EP 39: The Childhood We’re Forgetting How to Give with Kimberly Thomson

What if creating a meaningful childhood for your kids wasn’t about doing more—but about doing less, better?

In the Season 3 finale, I sit down with Kimberly Thomson (@grannys_got_greens) on Instagram) a mother of five and grandmother of nearly thirteen, to talk about raising children with intention, calm, and confidence. 

This conversation is full of practical wisdom for moms who feel overwhelmed by modern parenting pressure and are craving a simpler, more peaceful approach.

Where to find Kim: 

Instagram @grannys_got_greens

Website: Granny's Got Greens

Where you can find me: 

Instagram

Read the blog

Shop my activity guides and free downloads

Transcript

Julianne 0:00

Welcome to the My Outdoors Imam Podcast. I'm Julianne, Mom of Three, Outdoor Play Advocate, and the voice behind My Outdoors Imam. Here we talk about raising outdoor confident kids, the kind who build forts, explore creeks, solve problems, and grow into capable humans through real play and real adventure. Each week you'll hear conversations about outdoor play, childhood independence, family travel, and the simple rhythms that help kids thrive. If you want to raise kids who spend more time outside and less time on screens, you're in the right place. Let's get outside. Today's guest is Kimberly Thompson, known online as Granny's Got Greens, and I have a feeling this conversation is gonna feel like you're sitting on a screen porch talking to a wise friend who's just a few seasons ahead in motherhood. I actually found Kimberly on Instagram after coming across one of her reels encouraging moms to put their kids outside regularly so they learn to love being outdoors. And immediately I was struck by the calm wisdom and encouragement she shares from the other side of motherhood. Kimberly is a wife, mother of five daughters, grandmother, longtime homeschool mom, and someone who deeply believes in giving children a peaceful, memorable childhood rooted in freedom, outdoor play, imagination, and family connection. Her family spent years outdoors together, exploring parks and zoos, gardening, raising chickens, and even pursuing falconry. But more than anything, Kimberly is passionate about encouraging younger moms to trust their instincts, embrace motherhood fully, and feel permission to swim upstream from modern culture. Kimberly, I'm so honored to have you here. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you for inviting me. It's really fun. I'd love to start at the beginning because you are a mom of five probably grown women. And when you were raising your girls, what shaped your philosophy around childhood, outdoor play, and home life?

SPEAKER_01 1:53

I had a really great childhood, and I wanted to give my own children a great childhood. And we didn't have a lot of money. So we went outside a lot. And we went to parks and did that kind of thing. And I wanted them to be able to play. And they were all girls, so it was kind of a natural little mob that we had. And I just really wanted to give them a lot of time. I tend to be a I call it white space. My calendar, I like to have white squares periodically. And um, I wanted my kids to have that same feeling that they had time to breathe and play and be kids.

Julianne 2:27

Awesome. You mentioned a neighbor once said you had a very liberal interpretation of weather permitting, which honestly made me laugh because I related that so deeply. And why was getting outside year-round so important to you? Because you live in Indiana. And so, you know, there's a lot of Midwesterners who develop that idea that when it's winter, we gotta hunker down, we gotta stay inside. Why was getting outside so important to you?

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Well, I think having five kids, we have a lovely home, but it's not, you know, there's no 10,000 square feet here. And it was nice to get a friend of mine used to say, get the stink off the kids, you know, send them out. And there was just space for everyone, you know. And if it was snowy, it took just as long sometimes to get them out and get them back in as it did the amount of time they played outside. But usually once I got them out there, they would just play and play and play. And so if it was hot, one summer, a friend of mine, I was really struggling with getting the girls to go outside when it was very, very hot. We did not have a pool, we didn't have a lot of shade at that time. And my friend said, Well, just turn your air conditioning off. And I what? And she said, Yeah, it's that. It's when you walk out from the cold into that wall of heat that it's so off-putting. And she said, if it's really just as hot inside as outside, they will go out. And I did do that, and it worked. And so, you know, we would it would be a little bit like Africa hot in here at night sometimes, but it was worth it because they just flowed in and out then, you know, it was just much more natural. And they just had so much fun outside that then once I like the real you saw that I think you were like, oh, let's do this chat. I say lock them outside, which you know, some people you can lock it, you know. That was not what I meant. It was, you know, hyperbolic. But to I had to sort of encourage them. No, you're gonna go outside, and once they get going, there you couldn't get them back in. But I think it's just so important for them to be outside.

Julianne 4:20

So that is the reel that I found you. And you said, and I again I laughed when I when I heard it because that's exactly what I did, you know. And some people might poo-poo that or want to call the cops on me, but I would simply send my kids outside and I would actually lock the patio door. And my kids were little and they would tap through the glass and they would peer in, they'd ask, Can I get a snack? And I'd I'd show them I have like a visual timer. And so that's how I got through my days is by utilizing this visual timer. And so I'd show them on the timer, no, you have five more minutes outside. Well, and so when we started doing this, it was actually winter time. So they're like, it's cold out here. I'm like, you're you're suited up just fine. Just as my friend said, there's no such thing as bad weather, you know. So that's kind of what got us outside too. And what I still use that tactic to this day. Like sometimes my kids just, you know, they're kind of moping around the house. They're just like not finding anything, nothing's inspiring them. And I just send them outside. And then I lock the door, I start a timer. I said, Well, you know what, let's all spend 15 minutes outside. I think we're gonna feel a lot better. Yes, once we get out there. Yes. But one thing I love that you you kind of go in depth too, and I think you've done this more recently, is you talk about rhythms. And I think that's especially helpful for moms of young kids. And if you can go back and imagine your days as a mom with five daughters, and it can just start to feel like the walls are caving in on you. What kind of rhythms did you develop with your family when your kids were really little that helped you get through your days?

