Alzheimer's Thriver

Feeling Lost After an Alzheimer's Diagnosis? How Changing Your Story Can Change Your Life

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Alzheimer's Thriver

Acceptance and Adjustments

January 23, 2026 • Alzheimers Thriver • Season 1 • Episode 19

0:00 | 23:05

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EPISODE 19 SHOW NOTES

“Acceptance & Adjustments”

Living with Alzheimer’s means facing changes you didn’t choose — and figuring out how to keep living well anyway. In this episode, Janna and Larry talk honestly (and with humor) about what it feels like to accept what’s changing and how small adjustments can make daily life calmer, safer, and more joyful.

They explore how things like recognizing faces, finding words, moving through the house, or staying engaged can require new strategies — and how companionship, music, routine, and creativity can make a big difference without taking away dignity.

If you’re living with Alzheimer’s, loving someone with it, or both, this episode offers a realistic but hopeful look at how acceptance and adaptation can protect the things that matter most.

You’ll hear about:

· what acceptance feels like from the inside

· why adjustments aren’t surrender — they’re tools

· how companionship and support help keep purpose alive

· the surprising value of music, reading, and humor

· and what it means to “decide to thrive” even as the brain changes

Helpful Resources

Alzheimer’s Association — “I Have Alzheimer’s: Resources for Support”

This main page is written for people living with Alzheimer’s. It gathers simple, practical information on what to expect, how to live well, and where to find support without drowning you in medical language.

Alzheimer’s Association — Tips for Daily Life

Offers down-to-earth ideas to make everyday life a bit easier when you’re living with memory and thinking changes — things you can try at home, at your own pace.

Alzheimer’s Association — Taking Care of Yourself

Focuses on the person with Alzheimer’s: your health, stress, rest, and emotional well-being, with suggestions for staying as strong and independent as possible.

Alzheimer’s Society (UK) — Coping with Memory Loss

A friendly guide for people who are noticing memory problems, with practical ideas for routines, organizing things at home, and handling the feelings that come with it.

Forward With Dementia — Getting Support & Adjusting to a Diagnosis

Written in plain language for people with dementia, this page talks about the emotional side of getting the diagnosis and how support, counseling, and peer groups can help you adjust.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up — it means making room for what’s still possible.”

Be sure to go to our website at alzheimersthriver.org to learn more about Larry and Janna's adventures.

Episode 19: Acceptance and Adjustments (Transcript)

[Janna Plays Flute]

Janna: Hi, I'm Janna, and I'm an Alzheimer's ThriverTM.

Larry: And this is her husband, Larry. Welcome to our podcast!

Janna: In today's podcast, we'll be talking about accepting and adapting.

First, we just had our seventh grandchild.

Larry: Yep, a little baby girl - seven pounds and 20 inches long. Her name is Summer, and she's wonderful. So are the parents.

To get to our topic today, we're talking about the things that we're having to accept, having Alzheimer's.

Janna: Who has Alzheimer's? Does somebody here have Alzheimer's?

Larry: Somebody. You know what I was wondering, I was going to ask you - how big is acceptance, and how difficult is it - to accept?

Janna: I don't know. I don't have it. (Laughs) Oh, gosh ...It's hard to accept, but I try and find a word that is less caustic to my mind. I haven't found it.

Larry: Less caustic than what, Alzheimer's?

Janna: You said it!.

Larry: Oh, sorry about that.

Janna: Yeah. You dog.

Larry: Once you get the diagnosis, many of our friends that have gotten the diagnosis that we know, I'd say probably there's a portion, probably about 20 or maybe 30% of the people that we know that have Alzheimer's are still finding it hard to accept, even well into the disease. They don't even want to think they have it. Or there's probably even a smaller percentage, but there is a percentage of those, that don't even realize they have it.

Janna: This is the part that I think is kind of funny. I figured that, oh, gosh, I did make a mistake driving one day, and it was on the wrong side of the road just for a minute, and that's all it's about. Okay, so I want to drive. Okay, that's it. Well, there's a lot more details than that.

Larry: Yeah, it's just like an anomaly that you just a one-off, but it really isn't. You know, it's just the straw that broke the camel's back kind of thing.

