Spoonful of Polyamory Podcast
Spoonful of Polyamory is your cozy seat at the kitchen table—where love is abundant, questions are welcome, and the tea is always hot. ☕💕
Hosted by a real-life polyamorous couple Goro (Itsthemazoku) and Asani, this podcast dives deep into the world of kitchen table polyamory, where connection, compassion, and open conversation take center stage. Whether you’re new to polyamory, exploring ethical non-monogamy, or just curious about what it all means, we’re here to help break it down one spoonful at a time.
Each episode, we explore real-life scenarios, explain key terms, and offer a safe, judgment-free space to reflect, learn, and laugh along the way. From relationship structures and communication tips to navigating jealousy and defining your own poly journey—we’re serving up authenticity, vulnerability, and plenty of love.
So pull up a chair. Everyone’s welcome at this table.
Spoonful of Polyamory Podcast
Ep. 3 Setting Boundaries | Spoonful of Polyamory Podcast
We explore the critical importance of setting boundaries in polyamorous relationships and share our personal experiences with establishing rules that work for our dynamic.
• Communication is the foundation of polyamory and essential for setting boundaries that prevent jealousy
• Creating a "needs, wants, and requirements" list helps clarify your relationship expectations and boundaries
• Requirements are non-negotiable aspects of relationships that warrant disengagement if not respected
• Establishing a secure foundation in your existing relationship before seeking new partners is crucial
• Setting boundaries about when to introduce new partners helps manage expectations and emotions
• Addressing problems immediately rather than letting them fester strengthens relationship communication
• Setting boundaries protects against insecurities and honors past traumas in relationships
• Creating space for individual decompression and alone time is an important boundary for many
• Boba dates provide a low-pressure way to meet potential partners without expectations
• The boundaries you set will evolve over time as your relationships and needs change
Make sure you write down your needs, wants, and requirements list. This will serve as your relationship cheat sheet and help you communicate your boundaries clearly with current and future partners.
🍽️ Welcome to the Spoonful of Polyamory Podcast 🥄❤️
Hosted by ItsTheMazoku and AsaniDragonscale, this show is your cozy seat at the kitchen table where we serve up real talk about polyamory, relationships, communication, and connection. Whether you're polyam-curious, seasoned in ethical non-monogamy, or just love good conversation—there’s a spoonful here for everyone.
We break down terms, explore real-life scenarios, and create a safe, affirming space to learn and laugh along the way.
🫖 Pull up a chair. Pour some tea. Let’s talk polyamory—together.
and welcome back guys. We are here. It is a spoonful of polyamory podcast. I am your boy, goro masaku I'm asani dragon scale but now, freaking, forget it all, right?
Speaker 1:um, so we're back again, guys. Thank you again for watching the last couple of episodes. Um, as we continue to. So we're back again, guys. Thank you again for watching the last couple of episodes as we continue to grow. We're just here to share our experiences in polyamory and share stories, and soon we will be having a couple of guests and we're excited about that. So, picking up from our last conversation last week, week we started going over boundaries, so today we wanted to kind of cater to that conversation and kind of pick up on what our boundaries are for our relationship and, um, what for those who are kind of new to polyamory, what you should probably do when it comes to setting boundaries, because that's a very big thing. A lot of people are not aware of that, but it's a very big thing for you to do so. So, first things first. Uh, you're gonna rock paper scissors on who goes first.
Speaker 1:I thought shoot. What are you doing? What we always do shoot I forgot that.
Speaker 2:Are you high?
Speaker 1:I'm just tired from last night all right, man, you ready to try this again?
Speaker 2:yes, one, two, three shoot one, two, three shoot one, two, three shoot one, two, three shoot all right, my streak is over, so that's you all righty, so um. Why don't we go over real quick why boundaries are so important?
Speaker 1:uh, okay, so boundaries are very important in polyamory, mainly because communication is the biggest part. Let's just talk about that first.
Speaker 2:Communication is the biggest part.
Speaker 1:But setting those boundaries and letting your partners know what those boundaries are helps things like jealousy from happening. It helps the idea of like cheating, would you agree?
Speaker 2:Yeah, kind of um, would you, would you agree? Yeah, kind of it keeps. Kind of keeps the the the bad um, like stereotypes that are attributed to poly. Like people aren't poly because they want to cheat, they're not poly because they want to do whatever the hell they want. If they want to go ahead and do that, they'll do that in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, regardless of what you are yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I think the biggest thing is definitely to work. It helps with communication. It helps prevent things like jealousy. It helps prevent those people who think that polyamory, yes, is something of that nature, but it's not. But it just helps you mentally overall. It helps your mental state overall and going into any relationship it's not even just polyamory, it's just any relationship setting boundaries is what you need to do. What you are or not okay with is important. So, um, with polyamory, it's a little bit, I guess you could say there's more extensive thought put into it.
Speaker 1:Yes, more extensive thought, because, well, this is supposed to be you talking, by the way, not me, but yeah okay, but I I posed a question okay, okay, I'll just make it sure, um, but yeah, what?
Speaker 2:what are? Boundaries to you and polyamory boundaries to me are stating what people are and aren't comfortable with.
Speaker 1:Did you look up a definition this time?
Speaker 2:No, I did not.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Because that should be a pretty clear thing on its own. So I think one of the most important boundaries that we have is we. We don't rag on each other in a negative way. We're not here to go after each other to be hurtful. If we rag on each other, it's literally just us playing around.
Speaker 1:Yeah, back and forth, yeah, playful banter, yeah, like anything we do, we shoot each other is always playful banner, and I know there's times I have to, you know, give you those reassurances like are you mad at me? And I'm like no I'm literally shooting the shit with you.
Speaker 2:So to clarify that. That is because in one of my previous relationships I literally could not tell the difference between us fighting and us like bantering back and forth.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, and that is definitely a big thing. You know, I try to make sure that if anytime we have those moments, I'm normally smiling because one of my biggest things is one of my biggest boundaries, actually, I will never yell. I will never yell at you for not doing a thing or something not happening. I will never yell. I will never yell at you for not doing a thing, for something not happening. I will never yell. I will.
Speaker 1:My pitch will rise for something I'm excited about or like if you're like what the you know, like you'll do that, but like I will never aggressively point at you and say what the you didn't do something, because that's just not me. I had one uh partner who anytime something didn't happen, they would yell at me and they would aggressively put this energy on me to the point where one time I actually just did it back because I just thought like if you yelling was trying to set the tone of the conversation and where it needed to go, and you felt like, hey, this is how we need to talk, okay, I'm, I'm gonna match you. So you could realize like what's the point of you yelling at me right now? Like what's the point? So, um, that became like my um boundary. I would never, never do it again. It brought something out of me I did not like and no, but again, not me supposed to be talking pose. Be you mother um.
Speaker 2:so one of the other big ones that we have is that if we have a problem with something, we say something, we immediately, we don't wait for it to bubble up and fester. There are times where me specifically, I'll take like a day or two to mull over why I'm upset over the situation, and then I'll be like, hey, can I talk to you about something that's been bugging me and we'll have a conversation, yeah, but I don't go. You know, this thing, you did really me up. I've done that, you have.
Speaker 1:But I don't do it in a way that is.
Speaker 2:You're not mean about it, you're lighthearted about it when you say something like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like, for example, I was talking to brandy about something that I was really interested in and I felt very, how we say, ashamed of what, like what. It was like hey, I'm like, I kind of like this thing, it's really cool. And then they kind of like poked fun at it and made jokes about it constantly and I was like, hey, yo, I'm expressing to you something that's new and I'm kind of like curious about like me being queer and kind of opening up to that, and not saying she was picking on me for being queer, but like you know, just certain things I was exploring and, um, like, like just poking fun, because that's all we do, we poke fun, we shoot the shit. But it was like this time was not the time to shoot the shit and so I was like, hey, yo, not a fan of it right now.
Speaker 1:You know, just just wasn't a good time. You should apologize, but it was just like it was something that was sensitive to me. That's what I was looking for.
Speaker 2:It was sensitive to me at the time and we're always so in the playful banter that they didn't realize that it was sensitive there you go yeah so one of the big ones that we have that we brought up last episode was the fact that we don't introduce each other to people that we're talking to until we think it's serious um, well, you, you met an individual yesterday and you know we're still in that phase of talking um, but it's a bit more.
