Beyond Banana Condoms: When Sex Ed Meets Soulwork

Intimacy is more than mechanics or performance. It is the sacred art of being fully present with ourselves and with each other. It is laughter and play, tenderness and courage, the softening of shame, and the opening into pleasure.

What I witnessed in this workshop felt like pure magic. Partners leaning into one another until the whole room exhaled. Blindfolded explorations where trust unfolded. A pleasure circle where joy and desire moved like electricity through community.

This is the intimacy education we should have received. A space where connection feels playful, healing is shared, and the body is honored as sacred. A place where we learn to ask, to listen, to touch with reverence, and to allow ourselves to be witnessed in truth.

May these reflections stir something within you. May they remind you that your body is worthy, your desire is holy, and your intimacy is yours to reclaim.

Themes Explored in This Episode

•  What an intimacy workshop actually is (beyond traditional s*x ed) 
•  The role of community in healing and transformation 
•  Why connection and shared experience deepen self-awareness 
•  The structure of a workshop: arrival, intention-setting, and grounding 
•  Using play and lightness to open up intimacy 
•  Somatic work and why the body must be included in healing 
•  Shame, conditioning, and emotional patterns around the body 
•  Healing relationships with genitals and s*xual expression 
•  The difference between knowing how something works vs. knowing how to feel it 
•  Why healing in community can be more powerful than healing alone 

Key Takeaways

•  Intimacy is a skill that can be learned and practiced 
•  Traditional s*x ed often lacks emotional and relational depth 
•  Being in community creates validation, connection, and expansion 
•  The body must be included in any real healing process 

Reflection Questions

•  What comes up for me when I think about being seen in intimacy? 
•  Do I feel safe exploring my body and my desires? 

Intimacy isn’t something you “just know.”
 It’s something you learn, practice, and grow into.

And sometimes, the shift you’re looking for
 happens when you stop doing it alone.

Jump to the Part That Calls You

0:00 Intro
1:44 What An Intimacy Workshop Actually Is
7:26 Creating Safe Spaces for Connection
12:30 Exploring Somatic Healing and Intimacy
19:02 Grounding and Reflection in Intimacy
23:29 Embracing Vulnerability and Growth

Connect with me:
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desiretheforbidden
justasuccugirl

Website
https://www.desiretheforbidden.com/

Transcript

Sage (00:12.014)
Hello, you sweet, sexy vixens. It's so good to be back with you all today. my goodness. I feel like I have lived so many lifetimes since the last time we all spoke. I just feel like there's been so much evolution and growth.

and shifting for me. And it's just been so beautiful. And unironically, a lot of that started with the intimacy workshop that I hosted, which was something I was doing literally the day after I recorded the last podcast. And that intimacy workshop just shifted me. It changed me. It evolved me. And so I just wanted to have a little chitty chat where we talk a little bit about

intimacy workshop because I know some of you are probably like what is an intimacy workshop? Why would I go to an intimacy work? Like what is that about? Like why would I do that? And honestly the best and fun like the best and most fun way that I can express what an intimacy workshop is it's literally s*x ed like in high school in a group. Let me take that back.

Sage (01:40.608)
If I could describe what s*x ed is, would literally say it's like... Hold on, let me take this back.

Sage (02:30.891)
Intimacy workshops are kind of like high school s*x ed if s*x ed actually taught you anything useful. So instead of diagrams and fear tactics, we're actually learning how to connect, how to communicate, how to actually enjoy intimacy, how to actually be together in connection, how to focus on consent and be together in community. So like, it really is like,

a redo of high school s*x ed, but this time we're all adults and we're curious. And instead of these like awkward videos, we're actually exploring real tools and real skills for pleasure, for trust, for connection and for deepening intimacy and understanding how our bodies work. It is literally what I wish s*x ed had been for me, where we had actually been in community and in communication.

Specifically the communication part because one of the things that I felt like really came through in the intimacy workshop was just how much everyone really valued getting to hear other people's experiences because getting to hear other people's experiences gave them a sense of resonance. It gave them a place of connection. It gave them a place of humanization and it was such a beautiful thing to witness and it just it completely blew me away. It was so beautiful.

