Creating the Space

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I'd like to include the excerpts from the Q and A session by Dan Martell. He was asked, "What do you think about cutting out all distractions like social media, video games, and sugar?  He responded, "Awesome question. Whatever you are not willing to give up is going to be the thing that slows you down from achieving your dreams. If that list is really long, it is improbable that you will ever achieve anything important." He went on to say, "People ask me: 'Dan, what did you do to become successful?'" "It's not what I did, it's what I don't do. I don't drink. I don't eat sugar. I don't sleep in... So if you just get rid of all of those vices that hold you back, that's what CREATES THE SPACE for you to become more."

Transcript

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Welcome to season six of the Excel Still More Podcast. I am your host, Chris Emerson, and I am here to encourage you in your walk with the Lord, and I'm glad you've joined. Our program continues to be sponsored by Cunningham Financial Group. John is a good friend, and he's helped me and my family in everything from stock and mutual fund investing to annuities, life insurance, and retirement planning. I certainly commend him to you if you have needs in any of those areas. You can reach him at 205-326-7364. Thank you again for your ongoing encouragement and support. Let's get started. Hey, welcome. I'm really glad you're here, and it's always a pleasure to be with you. So I'm recording a little late in the week. It's Friday afternoon. I usually like to do this much earlier, but I'm coming off of an epic, I don't know, allergy attack, cold. I completely lost my voice Sunday night and it's been slowly coming back. I've been up most of each night coughing, and I'm finally making some real progress, but I know my voice is at least a little bit weird. So if it sounds different today, that's exactly the reason why. I can edit out all of the coughing that's going to happen over the next 20 minutes, but I can't make my voice sound normal. I am feeling a ton better today, so prayers are appreciated, but things are already headed the right direction. We've actually got a friend coming in to preach a gospel meeting here starting on Sunday. So other than last Wednesday night's class, where I just destroyed it with my coughing fits, I am fortunately in a little stretch where I don't have to do public teaching, so that's really great. Should be good to go by the next weekend. But I will say, just to share more personal information you didn't ask about, I am glad to feel better today because tonight's a really big deal for our family. I told you before, my daughter Hannah is pregnant with her first child, and she's due on her birthday, April the 21st. And tonight, family on both sides are gathering for the big gender reveal. It'll be my first time to experience that as a grandpa. I'm still working on names. K-Paw is in the lead, but we'll see how it goes. But I say that to add that I really would love it if you would pray for her. She's been pretty sick through this first trimester, and we just want everybody to be okay. Okay, enough about my side of the microphone. Let's talk about you, or I guess both of us. I tossed in a little bit last week that I was already working on an episode called Creating the Space, and that is pretty indicative of where we're going today. I want to challenge you and talk to you about creating space and voids and boredom and opportunity in your life to be creative, to be introspective, to try something new. The basic argument today is most of us know what we want to do. We know what better looks like. We just don't have the time to do it. And without that time readily available, we don't have the discipline to force it into place. And so we go week after week without real change. What if we started with subtraction? I almost entitled this episode Addition by Subtraction. What if we ended up adding better things by first subtracting things that are of lesser value? As I'll talk to you about today, you don't even have to have a clear view of what you want to do. You just need to acknowledge I need to do better. You don't have to have the perfect plan in steps ready to implement. If you do, that's great. And I'm going to give you examples today. But maybe you just have this general idea that says, I would love to read more. I would love to pray more. I would love to spend more time with my family. I don't exactly know what all that's going to look like or how we're going to make it work, but I am going to create space and just see what happens. In the early stages, you may just use that space to think or to have conversations with people you care about. Even that is a step towards victory and will bring about change very quickly. So let me give you a short snippet to get going of what brought all this into focus for me. I saw a short video. It was a speech being given by a guy named Dan Martell, kind of a QA session, and one of the young men asked him, I wonder, what do you think about cutting out all distractions like social media, video games, or sugar? And Dan, who is a business owner and author, very successful person, answered in this way. He said, Awesome question. Whatever you are not willing to give up is going to be the thing that slows you down from achieving your dreams. He said, if that list is really long, it is improbable that you will ever achieve anything important. He goes on to say, I get asked all the time, Dan, what