EP 17 — Why Community Matters Abroad.

Transcript

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Welcome back to Almost Local. I'm Maria, your host, and today's episode is all about why community matters abroad. And before we dive in, I want to connect today's episode to something I shared on Instagram on Wednesday, I talked about how this podcast has been making me reflect more deeply on the questions. We don't always stop to ask questions, and reflections such as, who am I becoming here? Where do I belong? Who are my people? In this new chapter abroad, those reflections have stayed with me, and today's episode continues that conversation because behind every story we share here in the podcast, and behind almost every message I receive from the community, there is one theme that keeps. Coming back. Community connection and belonging. So today I want to go deeper, not into the tips themselves, the tips you already have in our blog, but into the why behind them. Why behind these tips. Why community matters so much, why isolation feels so heavy, and what the research says about belonging and rebuilding your social world in and new country and personally. For me, this topic feels alive, especially today because here is Friday and tonight I'm going to our third Friday circle here in Auckland, New Zealand. And this little community that, was started by Andrea actually, started just a few months ago. This community, it's simple, it's human, it's warm, and it inspired this entire episode. So, when I moved back from, the Netherlands to New Zealand, I joined this community, third Friday Circle. This, started as a WhatsApp group and the idea is that we meet every Friday and we share one, special dinner. We even had a salsa night, which was a lot of fun. It started with just few members in this WhatsApp group, and now we are a hundred women who are. Building this community and connecting, and most importantly, looking for a place where we can feel that we belong, here in Auckland. So, that's why this topic feels alive for me today, because I'm actually going tonight. So let's get started. In our blog, I wrote that building community sounds big, it sounds official, it sounds even intimidating. Building community. But community is much simpler. It's a simple concept. Community is someone who checks on you when it rains. Someone who says, sit with us here. Someone who remembers your coffee order. Communities is deep friends. Also situational friends, also school drop off friends. The, we talk once a month, but I adore you friends and sometimes the lifelong unexpected friendships and, and I think this is really important, research backs this up. The Harbor Study of Adult Development, the longest happiness study in history found that high quality relationships are the number one predictor of long term happiness, not success, not achievement. Relationships. This is why I insist so much on this topic, why community becomes the heart beat of the expat life and the migrant life. When you move abroad, you don't just change countries, you lose your entire social ecosystem. You need to start from scratch, right? Your social life, your brain feels that loss, that confusion. Neuroscientist, Matthew Lieberman discovered that loneliness activates the same area of the brain as physical pain, which is huge if you think about it. So loneliness, it's for the brain, the same as physical pain. If, you've felt invisible, disconnected, overwhelmed. Behind in making friends. It's not weakness. It's simple biology, and this is exactly why your community building habits work. Say yes, even when. Uncomfortable exposure, rebuilds familiarity. Even if you want to say no, because sometimes you don't really want to go to that after office meetup or that coffee with moms from school. Even when it's uncomfortable exposure reveals familiarity. Reach out first. Don't wait until people come to you, most people are really lonely and that I. Is something that will definitely value if you reach out first, join something, even if you might hate it or maybe won't love it. I joined the Dutch lessons in Netherland. I wanted to learn the language, but The course was about meeting people, so I learned a bit of language, but mostly I met people and I made beautiful friends. And why this is so important, because proximity grows connection, meeting every week that allowed us to grow this connection, this friendship. None of this is random. This is how we are wired. That's, like I said, simple biology. A major body of psychology. Research also shows that belonging isn't about how many people you know. It's not about quantity. It's about how deeply you feel connected. One meaningful connection, one meaningful friend can change your whole experience abroad. This aligns with our tips from the blog. Listen deeply. Make friends outside your type. Not all your friends are going to be exactly like you come from the same country as your speak your language. Let some friendships fade. Sometimes those friends are not the ones that will help feel connected. Cultivate, cross-cultural friendships. It's so rich to meet people from other places who experience things differently from us. So this is also a good way to build new connections I always say the country doesn't change. Your sense of meaning inside the country changes. Okay. Now a little behind the scenes moment Every month here in Auckland, we meet for our third Friday circle. It is a casual community dinner that we started not long ago, It started with few members. 10, 20 WhatsApp members, and now it's become huge. I mean, we are a hundred women in this group, the third Friday circle, but something special happens here. Every time we meet people talk about missing home cultural meets, understandings, raising kids abroad, making friends later in life, and the tiny joys that make them feel almost local. And every time someone walks through the door, I see it. Their shoulders drop. They exhale, they recognize here. I don't have to explain myself. That's the power of community. It's not the size, it's the depth. And here is the part that I love, your 20 realistic tips from our blog work because they match human psychology. Say yes, if someone is inviting you or telling you about an event, coffee up, Say yes. Why? Exposure builds comfort. Third places cafes a coworking that creates micro belonging. WhatsApp groups repeated small interactions, build trust rituals. They are predictable. They create social safety. Talk to people at drop off weak ties, yes, but they increase belonging. Reach out to newcomers, those who are just arriving and beginning the journey. Share vulnerability, builds closeness, patience, and showing up community growth through repetition, patience and showing up. Community is not built by intensity. It's built by consistency. That's why we need to show up and keep showing up. So little yeses, little messages, little coffees, little rituals. So if you are in the middle of building your life abroad or maybe rebuilding it just like me, I want you to hear this. You are not alone. You are not behind. You are not the only one feeling what you're feeling. Your people exist. Your community can grow, and it often starts with something small. That's good news, right? If you want the full list of the 20 tips I've been talking about, you'll find them in our blog. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being there. Thank you for being part of this almost local community. Now, I'm off to my morning coffee and I will share some stories. Behind the scenes from the third Friday circle from tonight, so you can check them out in our Instagram. Almost local. Until the next episode, and thank you for being there.