023 Chris and Art

In this episode, I talk about my experience with drawing, something I'm really bad at. As always, I'll be talking about true stories from my life, both as a kid in the US and as an adult in Japan.

Bookmark chapters:

00:00 Start
02:06 Little Chris was bad at art
07:30 Middle school
12:36 They don't believe that I'm actually bad
19:01 Recent art class
25:12 Deep talking about zooming out
33:25 Summary

Chapters

• 0:00 Start
• 2:06 Little Chris was bad at art
• 7:30 Middle school
• 12:36 They don't believe that I'm actually bad
• 19:01 Recent art class
• 25:12 Deep talk about zooming out
• 35:25 Summary

Transcript

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Kuli English Podcast. It's me, your host, Chris. So today it's just me, and there's no one else that's going to be talking today, but I do have a little friend that I'll be introducing probably near the end of the episode.

So today I want to talk about drawing stuff. And when I say drawing stuff, probably the most natural way to say it is to just call it art, but art can mean like drawings or paintings, and it actually can mean like a lot of different things too. So for example, music also counts as art, and painting counts as art, making sculptures or statues, that also counts as art.

And there's more. There's like poetry, there's dance, there's acting, there's all these different things. And so also like personally, I think comedy is kind of like an art, so like I think even this podcast, I would call it kind of an art.

But today when I say art, what I really mean is like drawing stuff. So maybe like the image in your mind is probably something like drawing stuff or painting stuff, maybe with like a pencil and paper or maybe like colored pencils or maybe crayons or maybe you have like a paintbrush. And also before we get started, I want to tell you something that's kind of sad that happened, which is I recorded this whole podcast episode and it took like one or two hours to get like a good recording.

And then I realized that my mic, like it wasn't even plugged in. So like if you're looking at the YouTube version, you'll see that I have a mic and there's like a black wire plugged in. That's because the mic is plugged in.

And so then like all the audio that I had in the previous recording, it was just from my phone. And so when I finally was looking at it in the editor, in the video editor, then I realized, oh, crap, this is really bad. So, you know, if you're listening to this and you're thinking, oh, Chris's audio is really good. 

Just remember that sometimes I have to put in a lot of extra work, like redoing the whole thing to make sure that the audio quality is good. So, you know, like sad for me, whatever. It's fine. 

I kind of enjoy the whole process. 

So anyways, let's take a short little break here and then we'll get started. 

All right, so let's go and get started.

So we're going to be talking about drawing stuff, and I need to start out by telling you, I'm really, really bad at drawing stuff. And when I say this, you might be thinking, oh, maybe Chris is just being humble. Maybe Chris is just saying he's bad, but he's not actually bad.

And I'm actually not lying. I really mean it when I say I'm really, really bad at drawing stuff. And so now I'm going to tell you like the story of my life growing up and how I was like always really bad at art.

So we're going to be talking about the story of a little Chris, a little Kuli-chan. So I'm going to be talking about elementary school. And remember, elementary school is usually between first grade and fifth grade.

So I was probably around seven years old in first grade and then 11 years old in fifth grade. So that's about how old I was. And in my class, you know, there were probably around like 20 students.

And of course, I'm the only Asian kid because this is in Oklahoma, which is like the countryside. So, you know, there's not really much Asians. It's just me. 

And remember, in school, you've got a bunch of different subjects, OK, like class subjects. So there's math, there's history, there's PE, PE, which is physical education. It's like when you go to the gym and you play sports with people to exercise.

And I think everybody really loved PE. That's like most people. That's their that's their favorite subject.

And then there's some other subjects like science. And of course, there's also the one that I'm going to talk about, art. And art class, it was the class that I hated the most.

I was really bad at art and I didn't think it was fun. And then sometimes like when I looked at other people's stuff, like sometimes it would look really good. And then I think like, oh, well, I can't do that.

And, you know, if I try to do stuff, it usually didn't really look good. So that's just kind of discouraging. It's discouraging when you suck.

So I was like, OK, maybe there's no point. I'm not interested. And also, you know, like because I'm only in like second grade, there's not much of like a deep thinking process in my mind.

I'm not thinking like, oh, like what motivates me as a person. In my mind, I was just thinking I want McDonald's or I want to go home and play Neopets or I want to go home and play video games or something like that. But anyways, what happens in art class is you have all 20 students go to the same class, to art class, and then depending on the day, depending on the teacher, then you do something different. 

So sometimes the teacher says, OK, class, we're going to practice drawing this thing from nature. And then there's like some stuff from nature, maybe like a tree or like some plants, and then you practice drawing it. And then sometimes the teacher will say, OK, everyone, today we're going to be drawing shapes. 

