Are you a worn-out mom who used to be the star of the office, spend 45 minutes doing your hair and makeup, and take romantic getaways before you had kids…but now you’re constantly behind and out of PTO at work, there are three days’ worth of dishes piled in the sink, the kids scream when tablet time is over, and you’re so touched out by 8pm that you scroll Instagram instead of spending time with your husband?
Welcome to the club. If you’re paralyzed by what to do first whenever you miraculously find 15 free minutes and fall asleep in tears because you’ve always tried to do everything right but now it feels so wrong, you are NOT alone. I went crazy trying to “balance” it all and believing other experts who tell you to just wake up earlier or manage your time better. Turns out you’re not the problem; toxic productivity culture has led you to equate your self-worth with what you have to show for your time.
I’ve spent years applying my PhD research skills to find scientifically provenstrategies for keeping up without burning out—then tailoring them for busy mamas whose hands, hearts, and schedules are fuller than they ever imagined. Now I’ve helped dozens of other women discover the hidden causes behind your stress so you can reclaim your time, restore your energy, rediscover your identity, and look back in 20 years with pride instead of regret.
Join me, Dr. Amber Curtis—certified life coach, behavioral science professor, public speaker, devoted wife, and mom of four—every Tuesday for real, raw stories and actionable advice on productivity, organization, time management, and that elusive thing we call work-life “balance” so you can be the happy, present wife and mom you dream of without sacrificing the talents you’re meant to share with the world.
Ready to make more time for YOU? Hit play and make sure to tune in for new episodes every Tuesday.
It's time to take back your life for who and what you love. You’ll soon realize “time” was never the problem after all.
Christmas is supposed to feel magical… so why are so many moms disappointed once it finally arrives?If you find yourself feeling let down, overstimulated, exhausted, or even sad on/after Christmas, you didn’t do anything wrong. Your brain did exactly what it’s wired to do.
In this episode, I unpack the dopamine trap of Christmas—a powerful neuroscientific reality for why the anticipation of the holidays feels better than the holiday itself, especially for moms.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:
Why moms are likely to feel more joy leading up to Christmas than during it
The neuroscience of dopamine, anticipation, and emotional letdown
Why feeling underwhelmed after Christmas does NOT mean you did anything “wrong”
What to do when the holiday high fades and reality hits hard
How all this is happening for your sweet kids as well (cue the meltdowns!)
FOR SO MUCH MORE:
When you start healing at the level of your nervous system, your whole home feels the difference. Sign up for a free consult (https://tidycal.com/solutionsforsimplicity/free-consult) and/or join my new 6-week program, Moms Made NewTM (https://momsmadenew.com), to learn the six most fundamental life coaching skills EVERY mom needs to flourish.
HOMEWORK:
Did this episode resonate? Email me or DM me on Instagram @solutionsforsimplicity to share your thoughts.
COMING UP NEXT:
Join me back next Tuesday at 5am Eastern to keep unpacking the hidden causes of stress keeping you overwhelmed and stealing your time and joy.
Ready to finally get to the root of your problems and change your life FOR GOOD? Book your free 60-minute consult to learn more about working 1:1 with Dr. Amber.
You are not alone in this. You didn't do anything wrong. We just need you to understand your brain and then have tools to counteract these natural tendencies so that you have more realistic expectations and you really understand what is happening under the hood when you do have a hard time. Welcome to More Time for Mom. where overwhelmed moms get science-backed strategies to overcome the hidden sources of stress stealing your time and joy. I'm your host, Dr. Amber Curtis. Ready to make more time for you? Let's dive in. It is three days before Christmas and I had other plans for what I wanted to record and talk to you about today. But it feels like a really important time to address a huge misconception and a huge pain point that every mom is likely to experience on Christmas morning. In the coming weeks, I will come back to what I originally intended to talk about, which is eldest daughter syndrome and all the great things that go along with that. Today, I really want to set the record straight. What I am about to share with you is something I just wish someone had told me years ago. It would have spared me so much heartache and disappointment. If you are the magic maker in your household, the one who is running around trying to get all the pieces together for the most perfect Christmas ever, it is so important that you pop in your earbuds and listen to this episode. As you are listening, you are probably scrambling to meal prep, Scrambling to get the house clean, scrambling to buy last minute presents and wrap them. You are so filled with determination to make everyone else's Christmas magical. I love that. I want to honor you for that. We moms are so incredible because we are the magic of the holidays. Of course, we know that Jesus is the real reason for the season, but so much of Christmas, so much of normal life, just day-to-day mom life wouldn't be what it is without you and without all that you do for your family. At the same time, holidays, especially Christmas, are basically rigged. I am so not trying to burst your bubble, but what I'm going to share with you I have learned both the hard way through many, quote unquote, failed Christmases where things didn't go anywhere near planned, and then also from all these years of academic research I have done into how the brain and body work, specifically the hormones that drive your emotions and your day-to-day experiences. I hope your Christmas is wonderful. Perfect. But don't be surprised. Don't feel that anything has gone wrong if the actual day feels less than you imagined. Even bad. This is totally normal from a neuroscience perspective. It's so important to understand the hormones that govern your daily experience. Right now, you are amped up on adrenaline, pushing hard to get it all done. No doubt you're also, like me, flooded with cortisol, stressing to get everything just right. And then beneath all that are the