Spoonful of Polyamory Podcast

Ep. 1 Welcome to the table | Spoonful of Polyamory Podcast

• Itsthemazoku and AsaniDragonscale • Season 1 • Episode 1

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Goro and Asani share their journeys into polyamory and how they built a successful kitchen table poly relationship based on communication, mutual growth, and creating safe spaces for partners. Through sharing personal experiences from past relationships and current practices, they demonstrate how healthy polyamory functions when partners prioritize honest communication and emotional support.

• Introduction to Spoonful Poly and kitchen table polyamory approach
• Goro's path to polyamory through previous relationships
• Asani's experiences with polyamory, including previous challenging relationships
• How they met and eventually formed their relationship
• Their communication methods and how they handle disagreements without arguing
• The importance of creating safe spaces for partners and metamours
• Discussing compersion - feeling joy when your partner connects with others
• Future plans to build a polycule with emphasis on family-style connections

Join us for future episodes where we'll dive deeper into polyamory topics, including needs, wants, and requirements in relationships, and feature guests sharing their own poly experiences.


🍽️ Welcome to the Spoonful of Polyamory Podcast 🥄❤️
Hosted by ItsTheMazoku and AsaniDragonscale, this show is your cozy seat at the kitchen table where we serve up real talk about polyamory, relationships, communication, and connection. Whether you're polyam-curious, seasoned in ethical non-monogamy, or just love good conversation—there’s a spoonful here for everyone.

We break down terms, explore real-life scenarios, and create a safe, affirming space to learn and laugh along the way.

🫖 Pull up a chair. Pour some tea. Let’s talk polyamory—together.

Speaker 1:

so this is finally happening. Um hello everybody, welcome to our podcast. I am goro masaku.

Speaker 2:

I'm Hasani Jogginscale.

Speaker 1:

And we're polyamorous and we're going to give you guys a little bit of a tidbit about us. Welcome to our podcast. It's called Spoonful Poly. The whole purpose behind this is that we are both two people who do kitchen table poly and we want to give you a spoonful of information so that we are always full and knowledgeable about polyamory. But before we can actually go into some genuine topics, uh, we would kind of like to introduce ourselves and who we are.

Speaker 2:

so let's get down to it so um, I kind of want to do a disclaimer first, okay go ahead um ahead. We are not professional counselors or anything for anyone. We're just here to give our opinion. We're just here to explain how we live the lifestyle. We do not count for everyone who is in the poly lifestyle.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. Each relationship is something completely different from one another, so just take it with a grain of salt yeah, this is more of a perspective of our relationship and like we as individuals who've been, you know, poly for like what together? Like three years uh, we've been together almost four years almost four, yeah, but like we've kind of adapted and modified our relationship in time right so we, we've encountered a lot of things.

Speaker 1:

We've encountered our ups and downs in polyamory, um, whether, if it was bad breakups, um, people trying to steal us from each other a little bit of everything. When it comes to those experiences, and in time, we've, I guess, created a relationship of which any polyamorous relationship should have. This is, you know, understanding and, uh, communication. Communication is very strong for our relationship, any relationship. Well, I mean what I'm saying. We, our core, like our core thing, is communication we don't do anything without talking about it.

Speaker 1:

You know not saying that any other polyamorous group doesn't. But like, that's our strong, strong suit. So what better way to communicate by doing a fucking podcast? Yay, so um, we don't want our rock paper scissors on who goes first okay, alright on the shoot rock paper scissors.

Speaker 2:

Shoot rock paper scissors, shoot rock paper scissors shoot, alright rock. So uh, I guess I'll go first hey look, it's the first time you've won in a while fuck you and it's on something that really doesn't fucking matter as much like fucking um podcast.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, um, so yes, I am uh Goro Mazuku or.

Speaker 1:

Masakuguru uh, depending on if you use the Japanese way of reading it backwards, but um, so a little bit about me. I'm 32 and, uh, I am from north carolina. I um moved up here to florida around when I was fourth, in the fourth grade, but moved back to north carolina, finished high school, then literally the next day I moved back to north carolina, finished high school, then literally the next day I moved back to florida. Uh, during my time here in florida I've had my ups and downs any floridian can say, fucking, it sucks or it could be awesome.

Speaker 1:

but uh, around 2018, I just got out of relationship and from that relationship I was introduced to pa, to polyamory, and I had met a person. I'm not going to say their name, I'm just going to say E for short, just because if they know who they are, if they're watching this, they know exactly what I'm talking about. So, e, I was introduced to them and, uh, and they told me they were polyamorous and I was like what does?

Speaker 1:

that mean and of expressed what it was and I was like wow that's fucking dope, and what's interesting about it is I kind of felt that way in my previous relationship when I was monogamous and, um, I kind of always had those moments of like man. You know, I have certain friends that I have strong feelings for, and it's not just on a friendship level, like I actually love you, like I don't have to do anything physical with you, but I fucking love you, you know, and to some people it could be weird to say that, because then I mean, I do have moments of looking. I'm like, damn, they are hot as fuck too. I would do that, but I never, obviously can I?

Speaker 2:

can I interject for just a moment? Um? I think the saying I love you is more socially accepted from female presenting people.

Speaker 1:

It is.

Speaker 2:

Like I don't feel like there's anything wrong with saying I love you to your friends just because you love them as a friend. There's literally nothing wrong with that, but female presenting people do it a hell of a lot more than male presenting people.

Speaker 1:

Exactly. I mean not to say that it's like an masculine thing, but like for a guy to tell their female presenting person like hey, I fucking love you. And it can kind of be like seen as something else and I feel like the same thing applies for like somebody female presented to a male person.