Speaker 2:It's very casual right now, like it's very casual yeah, but it's a bit more um involved than most of the other conversations you've had with people.
Speaker 1:What do you mean?
Speaker 1:like you're more emotionally invested in that one um from yeah, I'm more, I'm more invested in their development and their growth as an individual.
Speaker 1:They are, um, like their. Their first relationship was a polyamorous relationship so, like seeing them develop and grow as an individual, that's what I'm more excited about. Um, but the one that I'm extremely excited about, which you know sadly they don't live here um, but I kind of told you about this one and I'm like, yeah, the, the playful banter is nice and um, like I've at least told you about them, I haven't like fully engaged with that because, like most of the people I hang out with are also probably we play mario kart with each other, which, by the way, if you want to play mario kart, uh, friend code here, um, but yeah, like that, that one's kind of like I really want that to grow before that happens, because I just kind of like how, when I was with, uh, my previous person in november, like you know, I didn't do anything in that nature to like a month right, like a month in the relationship and I was like finally I feel comfortable with exploring that with you, because not normally I'm like let's go.
Speaker 1:But I really wanted that to slow cook. As you know, we Southerners we love to slow cook Cause you know, the the slower the cook, the longer it is in the crock pot.
Speaker 2:That gets like the beef I have cooking right now.
Speaker 1:Yes, um, but yeah, overall, that is a big thing for us, is that we want to make sure, um, that one.
Speaker 2:I'm in the fucking shot but, two that uh before we am I not in the shot, or no, I'm in the shot.
Speaker 1:I'm just the way you was looking at shot. It was like if I wasn't in it. So I was like I was looking at you. Oh, I was confused. Um, but the the nature of making sure that we develop those relationships with those partners before we introduce them. Like I'm familiar with the uh, the gentleman you're talking to and understanding a little bit of their situation, but like I'm still learning about them, like I don't get too much information just yet. But, um, continuing on, because you always throw these things at me and then just I end up taking it over you explain them so well though.
Speaker 2:No, I'm very animated. That's the difference, okay okay, so people respond to that more.
Speaker 1:I am a pretty bitch. I'm a pretty bitch.
Speaker 2:Anyway, now you explain since you talked about that in particular, I forgot what we were explaining.
Speaker 1:We're explaining boundaries.
Speaker 2:No, I get that much I forgot which specific one we were talking about the talking to partners and introducing them. Okay, well, you kind of covered it all already.
Speaker 1:well, I mean, you kind of were specifying your previous relationship and why you kind of did that what do you? Mean like remember how that person would just say hey, we're, I'm talking to somebody, and then we'll give the complete specs and the next thing you know, they're doing the deed oh, okay, yeah, so one of my boundaries is I don't want to know about a partner unless it's serious, because, um, in one of my previous ones, they would constantly bring up that they were talking to someone new, and it would always be someone who wasn't the same person they brought up before.
Speaker 2:They would always be talking to someone new, and then that eventually made me feel really insecure, especially when we had had plans and they just kind of blew them off because they were too busy talking to this other person that they had just met.
Speaker 1:So I don't want to know about you talking or every single person that you talk to, because it makes me feel insecure and I would feel better about our relationship if we would wait until it's more serious before we bring people up do you still feel that way, knowing um, and not to kind of like toot my horn, like I'm some famous or whatever, but a lot of people hit me up and so that's either sometimes people fan boy or fangirling or something like that, but like I don't care about the fans.
Speaker 2:OK, that's what I'm saying, like, because I when you told me that you had a music career previously. I already knew I would. I didn't care.
Speaker 1:I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about like TikTok.
Speaker 2:No, I know that much, but you started your TikTok around the same time we started dating.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:No. Yes, the pandemic happened when I started Right the pandemic is when we started. Yes. No, we started dating in 2019. No 2020.
Speaker 2:No, no, remember. No 2020. No, no, remember, because I made you wait technically.
Speaker 1:Technically, we started hanging out at the beginning of but no, but remember you asked me out December and then went into. The next year was when no, that was prior.
Speaker 2:No, we started dating in 2020.
Speaker 1:I just realized we can't say what do you mean? You can't because apparently when you say it they the video immediately becomes a awareness video, so I have to censor it that's stupid, yes, that's really stupid. It is, but no remember we didn't. My relationship with him didn't break down until the beginning of quarantine wait because, no, when we were, when we were staying in that, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. But wait, no, no, no, no. Were we dealing with the pandemic when we moved into this house, like it wasn't as heavy right?
Speaker 2:no, we were dealing with it when we moved into austin okay, we're going too far into this.
Speaker 1:The time frame of when the pandemic happened continue on with the situation um the boundary of right.
Speaker 2:I don't care about fan girls or fan boys or fan NBs. Literally, I support you in what you do. I don't care who approaches you. It's how you handle it that I'm more concerned about um, and not to say I have any concerns right now. My, my, what I'm saying is that I don't care unless it bothers you oh, that reminds me of a previous scenario we can kind of brush upon.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, I normally handle it really well, um, depending on the scenario. And again, make sure y'all get somebody that uh actually supports what you're trying to do, because if you don't, this kind of makes all your goals kind of difficult. Um, but, uh, like that one time I was uh trying to help that one person and then they were like you're gonna help me because you're such a good young individual, and I was like yeah, that rubbed me the wrong way, yeah I was like I was doing it because you were hot, but I guess you could try to make it that it's not gonna work.
Speaker 1:And apparently I see you in the corner like okay, no, I wasn't that ready to go.
Speaker 2:You're over exaggerating that one. Come on, can I not like? I know I was salty about it because she was being disrespectful about it, but I wasn't like ready to fight someone, can I?
Speaker 1:can I fantasize my, my, my individual just being like let me go go. Let me go Like not really, but, like you know, it's just cute to think about you in a onesie, um, but anyway, uh, yeah, so with me, my only boundary, I guess I can, I guess I can kind of go into mine now my main boundary is for those. Now, I'm not going to go into too much in detail into this, but because of our lifestyle, there are certain things that I would not allow other individuals to do. Because of our relationship, because we have such a a deep connection to where I'm more so like I'm making sure I'm protecting you a lot like your emotions and your, your, your feelings, because you've been, you've dealt with a lot of shitty guys. No offense to to guys, but just like because of that, like just just to give a scenario and I don't care if they did a thing that time you told me about, uh, you was at checkers, I think, and that I was at wendy's wendy's okay, and he didn't ask me for my number.
Speaker 2:I asked him for his number because I thought he was cute, and then we started chatting and he immediately dove into like deep christian nothing. I have nothing against christian people. Um, if you're extreme about it, though, I don't want anything to do it to do with it um, I was more so talking about the simple fact.
Speaker 2:It was like, okay, individual, yeah, I think I would say you about to go on a date one time we were, we were setting up to go on a date and he never responded as to where he might want to meet up. And then he just kind of ghosted me and then texted me like two weeks later hey, sorry, and I totally forgot.
Speaker 1:It's like you totally forgot for two weeks oh, I could talk about another individual that did me some disney like that to me, but uh, it was more so like okay, I know there's a person that's present. Do they do? They know? I want to say do they know, Make sure you keep me aware of how it goes, because the minute they start throwing a red flag I'm like babe, do you see the red flag? Because I don't want to have to step in.
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't have rose tinted glasses anymore. I see the red flag.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying Because the last thing I want to hear is they did me dirty and I'm like now I'm about to grab my konobo and and smash my car and, uh, because I'm very protective of your emotions, I can care less what y'all do, but nobody's hurting your, your feelings. Again, that's not happening. Um, at least I mean, yeah, that one relationship we had where it was like a dear john text message like yeah, that hurt you, but I'm not gonna go after that person like that.
Speaker 1:At least communicated that, but you get it right?
Speaker 2:no, I I have total respect for people who, when they're in a relationship with someone long distance, actually go hey, I don't want to be in this anymore rather than just ghosting someone that's the biggest thing is when people ghost you, and that frustrates me because I'm like you're hottest, you're coolest.
