

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:

  • Why stuff isn’t just “stuff” and how decluttering is like a long-term savings account that’ll pay you back in spades
  • What clutter really signals to your brain (and why that negatively affects women so much more than men)
  • Why clutter is so problematic for kids’ brain development and how you can even get your elementary-age kids to declutter with you
  • How perfectionism often makes your clutter problem worse!
  • The real HARM clutter is causing to you and your identity

 

AS MENTIONED:

Check out Emily McDermott’s Moms Overcoming Overwhelm podcast on how to lead a simpler, more minimalist life.

Grab Emily’s FREE Guide: 5 Mindset Shifts to Help You Let Go of Clutter

 

HOMEWORK:

Your homework for this episode is to set aside just 15 minutes to declutter one teeny tiny area of your home. Let me know what area that was and how it went via email or DM me on Instagram @solutionsforsimplicity. Would love to connect further! 

 

COMING UP NEXT:

Don’t miss next episode where I’m sharing my top planning tips so you can declutter your thoughts and tasks to free up more time for what matters to you.


CONNECT WITH AMBER: Website | Instagram | YouTube | LinkedIn

Ready to finally get to the root of your problems and change your life FOR GOOD? Book your free 60-minute consult to learn more about working 1:1 with Dr. Amber.

The amount of physical and digital stuff we accumulate isn't just overwhelming, it's actually stealing our time and energy and harming both our and our kids' mental health. But even when you want to do something about it, Decluttering feels so daunting. And even if you do declutter, stuff has a way of creeping back in, doesn't it? Get ready to have a whole new understanding why. In this powerful episode, you will find out what clutter really does to your brain, why it bothers us women so much more than men, four reasons people struggle to declutter even if they want to, and how you can use the acronym TRANSFORM to guide you through a proven decluttering process that will help you simplify for good. Stay tuned to the very end for the most thought-provoking idea of all regarding the high price you don't even realize you and your children are paying for all the stuff you hold on to. Welcome to More Time for Mom. where overwhelmed moms get science-backed strategies to overcome the hidden sources of stress stealing your time and joy. I'm your host, Dr. Amber Curtis. Ready to make more time for you? Let's dive in. I have no doubt that every woman listening to this podcast wrestles with clutter, and I sincerely hope you know you are not alone. It is a huge problem for our entire society. Recent statistics show that anywhere from 11 to 33 percent of American households rent a storage unit, More than 25% of households don't have room to park in their garage. And the average American throws away over 80 pounds of clothing a year. A study by the UCLA's Center on Everyday Lives and Families found that there was a 30% increase in a family's number of possessions every time a new child is added. Almost 60% of Americans report feeling overwhelmed by how much clutter they have. And then it is scientifically shown that women's cortisol levels are directly related to how much stuff we have in our homes. Now, as a data analyst, I do want to offer that that is correlation, not causation, per se. There are undoubtedly a lot of confounding factors that precede both clutter and stress. But still, clutter is bad. We know that. Today, I want to normalize why clutter gets so problematic and, much more importantly, how to actually get a handle on it. Because I know you, like me, have tried and it feels like a never-ending problem. As we just got done talking about in the prior two episodes on how to hormone hack your goals, the reality is we only ever do things for two reasons, to seek pleasure and avoid pain. So much of our pleasure-seeking and pain-avoidance tactics lead to clutter. And then decluttering feels so awful that of course your brain doesn't want to do it. Again, it's not just you. It is everybody, myself included. That's why I couldn't be more excited to bring you decluttering expert Emily McDermott, a wife, mom of two energetic boys, and coach who helps moms be intentional about what's coming into your home, let go of what is no longer serving you, and create systems to maintain a clutter-free life. She shares so many insights and actionable tips in this interview that will fundamentally change the way you approach all the stuff in your own life. Take a listen. Emily, thank you so much for being here. I am so thrilled to have you on the More Time for Mom podcast. Yes, thank you so much for having me. I love talking all things decluttering and simplifying, so I can't wait to jump in. I really want to start with understanding what some of the biggest problems you see are with women and clutter. Why is clutter such a problem for women? Well, first of all, a lot of times people think stuff is just stuff. It's just kind of extra things around your house. What a lot of people don't realize is that it actually is not neutral. It impacts us in a lot of negative ways. And I