Spoonful of Polyamory Podcast

Ep.2 Polyamory Terms | Spoonful of Polyamory Podcast

• Itsthemazoku and AsaniDragonscale • Season 1 • Episode 2

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We dive deep into Kitchen Table Polyamory, defining it as a family-style approach where all partners can comfortably share space together regardless of who is romantically connected. Multiple polyamory styles and terminology are explored, from metamours to telemores, satellites to comets, creating a comprehensive guide for those navigating non-monogamous relationships.

• Kitchen Table Polyamory defined as prioritizing integration of multiple romantic relationships where all members can comfortably gather together
• Parallel Polyamory as the counterpart where separate relationships exist independently with minimal interaction between partners' partners
• Exploration of polycules and relationship structures including metamours, telemores, and satellites
• Discussion of physical boundaries and managing intimacy with other partners while sharing living space
• Garden Party Polyamory as a middle ground approach combining elements of both kitchen table and parallel styles
• Critical examination of problematic dynamics like unicorn hunting and one penis policy
• Personal experiences balancing energy, privacy, and respect in polyamorous relationships
• Preview of upcoming podcast topics including boundaries, needs, wants, and requirements

Subscribe to our channel and join us next time as we explore establishing healthy boundaries in polyamorous relationships with special guests sharing their experiences and perspectives.


🍽️ Welcome to the Spoonful of Polyamory Podcast 🥄❤️
Hosted by ItsTheMazoku and AsaniDragonscale, this show is your cozy seat at the kitchen table where we serve up real talk about polyamory, relationships, communication, and connection. Whether you're polyam-curious, seasoned in ethical non-monogamy, or just love good conversation—there’s a spoonful here for everyone.

We break down terms, explore real-life scenarios, and create a safe, affirming space to learn and laugh along the way.

🫖 Pull up a chair. Pour some tea. Let’s talk polyamory—together.

Speaker 1:

all right, we're live. So hello everyone again. It's your boy. Well, I'm not gonna say that, it's uh girl masuku I'm asani dragon scale and, uh, welcome back to our podcast, a spoonful of polyamory podcast. Um, we appreciate you guys watching our last video and giving us comments, feedbacks and just how we can improve our show for you. And how can we improve, um, just topics in general, because I know, like last one, we just kind of went a little bit everywhere.

Speaker 1:

But hey that's the first episode. You know, um, but this episode we're actually going to talk about kitchen table poly, what it is, what we think it is. First we're going to talk about what we think kitchen table poly is, before we look at the actual definition, and then just a couple of terms, um, that kind of flow with polyamory in general. So, uh, first things first. We're going to do raw paper scissors on uh, who goes first?

Speaker 2:

definition first?

Speaker 1:

yeah, that's gonna be a regular thing, guys, we're gonna do rock paper scissors and combat who does what first? All right, so are we doing two out, two out of three or just one? Just one, all right all right, otherwise it kitchen table poly to me means wait, no, I won, I go first okay, then go. That's what we did last time. I thought it was like whoever won the other one?

Speaker 2:

okay, go no, last time we did this you won, you went first, um. So kitchen table poly for me is kind of just like everyone gets along to a certain degree and is able to have cordial conversations, like they don't have to be super tight-knit with anyone in specific as outside of their partners, um, and they can just sit around and enjoy each other's company without having to be all this formal or super affectionate with anyone outside of their original partner.

Speaker 1:

So, yeah, that's good, I can see where you're coming from with that. I will definitely say, with my version of what I think kitchen table poly is it's family At the end of the day. It's family. For me, it's just like how you will when you are with your family, you get down together, you have dinner, you enjoy those festive things together and, yeah, ideally this person over here might be dating me or that person over there might be dating you. We are all able to sit in the same space, enjoy each other and appreciate each other and be a family and and that's kind of what ideally I like about kitchen table polyamory.

Speaker 1:

But that's what I think it is, it's all about the idea of family and us being able to be casual and cordial together in that space. So so please give me a definition of what is kitchen table poly.

Speaker 2:

Kitchen table. Polyamory is a style of polyamorous relationship in which the interrelationship of a network and the integration of multiple romantic relationships into one life or group is prioritized. Close relationships between metamors and or telomors are strongly encouraged or required. The name comes from the notion that all members of a network can sit around the kitchen table in their PJs drinking coffee.

Speaker 1:

I see, I wish I could have PJs, but you know they don't have onesies in my size.

Speaker 1:

So all that sounds pretty much I'm going to have. You guys in the comments will say which one do you believe was a little bit more accurate to the idea of what their version of kitchen table poly is. And the beautiful side of us kind of exploring more about this is that we recently found out that, yeah, we wanted to kind of if not, have a polycule or just some kind of family of some sort may not be all in the same space, but just wanting to build that up. And now that was a conversation we never really had in the beginning but, um, something that we realized that down the road. Hey, we actually wanted that, and speaking of which, I think polycule is one of the terms that are in there too. So if you don't mind searching for that real quick and reading out what is a polycule, make sure that you also uh, your face is aiming the mic at the same time this time well, they can wait for my face to face the mic until I have the the term in front of me.

Speaker 1:

you're good, I'm just saying but yes, there it is. Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 2:

So a polycule is a network of interconnected relationships. This can be used to refer to the network itself or a chart illustrating the same, a portmanteau of poly and molecule. Because of the varied possible configurations and how they can resemble charts of the chemical structures of molecules, groups and networks larger than four, people often simply use polycule or constellation to describe their network, rather than using one of the specialized terms for smaller units, as the shapes can get complicated awesome now.

Speaker 1:

Uh, I think this is from the website. It's called ready to polyamory. I think it's at the top um hang on it says uh, ready for polyamorycom?