SPEAKER_01 5:49

Well, for me, I always had bedtime in mind. That might sound bad that I would get out of bed in the morning and know that they were going back to bed. There were some days like that, but I always had that hard and fast in my mind. That was not a movable, you know, end of the course. That that I knew that was coming. So that I've told people they're like, how do I start this? I'm like, fix a breakfast time and fix a bedtime and go from there. And I just feel like eating meals, even with my babies, I realized once they got a sort of a cadence going, they were happier and calmer. And I think children do the same thing. They their bodies are regulated and they have food, they know it's coming and they know what's coming next, which is one of the big things I say. If you're trying to get your kids to do something and it's never at the same time, they never know when it's coming, and it's not a desirable thing, right? Like obviously they're gonna go get ice cream happily with you anytime, but I'm talking about a nap time or a rest time or a bath time, whatever it is that your child doesn't like, it helped me to just that was just what we did. We would have dinner, and if it was a bath night, we had a bath, and maybe I would be trimming all their toes. You know, I would toenails, not toes. I'd line them all up. And it, I think it just really gave a rhythm. They didn't really bucket, they might be like, I don't like this, but they kept moving because this was an inevitable part of the day. And so school was like that. We just got up, we had breakfast, and then we did some school. They just knew what was sort of expected. And if we woke up and I said, we're going to the zoo today, that was a big break for everybody, and they rolled with that as well. But the rhythm was largely for me because I like to know what to expect. And I just found that I got a lot less flack and blowback from kids who were like, Oh yeah, it is bath time, or oh yeah, it is time for whatever it is. And I wasn't, you know, we weren't digging ditches over here. So there wasn't a lot, a lot of things that they were having to struggle through, really. So that's what I find a rhythm very comforting and soothing and stabilizing. And it became more and more, oh golly, uh just needed as there were more children. You know, it's a pretty simple uh rhythm when they're small, right? You're just feeding them, you're getting them a nap, you're maybe going for a walk, things like that. There's a lot of leeway. When I had five girls all homeschooling and they were all taking piano lessons, at some point I realized everyone was gonna get their piano practicing done at four o'clock to day seven. And I I was not having that. So I made a very, very, very detailed schedule at that point so that everyone had a slot on the piano, everyone had a slot with me to do whatever subjects it were was that they needed me for. And no one was practicing piano after four o'clock. So when the day was winding down, my nerves weren't being jangled by beautiful, but it's not always beautiful practice, right?

Julianne 8:36

That's so funny you mentioned that because we have a piano too, and we are about to embark on piano lessons, and it's like you said, we want to invite these beautiful things into our kids' home life and their childhood. But sometimes at the end of the day, like the clanging on the piano is a little overstimulating. So I totally get that because it's something it's something that's beautiful, but also, you know, two things can be true in motherhood, right? It's beautiful and it also sometimes grinds my gears a little bit, especially when it's at the end of the day. Right. You're trying to get away. And I think more. Yes, you're trying to get dinner on, it's already loud, the kids are already loud. And I don't know how how you were with your kids inside. I have two boys and a girl, and so they're the boys are just naturally louder than my daughter. Yeah. And I I think that's a part of childhood. And so what I've learned to do now is I actually have earplugs because my kids are a little bit older. I wasn't doing this when they were toddlers and babies, but I'd put earplugs in after school sometimes. Just I typically I tell people it helps me take the edge off of just the sounds. I think sometimes sensory-wise, I get a little overstimulated easily. And so it just lets them be kids, it lets them play loud, be loud, while also kind of help helping to protect my my mental spinning.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

It's jangling. You know, I have grandkids and it is jangling. You know, I look at my daughters and I think, well, I see why you're a little, you know, they're screaming and sometimes it's happy and you don't need to worry about it. Sometimes they've slammed their hand in a door and it's a big deal. So I think that I never thought about putting earplugs in. That could have really been a benefit. So yeah, it's just managing. Like you have the children, you love the children, and how are you going to move through your day so that you don't you don't want to run away every night? Right. And it helped the kids with the schedule because they weren't, they knew they were gonna get a turn at the piano, they knew it was coming, they knew they were gonna see me during the day to help them with X, Y, or Z that they needed help with, and they knew they had time to get things done and there was an end. It was, you know, when this is done, we are done. And if you get done with it early, you've got a little squishy room here. So it, I just think it's invaluable. And I I am by nature now a planner, but I was much more of a fly by the seat of my pants girl. I was like, hey, I want to go to the zoo today. Let's go to the zoo. You know, that was partly why I started homeschooling. It was half day kindergarten in our town at the time. And I was like, this is gonna ruin my whole vibe because I want to go do things and I don't want to have to be back home in the middle of the day to either pick her up from school or drop her off. So I thought, I'll just do kindergarten and we'll move on. So I think that was when the control planning kind of kicked in for me, but I didn't really, I didn't know it, but there it was.

Julianne 11:20

It's so funny you say that because I think too, looking back on my kids' younger years, before I had kids, I was a little bit more free-spirited. Obviously, I had more time. I didn't have three little children relying on me for survival, for sustenance, but I was a little bit more free-spirited and I I had the same attitude of, oh, well, I want to go here. I want to go hike this. And so I think the transition to having children really was difficult for me in the sense that they needed a schedule, and I realized too that I needed a schedule to rely on. And one of the hardest things for me as my kids got a little bit older is that one child in particular needed a schedule and needed to know the details of the day, but didn't know how to read yet. So, did you ever use visual cues or maybe it was songs or rhymes or things like that to help you help children who needed or maybe could benefit from having a schedule or just, you know, little things to remember to help your kids get through the day?

SPEAKER_01 12:16

Yes, I did often at breakfast, I would sort of outline the day. This is what we're going to do today. And I tried to highlight anything that was kind of a little difference or highlight their favorite part of the day. But yeah, those youngest ones, I just, okay, now we're gonna do this. And after this is done, we'll be the next thing to give them a framework and sort of, you know, they don't have any sense of time really, but you you just kind of have to talk them through that for sure. Because it does help when you, I like I had little schedules and I handed it out and then they knew. But when they're like, when am I gonna and a toddler in a homeschool is just just a destructive force that's really people, how do I handle this when I've got all these kids in school and a toddler? And I'm just like day by day, you just keep your sense of humor and you fit it in around the cracks, and your schedule may have to change quite a bit while this little person is there.

