After the Whistle: Thoughts Are Not Laws

In this After the Whistle segment, we unpack how self-doubt and the inner critic can shape our performances and the way in which we lead others. Drawing on insights from Cleveland Guardians' Major League Manager, Stephen Vogt, and research from Ethan Kross, you’ll learn how to challenge unhelpful thoughts, interrupt mental spirals, and take control of the most important conversation you have each day.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

One of the things I've observed as a mental performance coach is that an athlete or performer's biggest battle is rarely visible. It's not always what happens in public, it's what's happening underneath on an internal basis. It's their internal conversation that starts maybe after a mistake or after a failure, maybe even after a difficult moment. And sometimes that internal dialogue, it can be incredibly unhelpful. It can be even berating and very self-critical and even sometimes convincing of lies that are not actually true. But those thoughts, they don't just show up for players. They can show up for coaches, they can show up for leaders, they can show up for parents, they can show up really for anybody who's responsible for guiding others while also being under their own microscope. So in my recent conversation with Steven Boat, he shared a very simple way that he tries to handle these moments. So today on the podcast, and more specifically this after the whistle segment, we're gonna build off of my conversation with Steven Bo and we're gonna discuss the voice in your head and how learning to question it can change how you lead and how you perform. Hey coaches and leaders, I got a quick question for you. You spend a lot of time building game plans for those you lead, but when was the last time you built one for yourself? If you're looking to sharpen your leadership skills, strengthen your team culture, or find better ways to support and challenge your athletes in the mental game, I'd love to help. I'm offering a free coaching call where we can talk through your current challenges and create a simple game plan for what might move the needle most for you, your players, and your program. Most coaches I know obsess over developing their team, but they neglect the person in the mirror. This call is a chance to invest in you because a better you is going to produce a better them. And if that sounds helpful, you can grab a time at Callinly.com slash Zach Brandon. That's Callendly.com slash Zach Brandon, or just check the link in the show notes. I'd love to connect and explore how I can best support you. So really one of the things that I appreciate most about Voter is in this conversation and just in general is how vulnerable he can be. Now, if you've listened to any press conferences with him, if you spent any time around him, I think you can pick up pretty quickly that he's not afraid to show that he's human. He's doesn't hide from what he's wrestling with. He'll be not afraid to kind of wear his emotions on his sleeve. And I think it's one of the things that make him enduring to a lot of people and why a lot of people connect with him. And I think there was one moment in our conversation that really kind of stuck with me afterwards because here you have this major league manager, someone leading at the highest level, openly talking about things like imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and the lies that can creep into our own heads.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Here's how he described it that idea of imposter syndrome it's all about when you start to hear those lies creep into your head. Hey, you're you don't know what you're doing, you have no idea that was dumb, you're an idiot. Like you can buy those lies. And if you buy those lies, I promise you it's gonna continue to get negative. But I think that's where the awareness is of the way you're talking to yourself in your head. Um that's one of my strengths, is the awareness of my thoughts. I've worked extremely hard at being aware. And I'll catch a negative thought and I'll be like, whoa, where'd that come from? Why what's true about that? Yeah, that's not true, move on from it. And that's my process is I always ask the question of what's true. Because we can buy our we can make up some unbelievable lies in our head that'll take us down a negative path. But if you don't nip it in the bud right away, it can spiral into a 24 to 48 hour just absolute crush fest on yourself.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Now, what I love about his approach is not just the simplicity of the tool or the question he poses to himself, but it's also the fact that when a negative thought shows up, he doesn't necessarily try to eliminate it or erase it. He simply questions it. Is that true? And that question can disrupt the pattern because our brain, it's really good, and we've talked about this on a number of episodes, at creating stories that can feel real, but they're not always accurate. We have maybe a tough decision that we have to make. And then afterwards, if it doesn't go the way that we want it to, maybe we start to think like, well, I don't know what I'm doing here. Maybe you have a mistake that all of a sudden turns into this story of like, what was I thinking that was stupid? Um, or maybe you go through a stretch of adversity or a stretch where you're putting in a lot of work and it's not paying off. And then next thing you know, you start to question whether or not you belong. And if those moments, or if in particular those thoughts go unchallenged, they can compound and they can start to weigh us down. And I think this matters a lot for leaders. What I would say is we inherently, I think, get this from a performer lens, from an athlete lens. I think there's all the research now out there, there's viral clips, athletes talking about their inner dialogue and their self-talk. But I think we forget sometimes that leadership acts as a magnifier for self-talk too. Because when you're responsible for outcomes, decisions, and other people's performance, your brain is gonna constantly shift