like to think about it as actually this like unwelcome roommate in our home that's stealing things from us and specifically our time, our energy, our focus and attention. And I'm sure in the work that you do and certainly in work I do, I've never met any mom that's like, I have all the time and energy to do everything that I love to do. We're always looking for that time and energy. And so I think that what we don't always recognize is that clutter is sometimes physically, but definitely emotionally and mentally, it is zapping us of this energy and also making things more difficult to do. And I think the biggest problem is that people think, okay, well, I don't have the time to declutter. I certainly am exhausted. I don't have the energy to declutter. But I think about decluttering as this like long term savings account for our time. And when you actually put a little bit in, you get this huge return on investment. So if you're able to put little bits of time in, you really get to reap the benefits down the road. And every little bit helps, which we'll talk about in a little bit. The other main thing is bringing stuff into the home. We always think for decluttering, it's like, okay, I need to know these different hacks and tips and tricks. And probably the best thing you can do is stop bringing so much into your home. Oh, I'm so guilty. Amazon's at my house almost daily. Just like the mindful consumption, which is really hard in an age where we're bombarded with messages and ads that we need more. And then also when we're stressed out, a lot of people shop when they are stressed out, and then you get stuff you don't need if there's not a home for it, then you're stressed out because it's in your home, you don't know where it goes. Okay, well, I'm stressed out, so I'm going to shop more. And then it's just this kind of vicious cycle. So I think the mindful consumption, and that's a really important piece of the decluttering puzzle that a lot of people don't think about, But it's so easy now and even our children know that if they wanted something, it could be on our doorstep today or tomorrow. And that's not something, at least for my generation, that was even fathomable. Like you had to go to the store and you had to look for it and find it and maybe you wouldn't get it. But in the age of Amazon, it's just like it can be instantly at our doorstep. And so because of that, it's really hard to regulate like what is in our home because we have so much coming in and it's hard for a lot of reasons we'll talk about to let things go. Oh, it's such a struggle. It really is. And yet, I know clutter, for me and for many of the women that I talk with, I mean, it just produces this immediate reaction. You're so stressed out just walking into a room that has the clutter, but exactly what you said then. I think the stress comes from knowing There are things to go through. There are things that you didn't have time to put away. There are things that need attention. There may be things falling through the cracks. But you don't presently have time to deal with it. And so all of that stress just escalates and you feel really just out of it, just angry even. I know I've had a lot of rage sometimes when I will be working and then I'll come downstairs and I will see that the clean kitchen suddenly has stuff everywhere. I really love a lot of the new research that has been coming out about what clutter does to our brain. And especially, I found it so enlightening to hear that clutter really negatively affects our children and their brain development as well. Are you familiar with any of those studies? Yeah, I would say the ones that I know the most about would be one that's pretty famous from 2010 where researchers in the United States went with couples around their homes. And if the women were describing their homes as disorganized or cluttered, then their cortisol stress hormone levels were higher in their saliva than women that did not think that their homes were as cluttered. And their husbands, these were heterosexual couples, the husbands did not have the same rise in cortisol levels. And which all every every, you know, mom I talked to they're like, yeah. And I will say also kind of related to that is that the brain sees clutter as undone tasks which is kind of what you were alluding to because clutter is delayed decision making. And so when we look at things, especially with the mental load that we carry, as moms, I can go into the kitchen, and I see a form that needs to be signed, I see a water bottle that needs to be put away, I see dishes in the sink, I see all these things. And then my lovely husband, he'll come in and he walks right toward the fridge and he has a snack and he walks out because he doesn't necessarily see all of those things as things that need his attention. But also the visual stimulus overwhelm can impact our focus and then also our short-term memory because if there's too many things in the visual field, the brain doesn't kind of know where to focus. Yeah, the memory is full. We don't have room to process anything else. Oh, wow. Well, I want to dive in deeper there for a minute, because I have experienced exactly what you're