did you do to become successful? He said, It's not what I did, it's what I don't do. I don't drink, I don't eat sugar, I don't sleep in. So if you get rid of all those vices that hold you back, that's what creates the space for you to become more. So I heard that just sort of by chance a couple of weeks ago, and it resonated with me, not just because it sounded like good advice, but because even this year in 2024, I can see the differences between successes and achievements in my life versus unfulfilled potential and how in the cases where things went well, I gave them an opportunity to do so. And otherwise, just hoping something would fit in never worked. Now, a couple of quick things from his statement that I want you to note. He said, whatever you are not willing to give up is going to be the thing that slows you down from achieving your dreams. And the novelty of this is it's not asking you to look at that dream and say, why am I not more passionate about this? Why am I not giving this more attention? It's saying you're not ready to look at that dream yet. You need to look at the things that you know don't really belong, that you know aren't that important or fulfilling, that you know zap incredible amounts of time, and you have to look at those first and begin to give them up. And even if you're somebody who says, you know, I don't know that I have any dreams or goals I'm pursuing right now, listen to his follow-up statement. If that list is really long, the things that are unimportant that you're not willing to give up, it is probable that you will never achieve anything important. Now look, no matter who you are or what your goal list looks like, everybody wants to achieve things that are important, that matter, that make a difference. I think all of us have been frustrated by why those things that we know matter aren't getting the attention they deserve. And what he's asking you to see is if it was a guest you were inviting to your table, they can't come and dine with you because all the seats are full. So what Martell is asking you to do is look at success by virtue of what you do not do. He said, I do not drink, I don't have sugar, I don't sleep in. Those are choices that fill a void. They fill your stomach, they fill your time. And the space they take and the way they affect other things that then take up more space, that's the first realization you have to have. Those things have got to go. Now I do want to talk to you a little bit about what can fill in those gaps, even if you can't see clearly what you'd like to add. But first we're trying to work through subtraction. And while I can't make that list for you, what needs to go, at least in this moment or season, I think I can give you an example that applies to most people. Almost everyone I know would admit that they are far too addicted to technology, to their smartphones, to television or video games, or some kind of digital input. They would acknowledge that they enjoy it, that it's like eating ice cream, it's fulfilling and great. But like what would happen to someone if they only ate ice cream and nothing nutritious, it becomes this thing that fills all of the open spaces in their lives. Have you seen that? The cell phone or iPad, you get home, you feast on it, you stop at a red light, you pull it out, you go into the restroom, which I will try to very carefully talk about here in a few minutes. Any little moment that could be preserved for prayer or planning something good that day, or preparing for or executing an important conversation, those important things don't even have a place to get seated, to sprout, to get you excited about them, because this easy fix is filling in all of those gaps. I mentioned the restroom, and I'll go ahead and use that as an example. I was talking to Luke earlier about how I should say this, and he coached me through it. But we started a young men's college age, young adult study with just guys a couple of weeks ago, and we've gone through a couple of those. And at the end of the first one, one of the challenges was set aside five minutes per day for prayer. Now, I don't know how that hits you, five minutes a day, that may be cake for you, but whatever you're doing in your prayer life right now, I challenge you today to find five extra minutes. Maybe it's in your commute with the radio off, but notice the radio's got to go off to create the space for prayer. Maybe it's at home at night, but I can almost guarantee something technologically is going to have to experience the off button. But what I got to thinking about is where I could find those five minutes. Now, there are several different things that happen in the American household restroom. Three things come to mind. You take a shower, you brush your teeth, and then of course you just have to go to the bathroom. Would you say, totaling all three of those together, that that is at least five minutes in every day of your life? For most of us, it's probably more than that. Just by deciding that your iPad or cell phone is not allowed in your restroom is a decision that opens up all kinds of opportunity for prayer and creative thought. I don't know about you, but for me, the shower, I thought for a while that that's just this place that the Holy Spirit met me. Sorry, I should caveat that by saying not literally and actually, but it was this place where I was always super creative. I would come up with my best ideas. I would often come busting out of the shower, grab the towel, and go find a sheet of paper and write down some things. We've gotten