Speaker 1:

But I think what us as males, when we have well, male presenting people, when it happens, uh, we're like, oh shit, what, that's weird, but it could be a masculine thing or whatever it may be, but that's the point, get back into it, um.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, they were our first introduction to polyamory and they had, I want to say it was like six to seven partners. So they had me, which I was technically their nesting partner. They had a couple. They were dating a person I think that was either in North Carolina or South Carolina, I can't remember and a person in Norway. And then there was one other person. I never got to meet them. I may have heard about them, but since I was so new I just didn't know where to go with it. So first introduction to it and we dated almost a year, I believe, until we had a miscommunication. And weirdly enough, during that time I met you, but like we weren't like talking on that level, we were no, we weren't yeah, we.

Speaker 2:

We met each other because of your previous partner yeah, he had tried to get you to set up an event with me yes and that he he ended up getting jealous because I was talking to you so much because I do massage therapy.

Speaker 1:

So he, he wanted to set up for me to do like a massage and help them, and then they're stressing their back and stuff like that.

Speaker 1:

So, um, I agreed and then around that time they were like, hey, well, before I have this person, you know, touch me and you know give me a massage, can I at least speak to the guy? He was like, yeah, because they were also polyamorous, so it's, it should have been an issue, um, but to kind of go into finalizing where I left, before I met you, um, me and this person had a miscommunication when, uh, a person they were dating violated their consent and, as their nesting partner, I felt like it was very important that you know they would tell me, because one of my biggest things in my relationship is that, uh, communication is very important. If you are not talking to me about shit, we have a problem, or at least uh communication once a day, and communication went scarce for three days and to me at that point I felt like we were no longer dating because one. You're now holding information from me because you know I would fuck that person up and then two my number one rule is at least minimum communication once a day.

Speaker 1:

So now that's gone. Obviously this is not a relationship, so I moved on and kind of stopping there to give asani the opportunity to, so we can kind of match.

Speaker 2:

So I am now at that point of my, my backstory is a little longer than yours. Okay, that's cool if you want to finish first and then we can jump back into my side.

Speaker 1:

No, no, no, I mean that's perfect. I didn't go into super, super detail like all the adventures and stuff I did. I just hey, I came to florida, I got out of relationship, I met this person, I got into polyamory. This didn't work out and I met you. So you can kind of either do the same. I just kind of summarized it as much as possible okay, so my my poly experience.

Speaker 2:

I became interested in poly and the lifestyle that we lead through Wattpad, which is a reading app. Amateur people or amateur writers will go ahead and write stories on Wattpad. They don't have to pay publishers to publish it. They don't have to pay for advertising or anything. You just add whatever tags that you need on there, uh, that pertain to your story, and then people can go on there and look for those tags and then read what you wrote, okay, but you still got to introduce yourself as, like, I'm from such and such and your age and shit so are you gonna crop this out?

Speaker 1:

no, I can keep it in okay, um, so I'm currently 27.

Speaker 2:

I uh moved down here from germany when I was 15, um, and I'd moved to germany from kansas when I was four. So that that's that's where my life story goes through. I moved down to Florida when I was 15. I was reading a whole bunch of stuff on Wattpad and getting into multiple partners and stuff like that. My first two experiences with poly were crap. They were shit. And my third one wasn't much better, I don't know. So this is my fourth experience with poly. Like this is my fourth relationship in which I am actively polyamorous with someone.

Speaker 1:

So my first poly I didn't fucking know that. That's dead ass, that's wild. I didn't know that.

Speaker 2:

So my first polyamorous relationship, I didn't realize it was actually poly. So the guy that I was dating, I was dating long distance and he lived in Minnesota, so we had a time difference and then we had the distance between us, so I would go to school, I would come home and we would talk and interact and and do what you do in a long distance relationship. So that ended when I realized that he was really freaking creepy because he kept getting younger girls than me involved and he was 24, 22, something like that. But that lasted like two or three years, during which I did actively date other people that were in my area. Make sure you stay close Okay.

Speaker 1:

You might like super close, but just make sure.

Speaker 2:

Right, no. Okay, you might like super cool, right? No? So then, my second uh relationship was a high school relationship, after I had broken up with the first guy because I just wasn't down with what he was doing anymore. Um, and then that ended almost three years later. I had already graduated when we started dating, and he had decided that he wanted us to have an open relationship, which I was fine with, and we did end up having a girlfriend that we had together. We had two of them, not at the same time, though and then that relationship ended when we were living together and he took off with our girlfriend to another state that's that motherfucker.

Speaker 1:

I was like who the?

Speaker 2:

fuck is this person? You know, yeah, no, that's him, that's him. And then, because I was a stupid 22 year old and rebounding, I ended up with my previous partner before you, which that was a shit show too. So he was extremely jealous. He did not, um, really, he would say he was okay with us dating other people, and then he would get really jealous and mad when we would. So he had one other partner that lived with us and that that ended in total disaster after he introduced you to me and can?

Speaker 1:

we can kind of talk about how we well, we talked about how we met each other, but like uh, literally in the sequence of we went to um dinner went to dinner with some friends and you know he knew me from the event and stuff like that was like, hey yo, would you, would you be cool with doing this? And I'm like, yeah, I could totally do that, no problem. And then we kind of go into the scenario of now I guess you could say two hurt individuals finally meeting and stuff like that.

Speaker 2:

We were both very neglected in our relationships at the time and we didn't realize it until after those relationships had ended.

Speaker 1:

See, I won't say that too much, I would say with E's situation. It wasn't. It wasn't neglect, it was more of. I mean, there were some other things that were going on that I'm not going to specify. Let's just say a lot of, um, so-called rip condoms, and to me that just kind of felt fugazi, uh, because I mean I understand mistakes happen, but like in a row, like the fuck, um so um. There were a lot of things, but I just I feel like the nail in the coffin was that, like I don't care if it could have been, like we were perfect together.

