How to Support Your Partner Without Burning Yourself Out

What happens when one partner is going through a tough time?

In Episode 18 of Our Life Is a Honeymoon, Tim and Amy talk about the natural ebb and flow of relationships—when one person needs extra support, and the other steps up.

But there’s an important balance:

Showing up for your partner without neglecting your own needs.

They share personal experiences navigating emotional challenges, therapy, parenting stress, and busy seasons of life—and how communication, boundaries, and self-awareness help them stay connected through it all.

You’ll hear:

✨ What it looks like when one partner “rises up” during hard times
 ✨ Why self-care is still essential when supporting your partner 
 ✨ How to communicate your needs—even when it feels uncomfortable
 ✨ Avoiding burnout, resentment, and emotional depletion
 ✨ The importance of saying no and respecting boundaries
 ✨ Real-life examples from therapy, family challenges, and personal growth
 ✨ How to maintain balance when life feels out of sync

They also explore a powerful idea:

You can support your partner deeply… without sacrificing yourself.

At its core, this episode is about balance, honesty, and learning how to show up for each other in a sustainable way.

Do you feel balanced in your relationship—or are you giving too much?

We’d love to hear your experience 💛

🤝 Sponsor

This episode is brought to you in part by Considine Homes, proudly serving your real estate needs in South Florida with honesty and integrity, and offering trusted referral partnerships in all 50 states and beyond.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey everybody. Hey. Welcome back to Our Life is a Honeymoon episode number 18. Woo! This episode is all about when in a relationship with another, close relationship, friend, romantic partner. There are times when one person is going through a tough time and the other person needs to rise up. And that's fine. But also we're going to talk about how the person showing up more with more energy also needs to pay attention to their self-care to prevent burnout. And so while that is a mouthful, it will make sense.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

It will.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

That we know.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

And together, we want to share that story with you.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

As well as all of the practices we do to keep our relationship thriving.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Because to us, it feels like our life is a honeymoon.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

We want that same joy for all of you. I'm Tim.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

I'm Amy, and this is our podcast. This podcast is brought to you in part by Considine Homes, proudly serving your real estate needs in South Florida with honesty and integrity and offering trusted referral partnerships in all 50 states and beyond. Hey everybody, welcome back to Our Life is a Honeymoon. So as Tim mentioned, um as we've been in a relationship together for about nine years, of course, there's going to be times where one of us is going through something and one of us gets to rise up a little bit and be the support system for that partner. We also get to be super conscious, even if our partner is going through something, if we are starting to feel um exhaustion or maybe sometimes even unappreciated, it still is important for the partner that is the support partner to make that known. You have to make sure that you're focusing on self-care because if you deplete yourself and your partner is depleted, you guys are flatlining. So it's all about it's all about the dance that we do to make sure we're there for each other and there for ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Yeah, the communication part, it's I know for me it it's easy to just try to keep the peace and so to speak up, speak up when you know, the like you don't want to kick someone when they're down, like, hey, like I I need you to show up when they're but it is important to just the communication being intentional with with just speaking about things that are uncomfortable sometimes like this.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

So for example, going through things, uh I have been going to therapy since 2019. I've been seeing the same therapist, uh, maybe that I switched once or twice over the last six years, seven years.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

A long time ago, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Um, and it's been a huge help. I highly recommend it if you're considering therapy. Um it's something I wish I would have started when I was like nine or maybe younger.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