Sage (04:04.334)
I'm gonna adjust this.

Sage (04:36.786)
One of my absolute favorite quotes that somebody said at the workshop was, feel like I call.

Sage (04:56.366)
My absolute favorite comment that someone said at the workshop is I feel like I called an Uber to pick me up and a spaceship actually arrived and brought me here because you just blew me away. It just brought people to this different place. And as much as I would love to be like, that's definitely about me and I'm an amazing facilitator and guide. I mean, like, yes, I am. But really, I think what transforms us and takes us outside to that place

that really propels us into a different universe together is when we're in community. When we can see ourselves and our experiences reflected in other people and in other people's stories and in other people's way of relating, I think that takes us to a new reality together. And that feels like a new universe because you're in a space where you're like, wow, people are talking about s*x.

wow, people are talking about their bodies and thinking about pleasure and wondering about how things function and how they can show up to be more connective or be more intimate and there are other people besides me wondering these things and thinking about these things and have opinions and thoughts about these things and something about that is just so deeply beautiful. So this episode is really just like a little behind the scenes.

for us to talk about kind of the day, what we worked through, a little bit of the exercises, just so that you can also come along on the journey of being in an intimacy workshop and thinking about how you might maybe show up to one of these one day, or if you feel in brave one day and wanna do some in-person work with me or with other intimacy coaches or guides or practitioners, just giving you a little sneak peek of what things could look like, how things could feel, what you might engage with.

so that you feel a little bit more comfortable. And yeah, I'm just, I hope that you get a lot out of this. I hope that you enjoy the journey that we are about to go on. And I'm super excited for you to be here.

Sage (07:02.968)
So I tend to usually start all of my events with some sort of arrival and opening circle. So arrival is usually like a 30 minute window. And in this 30 minute window, I try to create a space where people can socialize, engage, connect, food, snacks, nourishment, are a big part of that as well. It helps move some of that like anticipatory nervous energy in the room when everyone's showing up and feeling a little like, is going to happen? What do I expect?

You know, who am I going to meet? How are things going to go? It's that anticipatory, nervous, really excited energy, that nice little buzz energy. And so I like to feed folks, nourish them, give them space to sit down, connect, have conversation and really just settle in. After we've done the arrival window, we move to an opening circle. An opening circle is really just an opportunity for folks to meet each other, set some intentions and really ground into the space.

So we did a heart opener to start with a cacao ceremony, which was really beautiful. And we had a beautiful opportunity to do some meditating with that. And then we sat with our partners and held each other really close and did some connection and drop in, set some intentions for the day, thinking about what we wanted to bring to the space, what we wanted to explore, what we might need from our partners in order to feel good that day.

Then we set the container and set some agreements. So largely thinking about how do we want to show up in the container that day? What do we all want to agree to in order to engage in the space authentically and fully? What do we need in order to engage in the space authentically and fully? And you know, anything that we might need to ask for to make sure that we're feeling good for the day. And then, you know, we thought a little bit about our intentions and shared and everybody got an opportunity to say hello.

was just nice to meet everyone. After opening circle we moved into what I call just like the precursor of the workshop. I think it's really important in these type of intimacy workshops that we give opportunity for people to start slowly connecting. It can feel like a lot to move right into healing or move right into intensity of

Sage (09:22.454)
intimacy or things like that. And so I think a slow warm up, a slow build up is super important. So we started with some fun intimacy games because if you know me, you know, if anything, we're trying to have fun. Intimacy is meant to be fun. It's meant to be pleasurable. And sometimes we haven't spent time tuning in or dropping into our pleasure or our fun in a while. So we played some intimacy games where we did some like appreciation spiraling, where we said things that we appreciated for about each other back and forth.

We did a blindfolded exploration, which I think is such a beautiful exploration where partners take turns being blindfolded and then the other partner explores them with their hands. It's such a beautiful, loving exercise and it's such a fun sensory exercise and it's just good to awaken the body, awaken the senses and start to get the connection flowing. It was really interesting.