Janna: You can laugh about it, but that's not really going to happen. That's not realistic. You can cry and cry and cry, but it gets me nowhere, so we might as well find the humor in it.

Larry: Right?

Let's talk about the things that you've come to accept about it. First of all, accepting that you do have it, and then...

Janna: I think you're proud that you don't have it.

Larry: Well, it's a good thing one of us doesn't have it.

Janna: Yet.

Larry: Yeah. Yet. there's always a yet.

Some of the things that you've had to accept, let's just start with the first one. The words come slower to the top of your brain when you're trying to speak, and sometimes words come out that are not even the right word, and then you correct yourself. How does that feel?

Janna: (Jokingly) I - would - like - to - express - how - it - feels. (Laughs) Express how it feels. If I could do it.

How does it feel? Yeah ...I get really good at putting up my hand. Everybody sees that I put up my hand.

Larry: To tell me to be quiet, you mean?

Janna: Not necessarily. No, no, just to wait.

I'm trying to look for the word, hold my breath, and then the word comes out. The easier thing would be to not try, or to just go, “Well, I can't talk.” But I'm not willing to let go of that, because if I don't talk, I'd probably also be losing all my thinking, and I want to have everything about me, all the good stuff.

Larry: All right, let's talk about disorientation, finding the correct room in the house ...to go into, say the bathroom, the bedroom, the guest room. You've had to accept that that's kind of a problem, and I help you with that. Like you'll say, where is it, what room am I going to?

Janna: Yeah, yeah, but I also, I ride on this: I go, “Okay, what room am I in, what color is it, what are the dimensions, what time of the year, day is it, to get my idea going.

Larry: And then, remembering names, even family names, how have you come to...

Janna: You're John, right? (Laughs)

Larry: How have you come to accept that as something? That’s just the way it is?

Janna: I want to admit it and accept it, but I also want to fight against it, and not accept the part of in me that says I'm a victim. I don't, I don't ever want to be a victim.

I don't ever want somebody to discern me as a victim because I have Alzheimer's. We're working on it, and we're doing work arounds, that's healthier.

Larry: So, we'll come to some of the adjustments to these accepting things. Is that a proper English phrase? The things that we're accepting, and how we have adjusted to that?

But let's keep talking about the things we're having to accept, because...

Janna: It's just stuff.

Larry: Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of little things along the way here that people either are going to have to get ready for, or they're already involved in it. And one of the things is that this wave of feeling insignificant, it arises now and again. Have you come to accept that?

Janna: Insignificance?

Larry: Yeah, insignificance. Like, no purpose, no reasons to be here kind of thing. I mean, have you come to accept that those feelings are going to come around, but you're not going to act on them? How do you deal with that?

Janna: Well, I've struggled, struggled with it. And I've thought, really, come on, guys, don't you realize how difficult this is? Give me a leg up, okay? Encourage me. Encourage me, encourage me. And then I look at myself in the mirror and I go, yeah, and encourage yourself, put the smile on when you're talking, and tell yourself, you're okay, everything's going to be okay, you're loved, this is just how it is. Let's work it out. During those times.

Larry: I find that my patience as a care partner gets triggered. My impatience, I should say, gets triggered because I take it personally that I'm not meeting the need that you have when it's a need that maybe only you can ...I can just be there for you, but I can't really make that decision ...to come out of that feeling of insignificance. Is gratitude a part of that in any way or something you can look to, to kind of bring you out of that?

Janna: Well, yeah, gratitude is a big thing. I frequently get my nose down, like, oh, poor me, poor me. And then I go, no, stop that, Janna. Put a smile on and decide to thrive. Decide to thrive.

Larry: It's a decision to do that. So that's probably along the lines of wanting to quit. That's a temptation, just giving up.That wave comes over you now and again.

Janna: But I have wonderful support people, too, in my community that are, they like helping people and goading them on ...“You can do it. Attagirl.”

Larry: We're going to talk about that too, because that's one of the adjustments we've made in getting support people involved.

Now, one of the things you've had to accept is that reading and writing are out for you.

