Ep. 50 - Casting A Shadow

I sometimes get annoyed at things other people do... even though I do them myself.  This is part of life.  The real revelation is when I discover that it was my influence that led to their behavior!  Yes, we all cast a shadow.  It is inevitable and powerful.  You have an impact, an influence, on every person you are around.  Taking ownership of that importance is crucial. But it can be overwhelming to be responsible for how others behave.  Fortunately, there is a secret to that: the Light.  Shadows are what happens when a focused beam of light shines upon a person.  Let's talk about that!  

- How to accept that other's conduct might be the result of your own.

- How to take ownership for influence on other people.

- Why we must mind our shadow and how inevitable our influence is.

- How to cast a more well defined and helpful shadow upon others.

- Why our alignment with the Light of Christ will make all the difference.

Transcript

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Hello, welcome to the Excel Still More podcast. I am your host, Chris Emerson, and we are here to talk about tips and strategies that you can employ to deepen your faith, improve your relationships, and just get the most out of your life. Thank you for joining. Let's get started. Okay, so check it out. People tell me that confession is good for the soul. So I'm going to open this episode with some personal confession of guilt. I am one of those people who gets greatly annoyed at what other people do sometimes, and yet when I do the exact same thing, it's no big deal. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? I'm trying to get better at this. It's part of my Excel still more journey, is some self-awareness and the inequity of how that can get. Where when I do it, no big deal. Everybody should just accept that. But when someone else does the exact same thing, it's completely uncalled for. Let me give you a few examples, though I probably could give you like fifty. When I'm driving, there are certain things that I'm allowed to do, and everybody's just supposed to be totally cool with that, and yet nobody else is allowed to do it. Like passing on the right. Passing on the right, anybody who does that needs to go straight back to driving school. There should be special policemen on staff just to stop that from happening. Unless, of course, I'm doing it. In which case, there's a really good reason. The same is true with, I don't know, somebody riding up on my tailgate. There is no reason on earth ever that you should be up on my tailgate, no matter what. Now, I ride other people's bumpers sometimes, but you'd have to understand they totally deserve that. They've been driving slowly for four miles. You see how that works? If I do it, it's understandable. If others do it, it's uncalled for. If I'm out playing golf with the kids and I hit a really bad shot, top it in the lake, and I slam my club on the ground. There was a good reason for that. That was my favorite golf ball, or I had a really good score going. But I better not see either one of my kids slam their club on the ground. I bought that club. They have no right to do that. Here's another one that applies to both the driving illustration and the children illustration. Cell phone usage. If it's some stranger in the car next to me and they're looking at their cell phone while they're driving, they should have their license instantly revoked. Of course, sometimes I do that, but that's different. If it's after dinner and the kids are sitting on the couch staring at their cell phones, and Summer asks them to do something and they don't hear her or they ignore her, that's totally uncalled for. Cell phone needs to be taken away for the rest of the night. Of course, if it's me on the other couch, it's no big deal. I fear that for a large portion of my life, I was not self-aware enough to understand what I mentioned earlier to be an inequity, unfair rules being applied to others over myself. And there's a lot we could say today about how to pop that bubble and see things differently, but I actually want to move a little further down the line with this. Most of the time that I notice this, it's my children or my friends or people in my circle. But do you know what is an extremely sobering moment? A moment that no one enjoys and yet everyone needs to experience. That moment when you determine that the annoying thing that the other person is doing that's not okay when they do it, but it is okay when you do it, when you realize that they learned that conduct from you, it kind of changes everything. When my kids slam their clubs on the ground, why did they do that? They did it because they saw me doing it. Why are they sitting on the couch after dinner with their cell phone? Because dad gave them the green light by doing it himself. It's like that old drug commercial from the 1980s where the dad walks in the room and busts his son with drugs and he lectures him severely. He says something like, Where did you learn to do all of this? He said, You dad, I learned it from watching you. You guys remember that? Now listen, that point of realization, when it hits you that your conduct, even if you think it's okay, that's not great, is shaping the way other people behave, the way your children grow up and behave, the kind of jokes that your friends tell and the places that they go, and really just the demeanor of all the people around you, when it even hits you that the stranger who's passing someone on the right saw you do it 30 seconds earlier, it's actually a very valuable thing to understand in two ways. First of all, it's helped me curb bad behavior. If it's not okay for someone else to do