Julianne 13:06

So I love that, yes, because we are not a homeschool family, but we have a lot of friends that that we love dearly that are homeschool families, and our school is actually a classical school that has a lot of homeschool families flowing in and out of it, and it was started by five homeschool families. But it's it's just even in those younger years, you know, as we approach summer and balancing the wants and needs of three different kids, or for you, I'm sure, five, five daughters and balancing all the needs of what everyone wants to do in the day. And you can hand some of the bigger kids like a schedule to read. And I found that sometimes just having like pictures to help with the little ones to show them like the order of their day, especially as we discovered one of our kids really needed to know the details, wanted to know the order of the day, and that kind of brought a sense of peace and calm for them. We discovered like little cutouts that I could just put on the wall to say, first this, then this, you know, after we do this, then we do this. And it kind of helped mitigate some of that, perhaps like anxiety about what the day breaks for that particular child.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

I bought tags almost like you would get at a convention that you'd put your name in. But I made little index cards and they had chores written on them. And of course, the big heads, you know, brush your teeth and whatever the various things were. For my tiniest daughter at the time, it's just a picture of a toothbrush, it is a picture of a bed, it's a picture of some clothes, so she knows to put hers away. So you do, you just have to be creative. And I think that's what always surprises me when people are like, oh, this is so boring and it's so repetitive. And I just, I just think you're kind of missing applying your brain to it. You know, treat it like, okay, what if that what if I was managing people at an office? How would I manage those people? Obviously, this is different than that, but it is it's a serious business to manage all of this. So I think I think people are just not necessarily bringing all of their wit and wisdom to the situation and they're bored because they aren't really putting their brain to it sometimes.

Julianne 15:00

I I think that's so profound because like you said, it there's like there's a business to running a family, right? I came from the corporate world and then I came home and I I remember telling my husband, I'm scared. Am I gonna really be able to do this? I we had wonderful family members and nannies that took care of our kids when I was working, and now all of a sudden it was on me, and I started to realize all the things that it took to manage the household and the kids, and I was doing all that when I was still working, but now my kids started to look at me like, okay, well, what are we gonna do next? What are you gonna do to entertain me? And I found myself getting into this habit of feeling like I needed to fill every single minute of my kids' time, especially when they were little. And I don't know about you, but I feel like I kind of grew up in the motherhood era of like sensory bins and activity bins. And of course I grew up in the motherhood era of social media. So I was tempted and I saw all these things online that make this activity bin. And you know what would happen, Kimberly, is I would set something up and my kid would play with it for five minutes. And I went to all that work, I went to the craft store, I got all the supplies, and now there's glitter everywhere, I'm overstimulated. And at one point, I just said, this is not worth my mental state. You talk a lot about this in your content and just the idea of letting your kids be bored, of also how to step into motherhood as the authority for your kids. Can you walk us through, like for someone like me who used to be a sensory bin, activity bin type of mom, what advice would you give to that mom that's just like head down in motherhood, trying to survive, trying to come up with all the things for their kids to do? What would you say to that mom?

SPEAKER_01 16:45

Well, first of all, there's nothing wrong with sensory bins. So I did the same thing, and but I found the same thing. There it was not this three-hour-long entertainment by any means. So I I think what I would just tell people is to trust your instincts on that. If you're not a sensory bin mom, then you don't need to be a sensory bin mom. I was not raised in that, but that was a big idea in the homeschool materials, you know, all these ways, you know, make this cute little thing for them to sort things. And I did. I had so much fun. I spent so much time, and I just was in my husband's workshop, you know, here's some bolts, here's some screws, here's some little clippy things, and an egg carton. And I thought it was so fun. They couldn't have cared less. You know, they were, oh, this is interesting, and they moved on. So that was like, okay, check, don't spend that amount of time on that again. And I mean, you're the my outdoorsy mom. So you at some point thought, I don't need to be doing all of this. There is sensory overload outside, right? There's so much happening, and it doesn't always have to be a big hike. It doesn't have to be a zip line, it doesn't have to be some major yard tool, all these things that are coming out that kids can build or whatever. They can just go outside and be a little bored. And my youngest daughter, on that, let them be bored when she's like, Yeah, they might go out and make a soup in a bucket, you know, like grass, and we'd find it three days later and it smelled like something had died in the backyard, you know. But they had so much fun. I was not, I had to leave that. I couldn't stay in that sensory bin era. Does it make sense? So, like you, you were like, No, this is I know I've got a huge mess, nobody's happy, I'm frustrated. So if you're into that and that butters your bread or whatever, you can do that. But it's okay to not be that. And it's okay to look at, you know, beautiful Betsy on the internet and see her and let her do her thing and you do your thing. You have a totally different soup going on at your house. You have completely different ingredients, and you have to, you can't make clam chowder out of a pot roast. So you have to go, pot roast is great. She's got clam chow. That's also good. But my pot roast can be delicious. What do I do here with this? And I think that alleviates a lot of frustration. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. And if you can get an idea and go, oh, we could incorporate that, or oh, we would never do that. It you just have to keep a little emotional stability and not become, they're doing that, that's probably better than what we're doing. They might be doing something you're not doing for sure, but you're undoubtedly doing something that they're not doing. So lean into your family's dynamic. And, you know, we had all girls. That's a dynamic, right? You have boys and girls. That's a different dynamic. So it's not bad to just say, this is who we are. We are different than the Joneses. And thank goodness.

Julianne 19:35

What if we were all like the Joneses? One thing I love about your content is how calm and confident you are. When I land on your reels, I could just stay there the whole day. You are like this wise friend that is speaking from the other side, and you talk a lot about doing things differently than mainstream culture. How did you develop this confidence as a mom? Was it something that grew over time, or was there somebody that taught you well?