But uh so I've been working through traumas from the past. My mom my mom passed away when I was nine. That's something I didn't really address until maybe in the last seven years, just really feeling those feelings. As a kid, it was easy for me to just kind of move on to the next thing, uh, just for whatever reason. And so, you know, a lot of these old feelings are coming up, but I'm kind of going through grief, and I it it it takes its emotional toll on me. And so this is when I'm kind of losing steam, and Amy kind of shows up more. It's like, all right, maybe I have to cook an extra night, maybe I have to help Tim with a chore or two, and you know, nothing major, but it is starting to kind of tilt out of balance. And so Amy, you know, might I wouldn't say these phases last long, but they long man, they last long enough to where it makes a difference in the relationship and how the energy is feeling and flowing. And Amy will speak up if it feels like maybe it's going on too long, or I'm I'm just kind of becoming a shell of a human and not showing up, and and I can, it's easy to kind of become isolated and shell of a human and and just pity party. Um, and so she will speak up and say, Hey, like, you know, I know you're feeling X, Y, and Z, but like, are you able to X, Y, and Z? Yeah. And it's always, it's always just feels it kind of maybe snap me out of my trance if I'm kind of like wallowing a little bit more than I should be, or it's kind of hard to explain, but no, I think you're explaining it beautifully. Yeah, and um, I just appreciate, and that's something that I feel like has come with time is to not try to hold back because maybe fear of disappointing somebody, like, oh, Tim's gonna be mad at me because oh yeah, I say what I need.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yeah. And I think that's where we've talked about before, we do weekly calendar checks, and then we have a practice called fans where we talk about our feelings and our needs, and we do that every Sunday. Not that we can't talk about our needs on a Tuesday, but we make sure every week has a space so that um it's a safe space where we, I mean it's always a safe space for this, but if something's been kind of wearing me down a little bit, it's a time to maybe make an adjustment. Um, I just want to add on that, it's not something we really discussed before, but um just to be transparent with people and maybe somebody in a relationship is going through something similar. When these episodes happen, like Tim said, he kind of isolates, and then um maybe it shouldn't be this way, but it is where when he's kind of walled off, then it kind of plays with my head a little bit, like, oh, is he like feeling less energy towards me? You know, it kind of makes me wonder if anything's going on with you regarding our relationship. And I love that I feel so safe and comfortable that I'm able to talk about that. And I think whenever I mention that I'm starting to feel those feelings, I think that that, not that I'm doing it to try to manipulate you in any way, but I think that um that I mean, I very much appreciate that when I let you know I'm kind of feeling a little bit rejected in the relationship, even if you're going through something hard, you you definitely rise up there. So thank you. I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Yeah, and just uh to validate your feelings and listen and support in any way that I can with what I'm capable of.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

Yeah, what you have the ability to do at that time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So on my end, um, so struggles that I I have two children, Star and Phoenix, and I we love them dearly. They are fantastic. Um, from time to time over the years, we've ebbed and flowed with um, you know, maybe some issues with my ex-husband, and um, you know, just different times where the kids are going through things and it can be really hard on me. Um there's a I will butcher it, but there's a saying out there, a parent is only as happy as their saddest child. And so if my kids are ever going through something, um, you know, I of course I'm gonna be there for them, but it definitely like life is very busy. So to set career and personal goals and all these things aside to like focus on your child, like it can really deplete me a lot. And so that's a time where um, especially during today, we had a meeting and we're our family's kind of going through something right now. And I just let Tim know that um there might be times where I just need a little bit more support. I want to be there for the kids a thousand percent. So, you know, maybe likewise there might be some chores cleaning up, you know, just picking up little things that you do anyway. But sometimes when the other's going through something, the one that's not kind of leans in a little bit heavier. So um, but on that note, like I know even when I need the support, Tim is really good at still taking some self-care time. Like, so a lot of times he'll go into the room, our bedroom, and he'll just kind of sit back and play his guitar. And I know that that's just kind of the way that he's rebalancing his nervous system. And um, you know, I know that if he is gonna support me, he needs to take time to support himself as well.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

Yeah, yeah. And on that note of maintaining a like level nervous system is something that I have taken it's taken years for me to figure this out to to when to say no, and you know, as we're talking about this episode, and and not overcommit myself, even though Amy is like, hey, I need X, Y, and Z. And and just because she needs it doesn't mean I have to do it every single time. And it's into in the detriment of my own mental health, I've learned to reel it in a little bit where where I'll have to say no, like, hey, if she's like, I need support here, here, and here, and I'm like, all right, I can do two out of those three, and she'll understand. You know, maybe for a minute she'll be like, oh what, and then and then it's all good.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

I really like that. I'm usually pretty understanding.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

