We all loathe that terrifying crunch of gear that comes in relationships – especially if we don’t see it coming, or pretend we don’t – that begins with “It’s not you, it’s me”. Sometimes, of course, you don’t even get that far, careering off the road on the oily skid mark that is “I think I see us more as friends”.
It’s a form of rejection just like any other, despite being a very soft letdown. Even though this person is saying they still want us around, we concentrate on the opportunities denied us – love, romance, sex. They’re offering us a lifetime of friendship, and yet all we can see is what they’re withholding.
The process of being quickly categorized out of romantic range is known as friend-zoning – a kind of grim term that reinforces the idea friendship is a downgrade and standing in the way of your orgasm – and is more usually employed in heterosexual relationships, when a woman decides the best way to destroy any romantic notions is to allow a man residual, albeit platonic contact. Often the friend-zoner means this genuinely, but sometimes it’s a bargain they make to stop you getting mad at them, to let you down gently. Annoyingly, women are taught to consider only the man’s feelings when rejecting them – probably because men are, in turn, conditioned to believe any form of rejection is about them personally and a slight against their manhood. And we know what happens when men get angry. It shouldn’t be this way. So, here's everything you need to know about the friend zone..