saying, where the clutter seems so obvious to me and yet just invisible to my husband. And that's maybe an unfair statement. He really, you know, he's doing so much. But inevitably, I know that the clutter really bothers me. Why is it that you think women are so much more attuned to clutter, affected by clutter? I think, at least in the United States or in most countries, if women are still primarily responsible for the management of the home, then they're seeing it as an extension of their responsibility. So it's hard for me. We're recording this, and this is the office where my husband works. And there's a bookshelf with trinkets and stuff all over it. And then in our bedroom, he has his half dirty, half clean clothes pile that's on the windowsill. And it drives me absolutely crazy, you know, but then I have to look at this as a shared space. And he knows that I'm affected by clutter, that as a highly sensitive person, I can't really deal with a lot in my environment, it impacts my nervous system. But I have to kind of not pick my battles, but to just ask him, like, can you explain the purpose of the half dirty, half clean clothes pile? And he's like, well, because it's not quite dirty and it's not quite clean. And, you know, maybe I'll put a hook there. I'll put a little basket for him at some point. But it's understanding that it's not there to make me mad. Like a lot of times they just have no clue that it's something that is impacting us. And I think it is because seeing the home as an extension of our responsibilities, why it might bother us, a lot of times we're in the home more. So I know as up until recently as a stay-at-home mom, I was home pretty much all day and then my husband would not be here as often. So it just wasn't affecting him as much because he wasn't surrounded by it constantly. So I think those are a couple of reasons why women are more affected than men when it comes to clutter. I'm so fascinated by this. And I agree. I just think there are so many layers. I've been racking my brain trying to think, how much of this is birth order? Because I'm your classic first child, oldest daughter. My husband is the third of four boys. We have four boys. And so I'm wondering about gender dynamics. And I think sometimes I get on this mission that I'm going to raise my boys to do it, quote unquote, right. And they need to know that things get put back where they go and you don't make a mess or all these other things. I'm like, well, but how much am I, like, yeah, like being... that helicopter parent and stealing their joy when they're just trying to play and have fun. I think the big takeaway I've come to is that so much of it rests in my brain and my response to clutter. Exactly what you said. It's so easy to go to that place thinking that they are doing this intentionally. And then my brain spirals thinking that because they made a mess and they left it out, they mean for me to be the one to take care of it. So therefore they don't respect my time and they don't appreciate me. They don't see how hard I'm working, all the other things I'm already doing. They're taking me for granted. Why am I the only one that ever cares about this stuff? And it really leads me to a very, dark place, I am ashamed to admit, but it's not helpful for building a loving, connected home. And I really have been working on my own brain. Yeah, it's pretty vicious. I did want to mention just really quick about children and how it impacts children because you brought that up. And obviously, you know more than I do as far as like the development of a child's brain that it's going until their 20s, which is fascinating. Crazy. But that especially when they're young, they're impacted so much by their senses and exploring things. They're putting things in their mouths and they're kind of touching everything. And so a lot of times if we think like, why is my kid not cleaning their room? I told them to clean their room and they're just overwhelmed by the amount of stuff. Like it's actual tactile visual stimulus overwhelm. And even if they don't have any sensory processing issues, it can still be a lot for children. And so keeping that in mind that it impacts their mental and emotional development and health also, it's where I have experimented with less for them so that they're having to not manage as much. because their capacity when they're younger is different. So we want to make sure that they're not feeling like a full time manager of stuff like we feel sometimes, because we want them to be able to have that capacity to learn and to grow and to be kids. So Having less to manage helps a ton, especially with our children, and we're better able to teach them responsibility and stewardship and all of these things we want them to start doing if there's less to manage, because otherwise they just might simply be overwhelmed. I love that, and I've definitely seen that in my own family. We have a playroom, for example, that was, at one point, very nicely organized, but then all the puzzle pieces get dumped out, all the Legos are everywhere, the toys that go with certain sets, they're all over the place. Stuff like that stresses me out so badly because I just feel