Professional Cuddling, Safe Touch & Why Consent Changes Everything

What happens when touch becomes something people fear instead of something that helps them feel safe?

Professional cuddling is often misunderstood, yet it opens the door to one of the most important conversations we can have about intimacy, consent, and the human need for connection. Beneath the curiosity lies a deeper question: what happens when people become disconnected from safe, platonic touch?

This episode explores the world of professional cuddling, what actually happens during a session, and why so many people seek spaces where they can experience touch with clear boundaries, mutual consent, and no expectation beyond simply being held.

Together, we'll unpack what it means to live in a touch-starved society, how platonic touch can support nervous system regulation and healing after trauma, and why rebuilding trust in safe touch has the power to transform the way we experience intimacy, our bodies, and one another.

Whether you're discovering professional cuddling for the first time or reflecting on your own relationship with touch, this conversation offers an invitation to approach intimacy with greater curiosity, compassion, and care.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Personal Updates
02:49 Exploring Professional Cuddling
09:12 The Impact of Touch on Well-being
13:29 Addressing Societal Judgments on Cuddling
17:25 Healing Through Touch and Community
23:41 Reconnecting with Touch
27:11 Encouraging Touch in Daily Life

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desiretheforbidden | pleasure professor 🍒 sage

Website
https://www.desiretheforbidden.com/

Transcript

Sage (00:00.654)
Hello, you sweet sexy vixens and welcome back to Truth Meets Taboo. I know, I know, it's been so long since I feel like I've recorded one of these. I'm so sorry. I have been just on this like journey of self that has brought me to all sorts of places. And you know, one of those places was not to the recording studio, so I apologize because it's been a whirlwind. It's been a time, and I have not been updating you all. I have not been on here, and I'm so sorry.

Because you all have been so gracious and so wonderful about telling me all of the wonderful, beautiful ways that this podcast has helped you and how much you enjoy these episodes. So your girl is trying to lock in for you. I am trying to be here for you because I do really enjoy these conversations. And I feel like now more than ever they are needed. Our conversations around truth, around intimacy, around making sure that we're talking about the real human experience. And so

I'm really glad as always that you're here. I hope that you are doing okay. I know that you haven't been, because the astrology has been kicking. It has been doing it is thing. And I know that I've been struggling in my own ways and navigating my portals and rebirths in my own ways. And so I know that you all are also doing the same. So my heart goes out to you. I'm thinking of you all during this time, this time of death and rebirth. But we do have

Leo and Jupiter coming up, and your girl is very excited about that. there's gonna be so much goodness this summer. It really is gonna be a hot girl summer. Your girl is indeed single this summer. I know. Big news, exciting. yes, your girl is single. That is a new life update that I will probably talk about at some other point. But your girl is single, and so we are doing hot girl summer. As Meg said, wifey shit is over. We are here for hot girl summer. So I am super excited.

To take the next few months to really be in myself and really do the hot girl summer thing and be single and really figure myself out and continue this beautiful, amazing journey of self-discernment and self-authority. Quick update on the celibacy journey. We made it 90 days. I will make an episode about the celibacy journey for the 90 days. Your girl made it. It was interesting. I'd love to tell you about it.

Sage (02:49.843)
One big major thing that's been going on for me recently is that the cuddling part of my business has really been taking off. So for those of you who were not aware, I also work as a professional cuddler and provide cuddling services as part of my somatic work. And so if you are not familiar with professional cuddling, professional cuddling is where you hire a professional to come in and provide cuddling services for you. What does that actually look like?

It can look like a number of things depending on what you're working through or what you're working on or what you're really trying to get out of the session. I have a lot of clients who really just want to be held. They are missing that kind of touch and oxytocin release and that physical connection with another person. And so I usually come in and provide different forms of touch through holding and cuddling positions and things like that. I also have clients that come in and want to work on their relationship to touch.

So maybe they haven't been touched by another person in a really long time, or they have a particular type of touch that feels particularly triggering or activating for them that they want to work on. All the sessions are platonic and fully clothed. And so they are opportunities to really also work on what does it look like to invite an intimate touch into a container that is non-sexual and fully platonic and fully about keeping a safe container of non-sexuality.

