Happy Hour: How Y'All Doin'?

HEASA Happy Hour is a recorded conversation series for gay men 55 and better — real talk about aging, health, connection, and what Jane Fonda calls the "third act."
HEASA stands for Happy Endings at Shameless Acres, and that tells you everything about the spirit of the show: honest, irreverent, and warm. Every other week, hosts Colin Brownlee and Scott Pralinsky gather 20+ men on a live call from around the world — Costa Rica, Canada, Australia, Boston, Dallas, and beyond — to share their stories. Survivors of the AIDS crisis, men in recovery, recent widowers, retirees reinventing themselves abroad: a generation that fought for its rights and built its own chosen families, now figuring out how to make this chapter the best one yet.
Topics range from "Health Is Wealth" to "Senior and Single," but the through-line is always connection — because the research is clear that community is what keeps us thriving as we age.
Pull up a chair. The happy hour is open. Learn more or join a live call at heasa-live.org.

Transcript

SPEAKER_06 0:00

Welcome friends. Glad you're here. HESA Happy Hour. Great to see you. Let's begin. Hi everyone. Welcome to HESA, the Gay Men's discussion group for Gay Men55 Plus. In case you don't know what HESA stands for, it stands for happy endings at Shameless Acres. I realized all most of us wanted in life was a happy ending. So here we are. My name is Colin Brownlee. I uh a Canadian citizen living in Costa Rica for 22 years, and I've been an out gay man since I was 17. Yeah, run the math. I know it's been a long time. But don't worry, I promise. Uh I'm not going to uh tell you my life story, and you can read the book if I ever write one. Um really just want to welcome you. Uh I don't know what happened, but when I turned 60, I was a big wake-up call for me. And the biggest takeaway I realized is I couldn't believe that I actually made it here. The other person here is Scott Prelinski, who's living in Boston. And Scott and I go way back, uh at least 20 plus years, and our paths keep crossing. And if it wasn't for Scott, this would not be happening. Uh he is um getting, he is um, you know, the one who has sort of really kind of pushed me along on this gently. And he's also been the tech person because um due to layoffs and everything, we have not been able to rehire the tech department or assistant. So uh please bear with us. And I like Scott to give a little bit um an intro introduction about himself, okay?

SPEAKER_09 1:43

Wonderful. Thanks, Colin. Yeah, as Colin mentioned, we we go way back. It's been a long time. Uh it's been a fun journey. Um we met in Costa Rica and I lived there for 15 years and um have had a quite a varied background, but uh the last 20 years has been running nonprofits in the human services industry mostly. And I'm just really excited to be here with everyone and look forward to getting to know some of you.

SPEAKER_06 2:07

Okay, thanks, Scott. I really appreciate it. And I'm so glad again you're here because I couldn't honestly would this would not be happening without you. Um I did have a special message today that came from a very special person, Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote Eat Pray Love, is aware of our meeting today and sent me a beautiful recording today, wishing me the best. On she says, I really like what you're doing. And she said that fascism is too big for any of us single-handedly to take on. And anything that we do today that will spread love and light into the world and people's lives is doing something about what is happening in our world today. So she has sent this, and it meant so much to me because I haven't heard from her in a while, and I was just like, wow, uh, she's the most famous person I know. Uh so uh anyway, I just thought I would share that with you. Um and Dow, we have some quick uh meeting guidelines we'd like to share with everybody, and uh if everyone can just bear with us while we quickly go over this, and this is to make you know the uh meeting um as you know as productive as possible. This meeting is recorded so we can reach and support as many people as possible. Okay, I know some people are not gonna find this comfortable, but we have done this because our goal is to reach and help as many people as possible, and we want to reach beyond this meeting. Please feel free for anyone to share, turn off your camera, share your identity as much as you are comfortable with. But please know we talked about this a lot, and and we um decided that this was the best way that we could reach as many people and help as many people as possible. Um, please mute yourself when not talking. Um, if you are moving around, driving, cooking, or multitasking, please turn off your camera as that it distracts other participants. Listening is participation, no pressure to speak. Um please share from your own experience. Please avoid giving advice, judgment, or crosstalk. Uh, crosstalk is like that thing: giving advice and judgment and um related reflections on what people have shared relating to their own story are welcome. Okay. Please refrain from political opinions or discussions. I have many, I will spare you from. Uh, we all read the news and we just want this space to be free from all of that noise and just take a real break from it uh and uh work focus on uh us and what we how we can make our own way in life with uh the this time in our life of being senior and this things are going on in the world. We're gonna have everything. We have group big much, we were hoping for 10 people. We uh are very excited that we have exceeded that, that at least at the signups, I'm not sure. Scott, how many participants are we at?

SPEAKER_09 5:14

We have 19 plus us.