During the intimacy games, could see how much people were starting to really awaken themselves and really start to kind of shake off some of the armor. It was really interesting because in the session, somebody had even said how difficult it was for them to drop in during the intimacy games and that they actually felt some resistance and felt different parts of their body really struggling.

And then that person also feeling some semblance of shame or worry that they're now then ruining their partner's experience as well. And so it was really beautiful to sit in that reflection with that person and that couple and just talk through what sitting in stillness and sitting in intimate presence does to us and what it evokes in us and how that can teach us a lot about what we might need.

or what we might be working on healing or what we might need to be healing in our intimacy and in our relationships. And so I really, really enjoyed watching all of the couples go through the fun intimacy games. It was so fun to watch people connect. And I think it was so interesting seeing some of the couples who had been together for longer term, know, 10 plus years versus those of us who had only been together.

Sage (11:41.123)
you know, for a few years or, you know, even maybe a few months and seeing the difference between how those connections show up, how beautiful they are, but how unique they are because of the depth and presence of each of those dynamics. And so it was just so beautiful. I loved tuning in with everyone. It was such a beautiful, beautiful space.

Sage (12:09.111)
you

Sage (12:14.527)
One of the most important things to me about DTF and the business and the workshops and educational platforms and workshops and classes that I lead is that it is very important that there is a somatic connection to what we are doing. You know, I think in high school s*x ed or just in s*x ed in general, there's a lot of hyper focus on

medical, biological, anatomical, scientific information. And again, I don't think that that is negative or bad per se. I think it is needed. I think it is necessary. We have to have that information. I also believe that we have to have the somatic experience. I think that we cannot be talking about experiences in the body and of the body without actually being

in our bodies, talking about experiencing, feeling, witnessing and being in our experiences. And so in my intimacy workshops, I always really focus on bringing in a healing component that focuses on a somatic exercise or activity or exploration for the body with partners.

And so our particular exercise for this workshop was yoni and lingam healing or vaginal or penile healing. And this is basically genital healing, working on genital energy, thinking through how our genitals and how our shame about our genitals show up in our relationships, how we feel about our genitals and what that means and how we show up sexually. And so really thinking about

how we engage with our genitals from a place of healing and a place of pleasure. This is really the time where we focused on kind of sacred healing together. One of the most beautiful things I think about this section was the discussion on shame and reclaiming desire and reclaiming our genitals. There was so much shared in the discussion about

Sage (14:33.679)
how people feel about their genitals, the shame they grew up with around their genitals, what stories they were told about what was allowed to be and not be about their genitals. And I think one of the ones that I found particularly interesting because I do not have a penis and because I do not have that experience of having external genitalia, I was so fascinated to hear the experience of people in the room.

who have a penis talking about their shame and emotional connection to their erection. And a lot of the people in the room were talking about how their erections had so much shame attached to them while also this expectation of a level of control, that you'd be able to control this physical response in your body that again is

largely out of your control, that you're meant to somehow learn how to control that. And then as you learn to control that, you then also have to perform. And so this like cyclical cycle for people with that particular genitalia feeling this shame cycle, but then pleasure cycle and shame cycle and pleasure cycle. And then the confusion of when is it okay? When is it not okay? How do I do this? How do I not do this? What do I do when it doesn't do what I want it to?

And really just thinking about how much we all hold in terms of stories and narratives about our genitals and how much that shows up for our intimate connections and especially when we have s*x. So we spent some time in the workshop going through different massage and

Sage (16:36.783)
So we spent some time in the workshop going through some massage techniques and talking a little bit about how we can help de-armor the body a little bit to receive pleasure and to receive touch. We also did some affirmations and spoke some affirmations to our genitals and had our partner speak affirmations to our genitals and really witnessing and watching how much was surfacing for folks was really incredible.

We definitely had some folks go through some really large experiences, some trauma and triggers come up for sure. And I think that that to me is just such a sign of how important this work is. And again, that you take it at your own pace and use your discernment on when it's appropriate for you to engage with it and at what pace and at what cadence and at what level, absolutely.

but just the importance of at least working with it in some way and engaging with it in some way and how important that is to your health and wellbeing, especially sexually. It was just really beautiful to watch people go through that experience and really shift their energy and really move into a place of pleasure and healing.