into this conversational habit where once a week I'll get cleaned up and I'll come into the kitchen and some will say, Well, did you work out the sermon for Sunday? And I'll be like, Yes, it just perfectly came together. Or the podcast, I can't wait to get to the building. It's all ready to go. So what is it about the shower? Is there some special presence of God there? No, not any more special than everywhere where God is. Does hot water make me think better? I don't think so. The reason that is such a creative and productive space is because of what is not there. I don't watch television there, I don't have my cell phone in there, I'm not reading a book in there. I'm just in this space with me, my own thoughts, and the Lord. And wouldn't you know it? A whole bunch of great things happen practically every single time. So if you want a really easy to identify and kind of awkward topic way to give this a go, when your carpet of your bedroom turns into tile for your bathroom, do not let technology cross that threshold. While we're talking about cell phones, let me give you another quick example. There's a family that worships with us, really great people, but they sometimes have some issues with their teen and preteen kids. So to really keep those kids dormant, they provided them cell phones for church where they're able to play games throughout. And I really think they would tell you that that doesn't work out super well. They become very obstinate to direction because they're so zoned in with their games, and of course they're not learning anything from the worship. So I talked to them recently and just productively, I understand they're going through a lot, and I just want to try to help them. But I said, why don't you let me grab those phones from them when they come in in the morning, and then when they leave, we'll return them and they can enjoy them afterwards. And she said something like, you know, we've tried that, but they don't enjoy Bible class, they don't enjoy worship, they just are really not into it. And my response was, okay, but unless you create a space for them to learn something, they'll never learn anything. Unless you create a void, a little spot of boredom, a little place where they can't get immediate ice cream input and they have to sit in front of a real meal, they'll never learn to eat it. We're not telling them you have to like Bible class and you have to take notes for the sermons. We're just saying we're going to create a space where something good can happen. And while cell phone games might keep them docile, nothing good comes of it in the short term or the long. And again, I want to emphasize this heavily. It's not even about demanding better behavior. I'm not even saying you have to demand all kinds of positive, goal-oriented actions on your own part. I'm saying focus on creating that space and let's just see what happens. It's kind of like our family at dinner. When we sit down to dinner, we don't have our cell phones there, we're not watching television unless maybe the Astros are on or something. But we don't sit there and make everybody talk to one another. Like, what are your three highs and three lows today? Or here's a special question for the night. We just sit together and eat without distractions and almost without fail, what happens? All kinds of good stuff. Summer, by the way, my wife has always been great with this with the kids. We still have two at home that were schooling, they're 11 and 13. They have their TV time, their laptop time. Nick has his video game time. Ella just likes to read books and crochet and knit and stuff, but they have their time for that. But they also have their time when they're not allowed to do those things. They're not told what they have to do. They're just told they can't seclude themselves and do those things. Maybe they just have to go outside for an hour or two. They can play basketball together or pickleball or just sit outside, but they have to go and do it. And they always figure out something good to do. Doesn't it feel like it used to be more like that? I know it was when I was little. My mom would literally lock the doors. She'd go, you know what? I'll unlock these around 530. And we found all kinds of things to explore and get into, not always good, but always creative and interesting that we wouldn't have even thought of if we weren't made to be bored and then figure out that boredom. And I want you to understand that this can work on a more professional level all across the spectrum. I was on a phone call the other day with a friend, Tim Byers, and he was in a very lofty position, IT-related position in Shell Oil Company. And his boss told him, I want you to take an hour a day for the next month and do nothing. No work. Just sit in your office, think, and go over things in your head. And Tim was like, I can't do that. I'm not busy. He said, I know. I don't want you to be busy. I just want you to think. And I probably don't even have to finish this story for you. Tim and others who engaged in that, when they became comfortable with the space that got created, they came up with great ideas that saved the company tons of money. Here's another example from my own life. I made a commitment to never write a book. It sounded really, really hard, and it turns out it is really, really hard. I didn't want anything permanent down on record. I'm just learning right alongside everybody else. And of all the things I've endeavored to do to encourage people, I just never envisioned that that would be one of them. And