Speaker 1:Why? The are you not engaging this person?
Speaker 1:what the fuck is wrong with you. So, um, you know what you one would think. Look at this person. Okay, matter of fact, that reminds me that one guy that was talking to you and was like, hey, we should go get ice cream, and then didn't meet up for ice cream, and then the mother sends you a text at 12 in the morning saying, hey, no, what had happened was he'd been trying to get me to meet up with him at his place and I told him I wasn't comfortable going to his place.
Speaker 2:He was like well, do you want to meet up for ice cream at Jeremiah's? And I was like, OK, we can do that. When do you want to meet up? And then he was like nothing. There was no communication afterwards, until 12 at night. It was like 12 at night yeah, that same day where he just said hey, and I'm like I'm not trying to be with a fuck boy.
Speaker 1:I wasn't aware that he was trying to push you to the house, bro.
Speaker 2:He was trying to either come over here or he was trying to get me to go over to his place.
Speaker 1:And I was like that, don't work, oh yeah, nah, not for. Or he was trying to get me to go over to his place and I was like that, don't work, oh yeah, no, not for our first meet, definitely not. See, I got a rule. That's another one of my boundaries the first meet, I gotta get that me and that person, I would get boba. I gotta know if you're crazy or not before you can come to my house. Now, gee, now it. It also depends, because I've had some scenarios where, um, the chemistry was just really cool and we all we did was like hang out and like chill, like they were like, oh, I'm in your area and I'm like, well, hey it, you know, we've been talking for like a while, so well, there's a difference between someone dropping in and planning for it yeah, yeah, but either way.
Speaker 1:Um, my rule of thumb when I'm talking to somebody on that level is I go on a boba date. Boba is the most nonchalant way of not having a date but having a date because it's like first off for those individuals who really care. If another person like, hey, I invited you out, I'm going to pay for it because I invited you out, uh, boba costs like five fucking dollars. If you can't pay both people's drinks it's kind of a problem. But, um, I figured I kind of keep that standard of like hey, I invited you out, I'll pay for the boba. If you don't turn out to be the person I thought you were in person, at least I had boba. That's kind of my rule of thumb with that.
Speaker 1:Boba tea kind of just knocks out all the bullshit, like okay, so they don't like this, all right, I'm out. But hey, this brown sugar, uh, boba tea's fucking slapping. You know, like that's. That's kind of how I think of it. A couple of my friends after I told them that they've kind of stole the routine and just said, yo, that's a really. Because it like think about, like the reason why I do it is because you know when you set up a date. Date like when you go on a dinner, you go to a movies, like there was a huge expectation now. Like, oh, because we went to dinner now we might have to go somewhere afterwards. So, oh, we went to the movie, you know that's.
Speaker 2:That's one of the things that irks me about dating nowadays is it's all quid pro quo, the fuck. You mean. It's like you, you have to put something in and they expect something out of it. Like if they, let's say, I go on a date with a guy and he pays for dinner, there is this expectation that I have to sleep with him.
Speaker 1:Now that that is what I hate about dating culture right now is that it's very much hookup culture and I'm not interested in it and that's kind of one of the reasons why I eliminate that by getting boba tea, because I don't want you to think you have to do anything like this is just two people going to a location and getting tea, like if you feel like I need to fuck you after going to a lounge that plays lo-fi and has, like you know, the sweetest vibes ever and you feel like maybe he wants to like yo, like come on now. It's just. It's like going to starbucks and getting coffee, like if you feel like you gotta screw after that.
Speaker 2:That's wild that's one of the reasons why I like to go to bookstores on my first dates I was about to say you trying to screw in a bookstore babe.
Speaker 1:No, I mean I got a bookworm very funny trying to put my ruler into your placement in your book placeholder that was so cringy.
Speaker 2:That was so cringy, but you love cringy. That's the kind of cringy I don't necessarily like.
Speaker 1:You watch what? What's that one show with the tanks? You watch that corny Tank.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that dumb. I mean like it's not dumb, but like it's corny. I like dad joke corny. I don't like sexual innuendo, corny.
Speaker 1:We do that all the time.
Speaker 2:You do this all the time. You do it all the time and I've brought up before that it's. That's just not my cup of tea, like I'll. I'll humor you, but I I won't, because you enjoy it. I won't like diss you about it or anything.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, we never diss each other about that shit, I know anyway, we are going completely off topic.
Speaker 2:Now.
Speaker 1:We're just being us, which is cool, but setting boundaries, the going back into, like the importance behind setting the boundary. For anybody that's new to polyamory, setting the boundary helps because for all those either one insecurities you may have, for post traumas that you may have, setting those boundaries helps alleviate all that from happening.
Speaker 1:And that's if you follow the boundaries that's if you follow you can't set the boundaries and then be like, oh, I'm just gonna disregard this I mean at that point, if that person does that, I mean it's time for you to leave anyway. But, like, if you're new in in, like I kind of said this in the last episode, I do not want to walk into the house and hearing this. I can care less if you two are fucking, I just don't want to hear it. Because it's something about sounds, like everything involving sounds for me, cause, like I don't know if it's a part of my ADHD or my autism or whatever it is, but sounds for me are everything Like how a sound effect is, how your voice or your tone could be to something like I catch on to all those things. So hearing certain sounds and the energy involving into that, like that matters to me more than anything.
Speaker 2:So when, when it comes to those things, like I don't want to hear certain sounds, uh, um, one of the rules we have for when we're out in public is we we don't tell each other's business to other people we don't like if we have a problem with each other and we haven't spoken to each other about it yet, we don't go out and complain to someone else about it oh no, we talked about that first before we kind of go back into us.
Speaker 1:Like we're talking about, like for those people who are new to poly, like setting those boundaries. So it's really it's a real good rule of thumb to utilize a, a list that I have created called needs, wants and requirements. What this list does is it sets boundaries, one for yourself and for any future partner who is going to engage with you. Think of needs, wants and requirements as kind of like your cheat sheet for anybody that's going to date you. So now, granted, the placement of need, wants and requirements is not in the order that I'm getting ready to tell you, but think of it like this requirement is an absolute must happen if that person is either not with it, that person doesn't accept it, if that person's not okay with that, disengage completely, just don't even get the fuck out.
Speaker 2:So, like a perfect example, we both know that any person that we talk to has to be poly if they're not disengaged well, I wouldn't say that they don't have to be poly, but they have to be okay with the fact that we are poly. But then at the same time.
Speaker 2:Like that, you kind of have to be that to understand that so there's a difference between being monogamous, being um non-monogamous non-monogamous and being polyamorous okay so non-monogamous I? I think that falls under the category of I don't necessarily have to have my partner be monogamous, but if I don't want to be non-monogamous or if I don't want to be polyamorous, I don't have to so basically you're saying, as long as the person is non-monogamous yes okay.
Speaker 1:Well then, still, if the person is not non-monogamous, disengage. That's pretty much our rule of thumb. But at the same time, like, say, those other things could be like, hey, if they're not, you know, respectable or at least an ally, or someone who's in lgbt community, or anything of those natures.
Speaker 2:If you're a bigot, you're. There's no way I'm talking to you again, that's part of your requirements.
Speaker 1:But like though, whatever, whatever those things are, you write them down and you stick to them. Because the minute you start talking to somebody and you start realizing like, okay, I require someone who has open communication, I require somebody you know, um, to understand and at least communicate and like kind of respect my past traumas, whatever that could be, make sure you have that for yourself. And then, once you start kind of asking those questions down the road I like to do when I'm on my, on my dates, on my boba dates, I'll be like, hey, when you're looking for a partner, uh, what are kind of your needs and wants and requirements in your relationships? And I'm like I honestly I don't know. Okay, cool, I do. So let me pull my now, pull out my little list and I'll kind of talk about them.
Speaker 1:Like one of them I think I talked about in, uh, I think maybe the first or second episode that a minimum requirement once a day is a requirement for me. If you can't give me that, I don't think that's going to work, because I'm very much of an individual who needs to make sure you're OK, you're, you know, at least throughout the day, or something like that, that you're OK. So that's one of mine. Do you kind of remember one of yours?
Speaker 2:um, one of my requirements is that you have to be okay with me having animals. I I am the kind of I love my animals.
