Is this a TRUE partnership or just PRETTY words?

We said yes to an "opportunity," but what we got was silence and disrespect. The woman praised as the face of South Asian women empowerment? No where to be found. No check-in. No thanks. No accountability. In this episode, we ask hard questions: was it ever really a partnership -- or just one-sided transaction. For every vendor and client craving honesty about boundaries, respect, and what true collaboration should look like -  this one is for you.

Transcript

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Welcome back to Contour Combos, the podcast where professional gossip meets glam and all things weddings. I'm your host, Vydia Patel, the founder of Red Lotus Artistry, and I've been deep in the bridal beauty game for over a decade. This is the behind-the-scenes wedding talk nobody else dares to spill. The wild, the inspiring, the stressful, and the WTF moments that every artist, bride, and wedding vendor can relate to. Here we keep names private, stories real, and lessons juicy. Whether you're a future bride, vendor, vet, or just a nosy person, no judgment, you're about to get the real tea on what goes down before the aisle. Let's get into it. So this episode is about something that happened early on in my career. I was offered a special and massive opportunity for me that was like, oh my god, this is what dreams are made of. And we were asked, like me and my team, we were asked to, and mind you, at that time, our team was not big. It was just me and I think three other artists. And we were asked to glam up a huge number of people and for free in exchange for exposure. So the offer came from someone I considered like the face of our brown girl empowerment community. I mean, how do you say no to something like that, right? Brown girl to brown girl. I just said, hell yeah. I pulled together a team about 15, 20 artists. We brought our own makeup, our own products, hair tools. I mean, all the things to make sure we did a successful job, right? Like we weren't gonna, we weren't gonna provide a less quality product because this was our moment to show off our shine. Like we wanted to show off. So obviously, our passion and our artistry, our products, everything was ready to like be in the ray of sunlight. We gave everything. And in return, we were told we would be gifted a booth at one of the events, or like for the weekend, I guess you can say. This was our chance to showcase our work to thousands of people. And I mean, when I say thousands, I really mean thousands. So yeah, the nerves were high, the excitement was real, there was a lot of emotions going into this weekend and a lot of prep for sure. So there was a plot twist. So we did the whole, you know, getting her ready. And before we actually got though those amount of people ready, we were able to set up our station, like our booth, if you will, for like the the business side of things. And that's when we noticed where they put us. Like, can you can you just wherever you are in the world, like could you just take a moment and think, like, and assume and guess, where do you think they put us? It was, it was nowhere near the where all the like bridal or it wasn't even a bridal like thing, an event. So it I can't say that they didn't put us on the bridal side, but they didn't put us on the feminine side, like the side where there were fashion designers and jewelry designers and all things that women love to go up and down the aisles to go shopping for. I mean, this is something it's like a bizarre. Like ladies are looking forward to going to this thing to do a lot of shopping and connecting with other, you know, individuals and other people to find themselves in. If they ever need this, they they they'll remember us. So they didn't put us anywhere near there, and nor do they put us anywhere where there was high traffic. We were actually in the back far corner where there was very little foot traffic, and there was very, very, very few ladies that were coming back into that section. So logistically, you know, we were completely disconnected, like from the audience that we were meant to serve. It was like crickets, no footwork, no visibility, and definitely there was no exposure when it came time to, you know, doing our booth time. So, but what really cut the deepest wasn't the logistics of the booth location. Like I felt betrayed. I felt betrayed by this tight-knit community that uh I thought at the time I was a part of, I truly believed would have my back, you know, a space I thought would uplift and support me, especially as a South Asian entrepreneur trying to build something real. Instead, it felt like my team and I were disposable. We were used for our talent, then we were dismissed. And when it was time for recognition, we didn't really get it because our booth, which was our payment, was far away from where all the people that could find our, you know, amazing team and get to meet us and get to know us and find out what we're all about. We we weren't getting that recognition. Um as a result of doing this weekend event a few months later, one of the people that we did get ready, they really liked our team and they really liked our work. So they did book us. That was one booking that um we did get out of that um, you