SPEAKER_06 5:16

Ah, great. So that yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's great. So I'm really happy. So we have to limit it to three minutes or less uh just to try and give everybody who wants to a chance to share. If you don't get a chance to share, don't worry. We have the after meeting cafe that is not recorded, that everybody's mics are turned off and it's free for open sharing and talking and hopefully meeting maybe one day or connecting or or whatever you want to do. Um, let's keep it uh PG, whatever, you know. So uh just remember that. Uh I don't know what Zoom's rules are, but if they're as nasty as Facebook, I will get shut down. Um when you share, we would love your first name and where you are from. Just to kind of a little bit to know you. You can get to be whatever name you've chosen, just for everyone's information. I used to be known as Connie Lingus. And due to my new status in life, uh some young guy fondly referred to me as his new Daddy Rising. So I have adopted Daddy Rising as I'm one of those crazy California people that adopts this new name. And and I just thought, you know, whatever it takes at my age to get laid, I'll go with it. Okay, if it's Daddy Rising, I'm so I'm no daddy rising. Okay. So, and at the end today, please come with an open heart and an open mind. And and, you know, we're all here, and most of all, to have fun. This is happy endings at shameless acres. And uh, you know, I never want to lose sight of that. So there we are with the the root group guidelines. Now, uh the room is gonna be open to discussion, and Scott's gonna be our administrator. And I'm gonna just first kick it off just to to um just um talk about my own thing is um, I don't know about the rest of you, but um, you know, turning 60 was big for me, and what's going on in the world combined with um, you know, are there possible threats up to our rights and and where we've come in our life? And um and also the challenges of aging and and watching what's happening to me and the people around me and everything, I found really unsettling. Um, but I've decided I've got no choice to try and make the best of it. At my age, I'm turning 65. Uh, I've never felt better since in my 40s. Uh, I do I credit that to really focusing on this chapter of my life. And as Jane Fonda calls it, our third act in life. And uh, according to my doctor, he said, you know, given stats and everything, at best, I got 20 years left and I was pre-diabetic. And he just gave me a rundown about what was going to happen to me if I didn't do something. And I don't know why for the first time I actually took heated his device and had heeded his advice and did something. Um and um so and I've been just really wanting to really try and share my journey and hear from other people because all of the stuff I've gotten in my life is from other people. And just a quick um disclosure, and I'm open about this. I'm 30 plus years in recovery from drugs and alcohol. And, you know, that has the peer group uh has really worked for me and just given me that where I am today. And uh and it is, you know, only through other people that I've been able to get and be alive today. So that's um where I'm at. And I really just want to hear from other men about our own tribe, you know, about how are we coping? Uh, what are what's the good times? What are you struggling with? And and uh how can we individually and collectively just, you know, find a way forward and connect with each other. Um, you know, just a special shout out to Kelly Kay, who haven't seen in a while. He's was formerly a body electric that was an extremely life-changing experience in my 30s and has led me ultimately here to happy endings at Shameless Acres. So, Kelly, your presence has been here and mean a lot to me. Another special shout out to uh Merv. We go way back, uh, and uh into Toronto in my early my late 20s. Uh that's another story. Uh Mark Goldstein is here. Welcome, Mark. Mark is the host and founder of Where Do Gays Retire and also gay men over 60 and better. Um, so he has really been supportive in helping us uh uh promote this meeting. And him and I have connected a lot, and and his both his sites, uh his groups are really great, and he has a great resource about how uh people are doing uh in retirement. So that's my um my invitation, and I'm gonna turn it over to Scott and we are gonna open the room. Thanks, everybody.

SPEAKER_09 10:34

Fantastic. Thanks, Colin. Um, I decided this time it probably made the most sense to go in order um in which people signed up to participate today. And based upon who's here now, uh it looks like the either Jeffrey or Neil, whoever that happens to be, is the first one to go. And I'm gonna set a three-minute timer for you there, Jeffrey. Is it Jeffrey or Neil?

SPEAKER_11 10:55

Uh this is Jeffrey. Neil's in the other room listening from afar. So guys, how how are you all? Colin, thank you for organizing this. Um, Jeffrey and Neil, we live in San Jose now. We've been full-time in Costa Rica for about 10 years now, had been visiting for over 20. Um and during the the first administration, we said, let's get out of here. So uh we came to uh Costa Rica. We lived down at the playa for uh a number of years and met a few of you from down there um that are in the room. Hey Don. And um and due to some health reasons, um, doctors said get off the beach, get out of the heat, get out of the jungle and the mold. So we came up to the mountains and we're in um up in the mountain on in Eskazu now and absolutely love it. Um 63 and 67. And yeah, Colin, um aging. We probably physically feel the best we've felt in a long time, actually. But yeah, the body's aging um and at a different pace than our um enthusiasm, energy, and interests are. So um we actually just spent a couple hours with a new internist um this morning, and you know, it's just it was just really not shocking, but it was kind of eye-opening of the things that we need to start paying attention to, um, you know, as our as our bodies evolve. Um so yeah, so I guess I don't I'm I don't know. That's that's who we are, and uh we're we're thrilled to be part of this.

SPEAKER_06 12:44

Okay, Scott, who's next?

SPEAKER_09 12:49

I'm looking for Brian, for John, Joey. Oh Joey, Joey's here.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

Oh, did you want to talk to me?