And then instead of nature stuff, you draw like shapes like, oh, here's some circles, some squares. And then you just do whatever the teacher does. And I think you don't actually have to follow all the instructions.

But I was a very good boy growing up. I was a very, very good boy. I followed all the rules and I always listened to the instructions and I never did anything against the rules.

And if I did anything against the rules, I cried. And that's something I'll talk about in another episode. And then so while all the students are like working on drawing something, then the teacher sort of walks around and looks at people's stuff.

Right. Like the teacher will look at them. Oh, Timmy, that's a nice drawing that you have.

Oh, Bobby, that's a nice drawing that you have. And you know how like for math, there's like a right answer and there's a wrong answer. So like what is two plus two? The right answer is four.

If you say the answer is three, then the teacher will say, oh, you're wrong. And that's just how it is, because, you know, that's not the right answer. But for art, there's not really like a right answer.

So if somebody draws something and it looks kind of weird, you can't say that's wrong. You know, like you can't do that. But nobody's ever told me your art looks wrong or like your art looks weird.

You never go up to a kid and say, hey, dude, your art sucks. Like you can't say that. That's too mean.

So what people told me is something like, oh, Chris, your art is really interesting. Or they say something like, oh, Chris, your art is so unique. And so it's like these like interesting, unique.

These are the special words that basically mean you suck. So I got this a lot and I knew what it meant. I knew that it meant that I suck, but I really didn't care because I didn't even like the class. 

So I didn't care about getting better. You know, like you think I like the art class? No, I just wanted to go home and play video games. And it's actually a little bit funny because I realized I was really fitting into the Asian stereotype.

So there's like the stereotype in the US. I don't know about other places, but like so for all the other students in the class, they see me and I'm the first Asian that they've ever seen. And I'm good at math.

I play piano and I'm bad at art. So for everyone else in the first grade, in their minds, they're probably thinking like, oh, OK, I guess Asian kids like Chris are good at math and they play piano and they aren't interested in art and they're also bad at art. And, you know, it's not true for all Asian kids.

Like it's just a stereotype. Like some Asian kids are probably bad at math and some are probably actually really good at art. But for me, yeah, I fit the stereotype like 100 percent.

It was a perfect fit. So, you know, I didn't like art. I just wanted to go home and play Neopets.

And so now let's go and talk about middle school. So in elementary school, I sucked at drawing. And then in middle school, I still sucked.

OK, no change, no change. So this is a sixth grade to eighth grade. So when I started, I was around 12 years old.

And I remember at some point I was like, OK, I got to get better at drawing. Like I'm so bad at drawing. I'm sure I can get better.

And then so this is what I did. I went to the library and the library is the place where you can borrow books for free. And then I borrowed this really, really good book.

And this book was how to draw Dragon Ball characters. And if you don't know what Dragon Ball is, it's like a really, really popular anime where a bunch of strong guys fight each other. And by the way, the word anime might have like a another hidden meaning in English that means like, oh, the the anime is from Asia.

So Dragon Ball, it's from Japan, Dragon Ball, and that's in Asia. So you can call it anime. That's fine.

And then for stuff that isn't from Asia, for example, like Tom and Jerry or Spongebob. But these are like cartoons, right? They're not they're not live action, but you don't really call them anime because an anime kind of implies it's from Asia, it's from Japan or something. So Tom and Jerry and Spongebob, you would just call those cartoons.

And actually for Dragon Ball, I think a lot of people also called them cartoons, also called Dragon Ball cartoons. But anyways, let me explain a little bit about Dragon Ball. So in Dragon Ball, the main character is Goku and he's stupid, but he's strong.

And of course, like I wanted to be able to draw Goku. If I could draw Goku, then that would mean like I'm good at drawing. He's like a cool character.

Right. I want to be like Goku. I want to be strong.

I want to beat up bad guys and be strong and be strong. So then what did I do? I opened the book about how to draw Dragon Ball characters. And then I skipped straight to the end where it shows you the final steps on how to draw Goku. 

And then I try to draw that. And guess what? Like it was so bad. It didn't even look like the same character because, well, I didn't actually read the book. 

I didn't actually follow all the steps. And then I just, I just gave up. I was like, okay, I can't do this.

I suck. And then, uh, actually I also had like, uh, I had this one friend who was really, really good at drawing and he could draw a bunch of stuff. Like he can even draw Goku and he can even draw the muscles that Goku has.

And it actually looks pretty good. And then I, at some point I forgot, I forget if it was him that suggested it or maybe it was someone else. But at some point someone was like, Oh Chris, why don't you just trace it? And by trace it, that means you take a piece of paper and you put it on top of the thing that you want to draw.

