Use the Difficulty: A Simple Rule for Challenging Moments

None of us get to choose when difficulty shows up in our lives, but we do get to choose if (and how) we use it. In this episode, we break down why most people waste difficult moments and Zach shares a story from the actor Michael Caine that can shift how we respond to and view the inevitable adversity we confront.

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Transcript

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It doesn't really matter what you're pursuing. You can be striving for something small, something ambitious, something within your comfort zone, or something meaningful that you know won't be easy. But either way, difficulty is going to be pretty much guaranteed. There are going to be moments that don't go as planned, things that you didn't anticipate, and obstacles that you certainly didn't ask for. And the higher the level that you want to perform at, the less avoidable those moments become. So today on the podcast, I want to discuss a simple idea that can be a separator for people over time. How, if at all, do they embrace difficulty? Do you fight difficulty or do you learn how to use it? Hey coaches and leaders, I got a quick question for you. You spend a lot of time building game plans for those you lead, but when was the last time you built one for yourself? If you're looking to sharpen your leadership skills, strengthen your team culture, or find better ways to support and challenge your athletes in the mental game, I'd love to help. I'm offering a free coaching call where we can talk through your current challenges and create a simple game plan for what might move the needle most for you, your players, and your program. Most coaches I know obsess over developing their team, but they neglect the person in the mirror. This call is a chance to invest in you because a better you is going to produce a better them. And if that sounds helpful, you can grab a time at Callenly.com slash Zach Brandon. That's Callenly.com slash Zach Brandon, or just check the link in the show notes. I'd love to connect and explore how I can best support you. Now the inspiration for the episode today comes from something that was shared by the actor Michael Kane. He's one of the most accomplished actors of his generation. He's a two-time Academy Award winner, and he's got a career that spanned multiple decades now. And early in his career, he was rehearsing a stage play. He was backstage, kind of waiting for his cue. And on stage, there was this intense improvised argument happening between two actors. And at one point, one of them decides to throw a chair and it gets stuck and lodged in the doorway. But now it's Kane's moment to enter the scene and he tries to open the door, but he couldn't quite get through it. So he cracks it open, looks in, and says, Sorry, I can't get in. There's a chair in the way. And after the rehearsal, the director pulled him aside and shared a really important lesson with him. He said, Use the difficulty. Now Kane was confused. He didn't quite understand really what he meant. So he asked him, like, what do you mean by that? And the director explained, if it's a comedy, trip over the chair. If it's a drama, pick it up and smash it. But whatever you do, don't stop the scene. Use what's there. Use the difficulty. Kane said this moment presented a really valuable shift in his mindset for him, not just as an actor, but really within his entire life. He later said that this became something that he'd repeat to his kids that when something would go wrong, when something didn't go their way, he'd remind them, use the difficulty. Because in his words, there's never anything so bad that you can't use at least a fraction of it to your advantage. Even if it's small, it still counts. Now I really like this sentiment because I think difficulty is a constant for for all of us in life. It comes gift-wrapped in many of the pursuits and experiences that we have day to day. So maybe the shift isn't in trying to reduce these moments, but in recognizing how often they're actually giving us something to work with and really ultimately to grow from, even when it doesn't feel like it, even when it's inconvenient, even when it's not what we wanted. What most people do is in these particular moments, it's almost like they mentally uh we'll say step out or they they hesitate, they resist, they wish that it didn't happen to them. And in doing so, they lose access to what's actually available inside of it, which is where the real which is where the real value lies. Now there's a good example of this that comes from Rory McElroy. A few years ago, he talked about he read the book The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holliday. And he said it had a pretty uh profound shift in his own perspective. He said, this is a direct quote from Rory, it forced me to embrace difficulty, embrace impediments in my way. I don't necessarily seek out failure, but if it comes, I've learned to welcome it. What an awesome shift in mindset. Rory isn't purposefully chasing failure per se, as much as he's ensuring that he doesn't waste potential growth opportunities that are afforded within failure. And I think this is a great illustration of using the difficulty in sport. So this week, for you, the goal maybe isn't to avoid the inevitable hard moments, it's to use them. When something doesn't go your way, instead of immediately resisting it, ask yourself something like, What is this asking of me right now? How can I use this? What would it look like to embrace this instead of fight it? All you can ask is simply doing it just a little bit better than you normally would. Doesn't have to be perfect because none of us can control when difficulty shows up, but we all can control what we choose to do with it. So the next time something doesn't go your way, just remember you don't have to like it, but you can still use it. And that might be the exact edge you need to go to the next level. Thanks for listening.