SPEAKER_09 13:02

Yeah, Joey, did you want to share? You don't have to.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

Oh I am 68 this year. Uh I came out well, I tried to come out in 1976 when I was 18. Colin will know this. I went to the St. Charles Tavern on Young Street and was scared back into the closet for six years. I eventually came out um during spring break in Fort Lauderdale, 1983, and there was no turning back. I have a forestry and economics background. I'm a forestry technician. I worked in logging in my early 20s, and that's where I came out. I was actually working in logging camps, and I used to go to Winnipeg, that was my um place of community. I eventually had enough. I moved to Toronto and started a whole new life. Uh I lived in Toronto for 25 years. Uh, what else? I like I played a lot of sports, and you know, I struggled as Colin suggested, intimated. I had all those things. I partied, I got into bad drugs, all that stuff, but I haven't touched it in probably 10 years. And sadly I became HIV positive, but I'm good with about it because you know something? I don't think about it other than to disclose. And I don't know why I disclosed, but I I feel you guys will all understand. Um, yeah, I've been undetectable since the first month I presented. That was about 10 years ago, and I think I'm doing all right. I just had a hip replacement and I'm active. Uh I go to AquaFit like three or four times a week, and I think I'm living my best life out here on Vancouver Island, as calling me a test because he's from here. So that's about all. Thank you all.

SPEAKER_09 14:53

Wonderful. Thanks so much. And it might be actually easier if uh if people just raise their hand and I could just pick on someone rather than my trying to go through the list to match up who might be here. All right, Ian, how about you?

SPEAKER_02 15:08

Hello everyone. I'm Ian. Uh I'm in Melbourne, Australia. It's morning here. Um, I was looking forward to this because I felt that it would be a way of building some connection. Uh I recently moved to Melbourne uh last year from the country in Victoria, where I had lived for a little while, about 10 years. So I'm enjoying being back in the city. Um I'm 68. I love um most things in life. Um, I'm fit and active. I like cycling and hiking and walking. Um and I love traveling. And um I've just had five weeks in Vietnam, so that's me, I think. So I just hope I get to know everyone. I I probably struggle most with, since I've moved, with just connection and knowing people. I don't know a lot of people in Melbourne. I moved to the central city. I live in a little apartment. Um, I moved here because I have a son um from a marriage long ago, and he has a small baby. So I moved here really because of the baby and the family. So yeah, but I, you know, want to build connection. So that's me. Thank you. And it's great seeing everyone.

SPEAKER_06 16:18

Thank you, Ian. Mark, I just want to cut in. It just was so great that uh someone across the pond so far away joins us. Thank you very much. I'm very honored. Thank you. Mark, you're up.

SPEAKER_18 16:34

Hey, um Mark. Um, I'm in Costa Rica, uh, Gracia. I saw somebody else here from Forest is from Gracia, Costa Rica. I don't even know you, which is why I wanted to sign up for this. Um for connection, just like everybody else is saying. I I I'm kind of a catch 22 situation because I'm very unsocial. Yet I long for uh what I really long for is conversation, intellectual conversation, uh with um mature people. Um, and so I was hoping that this would provide that. And um yeah, I am I'm from California originally. I'll I'll over-disclose, not that you over-disclosed, uh the last guy that talked, but um I yeah, I was an attorney in Southern California in the 80s. I got HIV that uh turned into AIDS, and then I miraculously lived, and uh I but I had left work, went up to the mountains in Northern California and grew pot for 20 years, and then grew uh became very active in the legalization process and got pot legalized and ruined realized that I ruined that whole thing about making any money growing pot. So um uh and now I moved to Costa Rica, and um so yeah, just basically like I said, I would like to uh just have good intellectual conversation with other like-minded men.

SPEAKER_09 18:18

It's wonderful, it's great to have you, Mark.

SPEAKER_06 18:21

Thanks, Mark. Um, just note uh, you know, where would we be without uh all of us gays from California, the homeland of the fruits and the nuts? Anyway, uh that you thanks for sharing. It's great that you're here too.

SPEAKER_09 18:34

Okay, the other mark, you're up.