it, it's not okay for me to do it. And a part of my journey is understanding that whatever I choose to do will directly affect what these other people do. So if I want them to stop doing it, I need to stop doing it. But there's also a really positive flip side to that, isn't there? When you start to realize that the things that you do are right, contribute to the people around you doing things that are right. Your children don't learn to stare at the cell phone, they learn to do their Bible studies. People you know in your life who are rough around the edges somehow begin to smooth those surfaces because they've been spending time around you. In other words, you and I, as we go along this Excel Stillmore journey, have to not only recognize, but embrace the fact that we are casting a shadow. We are having an effect on other people. We can make a difference in the way other people behave, and in fact, you do make a difference, even if you don't realize it right away. Influence, here are a few things to know about influence, casting a shadow. Influence is mostly unconscious. You're not even thinking about it. When I'm slamming that club or praying at dinner, minuses or pluses, I'm not sitting there thinking, okay, I'm casting a shadow here. My kids, my neighbors, they're going to learn from me and be like me. You don't think about that, but it's still what's happening. Influence and casting a shadow is mostly unconscious. And while it may be unconscious, it is always impactful. It is an inevitability of life. We become like the people that we spend the most time with. So the people who spend the most time with you, whether you like this or not, are going to incorporate who you are as a part of who they are. So instead of ignoring my shadow and its influence and just being displeased when they pick up bad habits that just so happen to be similar to mine, I think I'll take a little bit more responsibility for my effect on them. Because influence is not only mostly unconscious and incredibly powerful, but influence is almost immortal. Think about in Hebrews chapter eleven, where it talked about how the dead still speak. They lived a long time ago, the people in Hebrews 11. But the things that they did cast such a long shadow that the conduct of Noah and Abraham and Rahab and others is still influencing you today. We have to own up, this is part of maturity in Christ, to the fact that we cast shadows like that. And in that regard, these same shadows not only might they be immortal and that they go on long after you're gone, the legacy and the influence, but this influence is often permanent. It leaves an impression upon someone that will affect who they are for the rest of their lives. This is true oftentimes of our kids, but more than that, if you're a Christian, it's true of the other families and friends that you know at church. They put their trust in you, they look up to you, and so you want to cast some form of a shadow. And you may sit there and say, I don't want to cast a shadow. But of course, we don't get that choice, do we? So long as there is light in the room and it is hitting you from some angle, it will project itself out upon your environment. So this is where it really hits me. This year, this Excel Still More Journey, all of the different 50 episodes now we've talked about, whether it's better habits in Bible study or Be Wise Small or Eating the Frog or whatever it might be. We have so many different things we've talked about. It's not just about me, is it? Or if it's okay if I turn it around, it's it's not just about you. It is about you and God and your relationship and how you grow. But whether you grow or don't grow, you're still going to cast a shadow. As the light of God hits you, it will outline you in some way and lay itself across others. Now, in the last bit of this episode, I want to turn things into optimism and excitement for the future. So far, we've done two things. Firstly, we've determined it's unfair to do something and think it's okay and be annoyed when the people around you do it. That's just not really fair. Secondly, there may be a great awakening in learning that I am the one who is causing the behavior that's happening around me. It's a really important moment. And we talked about how you've got to be careful because bad habits get shared whether you want them to or not. Now I want to turn it around to something optimistic. This gives us a great opportunity to be an impactful Christian in helping people grow. We can help change lives. It may not even be happening consciously on your part as the influencer or the person who happens to be affected by your shadow, and yet it can be impactful, immortal, and permanent. I'm thinking about a really amazing Bible story in Acts chapter 5. The power of God was upon Peter, and Peter's walking down the street and the sun is shining across his face, casting a shadow off to his side. And as Peter walked by, anyone who was touched by his shadow, Acts chapter 5, verses 12 through 16, anyone even touched by the shadow was healed. What an incredible story. Changed their lives forever. Now here's what we know about that. It wasn't about Peter. He was just the outline from which the shadow was projecting. It was the light. The light in this case, the miraculous, incredible light of God upon him, so strong and powerful, outlining his body in such a way that any who came in contact with that shadow were healed. Let me tell you why that's really important for me. It would be agonizing to sit here and mull over all of the things I need to do, the changes I need to make, determine how I need to be, because everything I do, people are watching and being affected by that. Man, I barely know