in my body that things are out of place, and that things might be getting lost, and then it's just too much, and the time it's gonna take to put it all away, and then, oh, here come birthday presents, and new things, like you said, are getting brought into the house, or my kids are classic collectors of things like rocks, or balls, or it's like there's always more, and, oof, it's a pretty never-ending battle. Yeah. I want to segue briefly in this day and age of digital clutter. I definitely wrestle with this. I think there are many areas of my home where I've gotten a good handle on the physical clutter. Again, it's a battle to keep things organized when other people are involved, but for the most part, things run okay in most spaces. The digital clutter is where I am losing the battle big time. And case in point, I am so ashamed to admit this, but I had all 500 tabs open on my phone's Safari browser. And each one of those was something, quote unquote, important that I had looked at in the past and wanted to save and have referred back to at various times. But anyway, my oldest son, who just is starting seventh grade, needed to look something up on my phone this morning. And so I said, okay, here you go. And I opened the Safari browser for him, pulled up what he needed to make sure he was looking at the right site, and carried on with getting my other kids ready for school. After they went off to school, I realized that my tabs all got deleted. And I have lost all of those things that were my emotional support tabs, right? The mental battle that has been going on in my mind this morning, like the physical reaction in my body to thinking that all of that is just poof, gone. is very real and very stressful. And also there's the part of my brain, like this is what I do for a living, to coach women through emotional dysregulation. So I recognize how silly this is, but it is a very real physical and emotional reaction. So any comments or thoughts on digital clutter and how it adds to our stress or what we can do to combat it? Because I am losing that battle. You are not alone. You are not alone. That's the first thing. Best words ever. And I am similar. I mean, if it's hiding behind a laptop or something, a lot of times we're not thinking about it. I once heard organization described as being able to find what you need when you need it. And I love that kind of simple approach. And decluttering allows us to be organized to find what we need when we need it. I would say for a couple different categories, just briefly to touch on. For photos, that's a huge one that I hear about when it comes to digital clutter. One of the best tips I ever heard is from someone named Miss Freddy, and she's actually a photo organizer. And she talked about something called the daily delete. So you can go wherever you have your photo hub. And for me, I back everything up on Google Photos, but you can just search for the date. If you just do that date without a year, then all of your photos from that day from years past will show up. It's kind of a fun thing to do instead of scrolling Instagram before bed. You can see what shows up and have some memories, but then you can delete screenshots, you can delete duplicates, and it makes it a lot easier than having to just look at everything on your phone and being totally overwhelmed. So it's a fun walk down memory lane. So you get that kind of dopamine hit for doing it. And then you can actually start cleaning up some of your photos. So that's something that I've been doing, like every night before bed is just this daily delete for photos. And that has helped me tremendously with that. Otherwise, I think when it comes to more like the tabs that you're speaking of, because I first of all didn't know that 500 was the limit. For anyone who's not as crazy as me, I believe that's all that my current iPhone can handle. But I think whatever just, you know, for work, like whatever sort of task management system that you might be using in your work, having just being able to have it in a central hub, having a place that's not your phone would be probably the best thing because not only is it easier to find, But then in case something happens like what happened this morning, then you're not feeling like, oh my gosh, all of that is gone. How am I ever going to remember what I wanted to look at? So that's usually what I do. I know there's a lot of different apps that help you with that. But for me, since I'm already using, I use MeisterTask, but there's of course Asana and Trello and all these things. But I use that for work anyway, so if there are articles I want to read or I want to watch this tutorial video or something like that, I just put it as a project and then I'm able to kind of group that together. That's been the most helpful for me. So those are a couple of digital clutter categories. So, so helpful. I will be implementing all of those. I think the big lesson I'm learning is that here, like gasp, all these things are gone. And again, the emotion is real, but also like, I'm totally fine. I can't even remember 490 of those tabs. And I know just based on this experience, as an example, that all of the things we see around