Speaker 1:I am not the kind of person who would probably ever go without an animal, unless I'm in a mourning period for the animal that I had just lost chichi well, but I already have the other three yeah, that's what I'm saying, you know, like that's an example, but um, look y'all, I am an animal person but I just yeah, I like owning them. I love seeing them like oh, that's your dog, oh yeah, but like owning it. It's very hard for me. So when I say I had to fight with the idea of like, all right, I love this person, but they have four dogs, it was three dogs, it was three dogs at the time, three dogs well no, no it was four until that one incident, and then it was three.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, well, either way, there's a lot of dogs and you know, like I said before, I was like ah this person is totally worth it.
Speaker 2:I will deal, and complage so after a while.
Speaker 1:You know Bear's, my favorite Bear's, my favorite bear's. My favorite is is addy is she's starting to become the next chichi? Addy is my baby don't talk about she's starting to get old and cranky like she's like five or six years old.
Speaker 2:For a big dog, that's a decent that's a mature age.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what I'm saying she's. She's cranky now.
Speaker 2:She won't go outside unless you take her out, that's because she's mad that I'm not home, exactly so she's cranky. But yeah, that's what I'm saying. She's cranky now. She won't go outside unless you take her out.
Speaker 1:That's because she's mad that I'm not home. Exactly so she's cranky, but Gengar, that's like a five-year-old just running around with a firecracker in his hand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:Either way, that's one of your requirements. And then when you kind of go into the area of needs, say into the area of needs, say you are now in that point of you are dating. The needs are when you talk about, like the progression of relationship, like if we're going to now date, these are the things I need to have to progress the relationship. So one of my needs is that I need to have you explain to me like one thing that you learned throughout the week. It could be like hey, I learned about this really cool thing I saw in this article and did you know that, like, turtles can actually swim in certain sludge? Like something, like something random, but it's something that was intriguing enough to you to explain it to me in an enthusiastic and passionate way because it's important to you and I feel like with this it helps for relationships that have been going on for like what?
Speaker 1:Maybe 10 plus, maybe five plus years. You kind of go into that autopilot mode and to kind of prevent yourself from going into that autopilot mode, it's really beneficial to learn something about your person. If not maybe once a week, once a month, no matter what, like nobody wants to go to dinner and say you know how was work, you know, just like something new, you know. So those are one of my needs. Do you remember one of your needs?
Speaker 2:I need someone who's willing to grow as a person define that so say, you get into a relationship with someone and you're both very immature at that point in time. If you are able to work on yourself as a person and they are able to support you or even grow with you, or even without you doing their own thing, that is a need. I need to have someone who is willing to grow, to work on themselves, to better themselves.
Speaker 1:I don't want to be stuck in a stagnant relationship I don't think there's not one person that wants that, but it is a good rule of thumb to have that like hey, like there needs to be progression within each other, whether if it's mental, physical, you know financial well, not necessarily financial. Uh, you, growth in company or career, you know just some kind of growth in the person. Because, yeah, the way I was when we first met is totally not the same fucking dude, totally not the same fucking dude.
Speaker 2:I want to say if the person you're with does not support you growing and bettering yourself and changing, it's not the right relationship Lead it Anyway.
Speaker 1:But yeah, so need is the progression that you have now in a relationship and then you have your wants. So your wants are like things that you would want to do with this person. It doesn't have to happen, but these are like the little sprinkles of like you'd be nice, you know. So, like a want for me. Um, what was one of my ones, um someone who plays video games I wouldn't say necessarily, it's a one you okay, no, it is a one.
Speaker 2:It's not one you've necessarily recognized very much because play games with me right, that's what I'm saying. Okay, someone who plays video games with you, it could be any game.
Speaker 1:I don't give a fuck like we started playing mario kart more recently, you know, and uh, fuck you and mario party fucking as they say.
Speaker 2:Mario party could be the game that breaks friendships definitely gonna break us, but it makes me want to um mario party is the uh monopoly of the 21st century yes, actually, yes, I will agree.
Speaker 1:Um, but yes, so I guess you could say that's. I was actually thinking of a specific want, but since you brought that up, I mean, hey, this is the good thing about when you know your partner. You know what they need, so you'll pinpoint those things. So what is one of your ones?
Speaker 2:um, I want someone who is willing to watch horror movies with me.
Speaker 1:We watched.
Speaker 2:Halloween. I'm not saying, you're not.
Speaker 1:I was about to say mother.
Speaker 2:As a general rule, I want someone, or, yeah, I want someone who enjoys doing things with me.
Speaker 1:I like slashers man. I don't like psychological horror. It's annoying I kind of like psycho horror yeah, but I I very much prefer the body horror I prefer me some ghost face, some chucky, some uh, michael myers not a big fan of thrillers yeah, no, not thrillers, it's just. Like, I will say, the phenomenon of those Webcam horror movies like Friend Me or something like that. You know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2:Like the.
Speaker 1:Unfriended, something like that, you know what I'm talking about Unfriended.
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, that one.
Speaker 1:I can't get behind any of those Because it's like you know this is fabricated Like come on.
Speaker 2:Okay, but the quality of those was pretty good. I mean yeah, because you have everything behind. Okay, no, for what they were working with for the premises of the film. It was a pretty good film.
Speaker 1:I'll agree, disagree. Anyway, going back into you, you know the nature of needs, wants, requirements. Think of needs, wants and requirements like ice cream cone now the cone is required, or the bottom. Whatever the cup, whatever the fuck is ice cream is required because cone can be exchanged for a cup but I would say you really you need a base regardless to have the, because I mean, are you just gonna have ice cream in your mouth?
Speaker 2:what about ice cream sandwiches? Okay, how about this? How?
Speaker 1:about this all right ice cream is the requirement. The need will be the cone or the cup, yes, whatever. Whatever your requirement is the ice cream, your need is the cone. Your wants can be like the jimmies, or whatever it makes the ice cream specialty. It could be cookies, it could be chocolate, whatever. But you know you're not always going to have them.
Speaker 2:But sometimes you want them.
Speaker 1:Uh, I just kind of went on out with the fly and then they kind of uh altered that for me, but that's okay either way. Um, getting back into um, the, the reason behind needs, wants and requirements was because, like I said before, it does help set those boundaries for yourself. It helps set boundaries for your partners in the future. So if you're like, hey, these are my needs, wants and requirements, that person now has literally the cheat sheet for you as a person and you know all the things you need to have a relationship. If you tell them this list, and granted, we don't expect you to remember everything. But if you tell them this list and as they're going down to that list and they're like, yeah, I can't do that, depending on the level of where you have it at, you have the right to disengage or engage. That's all I'm saying. It helps because I know some people what they like to do is like I don't like to tell everybody everything, because then you know they'll probably walk out honestly might be best, because why?
Speaker 2:they walk out because of something stupid they weren't interested in you as a person well, it's to me it's like holding a grenade and you took the pin out.
Speaker 1:All right, and you know that sometimes some people may react to this thing. Whether it could be, it could be sexual history, it could be trauma-based history, because of mental health mental health.
Speaker 1:Whatever the case may be, if you feel like that is something that is going to set off the grenade and that person may react a certain way, let it out and see how they react, because if you're trying to find life partners, I truly feel that. But you know, some people feel like their trauma is something that you really want to wait a long time for. How you date is how you date. But, like I know with me, anything that I go through I tell everybody straight up, so that way you have no reason in the future to say, hey, I didn't know that, no, I didn't expect that. Oh, a perfect way I like to see about this is think of Spider-Man 2, when Mary mary jane knew peter parker was spider-man and she was like I'm totally here for you, I'm here to support you. And then suddenly she knows he's spider-man and knows that he has to go out, save new york all the fucking time.
Speaker 1:And she was like I didn't know this was gonna be full fucking time, bro superheroes don't sleep yeah, but what I'm saying is you have that information and you are like suddenly, oh, I didn't expect it to be like that. But, um, I mean it's open for debate. If you guys in the comments feel like you know some of those things that you kind of keep close to the hip, if you don't feel like letting it out, kind of explain why, you could say like, hey, maybe it's a little bit too personal for me, maybe because I don't feel like I don't want to let that person run away, let me know, because I know everybody else is different. I don't like to speak on behalf of everybody. I just kind of like to speak on my experiences and what I like doing, so that way nobody ever feels blindsided.