Janna: Although I still put my finger down on the table, and I try and make draw the right letter. And it might be right, but most of it, usually not. But I think that kinesthetically, if I at least put the finger ...just write it on a desk it's the kinesthetic part.

Larry: Your conversations are minimized due to not being able to process more than one or two sentences. Are you still echoing ...when you move your lips and repeat what I'm saying or try to say them at the same time as I'm saying them?

Janna: Yes.

Larry: So, you're still echoing.

Janna: Whenever somebody's in the room and they're talking, I'm generally parroting them.

Larry: I'm going to breeze through these other things you've had to accept.

· Necessity for creating social situations and -

· The physical exercise that you do requires a plan. And you've had to accept that that's not something we can just randomly do, that we need to have like a schedule for exercising.

Janna: And our key support people, too.

Larry: Yeah. Wow. And then:

· Reliance on others. There you go with the support person.

· And then one thing we've done in the bathroom and other places in the house where you've had to operate:

· We've minimized the clutter. And I think that's a big deal at the stage you're at because the clutter makes it difficult to pull out the one thing, whether it's a toothbrush...

Janna: It used to be so easy. But now I've got to think about it. I look at what's in the room and what is that that I want? Okay. And then focus. Focus.

Larry: Let's talk about now the adjustments that we've made to come to grips with some of the things we've had to accept. And the first thing that comes to mind is the alzheimers.org here in San Diego. They have a companion program for anyone who has Alzheimer's where a volunteer would be paired up with you ...with your likes and dislikes. There's an interview process. There must be safety in the home. And it's not for medical attention. It's not for dressing, help with bathroom needs or bathing or anything like that. So that would be more of a nursing care. But this is just for companionship and for socialization.

And so we have a person, Haya, that comes for that.

Janna: Okay. Say the name?

Larry: Sure.

Janna: Haya. Haya, yeah. And she's wonderful. We have a great time.

Larry: And then you've got Melissa who comes on Monday and Thursday. And so she reads to you. She pushes play and pause on the computer so that you can practice along for your flute.

Janna: The reading to me is a rather new thing.

Larry: Yeah. It's good though, right?

Janna: Yes. And I said, could you read little things? Anyway. And she went to read, and I thought, okay, this is like a professional narrator. She's good. She's like a star. It drives your attention to her. She has great highs and lows, what are those called?

Larry: Expressions.

Janna: Expressions’...yeah, And it makes you attentive to what's at hand.

Larry: And I have helped, you know, we do this just about every day where I make you say a word by giving you a prompt or a clue or a definition, then you have to say the word. So, I'll say, “Well, it has a trunk, and it grows out in the yard.” And you'll say, “Tree,” ...things like that. That's kind of a simple one, but you know, it can get as complex as necessary to help to just process words. The reading probably does the same thing. And your echoing as well.

Janna: And these little things you hear the kiddies do, they'll go, (Sings) “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious, if you say it loud enough, you'll always sound precocious, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.”

Larry: Hey, good job.

Janna: Yeah. That was not easy for me to say a couple months ago. Okay. It's not easy now.

Larry: Little ditties to sing, that helps. You're trying to get the words to just come out and flow out like they used to, and accepting that they're not, and then adjusting to that by these little things that you're doing.

Janna: This food I like, it's kind of orange and I eat it most days, it has a good, do you know what I'm talking about?

Larry: Okay, you're trying to make me say a word now.

Janna: Banana! My nickname, my goofy nickname, is Janna Banana. And yet I can't remember banana and I think, I'd like to have a banana. But I can't think of the word banana.

Larry: So, you have to, what, see one?

Janna: Well, the words that are tough, that keep coming up to me, I just say them a lot again and again.

Larry: So, all right. And then another adjustment would be to have a partner, a caregiver, or a spouse throw a hacky sack or a squeeze ball and play catch with you. I'd like to throw one at you.

Janna: I would really like to throw one at your nose. (Laughs)

Larry: But I saw you playing with Melissa, throwing catch the other day on the lawn, and then you've done it with Haya as well. And Gina too. Gina comes on Tuesdays. And how did you, okay, so I guess we found these people for you. Do you remember how we found these people? Our daughter-in-law, Brittney, she put a fleece out on a Facebook page for the mom's group in her city nearby San Diego and...