Speaker 1:

yeah that's pretty much what we're getting all these terms from. So for those who want to actually check it out, I'll put the link in the description. Ready for polyamory, correct? And this is just, I would say, a resource that you could just use to look up terms. We're going to go over a couple of them as we discuss, like, if we say one, we'll bring it up. But yes, that definitely sounds more of what we were talking about originally, like what we wanted, but like right, we want a polycule.

Speaker 2:

We don't want a triad or a throuple like we'd like. We're not unicorn hunters and for people who don't know what a unicorn hunter is um.

Speaker 1:

I don think it's on there.

Speaker 2:

I don't think it is. We have a different term on there, but not unicorn hunter. A unicorn hunter is referring to a person or a couple that is looking for another person, typically preferably female, to join their already established relationship and that be their only polyamorous.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like so for a lot of them they'll do is, since you're a unicorn hunter, they'll say like hey, we're a couple. You can, you know, do things with us, but you can't do anything with nobody else right, which is for who?

Speaker 2:

for people, that that works for them. I'm not gonna knock it, but it's not for us. No, and it people who do that can be incredibly disrespectful, in my opinion, like they can be very um controlling. Yeah, I was about to say that.

Speaker 1:

That's my my whole issue with that. Yeah, yeah, it's totally controlling. I mean for me, at the end of the day, it's not ideal for me, because I can't just have just that. I like to be able to allow that freedom to any person, because I know I'm not the best at everything. I know I'm not going to be able to do everything. For me to tell you that, oh, you can only mess with us like wow, um, that's there's.

Speaker 2:

There's different like levels to it like some people want someone who, like they can go out and they can have other um intimate partners from a physical sense, and some people don't like that at all. And for some people they can go and have partners in an emotional sense and that be their whole thing. But it varies person to person, relationship to relationship with me.

Speaker 1:

At the end of the day, I am very demi sexual and sapiosexual. I've come to terms with this and I'm OK with it. I can't stick my dick in everything, I just can't. All right, got to have some formal connection with you, I just got to have something. So for me to say, yo, you only date us, nobody else like that to me is wild. So I enjoy the fact that. Hey, like you have that freedom, which is one of the reasons why I know a lot of people do solo poly instead, which see, I've always been a little confused by that term because from my perspective, poly is poly.

Speaker 2:

There's no. Like I understand unicorn hunters, I don't understand solo poly, because you still have multiple partners.

Speaker 1:

There's no solo in that so with my encounters with solo poly, it's to me a lot of people just they enjoy and it's to me I always kind of saw it as like a friends with benefits technically, because like you have a relationship with somebody, you're just not a anchor or a primary partner, you're just a partner who is there at times, um, so you kind of like come and go I have the the definition right here go ahead so solo polyamory is a form of polyamory in which an individual chooses to be their own primary partner, building connections without the assumption of progressing up the relationship escalator with one, or more often includes the assumption of living apart from all other partners so, and again, to me that's kind of what a friends with benefits sounds like

Speaker 1:

right and that's why I always found it interesting, like I have a couple of friends who are solo, poly um, and or people I have encounter who are, and that's a thing they just like having their own space, they like doing their thing. But I can respect that yeah yeah, I can respect it too, so it's just so that that explains quite a bit for me actually because like that that explains that it's kind of just like having no nesting partner.

Speaker 1:

It's just I'm just doing my thing, right literally I'm just doing my thing and, uh, I'm all about being a hoe. You know I'm all about being a hoe, but as long as you hoeing in your own space, you know your own thing, you're being safe and look, just keep doing your thing. Um, so we kind of went over like what? Maybe four terms already?

Speaker 2:

yeah, and like in the span of 10 minutes, so a lot to be.

Speaker 1:

You wanted to call this.

Speaker 2:

What a sprinkle of uh no, I, so you wanted to put them in like, make them clips. We're going to yes, and I wanted to call the clips a pinch of poly.

Speaker 1:

Yeah now, see, I'm gonna say this y'all I it's a pinch of poly that they wanted to use. I wanted to use a teaspoon of poly because you know that's a whole mouthful.

Speaker 2:

A teaspoon is a whole mouthful, no a tease, like saying the phrase teaspoon of poly. You can say it's a whole mouth. You can say I think a pinch of poly works a lot better.

Speaker 1:

Tps, let them decide okay, there you go in the comments. Tps is a teaspoon, a poly, a tps or a sprinkle. No pinch a pinch. Okay, we'll find out in the comment section.

Speaker 1:

We appreciate y'all, but um see, like I said, we're growing. You're growing with with us at the same time, you know this is a channel that we have created, but as a community, this is for all of us, because the information that we give there's multiple polyamorous. You know podcasts and you know kudos to them. I think you actually have one that you really enjoy watching too.

Speaker 2:

So it's not a polyamorous podcast, it's a podcast about communication. Okay, which I think is really cool. They're called To Be Better, the number two and then Be Better podcast. They're very like I don't want to say old fashioned, but that's like the only term I can think of Domestic, not domestic, I kind of swore. Traditional, it's a very traditional style relationship where she's a stay-at-home mom and he works and provides, which, from what I've seen on their podcast so far, they've recently she's recently gone back to work, um, but I think it's really cool what they do and they're really big on communication, especially because they are both people who have um mental disorders and um.

Speaker 1:

I think they're really cool. I could have sworn maybe because I know within the world of the lifestyle domestic kind of was a thing that like you like doing those tasks, so maybe that's something I'm not familiar with she.

Speaker 2:

She has expressed that she enjoys um staying at home and taking care of the house.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like she, and she doesn't have to go back to work, she can go do whatever she wants, see see, and that's the thing too, y'all, y'all gonna get mad at me real quick, but that's what I want to do for this one. But this one don't want to. I don't.