Speaker 1:

The minimum one day. Communication is required for me. I will not accept anything, but because I I'm very much of a person that needs to make sure that you are okay. If you are not in my facility on a regular, I am very much the person that makes sure whoever I'm with, I need to make sure you're secure, I need to make sure you're safe and I feel like not saying that you, you need me to feel safe, but from my brain to know that you're safe at least some kind of form of communication you know did.

Speaker 2:

Did you mean facility or vicinity?

Speaker 1:

vicinity, excuse me, vicinity. Thank you for fucking I'm secret always helps me. Beeping that out, beeping that out uh asani always helps me with that shit. Um with my words, because sometimes I just mean something else that I don't mean, just just so people are aware I'm not doing this to make him look stupid or to make him feel bad about the way he talks.

Speaker 2:

I'm doing this because he has dyslexia and flips his words constantly. I do.

Speaker 1:

I do have dyslexia, so um, but um, besides the point, yeah, with the situation with e, it was just literally a miscommunication. So, literally around this time I was moving from an apartment to another apartment and I really, before the the scenario happened between me and them not communicating. They were supposed they were going to help me with my move and I was really frustrated already having back and forth with the roommate I had previously literally booting out, booting me out beforehand because he wasn't really cool with a friend at the time hanging out with me frequently there. So I was really fucked. I didn't have money for movers, I had to do everything myself. So, um, this is when asani texted me and with you texting me, you had your own scenario that happened right.

Speaker 2:

So this was kind of like fate going okay, fuck off from the people you're you're dealing with right now and and go do stuff with this guy. So what had happened was my um, my partner had already broken up with me at that point. He had cut things off and we were still living together can you specify why I broke up?

Speaker 2:

uh, he, we. So the first thing he told me was that he couldn't handle my mental health issues. Um, and then the second thing he told me was that our other partner had expressed discomfort with me being an active partner anymore. Um, and then after that he had expressed that his new partner, who was it was very, very fresh new relationship energy, and he was doing everything he could to please this person. She had told him he wasn't comfortable, or she wasn't comfortable with me being the way I am, and had told him to break up with me. So that's the three different stories I was told.

Speaker 1:

No, they were engaged.

Speaker 2:

We were engaged, we were engaged, and then he broke off the engagement after he met this new person.

Speaker 1:

Come to find out. He just went to Walmart and just picked a ring.

Speaker 2:

It was literally a $55 ring. I saw the ring at Walmart and I saw the price tag and I was like okay.

Speaker 1:

And I'm not a materialistic person.

Speaker 2:

I don't care if the ring is $5, if it meant something when you gave it to me, five dollars, if it meant something when you gave it to me. But looking back at our relationship, I honestly think he was just doing these things to ensure that he had an extra source of income in the household and some place to live, because he was living with me and my parents before we moved into our own place yeah, I feel like that was the thing.

Speaker 1:

It's just more so like there wasn't any sentimental value like of let me get this, uh, and get it some way symbolizing you and let me make sure I get the cut that you want, like just something. It just felt like he was like this will do and you know, like that's kind of how that felt he.

Speaker 2:

He proposed on christmas in front of my parents and hadn't asked my parents beforehand.

Speaker 1:

See, and I made sure, once you told me all that shit, I was like man.

Speaker 2:

I got to do this the right way.

Speaker 1:

I got to do this the right way it helps that my parents, fricking, love you Really.

Speaker 2:

Yes, they do they. They literally. They looked at me and they went.

Speaker 1:

If you hadn't said yes to him we literally they looked at me and they went. If you hadn't said yes to him, we would have beat you. Damn, bro, like for real, like honestly, that makes me want to cry, like low-key, like wow, wow, all right, um, that's really good, that's really good I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry no, you're good.

Speaker 1:

Um, I didn't know that, but I'm good, I really didn't know that. No, Like one of those things, I know my mom loves you and I'm not saying I don't like, I totally appreciate your parents, I love your parents. It's just I know I never, like I guess, got to hear on their side like how they felt so.

Speaker 2:

to hear that it's like wow wow, my parents aren't very open with the way they feel yeah, no, I know that from how they even interact with each other.

Speaker 1:

It's just, I just didn't know that. Um, so now, yeah, anyway, wow, um, getting back to it, was that, uh, you had that moment when you came home and the thing happened.

Speaker 2:

Right, I came home and I at the time my dog had had a litter of puppies that I was touting back and forth with me to work, keep in mind. I was four minutes away from my job, so I was dragging my dogs back and forth with me um, because I didn't want to leave them at home with him and my other ex-partner because they had made several complaints about my dogs, even though they had their own dog and their own dog got to free roam the house. Mine did not. Mine were in a crate in my room when I was not home and they decided that it wasn't good enough, so they would complain about it. Wasn't good enough, so they would complain about it.

Speaker 2:

Aside from that, I had gotten home, I was taking my the mama dog inside and he and his new partner were naked on the living room floor. And my dog I didn't know she was there and he'd asked me to text him or call him before I came home to let him know I was on my way, which I did, just as a general good roommate thing. I was like hey, I'm coming home. I don't know what you're doing, but this is your warning. Four minutes later, I'm at the front door, open the door, my dog goes nuts because she's never met this person before and she didn't like this lady to begin with. She literally did not like her. She would growl every time she came over. It was a whole thing.

Speaker 1:

I remember her and I remember I didn't like her, so Right, and I'm a dog, ass motherfucker.

Speaker 2:

Well, she was really she had. I'm not going to say anything because I don't want anyone, but I didn't like her.