know, out of that whole ordeal. And that booking in itself is a whole episode on its own that I'll share in the future. But we, other than that, there was no real meaningful relationships that came out of that, nothing that added value to RA. And the truth is, I mean, it just hurt. Like we left that weekend, I left that weekend really upset and hurt. And it really, you know, made my skin thicker because I needed to. I mean, early on as a business entrepreneur, there's something that causes you to be like, take a step back and be like, okay, this is it. This is where I need to, you know, grow thicker skin and be resilient and get through this and come out stronger. And that's that's what I did. I mean, I took that hurt and that pain. And don't get me wrong, it's still when I think about it, that's really upsetting. It really did hurt. I did feel betrayed, but you know, do I regret it? No, I absolutely do not. It was definitely a business and life lesson I needed. And sometimes our biggest breakthroughs are they come wrapped in disappointment, right? It taught me more about boundaries, clarity, and contracts. Mistakes are our biggest life lessons. So this was, I wouldn't say it was a mistake. Like I said, it was definitely something I don't even regret. Um, it it made me who I am today, that is for sure. Taking a little bit step back, I mean, I can't get into more details. There are far more details about this event that I can talk about and spill and um and I'll get to that towards the end here. But to to reel it in a little bit about what could I have done? What should I have asked? Should I, what boundaries should I put? What involvement should I have created for the success of RLA, not leaving this thing so disappointed? It took me a lot of years to be able to get to a point where I could really think about like, okay, well, what did I do wrong? What could I have done better? What, you know, should what should I have done? What could I have done? Did I have space? Did I have a voice? Did I, did I have the room to even ask any questions? At that time, I did not. I thought they told me what to do, and I'm just supposed to shut up and do it. And that's honestly what I did. And so I'm now, in retrospect, you know, now that I'm doing this podcast and trying to help others not have to go through the mud that we have gone through. Like the questions that I should have asked myself and to them. I should have created a communication channel between myself and this person who I looked up to. And I should have asked things like, where is my booth located? Will it be near an audience that's relevant to what we're doing? Hair and makeup and brides and you know, events. Is the booth that's being given to me in a high traffic area? Are there gonna be any basic expenses like parking or meals gonna be covered for me and my entire team that's gonna be coming in to help you be successful in your event for this weekend? And would there be volunteers to help us get our booth and our like just the room wherever we're gonna be getting ready ahead of time? Like, is there gonna be someone that can help us, guide us, show us the way, show us the path? Hey, can I speak to other vendors that have done this in the past? So I again I can set myself and my team up for success. And I should have also asked for a contingency plan. Like if things don't didn't go as promised, like what's the contingency plan? So again, I'm prepared and backed up with, okay, well, if this doesn't go this way, then at least I have this to look forward to. So had I asked those questions, I would have been able to get those answers and I would have been able to request that, hey, like, thank you so much for, you know, setting us up in this booth in this area. But I would really, really would appreciate it if you could put us in a booth a little bit closer to where like XYZ vendors are. It would be really good for my business and it would be very helpful. Would you be able to facilitate that for me? And thinking back, it's so simple, right? Like just ask questions. And, you know, when did I get my mind to believe that I can't just stop and ask questions? That's really the problem that we kind of all deal with. And I always tell my brides, like, you know, always ask away. And I do that because I went through this mud, right? I went through it because I didn't ask the questions. And I I never want my brides to feel and my clients to feel that way. And you vendors out there, you don't want your clients to feel that way either, right? So we tell our our clients, like, hey, ask us away. Like, we want you to ask questions, don't leave anything unturned, don't leave anything in your head, jot it down, just shoot the text message. It doesn't matter what time of day. Like, you might not always get the answer you want, but at least now we have, you know, the answer is on the table. And if we can make a contingency plan to that, we can work together and do that. So when did I believe that I can't stop and ask questions? That really is a big, like, just mind bender because as a brown girl, we are. We're kind of it's not like our parents told us, no, just be quiet, like sh you just gotta shut up. No, it wasn't like that. It was just kind of like instilled in us that, you know, you just if someone's