SPEAKER_01 20:01

I think my parents were pretty nonconformist. You know, we grew up in the era, and maybe they still do it, but everybody went to spring break with their friends in high school. I did not ever do that. I was not, that was not on my parents' radar. They took our family, my sister and I, uh, my brother was already in college or married or whatever. Um they took us to Florida or the Gulf. And so we they did that instead. So I kind of had come up with this idea, grew up with this idea that we we aren't needing to do what everybody else is doing. And I somewhat looked around and thought, well, what everyone else is doing is largely producing this product that I'm not after in these kids. So I thought, I don't think I can take the exact same route that everyone else is taking and get a different product. I'm gonna have to figure out a different route. And so it was a little bit of instinct, it was a ton of praying. Honestly, I just prayed. I read a lot of books, I read a lot of old books. I have a book list on my Instagram now that's just for downloading. And they're old books, they're not the current ones, and it just there's some Puritans on there, and they just talk about what kind of character you want in your children. What do you want your family to look like? And what does that mean? And so that was pretty stabilizing for me. We live a little bit out of town, and I was able to just be a little bit of a homebody, which I am. So if you're not a homebody, that can be more tricky because you can get swept in a wave. So I think just having a backbone, I think a lot of parenting is a lot of just fortitude. And did we pivot? Sure. We made some decisions and we're like, eh, we can probably lighten up on this. But I think it's easier to lighten up than it is to clamp down. So, you know, we just kind of kept a pretty tight ship. Here's the guardrails. We're not gonna, you know, we can bump against them, but we're gonna come back in. We're not opening this up too early. Um, I'm trying to remember what book I read where they talked about childhood being a funnel. And you just keep opening it up a little bit as they go. You don't, you know, a two-year-old's funnel is not like this. It's very they have a little path. So I I think a backbone and have some idea what you what your goal is. You know, like are you just trying to keep them out of jail? Are you trying to keep them not kicked out of school? Do you want them to love God and their neighbor? Then you've got to do some things. You've got to model that, and you've got to do some things to keep the wolves at bay.

Julianne 22:36

Hmm. Yeah, you know, you said something in your questionnaire that really stood out to me, and that that many young moms seem unsure of their instincts. And that was so convicting to me because when I think back as a mom, I had three kids under three, but even with my first, you know, it's kind of that saying, you don't know what you don't know. And every first milestone and things like that, I questioned. And I I was reading all the books that I thought I had to read, and I was trying to follow all these milestones and advice. And it really took, of course, having my second and having some wise motherly friends who were seasons ahead of me to like speak into my life and speak into my heart and show me that I didn't have to do things that mainstream culture was telling me to do. But why do you think mothers today are struggling with confidence in parenting?

SPEAKER_01 23:27

When uh somebody caught DM me, message me, and said, We don't know what to do. We've been told that our parents did it all wrong, so we can't go there and we don't know what to do because there are so many voices. And I thought that was so interesting because I feel like that's what I see. They're afraid to say, stop doing that. That is bad behavior because that makes them they hear their mom, maybe and they're like, Oh, I can't, you know, make this rule, which is an interesting reaction, right? Like, we should all pivot and try to improve on our rearing, but throwing everything out is probably not wise either. So I think, you know, you can't be too harsh, you have to let them do everything that they want. You are just the you just follow their whims, then they're exhausted, they're not enjoying their kids, their kids aren't behaving, they can't take them anywhere. And so I just think if if I could empower everybody to be like, it is okay to say, Susie, stop doing that. If you don't stop, you're gonna go to your room for a little bit until you can stop, or I'm gonna take it away, or I'm whatever it is, you know. And give them a little gumption and backbone because I just think they are they're so afraid to do the wrong thing. They're not doing anything. And I do think children come to us, they need a mother. I mean, we aren't guppies, right? Like we don't spit them out and they go swimming away. They need us, they're here for 18 years for a reason. And even year 16, a couple of my kids, I was just like, how's this? You know, I got a couple more years, you know? And so it can look ugly for a little while, but you are the mom and the dad, and you do have more wisdom than them. And it is okay to say, this is where we're gonna live. We're gonna live in this lane. And are they gonna jump over sometimes and you bring them back in? Of course, but you're still gonna be firm because it's so reassuring to them to know that you're there. You know, like I said to somebody else, if you went to the doctor and they were like, Well, this is what we're gonna need to do for your malady, and you said, Well, I heard this other thing would be better. He's like, Oh, okay, you can do that. That would be very unsettling. Like you're coming to him because he's wiser, he knows what's going on. It's not a perfect analogy, but you know what I'm saying. So your kids do need you to hold a line. And again, you can say, you know what, we are gonna allow that now, or we should have not been doing this. We're gonna move the line a little bit here and have it a conversation. We're trying to raise you. We want you to be healthy and whole. You know, it's not this mystery. You're the parent, you're the kid, you're a family, and you're talking about how you're trying to get them somewhere. So it's okay to say, we made a mistake, we're gonna, we're gonna lighten up on that, or whatever it is.

Julianne 26:11

I think that's so powerful to admit when you're wrong. And, you know, I think there is probably a generation of parents from my generation that might have grown up with parents that never apologized or didn't admit when they were wrong. So that can be really tough. One of the most powerful things I've I have found in my own parenting journey is really coming to my kids and asking for forgiveness and admitting when mom has been wrong. Oh, mom's mom does things wrong. I do things wrong all the time. I will fall short of the glory of God. But thank God, you know, there's there's Jesus who loves us despite all of our shortcomings, and that we have the gift of asking for forgiveness from you, from mom, from dad. And it's always a beautiful reconciliation. And so that's something that we've tried to model in our home is just the repentance, right? The asking for forgiveness and then moving forward. We don't keep score, which sometimes can feel really tough, especially for the kids who are battling whether it's toys or turns on the swing. But it's it's not perfect, like you said. And sometimes we hit the bumper, but you know, when you have a goal or a family philosophy or scripture, you know where to turn to, you know where to come back to, and what is true and good, right? So I love that you share so much like wisdom. I like I said, I could just sit and listen to you all day. And one of the things that you said recently that I have found myself catching myself and stopping and reframing how I speak with my kids is you talk about making your come here be soft and tender. And I commented on this, and I'm every single day, I think about you every single day because when I want to tell my kids, like, come here or stop doing that, come here, I want to talk to you. If there was a moment of correction, I would say, stop, come here. And I love that you talk about making your come here soft and tender. Can you dive into that a little bit? Because I think that's just something that as parents, you know, you're in the hustle and bustle and you're like trying to direct your kids or keep them from doing something wrong. But can you talk about that a little bit?