us, or we have thought of once, or we're saving on our phone, it still takes up space in our brain. I think that's where we don't realize the power that clutter or conversely decluttering can have over us, that we are not just losing time, but actual energy, actual life's energy and brain power. to the clutter around us, to all of these undone tasks. I mean, if that doesn't underscore how important it is to get a handle on it, I don't know what does. But on that note, even once someone has realized that they have a problem and they have a desire to declutter, Why do you think it's so hard to actually take action and do the decluttering? I love this question and there are certainly reasons that I'm given all the time. I ask the question when people join my Facebook group, what is the biggest hurdle you're experiencing? What are you experiencing with clutter? I have like 800 data points. Amazing. So I'm looking through that. I know you'd appreciate that as a scientist. I do. Data-driven. Let's hear it. I know. So there's probably four main things I hear the most. The number one is overwhelm and not knowing where to start. That's usually what people say. They just, there's so much everywhere. Where do I start? And for me, I recommend the most unsentimental, unemotional areas possible. I actually recommend your car. And that is because it's a small contained space. It's mostly trash or things that need to come back into the home, like library books or basketballs or whatever. So we're looking for that low hanging fruit where we can get those quick wins. So number one, knowing where to start. Number two is lack of time and energy to declutter. Just recognizing that it does all add up in my group. We only do 15 minute a day challenges because. I know that even if I had a weekend to declutter, I would not want to spend it decluttering because it's not actually fun. It's kind of draining. I can give you like a fun playlist or I can come hang out with you and be there with you, but it's still not fun. It's decision making and that is taxing to our brain. So I think just recognizing every little bit helps. The third are the cognitive distortions or the stories that we're telling ourselves. Examples being, I paid so much for this. I want to keep it just in case. I got it as a gift. I don't want to dishonor the memory of Aunt Sally. I have a sentimental attachment. My home needs to look a certain way to be decluttered and it doesn't look that way. So I don't even want to start because I can't have it be up to that standard. And the last one is perfectionism, which you and I are very familiar with. Guilty, yes. Which causes procrastination. So it's the all or nothing mentality. If I can't have the whole house decluttered, then I don't even know where to start or what to do. And that prevents us from taking action and we'll procrastinate because we don't have the perfect situation and the perfect environment for us to start, or so we think. because you're never going to have these long stretches of time to do this. Like I said, even if we do, we're not going to be doing that. So it's really being able to take that quick action and start with the quick wins and the low-hanging fruit, giving us the momentum to tell ourselves, oh, I can do this. Then you can eventually, not at the beginning, eventually get to the more emotional, sentimental things or the clothes that haven't fit us in 10 years, but we hold on to. All of that. We don't start with that. But eventually, we are telling ourselves and proving to ourselves with these small wins that we can reclaim our home and then we're able to handle the harder stuff. So those are the top four that I hear from women. That's so important and so enlightening. I felt immediately convicted hearing you talk about the perfectionism and then what came up for me was thinking that, again, this is my silly brain talking, but like I could make it perfect. I could declutter and still it would be messy because there are four other people, five other people in my home, right? And so why even start if it can't be how I want it 100% of the time, but goodness, that black or white, all or nothing thinking, it can just doom us. So Emily, after your years of working one-on-one with so many people and then all these women in your Facebook group, what do you think is the big catalyst to finally change and not just declutter, but actually go all in on a simpler, more minimalist lifestyle? Do you see that people actually reach that point and what does it take? Yeah, a lot of times it might be a life event. So I'm working with a client who is having her first child. And she has boxes and boxes and boxes of documents, some of which go back 1520 years or so she wants to in as much as she can be rid of this clutter and this stuff from her past when she is welcoming a baby into the world. Part of it might be moving. So I do help a lot of people that are about to move and they're supposed to be staging their homes and there's too much stuff. Or perhaps you're starting a new job and you just recognize like, oh, I'm just really not going to have the time once I start the new jobs. But that would be probably only maybe 20 to 25% of the