Speaker 2:

I don't like staying at home, stuck at home, but I need, like, would I like, to not have to work quite so hard for us to make ends meet. Yes, that that would be great. However, I could not stay at home 24 7 and like spend my entire day at home like. I understand that I'll get to go out and do stuff with my friends, but you get to do your sewing, which you've been.

Speaker 1:

You get to build your garden that you've been wanting to build forever well, I can.

Speaker 2:

However, I don't like not doing things within the community and I enjoy my job. First off, I don't want to stop working. I would like to reduce my work hours, yes, but I do not want to stop working.

Speaker 1:

You building a garden is building for the community, because you know vegetables Okay. You sewing could be for the community because you can come out.

Speaker 2:

No, sewing is my own thing. Okay, but you still wear that shit out in the community. I'm wearing it out in the community, yes, but I'm not making stuff for the community.

Speaker 1:

We know that, but it's for the community, because you're stepping outside in the community.

Speaker 2:

That's not how that works. That is not how that works. I don't want to be not working. I will go stir crazy and you will not like it when I go stir crazy, because I will start rearranging everything and I know you hate that shit. If it's for a good cause, no, I will do it just out of boredom. You'll come home to a wrecked house how about?

Speaker 1:

how is that?

Speaker 2:

when I work from home.

Speaker 1:

So no, anyway, regardless, you know, I I just I want to be able to provide in a way that, yes, they are not working as hard as they do. Um, because we both have our own line of work. I work from home.

Speaker 1:

They're working like constantly, almost 12 hours a day, so if not more and you know, uh, having them home, yeah, having you home would be a lot, you know, more often. If I could, because, yeah, we get to do more things together and not saying that we don't do stuff, you know, it's just. There is a thing about being able to exist in the same space with your person and I like more of that. Like before we started filming, we just sit there relaxing and in our own spaces and I remember I was like I was going to tell you for a few seconds, like yo, don't get too comfy.

Speaker 1:

You sound comfy too, you can't say that I know I'm just saying I was going to tell you that because we got to film this. But I, you can't say that. I know I I'm just saying I was gonna tell you that because we gotta film this. But I was like, don't get too comfy, you know I'm saying, but either way, um, I, I enjoy when we have those moments. I mean, that's kind of one of the reasons why I bought the karaoke machine, so we can start like sitting at the house and just doing karaoke together. Um, but apparently I get not by you but everybody else. I get side eye when I always want to sing, like sad shit. I'm like I like lo-fi, sad boy vibe music. I can't fucking help it.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, kind of going back into our polyamory terms, we kind of glossed over one that kind of came into the kitchen table, poly one which was, I believe, the metas and the telomores metamores and telomores what is a telomore?

Speaker 2:

I've never heard of that telomore is a metamore of a metamore. So let's define metamores first. Let's say I have another partner and neither of you are dating each other.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I know that.

Speaker 2:

You're only dating me. You would be metamors.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

So if that partner were to get another partner, that other partner would be your telemor, because there's no direct link between you two anymore.

Speaker 1:

What if that person then gets another partner? Then what the fuck is that?

Speaker 2:

That would be a satellite. What? That would be a satellite partner. What the fuck is a satellite bro?

Speaker 1:

This is what I've never heard of. I literally just learned about Comet the other day. We're going to get back on the satellite because you don't have to explain it, but I just recently got on the Comet the other day. And we're gonna get back on the satellite because you don't have to explain it, but I just recently got on the comet the other day, of comet being, you know, a a part, a long distance partner, pretty much a long distance partner that you see each other once in a blue moon, I guess you could say. I mean, it's basically a long distance relationship, but I like the idea of comet.

Speaker 1:

Like you know, comets are supposed to be magical. They're supposed to be exciting, they're supposed to oh, there's a comet coming up soon. You only see those once in a lifetime. You want to make sure you see it, so like.

Speaker 2:

I like going out and watching meteor showers what the fuck okay you were talking about comets and they're part of meteor showers. A lot of times I like going out and watching meteor showers. I know that's not what we were talking about. That thought just popped into my head Anyway.

Speaker 1:

Alright, going back. So comment I learned about comment. You go ahead and tell me about this satellite.

Speaker 2:

So telemore is like think telephone yeah.

Speaker 1:

So like okay, there's, this is the partner, the metamore would be this partner, and then the telemore would be that partner, and then the satellite would be this one yes, it's a chain, but it's not directly connected so are there more terms for the ones that continue on or just stops the satellite? I think it just stops the satellite.

Speaker 2:

I haven't heard any more terms for the ones that continue on or just stop the satellite. I think it just stops the satellite I haven't heard any other any other terms for that? Like, yeah, I've, only I've been I think that, like the main part of the, the difference between a satellite and a comet is that the satellite has, like regular, constant contact with but it doesn't have to do anything with long distance.

Speaker 1:

I think satellite is.

Speaker 2:

The difference between they don't come around just once in a lifetime. There's a constant connection.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but still, when it comes to a comet and a satellite, one is long distance, one isn't. That's the difference. Well, no not just that, you just telling me more new shit, bro, come on.

Speaker 2:

Okay, think about it. If the comet only comes around once in a while, that's a valid term for that Satellite. You have a constant connection to that satellite, it's there's always a signal coming through yeah, that's my internet, bro, you're gonna call? That that partner an internet wi-fi.

Speaker 1:

Yo, that shorty's a weefy, show these a weepie. Oh, they a weepie, they a weepie. Look at us trying to create. Anyway, get back into this. So we've gone over metamor, telemor, satellite, a comet, as well as kitchen table and, oh this. Let's go over the other versions of polyamory, because I know there's garden so hang on um.