Sage (04:23.253)
It is so interesting to talk about this work with literally anyone, but specifically the internet, because I literally posted a video on TikTok about my cuddle bag, which is essentially the bag that I pack when I go and guest at people's houses to cuddle. So essentially, if I have a client who is like, hey, before bed, I'd like to cuddle for a couple of hours, or maybe they have some sort of disability or something going on with them that they can't travel. And so I'll go and I will guest with them.

And basically it is just the bag that I pack when I guess to that person's house. I basically went through that bag, talked about all the little things that I packed for the visit, and posted that on TikTok and it got 4.5 million views, which feels literally insane to me. Like I am just like, this is such a wholesome, innocent little video. I literally got to my client's house, I don't know, 10 minutes before the scheduled session. And so I was like, okay, well, I just need something to do.

You know, just kill some time. And I basically was like, all right, I just popped open my phone, put the TikTok app up, recorded my like minute and a half video, went about my day, and four and a half million views later, I'm like, we wanna be talking about this. We wanna be having a conversation about this. The spectrum of the conversation is very vast, right? I'm not saying we're all on the same page about this. If anything, we're actually very much all on a lot of varying different pages.

Which again I think speaks to the truth of projection, right? Which is how we feel about cuddling and how we feel about being touched and how we feel about platonic touch and all of that is infused into how we orient around the idea of professional cuddling, right? Because here's the thing. The most interesting thing about that video is not me. The most interesting thing about that video is literally the comments.

The comments on that video are such a wide range of spectrum of human experience with touch that I'm just like, you all are making my case for me. You all are making the point for me about what I've been saying about the lack of touch and the importance of talking about the lack of touch or our relationship with touch because we all have varying degrees of ideas and values and relationships around the idea of touch and what it means.

Sage (06:38.027)
And that inherently shows up in what we think people deserve, what we think we should pay for, what we think people should have to pay for, how we feel about people who pay for these kinds of services, how you all feel about me as a person who provides these services. Because let me just tell you the amount of people that are like, you're doing sex work. Like, why don't you just say that you're selling the cat? And I'm like, babe, if I was selling the cat, I'd just say that.

I'm like, I have a whole platform built around intimacy and sexuality and all of these things. Like, babe, if I was doing that, I'd just talk about it. Because I'm not ashamed. I'm not afraid. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm talking about cuddling, platonic cuddling, and I'm talking about it loudly and verbosely on the internet because y'all believe that that shit ain't real. Like, y'all really think that shit's not real. Like y'all really in your minds are like, No, that can't be real. The idea that somebody could provide a three hour cuddle session, because that was the other thing, is like

This session was for three hours, and people were like, What? What do you mean that you are cuddling for three hours? Like, I could never, like, and that's not turning into anything else. And so, again, the comments section is literally just a projection of how people have internalized their relationship to touch. And obviously, as a sexologist and as a research nerd, I'm like, this is the juiciest part of this entire situation, of this entire conversation. Because what do you mean?

The other interesting comments I was getting was the hyper focus on my safety. The hyper focus on like, how is this safe? Are you safe? Girl, are you okay? Girl, are you okay? And it's like, ooh, that is also an interesting projection of what we all think it means to be a woman, what we all think it means to be outside right now and interacting with people, how safe or not safe we all feel, how people are feeling about men right now.

Like there's just all of this projection inside this one video wrapped around this entire concept of touch and cuddle. And I think that's insanely fascinating. Because what do you mean we're all that obsessed with it? Of course we are, because we're all touch-starved. Mind you, remember, I made that episode last year about being touch-starved as a society. And here we are, full circle in that conversation.

Sage (09:08.087)
So let's just get some general of the question.

So let's just get some of your general FAQs out of the way because I know you all are chomping at the bit to ask me these questions because they were littered all over the comments section.

Sage (09:26.817)
The how do you cuddle for three hours question? First and foremost, you have to remember that for me, touch is a very healing and rejuvenating and regenerative activity. That is my orientation and my relationship to touch. So when I'm in a three hour session with someone, especially a client who is wanting to work on something, who is really present to the cuddling experience, who's really not trying to cause a problem or anything.