SPEAKER_01 28:11

Yes, I just think I think you can even call them for a correction if the correction is kind and quiet and not embarrassing or calling them out. You could say, hey, buddy, come here. And they can know they're going to be in trouble, but they know that they are coming to someone who's gonna help them. But I think calling a two-year-old to come and clip his toenails, for an example, and then being frustrated that he won't listen to you is just kind of foolish because he's two, A, they really don't want to, they like to do what they want to do. And you're asking him to come for something he doesn't want to come for. So I I just quickly learned I did this wrong for a long time, you know. And my husband and I would each help each other, like, you need to just go get her for that. Quit calling her, even for bedtime. You know, they could all be playing the older ones, would be like, yeah, okay, they might not be happy, but they come, and I would go get the littlest one because she's screaming, you can carry her screaming, she's unhappy, and you just keep moving and it happens. So I think it it just makes sense not to overtax someone on a especially in that training, you're trying to get them to come. Like you want to be able to say, Oh, Johnny, come here. He's out towards the street. You're walking towards him, but you need him. So if he's not sure what he's getting when he comes to you, you're making it a lot harder to train him. So once once that is established, you he can he'll probably come more easily, even if he knows he's in a little bit of trouble. But again, not embarrassing a kid, not, you know, there's ways to correct a child without. I mean, we see this, right? You're out in the store and mothers are just yelling and berating this child who I've already seen two aisles over as being exasperated by this parent. You're just like, oh, this kid, like there's such a trust being broken with that.

Julianne 30:06

I relate it to when I'm trying to give instruction to my sons, especially. And what I used to do, I just like yell instructions from another room, right? And they're running around and they're playing, and I'm like, why isn't anyone listening to me? I'm trying to, we're trying to get out the door, get your shoes on, get your backpacks, get prepared. I think really truly it started to click for me watching some other content from an occupational therapist. And it just reminded me, like in those moments, I try to move towards my kids, especially my sons. I try to, for them, like a physical touch, to put a hand on their shoulder, to whisper into their ear and like give short prompts, like brush teeth, shoes, and then they move, and it's for whatever reason, it's like my voice gets low, and it's that's when they hear me. But I'm shouting and I'm screaming from the other room and like nobody hears me. And it's just one little tweak that I've done in in motherhood that I have found to be incredibly effective. But it's in the same breath as your come here for um tender correction and not to embarrass or berate your children. And I think when you when you come alongside them, whether it's physically or you invite them to come to you for direction, I think the fruit of that, you just see you talked about an example of telling your children stop. There's certain examples that you share in your content and something that I think many parents can relate to, but this whole first-time obedience, right? I think in Christian circles, there's parents who have heard that phrase, but the idea of your children obeying you the first time. And my kids, we do practice first-time obedience. Do they get it right all the time? No, absolutely not. And that's where there's grace, right? There's lots of opportunities for practice. But you talk about it in your content, and there's kind of a like, there's a there's a safety factor to it too. And it it came up for us. We were in a parking structure. You know, you don't know where cars are coming from around the corner. They don't see little kids. Kids are short, they're in their blind spots. And when you say stop, like there are times when your kids have to know to listen to your voice. And I tell my kids every day when we're leaving the school and we're entering the busy parking lot, there's lots of kids, lots of drivers. I tell them, listen to mommy's voice, listen to my voice and follow me. And so kind of help me unpack this because for the listener who's listening and they've never heard of first-time obedience and they're just hounding their head against the wall, like, why doesn't my kid listen to me? What would you tell them?

SPEAKER_01 32:25

I think this is really important. A few people took very great umbrage at that reel where I said you're training your children, and I think I used the word obey. And that was probably the biggest blowback. A lot of people didn't like it when I said lock them outside, which I thought that's that's a good joke. So you're gonna have to deal with that one. But training and obeying are important words. And I I told the one gal, I said, I don't really care what words you pick, but training, I mean, athletes train so that they know exactly what to do in any situation that they confront in their sport. And you we are training children to be adults. So, yes, training is 100% the correct word. And obeying just means minding what your parent says. If you don't think your child needs a parent, then that's a whole worldview thing you've got to work through. Those parents are frustrated that the child isn't listening, whatever the word is that they use. And so, for first-time obedience, in my mind, we're always training the children, whether we're meaning to or not. So the parent who says, if you don't do that, I'm gonna count to one, two, and three, and you've got to come. They have trained the child to not take her seriously until they start counting, or until her voice reaches a certain decibel, or until I've seen their hands come back, or things like this. They are training their child, they're just training them in an environment that is very stressful and unstable, insecure, and ineffective. Although I guess it is effective, it just isn't effective in getting them to mind quickly. So, my point would be that you, if you say it, mean it. So, this me will require you to get up. This is not a matter of we can just do this from the chair. So, if you're gonna tell Susie, pick up her toys, she blows you off, you're gonna need to get up and in some way encourage her to pick up the toys. It's not, it's not passive, it's very active. And so I think the energy that it takes is a little tiring for people, it's exhausting, but it's worth it. I feel like I see people say things like give little directives to the kids that they don't really mean. And I've even done it with my grandkids. I'll be like, I I'm not gonna have a good example, but oh, pick up, pick up the cup, you know, and you're like, I don't really care. The cup is just it doesn't matter. So you try to think, is this something that I need them to do immediately or not? So don't just be throwing things out that you don't care about, because when you throw something out you do care about, they're not gonna know the difference. They're just used to not paying attention. And that again to me is the training. So uh I hate that the word is off-putting to people. I talk, I joked with my husband. I said, I'm just getting this right out of the Bible. Training are the words the Bible uses. So this is not, this isn't new. This is this is old language and accurate language. And I think if we again, it's the goal. What are you just having kids because they're cute and you think it'll be fun to go to soccer games on Saturday? Or do you which all that's all true? But you are actually raising someone to be an adult. And so, what adult do you want them to look like? And how does today go towards that? Obviously, you're not blowing it in a day and you're not sealing the deal in one day. But today is building and it's a consistency issue. Like it's what you're characterized by. It's not, oh, my mom once yelled at me, so she's a bad mom. My mom was like this. Was she perfect? No, she went up and down on this line, but she was always there. She was this was her goal. And I think kids can, they're so forgiving and they love us so much. And I think I think the stability we provide when we require things and we say what we mean and we mean what we say, it's invaluable to them.