Speaker 2:

Okay, here's one parallel polyamory. That parallel polyamory, a style of polyamorous relationship in which each individual relationship exists largely independent of either partner's additional romantic or sexual relationships.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to keep it a buck fifty with you. What the fuck is that? I'm not saying like it's a bad thing, but like explain that in Goro?

Speaker 2:

terms. So hang on, there's more. There is not an what did you just do? Okay, there is not an intentional focus on entwining the relationship network. There may be close relationships between some metamors or telomors, but there is no requirement for this, and there may be low or no contact between some members of the larger relationship network. So it's like the opposite of kitchen table. Meaning everybody has to be dating each other. No, it means no one has contact outside of the main person they're dating with the other.

Speaker 1:

So like no, so say I'm dating someone and you're dating someone that those two people don't interact with each other at all oh, so kind of like a do not, do not ask, don't tell, kind of thing that's. That's a different term on here I know that, but I'm like kind of in that sense, like like yeah, say, if I'm dating another person and you just don't interact with them, but you obviously like you know about them okay, okay, okay, okay, okay you do.

Speaker 1:

You have no significant interaction or relationship with that person yeah, okay, that makes more sense because like it kind of sound like the don't ask, don't tell which to me.

Speaker 2:

I mean no, I think I think don't ask don't tell is more along the lines of open relationships.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because I mean there are certain things like there's.

Speaker 2:

We have that to a degree, you and I, where I like I don't need, I don't want to know all of your your sexual encounters with people like I want to know that you're being safe yeah but I don't want to know what you did with that person speaking of which we got a in term or phrase for that.

Speaker 1:

So if any one of us is physical with somebody, we'll say like, hey, how did everything go? We'll specifically say keyword we had a little bit of extra fun, or key phrase, whatever had a little bit of extra fun.

Speaker 2:

That to us means that yeah, we did the dude, but you didn't need however, there was already like, if that phrase comes into play there was already a discussion about this like there might be a little bit of extra fun when I go out with this person.

Speaker 1:

It's not just a oh.

Speaker 2:

I went out with this person and we didn't expect anything to happen, but like we had a little extra fun, we have had those moments though we have, but they're not as often as the.

Speaker 2:

Oh, we went out and this was kind of planned, so we had a little extra fun yeah so that that was one of the biggest things in my pre one of my previous relationships is that he would go out and do this thing and say he wouldn't do anything with this other person on to that degree, and then he would come home and spring it on us and be like oh yeah, we did this oh, yeah, like just as a passing phrase, and that now do you want to specify that too, because I know it's?

Speaker 2:

it's strictly penetration, penetrational sex right um, yeah okay, because you obviously know like, if you plan for it, you're gonna have protection with you if you don't plan for it.

Speaker 1:

You're not gonna have protection with you, so there's there's gonna be an issue there I'm just saying because you kind of know my thing, no, I know your thing, but you usually always carry stuff with you, yeah I'm just saying the thing I normally like to do is probably the thing I'm normally only going to do, but nine times out of ten you're aware of what's going to happen, because that's nine times out of ten what I'm going to do.

Speaker 1:

It's never normally actual. You know the thing. It's normally. Hey, I just used this and that was it, and we kept it at that, and you can make that as whatever the fuck you want it to be, but that's it. So for those who know me, they know what the fuck I mean. But yeah, that's pretty much how we do this. Have a little bit extra fun and that could be strictly just. That person actually did the deed and with that, um, I have this thing where I, okay, we have a three-bedroom house. Now a lot of people are kind of curious, probably like, okay, since you guys are poly, how do you handle the other person being physical with somebody in the same space and you're not being involved? So that's probably a topic we can kind of go over with that right.

Speaker 2:

so if you have, because you're more likely to be the one that has someone over rather than me, because I don't go out very often. So if you have someone over, we have two guest rooms. First, off.

Speaker 1:

explain why, because I know people in media will be like wait, so he's the one doing his stuff all the time you got to kind of speak to that.

Speaker 2:

It's not that I I am on the asexual scale, I, I am on the asexual scale. I Every now and then I'll go through a period of time where I don't want anything At all Sexual Seven hours. And I recently found out that that is actually a side effect or a symptom of PCOS Polycystic ovarian syndrome. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which I didn't know. I thought that was just because I'm on the asexual scale, but that may have something to do with it too.

Speaker 2:

So there's a medical reason for it now too, um, but from a relationship standpoint I am very I'm pan-romantic, which means I will engage in romantic relationships with pretty much any gender or identity. But I am also demi romantic and demi sexual, which means I have to have a connection with that person before I even consider going into that kind of relationship with them.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, relationship with them, yeah. And then, since you brought that up, sapio, is it's more of a um and this is gonna sound. We're like an intellectual connection and it's not saying like hey, you have to be smart, but like you got to feed my brain, my interest, you have to feed my brain before I could say, hey, I want to do that with you, so, um, but continue, since we. I don't want to go too far off About having people over and you don't want to oh yeah, no right.

Speaker 2:

So I don't do that very often because I don't have. I don't build those kinds of connections very often because, as a female presenting person, I get a lot of creeps. At the same time, you are more of the person that likes to be seeked rather than seeking it's not so much that I would rather have someone chasing me, it's more so that I don't have the confidence to chase the.

Speaker 1:

What are you talking? Look at you. How do you not have confidence? Because I chased me. No, that was mutual no, you can't deny that. No, no, no, let me tell you, okay, okay. But here's the thing, here's the you okay?