SPEAKER_07 18:37

All right, thank you, Scott, and thank you, Colin, for putting this together. I really appreciate it. You know, uh we both kind of um appreciate community and making community, so thank you very much. So I'm Mark, I'm 68 years old. Um, I was born and raised and worked most of my life in um Brooklyn, New York, in New York City, Manhattan, New York. Um, then I moved to Florida in 2014 and uh was there for about four years. My husband, right off the bat, didn't like Florida, and I I really researched the hell out of where we were gonna move from New York, but kind of New York people kind of moved down to Florida. But anyway, uh I digress, digress. Um, we moved to Florida. It was kind of a mistake where we moved. So I said, where do gays retire? And I started a Facebook group. That's when it was born. Took a little bit of time to take off, um, but it did. I think today I have what I don't know, 16,000 members. I'm not sure. Um and then I started a podcast off of the Facebook group, which is quite popular as well. I release episodes um every two weeks on different destinations. I interview people from all over the world who have moved to various destinations. I interviewed Colin on my podcast. I have over 110, 115 episodes to listen to. You can go to my website at www.wherdegaze retire.com, do a search on any destination that I've done, and it'll come up. You can listen to the podcast. So I'm all about again making community. And um this is one of my things. I I want to also go back to when I was in my 20s. I survived uh a major plane crash that killed 50 people. And it kind of brought something to my eyes and said, hmm, there's a reason why I survived. And so many people didn't. So um I dedicate my retirement, I'm retired now, and I dedicate my retirement to building community. So I do have those Facebook groups. I just started another one um Gay Uh Chosen Family as well. So that's all on Facebook. You can do a search, um, gay men over 60, as Colin mentioned, and Where to Gays Retire, amongst some others.

SPEAKER_06 21:22

And if I could just jump in there, um Scott, um sorry, Mark and I have been working together and talking a lot over a few years now. And his new initiative, the the Gay Chosen Family, is something that really resonates with me because uh ultimately I'm hoping that HASA will also eventually, I want uh HESA to become not a group, but more of a movement. And one of the things I'm hoping it'll be is that we have a we we we we can, if we don't already have a place to go where we can find chosen. And family. And uh the internet is a great place, but also we try and encourage people within their own communities. And I really support this initiative that Mark is doing. And I just wanted to throw that in there. At the risk of crosstalk, sorry, but uh it's it's really in line with vision of what I have for Hessan. It's great.

SPEAKER_07 22:18

And by the way, I live now, I don't live in Florida anymore. From Florida, I moved to Phoenix. From Phoenix now, December, I just moved to Fort Collins, Colorado. So I'm a Coloradoan.

SPEAKER_09 22:29

World traveler.

unknown 22:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 22:31

Thank you so much, Mark, for sharing. I appreciate it. Uh Todd Kaufman, you're up.

SPEAKER_08 22:36

Hi folks, I'm Todd. I'm um coming to you from the uh beaches of Georgian Bay. This is my view right here, which is pretty nice. Um, I've um I am by trade the last 10 years a psychotherapist specializing in high-level anxiety and addictions. Um I more or less hail from Toronto of the um same time as Colin, and uh we are very blessed that he um started Big Triangle Press, which was really the first gay newspaper at a time where we were desperately building community after the battle frame. So um public shout out, thanks for that one, Colin. Um I talked to Colin about moving down south when he was gonna turn this into uh a retirement home at one point. At the time I had a puppy dog who uh been with me for 12 years, worked as a therapy dog with my patient who got taken by coyotes a couple of weeks ago. So I am now free to travel, and I cannot for the life of me handle one more cold, gray, wet, freezing, bitter, solid, horrific winter on the shores of Georgian Bay. So I'm looking to um start exploring what some of my options are. I uh do need to work, and um so wherever I go, I need high-speed internet um because I see most of my patients and my executive coaching clients virtually. And um yeah, there's a dearth of community up here, excepting, you know, that young alphabet crowd, uh, which I just really don't feel like I have any connection. And I like probably many of you lost most of my friends um during um pH crisis. So yeah, definitely yearning for community and yearning for a nice warm place. Um spend my winters um as a first start and know what I'm going to do. So that's my story.

SPEAKER_09 24:44

Thank you, Don. Al.

SPEAKER_14 24:49

Hi, I'm uh I'm Al Gordon from Boston, just outside Boston, Brookline. Um I just want to acknowledge, Mark, I I I I don't know who you are, but uh I think your story is interesting. And I and that's how I discovered this group is through the Facebook page, which I'm a part of. And I think it's just uh and it's wonderful to have that community there. And um I think it's um it's it's really a terrific effort. And um and I I enjoy, I mean, you know, enjoy scrolling through the post more than I enjoy scrolling through a political post. So um it's uh I appreciate what you do. Um I'd much rather be cold than hot. So um I can I can't imagine being any place else but Boston. Um I live here with uh, well, I don't live with my kids, but I have two kids and two dogs. One of one of my kids is still in the house here. Um and uh I have a mother who's going to be uh 101 in uh in in a couple of weeks who lives in the house I grew up in on Long Island. And um and that that that makes me think about aging. So uh, you know, plus I'm uh I'm 66. I don't feel 66. Um I'm at the I'm I'm at the gym almost every day, and I just lost a whole bunch of weight and I feel fantastic. So I I you know I I don't think of myself, but I get the numbers don't lie. Um so uh I'm just here because um I I was intrigued. I I I I I'm a student of the um of the blue zone principles. So I I try to eat well. I try to eat mostly green, you know, green stuff, and occasionally some some other stuff that's not great for me. Uh but um, you know, um tried to I can never turn down a good full-bellied fried clamp plate of fried clams. Um but like you know, one of the pillars of uh the blue zone is a sense of community. And um and and so that's kind of what I was here. I was just intrigued. I saw this and uh I wanted to see what it's all about. And uh thank you for doing this.