Speaker 1:Um, I just had to ask that question anyway and go, so I had to cut something out. But, uh, just certain things in general. You know we don't like that and everybody know. Do you feel comfortable with, um, kind of letting those things out immediately or do you wait, kind of? You know?
Speaker 2:um, for the most part, I tell people about it. Um, like, for example, I have severe chronic depression. Um, I do have generalized anxiety and I do have adhd and I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere on the autism scale. I'm very open and honest with that. If that scares someone off, it wasn't meant, wasn't meant to be. I guess it also serves as like a maturity meter. Like if you, if I tell someone this and they want to take a couple of days to like, think about it and go over with themselves whether they're OK with it or not, that's something different. But if they're like, oh, I can't do that without a thought, without any consideration, like, I respect that you're up front with the fact that you don't want to deal with it, but it also shows a level of immaturity.
Speaker 1:I mean, that is a good way of thinking that Like or taking that and anytime you're like kind of engaged with anybody, but overall, just for anybody that's new to being Paula, like in a polyamorous relationship, it is very important to set your boundaries. That's the first thing you want to do, whether, if you're sitting down and saying, hey, I'm not OK with this, I'm OK with that, no matter what, you need to do it before you start engaging anyone else. I honestly suggest because this is kind of what we did we made sure we were good before we started seeking out other people right.
Speaker 2:We worked on ourselves before, like we worked on our relationship and how we interact with each other and what we do with each other and how we handle certain situations, before we even considered talking to other people yeah, like I think we dated maybe like that went on for a good year yeah, like a year at least before we even, but even with that when we were, we weren't doing it separately.
Speaker 1:These were people that were coming to us like wanting both of us so I think that was a little bit of both well, if you're talking about that individual that wanted the same exact relationship me and you had kind of, but, like in general, we had people approaching us for either side of that yeah, but I think you're saying it was like a year down before that happened, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, so we. As a general rule, I don't like to start new relationships until I've been with the person that I'm talking to for at least six months that is still growing right if you're not able to grow your relationship.
Speaker 1:If you're not secure in your relationship with someone, you shouldn't be talking to other people yeah, like we know, hands down, ain't going on over here with us like there's no fault. Over here, there's no like, oh, I'm done with you tomorrow. Like we here, all right, the only way I'm going is if I'm going, all right, that's just how it is. But we set that standard for our relationship before we started doing anything else. And I feel like for anybody else, and that's just to me our success rate for our relationship, it's really good to make sure you two are good before if you're good with anybody else. That's just. I would say that's a good suggestion, really good suggestion, because the thing about new relationship energy, it's a lot like that scene in Toy Story and I tell this to everybody when Andy was so about Woody, it was everything woody, woody, woody, woody, woody.
Speaker 1:When buzz came in, he still played with woody, but not like how he played with buzz. And that happens buzz became the new hot, new hotness. It's like getting a brand new toy. You still play with the other stuff, but this one's important right now. And in that same stigma of like how Toy Story 2 and Toy Story 3 now, like Woody and Buzz, are now the same equivalent, I think when we started in Toy Story 2, they're not best friends Like Andy's playing with both of them at the same time and treating them like they're both the same people. So it's just really weird to see it like that, because I always explain that to people and they're like, are you saying I'm a fucking toy? Like no, what I'm saying is new relationship. Energy is like getting a new toy. You know you're hot, you're excited about it, you're hype about it and you just put that on your mic no, I put it on me okay, just making sure it wasn't picking up like that, um, but uh, it's really.
Speaker 1:It's really a thing. New relationship energy is really like getting a new toy, no matter what it is. But yes, it's a good rule of thumb to at least be in those relationships for almost like you can do as long as you want to.
Speaker 2:We just did a year general rule of thumb until you are securing your, your newest relationship, don't talk to other people yeah, because a lot of people like to cowpoke and that's not what you want you don't want that. You don't want that, you don't want that.
Speaker 1:So um like say for anybody I'm currently talking to if I, you know, fully go into a relationship with them. I would kindly let the other people know like hey, I'm maybe devoting a lot of my energy into this.
Speaker 1:Respectfully, just let them know, like what's going on so that way they don't feel like well, you kind of just fell off now like no, I'm just spending a lot of time with this individual. That's just kind of what I do. I mean, shoot, when I was in that last relationship, that's all we did was hang out, that's all we did. There was like three to four days they were just here just rocking it and it was to the point where I was like uh, the person they were living with was like are you coming home?
Speaker 1:yeah, like you're here every day and it's like, yeah, man, we just kicking it, you know, so, um, happens. But setting those boundaries for your relationships immediately. First thing to, before you start engaging with other people, make sure your relationship is secure first, and what will we say is another thing. Oh yeah, create your needs once, a requirement list. Do that. I challenge all of you to do that. I'll even post mine in the description so that way you can see it for yourself. Um, just so you can have an example. But make sure you quote me on that, because this is on the internet now and this is the source. So got that for me. Um, but yeah, so setting the boundaries for your relationship.
Speaker 2:What do you?
Speaker 1:think people, after couples set their boundaries, do their list and, you know, make sure they're good. What do you think is next? Do you think they just keep rocking it? Keep doing your thing. You think they just keep rocking?
Speaker 2:it. Keep doing your thing. If there's problems that are brought up because you made your list, you should talk to your partner about them. You don't sit there and go oh well, this is one of my needs and you're not meeting it. Have a discussion about it instead of just breaking things off right away. If there's no way that this person is able to meet that need or that requirement, then maybe the relationship isn't as good as you thought it was I would say on the level of importance, because if it's a need, right, you know.
Speaker 1:If it's a requirement, we got a problem. But um, yeah, no, you have a point making sure you kind of go over those things and you know your needs and your wants and your requirements are always going to change throughout the year. So you know, that's why I always tell people put a note in your phone, make it a list, because if you start realizing like you know what, I think I'm gonna start requiring this, if I'm gonna engage with people.
Speaker 2:I have my needs, wants and requirements and my notes on my phone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I made you do that shit. So that way you know you're like. You know what I remember Mystique was telling me about, and I'm not gonna go too detailed in this. It was telling me like once I did my first class of teaching about it. They sat there and and it was like the person they were dating at the moment was like this don't do none of these.
Speaker 1:Hey, yo, I'm gonna have to and they're probably gonna talk about it when they get here, but they were just like this. I could do none of these things. Hell, no, what the hell am I doing? So, uh, it was super funny. I was like, damn, she's like. She's like your needs, wants, requirements, made me break up because I have to sit there and think like, yeah, this motherfucker doing this. So it was funny, um, but yeah, what do you think we should talk about next week? Because now we have brought up, uh, for those people who are kind of new, setting up the boundaries, um, establishing your relationship first, even making your own needs, wants and requirements list.
Speaker 2:So even if you're not in a relationship, you should make a needs, wants and requirements list yeah, it's again. It's good to, unless you're still in that phase of just going out and having fun and not really necessarily looking for relationships there's nothing wrong with having the list, even though if you're doing that, like you can go out and have fun and like do whatever you want but having that list as a reference for when you are ready to settle down, yeah but what?
Speaker 1:that's what I was about to say, like the the need to bring it out if you're just going out there to have fun you don't really need it's when you obviously are trying to find those partners like yawning on me bro I told you I was very tired from last night.
Speaker 2:Yes, I am, because we were up until three in the morning.
Speaker 1:No, I wasn't, we was up to like one. No, we were up, we, we went, we went to the show we got.
Speaker 2:We got food, we came home, we kind of each did our own little thing for a while, and then we went to bed I went.
Speaker 1:You went to bed quick, so I don't know what you're talking about, bro. You was gone immediately. We was watching that uh video and all of a sudden you were just like this video is nice no, you were.
Speaker 2:You were watching something and I was listening to it just because I wasn't actively engaging with it doesn't mean I wasn't paying attention yeah.