Speaker 2:

no, you know how I didn't. I wasn't the one who initiated first you talking? About sex no, because that was you. Yes, that was you. Yes, that was me. You got it right, so don't even fucking play. But we've already been over that. That was because we were both in need of that at that point in time.

Speaker 1:

You initiated it though.

Speaker 2:

Okay, but we had just done some other activities as well.

Speaker 1:

Okay, but here's the thing you sought it, you pursued it, okay point being which one of us said I love you first in our relationship.

Speaker 2:

Legit I don't remember you. You had to. You told me the first time you said it. You told me. I understand that you may not be comfortable saying it back just yet, but I want to let you know that I love you and I was like okay. So you were to let you know that I love you and I was like okay. So you were the first one to say I love you.

Speaker 1:

You initiated like a real one though but at the same time you initiated the other stuff.

Speaker 2:

You don't want to ask me to fuck out, but that was because you were respecting my boundaries that I had set prior. You waited until I was ready, and I said I wanted to because I had told you beforehand I wasn't ready for that kind of relationship yet. Why?

Speaker 1:

are you bringing up old?

Speaker 2:

because you're bringing up old anyway.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, I did that, Anyway. So yeah, I did that.

Speaker 2:

Oh don't be coy about it now.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I can, because you're trying to make it sound like I'm the goody. Two shoes. You are Anyway. So, yeah, going back to you and you're not being the one who would normally bring people around.

Speaker 2:

I don't normally bring people in, no.

Speaker 1:

I said that one time I came home and you know who was here okay, but they were.

Speaker 2:

They were helping us like unpack shit oh, you was unpacking anyway.

Speaker 1:

So, yeah, we got two guest bedrooms and normally if anything goes down it's going down in the guest bedrooms, not in our bed. The only time it ever happened was with the previous ex and you would be like he sleep. You should go with him and I'm like and I hear that and I'm like, not you telling this mother to come into bed and do stuff to me, cool let me go ahead and get ready so you can't say you didn't like that all right, I was like, let me go ahead, get ready.

Speaker 1:

I'm not gonna sleep just with my style, like you're gonna do it you're gonna do it damn.

Speaker 2:

No, you, you always sleep.

Speaker 1:

I always sleep well in the world. Yes, I don't sleep naked like other people do I don't.

Speaker 2:

It's restrictive.

Speaker 1:

I don't like it okay, anyway, um since you want to throw shade yeah, I'm gonna throw shade, all the shade. I am dark yeah, probably, that's probably gonna come back anyway, so, yeah, if we're gonna do anything for me, we have guests, we have a guest bedroom, so stuff normally happens there. My issue is I never feel comfortable with doing that. You're in the house, unless it's with somebody, but I've already expressed to you that I don't have a problem with it, I know I did.

Speaker 2:

My only issue that I've ever had with that was I don't want to wake up to it happening next to me. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

But here's the thing you know me and my primal side we doesn't like hearing sounds incorporated with that. So when I'm thinking about blowing somebody back out in this month, the last thing I'm thinking is they're going to hear this and all the other stuff that goes with that. I don't care To me. That fucks with my brain because I would hate and I don't even care if I don't give a damn what you're doing with that person. But if I hear this brain and primal just says kill, Okay, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1:

It says kill. So like you do what you want to. But I don't know what it is, I guess it's just I know you'll like to do this stuff and it just throws me off that you'll do it. I'll finish doing the deed and then you'll come up and be like, kiss me and I'm like yo, the energy, I, just the energy I have with this person, I okay, I think it doesn't bother me I think I just saw my own what it's not just the sound, is the energy, so that I just had this energy that I sent out if I let me.

Speaker 2:

Let me ask you this if I were to have that kind of session with someone and I were to come out, would you not want to kiss me afterwards?

Speaker 1:

no, okay it's. It's because you're still in that element with that person. You're not just coming out here to now. If you guys were done right?

Speaker 2:

no, I'm saying if, if we were, if I were done, because I wait until you're done.

Speaker 1:

I don't like immediately, like I let you get yourself situated and and like do your thing for a minute before I come up and I'm like I want to kiss yeah, yeah, no, if we're done like we're not going for a second round, third round, then yeah, but if you are like you're just coming out, go into the bathroom, clean yourself and go back in there because the energy is still there. So it's really the energy for me. I guess you could say more than anything, because I just feel like if you didn't ask to be in that energy, I shouldn't be transferring what I'm experiencing with this person into you, because I feel like that's me putting you in the situation okay, so does that make sense I get it.

Speaker 2:

But the reason I don't have a problem with it is because I also protect myself energetically, um, with my day-to-day stuff, like I have my own, like meditations and mantras and stuff that I do to protect my own energy. So you, coming out from that kind of situation and like you still have some of that energy around you, I don't mind it because it doesn't affect me, because I have my own. I have my own protections, I have my own energy that I'm working with.

Speaker 1:

Unless it's somebody deliberately wanting to cause harm, I don't care I think another thing that kind of comes into play with that now and that you brought it up to is the thing you said before, where you're like you don't want to wake up to it and obviously you're not able to consent to that right when you're, when you're asleep, there's.

Speaker 2:

You're a lot more vulnerable, both energetically and mentally and physically, than if you were to walk into it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, yeah and just like how the other person that came in the other day and I gave him a massage, gave him a happy ending and then, you know, this is something I do. After everything, y'all, y'all gonna. Probably I'm a I'm I'm big germaphobe. I don't give a dang what I just did. If I did something involving this mouthwash, brush teeth out. If I just use this, I'm rinsing it off afterwards. It's to the point where if we're going to bed and this one hears the faucet run before I get into bed, you know what time it is. I feel like that.

Speaker 2:

I'm going to have to tell mom she may not want to listen to this one.