So you put it on top of Goku and then you can kind of see through the paper. So you can see Goku through the paper and then you kind of copy all the lines that you see. So you just like draw on that paper.

You draw exactly all the little bits of Goku that you see. And then at the end, if you do it all right, you get like a perfect copy. So then I did that and then I got a perfect copy.

It was like an almost perfect copy and I drew it right. I drew it right. Right.

So I was happy with it. Right. And uh, I, I remember I cut it out like with scissors and then I hung them up in my room and then it's like my own Super Saiyan Goku drawing. 

And uh, so, so I was pretty happy with it because technically I drew it, but I think deep down I knew the truth, which was, I didn't actually draw it. I like traced it. So, you know, I just, I was just like a human printer.

I just, I see something and I copy it and that's it. And there wasn't that much skill to it. Like anyone can do it. 

Uh, so I guess deep down I felt like I didn't really draw it. And then after that, I, I don't know why, but I just never really drew anything ever again. And it sounds sad. 

Right. But you know, I, I didn't care. So let's not forget, like I didn't really care and I've always grown up like this. 

It's like, yes, my name is Chris. Yes. I have two arms. 

Yes. I have this skin color. And yes, I'm bad at drawing. 

Like it was just part of me. And I know I'm telling this whole story, like as if it's like, well, well I'm so bad at drawing. I'm so bad at drawing. 

I feel bad. Oh no. Feel sorry for me. 

But the truth is I actually didn't really care. Uh, and, and like, I kind of knew that too, because like when I got the book, I didn't actually try that hard. I just, Oh, let me stick, skip straight to the end, stuff like that. 

So I don't, I don't want you to actually feel bad for me. And it's just like part of the story. Uh, and Oh, also, um, I said that, um, after middle school, I never drew anything again, but, uh, that just means like I never drew like a real drawing. 

Uh, sometimes for like, you know, physics or math or like some kind of other class, you draw like diagrams and these, these little things like help describe calculations. So for example, if you have like two balls and, uh, they're like moving towards each other at these speeds and after they hit each other, like, where do they bounce? Stuff like that. And so that kind of diagram, I can draw that. 

So that's, that's not a problem. Um, so after all this, um, when I say like, uh, I suck at drawing, then you know what I mean, which is yes, I'm actually pretty bad at drawing and I'm not just being humble. It's like the actual truth. 

And I also don't really care about it. So you can laugh at me and I won't be offended. Uh, but anyways, let's go ahead and take a short little break here.

Okay. So we've talked about the past. We talked about little Chris, and now I want to talk about Chris from a couple of weeks ago.

So this isn't little Chris, this is old Chris. This is me from a couple of weeks ago. So actually, uh, I went to go take a drawing class. 

That's right. Even, even though I suck at drawing and I'm not that interested, I still went to go take a drawing class. Like my friend was going to take the class and I was bored. 

So I figured, okay, might as well go try. And also that friend listens to this podcast. So if you're listening, hi. 

Uh, but anyways, this drawing class, it was like, um, it was a two hour free trial. And this two hour free trial is meant for people who are actually considering taking more classes here. Like they want people who will actually be interested and might take more classes there. 

And we all know that like, I suck at art. Like I just told you that story. Right. 

And I never really liked drawing, but because it's a free trial, um, like, uh, I had all these lies ready to go to act like I actually was very interested. I was going to lie and I was going to say, I'm very interested in drawing and I was going to lie and say, Oh, I live very close by. So, you know, I can actually probably take classes here every week if I wanted to.

And that way I'm not like just taking a free trial and then running away. And then, and then the class started and it was completely different from what I was expecting. Like I thought they would ask, Oh, where do you live? And I have my lie ready to go. 

Oh, are you interested in drawing? And I got my lie ready to go. Everything was ready. But then instead, they were just like, Hey, welcome.

And then we sat down and chatted a little bit and then they introduced the staff and there's like three people and they're all really good at art. And then at some point they were like, okay, so what kind of art do you want to try today? We can teach you anything. And it was just so, so nice. 

And then I was thinking like, wait, I didn't, I didn't get my chance to say my lie yet. Like I prepared my lie. I want to say it, but they were just so nice. 

Um, so then, uh, when they asked me and they were like, okay, what do you want to draw? I was, I just told them how I actually felt about drawing. So I said, Oh, I'm actually really, really bad at drawing. And I've never met anyone worse than me in my life. 

And they were like, ha ha, don't worry about it. And then I was thinking like, no dude, like I'm actually really bad. I'm not joking. 

Like I'm not being humble. I'm actually being serious here. And I think it's actually pretty funny because like, uh, they probably just didn't believe me because like they probably have heard people say that all the time.