Speaker 2:

So my dog went nuts and lunged at her. She didn't bite her, she didn't get in her face or anything. She lunged at her because it's a stranger in her home, which is understandable. So my ex jumps up, yells at me. I put my dog in my room, I put my puppies in my room, I put my puppies in my room, and then I take off and I go cry in the pet supermark parking lot because I didn't know where else to go, because I didn't want to face my mom at that time because she was just gonna be like oh well, I'm sorry, which I get it. My mom doesn't always do a whole lot of the the mushy feelings thing, um, but I didn't want to deal with that at the time well at the same time she didn't like that motherfucker.

Speaker 1:

So if you had to tell right hey, this is what happened, we had an argument or whatever, and I'm, I'm gone, like to be like, well, you know, and the way your mommy's like well, you know I would never dated him, but you know I I love you.

Speaker 1:

It is funny. This is so fucking funny because with my previous relationship and I was getting ready to propose to her, I remember telling my mom like hey, this is what's gonna happen, like I'm gonna do it. Like what are you thinking? She was just like I mean I wouldn't do it, but like you know, it's, it's you, I'm gonna support you. Uh, I just don't like her. And I was like damn, like wow, like mom, like I'm, I'm telling you this thing that's really important to me. Like I'm thinking about proposing to this girl and you don't have an opinion. I don't like her, but you know she makes you happy and I'm like damn.

Speaker 1:

So I remember I sat there and literally that was the decision that made me break up with her, finally granted like, and again, not to say she was a bad person, it was just, it was a level of two individuals who didn't know how to express what they needed. And um, and then, literally, when the breakup happened, we both expressed like at that point why we were in turmoil in our relationship. So whenever I finally was like, hey, I'm done. And then she was like, wow, you told my mom I was, you was gonna propose to me, like what the fuck happened? It's like you know what I felt like I was doing it out of duty because of how our relationship progressed. I didn't feel like I was doing it because I loved you. I feel like I I should make an honest woman out of you because of how our relationship progressed.

Speaker 1:

And I know for some people, like I said, that's a really wild way to do that, but like I was a wild kid in my 20s, bro, and for her to like basically like boom, you got to grow the fuck up, you got to fix these things. And not saying that I was doing anything reckless, but like you were being a typical 20 year old.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and she matured me very much. So I will say I thank her for now my level of maturity as an adult. If it wasn't for her, I would have probably never level the fuck out. I'll probably be still doing some of the same jobs and doing some of the same things I've always did, but she definitely matured the fuck out of me. And doing some of the same things I've always did, but she definitely matured the fuck out of me. So I do say in that relationship, I appreciate the hell out of her for that Cause. I did, uh, work wise. I now know my worth.

Speaker 1:

But, continuing on, um, you had that moment. And then all of a sudden I'm having this moment where I no longer have my person because of the communication that happened between us and we're no longer a thing. And uh, next thing you know, I call, no, I'm texting Asani. And next thing you know they're like, hey, well, what are you doing? I'm so, I'm getting ready to move, I need some help. But, like, the person that was supposed to help me is not here anymore and they were like, well, fuck it, I'm not doing anything. Well, let me fucking help you. So, literally the first time we're hanging out with each other since, um, you know, their, their previous partner was telling me like, hey, could you do the massage or whatever.

Speaker 2:

Um, now they're actually helping move into my apartment, so leave me my mom, literally the first day, and I literally I walked into your mom's house and I was like, hi, I'm so and so and um, your mom was like, oh, it's so nice to meet you. And then I helped you move a mattress and she you literally you told me you, she looked at you and she went are you sure you're not dating her?

Speaker 1:

yeah, like literally, and I was like I said, I mean, I told her, I told her this straight up, I said we, that's no. No, you didn't look at that point. Actually, you don't look at that point, um no you told her you would like to oh yeah, I told her well and that's gonna sound wild for people here that, like you told your mom, you want to fuck them like but you tell your mom everything yeah, my mom knows that's a fact.

Speaker 1:

Every escapade I have ever done, um, but yeah, so, like I said, we were both just, you know, having this moment and then, you know, once I finally moved in my apartment, got stuff situated and settled in, we just connected and well, I think we were both.

Speaker 2:

I think we were both kind of upset and using each other for comfort at that time, which sounds bad it does, but we weren't like. It really does sound bad, but it's not bad. It was a mutual thing. It was a mutual understanding between us, which is where I think the the biggest difference is it wasn't one person using someone else, it was both of us using each other that use my body to satisfy you anyway.

Speaker 1:

Um. So now, um, we are talking more frequently and we both kind of well, you kind of established that.

Speaker 2:

I wasn't comfortable jumping into a relationship just yet.

Speaker 1:

This is at the point we both have broken up with our partners and we're now both freely single again. And you know, we just started hanging out all the time. We had a couple of friends we used to hang out well, some friends, we still one. We still hang out. Well, some friends, we still one. We still hang out with other ones we don't.

Speaker 1:

Um shout outs to we can say Brandy's name, she doesn't get fucked. Um shout outs to Brandy Um, we would love, I love the fuck out of Brandy. Um, love y'all to miss, y'all to. Um, just another thing of communication that I was working on. While my previous relationship helped me mature myself, my level of communication grew from the experience that I have with these people. So how I communicate now, uh, is definitely for the better. So, yeah, um, so we start hanging out with these people and during this time as well, we kind of showcase that hey, like, we actually really like each other more than we expected. And yeah, you expressed that you did not want to have a relationship immediately and I said, okay, that's cool. Whenever you're fucking ready, you let me know because I'm here.

Speaker 2:

My thing was I didn't want our relationship to be another rebound and end up going south, and we could have prevented it by taking more time beforehand to get to know each other, which I'm so glad we ended up doing that, because if we had started a relationship while I was still in that mindset, it probably wouldn't have lasted.