Speaker 1:

I could just take out certain parts.

Speaker 2:

Yes, she may not want to listen to this. This is a big chunk. I could just, you know, take out certain parts, you know, yeah, she may not want to listen to this.

Speaker 1:

No, yeah, this is a big chunk. Here's the thing, here's the thing. The fact that you told me your mom watched the last one I was like oh, because I told her that we were doing the podcast and she was like okay, cool, Where's the link?

Speaker 2:

And I'm like well, sometimes you keep your mouth closed, bro, Because mom wants to know what we're doing too. I just don't go into much detail with it.

Speaker 1:

Here's the thing she's got to understand that, since we are Polly, there are going to be these conversations.

Speaker 2:

No, she does understand that. She just doesn't want to be a part of it.

Speaker 1:

Okay, Well then you probably shouldn't tell her about the mother.

Speaker 1:

These specific conversations we're having in this episode, we're not in the last episode, okay so like if we have episodes where we're like mainly talking about this kind of stuff, I can be like okay, just kind of steer clear of that one we can even put a disclaimer of like a section like uh, mom, skip at this part, um, and then she can click and skip, um, you can do those things. But uh, pretty much, yeah, like when those moments happen like yeah, mouthwash rinse off everything.

Speaker 1:

And that could be after session number one, and I'm doing it because if we're going back into it again, I need to be cleansed, clean and everything. I know and this is not me again taking a part of their culture, I just remember. I remember when I was growing up, um, I always read that, um, people in africa and also people in japan, uh, before they actually did the deed, they would shower beforehand. So I always felt that before I do anything, cleanse, that that resonated with you.

Speaker 1:

Yes, very much. So I I always say like in my head, I never want to have a situation where, say, if we did a first round and we're just laying in it and all of a sudden you say, hmm, let me go ahead and top them off real quick and then like, oh, the aroma of the last one is on this area now. I want to do that because I definitely I I am big on smells and scents. Uh, if I smell something I don't like, I ain't gonna touch it. There have been many times where I've had a person and nether regions weren't what I hoped and we just said, nope, we're not gonna do that today. We can do something else, but we ain't gonna do that today. And because it's always embarrassing to tell a person like, hey yo, your n the regions ain't fresh, yeah and um, that could be embarrassing. So what I'll do is, uh, I use something else besides this and then, uh, well, I don't let you do that anyways, unless I've I've showered regardless.

Speaker 1:

You know, if it's uh, if it ain't a specific way, I ain't going down there anyway. So that's just anything but yes, and which which gets on my nerves too, because you'll sometimes do it when I'm like yo, let me go. No, I'm taking this and I'm like but you say you want that yes, I do, okay, I do, but my brain is saying bro, rinse it, rinse it and you're doing the thing that I want.

Speaker 1:

I'm like, but the thing and so my brain is malfunctioning because it's like rinse, but she's also taking it. What the fuck do we choose? Um? But yeah, kind of going back to the main topic at hand, like, yeah, when it comes to having those intimate moments with other people in our space, I genuinely not try to do it when you're home, and that's not just saying like oh, he's not really being, it's just when I'm not dating that person and I'm still on that level of we're talking and, yeah, we got physical. Like there's a difference between, hey, I'm dating this person, so now obviously it's expected to, I'm just talking and we kind of got physical. You don't even know if this is going to progress anywhere. So for any person I don't know if anybody else that does this that's polyulie. They're like for parents they don't introduce their kids to their partners until serious, I don't really fully introduce you to motherfuckers until I feel, serious.

Speaker 1:

so for me to be like yo, me and that person had a session and are you meeting them for the first time? That's kind of like how me and I could say this person's name me and Brandy had a situation like this where I just got finished with this person and then Brandy comes to the house and then Brandy literally meets them while me and this person are butt naked. We just finished and this is at your old place. Yeah, this is at the apartment. So I literally just finished open and this was at your old place. Yeah, this was at the apartment. So I literally just finished, Opened the door Butt-ass naked and Brandi's like you got finished doing your thing. Hey, here's the person.

Speaker 2:

Hi person and we just. But that's also a respect thing for the person that you were just with. Because, that throws anybody off.

Speaker 1:

Yes, but like like that's what I'm saying, though, like I can't do that. I can't like. That was my earlier years where it was like yeah, whatever, but at the same time it's it's, it's me and that person like that's kind of how we are, you know whatever. But besides the point, back then I can do something like that and introduce them to a person that I'm with. But now I'm like, maybe because I'm getting into my 30s, my energy is limited now, and to do something like that with somebody and then introduce them to you, that's important to me because, again, I'm all about the whole family aspect, so like well, that's also one of the reasons why we have that boundary in place where we don't tell each other about the people we're talking to unless it gets serious, unless we're seriously considering um getting into an actual relationship with that person we'll.

Speaker 1:

We'll let each other know that we're talking to someone.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, right, but we won't go into specifics about it unless we know it's serious. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Cause, like you're talking to someone currently and I have two people that I'm talking to and the relationships are different for each, but we don't specifically, like I think you will may know the person's name and then we'll go on to like small details, but the details we're going to is like this is what I can see from the outcome of this relationship. Like I see this, this person maybe you know it may be something strong, I don't know like whatever is on our mind, we'll talk about it and every once in a while I'll be like how's that one person doing? And you might be like, hey, how's that one person doing?

Speaker 1:

right we'll do stuff like that, but, um, I think with the last relationship that I was in with, that that one hit you pretty hard.

Speaker 2:

That like I understand why there's been a pause.