But I mean, even if even if you're not, yeah, even like in Yeah, that's the way it goes.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

Yeah, like I we have a respect for each other that we're not gonna push the other into a zone that causes their own discomfort.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Yeah. Um, so yeah, and then on my the the next kind of couple of examples we're going to talk about are rather like those were more like life being life, where things kind of come up unexpectedly. There are other times where we kind of know in advance that something's gonna come up. So, within my example, I I signed up for a two-year online mindfulness meditation teacher certification program. Try to say that. Yeah, that's a mouthful. And MTCP, it was a two-year program, 2023 to 2025. Loved it, but it was a lot of time and investment uh on my part. And so I was able to show up less in our relationship because I, you know, there's only so much time and energy to to give out. And so Amy had to adjust to it because it was like before, you know, I had every Monday and every like Thursday for a while, it was just Monday after work. I had to really just kind of do my own thing for a few hours, and it was just online courses, yes, yeah, online courses and in planning for teaching and planning just all sorts of different things.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

Yeah, loving the weekend time.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

Just imagine online school, yeah, yeah. That's pretty much what it was. And uh so while you know, she might not have liked it, but she supported it. She said, you know, this is something that you love. I love you, I support you all the way, and you know, it's like maybe I wasn't able to cook dinners less, like maybe just during those two years. I mean, I it's it's all a blur now, but I just know that it we we made it work. There was no guilt. I never felt like I was doing something that was wrong with the relationship. Like I it was something that I was really passionate about, and it was a very intense two years, but it felt great, and um, I just really appreciated the support of all along the way. And you know, you she even attended some of the classes that I was teaching and uh just felt felt like love all the way. And uh yeah, so thank you.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

That is beautiful. You are so welcome. Um, so on my end, um, something that I have added into my life, but I love it. I um lead, it's not even a class, I lead a get together once a month at our local library called Calm Coloring. It's something that I created to bring community together, and I bring all the supplies, all the adult coloring books, really high quality markers. I play meditation music, and just people get together for free and join in at the library. And we spend an hour and a half just in um conversation, getting to know new people and um coloring and just kind of also healing our nervous systems. We're we're we're big on healing our nervous systems. And um sometimes Tim will come and show up and um participate in the class, but some weeks or months, that is just not something that feels appropriate for him. He might just feel tapped out, and and that's okay. I love him to be there, but I'm never gonna guilt him for not being there. But then he always does offer, okay, maybe, maybe I don't want to exert and and be around all these people tonight, but let me come in before it starts and let me come help you set up the tables and the chairs. And um I mean, I think that's an amazing compromise. And and sometimes I say no, I totally have it. And if I'm just feeling kind of just depends on how I'm feeling. Sometimes I feel energetically amazing, and if something maybe stressful at work is happening, maybe I I feel like I really could use that love and support before I'm about to host, you know, 20 or however many people. So um on that note, I I appreciate you and I appreciate you letting me know. I I would hate for you to be in the class and then burnt out, and then at home, nobody's gonna feel good. So it's better I go do that, I fill my cup, you come help, you get some alone time at home, or drive Phoenix to soccer. We got a lot of things we do, but but regardless, it's just you know, really nice to have that support. And um, I would in both of these examples, I think excellent that we don't ever guilt, pressure, or um, you know, just make the other feel feel badly about it in any way.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Yeah, yeah, something I wanted to add, just talking about when to say no, um with the calm coloring. So I'm a recovering people pleaser, and even though I am doing a lot better than I was, like, yeah, I guess sometimes I'll push myself too hard until I'll get to I'll get somewhere and I'll I'll be like how did I say yes to this? Like my energy, my energy is nowhere it should be. And just it's like one of the recent calm colorings, I was feeling like really anxious and really just I'm like, all right, like I'm here, like I probably shouldn't be here, but I I took a step out and I I was I like there was a bunch of people coming into the room and it was like a lot of energy, and I was like, oh my gosh. And luckily, I I had um so a little bit of work texts coming in, and so I was like, I'm gonna go outside and sit down and just respond to these work texts and breathe. And so I just did that for a few minutes, and uh, and so it's like I'm learning like if I have to, like it's okay to step away and just like regroup and uh but but there was a time where uh it was like all or nothing, like yeah, I had to leave all the way and go all the way home. But it was like yes, it was like I I I'm feeling a little burnt, and so let me just take a few minutes in that that case.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Yeah, I love that. Yeah, yeah, that's that's a great, great add-on.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