Speaker 1:

I feel like it would have. I feel like because of who we are as lovers and what we value, I feel like, no matter what, we still would have clicked because it's still our energy knowing my mindset at that time.

Speaker 2:

That's not to say that you wouldn't have been a good partner. I wouldn't have been a good partner, okay. I myself. I was working through my own stuff, so I wouldn't have been able to give you the attention or interaction that you wanted in a relationship. I would have been a hell of a lot more self-centered. Knowing that you were willing to interact with me without having that label helped me realize that it wasn't a rebound, okay yeah, I mean.

Speaker 1:

And then it gets to the point where, finally, the day you do do this shit and guess when they fucking did it y'all? Was it christmas it?

Speaker 2:

was christmas eve. I asked him out and he was like are you really had to do this on christmas eve, didn't you? It's like yeah, yeah, so so we don't?

Speaker 1:

we don't technically celebrate our anniversary on christmas eve it's, uh, before thanksgiving, right?

Speaker 2:

it's like november uh, it's usually around mid-november yeah, like which is funny because that's when my birthday is.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but that's kind of when it happened, though. When you finally was like you technically expressed the interest of moving forward with a relationship, mm-hmm, and so I was like, okay, cool, so you know. So I said, are we actually dating? He was like no, this is just letting you I'm. I'm now actually interested in the idea. So I kind of I kind of used that date as when we kind of made it official right but both of us don't even remember the actual fucking date.

Speaker 1:

You know, it's in freaking november and I and I saw people say how the fuck do you not remember the date?

Speaker 2:

it's like uh, because we both have uh mental disorders that affect our memory no, not even that.

Speaker 1:

It's just simple fact that it was a. It was just a random ass day right we just know it was early november and I'll just say I would. So we just do the week of uh, the first week of november we do our anniversary sorry I'm.

Speaker 2:

I'm a little distracted right now. I'm sorry. I'm messaging the the lady that I'm house sitting for message that she just got back into town. So I was thinking I had to go back up there tonight. And I don't, which I do still have to go back up to that area because I have a dog to take care of at another place, but this I don't have to go there anymore. She just got home.

Speaker 1:

So now we're dating. So, so, um, so now we're dating and uh, with that, we both, during this time, was we didn't start officially until I moved. No, I didn't move to austin at that point, did I?

Speaker 2:

no, we were dating before that okay, we started dating like a half a year before that yeah and then you moved on to austin yep and I ended up like four or five months later, ended up moving in with you yeah, yeah, which I'm gonna tell y'all.

Speaker 1:

The day they finally moved in was like because, like it was already. I'm already that kind of person where, if the energy's there, I don't want you to go like there'll be some days they'll be laying around it's like well, I gotta go home.

Speaker 2:

I said no, just leave over, bro, so um that it would have worked if I didn't have dogs to take care of it would I like. Literally the only dog I was able to move into the house with you at that time was chichi yeah, uh, rip chichi, rip chichi.

Speaker 1:

Um, you know that's like about chichi, jesus christ, she was such an annoying fuck sometimes, but like you loved her.

Speaker 2:

You can't deny it. I loved her at in austin.

Speaker 1:

When I was in the place in austin because she was a companion at that point, she would be by my side. She lay next to me, she wasn't a, but when we finally moved here, she just I don't know what flipped well she, she started going a little senile. At that point she was, she was 13 years old she did not like me when we moved over here, bro, I was a terror and she so the way she was at austin was the way she was for most of her life.

Speaker 2:

So the beginning of her life she was the way that she was when we moved here, and then, once she turned three, it kind of leveled out a little bit anyway.

Speaker 1:

So we were in this smaller house in austin and then we finally moved to where we're currently at the moment and we've been rocking it ever since then, pretty much, um, during that time we both had a girlfriend. Well, technically, yeah, technically technically yeah technically girlfriend, but technically they were dating uh, asani, and then kind of like slightly dating me too. Um, granted, like me and that person were like spending all the time in the world together and they were technically dating you, but it was fucking right because of my work schedule.

Speaker 2:

It was I, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what to say about that anymore. It was, it was, it was a long distance.

Speaker 1:

It was a long distance thing and it fucking sucks, because it's like we're at the point of finally like meeting them and then spending time together and it just like went to shit. So it's like everything beforehand beautiful, loved it, but the next thing, you know, and then we had another person who kind of rubbed you the wrong way, an older person that rubbed you the wrong way because they showed up with flowers at your job. Oh yeah, no, that was before we moved here, yeah, but still we're talking about, like now, relationships.

Speaker 2:

Right. So I just started interacting with this person and they went full creep level, like I don't think it was intentional, but it they, they. I think that's just the way they are.

Speaker 1:

I think what had happened was it was like we did a thing and then kind of wanted to express that, since they could see me, they knew how to express that with me, but for you, I guess they just really try to find a way that would be beneficial.

Speaker 2:

But sending flowers to my job when I haven't given you my work address is a bit much.

Speaker 1:

Correct, and then that's why I said at the same time you do have that shit on your Facebook.

Speaker 2:

Well, I posted the picture, thinking that they were from you.

Speaker 1:

No, no, no. Facebook. Well, I posted the picture thinking that they were from you. No, no, no. What I'm saying is, like your actual, the place you work, you have it on your facebook but I have where I work, but I don't have the address okay, so they they literally had to do some snooping to figure out where I worked no, so all they had to do was go to your facebook, see that where you work, and then look up the address and then send it there I get that.

Speaker 2:

However, I never gave them any kind of inclination that I wanted that or that I was interested in them in that way. I was looking at them as like a friends with benefits kind of thing see, yeah and they were looking for a relationship.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's what happens to you every time with female presenting people honestly, like any female presenting person, just wants to if you want to be in a relationship with me, express it.