Sage (17:59.56)
After we did the healing exercises, I knew that I wanted to guide the participants through something that would be a bit more grounding and be a bit more meditative, more still, more reflective, because I knew they'd be moving through a lot of healing in the last exercise. And so I invited in an opportunity for a rope ritual where each partner got to tie the other person in a static or

basically still position, a non-moving position. And that when we did that, we were inviting in reflection and an opportunity for people to ground into their body from whatever happened through the somatic experience of the healing exercise with the massages and the affirmations. And so I just remember thinking how beautiful it was watching people go through this. And I had specifically mentioned that

In this particular rope ritual, one of the things we're trying to do is to get people in their bodies. And what I have noticed is that largely when I have worked with men or male clients, that they need a lot of pressure on their body in order to actually drop in. That because they are so in their head and so analytical and so mental most of the time, that in order to tune into their bodies, they actually need a bit of pressure.

on their bodies to kind of sink them in. And when I expressed this to the couples and we moved into practice, I was witnessing so many of the women doing this to their male partners, adding extra pressure, using their body weight to lean and add pressure and add weight to their partners and just seeing their male partners release.

and relax and settle into the body and we could just feel that energy exit the room and just literally exhale as we were all navigating in that space. And I just, thought it was so beautiful and it was such an incredible thing to witness and to be a part of.

Sage (20:15.65)
Lastly, we ended the

Sage (20:21.58)
Lastly, we ended the ritual day. Lastly,

Lastly, we ended the day with a pleasure circle. A pleasure circle was an opportunity for everybody to be blindfolded in the circle and experience some sensation of pleasure, whatever that meant to them in a circle. And I kind of guided and facilitated through like a meditative exercise. And pleasure circles, I think for me, are so interesting because I think they really speak to the power of

Feeling a sense of pleasure heightened energy excitement happiness joy in the same space as other people and being able to kind of feed or siphon off that energy that happiness that joy that pleasure that that is Contagious that you can feel that that you can engage with that that that it is something that you can cycle through the air through your body through

through the circle that you're in of people. And so the pleasure circle was really beautiful because I could feel people moving through a lot of their healing. I could feel people moving through a lot of their stories. I'm really, you know, more than anything in those moments, really thinking about that high school s*x ed healing where, you know, I wish we could have all been in community together having these deeper conversations.

being able to ask each other questions and kind of have this space to grow and evolve together. And I feel like that really came through in the pleasure circle and that energy was like really heightened and exposed at that time.

Sage (22:11.31)
At the end of the day, we had an opportunity for closing circle and reflections. It was just really such an honor to get to hear people share what they were taking away from the experience, what they were getting out of it, their gratitude for their partners and getting to spend some time together and witness each other. And I just thought it was so beautiful to listen to folks and I thought it was just really, really, really amazing.

to get to watch people kind of bloom and blossom and crack open and basically just become more intimate and more deep with their partners. I could feel a lot of the energy that was moving in that space and in that time. And another quote that came out in the kind of closing circle that really resonated for me or stuck with me was,

Someone said, you know, I've been to a lot of intimacy workshops and you know, I leave feeling good. But this is the only one where I've left feeling challenged.

And I think I used to, as a facilitator and as a guide, really struggle with the idea of challenging people. I used to worry that challenging people was upsetting them or being at odds with them or being in a contentious situation with them. And ultimately, it is. And something about being in tension with someone used to make me feel very bad, very wrong.

very like I had said or done something that wasn't allowed. And what I really realized is that no, I'm asking the question or I'm asking you to do something or I'm putting you in a situation in this workshop because I want to challenge who you are right now in this moment because that's why we're here. We're here to be moved. We're here to be changed. We're here to be evolved.

Sage (24:17.422)
And we can't do that if we don't speak truth. And we can't do that if we don't ask hard questions. And we can't do that if someone doesn't literally challenge the very belief systems we hold when we walk in coming into that workshop.