Speaker 1:

That like I understand why there's been a pause. Yeah, I try not to think about it a lot, not saying that I, I haven't been ready, I've totally been ready to move on from it. It's one of them situations where this person was at a very high level of man. I am actually just okay with youtube. I don't really need anything else. You both satisfy pretty much everything I need emotionally, physically mentally I know, um, and I was very much content.

Speaker 1:

I didn't really need to mess with nothing. I was content with the two and to have and this is gonna sound bad to like somebody has to meet that level or something like that like it's.

Speaker 1:

It's not an easy bar to me yeah put it that way, that was a song they said they set the bar high that was a song that I would always translate that with um. I can't think of the song right now, but yeah, it's, it's that, that. But with the people I've been recently talking to, it's like, yeah, they're, you know, getting my mind off that, but like when it first happened, like yeah, I was, I was rough, um, but still happy for them and the progression that they're making in their life, um, so I wish I was there, you know, anyway. Um. So, yeah, that's pretty much the energy that we like to do or what kind of have in the house if we're going to be physical with people, um, I, I generally just don't like doing that and as many times you'll tell me you have no problem with it.

Speaker 1:

I don't know, man, it's just something about me making all that noise, because I'm one that makes a lot of noise and for you to be hearing that I always kind of thought it would probably set you off Not in a bad way, Just like I don't want to hear that, you know Well that's one of the good things about having the guest rooms on the other side of the house. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

I know you'll go in your room if it gets to that point, but, uh, our room.

Speaker 1:

Excuse me, but it's just. You know, either way, uh, that's kind of how we roll with us doing stuff. Um, let's just go into another uh definition, or um, because we about about almost 15 minutes left okay, so let's talk about oh, garden, do the garden, because we went to parallel, we do garden, yeah so garden party polyamory.

Speaker 2:

It's the middle ground between kitchen table and parallel polyamory, which that makes me glad that we went over parallel first. It says sometimes used for the polycule with a bit of everything and sometimes used for folks who see each other at large events a few times a year.

Speaker 1:

Okay, okay so.

Speaker 2:

So, like you have people within the polycule that have little to no interaction with each other outside of big events because of the vastness of the interconnectedness of the main part of the polycule pause me if I'm not thinking this correctly so would you say when we have our get togethers?

Speaker 1:

is that kind of like that? Because I mean we have those connections like we don't.

Speaker 2:

We have those connections like we don't.

Speaker 1:

We have those connections, but we don't have like dating dating, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, we have our regular friends we hang out with and stuff like that. We do not host orgies, guys. I mean you probably thought that we don't do that, um, but it's just like we. We have times we all hang out with friends and that we are super connected with, and they're also poly, but like we see them as family I think garden poly or garden party polyamory refers more to like people, that person, so kind of like how?

Speaker 1:

so? Venus and their person, would you say, because we had a real deep connection but we weren't dating them I damn near was close enough, because boy did I. I'm sorry this is gonna sound wild. Venus was the one that got away from me like.

Speaker 1:

That was the one that I was like venus is the one that got away from everyone literally because that, oh my gosh, oh she was, she was so fun, she was fun, like as a person fun. But um, yeah, that if anybody venus was the one I got away and to have them visit us in the future looking forward today because I missed the energy anyway. Um, I guess that makes sense at the end of the day of, uh, what the terms mean and that, uh, I was gonna raise a parallel nature so um.

Speaker 2:

One thing I do want to bring up is I think that garden party polyamory involves telemores more so than kitchen table make sure you talking into your mic well, I'm like right there.

Speaker 1:

There's no way it can't hear me side though, because you do it from here, the audio is different from here, so if you need to push it down some and make it face up, that's what you want.

Speaker 2:

There you go, but continue as I was saying, um, I think garden party polyamory involves telemores and satellites more than kitchen, and comments and comments more so than kitchen table does, because, like you, you're, you're, you have these big events that everyone is invited to so is garden pop, garden party.

Speaker 1:

Poly is basically like a universe. Think about you got comments in there satellites, it's space. Now you're just being goofy, no like think about it space, space polyamory so let's go over hinge yeah, that that's a good question partner a hinge partner is the shared partner between two people.

Speaker 2:

Called so because, in using shapes to describe polycules, they're often the point of a shape that that shape hinges on. So earlier example, when we were explaining metamors, I have a partner outside of you. You two are metamors.

Speaker 1:

I have a partner outside of you.

Speaker 2:

You two are metamors. I'm the hinge.

Speaker 1:

Which is the hinge, will be this part, the top part, yep. So the diamond or the triangle, this is me, this is that person and this is you.

Speaker 2:

But see, there's no connection between you two.

Speaker 1:

So you're basically telling me, it's this no, it's like this, that's lame, I'm in the middle down there.

Speaker 2:

That's lame. One person is here. One person is here.

Speaker 1:

It's lame.

Speaker 2:

But that's what that is, but we are connected because we're connected to you. Right.

Speaker 1:

Which that's why that is. We are connected because we're connected to you, Right. That's why that makes me the hinge Triangle is a better suited no because y'all aren't connected like that, because think about the Triforce of power and courage. All right, I want it to be fucking Zelda, you the princess and I'm Ganon, and they Link and we just fighting over your ass.

Speaker 1:

Nesting partner, that's you, you take you, you, you take that one. What do I think it is? Yeah, we birds and we gotta um, so nesting is obviously your home, is your nest, your home is your uh, plateau, whatever it is, and your nesting partner is the one you come home to pretty much. What do you think it is?

Speaker 2:

before you look at the definition nesting partner is the person you live with you just stole my nah, that's literally the definition, though A partner with whom one shares a home.

Speaker 1:

Or a nest, you know, and you look out like birds.

Speaker 2:

Okay, opp, opp.

Speaker 1:

Other people's policy.

Speaker 2:

No One penis policy.