Speaker 2:

Don't just randomly start sending me gifts, because I've had horrible interactions with people before where they've literally they've sent me gifts and they've sent me things to um try and win me over, and it's like I'm not a materialistic person. If you want to, be in a relationship with me.

Speaker 2:

Do something with me, spend time with me, talk to me, go. We can go to the movies, we can go walk in the park. I don't care what we do, it doesn't have to be expensive. I feel weird accepting gifts if I'm not actively in a relationship with a person. I feel weird accepting gifts.

Speaker 1:

It makes me uncomfortable that's cool what I'm saying. At the end of the day, that's just what I've noticed. Anytime you've dated somebody female presenting they're always trying to that's that's. It's just wild um to be fair.

Speaker 2:

That was also before I realized that I'm more on the asexual scale than anything else yeah, because I was in yo crazy bro, anyway.

Speaker 1:

It was damn near like every time we saw each other was like smacking cheeks, um. But yes, so we've had that situation. We had one person who god, the energy was just fucking wild, um. And then I did date a person. Uh, we'll just say their name is c.

Speaker 1:

You're kind of out of frame, by the way oh, I'm sorry, you're good, um, I dated a person her name was c and really great experience, honestly, outside of you, one of the best relationships I had for a while. And then we ended things in last november very saddening moment for me, um, but the number one thing was again communication, um well, they had their own things that they were going through at the time too.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but they they basically knew because of what I needed communication wise they were just like I'd rather not make you wait until I'm ready to do stuff again. It's like that's cool. I mean, I'm not saying I won't date you again, but like take as much time as you need and come back to me when you're ready, but I would just prefer that you keep me close by so that way, like if you need me, I'm here. But I guess ever since then they just haven't needed me, never need to text, but they still follow me.

Speaker 2:

Um, well they, they still follow me too and I still follow them. They like they.

Speaker 1:

They're doing great right now, from what I can tell, I just like I'm happy for them, I just wish they were here still, um, but I'm not really gonna get into that, um, anyway, yeah, so I did it see, and um, then I think, yeah, we we've had our, like I said, other encounters where we'll talk to people, and just so they've.

Speaker 2:

They've never really gone anywhere, like they're just conversations it's more so.

Speaker 1:

The simple fact I know for me any other person that I've talked to they always feel like they're overstepping you, especially if we're doing something literally not like that, though I know, but I just don't know why people feel that way when you're generally not that kind of person like, oh shit, so she's coming to my space and y'all doing this, the fuck like here.

Speaker 2:

Here's a vocabulary word for all of our viewers compersion. I feel compersion when you have another partner and you're happy with them and you're spending time with them and you get to have these other interactions outside of myself, because you're getting something from them that you're not getting from me. Compersion is feeling happiness or joy when your partner is active with another partner. Hmm, I didn't know that shit College work.

Speaker 1:

I didn't know that shit College work. But yeah, it's even weird because like you get like super happy when people flirt with me.

Speaker 2:

Because it's cute.

Speaker 1:

I think it's adorable when people flirt with you, because you'll flirt back and I get to watch you do that. So you basically want to watch me when I'm spitting game.

Speaker 2:

Yes, why? Because I think it's cute that other people get to experience that, aside from me that's fucking hilarious to be like. So that's how you be getting bitches no, that's literally what it's, because you need those interactions no, it's not even that.

Speaker 1:

It's just funny, it's just like. It's like you said. They were like so that's how you be getting bitches, okay I, I can't flirt worth a shit.

Speaker 2:

I will start to flirt and then someone will say something a little more out of pocket than I just said and I'll get red and flustered and I'll I'll shut down.

Speaker 1:

I will literally stop responding the way I was before, so like how jill be uh flirting with you and be like yo asani's fucking high and stuff like that yeah background. Yeah, yeah, so asani's the kind of person that you got to pursue them. They will not pursue you well, it's not.

Speaker 2:

Not so much that, it's that I don't know how to pursue someone without. I don't want to come across as creepy so what about with e, the? Uh, you know the other e that we were with well, we had had a couple of interactions without us having that kind of energy beforehand.

Speaker 1:

Okay, because when I came home that day, you were just like ah on them and I was like what is this? This is not you well, that was also.

Speaker 2:

That was mutual energy exchange as well. Okay, that wasn't just me pursuing them or just them pursuing me. That was mutual.

Speaker 1:

You just took charge. What did I miss when I was gone? So?

Speaker 2:

I've been doing that with Brandy a bit more too.

Speaker 1:

I've noticed, I've noticed, and it's still fucking hot as shit I think I've flustered her quite a bit though yeah, because she's not used to it. You know like we used to all do a thing every once in a while we don't do it as much as we used to. But then like, uh, we've been more friends than anything.

Speaker 2:

So well, we still, we still have those interactions, it's just not as frequent, I don't know, babe uh, there's a difference between doing multiple threesomes and then just being friends. There's a difference, okay, but considering what else we do in our free time. That's, that's, uh, it is. There's some leeway there.

Speaker 1:

I'm just saying like from okay, that's like me going to the gym consistently and then not going to the gym and expecting the same weight to be, same muscles to be still be there, it's not gonna happen. Um, it's just a little bit different energy. But, um, aside from the point, we had that and um, what else? Uh, I know you're talking to somebody currently I am um.

Speaker 2:

He's really sweet. He's like two hours away from me, though, so it's probably gonna end up being mostly a long distance thing the person b.

Speaker 1:

You know. Right now it's like friendship, but like they're fucking in washington, like, for some reason, local motherfuckers, just they can't. I don't know what it is, bro, like I.

Speaker 2:

I promise I'm not mean.

Speaker 1:

I'm not either, bro. No, we've been told so many times that our relationship is apparently too healthy for them to be a part of.