time. A lot of times it's just people reach their limit. Yeah, you snap. You just snap. And then sometimes people will, on their own, try this, like, the rage decluttering, as my one friend says, where you have, like, the big trash bag and you're like, it's all gonna go. Like, I can't take it anymore. And it might be that it is that crazy, I got to get rid of this energy. But a lot of times they're just recognizing, and this would be the same for maybe our health or some of these other things, where it's impacting how we show up in our lives. as a woman, as a wife, as a mom, as an employee, as a business owner. And when you can't find what you need day to day, it impacts your entire day. Like if you wake up and you can't find that one thing and it snowballs into being late and then it snowballs into coming to work and you're in a bad mood and then you come home and you're still in a bad mood. it's sort of impacting your entire day just because you couldn't find what you needed in a timely manner. Or maybe a child can't find what they need in a timely manner and then it causes frustration. When it's actually impacting the day-to-day parts of your lives and your relationships, then I think that's when people are like, okay, something needs to change and I need help more so than just, okay, I'm going to read a book and try to figure it out. But they want more of that sort of systematic approach to where do I start? How do I approach it? What are the steps? And how do I move on? That's typically what I see. That's so key. I think the identity piece is so big, especially for women, because I know I don't want to ever come across as, and this is my perfectionism and all of my psychological complexes coming out, but I don't want to be seen as a disorganized person. And then I go immediately into self-coaching about how it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks and it even doesn't matter if I am disorganized. My self-worth does not rest in how organized my home is or how well anything functions. All of those things. But yet, there is such a real psychological effect of who we are and how our things and our spaces tie into that. Gosh, so many things there. The other thing that came up for me as you were speaking was a flashback to reading The Berenstain Bears and the Messy Room when I was a child. And I had forgotten about that book. But I remember loving it as a little girl and being aghast at Mama Bear who does the rage cleaning version where she comes in with that big box and throws all of the cub stuff in the box. But then it does turn into this opportunity to organize and talk about how much better everyone feels when they know where things are, when their life isn't cluttered by unimportant things that are just taking and stealing their time and their energy. So important. Emily, you work one-on-one with clients. You also offer a lot of digital resources. But what does working with you and coaching with you for organization and decluttering look like? I can give you an example from the other day. This was my first time I decluttered with a kid there, too. So I didn't know. that the nine-year-old was going to be there while we did her playroom. So that was a little bit interesting for me, but it ended up working out really well because I really had to take my system and see if it would work when someone had a child having very strong opinions about what stays, you know, and what goes. So I have an acronym, M called Transform, and that is how I approach all the spaces. We talk about the low-hanging fruit, right? So trash, that's the T, the trash, anything that is obviously trash. And usually even at that age, she was able to discern what was trash and what wasn't. I always say, you know, for your three year old, for example, I would maybe not be involving him because you have to maybe do it, as I say, under the cover of darkness at night and they probably won't notice. But that early elementary school age, you can start to involve them. The next is relocate. You're inevitably going to find things that don't belong in the space that you're in. Do not bring them to the new space. Please do not because you're going to get distracted, but you want to just have a place where you're putting the things that need to go upstairs or downstairs or to a different place and just make sure that you do that at the end. The A is anything you know you want to declutter. So your kids grew out of their snow boots, or, oh, I had been meaning to give this to my sister, but I just forgot about it. Anything where you've already sort of made that decision, or it's a really easy decision to make, and you want to go ahead and put those aside. And the N is naming what matters. So this is really kind of the crux of how we're making the decisions. And mentioning capacity again, okay, what is my capacity to be able to manage this in the space that I have, or my child to be able to manage it? What is important to me? What's important to my family? What are our values? How do I want this space to function? There's a lot of questions we can ask ourselves. then S we sort by category or subcategory. So I was sorting the playroom by stuffies and art supplies and