into a lot of like evaluation mode. You're not gonna just ask yourself, okay, well, did we win? Did we execute? You're gonna start to ask things like, did I handle that appropriately? Did I make the right decision? Should I have done something a little bit different? What do I need to tell that person next time so that way we can course correct this for all of us? You're being evaluated not just again by your performance, but by others. And you don't fully control that. So the stakes can feel higher, the scrutiny can feel even on a more magnified level, and that internal dialogue can get loud. And I think this is actually where the work of Ethan Cross becomes really helpful. In his book, Chatter, Cross explores the role of our inner voice and how it can either be one of the greatest tools for us, or it can be one of our biggest obstacles and threats. Now, at a high level, his work basically uh boils down to your inner voice is not a problem. In fact, it's essential. It can be incredibly useful because it can help us reflect, it can help us process, it can help us make sense of our experiences. But the problem is when that voice turns into what he calls chatter. Chatter is when your thinking becomes repetitive, very negative, maybe even consuming. It's when your mind gets stuck replaying a moment, overanalyzing a decision, or just even catastrophizing uh a worst-case scenario that may happen that I don't know about you all, but most of the things I've ever catastrophized in my own head have not actually occurred. They haven't actually materialized in reality. But when all of this happens, it doesn't just start to affect how we feel. It can hijack our attention and our focus. It pulls us away from what matters most, which is the next decision, the next rep, and the next opportunity we have to lead. And I think that's why vote's question here can be really valuable because is that true? Create separation between you and the thought. And once you create that separation, you regain the ability to choose your next response. So, what are some ways that we could apply this? I think one of the first principles that I like to share with performers is that our thoughts are not laws. Just because you have a thought doesn't mean you have to believe it or follow it for that matter. They don't have these thoughts aren't commands, they're not laws. So here's a quick exercise to illustrate it. I want you to take your hand and now take two fingers from your other hand and tap the back of the other one. Now, while you do this and you're tapping over and over again, I want you to repeat to yourself, I can't tap my hand, I can't tap my hand, I can't tap my hand. And yet, if hopefully you're doing this right, you're still tapping. It's simple, it's kind of silly, but I think it illustrates something critical. You don't have to obey your thoughts. And once you realize that, it actually creates way more freedom for all of us in how we perform and how we lead that just because we have a thought doesn't mean we have to indulge it. Doesn't mean that we have to follow it like it's some rule dictating or guiding our life. So that's the first thing is to understand just the the differentiation or that distinction that thoughts are not laws and we can create space with them. The second thing is kind of what Steven talked about, which is like make sure you catch the thought as quickly as you can. The goal isn't to eliminate them necessarily, because honestly, like if you try that, like good luck. I've yet to meet somebody that's really good at just um erasing negative thoughts. I heard somebody say this once, like, well, you don't have a delete button in your brain. But what you can do is you can catch those negative thoughts earlier, and then that way you can ask yourself better questions to guide you and your focus to whatever's most important next. Um, and as Vogue said, if you don't nip it early, next thing you know, it'll spiral into hours, into days, and you can start to beat yourself up over it. Um, so that's why I like when he talks about like where did that come from? And just poking holes in that thought um to understand is it valid, is it not? Is there evidence for it? Um, under certain circumstances, what's when is this true? When is it not true? And again, that awareness can help to start to create um a shift where you can respond more effectively. So, lastly, what I want to share here is that um I've I've long known this with performers, but I think I'm just starting to recognize or maybe just hear it more in coaches, leaders, different performers that I'm working with, even just beyond like between the lines, is that it's not always the weight of our circumstances that can weigh us down. It's the weight of our self-talk. Because when challenges arise and our interpretations or the way we speak to ourselves, um, all of a sudden starts to compound what we're feeling into it magnifies pressure, it's gonna make it very difficult for us to have that mental freedom and space to like move forward more effectively. So, as a coach, as a leader, I would caution this like before you think about okay, what's a new course that I need to take? What's an another convention I need to do? What's a new book? What's a new podcast, even, what's a new strategy or drill? Like, I'm not saying none of those things aren't valuable or important they are. But also, maybe one of the more overlooked ways that you can immediately start to improve your leadership is to pay attention to the voice in your head because you're the most important person that you're gonna talk to every single day. That internal voice, it never shuts off. It's always there. And if you don't learn to occasionally question it, poke holes in it, and and really again, it starts with awareness and just simply start to notice where your mind goes, I think you run the risk of not being able to show up as your best self and from a space of freedom, not just to perform, but to lead. And I think when you start to pay attention to it, it can actually upgrade how you live, how you lead, and really everything that you do in between. Thanks for listening.