I'M NICE...BUT ALSO KINDA JUDGY

Welcome back! It's your girl TheWordLyriK and apparently I'm a "nice person." I get told that all the time. Sweet. Caring. A whole walking ball of light.

But LISTEN... if ya'll could hear some of the thoughts that pop up in my head, you might reconsider. No, I'm not out here being evil- I'm just being honest about the quiet little judgmental voice in my head... especially when it comes to me!

Yup, I've got opinions. I overthink. I critique myself more than anyone else ever could- and sometimes that spills over into how I see others, even if I don't say it out loud. I'm learning, growing, and reminding myself that just because I'm kind doesn't mean I'm perfect.

Because at the end of the day... I'm still a work in progress- saved, but slightly savage.

Transcript

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Hello, everyone. It's your girl, the word lyric with the kids say, and you are tuning into Let's Be Honest. What's going on, everyone? It's your girl, the word lyric with the kids say, and thank you so much for tuning into my podcast titled Let's Be Honest. This is the safe place for you to be for myself as well, to be open and honest and transparent about thoughts, feelings, life experiences. I'm just super excited about this. I want to go ahead and jump into the prayer. Father God, in the name of Jesus God, I thank you, Lord God. Word my mouth, Lord God. I pray, Lord God, that your words will meditate on my heart and that they will come out as they should, Lord God. Thank you for every individual who is listening. May they gain something. May they gain a safetiness, a feeling of community, a feeling of relatability, Lord God. May they be seen. May they be heard. And dear Lord God, I just thank you, Lord God, that your spirit is roaming, even now, wherever they may be, that you are meeting whatever need, that you are meeting and tending to whatever hurt they may have, Lord God. Whatever inner works need to happen, Lord God, I know that you are already working in them, God, to work those things out, Lord, as you are doing for me. Touch my mouth. Grace me, Lord God, to speak freely, honorably, humbly. Not humbly, but actually, yeah, that's a word. Humbly as well, Lord God, and I thank you so much for this opportunity, God, to just share, to be free and to be honest in Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen. So last episode, I pretty much talked about how I am a huge perfectionist, you know, and I'm working on not allowing perfectionism to be an excuse for why I don't do what God has called me to do. If you missed the last episode, I want to encourage you to go back to listen to it. Um, and then for those who listened to the first episode, but you came back because you were like, yo, this is dope. And I want to be a part of this journey too. And being honest and being open. Thank you for joining. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for coming back again. It's so funny to me. And I love it when people come up to me and they're like, oh my gosh, you're just so nice. You're really so nice. I love how you care about people. I love, why am I talking like that? I love how you love people. I love how you're just so kind and you're so nice and you're so thoughtful, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I really don't know what to do with that except give God glory. So I love those moments because yeah, that's what it's about. It's about giving God glory in the moment. It's about humbling myself because the truth is I know myself. People don't know certain things. And I think that's another reason why I wanted to do this podcast is because, you know, not to say that I put on some kind of facade. No, obviously, through Jesus Christ, I'm a kind hearted person. He's worked on me. He's changed me. I told you a little bit about my testimony as far as how I started in my relationship with God. Although the love was there, it was definitely laced in religiousness. It was definitely laced in, you know, self-righteousness to a certain degree as well. And That caused me to be, you know, not as loving, you know, or not as tangible for people in certain instances, you know, when they really need to see the love of God. But what they saw was I'm trying to be perfect. I'm trying to be perfect so I can please God. And that's not even what he was wanting from me. And when he showed me that, hey, you're not perfect. You got your things, too. And it's OK to allow those things to show before me. So I can really make you the embodiment of Christ and love and whatnot. What I stand for, who I am, you know, then it can be authentic and people can be drawn to you. And honestly, I remember a long time ago where it was just like, well, how can you draw people from an imperfect world who are out in the world? How can you draw them? If you yourself are not like if you don't have your own story, your own testimony, you know. So I feel like God allowed me to fall so many times, want to build my own testimony. You know, when you build your own relationship with God, you got to fall sometimes. OK, there is no place in the Bible where someone did not have like this moment before the Lord where it's like, yo, OK, I messed up, you know. Who am I to think that, oh, I can walk this earth and not need God, right? That's