And it's because Japanese people and Japanese culture, like, it's just so humble that sometimes it's ruined for people like me that are actually bad. And when I say like, I'm actually bad, they don't believe me. Cause I think I'm just being humble. 

Let me give you an example of what I mean. So like, I'm imagining that they probably had some Japanese girl who came in and she said something like, I'm going to talk in Japanese a little bit. 

It's like, (Japanese)

So let me try to say that in English with the same vibe and energy, which is like a, Oh, ever since I was a kid, I used to draw, but the truth is I'm still really, really bad. Ehehe

And I added that little laugh at the end because I feel like it's gotta, it's part of the vibe. And, uh, you know, like if I heard this, I'd be thinking like, no, no, no, you're not really, really bad. That's not true. 

You said you've had this hobby since you were a kid. So that's like over 15 years. So, you know, maybe you're not amazing, but there's no way that you're actually bad.

You're probably like at least average and you're probably just being humble. That's what I would think. Uh, but so for me that day, I told the staff, you know, I told the staff, I'm really, really bad at drawing and I've never met anyone worse than me in my life.

And the staff was probably like, ha ha, I don't believe you because we hear that all the time from Japanese people. So anyways, for the class, they were like, okay, so what do you want to try today? We'll teach you anything. And then I said something like, well, you know, if I can draw anything and it looks good, for example, if I can draw an apple and it looks good, then I'll be satisfied.

And I'll settle for anything. And then they were like, okay, but what would make you proud if you could draw it? And I was like, proud? I, I don't know. Like I had all these lies ready to go. 

Right. Like I was going to say live nearby. I was going to say, I want to take art classes. 

But like deep down, my real feeling was like, I don't think I'm going to get better. And then also deep down, I was thinking like, I want to be able to draw Goku. If I could draw Goku from Dragon Ball Z, I would be so proud. 

But you know, I, I didn't want to tell them the full truth because maybe I was like, I had kind of like a lying character going on. So I just told them kind of the truth. I was like, oh, I guess I want to be able to draw a face. 

And when I, what I was really thinking was I want to be able to draw Goku's face, but I didn't say that. I just said, I want to draw like a face. And they're like, okay, sure. 

Um, so they gave me some suggestions. And at some point they pulled out a mirror and they set it up and they're like, okay, can you see yourself in this mirror? And I was like, uh, I don't, I don't know how I feel about drawing myself. It feels kind of awkward.

I've never even drawn like anyone else's face before. And then they were kind of like, oh, maybe he was serious when he says he actually hasn't drawn anything. And then eventually they were like, okay, well, why don't you try drawing the face of someone who you think is cool? Like when I say cool, like whose face comes to mind. 

And, uh, I, I was thinking of a bunch of people, but then I was also thinking about my friend. I have a different friend and he also listens to this podcast too. So hi.

But, uh, his face, isn't the face like that I was thinking of. Uh, the friend, that friend always said that he thinks the most handsome man in the world is definitely, definitely Mads Mikkelsen, Mads Mikkelsen. He's like a famous actor. 

He's from Denmark. Uh, that's in Europe. And then, and then the teacher was like, okay, perfect.

That's great. Uh, he's got strong facial features. So it's like really easy to, I guess, identify which parts are the main parts. 

And so it should be a good, good one. And then with that, then it was decided I was going to draw this handsome actor, Mads Mikkelsen, like Mads Mikkelsen. So then they, they printed out a picture of him. 

And for about two, two, not two years, about two hours, I worked on this drawing. And then, uh, I want to tell you about all that, but let's take a short little break here.

Okay, so just to review, I'm taking this drawing class. And for two hours, I was going to draw this famous actor whose name is Mads Mikkelsen. In Japanese, it's Mads Mikkelsen. 

And then I started drawing this thing. And then in the beginning, I didn't know how to start, right? So what do I do when I don't know what to do? I like look to my left, I look to my right, and I got to find somebody to copy. But there's like no one else taking this class except me and my friend. 

And well, there's like a six year old girl like over there, but she's drawing something else. And my friend's drawing something else. So I've got no one to copy.

But luckily, one of the teachers was behind me. And she was so nice. Ami-san, she's so nice. 

And then she was like, oh, well, you can start with a circle for the face. And then so like, I was about to start. And before I started, she was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you should hold the pencil like this. 

And then so she was like, you got to hold it in a special way. You don't hold it like the way that you do when you're going to write words, you hold it long like it's side. Let me see if I have something I got this remote here. 

So like when I hold the pencil, this is only for the YouTube version, I guess. But when you hold the pencil, you know, you hold it like you're going to write. And then when you draw when you hold the pencil for when you're going to draw like you hold it kind of like this, and it's like a kind of different. 