Speaker 1:Then we went to the bed and I started watching it. You just went straight to sleep. Yeah, yeah, you know why? Because I was like, oh, you're not going to sit up here and watch it. And I turned the bed into sleep mode and I went to sleep Because, remember, it was reclined up. The bed was reclined up and you sat on your side. I said, oh, regardless, I'm still very tired from last night.
Speaker 1:That was a fun show, though yeah, we ain't going to talk about it. If you want to, I might. You know what. I'm going to make a blog. I'm going to make a blog in the future. I've been talking about it kind of blogging some of the things we do, because I know with social media couples, everybody likes to see how are they? Like when the camera's off, how are they like? I'll see about that, not revealing too much, but like I don't video you much Because you got a fucking Android.
Speaker 2:You don't video you much Because you got a fucking Android.
Speaker 1:You don't need to. It needs to be the iPhone.
Speaker 2:I don't like iPhones.
Speaker 1:You can't touch one anyway. You're allergic to apples. Yeah, yeah, so only I.
Speaker 2:That's why Matter of fact, you shouldn't even be able to breathe right now. My iPhone is looking at you right now. Okay, smart ass.
Speaker 1:Like how are you fathoming right now? Like how are you existing um? No, what I was saying was I don't video you that often because you don't like having your picture taken randomly no, you like doing that when I'm driving and you're like I want to take a photo of you and I'm like, simply, just like this. And I'm like, bro, that's the weirdest photo.
Speaker 1:I love those candid shots but it's like, bro, I'm like so because you know I mean mug when I drive, so I'm like, and so you're just like and I'm like me mugging like in the seat. So I remember you put that in your profile on like one of the dating sites and I'm like, babe, this makes me look like an asshole, like I'm some mean prick.
Speaker 2:No, it just means you're focused on what you're doing. But I do that a lot.
Speaker 1:I focus on it too hard. Man like my, my like and this is a it's a thing that uh asani does sometimes where they'll come over here, come over to me while I'm working on something like maybe I might be working or something like that, and they'll just like want to hug and I'm like, I'm like working on this thing, we've had a discussion over this recently.
Speaker 1:I know, I know it was just like it's. It's really funny because those are the things that you do and like I know why you do it, but I'm just like I have to sometimes realize I stop like.
Speaker 2:If no, you don't like, so you don't have to reciprocate it.
Speaker 1:I just want to give you affection you do if it, if it bothers you it never let me know and I'll stop it's it never bothers me, it's just I guess it's my brain that's like so focused on the task. I don't know what part of me is that, whether if it's like my autism or whatever the case may be, but I do have those moments where I'm like I just don't want to be touched, bro, I'm focused.
Speaker 2:But then I realized I'm like do you feel guilty when you don't reciprocate?
Speaker 1:I feel guilty when I don't give you the same affection back. So like when you, when you come over and you're like, like you want to kiss, and I know you want to kiss, but then I'll shift my cheek because I know you want to give me the, the multiples, and I'm like not on, like just give me the pack, get your packs all right let's go so like. I know that's your thing and I notice it every time I do it like okay, you're coming in for the kiss.
Speaker 1:I move the cheek because that's what you want all right so I I kind of noticed those things and, um, you know what that could be the next episode, noticing those quirky things about your partner okay yeah, I mean I can't really say like that has to be involved technically with polyamory, but like matter of fact, yes, because you can talk about the things that are different from your partners, that you noticed, so like.
Speaker 2:I like being able to brag about my partners like just in general, like when they do something cute or when, like One of my things for when you have a metamor is, I love when I am able to sit there and just gush about you with them.
Speaker 1:Elaborate so.
Speaker 2:I like to support my partners and I like to brag about them and I like to talk with people about my partners in a positive way you know what I'm saying like, give me an example. That's what I meant give me an example not elaborate um so, like with C, we would sit there and be like, oh, he's so handsome, and you'd sit there and you'd be like, no f***, I'm not oh yeah, that kind of stuff, yeah, yeah, yeah or like, like. Isn't he just so great.
Speaker 1:Yes, no, no no, no, like when you always be like. You know, I appreciate you and I'm like I don't do shit which is a fucking lie that I'm just saying like literally, it's literally in that sequence. They'll be like I appreciate you and I'll be like I don't do it because I just don't feel like I don't do shit. Because I just don't feel like I do shit, I do what I'm supposed to do as a partner.
Speaker 2:You don't take compliments.
Speaker 1:I don't. Literally, I have a lot of people say that you're hot and then outside of the people who are telling me those comments on my IG and I know those are bull but whenever somebody gives me a compliment like you're hot or like you're adorable or whatever, I'm like, no, um, and it's not like an insecure thing, it's just I always feel like I can do better. I can always be better. So the version of me they see right now and they say like, hey, you're hot or whatever, whatever I'm like, but I could be better, I could do better. And I don't know if that was me and being immersed in japanese culture because you know that's a big thing they do is they always feel like they're very humble very humble and learning a lot about their culture growing up.
Speaker 1:It's kind of one of those things like I kind of push it on myself and I.
Speaker 2:So let me put it this way and people are gonna give me about this I want to be able to simp over my partner what's wrong with that?
Speaker 1:I simp over you all the time, like last night when we took those photos. We're like god fucking asani's hot as, and I'm just like you know you're gonna have to post.
Speaker 2:One took those photos. We were like god damn fucking Asani's hot as shit and I'm just like me. You know you're going to have to post one of those photos now with the video.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, no problem, matter of fact, I just put it up right here, put the photo right here, but yeah you look at you and I'm like oh man, hi, I mean, you're wearing black lipstick, so you automatically just have my attention.
Speaker 2:You see, that makes me feel good about myself, because I was feeling very unattractive yesterday, which is why I switched my outfit before we left.
Speaker 1:I mean, your second outfit was, you know, definitely very fitting for where we were going it was.
Speaker 2:but I liked the dress I was wearing before, and then I saw myself in the mirror and I was like I don't really like that very much anymore. I don't like me very much at times and my partner being able to handle that not really handle it, but like accept that there are days where I don't feel as good as they think I am that is something that I absolutely love in a partner.
Speaker 1:We are very photogenic as a couple. That's what I feel like we are Like. I will brag about that way. We take a photo good. We take a photo real good, and whether it's us being. You know, I remember the post I did where I was like, oh, look at our eyes and the horns. I was like ha ha, ha, we both have it, Ha, and I zoomed in and shit. So like I love those moments.
Speaker 1:We could do that because those eyes weren't very flattering on me they were nice on you, but they look demonic on me, which I love. Um, the fucking demon that I am, um, but yeah, I, I will say we, we definitely take good photos, and that's the one thing I'm trying to get more into, because I know you love doing your little photos and stuff like that. But, like I told myself, I was like, yeah, we need, we need captures, and I'm terrible at capturing moments. I'm terrible at it. I'm to the point where I was so bad at it that I'll be like I want to keep the memory here right. But then I realized, when I look back and I start looking at photos it that I'll be like I want to keep the memory here right.
Speaker 1:But then I realized, when I look back and I started looking at photos of us, I'm like, wow, this photo was from like six months ago. This photo was like a year ago. And I'm like, damn, we don't take no fucking photos, man. So I was like, all right, I gotta change that. So when we go out, I gotta change that. It's like we went to improv and then we went to that. You Just trying to take photos and take those memories with us.
Speaker 2:I'm glad I got a keychain from that. I still have the keychain from when we went to the fairgrounds when we first started dating.
Speaker 1:When I used to wear fitted hats. I don't wear not single one fucking hat.
Speaker 2:I still have the photo in the keychain that we got from that time. It hangs on my wallet. Do we still got the Biggie, the keychain that we got from that time? It's?
Speaker 1:it hangs on my wallet do we still got the biggie smalls one with me like the paper?
Speaker 2:somewhere, somewhere they do.
Speaker 1:We broke the glass on that yeah, dude drew me and he made me look like biggie smalls and I was like this is an honor, but also fuck you because, like you're, saying you know I chunky, which is true but fuck you what else? Oh, so, like how, the proposal video that I made for us?
Speaker 2:That was such a difficult thing for me Because I was like looking at the video idea and the concept, so I take more photos than you do. Yeah, but a lot of the photos that I take are of us together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which helped than you do. Yeah, but a lot of the photos that I take are of us together, yeah, which which helped, you know. And then I remember I started taking videos before and you were just like what are you taking a video for?