SPEAKER_09 27:00

Well, we're so glad you joined us. It's really a lot of fun, and we hope you'll spread the word. Thank you.

SPEAKER_06 27:05

Uh Al, uh just want to say uh a little shout out um for your topic. Um I too have lost um um about almost 35 pounds. And um our next uh meeting is Health is wealth. Uh I got the title from RuPaul. And where would we already want to invite people to talk about how we are coping and what were strategies we're doing to take better care of ourselves and each other? And uh that's I got most of my advice from people like my friends and my tribe. So thanks very much.

SPEAKER_14 27:41

Can I just add one more thing? Is uh I was also intrigued about uh I think it was uh maybe oh Mark uh who mentioned that they grew pots. No, I'm I'm a gardener and I'm for the first time I'm growing, it's legal in Massachusetts. I'm growing three plants um because I got the seeds from someone I know. So I might go to you for advice. I'm not growing them because I smoke, I'm just intrigued as a gardener, and it was something I wanted to try. My son might smoke, but we'll will participate in this. But uh so I'm I might need some advice on this.

SPEAKER_09 28:15

I see a new topic coming to have here. That's great. Mark, you also have your hand raised.

SPEAKER_04 28:24

Yeah, I was trying to get with the tribe of Marx, but so I'm Mark Pelcher. I'm currently in Michigan. I'm in the process of um becoming a political refugee immigrant to Costa Rica. Um, I will be visiting Costa Rica again um June 25th through uh July 13th. I'll be in San Jose and then in Man Laurentonio. Um would love to connect with people, still kind of researching where to live, but from my previous visits, I I think I really feel more comfortable in um San Jose, where there's a larger metropolitan area. I'm currently living in the country um in Michigan in the in the rural area, and it it's just um you know, I have a beautiful garden, but there's no people in it. So um I'm 62, I work as a psychotherapist. Um do that remotely when I'm in Costa Rica, uh mostly remotely when I'm in Michigan. Um I'm a fairly recent widower. I've been a widower for three and a half years. My husband and I were together 22 years, and so um many of the kinds of um culture about being in the 60s are there for me, and I think we were very um to ourselves, we didn't really socialize, and so it um very much is kind of a culture shock coming into uh the electronic age uh of of um the new way of socializing, I guess, uh for many folks in the community. Um I just wrote a book on caregiving and grieving, and um that should be published out any day. I'm really excited about that. And uh I'm just really appreciative of uh Colin and Scott and others for offering this platform for us to talk about our experiences and to make connections.

SPEAKER_09 30:23

Fantastic. Thank you for sharing. Cowboy Rick. Two hours later. Cowboy Rick, are you still interested in sharing?

SPEAKER_06 30:32

He might have problems with his mute button.

SPEAKER_09 30:34

That could be pass for now while he figures that out and move right on to Forrest.

SPEAKER_17 30:42

Hello, my name is Forrest, Forrest Halford. Um, I'm here in Gracia, Costa Rica, with my husband Greg, and who's currently putsing around in the kitchen. And um we were in Gracia actually in November of 2024, and right after the election, Greg says, um, we need to get a toehold in another country, and we really like this place. Uh loved loved uh Costa Rica. We were I met a lady here, uh Lori uh Baron, uh, because I asked a question about what our musical opportunity is like in Gracia. And so we've developed a friendship. When I came here, she introduced me to uh Don, who's in this room right now, and who's introduced me to people, and we found a community here and sort of uh gotten to know each other. I'm 68. I in my in my past I have been very athletic. I earned a black belt in karate, studying Tai Chi and Qigong for many years, um, was a bicycle rider, uh just hardcore for a long, long time. And uh, but now nowadays I'm I'm really sedentary and that needs to change. I'm 68 years old, and like other people have mentioned, as as our bodies get older, the your your health becomes your job. Since I don't have a job, I'm totally unemployable at this point. Um, I don't have a job and uh don't want a job. And uh but but as as Greg says, we take our lives to another place, and we sort of have. I mean, I I played for the Unitarian Universalist Church in Bowling Green, Kentucky. I was their keyboardist and musician for 30 years. I have a degree in music, um, I'm a uh pianist, and and uh as since I've come here, all of a sudden I found myself playing for a church every once in a while. But uh anyway, I just I I thank Colin for this experience for being able to do this. The idea of uh some somebody just mentioned, I'm sorry, I think it was Al who mentioned the the the the uh the oddness of uh social connections via a computer screen. This this is this is very strange for me, even though I do uh join a couple of poetry salons with a very old friend of mine who is a poet lawyer in in uh Denver, Colorado. And um I do improvisations there and share music with his poetry group. And so I have I'm I'm familiar with the format, but it still just seems strange. And um I don't want it. And and and Mark, uh our our other guy, Mark Schaefer here in Gracia. I'm I'm looking forward to meeting you and and uh talking about our love of growing things.