So apparently, if you do it that way, then it draws like a little bit softer. So it's not as hard, it's softer, and it'll be easier to erase as well. And also, there's like a special eraser that like artists use, which I didn't know. 

And you want to be really light, you want to do like small strokes, not like one big line, but like small strokes. So that's easier to control. And then I was like, Oh, okay, okay, that makes sense. 

And then also, also, the pencils that they have at this place, they're like all specially manually cut with like a box cutter. It's not sharpened by like a machine, or like some kind of tool. It's like cut manually, with like the hand of some artist. 

So so they're like purposely not as sharp, and they're really angled. So that way, you can have an even softer pencil stroke. And then I was like, wow, this is a different world. 

So like in the first like 30 seconds, I'm already learning a bunch of new stuff. And I thought it was actually really, really cool. Because you know, like you get to see, you know, like, when you see pros draw stuff, and, or like when really good people draw stuff, they usually do these like small strokes, and it looks really cool. 

They do these like small steps, and it goes like, and then I was thinking like, well, if there's any one time for me to pretend to be like an artist, that's now. So then I did that. I held the pencil all weird, and I was going like, and I was like doing more motions with my body as if I'm like really into it was pretty fun. 

And then so every now and then I would work on some part. And then I would have no idea what to do next. But then you know, Ami san, the teacher behind me was like really, really nice. 

And she was there like the whole time, and she would give me so much help. So she'll be like, Okay, maybe you can focus on this part next. And then she'll also explain why she'll be like, Oh, so this part looks pretty good. 

But now let's make sure that the other part also looks as good. That way it's more balanced. And then I was like, Yes, master. 

Yes, master, whatever she said, I'll do it. Okay. Because maybe if I maybe if I did like a good job just following each of the small instructions, then we've got a chance maybe maybe we can make something good. 

And then, uh, another thing is like, even though my drawing was definitely very, very ugly, she like never said anything about it. She never said the thing that I got so much or just like, Oh, Chris, your drawing is so interesting. That's that's what I always got growing up.

And, you know, so from my teacher, this time, there was no judgment. It felt a lot like teamwork. Like she would ask like, Oh, if there's one part that you think looks weak and could improve on like, which part are you thinking of? And then I'll say something like, I don't know, maybe maybe the neck, he doesn't really have a neck and it should be like, okay, sure. 

Um, then I can, I can agree with that. So let's give it some more shadow because the other parts have like enough shadow. So let's have the neck also have more shadow. 

And then I was like, Oh, okay. Okay. That makes sense. 

And so, you know, there's a difference here. There's a difference between her telling me what to do next versus her like suggesting, Hey, like, let's think about these questions about like how we decide what to do next. What do you think we should do next? And then so I see that process. 

And, um, so then, so then we, you know, get to work. And by work, I mean, like I do the drawing and then the teacher does the emotional support and the guidance part. And the emotional support is because like every now and then I'll think like, Oh, no, this is not good. 

Should I just erase it? And the teacher would just be like, No, it's okay. You can go with it. Or the teacher would say, I mean, you can erase it if you want, but it's like actually really calming to have someone that you think is like really competent, someone who you think is good to be there and kind of like give you an okay, like a thumbs up and it's like, it's okay, keep going. 

And then, um, yeah, so sometimes, you know, I would draw stuff and it like, it wasn't really good. And then the teacher probably knew the teachers like, you know, teachers got a lot of experience. So, so the teacher probably knew it was like not good. 

But I wouldn't know it. And then she'll say, Okay, so let's take a step back and appreciate what we've got so far. And then she pulls the drawing back like a meter or so. 

And then there's kind of like two main feelings I had. Number one was like, wow, actually, it's starting to look like a person's face. And this was such a new feeling for me. 

Like I've never drawn something in my life and actually thought it was like even close to good. You know, for 30 years of my life, never had that. So this was new. 

This was like a new feeling for me. I was like, Oh, yeah, this feels good. And then the second thing that I thought was like, okay, his eyes look weird. 

They're like in the wrong place. And they're kind of at a weird angle and so then we were talking about it a little bit. And I'll say like, hmm, I think his eyes are kind of small. 

And like, you know, he doesn't really look like a European guy. He looks kind of Asian or something like that. And so we both laugh a little bit. 

And then we get back to work and fix the eyes a little. And then so this happened, like, I think two to three times where she would like, pull back the painting or the paint, pull back the drawing, and then we kind of look at it and talk about it. And, and I always thought like, Oh, wow, like, number one, this is looking more and more like a person. 