dress-up clothes and you will see the categories come up. Make sure that the organization system makes sense for your brain or whoever is going to be using the space because we all kind of think differently. And then you're going to fill whatever designated boundary you have found that you want to use using a fun game I call Love Like, Maybe No. So you start with what you love and what you like and as the boundary gets full, then you're having to make some of those decisions for the maybes and then for the no, that's trash or donate. The you is using, oh rather, using an out of sight, out of mind bin. Now this is not a maybe pile, people. Now this is really important. Maybe pile doesn't have a deadline on it, okay? An out of sight, out of mind bin does. We're gonna put a reminder on our phone that we're gonna look at it again in 60 days or something. If your child's asking for the random puzzle, you can get it out of there. But otherwise, consider donating whatever you don't use in that time period. And then R is reflecting on what matters most. So sometimes you have kind of those harder things. Oh, I paid so much money for this. Oh, you know, I might, I might have another baby, I might have another baby, I might use this someday. And just really having and this is where it's helpful to have a neutral third party there to be able to very graciously, but being like, okay, is that really what's happening? Or do you think you could let this go? Could you reacquire it if you needed to? And then M is maintain with the tidying habits and just being able to have a system going forward. So that's the exact process that I would use if I were with you side by side doing this in your home. I love that so much. And I had never considered all of those steps, but I love how you put them together in that order because you can see the sequence and how each preceding step is necessary in order to get the full effect by the end. I was also thinking that the naming what's important step is so helpful because we're so busy in our daily lives. I mean, I'm always asking my clients about this as well. Stepping back to pinpoint your real underlying priorities and values is not something we've probably done in a while and all of that changes in different seasons of life. So much of my clutter comes from things I acquired in past versions of myself, right? Prior seasons of life that really don't have a function for me now but still have that memory attached or maybe I wanted to be the kind of person that did this thing. And having a third party who is an expert in this as you are, wow, having you there to just be able to get all of that out, right? So much of what women want is just to be seen and heard and to be able to express their emotions Even if the end result is still acknowledging that this isn't important, I don't need this moving forward, but I got to express that to you and you could help talk me down off the proverbial ledge and help me see the brighter future ahead. Wow. Priceless. We do challenges in the Facebook group for anyone that's not in the Northern Virginia area. And being able to talk through some of these things is really helpful because sometimes you just need someone to ask some questions. And a lot of times we don't know what questions to ask ourselves. Just being able to ask some of these pointed questions, and then I can still give people that extra motivation and boost, even if I'm not with them side by side. just knowing you're not the only one, you're not alone, and someone is there to hold your hand and guide you through it. Amazing. Wow. So if you had to boil all of your mindset advice, all of your strategic advice, all of that down into just one or two takeaways, What do you really want women to know about a simpler life and the importance of decluttering? Like, what would you recommend they do, mindset-wise and or strategically, to really start changing their life? I think on the mindset piece, there have been some studies done that say the average American home has 300,000 items. I like to say that even if each of those items were worth a dollar or two dollars or more, you, mom, are still worth more than all of those things. So recognizing we were never designed to have our purpose be full-time stuff managers. That's not what we're on this earth to do. You have dreams, you have goals, you have a family, you have things you want to pursue, and the clutter is literally blocking you from being able to be able to reach those goals and the aspirations that you have for yourself. A lot of it is the stuff itself is just a thing, right? But we attach the stories to it, which makes it harder to let go. So if we're able to challenge those stories, then we're able to loosen our grip because I always say you can't receive what God or the universe has for you if you're holding on to your stuff and clutching to it. So that's mindset. Tactical, we talked about those artificial boundaries. A lot of us have the ability, if we wanted to, to have every square inch in our home filled with stuff. But that doesn't mean that it makes sense for us to do that. We have to think about our seasonality of life. We have to think about our capacity. We have