Speaker 2:

Why Remember? That's the first time I'm hearing this.

Speaker 1:

That makes no sense. So remember the person. Who's this person? It's when you speak out loud in it and it bounces. Think about it. E starts with e oh yeah okay. That person specifically stated that your relationship is too healthy. I need a little bit of toxicity in my toxic, toxicity in my relationship okay, so that, that's, that's a them problem?

Speaker 2:

then, yes, it is, because if, if you're still out there looking for a toxic element in your relationship, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship.

Speaker 1:

You should be working on yourself but at the same time, they were not the first person that said that. I've had multiple people that say that because of the boundaries that we have set for ourself in our relationships I just I think we're just a lot more mature than people expect us to be that is a thing, but I I just really hate how, um, like, some people look at us and be like damn, like those are people I will settle down with. I'm not ready to settle down.

Speaker 2:

That's generally what we, which that's fair. Not everyone is at the same path or stage in their life as we are. Like I'm not, it's my time, bro.

Speaker 1:

Why waste my time, bro? Why get me all into this? And then it's my time, bro. Shit hurts. I'm one that is really big on loyalty and duty. That's my, that's my bushido decree is is is chugi and any person I'm with, I am loyal and my duty is to make sure that you are satisfied, happy and relieved when you're around me, so to to have the biggest goal in life be a safe space for your partner literally, literally. I want people, I want my partner to be like damn, my fucking day sucked this weekend.

Speaker 1:

I have to see you because the energy you give me relieves me that that was literally how our relationship kick-started literally and that's what I want every relationship that I have with somebody to be is to kind of be their safe space from all the bullshit that they deal with. But every time that happens people are just like, wait, this is scary, because you are that safe space and I don't want to seem like I'm needy and I'm like I don't give a fuck, you're okay, I I just rather you feel comfortable, not say you necessarily need to be around me, like you gotta be clingy, but like to say you know how everybody says they need their reset in life or like they, you know you smoke to to be relieved of the stress of the world.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

I want to be that stress relief. Being around me, feeling that comfort, is what is your stress relief. You can still smoke the weed and do all your stuff you do, but like I want you to be like man. I had a really shitty week. I need to go see Maz because Maz is going to help me, you know, with the shit that's going on in my world. So that's all I want to be for my partner. Luckily, with our relationship, now you don't have to do that, no right.

Speaker 2:

I don't have that much stress in my life anymore.

Speaker 1:

My the most, most of my stress now comes from work, and that is it I don't have that much stress from my other relationships with people, as I used to yeah, and that's kind of why brandy and us we don't really do other activities as much anymore, because during that time with brandy, like they were extremely stressed with the stuff they were dealing with, the place they were living, so like seeing each other every every other weekend and hanging out doing adventures was very important to them I pride myself in the fact that I am able to be your escape.

Speaker 2:

I am able to be your sanctuary uh from the stresses in life, and I am incredibly proud of the fact that you are able to be vulnerable around me that's all I want to be.

Speaker 1:

Bro is vulnerable with any fucking person I'm with on that level. Um, like, as you know, people in my, in this lifestyle, being vulnerable with each other is very important, so that's like the key thing with any person I'm dating and that's kind of one of the reasons why I tell people like yo, we gotta, you know, get together, sit down and chat but like on another level and just talking and like understanding each other's psyches and stuff like that. Like I will say, from the relationship I had with C, I kind of really value that. So I'm noticing, like as any person, when you're dating, every relationship should be elevating you for the next person and not to say in a sense of you need to keep getting elevated so you can finally be perfect for the right person. But you should never be the same person.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you should never be stagnant. And the same person you were when you left the relationship. Something should change about you to be better for the next person.

Speaker 2:

Every interaction you have in the world is a chance to grow.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

It's a chance to better yourself. It's a chance to change the way you do things to better serve yourself and your purpose. I believe that if you find a partner that you're able to grow with, that is the greatest fucking thing in the world.

Speaker 1:

There is nothing better to me than a partner that is willing to grow with or without me, with or without my input, but would prefer that it be with me because, like I mean, when my my previous job, when I used to to to travel, fuck man, I used to hate being in my hotel rooms and be like fuck, I'm not sleeping with asani. Like I dread the idea of going to conventions and shit, because, like I know, oh, I'm not gonna be in the same space with asani. And I know some people can say that's like click dependency or some shit like that, but it's just like no, it could be viewed as extreme codependency, but that's just who you are as a person.

Speaker 1:

No, but what I'm saying, like in the sense of you know always like coming home to your safe space. That's pretty much what it is Like. If I'm traveling and I'm at a con, I'm obviously not going back to my safe space, I'm going to a place I'm not familiar with, and I think that's the autistic side of me a little bit.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that is part of that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so it's like going to where you're familiar with is more so what I'm talking about. I'm familiar with my bed, I'm familiar with being in that space with you, and when I'm not there it doesn't feel right. So I mean I could still go out, do those?

Speaker 2:

things. It's just like I'd rather be in the familiar space. That just made me think of one of those memes that I saw where, um, it's a couple and they had just had a fight and the guy they're going to bed. And the guy turns over to his partner after a couple minutes of laying in bed and goes if you don't come over here and lay your head on my shoulder so we can go to sleep?

Speaker 1:

deadass, bro, deadass. I don't care what kind of argument, whatever I have, look, this is what we do. But granted, I'm not saying that me and me and Asani are perfect, I mean we both have flaws we've never, we've never argued. That's what I'm saying, like for relationships right it's for us to say we have never argued. Some people be like that's some flawed shit, like no, we've had discuss, we've had disagreements right, we'll have discussions around those disagreements, but we won't.

Speaker 2:

We're not combative with each other?

Speaker 1:

no, not at all, that is never the goal.