doing something for you, you just accept it and move on. And you do you just go with it. You go with the flow. And that's literally what I did. So my culture kind of, you know, hindered me from feeling confident in asking said people for for these things that I just made a list of. Like I should have asked all these questions and I wouldn't have left this whole thing so disappointed. And even all these years later, I wouldn't feel still kind of hurt and upset about it. And had I asked those questions, I would have set myself up for more success for when that booking came around that I did get from this, from this event. Like I said, that one we'll we'll definitely walk into and talk about in a future episode. You know, because I could I was sp seen as she's just gonna do what we tell her to do, that's the kind of booking I got. I got the booking that said, oh, she's just gonna do what I asked her to do. And um, because her and her company are doing this for free, we're gonna get a really good deal out of this person. Again, I didn't I didn't create those boundaries, I didn't set us up for success, but I do know now, right? And the reason why I this is the whole reason why I started this podcast is because future makeup artists, future vendors that do big things like this for exposure, the question really is are you asking the hard questions? Vendors, brides, all of us, like you're protecting your team, brides, you're protecting your families, moms of the brides, you're protecting your brides, your your daughters, and moms of the grooms, you're protecting your groom, like your son. And so, my question to my vendor fam, here it is. Ask the questions. If you're offering your services for free, make sure it's on your terms, you know, because you're the one that is helping this, whatever it is out. You're doing them a favor. They need you more than you need them almost. And it sucks that we kind of have to go into it thinking like that, but is it a true partnership? Like, is it? I I don't I don't know that I can say 100% that yeah, it's a 50-50 partnership between the person who's requesting your services for free and you going out and doing it. I don't, I don't think so. But if you disagree, let me know. And to my brides that are listening, this is why glam artists charge what we charge. Because what we do is not just makeup, it's logistics, strategy, emotional support, and artistry and protection of peace. It's all rolled into one. And same thing with our vendors, like wedding planners, they're doing the same thing that we charge what we charge because we're not just doing planning, right? We're not just DJing, we're not just baking a cake. We're we're doing so much more than that. We're providing logistics, we're pre providing the strategy, we're providing the emotional support, we're providing our creative like attention to detail, and not to mention, we're providing you with protection of peace. It's all rolled into one. So before I, you know, I kind of end this episode, I want to kind of more talk about, you know, what transpired that weekend. Also, me and my team, we got so many people ready. I mean, we were there eight o'clock in the morning and we set up and everything. Back then, like it was just simple. You open up your makeup kit and your hair kit and you start doing hair and makeup, right? Like it's fine. Um, and I can't, I'm not gonna disclose exactly how many people we do it, but let me just say it was at almost 100 people. Like, so you wrap your head around that. And there was about 15, 20 artists of us. So we we did about, I don't know, like 10 people an hour almost, like 10, yeah, like 10 people an hour were cranking out and making sure that they are not only camera ready, not only videography ready, but we're also making sure these people are stage ready for this like really huge event. And because we also want to provide the best quality, right? Like even though we had to do a quickie job, we still made sure everyone felt like, okay, yes, you're getting ready at 8 a.m. The event doesn't start till later on this evening or late afternoon, if you will, but we will provide touch-ups. Make sure you come, we'll be here. And I I kid you not, the people who got done, probably like 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 1, like we probably didn't see those people again. The people that we got ready towards the last couple hours, especially the last hour. I kid you not. Those people turned around and came right back. I mean, they just left our chairs. It wasn't even like 30 minutes, was not even 30 minutes. And they came right back to do touch-ups. And we me and my entire team who haven't, we haven't drank any water, we haven't had a meal, we haven't had like a single break for like the past eight, nine hours, nothing. They're all turning around and then they can see how we finally like sigh of relief, like, okay, we can we can relax a little bit. And now these ladies are coming right back for a touch-up. Like, come on. It really was like kind of like really, you your face looked just fine. Your hair is not even messed up. Like you just made a U-turn. You got on the highway and then came right off. Like that's all you did. And so we had to but we all got up. We all got up to make them feel comfortable. And