Julianne 36:27

Yes, I completely agree. And I think one thing you've talked about too in your content is kind of like something for me that I've noticed in parenting, like pick and choose your battles kind of a thing, you know. I'll say to my kids, like, we're walking out the door in five minutes. You can either get your shoes on first or you can get your jacket on first. Like, which you do, which do you want to do? And it just kind of prevents me from like like having to lay down the hammer and helps give them some choices and some like autonomy and like empowers them to get themselves out and out the door. But I find that there are some things that for whatever reason, I'm just holding on to from a control standpoint as a parent. And I have learned I I have to just let it go, let it go, and save my nose for like when it really matters, right? Or save my kind of like you said earlier, like my directions for when it really matters, like when it when they really, when I really need them to listen to me, if we're in a crowded parking lot, if we're in if we're out shopping in a busy place. But you get there by training all those little moments. And you can do that at home, you can do that in your backyard. You know, it doesn't, you don't have to go out to scary places quite yet, especially if you have little kids. And I know for me, when I was in the thick of raising three kids, like the thought of going busy places was just so anxiety-ridden because I wasn't sure what was going to happen. There was a lot of variables. And I think looking back now, it's like I there were plenty of little moments that I had to train up my kids at home with simple, simple tasks that are very age appropriate that do allow them to practice obedience and first-time obedience and listening to mom in a way that's tender and safe and isn't like you need to do this or stop doing that. But that helps them build up that training, build up that muscle, that memory muscle of listening and obeying to mom and dad. And we are we are always still working on, and I'll say it first-time obedience. I think I think a lot of people might actually be surprised to learn that I we do practice that in my home. Like whether you want to say obedience or even, you know, what another phrase for it is just follow through. When I ask my kids to do something, I want them to follow through on it. And now they're at ages where we talk about what does that look like to be a member of the the Nienberg family? What do we want people to know us by? We want them to know that when they ask us to do something, that we will follow through with that. And so that's kind of a way that, you know, when as my kids are like grumbling through first-time obedience, sometimes I flip the script and I say, like, I want you to be someone who's who does what they say they're gonna do. And that's someone who walks with integrity. That's what the integrity means. We had a conversation recently about integrity, and we're just driving to school in the car and somebody said something, one of my kids said something. I was like, Well, wait a minute, you know, if you do that, then are you doing what you say you're gonna do? What you promised someone that you were gonna do. What does that mean to be someone of integrity? And integrity means that you are someone who's trustworthy, you you hold up to um the promises that you give to people, right? And so those are things, you know, like you said, I think that can be developed in the home. Whether whatever word you want to use it, but we can all envision and picture like the children that are not given opportunities to practice and to be trained up in that way. You can all probably you probably have one one scenario when you've been out in the world, and you know what? Sometimes people, we have a bad day, we have a bad parenting day, kids have a bad day. So we can all understand. But I think, like you said earlier, it just comes from consistency and lots of practice and grace. And so, as a mom of five daughters in your house, I mean, there had to have been lots of opportunity for practice. But what do you think? Like, if you could ask your daughters, what's one word that they would use to describe their childhood?

SPEAKER_01 40:14

I was talking about this with my with one of my daughters recently, and she said, I always knew you loved me. And she said, even when we were clashing, she said, I just always knew you loved me. I sometimes didn't like what you were requiring of me. And but she said, I never questioned that you were doing it out of anything but loving me. So I guess, you know, I would have to have them answer that question for themselves overall, but um, I that's that's fresh in my mind.

Julianne 40:42

Wow. And so how old are your daughters now?

SPEAKER_01 40:45

The oldest is 33 and the youngest is 21. And the 21-year-old got married um in the fall, in September. So we are officially totally empty nest here. So and how many grandkids do you have? Well, we have this is a little bit of an announcement. Not everybody knows this, but that we have numbers 12 and 13 are baking.

Julianne 41:06

Wow. Yeah. 12 and you're about to have so you have 11 grandkids as we speak. Oh, do you get a chance to to babysit, to watch and take care? Do they all live close by? What is that like as a grandma?

SPEAKER_01 41:20

Five of them live in town now. Four of them just moved into town in January. So they were far away in North Carolina, and they just moved here in January. So that has been super amounts of fun. One has lived here since he was born, so that's been really a treat because I've had a different experience with him because he's just known me. You know, the others have known me, but you know, when you're two and under, you get to know your granny after she's there a couple days again. Right. She's new every time. And so that's been kind of fun to have him here the whole way through. And then there are six others about six hours away each. And yeah, it's just, it's it's an out-of-body experience. You know, you're not prepared in a way, you know, people are like, I can't believe you're a grandmother. And I'm like, I know, but those children are mine, and they have had children, and that is literally the definition of me being a grandmother. So here we are. But it's fun. They some of them go to school, some of them are homeschooled, and there's, you know, a lot of preschoolers as well.

Julianne 42:21

So well, now that you're a grandmother, looking back on those years of rearing small young children, or even helping, you know, coming alongside your your children to help rear their children, your grandchildren. What do you think mattered most in the end?

SPEAKER_01 42:36

I think being there and having having a mindset you know what you're about. So it the seasons change so quickly, they don't feel like it, but very quickly, someone is not saying frige freighter, they're saying refrigerator. And you're you've wiped their bottom for the last time and you probably didn't realize it. And they climbed into your bed because they were scared in the night for the last time, but you didn't know that. And it just goes very quickly, and each season has really fun aspects and hard aspects, and it it just it morphs, and it's just a it's a good journey, it's very taxing and it did require a lot of prayer. I'm just so thankful that for God's grace. And I just we always I always prayed. I was like, if there's an error made, it will not be a negligent one. It will be one that I made literally in error out of my best judgment at the time. And so I think that that has been the best thing in this season is to know I didn't really leave anything on the table. I made mistakes. I'm not saying that, but I didn't abdicate and I didn't just leave and I didn't throw up my hands when I thought I I about had it. I don't know what to do. Well, I'm gonna figure out what to do. I'm gonna try something else tomorrow. And so I would just encourage people to. Keep keep at the drawing board. Okay, that didn't work. We'll pivot and we'll try something else with this kid tomorrow, or we'll pray, or we'll talk it out, or whatever. Just don't don't have regrets that you didn't give it your best. We are not guaranteed how it's gonna turn out, but we are guaranteed some regret if we if we just give up and don't keep after it for the kids' sake. I just remember thinking, I can't give up on this girl because I owe it to her to give her everything I have got until I don't, you know, I'm not responsible or she won't take it anymore. And we never got to that point. But I there were, you know, there were a couple times I was like, not I don't ever want any of my content to imply that if you would just do it the way I did it, you will have no trouble like I had no trouble. We I am constantly in there saying, I did this wrong. I learned this. Try to not go down the path. Try to try to this helped me. And again, some things don't resonate with others, and that's fine. I've tried to have it be permission, not a prescription, if that makes sense. Like if this helps you, if this makes, oh, this makes sense of this whole situation I'm in, super. If you're like, uh, we're not really like that, my husband wouldn't do it, then chuck it.

