Reverse Bucket List

We are getting down to the last couple of months in 2022.  This is an outstanding time to evaluate the year and start working on plans for 2023. I don't like waking up in January jumping in to something new. I want to work on it, plan it, and get it set up now... so the New Year starts with excitement and structure. 

A fun way to get into this way of thinking is The Bucket List. So let's spend some time on that. But there is a really cool, perhaps even better, list to examine: the reverse bucket list. What if we look backwards to assess where our attention should go in the future? 

- Are you ready to do some work now to make 2023 the best year of your life?

- What is a Bucket List and why are they so fun to make?

- But what are some drawbacks of putting our joy and hope in a list like that?

- What is a Reverse Bucket List and how does it give us deeper perspective?

- How can you plan 2023 with reachable goals that deepen things you know you love?

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Excel Still More Podcast. I am your host, Chris Emerson. I'm here to encourage you in your walk with God. Thank you for joining in. Today's podcast is sponsored by Cunningham Financial Group. John Cunningham is a friend of mine and a brother in Christ, and he can help you with financial decisions and future planning. He's been a big help to me and my family, and I commend him to you. You can reach him at 205-913-1720. I am so thankful you're here, so let's get started. I mean, don't quote me on that. I've probably said that about every other part of the year. But let's just say this is a very special time for me and my family, and maybe yours as well. The obvious reasons relate to the holiday season, but for us it represents a slowdown. I travel a lot less, there are fewer sports events, games, and practices, the days are shorter and they can be wet and cold. But for us, that just means a lot less busyness and a lot more time together at home. Whatever your personal situation, I want you to look at these last two months as a great time for planning. Hopefully, you have a little less going on and you can evaluate this past year. What are some things you involved yourself in? What are some goals that you pursued? What are some good accomplishments that you're proud of? What are some things that you fell short on? And go ahead and start planning 2023 now. You don't want to just get up on January 1st and say, okay, what do I need to start doing out of the blue right now to make this the best year ever? Instead, take the time at home or the time with family throughout the rest of November and December and assess what you want next year to look like. What are some big goals that are now in reach for you? And maybe you go ahead and start pursuing them in some ways right now. But better yet, make sure that you've gotten very clear on what you want to do and start in January with a plan already in place, maybe a couple of trial and error projects already out of the way, and you have a real clear picture and optimistic picture of the new year. I'll give you an example of this. Maybe you're a young person thinking about going back to school. And so you wake up on January 1st and you say, I'm going back to school this year. I'm going to finish my degree. And while it's true that classes start in the second week of January, all of them are already full. You don't have the opportunity to sign up for them. But what if you use the month of November to assess if that was right for you? And you started pursuing your options, and you went ahead and got booked for classes early, and you found some financial aid avenues. You're still going to wake up in the new year going, this is going to be the year that I finish my education. But the way you chose to use the end of the previous year took that from just something you hoped to do to something that you're already well on your way to accomplishing. So that's not exactly what we're going to diagram today, but I do want you to start thinking in those ways, and probably several episodes throughout the rest of this year will be about conditioning your mind to prepare your pathway so that you can begin the new year with a whole bunch of reasons to believe that it will in fact be the best year of your life. Okay, so to begin bringing this back towards our title today, one of the ways you can assess what you want next year to look like is about taking a peek at what we call your bucket list. I'm sure you know what that is, so I will very briefly describe it. It is a list of things, most of which you have not yet done or accomplished or experienced, but you have a genuine desire to do so and you hope that those things are a part of your life before you, you know, kick the bucket. Now I am ultimately going to ask you to go in a very different direction by reversing that list, but I don't want to act like it's a bad idea to make it. In fact, if you're just spending some extra time with family coming through the rest of this year, sit down and make a list together. What are some things that are very important to us that we have not yet experienced? I did a little Googling on what are on most people's bucket list, and it was about like I expected, destinations that you would like to visit, skills that you would like to develop, or maybe something kind of crazy and wild and dangerous that you want to do. This included things like seeing the northern lights, going skydiving or getting a tattoo, going on a cruise, swimming with dolphins, getting married, buying a house, running a marathon, or writing a book. And look, I don't want to dismiss any of that too early. If you can make a list like that and you say to yourself, this is important to me. I've never done it and I want to do it, and it is possible in 2023, then start working on that right now. I don't give a whole lot of attention to bucket list items that are nowhere near reachable in the next two to five years. But if it's something that you can get to with a little bit of planning and preparation, and it will require that planning and