the right thing to do all on my own from one moment to the other. I do feel like I'm getting better, forgetting what lies behind and pressing on, but it's a day in, day out, daytight increment kind of thing. How am I going to get all this right? I've got shadows casted in every direction, affecting people that I don't even know are watching me. Sounds like the kind of thing that could really stress you out. But let me just tell you, if you have a better understanding of the way shadows work, you'll have a lot of comfort in your journey. Shadows are a result of standing in the light. If you have a bunch of different lights shining on you from very distances, you'll cast all sorts of shadows in every direction, some long, some short, some dark, some light, and you'll have no predictability over that. But if you want your shadow to be unified, if you want your shadow to be well defined, it doesn't really lie in you. It is connected with the intensity of the light as it is focused on you. If you find the most radiant light and turn out all the others, and you align with the beam of it, as it strikes you head on, it will cast the most defined shadow possible. Here's what I'm saying. I have to own the power of my influence, but I do not have to determine or perfect in and of myself what that influence is. Instead, all I need to do is align myself with Jesus, put myself directly in front of his radiant light and let it hit me full on, and it will produce a well-defined and perfectly placed shadow. He is the light of the world. Who we are, you and me, and how we affect the world, our shadow, is just an extension of the warmth of Jesus upon our faces. In much the same way that Peter changed lives because of the power of God upon him and the definition that came out of that, so it is with you and me. So you can think of it less as you casting a shadow, and think of it more as Jesus the light, the sun, casting the shadow, using you as the object. So for instance, I'm driving down the road. I am drawn close to Jesus. Jesus loved his neighbor, Jesus was selfless, he didn't have to know anything about you to be kind to you, to follow the laws of the land, to be respectful of his environment. So how am I going to drive? Well, I ought to drive in a way that shows the light of Jesus upon me in a way that the world can see. My driving is the shadow that Jesus cast using me, and hopefully that affects others. And then if they behave poorly, yeah, I can gripe about that. But at least I won't be the cause, and I won't have to take responsibility for that. The same is true with my kids. I'm not going to slam any more golf clubs on the ground. Jesus came to do the work of the Father. He kept himself under incredible control, under the greatest of scrutiny and persecution, only really getting angry in defense of his father's honor. Otherwise, he would not lose his cool over things that don't matter. What I need to do is draw myself into closer alignment with him and his purpose. Now I can show my children a better way. I can say, man, I can't believe I just hit that in the water, but you know what? It's golf, it really doesn't matter. And I can cast a shadow. Whether I intend to or not, handling it that way will affect them. I've been working on that intermittent e-fasting that we talked about in Monday's episode, episode 49. And that means a lot more time at home with the cell phone in my bag or maybe in a drawer. It was a very easy what would Jesus do type transformation. I know that if Jesus was in my home, he would not be on his nineteenth thumb scroll down some social media page. He would be interacting with the family. He would be talking about things that matter. And so I'm working on that because I believe that that choice in my home is more like Jesus and better reflects what he would be doing if he was there. Now here are a couple of things that grow out of that. That's casting a shadow. Now, I have to be consistent. If I fade away in a week, it won't really be a shadow, will it? But if I can remain consistent in excellent growing in this area, though it may be unconscious to the kids or even to me, that changed imprint, that better defined shadow will be impactful, maybe even permanent with them. And also, to go back to where we started, you know how I said I'm one of those people who get annoyed by what other people are doing, even though I might be doing the same thing? Well, I may still get annoyed with my kids and their screen time, but at least I'm no longer approaching it from a perspective of hypocrisy, like do as I say, not as I do. I'm reversing that and saying, I'm just trying to do more of what Jesus would have me do. Now I stand on a much stronger foundation when I inform them of changes they will be making. In the end, we're just trying to become more like Christ. So listen, think about your influence, prepare to make a difference because you do make a difference, whether you're aware of it or not. Take on some responsibility on that, but don't let it stress you out. It's not like you have to figure this out how to be perfect, how to change everybody, how to be this perfect shadow. All you really need to do is take steps every day to stand more in alignment with the beautiful light of Jesus Christ. And when you do, in an incredible way, you will be casting a shadow. Thank you so much for listening today. We encourage you to check out the website excelstillmore.life, where you can subscribe to emails, order the three-month journal, or check out past episodes. As always, please consider sharing this with people in your life who you think we can help. And whatever you do today in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, excel still more.