the whole point. That's the whole point. So I want to talk about how people don't see what I see in myself. People don't know what I come to God about. There are times when I have the most judgmental thoughts in my head about people that I don't say because I'm not about to say that. living my head rent-free just for a day, y'all would really see the things that God is working on my heart with. But let me tell you this, though. It's not just because I'm some mean individual. A lot of what I do, if it's being judgmental or whatever else, most likely I'm doing that to myself. And I truly believe, I'm a firm believer in the fact that whatever you're doing to other people, most likely you're doing that to yourself. We are a byproduct of how we treat And obviously the byproduct of how we treat ourselves comes from the lack of understanding the love of God for us. I remember one time I was listening to my pastor preach, God knows me. And I don't know, that message, although it was such a powerful message, it made me so uncomfortable at certain places because I'm like, oh, God knows me. Lord Jesus, he knows me. And, you know, I think sometimes when we think of God knowing us, we become afraid because we're afraid of punishment. And the Bible says that perfect love casts out all fear because fear is made of torment. It's literally fear being punished as if just because God sees your your imperfections or the things you have to work on, you know, the things you have to bring before him. We instantly think, oh, he about to punish us. It stems from religion. It stems from this religiosity, you know, doctrine that as soon as you do something wrong, God is trying to punish you and take you out. But there was a scripture in Psalms that David wrote. He was talking about how God knows him. And he was like, he's fearfully and wonderfully made. And he praises God for making him. And I'm like, yo. And then pastor was like, I want everybody to start praising the Lord. For him making you. And for some reason, I had a hard time. And I didn't understand why, but God was speaking to me even there. And he was telling me that I was basing my value. I was basing my worth. I was basing everything off of how well I was able to perform, how well I was able to keep going. All of the rules and all of the regulations and whether I would sin or whether I would fall. And he said that my love for you is not contingent on those things. I love you because I love you because you're my daughter, because I made you in my image and in my likeness. I know who you really are. I ended up, you know, working through that and I was finally able to praise God for making me. I'm like, God, thank you for making me. I'm amazing. I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. I'm so complex. I have so many thoughts, so many ideas. Some good, some not so good. Some great, some not so great. You know, I make good decisions and I've made some bad ones and I'm probably going to continue to make some more bad ones. And that's not to say once again, this is never to encourage the idea of It's okay to sin. It's okay to... And first and foremost, everything's not even a sin, okay? Like, I'm still getting over that, too. Like, for some reason, we paint everything so black and white. Everything is not a sin. So it's just like, okay. Like, some decisions, I really don't know what to do. So you know what? I just make a decision and hope it comes out. Sometimes I feel like I'm not hearing God. Okay, God, what do you want me to do? Make a decision? Okay, I'm going to trust that you're going to catch me if I fall. Maybe that was your plan. Your plan was for me to fall, not fail, fall. I've been so judgmental towards myself for such a long time. And I'm not where I used to be. Glory be to God. Anything I talk about for the most part, for the most part, I'm not in it, in it, but I still may deal with some of the residue of it. You know what I judged the most though? I'm not even gonna hold y'all. You know, I'm gonna leave it at that. Because I'm getting hot in my car. You know what I judge the most? I judge the most on how people look sometimes. Because I want to look good all the time. Do you hear me? I'm not going to be. I've had my learning curves. Do you hear me? I've had them wigs that just won't wig in the right way it was supposed to. I've had them outfits. You know? Look. My parents used to get on me all the time about how I look, how you represent yourself, how you represent God, how you represent them, my parents, my family, my church. It was always about representation. So I think to a certain degree, there is a part of me that's like, okay, I need to really work on this. It's okay to have a down day. Every day don't have to be a glam day. But one thing I do judge, though, is people that come outside with them bonnets on and the PJs. I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't think I will ever get it. But anyways, this is a safe space and I felt safe enough to be honest and to share my personal opinion. If you happen to be one of the ones that love wearing bonnets and PJs outside to go to Walmart or to go somewhere else, maybe the corner store, you know, do you boo? Do you? It's all love. I just felt safe enough to share. Anyway, I crack myself up. Anyways, We'll tune in with y'all later.