sparkles of excitement and hope that even if you have to run yourself ragged to get there, Christmas is all going to feel worth it. Those good thoughts are literally making dopamine, which is that pleasure hormone, the feel good hormone that makes you light and happy, but craving more and more. Unless you have binged every episode of this podcast, you probably didn't know that your brain actually gets twice as much dopamine from anticipation than it does from the actual thing, whatever the thing is. You imagine your kids jumping with joy when they open their presents. You imagine your in-laws praising your cooking. You dream of your husband getting you the thing you've been dreaming of all year long. You picture everyone cozied up by the fire, getting along, having the best day, making memories they will treasure forever. I so pray that that is how your Christmas actually unfolds. But whether it is or not, know two things. Number one, emotional pain comes from a gap between what you expect and what is. Between what you expect and what is. Maybe better to keep expectations low and then be pleasantly surprised than to plan on perfection and feel that much more wrecked when things don't unfold exactly as you had hoped. Then number two, You can choose to feel amazing no matter how Christmas looks and feels on the outside. Yes, you have the ability to intentionally create whatever feelings you want. And you can start doing this now. You can close your eyes and really practice feeling the positive vibes that you desire. If you don't know how to do this, we should talk because it is one of the most amazing skills that I teach my clients and it is so possible. It's so powerful. It's not as simple as just thinking good thoughts. It goes so much deeper than that. It really all comes down to your nervous system. And there is a very high chance that your nervous system, like mine, like all my clients, Like the overwhelming majority of women out there is pre-wired to perceive threat, not prioritize feeling good to the point that maybe even feeling good makes you feel unsafe or like something is wrong or you're filled with foreboding joy afraid that it's not going to last and then you're trying to hold on to it that much more or prevent being disappointed. The whole point is again to know that if you feel discouraged on Christmas Day. If you feel let down, if you get angry, and why wouldn't you? Because you are likely going to be tired and, you know, the kids might be amped up on sugar and everyone's gonna be feeling the frenetic effects. It's just likely to be a lot. even if that does include very good things. If you feel negative things, it doesn't mean that you did anything wrong. It just means that you got the pleasure of the holiday ahead of time when you were anticipating it, right? That in a literal sense, the amount of dopamine that you got was greater leading up to Christmas than you likely got the day of. That's not a problem. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. It's simply how your brain and body are wired. So the more you know, the better you do. I am so here to support you and I will of course fill you in on how my Christmas goes. As mentioned, I've had quite a few Christmases where I set my expectations unrealistically high and then cried and was so disappointed because Christmas felt like a failure. I was also just talking with a mom in my DMs on Instagram a few days ago where she was confessing that she feels like she's failing at Christmas because she has two young kids and she's struggling so hard to be present with them. while get everything ready for Christmas. That's what we moms do, isn't it? We just always find a reason why we're not good enough. We berate ourselves because we aren't present enough or we didn't get it all done or we don't think the kids had the best time. We just have a sense of what we think the right way is anytime we fall short of that. We blame ourselves, we feel guilty, and then those bad feelings feel so bad to hold in our body that we naturally look to coping mechanisms, whether it's binge drinking, turning to chocolate, food, shopping, you name it. If you have not yet taken anything else away from my podcast, let it be this. all human behavior is completely rational when you understand how your brain and body work. And you realize that your brain is always just trying to keep you safe, avoid pain, seek pleasure, conserve energy, make sure you are safe, you are connected, you are enough. And when it perceives a threat, It throws you into this automatic stress response that leads you to then overreact and over respond in ways that just perpetuate the stress. It's your brain's way of trying to fix things, but it really just makes things so much harder than they need to be. You are not alone in this. You didn't do anything wrong. We just need you to understand your brain and then have tools to counteract these natural tendencies so that you have more realistic expectations and you really understand what is happening under the hood when you do have a hard time. If you are a longtime listener, you know that I always give you a homework assignment at the end of every episode. I'm a university professor by day, and I don't love homework, right? Who does? But I find it so useful for integrating the information that you theoretically learned during this quote unquote lecture or podcast episode. It's the holidays. You're on break. Your kids are on break. You are going a mile a minute. I want you to be able to check out truly relax and really focus on the reason for the season. So no homework this episode. I just encourage you to reach out if I can be of any help, and then keep coming back every Tuesday, 5 a.m. Eastern for all new episodes, pulling back the hood on why moms get so stressed out and what is really going on beneath the surface to perpetuate your struggle and steal your time and joy. We want to fix all of that, and that is definitely my mission. Not just to help you, but to truly help your entire family. Alright, Merry Merry Christmas, have such a good one, let me know how it goes, and I'll see you back next episode. Until then, remember nothing you do changes how wonderful and worthy you are. Have a great day. I know more than anyone how precious your time is, so the fact that you spent it listening to this podcast means the world. Make sure to subscribe, and if you got value out of this show, I would be so honored if you'd leave a review and share this episode with another busy mama who needs to hear it. We've got this.