SPEAKER_09 33:34

So wonderful, thank you, Forrest. And you know, it it's such a common theme of people wanting to find connection, and and the computer is not as good, I guess, for a lot of us as it is in person, but we're sure hoping that we can help foster some in-person connections as well. Um, and I think Cowboy Rick has figured out how to unmute. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 33:57

There, I think I found it. So, yes, this is Cowboy Rick from Dallas, Texas. Howdy, all it's so good to be here and see everyone. I'm sorry I don't have my camera on, um, but I have kind of a weak connection, so I just thought I'd forgo the camera. Um, it's beautiful here in Dallas right now. I love this time of year. I've been in Dallas now for gosh, I think almost over 30 years. Moved here from San Diego, where I spent three years uh during the Reagan uh administration. And before that, I uh grew up in Chicago and I was born in Michigan, just outside of Detroit. My dad worked for Ford Motor Company and designed some of the most beautiful cars that ever came out of uh Ford. Um, so here in Dallas, I've been doing computer consulting, and uh for gosh, maybe the last 15 or so years, I've taken maybe eight or so trips to Costa Rica. And just last February, uh, we went to Club Hesa for one week. We thoroughly enjoyed it, and we're already planning another trip to go back in uh February of next year for three weeks. So look out for our reservation for that. Um, and then my sister will be joining us from northern Idaho uh down in in uh San Jose, and we'll probably um do some touristy things with her at the end of our trip down there. Um, she's never been to Costa Rica, so uh she would love to you know see that. Um, I have spent my career in technology, and in 2019 I totally switched tracks and I launched my own real estate photography business. It's now four and a half years old. I'm thoroughly enjoying that. Um, and my husband and I uh are considering the option of moving to Costa Rica, but I think it's gonna be kind of a slow boil where uh last year we spent one week down at uh down at the club there with uh Colin. And next year we're planning on spending three weeks at the club, um, but one more week just traveling, uh doing touristy things with my sister, and then you know, years following up, it'll probably be longer than that. So that's my story. I'm glad to have everyone here. Um, and I look forward to future meetings.

SPEAKER_09 36:35

Fantastic. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_06 36:38

Step in there. Uh now I know who Rick is, and it was a wonderful guest. And I just want to really thank you for the the reservation of uh coming in next year because uh we need it, and Mama needs new shoes. Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_09 36:52

That's great. Um who else would like to hear? Oh, there's Dan and Joe, Dan and Jose. Oh, Don, could you up there?

SPEAKER_15 37:02

There we go. Okay. Yeah, I've been looking to see where the little icon is for the raised hand thing, and I just never did find it.

SPEAKER_09 37:10

It's under the little react uh react section on the bottom.

SPEAKER_15 37:14

Oh, okay. Yeah, thank you. Uh so yes, I'm Don and I'm 70, and um uh had my first male kiss in 1975 and never looked back. So um I'm what they call a gold star gay, if you know what that means. Anyway, uh been here a little about five and a half years here in Costa Rica. This is my second life in Costa Rica. Um I was here before, I had a uh a Costa Rican uh partner then for six years. Uh that was 96 through uh 2002. Uh series of events uh kind of broke my what we say puta vida here. And uh so I went back to Florida to kind of regroup and uh one thing or another, and then I met my current husband, and uh we've been together 19 years come uh next week, and he's from Venezuela. So you would think between having a Costa Rica partner and a Venezuelan partner, I would be really fluent in Spanish. No, spouses don't make good teachers necessarily, anyway. So uh since a couple of people have I've talked about uh moving here, um I've got several Facebook pages. One in particular is called Moving to Costa Rica's Western Central Valley. Now, here in Gracia, we uh the town of Gracia is about 3,000 feet, so it gets close to around 70 degrees every night of the year. This is as warm as it gets right now, and uh many nights it's in the 60s, and the highs in the days are maybe reaches 80. It depends. If if we have rain, then it may not reach 80. But uh we have residential areas uh above the town on ridges, and they're at four and five thousand feet, that's in about five degrees cooler. So it's just because we're in the tropics doesn't mean that um um you know uh it's uh sweltering. Uh we also have a monthly group, LGBT Occidente. Occidente means westerns because we're in the western Central Valley, and we have monthly uh get-togethers, social events. I'm just getting a garden, gay garden group off the ground. We've had a couple of meetings so far, so that's that's popped up uh in uh several people's uh mentions. Also uh a musicians group and several other groups what we have going, and I'm out of time.

SPEAKER_09 40:02

All right. That sounds great. And of course, I can't get it to stop. Wonderful, thank you so much. And there'll be certainly time in our after hours cafe to to continue as well. Uh Doug, do you have your hand raised?

SPEAKER_12 40:23

There we go.

SPEAKER_10 40:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 40:26

Um uh thanks, Colin, for putting this together. I just want to do a quick introduction. Um, I'm Doug. Tom's sitting here next to me. He does not want to be on camera. Um we're here in Southeast Arizona, um, where we're living in the house my first husband and I built about 20 years ago. You can think we're we're near Tombstone. We're about 20 miles from Tombstone. Everybody knows where that's or knows the name, even though they don't know where that's at.