And then number two, okay, I got to fix this part, this part. And so actually here, I want to kind of take a short little pause here, not a music break, but like a just a pause in terms of the topic. And I want to talk about this, like taking a step back to look at the painting thing. 

And it's going to be actually a pretty hard topic. But I'll do my best to explain it slowly. And, but it's just it's going to be a hard topic, I think. 

So if you don't fully understand it, like, I'm sorry, but I'm doing my best here. So yes, in art, it's good to take a step back and see the whole picture. Right. 

So that's what we did for the drawing, like take a step back and then we look at it. But it's also good for stuff that's not art, too. It's not just art. 

So for example, if you're trying to do a good job singing a song, then you can't focus on just like one part. For example, you can't just focus only on the pitch or the notes. If you know, if you look too much at that, or if you think too much about that, then you actually might forget about the other stuff. 

So, you know, it'd be good if you can like record it. And then you take a step back and look at the whole thing and you think about not just the pitch, but also like, oh, is the volume okay? How's the voice tone? Is this part too fast? Or is there too much vibrato or something like that? And but like, you know, if you take a step back, you'll be able to see like a bunch more things. And so it's not just music. 

Okay, there's also more. I'm going to talk a little bit more about deeper stuff. So now let's talk about people. 

So not about how people look on the outside, but what's on the inside? And what's on the inside of people? It's a, it's a tough, it's a tough question. But some people have like a, like a certain part of them. That's like a big part of their identity. 

For example, if I say to you, Hey, do you have a friend that's like really, really good at math? You probably do. And I do. I'm thinking of a guy. 

His name's Connor. But so, so that friend that you think is really good at math, in your mind, you probably have like an image of that friend. You have like a painting of that friend. 

And in that painting, the math part is really strong. So it's like when you look at that painting of the friend, you notice, okay, you know, like the math part of this is so big. So maybe it's like you look at some painting and you realize, oh, the eyes are really big. 

So it's not like the eyes are really big. It's oh, this guy's math is really strong. And that's, that's like the big part of the painting. 

And it's not just you that thinks that way, but probably most people that know that friend, they probably also think, Oh, like this friend is really good at math. So they have like a little painting in their mind as well. But now let's go a little bit deeper. 

Okay. So it was, we're gonna go pretty deep. So that friend who's good at math, he probably is actually, you know, he's actually just a normal human being. 

And he probably does things in life, like more things in life besides just being good at math, because he's a normal person. So for example, maybe he's like bad at cooking and he's scared of dogs. And it's like, it's not that bad, but it's not amazing either. 

So, you know, being really, really good at math, wow, that's amazing. But like, you know, being bad at cooking and being scared of dogs is kind of very normal. But then in your mind, like you're, you have a painting of this friend, and it also has these parts.

The biggest part is he's really good at math. But also you can see that he's kind of bad at cooking, and he's scared of dogs. And you know, those parts aren't that special, but it is part of the painting. 

And then so now you might have a guess as to like what I'm going to say, you might be thinking, Oh, Chris is probably going to say something like, if you really want to appreciate someone, you need to take a step back from the painting and appreciate the whole painting. 

So you should appreciate not just the math part, which is the impressive part, but also the bad at cooking part and the scared of dogs part. And that those are like some really normal human parts. 

And yes, I think that's true. I think you should do that. But actually, what I wanted to say was something else. 

It's even deeper. And this is probably going to be the hardest part of the whole episode. 

But what I wanted to say is even if you look at the whole thing, you look at the whole painting, you look at the whole thing and you appreciate the whole thing, you appreciate the painting, whatever, it's still not the real thing because what's there is it's only a painting in your own mind of this friend. 

So even if you have a really good painting, even if you've known this person for a really long time, and you've been working on this painting for a long time, and you like add all the parts, you know, he's bad at cooking, you know, he's scared of dogs. You, you, you like know that he likes reading books or you think he smells weird or something like you put all these small things, no painting will ever be good enough to really, really, really understand this friend as a person, you need to know how he would paint himself, not how you would paint him, but how he would paint himself. So like how does he view himself? You need to know which parts of himself he thinks are his strongest parts. 

So does he also think that being good at math is like his strongest thing. And you also need to know if he feels ashamed when he has to paint the part about being bad at cooking or like the scared of dogs part, like does he feel ashamed about being scared of dogs or does he feel ashamed about, you know, being bad at cooking? So I guess what I'm trying to say is when you try to understand people, you need to look closely at the details and you also need to take like a step back and see the whole thing. And then you also need to take like 10 steps back to see them and see how they view themselves. 

So some people say that people are defined by their actions and it's kind of true. So for example, if someone studies really hard every single day is different from someone who just says they want to study hard, but then they don't actually study hard. Like it's different to say it versus to actually do it. 