Speaker 2:like nothing, just taking a video sharing no, honestly when like the one video that you took that you put in there um where I was playing on the computer oh, I was talking about the one with the car well, no, I get that, but nine times out of ten, when you're taking videos, I think you're taking photos, so I'll stick my my tongue out at you oh yeah, because you know that's you.
Speaker 1:Um, but yeah, no, like, like when we used to go to the beach and take photos like that. We just I think we haven't been to the beach in forever. Well, when Mystique and them come, we're supposed to go on the Saturday before our event. I don't know if you want to do that, because I don't know if you're going to be exerted out of energy.
Speaker 2:So as long as I'm up early enough to go do the dogs that I need to do, and then we can go to the beach and to go do the dogs that I need to do, and then we can go to the beach and then I can go do the dogs again when we get back and then we can do our event.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, I figured you, y'all, y'all gonna be needing naps.
Speaker 2:I don't need no nap oh yeah, I'm gonna need a nap, but like there's y'all lane stuff beforehand y'all lane, bro need an absence, though take some caffeine exhaustion is not a freaking joke take, take some, look man, look, you got the beach. Put some sunscreen I'm a I'm german. I literally sweat all the freaking time. I get exhausted really easily in the heat man.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, because it's cold over there in germany, right yeah, and there's limited sun exposure. Well, welcome to Florida, motherfucker.
Speaker 2:I've been here over 10 years and I'm still not used to it, and you're still struggling.
Speaker 1:I go sit in a sauna after a workout and barely sweat, like really it's weird that tells you how much genetics have a play in how people react to heat and stuff yeah, man, I really need to sweat more anyway.
Speaker 1:Um, besides the point, sharing memories, finding those quirky things about your partners and, you know, gushing about your partner, making sure you, you do those things I feel like you know how to try to find the best way to word what we should call the episode like not gushing over your partner, but like um partner quips or courts or something no, I well, I think we should just do our favorite things about our partners oh, that's all my favorite things.
Speaker 1:How about that? We make it like the theme of it. These are all of my favorite things.
Speaker 2:You know what's on top right, yeah, from the sound of music, yeah, yeah yeah, so kind of make it like that these are all my favorite things.
Speaker 1:Um, do you even know what yours are about me? Yeah, I'm trying to. I mean, I know yours, but I'm trying to brag about you all the time.
Speaker 1:How about this, how about this, how about this? We write down what we think the other one brags about each other. Like, what do you normally brag about? When you say me, like, think of what I normally tell people about you when I brag, I want you to write them down. And then when we come back, we're gonna say, like, okay, what are? What are those things that you brag about with your partner? And I'll give how about this? Well, just to give an example, I always talk about with my job. I always talk about the fact that you have a bacon degree and I always talk about, like your, your previous history and how you love cook. You love you love baking, but not as much. But like you throw down when you need to like, I'll bring that up, especially for my line of work currently, anytime I'm talking to somebody about that I I like talking about how much you love.
Speaker 2:you love doing your job, you job. You love reaching out to people and talking to them about things Like, for example, when you were doing outreach for your previous job.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I loved every second of that. I miss it to this day.
Speaker 2:You find something to love about your work situation, regardless of what you're doing.
Speaker 1:You got to because if you don't, you're going to hate your job and you're going to hate whatever you do. Like, yeah, we know, at the end of the day you are doing the thing to make money. But if you hate it to the point where you can't even get up and you can't find some kind of joy out of it, you don't need to be doing that, no matter how much money it is. Like with the current thing that I'm doing, I enjoy. I think the main thing I enjoy is that they are not really big on micromanagement. They let you, they let you run your business this is your business, you run your business.
Speaker 1:And I love that, because every other time I was in this kind of role they would be like do this, do that? No, they let you be yourself, they let you be your person. And it took me a while to get out of that mindset, because I've had so many times where I've been super micromanaged and people all on my neck to where it's like no, do your thing, bro, we trust your business. And I'm like are y'all serious? Is that really how it is over here? Stop playing like I have to reassure. Every time when I ask my boss, I'm like are you, are you sure? Because I just I don't know, and I'm one of those people. I'm one of those people that I live off absolutes. I need to know absolutely. If I do this thing, there's not a problem and I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. Okay, I'll do it. See, that's the one thing you brag about.
Speaker 2:That's one of the big ones that I brag about, that's out of all the things in today's day and age like look.
Speaker 1:That's one of the things that I admire about you now I'm really curious about this man like well, you'll just have to wait till next week. No, like that's, that's the exciting part about it, because, like right now, like I enjoy these conversations we get to have, because, like we don't generally sit down and talk, talk, so these are our opportunities to talk, talk and I was to be fair.
Speaker 2:Our jobs are very, um, socially taxing, yeah, so it requires a long downtime, a long decompression, which I have no problem with. That yeah and I appreciate that you respect the fact that there are some days where I come home and I just I don't want to talk. Yeah, I don't want to do anything.
Speaker 1:I don't want to talk, I don't want to cook, I don't want to clean I just want to be able to have a good time, maybe play a game, and or I may just want to watch a series and just vibe, you know, um, but regardless, yeah, that's kind of like weird. I think that's another one of my things I'm starting to realize with myself is you know individuals that are extremely attention seeking. I'm very much so used to how our relationship is, even with the previous relationship we had. We all can sit in the same room and exist without. Can you hold me, can you touch me, like you know that kind of stuff, like you know that kind of stuff, and I understand there are moments for it, but I enjoy the fact that you can exist without needing me on all the time, you know so, um well, let's save the rest of that for next week, because right now we're not right now, we're just shooting.
Speaker 1:This is like extra content for these motherfuckers at this point. Um, so, yeah, write your little list and, matter of fact, I would love to see everybody else do this. Like, sit down with your person if you watch this episode. Sit down with your person, say, I want you to write down all the things that you brag about people with. Like, what do you think?
Speaker 2:I should. We should let mystique know about this, since they're gonna be here for that episode.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, no, we're gonna. Probably we're gonna do two episodes with them. We're gonna do an episode of them talking about, like just them and polyamory what it? Means to them and then we can do that. We can include them in that too, but I kinda wanna get spooks and nuki to do it too. I feel like this can be.
Speaker 2:This can be like something that we do with it could be a series uh-huh, there we go, man see, this is why.
Speaker 1:This is why I didn't turn off the camera yet, because this is like, yeah, we're still rocking, but like we're also thinking of stuff that we can contribute into the conversation of what is our podcast, what are we doing here?
Speaker 2:um can I just say I love listening to people when they when they brag about their partners. That's like something I love doing, like when someone has something good to say about their partners, because there's so many people who sit there and talk shit about their partners, I'm not gonna cap when it comes to most people that are non monogamous or poly.
Speaker 1:Most of the time the things I hear they bragging about is always sexual. It's always sexual, bro. I've always heard, like a good friend of mine that lives up like two hours away from here, you know we were hanging out and you know the the bragging was like, you know, you see that ass right, and I'm like, yeah, I see that ass. It's like, yeah, you see their chest. It's like, yeah, it's quite big. I see it like come on.
Speaker 1:Like so, oh man, but like it's nothing wrong with me, like sometimes you know being able to brag and say, like my person's hot, like that's a way of bragging, but like the other things, you know the other I I want to hear about someone brag about how good their, their person, can cook, like that's the kind of stuff that I want to listen to, like how good are they at what they do I still believe between me and you, you are the better cook I'm more adventurous with my cooking that's why I say you're the better cook, because you you are one who already understands seasonings and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Like I understand seasonings, too.
Speaker 2:Yes, I am the rare white person who knows how to season their food.
Speaker 1:Your face right now because I was not expecting you to get like realist two seconds um yeah, adobo is not spicy for them, people, I mean even though spice is still spicy for them.
Speaker 2:But yeah, um just because I don't like too much pepper in my food doesn't mean I can't handle.
Speaker 1:Anyway, because you know, if I'm not sneezing it ain't season To be fair.
Speaker 2:I do put extra spice in your portion.
Speaker 1:Yeah, damn right you do.