SPEAKER_09 40:53

What's the name of the town you actually live in, Doug?

SPEAKER_12 40:56

Whetstone.

SPEAKER_09 40:57

Whetstone, okay.

SPEAKER_12 40:59

So um, and uh so uh thank you for putting this together, Colin. I was kind of jazzed when I saw this on Facebook. It it uh it it's just an investigatory for us. We're trying to start a uh uh a gay men's group in this area in this coaches county that we're in. Um and it's getting off the ground kind of slow, but we do have um half a dozen or more members who come regularly to our gatherings. Um and um yeah, getting older, I'm 66, Tom, I'm 69, and we're uh we're getting older, and um health is a big thing for me. I I sound like this because I just had neck surgery the other week and it's still healing up. But um one of the one of the things you'll see whenever you find what the recommendations are for growing old healthily is to get a good social connection. And so that's why I was interested in reaching out here. We're also always um looking for options on what we might want to do. Right now we're renovating the property here for growing older here and being able to take care of each other and maybe have someone come in and take care of us as we get older and need it at some point. We all will. Um, but other options are available too. So um uh, like I said, just want to do a quick introduction and say hello, and um I'll be uh happy to put my yellow in the chat and maybe make connections with other people, and I'll try to stick around for the after hours party. Thank you.

SPEAKER_09 42:32

Thanks so much, Doug. I actually moved here to Boston from Sierra Vista, where we still have a house there. So uh we'll have to chat at some point in time about that. Okay, Don Main. Looks like you're the next one. All right.

SPEAKER_05 42:46

Unmute. There we go. Hi there. Can you hear me? We can. Excellent. Um, I'm Don Main. I'm in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, the Great White North. Um, and I heard about this uh calling through Carla Davies. And um obviously 1957 was a fabulous year. There's so many 68-year-olds joining here. Um, and um I'm hearing so many things that uh are ringing true in my world and uh what we're all dealing with in health and staying healthy and um living in this world that we're living in. So I will be in Costa Rica in February for a photography workshop, um, which is I picked up uh a new uh hobby. Well, I'm not gonna call it a hobby, but um during COVID. And so taking my camera for a walk every day is uh what keeps me going. But I'm looking forward to uh visiting Costa Rica in February.

SPEAKER_09 43:51

Wonderful. Thanks for sharing, Don.

SPEAKER_06 43:54

I can just jump in. Uh that's really sweet. Uh uh, the one who's referred to him as a

SPEAKER_03 44:00

school friend and she's a crazy woman let me tell you from elementary school i i will put quotation marks around crazy think of just think of driving miss crazy that's crazy i've been baking for her for the past year and a bit so um you know she's a great cook but she doesn't bake well so i've been I've been looking after her and carrie can't her husband can't boil water so um i help out very good thanks wonderful enrique okay so let's see um i'm enrique i'm actually a native costa rican um i'm from here i live in costa rica in a lahuela not too far away from hesa i've been there a couple times i've met colin we've talked a couple times there um and then also for the for those living here you know that this is not too far away from Gracia and the other places you were mentioning I've lived here most of my life except for a couple of years in northern Idaho of all places so it's weird that you mentioned that like that came up like a it's not a typical place for most people to live in um but okay then the other thing is that I wanted to mention in in uh just uh presenting myself here is um much like one of the Marks I guess Mark Schaefer it was I'm very much uh uh I guess an introvert or whatever you want to call it I I I enjoy my uh alone time and and reading and and watching movies and that kind of thing but I also want to find uh you know a crowd that I can talk to and that are uh interesting and there's uh you know intellectually stimulating and so this seems like the kind of group where I should be and that's kind of what and of course for those of you that are coming to visit you know in the future if you need a local perspective on anything um here that's wonderful that's very generous thank you and Mirab you've been uh well and told by Colin that you're next would you like to participate now you can hear me I guess yes good um yeah call Colin and I go way back I'm uh 70 coming up 73 and uh worked in the gay movement from 1971 to 78 and beyond and uh then I was in the communications field and uh Colin actually tried to sell my company's services for a while and uh until he moved on to uh more profitable ventures. I'm uh living in Burlington Ontario which is a kind of a satellite city of Toronto for those who don't know um I moved here in 2012 to uh join my new then new lover uh who uh we were married in 2019 and he died last October so I'm also entering a new phase of life where I'm now kind of alone in a very suburban very straight environment um for the first time alone for quite a while so it's quite unusual now having said that it's also quite uh um it's a very accepting neighborhood when my partner was dying we had uh help from just everybody around us when we got married we had uh the community passed around a card and had 30 people signing it congratulating us so it's a very open accepting kind of a community but it's still not gay it's still a it's still very much the uh the suburbs and uh this is this is kind of a new world for me it was a new world when I moved here with Paul in 2012 uh I came here from Ottawa I originated in Saskatchewan if anybody knows where that is um so that's kind of my story I've been uh uh out since 1971 and involved in the gay movement I worked for the Body Politic uh gay newspaper gay liberation newspaper for seven or eight years and uh primarily doing production stuff and so I evolved from that into uh doing uh uh running a design company and uh from that into writing and editing when I moved to Ottawa I devoted myself to writing and editing primarily for federal government stuff which is uh lucrative and boring so so uh but when I moved here uh Paul was retired and I not long after that I lost sight in one of my eyes and the other is quite impaired so I also retired and now I am retired and taking care of his glorious garden.