But, but the way I see it, I think there's more to it. It's not just that people are defined by their actions. They're also defined by why they do those actions and how they feel about those actions. 

So for example, imagine the same example. So there's a guy who studies every day, but the reason why he studies also matters a lot and it's going to change how I view them and it's going to change how I understand them as well. So imagine one guy who studies really, really hard because his parents tell him, if you don't study, then no video games. 

And this guy is just like, okay, well, I got to study so I can go home and play Neopets. That's not me, but, uh, and now imagine the same guy, uh, but it's a little bit different. So he studies really hard because his best friend is really, really smart and he wants to go to the same college as his best friend. 

So it's nothing to do with video games. He's just like, I have my best friend. I'm nothing without my best friend. 

I got to follow him to the good college. So I got to study. And then this one's kind of like, okay. 

Like when you hear this, it's a little bit heartwarming. It's like, oh, he's working hard for his friend. And you know, it doesn't matter if it's like heartwarming or not. 

These are just different people. So I'm saying like the reason why is a big deal. And now let me give one last example here. 

So imagine the same guy, but the reason is different. So he studies hard every day, but it's because he's poor and his family's poor. And he knows that unless he can get a full scholarship to a college, he'll never escape being poor because like, uh, in the US um, a lot of colleges will give like, it's called a merit based scholarship, which is like, they will pay for your college if you are very smart. 

And the way that you show your smart is you have to like do really well on tests and stuff like that. And maybe you have to write essays, maybe you have to apply or something. But like, uh, for some people, like, um, especially the lot in like American education in the whole world, it's not completely true, but it's kind of like, if you study really hard, you can probably become successful. 

That's like a lot of the stuff. So, so that like, imagine that, okay. Imagine someone who believes that and they're like working really hard for that. 

Then it's, it's super different. It's different from the guy who only studies because the parents tell him to is different from the guy who just wants to be with his best friend and is different for like the, the college guy who's like, oh, I got to go to college for free or else I'll never escape being poor. Um, so in my opinion, it's not just the actions, but the reasoning and their feelings, uh, are like a huge, huge part of people. 

And that's why I think people are the most interesting thing in this world by far. So anyways, let's take one short little break here and then, uh, we'll come right back and finish up the episode.

All right. 

So let's continue. So in this last part, I talked a little bit about a deeper topic about why I think people are interesting and how it's important to keep taking steps back to remember, to understand the whole picture. And even after taking one step back, sometimes you want to take like 10 steps back to really understand the whole environment. 

And I think that's a pretty good thing to do every now and then because it's really easy to forget to do that. And of course, you know, like this is just my opinion and you can live however you want. You don't have to do that. 

Um, you don't even have to agree with it. That's okay. People can think different things and it's okay. 

So anyways, let's get back to the story about like the drawing thing. Uh, so anyways, I finished that drawing, right? And it was the best drawing I've ever drawn in my life. And uh, you know, that's not really saying much, right? Because I basically never drawn anything else in my whole life, except like the Cheater Goku thing. 

Uh, but when I see this drawing, like, uh, I'm kind of happy and, uh, I'm not happy because it's like an amazing drawing. It's just okay. And I've seen other people's drawings. 

And of course, like I'll never reach that level. And I mean, like most other people's drawings, I probably won't reach that level. So I think I'm kind of below average. 

Uh, and actually I have that drawing hanging up behind me and I might have mentioned it in the previous podcast. I forget, but, uh, it's like right behind me. And so if you're watching the YouTube version, like, uh, there's, there's that and I'll probably cut to it like, uh, in the breaks. 

Um, but, uh, what I'm really happy about, um, is, uh, not because this drawing is good, but it's like, I remember that in this class I changed, like me as a person, I actually changed. Okay. So before I went into this class, I told you already, right? I said, I was super ready with a bunch of lies about where I lived and you know what my job was and like, I was going to lie about how I was interested in taking more classes. 

And the biggest thing is I actually thought that I was super bad at drawing and it was like impossible for me to get better. You know, it's like, it's like some things just don't work. Like you can't teach your dog to play guitar. 

No matter how good the teacher is, you cannot teach your dog to play guitar. It won't work. And so that was my thought. 

Like I was like, it's just, I can't draw. Okay. And even if I wanted to improve, I had no idea how to improve. 

But then, but then during this class, I had this amazing experience. So we've got Ami san, like the teacher and she took all my doubts, all my worries, and then she was just like, and she made me realize it's not true. The doubts and the worries, they were all in your mind. 

It's just something that I thought about myself because of how I grew up. Uh, and you know, like I'm saying this, like it's a really big deal for me, but you know, drawing was never a really important thing to me. So I didn't actually care about like being bad.