Janna: Brittany did that?

Larry: Yeah.

Janna: Aww.

Larry: And she got an overwhelming response for just being a companion. “Would you like to sit and be with, you know, for X amount of money per hour?” But really, they didn't even want the money. It was like, yeah, we would just love to do that. They just come and hang out. They throw hacky sack balls, they read to you, they push play and pause for your flute playing, they go have yogurt with you. How's that?

Janna: They're nice enough to Yogurt with me. You know, I have to, I have to persuade them. (Tongue in cheek)

Larry: So, these adjustments ...how important do you think it is for the people out there to be accepting and to make the adjustments in order to enhance their quality of life?

Janna: Well, this is easy to say now that I'm older, but I think that it's good to, when you look at a person, to look at them and realize, listen, I'm not figuring out who they are. I don't know who they are. I don't know what they've been through. Let me just be kind and agreeable. That's my go-to, you know.

Larry: How about recognizing faces? Are you able to do that anymore?

Janna: Well, who's this person that I'm talking to? He looks a lot like Larry. Yeah. Is he my husband?

Larry: Tis I.

Janna: Okay.

But if it's in the nighttime I have no idea.

Larry: So, you have you accepted that faces are now unrecognizable?

Janna: Not un-recognizable.

Larry: Well, is it mostly the audio, a person's voice that you're familiar with now that triggers it?

Janna: Definitely. The audio.

Larry: All right.

Janna: you’ve got to get him talking.

Larry: I don't think that's very uncommon. I think that's very common with this disease.

Is that hard to accept or are you just on that page now?

Janna: No, because I've come to realize I have low vision and it's getting, it's not getting higher, probably lower. So, I really have to concentrate on it and study the person's face. But if it didn't have the audible, wow. That'd be tough.

Larry: Yeah. And I want to say too, that these as a care partner, accepting and adjusting is a huge part of my role as well. And whether it's somebody in the family or somebody that you're paying to come in or it's your spouse or a family member, or even a friend, this is going to, it's going to take some adjusting and acceptance on their part as well. But it's good. It's good for our relationship as husband and wife, because I have to learn not to patronize and talk down or condescend. And I've had to learn to slow down myself. And you know, unfortunately I do think pretty quickly, just automatically. So, it takes some effort for me to just kind of slow down and get a little slower pace.

Janna: This is kind of out on the, not right on the point, but it'd be really nice if people would take a moment to say the word clearly and express themselves and give the person who's stumbling a little room. And like, there's a certain somebody in my house, you don't know who it is, but you've heard his voice close by and he talks really fast and he can get right to the next word very quickly before I could figure it out. And so, it would be helpful if people give a chance to the stumbling one to come up with the word.

Larry: You mean like I just did?

Janna: See, that was so nice. I know there was like one time about three years ago that you talked to me with a slow voice. (Jokingly) I remember that.

Larry: Well, and also to go to bed at night, I would recommend what we're doing, which is not to watch TV until you get tired and then go jump into bed but go to bed together. Or if a person is with you, have them come in with you after you've gotten ready for bed and read and just let, you know, read something positive, read something, a good book that's, read to them, be read to. Because even if you do read, being read to is, well, you tell them about it. What do you think about it?

Janna: It's an expression of loving and caring for. And I think that the person who is reading has a certain amount of power with it. They can twist it around a little bit with their, what's that word?

Larry: Expression?

Janna: Expressions, yeah. And have fun with it. And maybe to the extent that they wouldn't in public with others, but just to have a heck of a time with it. And it lifts everything.

Larry: Yeah. And it kind of relaxes you. So okay, well, I think we've covered some of the things that I wanted to maybe ask you about today. We'll see you next time on our next podcast. Right now, we're going to sign off. What's your name?

Janna: Janna Banana. Janna.

Larry: And you're an Alzheimer's ThriverTM.

Janna: I sure am.

Larry: Yeah, so be sure to Like and Follow so that we can keep this thing going, okay?

Website: alzheimersthriver.com