preparation to make it happen, then let's get with it. That makes me think of Disney World for our family. We had on our list to take the kids to Disney, and then we decided we wanted to try to do it every few years. So we began saving the same amount of money every single month for like 10 years. And every third year we'd have enough and we would go. The first time was amazing, we really enjoyed it, and we did that several times. It was a really cool thing that we always wanted to do, but it wasn't just going to happen because we wanted to do it. So maybe think about picking a couple of things and starting to put the pieces in place. But I need to warn you a little bit about bucket list items, things that you are yearning for, thinking about, watching YouTube videos on, reading articles, and really deciding that that thing could define your life. Don't get upset with me here, but let me be very honest with you. You may never get to do some of those things. There are places you may never get to go, skills you may never be able to develop, and wild and exhilarating decisions that will never happen for you. There is a wide list of reasons why it may not happen. I won't make it here. You probably could make that list for yourself. But therein lies one of the problems of goal setting. When you put out in your future some major experience that you want to have, it's something big, something you might say is life defining, something that will require at least 50 pictures on Facebook. But there is such a thing as a little bit too big and too far, and life happens. And most people's lives end with things still on the bucket list that didn't get done. And while I'm depressing you thoroughly, I would tell you that some of those things you will do and it won't be near as good as you thought. You invest two years of work and life and money and conversation into achieving this great trip, only to get there and realize that the place is not as beautiful as you thought, the lines are ten times longer than you ever imagined, or it's too hot or it's too cold. Or maybe worse yet, you go and it's fine, or you learn some new skill and you actually can play the guitar now. You always thought that this would make you happier, add extra fulfillment to your life, and you've seen it, you've done it, you've tried it, and it really isn't that big a deal. So again, I'm all for bucket lists, plans, new adventures, broadening your horizons. Just remember that the grass always looks greener over there, but it may not be, or you may just not ever get there. Is there any way I can turn this episode into a positive direction? I think so. But in order to do that, we need to not look forward, but turn around and look back. I was watching an interview with Simon Sinek. I've mentioned him a handful of times, we've done several episodes on his speeches and books. But he was discussing the greater value of what he calls the reverse bucket list. It is still a collection of really cool things, places that you visit, things that you learn and do, and relationships you enjoy. Except it's not in some future that hasn't happened yet. It's in the life you've already lived. It is this tremendous and uplifting exercise of looking back over this last year, this last decade, maybe your whole life in writing down what are the truly great, amazing accomplishments of my life that I have already done. The reverse bucket list is basically a gratitude list. You write down things you've already accomplished, things that make you feel proud, things that you don't hope that you're going to get to do. You did them. Things that you're not just expecting to be awesome, they were awesome. You're sure of it, and some of them still are. You may go out and accomplish new and interesting things, and when you do, you put them in your reverse bucket list and you hold on to them. They're yours now. They're not theoretical or possible, they're actual. Unlike future bucket list items that you have to look up pictures of online because you've never been there, you have pictures with you in them. You get to treasure the memories, and maybe you choose to go again next year, not with some anticipation of perhaps it being great, but because you've already proven that it's great and you just want to go explore that in more depth. I really wish more people would do this for several reasons, and we'll walk through it in the back half of this episode. First of all, and most simply, it makes you happy with the life that you've lived. It asks you to look around you present and past and to count your many blessings, to capture those great moments, to be proud of them or thankful for them. And whenever you leave this life, be it today or ten years from now, no one can take away from you who you have become, what you have learned, the relationships you have built, or even the places that you've gone. Everything on that list is checked. Everything on the traditional bucket list is not. This can begin to help with future planning, which is ultimately what I'm trying to encourage you to do. If you were looking at two lists in front of you, top five things that you've never done that you hope to do before you die, and top five things that you have experienced that really defined your life. And I said to you, you can pick just one, and I guarantee you will experience it next year. Which would you choose? I have to tell you, I'm not taking my chances on what a bunch of photographs and other people told me was super awesome. I'm going to go with the thing that I already know means a ton to me that brought tremendous fulfillment to my life. So let's look back and treasure those things. And you might find yourself planning a repeat of something that is incredible to you instead of a flyer on something that someone else said is great. Okay, let me push this to another level that has had real significance for summer and me and the life we're living and what we hope to do. Typically, if you were asked to make a future bucket list, you would probably include places you'd like to visit, experiences you'd like to have, and maybe talents