And I just had such a breakthrough in this workshop about how important that is for me as a facilitator to not take that personally, to not shy away from that, to not run away from that, but to feel comfortable and safe, to walk towards challenging people, to asking the hard questions, to asking people to go into their shame. When I asked the question about shame and genitals, someone said,

That is a really hard question. That's a really intense and deep question. And my response, I know it is. I know it is. And that's what this podcast is. I know that so much of what we talk about, so much of what we dive into is that's intense. That's a lot. That's overwhelming. Yeah, it's meant to be that way. We have to learn

how to navigate our discomfort. We have to learn how to move through our discomfort if we want to get to the other side. My workshops are the only way out is through. We can only get out by going through, by exploring, by witnessing, by asking the questions, by being curious.

Sage (26:04.942)
Something else that I feel like really resonated with me from the workshop is this idea that if we are afraid of our partner's bodies, it's largely because we're likely afraid of our

that when we get to a place where we're afraid to touch our partners or be intimate with our partners or to be close with our partners, that is usually a sign that there is something going on within us, that we are either afraid of our own bodies in some way or that we are navigating something that we haven't named yet or that there's something in us that is being avoided and that our partner's body is bringing up that trigger or that anticipatory

anxiety feeling for us when we engage with it. And part of how we move past that is learning our bodies, exploring our bodies, and then exploring our partners bodies. One of the things that we talked about during the workshop was how many times we learn how to operate genitals, but we really don't know how to pleasure genitals. Like there's just this focus on how do I make it work? How do I make the

do the thing that I want to do, how do I do the thing? But it's usually not what do you want? What do you like? How do you like your genitals touch? How do you like your genitals played with? What do you like in your sexual dynamics and intimacy and connection? We're not asking those questions. And so this workshop, I saw people make that fundamental shift.

of, I do need to be asking my partner more about their pleasure, more about what they like, more about what they want, more about how I can provide more pleasure for them. And that was such a beautiful experience. It was so moving to see, and just the love between people, how deeply, deeply in love people were and how much they supported each other. I think, you know, a couple of the most fascinating things were two of the couples that were there were women that brought their partners.

Sage (28:10.737)
from my New Moon circles that I do, which was really lovely. But there were actually two couples there that came from this podcast.

Sage (28:29.275)
but there were actually two couples there that came from this podcast. And two of them were men that brought their couple or their partners, the women in their couples to the workshop.

That is incredible. Incredible. That is incredible. That means that something about the workshops or at least something about what is going on in the collective energy right now is people are wanting to bring their partners along into intimate spaces and we are looking for connection and we are looking for connectivity. We are looking to be in more community. And so I'm going to just gently invite you.

If you are thinking about going into in-person workshops, if you are thinking about doing in-person work, if you are seeing something, my events, someone else's event, other intimacy coaches, guides, play coaches, whatever, if you're seeing their events, parties, whatever, and you are thinking about going, consider possibly starting to make those steps to get there. Think about what you might need in order to feel safe in a workshop.

Think about what you might need in order to feel safe going to a play party. There is a reason your body is yearning for community. There is a reason your body is yearning to do this alongside other people. There is a selfishness and an ease to healing on our own, to being in our own space, to healing in our own time and energy and away from everyone's judgment.

There is something even more deep and incredible when we heal alongside other people, when we allow people to witness us, when we allow ourselves to be in communal relationships where we're doing healing work. That is where the magic is. So I'm going to encourage you if that is something that you're seeking to consider it and to make yourself available for that, should you want to do it.

Sage (30:40.443)
Thank you so, much for being with me this afternoon on this podcast. It was so lovely to get to debrief the intimacy workshop and get to tell you all about it. If this resonated with you, I hope you will join for the next one. As always, check the website. There are all of the events and things and experiences that I host are always available on there. Make sure you also subscribe to the newsletter because you can also get more information about my experiences through my newsletter. I hope that you all have a wonderful day.

that you are finding ways to reclaim your truth and reclaim your intimacy constantly. And wherever your longing leads you, I hope you stay turned on by your truth.