Great, yeah, and so overall, the reason we're talking about this is it's something that we're still working on, something that evolved over time. Like I said, like I didn't always know when to say no, and and I feel like maybe some people don't think it's ever okay to say no. You know, like no is a full statement classic, like the like me, it's like sometimes like oh say yes to life, say yes, yes, like life is amazing and say yes, but that only for me works to a point to where it's like I've I've just there's only so much energy that I have it and so yeah, uh it feels good to be in a spot where we're saying yes and no where it feels right, but to remember that there are times where Amy has to step up and well, I'm feeling depressed or something, or she's stressed out and I get to rise up, but then again also pulling back and saying, like, hey, like I need to take care of myself and to respect the boundaries of each other.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely, definitely. So the question that we wanted to pose to all of you, um, in your relationships, do you feel like you might be giving too much? I mean, I think that like Tim mentioned, yeah, I think that's common for a lot of people to just always be the yes person. And um, so is that something that you you feel uh and maybe that's wearing you down? Do you feel like, and you might not want to admit it, that you're the person that's always taking and not giving, but that um, you know, it's all about you all the time, and that's that. Um, or do you feel pretty balanced in your relationship? We'd love to hear your story too.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Yeah, yeah, definitely awesome. Okay, so we always end our episodes with our happily ever after for today. Just a quick little game to get to know us better. Um, so we are again going to draw a card from our moments. It's a deck with questions for couples. And so the question today, Timothy what five things do you enjoy doing with me? Oh PG, please.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

Yes. I uh this is a great question.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Yeah, I know. I love this question.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Um, the first thing that came to mind was Disney.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Oh yeah, this is gonna be hard because I I will just copy everything you say, but I don't want to. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:54

Yeah, yeah. So uh just going to Disney. Yeah, yeah, good one. The whole I could I could talk about that one for hours.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

Uh another thing I really enjoy doing with you is our my uh meditation weekends. Yoga meditation. Every weekend it's when it fits, it's one of my favorite things we do.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Um, I really enjoy our date nights. That's something that we've really uh started up in our game with trying to be creative with date nights.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

We've always done fun things together, but the way it's kind of it's like its own special thing where I get to pick and then you get to pick. Yeah. It's really intentional. So that's three.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

All right. Uh four. I really um uh those three just popped up on a like right out of it.

SPEAKER_00 18:42

Well, I hope you like more than just that.

SPEAKER_01 18:45

Um I enjoy we recently realized we don't like to, or just our for whatever reason our life hasn't created it, but going into nature.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

That's we just went uh to a park about 20 minutes away from our house. Uh really enjoy being in nature with you.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

That's music to my ears.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

That's something that we we just like we we went on a date that I picked was uh nature bath, what was it? Forest bathing. Forest bathing nature therapy. That was something that was really, really powerful. And yeah, and as someone that's trying to disconnect from technology more, uh just nature is is needs to be prioritized more. And so that's that's my fourth one.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Yeah, you want more, baby.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

And I'll say concerts. Um we always have a fun time at concerts. Yeah, that's something that uh that that like I enjoyed doing, you know, since I was a kid, and it just I'm glad that you enjoy it too.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

I love them. Me too, me too. You know what? Being the second person to go is not ideal for this invitation.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

You can say whatever you want.