That experience is so deeply healing for me as well, and also so activating for me as a service provider, right? Like I get to basically provide my magic and the thing that I know provides healing and care and nurturing for this person at a very high level for a period of time. And I feel very excited by that. And so I curate the session, the three-hour experience.

around that knowing and around that intentionality. And so, you know, I create opportunities for us to talk. I create opportunities for us to try different cuddling positions. I create opportunities for us to di try different touch I give us opportunities to try different touch activities in a three hour session to really make sure that the session is robust and provides a level of healing and a space for exploration.

And a space for growth as well.

Sage (11:00.565)
And especially for s my and especially for my clients who are really just looking to be held, three hours of being the center of someone's attention and being held for that long is so deeply satisfying and comforting.

Sage (11:23.627)
One of the funniest questions that I get is how do you not fall asleep? And let me just say this is actually probably one of the hardest things about professional cuddling. It is honestly so soothing for me that yeah, I do have to make sure I'm in like a meditative state, not like a sleeping state, because it's not a nap appointment. It is a cuddling appointment. So I try really hard to kind of stay in this state of meditation and in this state of I am a service provider and I am providing a service. And so I need to make sure.

that the flow of the session is moving and evolving and takes ebbs and flows as we go and isn't one static or monotoned way of being.

Sage (12:16.897)
I've also been getting a lot of questions about how to get into this work or how to do this work. And I'm honestly having a little bit of an ethical and moral dilemma about how I'm gonna answer that because the reality is this was something that I added on as part of my somatic work practice that I learned through other avenues of certification and body work and things like that. And so I have a very particular route that I took, and I am not qualified, in my opinion, to teach someone how to do that, right? I took my own route.

I followed my own process and yes, I can speak about that, but I'm really trying to understand how to best share about it without like teaching about it. And I'm a teacher at heart, so I really struggle with this, but I'm trying to express it in a way that feels like it has some integrity to it and is ethical. And so I haven't really figured that out yet. But essentially I got it as an additional certification to somatic practitioner work.

and got that through a specific company and I just need to decide if I wanna share about that or not.

Sage (13:29.997)
So let's talk a little bit a let's talk a little bit about why somebody would come in for a session because I think something that really came up in the comments on the video were people judging and kind of almost bashing, in my opinion, people who would hire a professional cuddler. And I think that type of societal narrative and that societal judgment and shame actually keeps more people from

leaning in and hiring a professional cuddler or reaching out for this type of service if they really need it. And let me just genuinely say I feel like services like this could literally save the world. I think that when we are held, when we are touched, when we are able to find intimate touch in a safe container, we are better off as people. We are more embodied, we are more grounded, we're happier

we're more able to deal with life's difficulties and discomforts. And I think that that there could be a lot there to

And I honestly think that that could reduce a lot of the rates of violence that we see, maybe even suicide. I'm not saying for sure, but I'm just saying that there is definitely some ability for platonic, intimate, safe touch to really heal the world.

Sage (14:59.563)
When I think about my clients, I think about people who are genuinely just trying to connect. People who are trying to live inside of a human body and understand that there is an innate need in that body to have touch with other human beings. We cannot fight that. There is an innate need in all of us to be touched, to be held.

to feel close, to feel part of a tribe, to feel part of the group. And that extends into if we are being touched regularly or not.

Sage (15:40.566)
I've had many clients that I've worked with before who have come to me for sessions because they come from a very touch-heavy family or community or culture. And then they come into this new culture that they're a part of or their work environment that's really strenuous, or like something that causes them to not have the level of touch or connection or intimacy that they are used to, and they are suffering without that.

It is almost debilitating because especially once you've had it, it can feel so debilitating to then be without it.

So professional cuddling provides an avenue for people who really, really enjoy touch, who really value touch, who have maybe had lots of touch before, be able to continue to have that in their lives as a way to help regulate them, as a way to help stabilize their nervous regulation.

Sage (16:41.077)
as a way to help stable as a way to help stabilize their nervous system.