If I actually cared a lot and I wanted to be good at drawing and this was like some kind of like huge traumatic experience for me, then I'd probably be crying right now. I'd be like, Oh my God, guys, like I drew stuff and it was so, it was so big and it wasn't that big. Okay. 

I just drew stuff and I feel good about it. It's kind of like that.

But um, but after I left that class, I learned wait a minute. 

If even I can draw, okay, so this is the Chris who has never drawn anything before. And this is the Chris that was always told, Oh, Chris, your drawing is so unique. Oh, it's so, so interesting. 

And like, you know, I get told all this stuff, but I realized that if even I can do this, then probably like anyone with the right education can succeed. And let me say that again, anyone with the right education can succeed. And I'm not saying that anyone with the right education can become the best in the world. 

Even if I like worked really hard on drawing, I seriously doubt that I could get like actually good to the point where I'm better than most of my friends. Um, but still enough to succeed, meaning like to reach a certain expectation for yourself to do what you need to do. And I think it's the same for learning English.

So a lot of people have had some form of education for English because English is the most useful language in the world, uh, English school or English classes. Um, you probably had something, but maybe, maybe you were like me in art class and you just weren't interested in English as a kid. And then if you're not interested, then you're not really going to try. 

You're not really going to get better. You just do like the bare minimum to pass. And then later in life, once you realize actually, wait, yes, I do want English skills.

Well, then this is when things change. And that's when it's time to be picky about your education. So you have so many choices, you know, so you could sign up for classes. 

You could take some kind of course. You can go out and do things like, for example, there's like language exchange event stuff. You could go to sports events with people that only speak English. 

You try to play games online with people that speak English, use Discord, whatever. There's so many ways to do stuff because there are so many ways to use language, which is like a communication tool. You can stay at home.

You can watch YouTube. You can watch TV, watch Netflix, whatever, you can listen to podcasts. You can listen to this podcast. 

You can listen to other ones that talk about like, you know, super like dating stuff or you can listen to other ones that talk about like murder and stuff. But there are so many like different ways to learn English that now the hardest part is not to find one, but it's like to find the one that works for you. And that's that's really hard. 

And you probably can't really do a good job all on your own either. Like these are things that you want exposure from friends or your teacher or something. So you can feel free to ask your friends like, Hey, what do you think like worked for you for studying English? And I think it's a good question to ask.

You don't really lose anything by asking that. You can also ask your English teacher. You can ask all of your English teachers, all the English teachers you've ever known. 

You can ask them and I'm sure they'll be happy to tell you. Hopefully if the teacher actually cares about the students, they'll give you a good answer. You don't want them to just say like, oh, the best way you'll ever learn is to study with me. 

I'm the best teacher because there is no best teacher in the world. Maybe there's one, but there's only one and there's like, you know, over what, seven or eight billion people in the world. But, um, I think, uh, you can ask your English teacher, you can ask all your English teachers and every now and then you need to be adding to your list of English teachers.

You want to try out new teachers and you want to try out new methods. So not Netflix, not the language exchange stuff, but like something new. You got to try everything. 

Um, so what I mean here is like every now and then don't forget to take a step back from yourself and you see like, oh wait, I've been focusing too much on drawing this part. Um, I got to focus on some other stuff. I got to give other things a chance. 

So take a step back and, uh, you know, think about some other parts and then take another step back and don't forget to look at the whole picture and you're like, oh wait, this is kind of looking good. So you might be thinking, oh wait, actually, I think I can kind of understand English now. And you know, if you've been working super hard for like a year or two, like you, you might forget like, oh yeah, I kind of got used to being able to understand this level. 

I was always working on the next thing. But every now and then, you know, you got to stop and appreciate yourself too. So take a step back and you realize, wait, I can understand most of Chris's podcast. 

Then, you know, that's a pretty good thing. You want to look at that and you want that joy. You deserve that joy. 

So you know, he can be happy. And the whole journey of how you learned English is something that you like should never forget to appreciate. Because it also kind of defines you as a person. 

It's part of your identity as well. So remember that friend who's really good at math. Well, for you, however you learn English, that's also another small part of your painting as well.

And remember that journey is never going to be over. So you should try to enjoy it every step of the way. And maybe you can share that journey with your friends who also feel the same way. 

And that might also have you guys like become closer friends. Okay. So that's going to be it for this episode. 

So thank you so much for listening until the end. And as always, feel free to subscribe or follow if you like this podcast. And if you already have, thank you.

And I'll do my best to keep making good content. I hope to see you in the next episode of Kuli English podcast. We can zoom in on that picture as I leave.