Spotlight vs. Lighthouse Leaders

Are you leading to be seen or to help others feel seen? In this episode, we break down the difference between “spotlight” and “lighthouse” leadership. One is focused on perception. The other is focused on service.

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Transcript

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A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to be a keynote speaker at a company's annual conference. And one of my favorite parts of these types of experiences isn't just getting to share on stage, it's sitting in the audience and listening to the other speakers. Some of the speakers that I've come to admire the most are the ones who make you feel like they're speaking directly to you. It's like they understand exactly what's going on in your world, what you're thinking about, maybe even if you haven't put words to it yet. And then the best part is they don't just leave you there. They give you a sense of direction, they give you clarity on what to do next, and hopefully they give you something that you can take with you and use. Now, on the other hand, there are speakers that you listen to and you can't help but feel like in the moment, it's about them. They're so polished, they're saying all these impressive things, but sometimes it just feels like they're performing and not really actually connecting with you and the rest of the audience. And you walk away just not really clear on exactly what to do next for yourself, you're just more aware of them. And it's the same stage, it's the same opportunity for someone, and yet they both can have very different impact. So today on the podcast, I want to talk about what creates that difference and how it shows up not just in public speaking, but in coaching and leadership. Hey coaches and leaders, I got a quick question for you. You spend a lot of time building game plans for those you lead, but when was the last time you built one for yourself? If you're looking to sharpen your leadership skills, strengthen your team culture, or find better ways to support and challenge your athletes in the mental game, I'd love to help. I'm offering a free coaching call where we can talk through your current challenges and create a simple game plan for what might move the needle most for you, your players, and your program. Most coaches I know obsess over developing their team, but they neglect the person in the mirror. This call is a chance to invest in you because a better you is going to produce a better them. And if that sounds helpful, you can grab a time at Callenly.com slash Zach Brandon. That's Callinly.com slash Zach Brandon, or just check the link in the show notes. I'd love to connect and explore how I can best support you. Every time a speaker takes the stage, there's an opportunity for them to internally ask themselves this question. Am I taking the stage to be a spotlight or a lighthouse? A spotlight draws attention to itself. It's concerned with visibility, with how it looks, with how it's being received or judged. A lighthouse, on the other hand, serves a very different purpose. It's not trying to be admired, it's there to guide, it's there to offer a vision and provide clarity to help others navigate. And that's a very crucial difference. Being focused on yourself versus being focused on what others need. Now, depending on where you direct your focus, you're going to leave the audience feeling dramatically different. Now, I first heard this idea and this distinction articulated this way from Jess Ekstrom, who used it in the context of public speaking. But the more I've thought about it, the more I believe it applies to leadership at just about any level. Because when you step into a room, whether it's a locker room, a meeting room, or even a one-on-one conversation, you're generally going to lean in one of two ways. You're either going to be really concerned with your perception and how you're being evaluated. So you're going to think of things like, well, how do I look? Do I sound credible? Am I saying the right things? What are they thinking about me? Or you can be concerned with service and support. What do they need most right now? What would help them feel more grounded? What would help give them clarity on what to do next and actually help them move forward in their lives? Now, psychologists have long talked about something called the spotlight effect, which is our tendency to overestimate how much we think other people notice us. We think everybody's paying way more attention to our mistakes, our awkwardness, our imperfections, our tone, our appearance than they really are. And on top of this, when we feel an increased level of pressure to perform, it will also have a way of pulling us into or toward the spotlight. The bigger the moment, the higher the stakes, the more we're gonna feel like we're being evaluated. And then the more likely we are to turn our attention inward and we start to monitor ourselves. And slowly leadership becomes less about serving the moment and more about managing how am I being perceived? We no longer maintain our presence to the moment with the audience, but rather we feel like we have to be the performer on the stage, making sure that everybody else has a good experience so that way they don't leave criticizing us. And when that happens, we also start to do things that diminish our impact. They diminish our our words. We start to overexplain because we want to try to sound smart. We sometimes will avoid like the difficult or more hard truths just to protect how they might be received. We default to something that's gonna feel a little bit safer