Speaker 2:

When you're in a relationship with someone and you value them as a person, your goal is not to antagonize them. It is not to go ahead and get into an argument or an extreme disagreement with them. It's not to hurt them. You're with a person you're wanting to grow with. Hopefully. If that person isn't willing to grow with you through arguments or disagreements, there's a problem big facts, big facts.

Speaker 1:

So, um, I don't raise my voice at any person that I'm on that level with. I've I ever since, uh, my relationship with m back in 2015. I will never raise my voice at a person that I am supposed to be. If I love you on that level, I'm not gonna ever be like yo I fucking, I'm tired of you doing this. No, it's not gonna happen, like you can sit down and talk to me like a fucking adult and we can have a conversation like adults.

Speaker 2:

Kids fucking yo um, that's just me, but uh well, we've we've had plenty of trauma in our relationships too, so we we've sat down, had plenty of trauma in our past relationships too. So we we've sat down and had discussions on what our triggers are and what we can do to alleviate those triggers or to alleviate the anxiety that comes from making requests or talking about things that are bothering us. It's literally the only other way I can think to describe it is.

Speaker 1:

We've had contract discussions where we've laid out terms and conditions purchasing fees, return policies and shit.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, there's no return policy. You're stuck.

Speaker 2:

Okay, unless I'm taken, but anyway, continue on but no, we've literally we've sat down and had discussions over how we're going to approach things. Like there's been a couple of times where, when we first moved in together, you would ask me, literally, we've sat down and had discussions over how we're going to approach things. Like there's been a couple of times where, when we first moved in together, you would ask me certain things in a certain way that would trigger me, and I didn't realize that was a trigger until after it happened. Oh yeah, and then we went back and we discussed why I reacted that way.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I remember that my biggest thing because I have lashed out at previous partners before that is something I really. I hate that I did that. I feel so bad that I did that and me being able to move past that and work on my emotions and the way I react to things is a big part of my personal growth. So when we're able to sit down and have discussions, I am so much more I don't I don't want to say in tune, um, I'm so much more engaged in the solution than the reaction okay, okay, um, and I think we've gotten to the point where we are now in the episode, where this is where we are.

Speaker 1:

Uh, we're just two people who are polyamorous and, you know, we kind of go with more of the kitchen table poly because, no matter with the person that you're currently talking to, I want to be able to sit and share a space and be like, hey, yeah, we both love and care for this person. We don't technically have to date each other. We could totally be metas, but like family, you know, I'm really big on creating that family and and it's just funny because recently we kind of expressed of always wanting a polycule or a triad, whatever the fuck you want to call it. There's so many different terms for so many people, not not necessarily a triad.

Speaker 2:

Okay, triad is referring to uh, three people who are all dating each other I thought it was thruple that too, but triad, that's.

Speaker 1:

That's pretty much the same thing, okay, as far as I know, oh okay, yeah, because triad was more of the older way than like when social media kind of got a hold of it was thruple right. Okay, yeah, that's what it was um.

Speaker 2:

So we, we want to be able to have a poly family.

Speaker 1:

I want to fucking try, bro. We got fucking arrows on spears and shit wearing the silk things with my sling out if it wants to and just be on some like type shit you know try bro. Um yeah, and then create our own language and shit anyway. Uh, we just want to polycule a family and whatnot, and uh, the.

Speaker 2:

The absolute last thing I want is for my partners to compete with each other yeah that is not the goal in a poly poly relation. Polyamorous relationship fact.

Speaker 1:

So that's just kind of where we are, what we both want and, um, as we continue our journey into polyamory, we're going to continue having these kind of conversations of, you know, some of the things we've explored, some of the things we've looked into. You know we're going to even pull up, hopefully, topics that you guys bring to us in this journey as we grow in our relationship, growing the relationship with you guys as viewers, and continue to fill you with knowledge about us, about polyamory and another thing that we're gonna do later on in the future. What's that? The study of the oh.

Speaker 1:

Which is going to be a Patreon. That is something we're going to get more into at a later date. I can't wait bro. It's going to be so fucking fun.

Speaker 2:

You know you're going to have all these people like curious as to what the hell you're talking about. That's the whole point.

Speaker 1:

It makes them watch the fucking next episode.

Speaker 1:

I got to give you a reason to come the fuck back. You know the fucking next episode. I gotta give you a reason to come the fuck back, you know. So, um, I think our next episode, um, what do you probably want to go into? We can go into some maybe basic topics of polyamory, or I know I know one of these episodes I want to go into my needs, wants and requirements thing too yes, that that is definitely a topic we should get into, that that is something I think is a mandatory topic.

Speaker 2:

Um, that next we can do that next or we can wait until, like, the third episode, because I don't. I don't want people to think that we're just here to give relationship advice. This is literally just about our life.

Speaker 1:

Let's just do a basic topic. We we can go to a friend, oh, um, I know, uh, our friend mystique. They had a topic they wanted to discuss and whatnot, and you know, we definitely want to be able to have guests. We're also looking to have guests, whether if you're local or not, but just other people who are polyamorous and just having different discussions. Uh, we're hoping to have a couple of friends of ours soon, um, nuki and spooks, uh, mystique and her husband, um, and just other people that we know who are in the lifestyle and just bringing them along and seeing it like this is not just us just talking together, but talking to other people. But I want to say thank you guys so much. If you like the video, please uh, subscribe as well as like and comment. You know, what do you guys think of us so far and uh, kind of some of the things you may want in a future, episodes and perspectives.

Speaker 2:

But I do apologize for the little rambles.

Speaker 1:

I know we were trying to avoid those we could, but um, it's your boy, girl masako asani and this is spoonful of poly. We hope you are now full with that knowledge and come back when you are empty, deprived and ready to be fulfilled again till next time bye, so you.