SPEAKER_13 49:13

He was a passionate gardener I have a brown thumb everything dies when it sees me so this is this is a challenge though I will say it's it's keeping me occupied at least through the summer so that's a little bit about me it's fantastic thank you for sharing it's uh just so wonderful to see the the uh amazing distances that everybody's from and the talent and and experience in this room is uh pretty impressive okay Dave Lukin yeah hi this is Dave Lucon I am actually I'm surprised that there are so many young guys here tonight uh I'm 72 and um I live in um about an hour from Boston an hour and a half from Cape Cod for those people that know Cape Cod on our way um and um about me well most recently I'm I'm a retired commercial beekeeper and um I still have bees but not commercially I um actually retired from a medical marketing career and and I'm also known as a social activist. I like to cause trouble and I'm mostly known as one of the individuals that um started the uh awareness of the Boston clergy abuse scandal which ended up uh inspiring the movie Spotlight if anyone's seen that um so um that's sort of my my big thing in life um I do hang out in men's groups online um and I I really enjoy the Zoom space it's the way I can get to know a lot of people um with the fact that I am retired from commercial beekeeping I mean when you when you have a big apiary like I used to like I had 200 hives it's like owning an orphanage you know that's like always a problem always something going on and now I've sort of put that behind me so I I want to open things up to travel more I've never been to Costa Rica um and um so that's sort of um I'm thinking about that so looking for a good excuse to get down there. I've got friends down there. But um so that's pretty much about me I've been thinking what's so special about me anyway. But um it's good being here and it's just good sort of collecting some good information and meeting some guys. So thanks for being here.

SPEAKER_09 51:33

Thanks you for being here Dave this is wonderful like I said just such an interesting collection of people it's amazing. I know that we only have about five more minutes before this portion ends and we end up into our after meeting cafe.

SPEAKER_06 51:46

Colin did you want to maybe mention a couple of words about you know um the other part of HESA that we haven't really talked about that some people have alluded to thank you very much uh first of all it's been just really amazing having everyone here I'm feeling very grateful and warm about it and and uh and really moved by some people that are here like MERV I just want to cry to be honest. Yeah it just um it means a lot to me um uh also I I I just um want to let people know um you know that uh I hope that this is really the start of something so please um you know share and invite more people to come uh tonight was more of an introductory meeting and everything but hopefully we want to get into topics where we're really helping each other and and uh trying to support each other but at the same time having fun um so um our next topic uh coming up is is health is wealth and that's we're gonna use that as a topic too uh and then uh the next one we've chosen after that is uh senior and single or single and senior I can't remember one or the other and uh uh because uh many of us are single I'm uh in uh it's complicated for 14 years and I'm quite comfortable with that and uh so um and uh also I'm a like a a Latin lover so I'm in the right place and um so uh the other thing is is is uh yeah I'm gonna do a shameless plug for Club Hessa which is a dream that started uh 20 years ago in Thailand when I jokingly said to a friend of mine when I was watching all the I was in my 40s and I was worried about getting old and I was looking around at all these older gay men and and I thought well if this is what looking old getting older as a gay man looks like um you know it doesn't look too bad. I said to Jim let's start a gay retirement home called happy endings and he laughed and and he said that was a good idea and then he he said what about shameless acres and we both decided it was happy endings at shameless acres and I never lost that thought and I've always had this sort of weird vision for my life and once I get fixated on something there's no stopping me and that's how I built a hotel on the beach for 20 years and ended up selling it with 60 staff and got up with enough scratch to build this place and I'm rolling the dice with a family farm and hoping it's going to work. But I just really know more than ever that this is my true calling in life. But I want it to go beyond Klub Hassa. Before we go I want everybody to take a look around this room okay people have shared some really amazing stories about who they are and their background and everything and that ask yourself this what group of people in the world do you know that have collectively been through and lived a life of experiences that we have with also combined with our careers and our living of double lives our threats to our well-being our surviving our own holocaust to going for and demanding our equal rights and achieving it for the creativity for the caretaking I mean it is endless there is no other group of people we have this incredible collective power and it's not utilized okay and I think one thing I can just if everyone could just take away tonight is is that you know we are a very special group of people and individually and I I I really mean that and I really want this to be the start of something big where we try to harness this power collectively and also empower ourselves individually to making what Jane Fonda calls our third act the best yet and I I just feel really good about it and I I just so excited to have you all on board and and um I also am going to stick around in the cafe because this is just too good not to so thank you and it means so much to me uh uh that you're here and and and again Scott uh thanks because this wouldn't happen without you