SPEAKER_00 20:02

Oh, I sure will. What are five things that I enjoy doing with you? Okay, well, I also enjoy going to Disney with you, but I will get specific. I love my favorite part of Disney are the resorts, checking into the resort. So um just spending time with you, exploring the resorts. We like to go to the gift shops and be in our room and go uh stand out on the balcony and hug each other and look at our view, and so I really do love doing that very much. Um, another thing, and yes, you stole my thunder there too, um, are yoga and meditation mornings. But I was gonna say the yoga. I really have fun. I mean, I love the meditation too, but I will say yoga. I have a lot of fun when we do yoga together. We um we get a good stretch and it's always mindful, but we always have a few laughs, also. And um, we do yoga, you're so cute. We do yoga um in our kitchen, and all our kitties are always circling around, and it's just a special time. And we have um a lot of sliding glass doors everywhere, and every morning we've termed it the Forest Friends Cafe because I feed the birds and the squirrels, and so they're always while we're doing yoga, they're right right next to us, it's just a couple feet away, eating all their food. So that's really special. So that's two. Um, one thing I love doing with you that we haven't done enough of, um, and we will do more is camping. We started that last year.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

The year before.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Yeah, I remember I was 49, so when I'm 50, I'll be 51 soon. So yeah, yeah, maybe the year before. Um I had never camped before in a tent in my entire life, and um I love it. It is such a great, focused time to be together and And uh I just love it. Something I love doing with you is going to Costco. It's not Tim's favorite, but it's mine. We go once a month. We don't want to overdo it. So we do a monthly Costco run. Okay, two uh after we learned that we loved camping together, we learned that we like Costco. We have only been Costco members for about a year and a half. So it's still kind of new. And um, I don't know. I just have so much fun going through the aisles and looking at all the all the different things, the price points and the sales, and you know, we we just always have such a great time. We're always talking about all the stuff and we have a great, great time. And uh, so that's four, I think. And the last thing I love doing with you is falling asleep with you every night. We um we don't have a lot of time in our life for TV or movies, we don't do that too much, but we um after many years of me not wanting to have this, we have a TV in our bedroom just because we used to watch one show on the couch and then we'd wake up at three in the morning and I was sleeping peacefully on his lap, and his neck was broken on the back of the couch. Not actually broken, not literally broken, but he uh it wasn't good for Tim. So now we watch one show, maybe Ancient Aliens or something, some kind of something from the History Channel, um, every night. And um Tim is very nurturing, and I lay on him and he tickles me and I fall asleep. Yes, so nice. Um, I feel like I mean our lives are very, very busy, and um for me, I think you Tim, Tim can turn things off a little bit easier, and I think because of my job too in real estate, like people are texting me at 10 o'clock at night, so it it can be hard for me to just shut down for bed, and so just that like get into bed, and as soon as he touches my back, I'm like, lights out, and it it just feels so nurturing and safe, and it's a beautiful way to transition into the next day. So thank you. You're welcome, and I enjoy everything else. Life with you is the very best. Yeah, okay, well, back to the fact that we're with other people.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Yeah, so that brings us to the end of today's episode. So thank you guys again for spending these 24.5 minutes with us so far. Ish.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Nope.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

And uh and yeah, so you can listen to us anywhere you find your podcasts, YouTube, Spotify, Apple, all the rest.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You can also follow us on Instagram uh and Facebook under Our Life as a Honeymoon Official, and feel free to um DM us there, and we will certainly get back to you.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

And if anything from today's episode resonated with you, please feel free to email us at our life as a honeymoon official at gmail.com. Don't forget the official.

SPEAKER_00 24:55

Yeah, official.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

If it goes uh without the official, it goes somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

We don't know those people.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

And uh feel free to comment on YouTube, Spotify, just please reach out to us. It's fun to hear from you.

SPEAKER_00 25:08

We love it. We get so happy when we get a new comment or anything.

SPEAKER_01 25:12

And uh yeah, if you'd like to support us, please buy us a digital Mickey Pretzel at buymeacoffee.com slash our life is a honeymoon.

SPEAKER_00 25:21

Yeah, absolutely. We so appreciate you guys being here with us yet again, and we will see you in two weeks.

SPEAKER_02 25:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

All right, thanks. Good one, honey.

SPEAKER_01 25:41

There we have it. Press the button. Record it, right? Yeah, just throw it and turn it off.