Julianne 45:18

That's fine. I know one thing that really resonated with me too is you know, if you have a partner, a spouse that works long days, and you talked about kind of like take it from me who did things the wrong way for many time many years. And it was such a such a great encouragement, truly, Kimberly, because sometimes, especially when your kids are really little, and if you are in a position of staying home with your children and your spouse works long days, and even in your content, you said, My husband was working so that we could have food, we could have this and that. And the encouragement was just, you know, to greet them with a hug and a kiss when they come home and to always speak highly of your spouse to your children. I'm sure there's a lot of moms listening who have littles who feel like the days are long and the days are long. Like there are some days that you're just like, Lord, get me through this day. Let me get get get me through this morning. And I can remember those days. And I know we've got summer coming up, and it's funny because I start off June really strong. Like I am like fun mom. Like we're gonna do all the things, mom. I'm ready. My energy level matches your level, and we are moving at a little bit of a slower pace in the morning. So I've got energy for days, and then come July, I start to get a little, you know, the wheels are starting to come off. And come August, I'm like, whoo! And um, as a stay-at-home mom, you know, it the kids are are with me for most of the day. And my husband works, you know, like a traditional job. And when he comes home, he has a couple of hours that he spends with the kids. And it can feel challenging sometimes to not be cranky at the end of the day because you are at your wit's end with children. But that was really encouraging to me to just remember that to greet your husband and to greet him warmly and to also remind your kids too that that the time with daddy is special and that he's out there working hard for the family. So I that personally encouraged me. I'm glad.

SPEAKER_01 47:02

I'm glad. And I yeah, it was a real turning point in our whole marriage, really. It was not a small thing. And I mean, those guys are he my husband was not out with friends after work. He was working. So his long day was different than mine, but it was long and he was tired, and it wasn't fair for me to act like he was in Cabo golfing while I was raising the kids. He was working his fanny off, and happily so, so that I wouldn't have to go to work. He wanted us to have me at home, so yeah, it was it was a bit he will tell people about that. Like it would the Lord was very merciful because I don't know that my motives were totally pure. I think I was so frustrated, and I thought, well, these kids are gonna see me be nice. And if somebody comes out of this stinking, it's not gonna be me. And so my motive was almost wicked, really, in a way, because I thought they're gonna see me smiling, and it wasn't it was that more of a little bit of a dark motive, but I quickly did smile and he smiled back, and then I felt like smiling.

Julianne 48:13

I can imagine just so many tender moments come from that when you choose kindness, when you're mustering that kindness and the fruit that comes from it, right? Because you're not like snapping, you're not being cranky, like there's no good fruit that really comes from that.

SPEAKER_01 48:29

And I loved this guy. I mean, uh, this wasn't I just was I was just very tired. And I'm sure I made him more tired when he got home. And it it really, it was really miraculous. It I smiled, he found his way, he he he just forgave so quickly. And we hadn't really been fighting, I just was edgy and he sensed that I wasn't edgy anymore.

Julianne 48:53

I love that with your content too. You uh you kind of almost always open and preface with like, trust me, because I did this wrong for so many years. So I want to impart this wisdom to you so that you can maybe get a head start and not spend your years spinning the wheels like I did. So, Kimberly, if you could sit down with young moms today and tell them one thing not to miss about these years, what would it be? Goodness.

SPEAKER_01 49:17

I think probably the thing that is so tiring is the children's needs and demands and them wanting to be with you. And I wouldn't miss that. Because you will miss that. You won't miss that they need you because their diaper is poopy. You won't miss the need that they're whining, but you will miss that you are their person, right? Like they grow up and they'll find another person, likely, or they'll find friends and they'll just grow up and not need you as much. That is that's good. So don't get bogged down in the tasks and miss the forest for the trees. Like these little people are so sweet. And even 12-year-olds who are a little not as sweet all the time, they don't always smell as good, whatever. Um, they need you. And they it's I just wouldn't miss that. It's it's what it just warms your heart, even if it taxes you because you aren't always sure how to, you know, the poopy diaper's easy. I can I can take care of that for you all day long. The needs are get a little more complicated and you need more wisdom, but it's a blessing if you have taken care of them and you're a trustworthy place, they'll bring you that stuff too.

Julianne 50:32

And that is invaluable. You know, it's it's funny because I am entering that season and I see it in so many little ways. We were at the beach on Memorial Day, and it's like a changing of the guard. You know, you are you're their whole center of their universe. And all of a sudden, if you're doing things right, they're growing up into little people that want to build relationships with other people and they're building friendships. And so I saw that we we go to the lake nearby, and I've got into a season of parenting where my kids, well, they're capable swimmers, but also they're able to run around and just like play with their friends and occupy themselves. And, you know, my daughter set up a little area with her friend where they brought some paints and a blanket and a book and they had their little cove. And it just hit me. It hits you in those small moments that, like, yeah, there's there was a time when I was having to do everything. I was having to do everything and occupying every single moment of their day. And now they're just these little people who are, you know, finding independence. They are exerting their free will, they are, you know, building relationships with others, and those are all very good things, right? And so, as my kids, you know, I've got nine, seven, almost nine, I should say, seven and a five-year-old. And yeah, like you'll never you never know when you're gonna hold their hand for the last time or like pick them up, you know, and like have their little legs wrap around you. So I'm totally feeling that piece of advice in terms of just trying to soak them all up and don't miss these moments. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:04