again, like, should we have done that? I don't know. Like, again, you know, there is a fine line between going above and beyond for your clients and making sure people feel good and confident in their own skin. But then there's also the fine line where it's like you're just taking advantage now. Like, what did you want us to do? You just left our chair, you loved it, you looked in the mirror, you gave the seal of approval, and now you're asking, hey, can you give me a touch-up? There's nothing to touch up, you know, and so it it wasn't just like one of those things where we showed up, we did the hair makeup, and then we we left. It wasn't like that at all. And it kind of was just mind-boggling, you know, like, why do people do this to us? Or is the correct question, why do we allow this to happen to us? So, but all to say, brides, just like we say in every single episode, ask the darn questions. Ask the hard questions, ask the easy questions, but ask the hard ones. Have them written down. If you if you're not a person that writes, text it, write it down in a journal, put it in your notes so that when you do have a meeting with your said vendor, you're prepared to ask those questions. But also be prepared with maybe not getting the answer you want, but I can guarantee you that your vendor will want to work with you to find find a solution that will work for you. But we can't do that, right? If you're if we're just assuming this is what you want, you have to ask us. Vendors, when you are getting your team and yourself to get some exposure, make sure you're doing it on your terms. Make sure you get a contract signed, make sure you get a contingency plan, set yourself up for you know, success and not disappointment. Because who wants that? Who wants years and years worth of emotional turmoil, right? Like no, none of us, we don't want that. That weekend could have been a celebration for us, but instead it was a wake-up call. And while it didn't break me, it did definitely build me. It built us, it built me and my team and Emily. And Emily and I went through this, you know, right by side side by side with each other. But, you know, it just wasn't in the way that we expected. My contoured convo's fact check is did you know that more than 80% of vendors in the wedding industry say yes, they've done free labor for exposure? And can you guess the percentage that they say that it actually paid off? What percentage of the 80%? 12% said it did pay off. If you're gonna give your time and talent for free, make sure you're the one in control of what you get in return. Exposure does not pay your rent. Exposure doesn't pay your bills. Exposure doesn't guarantee that this is gonna boost your your sales or an increase in clients either. There's no guarantee. So whatever it is that you do choose to do, make sure you're doing it because it brings you peace. It brings you joy, and it's bringing you something like even building network with like the said community, like whatever it is, like who you're whoever you're doing this for, let it be something because you built a network now. You've added a business card to your arsenal of people that you want to work with in the future. Like that, that alone would be amazing. For me, I left this with no network. Said person who's this head honcho. Like, I don't, I I will say in retrospect, I don't have respect for this person anymore. And I see it all over. I mean, I see it on websites and Instagram and Facebook and everywhere. I see this person, and it's just fake news to me. And I hate that I had to face that reality behind this person, and I feel like she's frauding everybody else in the community. Um, but you know, it it really was a huge uh lesson and the exposure piece of it all is the exposure has to equal joy. At the end of it, is it giving you joy? Is it giving you something back in return? And, you know, we all do it. We all need to do it. Exposure, we gotta do volunteer our time and our services and whatever we do. And not we don't have to, but we want to because that's how we're building relationships too out there. Unfortunately for us, we left this whole thing with no relationships. We did not build relationships with the said people that we did our work volunteering for. But what I will say is I was able to build a beautiful team from this. I met 15, 20 artists that weekend who a big portion of that team did become RLA after this booking. And I that was the biggest takeaway for me for that weekend. And, you know, to sit back and be able to be able to say, like, man, we still pulled that off. We got almost a hundred people ready in less than 10 hours, and they looked amazing. And I couldn't be more proud of the team that I was I was building back then. So drop your questions and tidbits and your tea. Did you experience anything like this as a vendor, as a bride or future bride, or something like that? Did you learn a lesson in all of this? Drop them down there. We want to know in the comment section. We want to hear all about it. And um, I just want to end this episode with a thank you so much for being here on our episode of Contour Convos. I hope you loved it. I will be here for the next one. Make sure you stay tuned. Have a great day or morning or evening, wherever you're at in the world.