than what's actually really needed, and we just lead in ways where our main focus, even if it's subconsciously, is just like I gotta protect my own image. And that what that does is that pulls you away from actually developing the people that you're you're serving. But on the other side of this, the most effective leaders, they operate with a different orientation. They don't walk into a room needing something from it, they walk into the room ready to bring something to the people in it. And this is where the idea overlaps with servant leadership, which is introduced by Robert Greenleaf. You're not there to be the main attraction, you're there to help people. And when you have this at the front of your mind, you're generally gonna listen better. You're generally gonna keep things a little bit more simple because it's gonna be less about you explaining and sounding smart and just making sure that they get exactly what they need, you're more intentional with how you talk, you're more willing to maybe tell the truth, and you're just less concerned with being liked and more concerned with being useful. And over time, I think that builds a lot of trust. So if you're a leader, how could you apply this? Or what are kind of I think maybe a few things to remind yourself of? I think the first is to simply ask yourself that first question before a meeting, a practice, or a conversation, ask yourself, am I walking in here as a spotlight or as a lighthouse? Next, you want to make sure that there's clarity on what's needed. Instead of thinking about how you want to come across what do these people need from me right now? And I've referenced this, I think, in a previous episode, but I think a really good example of this was with Mike Elko. He's the head football coach at Texas AM. And they had a big win over LSU this past season, and a reporter in their post-game press conference asked him about the team's second half and what he might have communicated to the group at halftime. And this is what he said. It's not, oh, I went in and I riled them up, and because I riled them up, they all of a sudden started playing. That's not how this works. It just doesn't. I have to be calm and collected. My job is to be calm and collected when they're frantic. My job is to create intensity when they're not intense. My job is always be opposite the moment. It's not to let the moment take me away from them. And I I like this example a lot. Like one, I know earlier in this episode I talked about like being present in the moment and actually engage. Um, but I think sometimes that's also comes with the recognition to ask yourself, where are my people at? What do they need from me right now? And how can I ensure that sometimes I might give them the opposite because maybe that's exactly what it is that they need, even if they don't maybe realize it. I'll also say this this is this happened years ago. And one time I recall there was um a pretty difficult loss that an organization had that I was aware of. And um I remember we had uh an individual who was a clinician who was brought in to kind of talk to the staff and just kind of provide some support. Um, you know, somebody that was really meaningful had passed away. And, you know, although it was, I think, well-intentioned, like the person kind of jumped into like talking about like well-being habits and things to do, like when you're dealing with like grief and things like that, like, hey, make sure you're getting sleep, make sure you're hydrated, make sure like all things that in theory, yes, are helpful, yes, we're relevant, and yet it talk about like not meeting the moment. Um, and this is like maybe an example of like when not to do the opposite of the moment. Like in that moment, it was like, no, just simply create space. Like, you don't need to jump into solution mode here. Like, we were still in this space of of uh uh severe, deep grief. It was very visceral, it just taken place. And um, again, I I think in order to do that, like you have to be really intentional about asking yourself, like, what is it that my people need from me right now? As opposed to you just coming in and thinking, like, well, this is what I think I know is is useful to them, because even if it might be useful, if you don't meet them where they're at, um, then good luck. Um, I've seen it play out many times and I've been guilty of it too, or sometimes I failed to read the room and make an adjustment with my communication. And so anyway, I think that's an important piece to it. And then I think the final one. So the first two, again, just as a quick reminder, ask yourself that question. Am I walking in here as a spotlight or as a lighthouse? Make sure there's clarity on what your people need. And then finally, just remember the goal in general of leadership. The goal of leadership is not for people to leave thinking that you are impressive. The goal is for people to leave better than when they walked in. And hopefully you've played a role, an impactful role in that process. So, all this I think brings us to uh the next time you get an opportunity to lead, make sure you're asking yourself, okay, what is it that the people need from me? Because the difference isn't going to necessarily always be in your words. It's gonna be in the orientation behind them. One where it's like, are you trying to be seen and are you trying to perform because you're concerned about how you look? And the other is about how do I make sure that the people that I'm serving feel seen, that they feel heard, that they feel valued. Because people can definitely feel the difference, and that's a completely different level of leadership.