Thank you for that. They do still, they still come to you, you know, they're independent, they want their friends, they do all that. But when the rubber hits the road, they're sitting on the end of your bed. Hopefully, right? Talking to you. And so this is all fine, but your home base is like, it's like a little bungee cord and they'll go out and eventually the bungee breaks and they go, right? But I feel like in those years it's like, oh, I'm I can go, go, go. And then, you know, it just gets longer. Like they it pulls them back faster early on, and then you're like, oh, they're going a little further. Now they're going to so the bungee is a blessing, even as you're a little taxed at times. It is tiring. There's no question that just to me, I've told my daughters, if you're tired, you're doing it right. If you're not tired, you're probably doing something wrong because you aren't giving it your all. Because it is a big job. It's not because it's a small job that people don't want to do it. I think it's too big a job. And people are like, I'm gonna go, I'm going to an office. I'm gonna smell nice, I'm gonna be with people who smell nice, I'm gonna be people who give me money or bring me food. This is too hard. So, and that's what my husband would often say. He'd leave me, you know, some mornings I'd be like, please don't leave me. He was like, I know your job is way harder than, you know. So it's just, it's worth it. It's worth it. And that that's what I would have to say at this standpoint.

Julianne 53:30

Before we wrap up, Kimberly, I want to do some rapid fire questions, which I've been asking some guests, and these are just as they sound. First thing that comes to your mind, I've got about I've got about 10 questions. So are you up for it? Let's do it. Okay. Your favorite season on the homestead? Summer. Coffee on the porch or a walk outside? Walk outside. Okay. Uh favorite bird. Probably a rose-breasted gross beak. I'm gonna have to look this up. This looks beautiful. We have you ever used that Merlin bird app to hear the birds. I know what you mean. Yes. You're you're probably so seasoned that you just know.

SPEAKER_01 54:09

But my kids and I I have books. I'm like pre-app world. You know what I mean? Like, I'm this person, that person's like, oh, let's do this, and like get an app, and you're like, oh my gosh.

Julianne 54:18

So but I have but we have yes, well, we have that bird app, and we're just sitting on the back porch, and all of a sudden it'll pop up, it'll show you, it'll highlight the exact bird that's chirping, that's you know, creating that beautiful bird song. And we sat outside and my kids were like watching it and they were listening, trying to match, and all of a sudden, just like 10 different types of birds were like just singing all over our backyard, and it was so cool to see as it would highlight, you know, just a robin or like a cardinal or some black some red-winged blackbird. And it was so fascinating. Birds are okay. Next question most underrated childhood activity playing outside, a sound that instantly reminds you of motherhood.

SPEAKER_01 55:01

My goodness. I think a little kid just laughing, like just that uncontrollable giggle that a little, little kid will get is just not the best. Precious. One thing that modern moms overcomplicate. One thing, golly, I think they overcomplicate teaching their children things. We were even talking, like when a child brings you a cup of something or even a silly thing they've made, and you say, Thank you for bringing this to me. You've trained them just right then. This is a good thing. Like, bring me things. So I think it's enjoy the children and be kind to them and expect a lot out of them. It's really not that complicated. I love that. A favorite memory from homeschooling. I think I liked our snow days because we would often take school off and the kids would just play outside all day. And um we would, you know, they were just fun. It was just a happy we loved being snowed in with nowhere to go. And best if we had a bunch of plans that got canceled. We love a snow day too. All right, garden or chickens? I don't think I can choose. I have more stamina for the chickens. I'm really good. I'm I'm kind of with you. Like I'm really good with the garden in May when I'm planting it, and I'm not as great in August when it needs a lot of water.

Julianne 56:21

Yes, that's that was me in July. I was like, ooh, and full sun, it was just it's difficult. It's it's challenging. All right, favorite weather for being outside. 75 and sunny. I know. That's like the perfect temperature for me. I mean, I could tolerate 80, but if it's there's a breeze, I can tolerate 80. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:38

I mean, we have a pool, so anything is hot, it's great, but perfect for everything. You can just do anything in 75 and sunny.

Julianne 56:46

Yes, spoken like a true Midwestern gal. Kimberly, before we wrap up, I always ask my guests to leave listeners with one simple challenge they can try this week, and it's an outdoorsy challenge. So, what would be one outdoorsy challenge you'd give moms who want to create a more peaceful, connected childhood for their kids?

SPEAKER_01 57:07

I would find a place to take them all on a walk that you can just amble and it's pretty and there's no agenda, and you stop and look at flowers or listen to the birds, and it's it can be free and enjoyable. And again, we're not trying to get mileage in, we're not trying to get steps in, we're just walking and talking and throwing rocks in water or whatever. That's and I would try to do it many times a week.

Julianne 57:32

I love that. All right, listeners, your outdoorsy challenge is to go for a walk, let your kids just dawdle and notice and do this a lot. Try to do this several times in your week if you can. Kimberly, this conversation truly did feel like just sitting down with a wise friend who is a few seasons ahead in motherhood. I think so many moms are craving permission, like you said, to slow down, to trust their instincts, to perhaps let their kids play outside longer and to not do things exactly the way that culture says they should. And so I love that your message reminds us that childhood doesn't have to be overcomplicated to be beautiful. And so for listeners who want more of Kimberly's encouragement and wisdom, you can find her on Instagram. It's at grannies underscore got greens. The grannies is with an S, underscore got underscore greens with an S at the end. Kimberly, thank you so much for being here and for encouraging younger moms so faithfully. Thank you for inviting me. It was really fun to talk to you. I appreciate it so much, and I hope everybody has a great day. Thanks so much for spending part of your day with me here on the My Outdoors E Mom podcast. If this episode resonated with you, it would mean so much if you followed the show, shared it with a friend, and left a five star review. That's the best way to help more parents discover these conversations and raise kids who love being outside. You can find me over on Instagram at My Outdoors EMO, where I share simple ideas to help kids play outside more every day. Thanks again for listening. Now go open the back door.