you would like to develop. But if I asked you to make a list of the same length and we're calling it a reverse bucket list, and I ask you to look back over just the past few years and write down those major, amazing things, what would be on that list? Honestly, I hope you give this a try and I would love to hear your feedback. Because I'm going to tell you, my reverse bucket list is not talents I have developed. It's very little about locations that I have visited. Almost all of it is about time invested in wonderful relationships. Personally, I was trying to make just a reverse list for 2022, and everything on it had to do with family and loved ones. Two times my wife and I got on an airplane to go spend a couple of days out of state. The places we visited were cool. We climbed a couple of mountains and we walked a couple of beaches, and we had been to both of those places before. But the greatest thing that happened to me this year is just getting to do it again with her, getting to connect to her even more and deepen our relationship. Another thing on the list is a book that I read, Pat Gesslinger's The Juggling Act, but it's not the book that goes on the list, it's the breakfasts. He said that he took his kids out one at a time, once a month to breakfast. And I did that with my kids for about three months. We would go out just the two of us, I would have them pick someone else in the restaurant they wanted to buy breakfast for, and we just kind of shared that. And I think we're actually still reaping benefits for that. But to give the punchline away, I'm already laying out really cool plans for 2023. And there aren't any exotic locations on it. Maybe I go to those places, maybe I don't. But I'm planning for a lot more breakfasts with each of my children. And I'm actually planning to take summer for the fourth straight year to the same place in January. A place that we know that we love and cherish, but mainly we just love and cherish the time with one another. And look, there's nothing wrong with heading somewhere new and we may do that instead. But the bucket list item, both forward and reverse, isn't the location. It's being with the person. I predict that if you look back over the last year or two and you write down the most cherished and fulfilling memories, the most wonderful experiences, it won't look anything like the Reddit's top ten bucket list items. It may not be all about the northern lights or getting a tattoo or writing a book. It may be a conversation that you had, a relationship that you mended, time spent singing songs with a church family, or even weekly or daily time you set aside to build your connection to Christ. Are you starting to get the picture? Most people's bucket list items are built on images that you can find on Google. Most people's reverse bucket list treasured accomplishments are far more personal, private, relational, and deep. And by the way, deep is an important word. I did an episode a year or two ago called Deeper or Wider, where I talked about kind of a midlife crisis I had a handful of years ago, where I realized that I hadn't yet become a computer programmer and I hadn't learned to play the guitar and I hadn't traveled to certain countries that I wanted to visit. And I made this dumb mistake of telling my wife how relatively unfulfilling my life is because of all of these items that weren't done. And she looked at me, and I will never forget her looking at me, and her eyes said, Chris, look around. The most treasured and amazing things I've ever wanted are right here in front of me. Why aren't they enough for you? I was crushed, she was crushed, but it led to a reevaluation that the most rewarding things in life are about taking what you know is rewarding and deepening it. Repeating it, getting it so etched in your memory because of how often that you've done it, that it never gets forgotten by you nor by the people that you love. And then go out and plan things this coming year that repeat and deepen and truly crystallize those concepts. Here's an interesting comparison in my life. When the year started, if you would have said, Chris, anything on your bucket list you're going to do this year, I would say, Yeah. Lord willing, I'm headed to Wrigley Field in October. Always wanted to go there. And you know what? I did. And I had a hot dog and it was awesome. But when I look back and I rate my day at Wrigley Field up against three breakfasts with Ella, time with my spouse, some wonderful souls we saw converted to Christ, Chicago, which was likely number one on my list going into the year, probably doesn't even crack the top ten looking back at it. Now, of course, we can't just live in the past, although I think it's wonderful to look back and see what you truly treasure. Your experiences reveal that. But the question is, can we learn from it in planning our future? Chances are you're going to be around the most beloved and wonderful people in your entire life throughout the rest of this year. And whether it be family or friends or brothers and sisters in Christ, or your relationship with God, or helping other people build their relationship with God. Looking back, those things are greater than any experience or location. So let's live like that. Let's plan for it. Fill 2023 with more depth in areas where you already know the ground is fertile. Don't neglect new experiences. Jump out of an airplane if you want to. Go and visit Europe. I think a lot of people smoke over there, but otherwise it'll probably be great. But be careful sacrificing things that you've already proven are true riches for things that might not happen, may not be fulfilling if they do, and could very well take away from things, more specifically, people and relationships and love that you would gladly write down and treasure on your reverse bucket list.com. This wonderful company, run by Christians, provides beautiful illustrations of scripture from beginning to end, putting the spotlight on Jesus. And remember this whatever you choose to do today in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, excel still more.