to think about our values. So being able to figure out what artificial boundary makes sense based upon the value to you. So if you are a huge reader, reading is an important value, maybe you're going to have several bookshelves worth of books. For me, I'm fine just getting books from the library or getting them on my phone. I have maybe one or two physical books in my home. So it's a difference because for me it's not important that I spend my space real estate on that. I would rather manage other things and it's different for each person. But being able to have an artificial boundary saying the books that I own are going to be on this bookshelf, they're not going to be on the floor, They're not going to be stuffed on my nightstand. This is the boundary I have created. This is what I can manage. And this is when I get a new book, one in one out, I'm going to actually live within that boundary. And that's an important lesson for us to teach our children too. They can't just have unlimited space to have all of their stuff all over the place. There needs to be a boundary based upon what we can manage and take care of. So those would be the mindset and then the tactical things that I would want people to remember. So powerful. Wow. I'm just mulling over all of the many gems you have shared with us. I think what really stands out for me is the price. We don't even realize we are paying or that our children are paying for all of the stuff. Even when we're aware that we are paying a price, I don't think we realize how big a price it is until we go through it and it's no longer there. So you have really motivated me to make some big changes. We moved a year ago, and that was, like you were saying, a life event that enforced a pretty arbitrary but necessary reevaluation of what we needed or wanted. I'm just appalled at how much we have then reacquired since we've been here over the last year. So it's time to go through things again. You're making me really excited to do that. Thank you. Yeah, of course. I always love motivating however I can. So Emily, you have several resources and I will include the link to your resources page in the description. Is there one in particular that you would recommend my audience start with to kickstart their decluttering journey? I think the five mindset shifts to help you let go of clutter is probably the best one. Some of the things that we've talked about already as far as like needing it just in case or what I've paid for it, some of the stories that we tell ourselves, it's just a helpful little workbook that's going to help you work through some of these things and then hopefully will help you loosen your grip on some of your items. So that would be my recommended place to start. Amazing. Thank you so much. And then where can people find you? My podcast is Moms Overcoming Overwhelm. There is always a link in the show notes there for the free Facebook group where we do decluttering challenges every other week. And then I give away coffee gift cards or free coaching when people are consistent and able to do that 15 minutes a day for the challenge. I would love to have people listen to the podcast and maybe come join the Facebook group. So great. I will include all of those links in the description. Thank you so much for your generous time and all of your wisdom. So needed. Thank you so much for having me. After hearing all that, I hope you are as motivated as I am to finally reassess the stuff in your life so you can stop feeling so overwhelmed and really receive more of the gifts God has waiting for you. I am so inspired by Emily's wisdom. All her links are in the show notes, so definitely check those out. Your homework for today is to set aside just 15 minutes to declutter one teeny tiny area of your home. As Emily underscored, working in small chunks is key because decluttering is so emotionally taxing and you want those quick wins to get the dopamine hit of seeing the tangible fruits of your labor. Send me an email or a DM on Instagram and let me know what area of your home you decided to declutter and how it went. Now, while we typically think of clutter in terms of our physical or digital things, I have found your mind and your to-do list get super cluttered as well. It's a big chicken and egg problem. How do you make the time to declutter when you have so much else to do? But then how do you get things done when you're overwhelmed by your cluttered environment, right? There is no right or wrong order, but I have found it essential to first declutter your thoughts and your tasks so you have the mental space and energy to then tackle the actual stuff. Towards that end, don't miss next episode where I am sharing my top planning tips so you can free up more time for everything you have and want to do. Until then, remember nothing you do changes how wonderful and worthy you are. Have a great day. I know more than anyone how precious your time is. So the fact that you spent it listening to this podcast means the world. Make sure to subscribe. And if you got value out of this show, I would be so honored if you'd leave a review and share this episode with another busy mama who needs to hear it. We've got this.