Speaker 2:But sometimes you take a little kick. Sometimes you take a little kick If I'm making my chili.
Speaker 1:Yes, what were we talking about? We were talking about bragging.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, feeling who's the better cook? It's totally, it's to me. It's you, like I know how I'm. I'm very soulful, eccentric, like I know my meals, that I was taught I'm not as adventurous. I'll get adventurous when it comes to sauces, but like I've only been as long as we have dated, you are the only person that has made me adventurous to try new things food wise. So like that shrimp, uh, pasta, I made that one night. It's because I was like I make the same. Let me make something I know they will like and appreciate, which is some good steak and a pasta two of the same thing which is funny because I I generally don't eat shrimp.
Speaker 2:We didn't have shrimp in that it was. It was the steak uh spinach pasta you said shrimp no, I said steak no, you said, you said steak, but you said shrimp first instead of spinach okay, surf and turf all right um, but it was the shrimp, spinach pasta, that it was like a white sauce.
Speaker 1:Afraid of that's what it was, but like, yeah, I don't get adventurous only because of you. I mean, I've only been adventurous because of you, um, but I still think you're the better cook. I mean, shoot, you taught me how to make pizza, though, and ever since then, I don't buy pizza, no more. I don't buy it on a single one. I make my shits every time. Now, when was the last time we ordered our pizza?
Speaker 1:literally months ago now like a month and a half ago no, yeah, because like a month no, like a month and a half ago, we we ordered five stars but no, but what I'm saying like ever since, after, uh, I got injured beforehand, we have I haven't ordered a piece since, so that's like march and it's going on june, so maybe two months. You know, about two months. You kind of was right, i'ma shut the fuck up, but yeah, those are the things that you have taught me. That, uh, I appreciate. Um, you've see, for any of my people that have a person that knows a second language, for any of my people that have a person that knows a second language, it's very difficult at times when y'all try to teach them the fucking language and you're like what the fuck does that mean?
Speaker 2:I think you just find it hot that I can say something and you don't understand it, but someone else can. Are you good? What the?
Speaker 1:is that it? No, oh, my god, hold on, oh um, I find it, I find it this is a clip in and of itself, I I think I think it's more so for the fact because we had this conversation.
Speaker 1:I find it really resourceful that you can go to germ right now and if nobody spoke nothing but German, you would be good If I went there. I'm the only things I know is Guten Morgen and Sickhaus, hospital, krankenhaus, yeah, krankenhaus, that's the only thing I know. I actually said that really good. Krankenhaus, is that it? No, kranken Krankenhaus.
Speaker 2:Kranken Kranken, that it no. Kranken Kranken Krankenhaus Kranken.
Speaker 1:Kranken.
Speaker 2:You roll your R Kranken.
Speaker 1:Kranken.
Speaker 2:Kranken.
Speaker 1:Kranken Krankenhaus. Yes, hello See, I know Japanese. I can do no problem with my tongue, but saying like German is hard as fuck, bro, it's hard as fuck. I don't know how you do it. That's hard, I think, schmetterling.
Speaker 2:Schmetterling.
Speaker 1:Isn't that like?
Speaker 2:pin.
Speaker 1:No, that's, butterfly, that's butterfly Okay, kugelschreiber, that s**t bro F**k me yo, I can't.
Speaker 2:You can also say Kuli Same thing, Bro, fuck me yo I can't.
Speaker 1:You can also say uh, same thing.
Speaker 2:It's the shortened version of.
Speaker 1:See, like things like Like, that's no problem. Like you know, things like that, my tongue can easily do that, but german, nope, can't, can so um schreibstift is for pencil schreibstift.
Speaker 1:Schreib means to write okay stiff is stick writing stick okay blight is lead okay lead stick that's kind of like how latin just like takes words and technically fuses double meanings, kind of. That's interesting. I can't really say too much about that when it comes to japanese because I'm still learning it, but I do find the funniest thing is that the non-formal version of saying yes and no are literally the same thing it's the inflection yeah, it's the inflection, so it's literally like it's literally an additional letter and it's the same thing.
Speaker 1:And I'm like wow, that's this dope, but like it's, it's literally, like it's literally an additional letter and it's the same thing. And I'm like wow, that's this dope. But like it's, it's simplified and, as a lot of people say, like japanese is very complex, it is very complex, but certain things like that is very simplified because you, you look at american language and that's the double meat, like the triple entendre, double meanings for like there's a reason why english is the hardest language to learn as a second language.
Speaker 1:Do you know what the first is? You said English is the second. Do you know what the first is?
Speaker 2:No, English is the hardest.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:English is the hardest language to learn as a second language. Okay, so what's the second language? That's the hardest language to learn as a second language.
Speaker 1:Okay, so what's the second language that's the hardest? I don't know. I think it's German. That is hard, bro. It always sounds like it's very interesting.
Speaker 2:I think it might be Russian.
Speaker 1:I really haven't heard Russian like that. I really haven't heard russian like that. I really haven't heard russian like that. I would say, the language that everybody wants to know is spanish, because it sounds, because it's like they say, it's one of the languages it's, it's.
Speaker 2:It is considered a language, a romantic language a sexy language, but so is Italian.
Speaker 1:I would say more French, isn't it?
Speaker 2:French is too, I don't know about.
Speaker 1:Italian.
Speaker 2:I've never really heard anybody say anything hot to me in Italian. That's because most of what people depict in Italian and social media is them yelling at someone for something.
Speaker 1:No, that's German. Remember that one video, not just German, they do it for Italian. Yeah, yeah, that's german. Remember that one video, not just german, they do it for italian. Yeah, yeah, but I remember that one video. But here's that one video that shows all the different languages and they were doing things like butterfly.
Speaker 1:It was like butterfly, and then this, and also you oh okay, but they were doing it deliberately more aggressive than normal you know it's like whoa bro, um, but yeah, nah, at the end of the day, I mean with all languages, I I enjoy learning Japanese. Uh, I do find it really cool that you know German and I want to be that eloquent with a language to where I can do things like that, like, hey, do you know Japanese? The pen in Japanese is this. Do you know that hospital in Japanese is this? You know, it's like I want to do stuff like that because, like you know, you know English, so I can't really do that with you in English, but you could do that with me because, like because, with you knowing that, it's like you're always teaching me something new that makes sense, and that's that's my need. I always want to learn something new, uh, but when you try to teach me during my tongue, it's not working I think it might be a little more difficult for you too, because you have dyslexia.
Speaker 1:Yes, probably, but then how does Japanese work with my tongue?
Speaker 2:So um, the grammar is different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they don't really use ours like that.
Speaker 2:Um, so German grammar is pretty much backwards compared to American. Um like, the order of nouns, verbs and adjectives is completely different. And their placement in the sentence affects how the sentence flows, just like it would in English, but it's backwards.
Speaker 1:Okay, well then, good to know. Shit, I'm probably going to forget about it tomorrow. Anyway, we want to thank you that you spent an extra. We literally did with that one comedian, didn't we? We gave you an extra 25 minutes so you can enjoy your food. I added an extra 25 minutes to my set. We want to thank you guys for watching this episode. If you have enjoyed, please like, subscribe, comment. Let us know what you guys are thinking about the content. Um, again, we are still looking for future guests. If you want to be a guest, you know, comment below, let us know, and we can try to find some resources how to make that work.
Speaker 1:Um, but this one needs a nap, apparently I just need a coffee uh, I drunk one earlier, so I had a red bull earlier and you see the benefit of a red bull.
Speaker 2:It does nothing it does something for me for like 20 minutes yeah, didn't drink coffee instead.
Speaker 1:Um well, again, thank you for being here, we definitely appreciate you. Uh, this is a spoonful of polyamory. This is a spoonful of polyamory podcast. This is a spoonful of polyamory podcast. Yeah, we hope that you have been now filled and nourished with knowledge and we will hope to see you back at our table in the future.
Speaker 2:If you have any questions, let us know and we'll try and answer them as much as we can.
Speaker 1:Yeah, remember, we are not educators, technically, are we not? We're not educators.
Speaker 2:Well, we, we are and we aren't. We aren't actively trying to like give people advice we're just giving our perspective.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh, yes, um, but yes, until next time, bye you.