Sage (17:00.149)
Most of my clients are coming from a place of understanding. Most of my clients are coming from a place

Sage (17:25.919)
Another subset of my clients are clients that are usually trying to work. Another subset of my clients are usually clients who are trying to work on their relationship to touch. Maybe they had a harmful experience related to touch or something happened to them that was particularly harmful related to touch. And there is something really powerful about reclaiming your relationship with touch after it's been used to harm you. Because here's the thing touch is so

deeply healing and we are all innately aware of how healing it can be, how comforting it can be, how much it can make you feel safe. And so when touch is used in a harmful way or used in a way that is

Sage (18:14.879)
Or when touch creates harm, our body starts to have a disassociation.

Our body begins to feel a bit of dissonance around the idea of being touched because sometimes it feels really loving and good and healing and sometimes it feels really harmful and scary and painful.

And when we have that relationship to touch, as with many things, we're more likely to be fearful of it or avoid it if it's been painful or harmful. Because something in our neuropathways has told us touch equals pain, touch equals harm, touch equals hurt. And the only way that we can really reunite our body with touch in a pleasurable and safe way is by giving our body opportunities to experience it that way.

So hiring a professional cuddler gives you the container to create a safe touch environment where someone can explore being touched again or touching someone again without the stress and the fear of having their consent violated or something arising and an issue h or some sort of issue happening.

Sage (19:39.006)
Every time I work with my clients, I honestly remember just how sacred touch is. Not just for our own bodies, but our own understanding of self, right? When we know how we want to be touched and how we can touch other people and that we can inherently

Sage (20:08.801)
My client work is so important to me because it constantly reminds me how important it

Sage (20:17.301)
My client work call my god.

Sage (20:23.819)
My client work constantly reminds me how important touch is and how important reunifying your relationship to touch is. Because here's the thing many of us don't know how we want to be touched. We don't know what kind of touch feels good for us, we don't know what kind of touch feels bad, and we don't even want to explore the type of touch that might even make us uncomfortable. I hosted a cuddle party this past weekend, and one of the things that came up in one of the exercises is how much

someone didn't like their belly touched, how much they're not used to having their belly touched, and how much shame they hold around their belly and it being touched. And through the exercises and activities we did at the party, they were able to have their belly touch and explored in a way that brought up so much release and healing for them. They were able to think about past stories, past narratives, past experiences that they had related to their belly, see the stories that they were holding on to.

Release those and shed those so that they could have a new relationship with their belly, and specifically a new relationship to their belly being touched.

Sage (21:35.692)
And this kind of transformation is so deeply healing and so deeply beautiful because you are basically reuniting yourself with parts of your body. We don't realize how much of our bodies we've disassociated from by not allowing people to touch them. When we don't allow people to place their hands on certain parts of our bodies, we are actually saying that part of me isn't here. That's not real. It doesn't exist. Nobody gets to be a part of that with me.

That part of my body is mine and mine only. And while that is good and great for self-autonomy and discernment and agency and all of those things, what we can then do is then hide behind that as well and say nobody is allowed to touch me and go into this state of avoiding touch entirely because we don't trust ourselves to navigate safe touch.

Sage (22:37.645)
And that's why things like professional cuddling are so profound and so deeply healing because it gives you a space and environment to actually explore these things, not just in your mind, not just conceptually, not just in the quiet of your own room, but with another person, actually having conversation, actually engaging around touch and working through the things that are coming up in your body and being able to move through those things and heal those things so that you can have a better relationship with your body and with.

Touch.

Sage (23:41.366)
And even if you're not feeling ready to do like a one-on-one session or hiring a professional cuddler, there is an explosion of cuddle parties happening again right now. I feel like cuddle parties were really big prior to 2020 and then COVID happened and then obviously that kind of stopped. But I think cuddle parties are back on the resurgence, back on the rise. And I love this so much. As always, if you're near or close to Austin, please check my website because I always post my cuddle parties on there and I would love to have you at one.

Cuddle parties are so amazing because they are a group experience and we all know I love a group healing experience. I love any type of experience where we get to all be together and get to shed layers together and be vulnerable and intimate together as it should be. We are meant to be together. We are meant to be intimate. We are meant to be in groups healing, doing our thang.