Speaker 1:

Go ahead and go over it.

Speaker 2:

One penis policy is a firmly enforced rule that there can only be one penis-having individual, typically a cis man, in a relationship network, often considered transphobic because they are denying the genders of trans women and trans men, and generally considered belittling belittling of relationships between women because it implies that the same sex relationships are safer for the cis man imposing this rule on his partners well, man, I'm gonna keep it, a buck 50 with you that that's one of the things that a lot of unicorn hunting couples have oh yeah, but I'm gonna keep it above 50 with you.

Speaker 1:

Um, when you said at first, I said other people's pussy, which is she's, for the street. Uh, or you know, they can be applied like that too other people's.

Speaker 2:

That's that swinger, is it? Wait, no one. One pussy policy. That's lame like it can be flipped just like anything else but the word penis is just gross anyway.

Speaker 1:

um, we say anyway, uh, that's lame, but I, I keep it above 50, which I couldn't even do that if I wanted to. Because, um, look, I, I won't suck it, I won't be by, but I'll jack one, I don't give a damn, I won't take one but I'll that motherfucker no problem, because I ain't got no problem with that.

Speaker 2:

Platonic life partner. What do you think that is you, platonic life?

Speaker 1:

partner. Oh, I just heard life partner you, oh, two people that are together, because you, I guess you kind of just work with each other, like we're not physically, we're not emotionally into each other anymore, but we're just here operating together. We're like on autopilot mode and not not quite um.

Speaker 2:

A platonic life partner is a partner with whom one may not be romantic or sexual, but to whom one has made a lifelong commitment, which may include things like cohabitating and co-parenting so is that similar to that one time you said, hey, if you stop me, if we stop doing the do today, I'd be completely okay with that, yes, kind of crazy as fuck so the um, the platonic life partner is someone you may not have romantic or sexual feelings for anymore, but you're still living with them and you're still interacting with them on a level to which you would still be caring for each other and helping each other, but you weren't romantically or sexually involved yeah, that's not us, because, no, I can't say why on this camera, but you know why.

Speaker 1:

Uh, that would be a patreon or whatever exclusive. Oh yeah, we could do youtube memberships. Actually, I forgot about that. Yeah, that'd be an exclusive to that because, uh, that's on the other level of thing that I cannot talk about let's get into relationship anarchy. Okay, we got three minutes, so go.

Speaker 2:

A relationship structure that can be viewed as a kind of non-hierarchical polyamory, but more specifically applies to anarchist principles of self-determination and lack of state involvement to intimate relationships.

Speaker 1:

That shit sounds like a Mortal Kombat tower.

Speaker 2:

What.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like Shao kahn is at top, so that's the primary partner I'm gonna fuck that top.

Speaker 2:

No, that's hierarchical, non-hierarchical oh, okay um so then, nobody has any like titles or specifics, right, so it allows for the individual definition of each relationship without labels being applied, and a great deal of argument exists. Okay, so isn't that kind of any poly thing? So a lot of poly revolves around putting labels on relationships, which is why it's not quite considered poly, but it is at the same time, because they are having relationships with multiple people. They just don't have labels on it. So kind of like what we were doing at the beginning of our relationship or courting, where I didn't want to label on it. That would be considered relationship anarchy. We were still having those interactions, we just didn't have a label on it okay, but I still like the mortal kombat tower idea where that's hierarchical, though.

Speaker 2:

You gotta go down the tower. That's.

Speaker 1:

That's what you don't want I don't want, I'm just saying the funny idea of that, what it being as, just like. Just imagine just, uh, the primary part, doom, and you're like you know, you gotta go through each channel to get to the poly. Get to the primary part, you gotta fight. Oh, get to the primary part, you gotta fight. Oh, just just, just somebody make a skid of that. You know so I appreciate you anyway. Um, but uh, I think that's a good amount of stuff we can kind of talk about that, we can put a pin on this. Uh, I think next time we're gonna go over needs, wants, requirements.

Speaker 1:

We kind of talked a little bit about boundaries yeah, I feel like that'd be a perfect time to bring that up as the we.

Speaker 2:

We can go into the needs, wants and requirements, but we can also make it a dual duo episode where we go into creating boundaries within a relationship yeah, so, yeah, so the episode could be boundaries list, uh-huh, so um.

Speaker 1:

First off, I want to say, guys, if you've gotten this far in the video you haven't subscribed, please be sure to subscribe, like the video comment. Let us know what you're thinking about our podcast. So far, we're still growing with it. We're still trying to, you know, create the perfect format for you guys so we definitely appreciate you being here along on this journey with us. We about to say something.

Speaker 2:

Oh, just that. We're still trying to figure out how we're formatting everything. We're trying to figure out where, um, we're gonna be in the next couple of weeks or so yeah, in terms of we have guests.

Speaker 1:

We have guests coming soon, so yeah, okay we have a Bastique in their person.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that's right, they're coming down next week, and then we have Thug-Ass Chansey. Thug-ass Chansey. I have to laugh at that because Chansey's the sweetest person.

Speaker 1:

I could tell the story about that. As a matter of fact, I'll have them tell the story of how they got like as Chansey. And then we also have spooks and new key. They're also going to be here as well.

Speaker 1:

I know we have a couple other people, just different, different couples and different relationships and how they probably that's the biggest thing and I love this concept of being able to have those in person interviews and topics. So I'm looking forward to that. But again, guys, appreciate you on this journey and just kind of growing with us. But it's your boy, goro Masako.

Speaker 2:

Asani.

Speaker 1:

And this is your spoonful of polyamory and we look forward to seeing you next time. Peace of polyamory, and we look forward to seeing you next time. Peace.