Sage (24:44.301)
Cuddle parties are essentially an opportunity to do everything I just talked about in the one-on-one sessions with a group of people. Obviously, when you're in the space, when you're at a party, you get to decide who you interact with. So you only cuddle with and engage with touch with people that you're comfortable with at the party. Consent is super important. But let me just tell you how healing it can be because there was a woman that came to my last party who had not shared space with men in an intimate way for over 30 years. That means she had not had

Men in her bed, men in her private spaces or intimate spaces, men were not hugging her and touching her. That was not happening because she had a harmful experience related to a man 30 years ago.

She found her courage and bravery and came to this party and had a transformational experience. She literally linked up with a man almost immediately.

Sage (25:43.902)
She was literally sobbing at the end at Closing Circle, just talking about how incredibly transformative it was for her and how the ability to be with men and be in a shared space with men where she felt safe and where she felt like she could explore touch was so deeply healing for her. And that that is the power of healing in community and healing through a place of touch.

Sage (26:08.949)
Like the closing circle of that particular party was unlike anything I have ever been a part of. There was so much vulnerability across everyone in the group, and people were just being very vulnerable about their past experiences and their current fears and how they feel like they can or cannot show up in spaces. And the way that people were just holding space for each other and reverence for each other of like their experience.

and what's been coming up for them and not taking that personally and not making about fighting each other or judging each other, but really just being with each other and seeing each other and being in that place together. It was some of the most it it it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

Sage (26:54.219)
And I think that that is why I'm so deeply committed to this work and why I believe cuddling could literally change the world.

Sage (27:11.543)
So if you're someone who is really struggling with touch or feeling touch-starved or really looking for some type of way to reunite your relationship with touch, I really want to recommend cuddling. And if you can't find a professional or a cuddle party in your area, consider reaching out to a friend. Considering reaching out to someone in your current community and network that you trust and be like, hey, can we try some platonic cuddling? Can we try some platonic touch where we just

I don't know, watch a movie and just lay each other's heads on our shoulders or hold hands or like, can I lay my head in your lap? Or something where you invite in the opportunity to just have more touch. We all really need to be able to have a better relationship with touch. And the way that we have a better relationship with touch is by doing it more. I know that everybody's natural inclination is to move away from touch because we don't want to heart anybody.

or harm anybody or cause any problems or violate consent. But I think that's actually creating more disconnect and dissonance for us. What I think we need to be doing is leaning more into touch, consensually asking, of course, always, but asking, making the ask. I feel like we don't even ask anymore because we're just so afraid. And the rejection sensitivity and the worry that people are going to be upset and all of that. And I think at this point I'm just like, no, let's just make the ask. Let's just extend the offer of touch.

Would you like a hug? Would you like to put your head in my lap? Would you like my arm around you? Like opportunities to just invite in more touch so people can continue to feel safe in their bodies, safe around touch, and that our nervous system collectively can start to learn that touch is safe again. Right? Like we have learned collectively that touch is not.

Sage (29:01.879)
Sage (29:09.953)
We have been collectively navigating this idea that touch is not safe for a number of different reasons. And I think we need to reestablish our relationship with trust that it can be safe and that it is safe. You just have to work.

Sage (29:26.091)
And I think that this is one of the ways that we can start doing that.

Sage (29:33.207)
my goodness, my loves. I hope that you enjoyed this episode. I love you all so, so, so much. I know I've been terrible about being on here. And I promise, I promise, I promise, I will be so much better. I really want to share more with you and I really want to chat with you more. I think I get in my head about a lot of stuff, and I really gotta I'm gonna I'm really getting over that with this hot girl summer, Leo summer. So prepare to see me more. I love you. I hope that you have a wonderful rest of your day.

Sage (30:04.437)
And please please please please please go get a little bit more tou and please please please please please go get your touch on. Go get a hug. Go get a cuddle. Go get something. Go off go offer a cuddle. Go offer a hug. Go offer some touch because we all need to be touched more.

And as always, wherever your longing l and as always wherever your longing leads you, I hope you stay turned on by your truth.