yet, in about a month, my first actual published devotional book covering the four gospels is set to be released. And here's how that worked. Sometime around late spring, I had this idea and I thought, can I really do this? Maybe, but I don't even know what it would look like or how I would do it. And I certainly don't think I had the time for it. So please understand, I had no clear vision of how it would even happen. But for some reason, and this was before I saw Dan Martell's quote, it occurred to me that even if I wanted to do it, I had no space wherein to venture into it. So I just decided to cut some things down. I took social media off of my phone so I could sit and think about it a little more. I like to play a little PlayStation for the last hour each night before bed, and I thought that might be a time to dig in a little bit. I had already kind of fallen out of love with golf a little bit and thought about maybe hanging it up for the summer. And all of a sudden I had time. And the only thing I was sure I wasn't going to do is fill it back in with stuff that wasn't directional or important. So at first I just kind of sat there and thought about what all this might look like and how it could come together and who could help. Then instead of goofing around, I made a couple of phone calls. And then I watched a couple of YouTube videos, and before you knew it, I was writing. And that's the part, I know I've said this already multiple times, I want you to get. You don't have to have the clearest vision in the world of the great thing you're going to do. Because even if you got it now with a whole bunch of fluff and stuff packing your schedule full, it would go by the wayside anyway. Speaking of schedules, we may as well have this tough little conversation here near the end. Some things are going to have to get cut. I don't just mean cell phones in the evenings. I mean things off the calendar that are getting in the way. As a preacher, I see so many families that I wish were more involved, just for example, in the local work, in hospitality, in meeting visitors, in evangelistic work. These are great people who would be awesome at these tasks. And if you ask them about it, they're going to say, yes, I would love to do those things. And then the next word they're going to use is but. And then after that is going to come a lot of stuff that they're telling you is less important. But they're also telling you they don't feel like they can do anything about it. Remember what Dan said. Whatever you're not willing to give up is going to be the thing that slows you down. If that list is really long, it's improbable that you will ever achieve anything important. I'm so passionate about the topic of service. I probably shouldn't even get into it today, but I just got off the phone with a member who's been here for two years and they haven't made any real connections. And they feel like they've tried and they're from out of state and others haven't responded. And I can just see that picture playing out in my head, so busy, so many things going on that we can't even see anymore the value of being together and loving one another. So please, for more reasons than just you achieving some awesome goal, create some space in your life for God to work, for God to work on you and with you and through you. Now I need to wrap this up. My throat's starting to burn, but right here at the end, let me give you something practical that you've heard me talk about before that can really help. I think I've told you about preachers who call me and say, I'm too busy, I'm overwhelmed, I'm worn out or burned out. They want more time with their family, they need more time to think, and they just don't have it. I can easily encourage them with the positive things, like here's what you need more of. If you can find a space for these things, it will get better. That's not too difficult to do. I just read a series of articles this last week about preacher burnout and how they studied monks all over the world over the last handful of centuries and why they're always so at peace. And it's because of four things, and they're not difficult to list. They set aside time every day to nourish their mind and heart. They set aside time every day to exercise or work with their bodies. They spend time around people that need help and they serve them, and they spend time around people who are nourishing to them and they draw the energy that they need to thrive. I mean, there you go, right? That should be its own episode. That's the good stuff. But first, I have to talk to these young men about how you find the time. So what I'll have them do is pull out a sheet of paper and draw two horizontal lines, creating three sections. As it relates, for instance, in this case to their work, in the top section, they have to write crucial things, the parts of their work and life that are absolutely 100% non-negotiable. Things like building and presenting a sermon. In the middle section, I ask them to write important things. They didn't make the non-negotiable list, but they are a really big deal. Maybe it's writing a bulletin or visiting people a couple days a week. Then in the third category, just list the other stuff, stuff that you do associated with your work or your faith or your daily living that aren't important, but they're just a part of who you are. Then I ask them to do two things. Number one, tear off the bottom third and throw it in the garbage. That's done. You don't do those anymore. They just disappeared right now. Secondly, X out one half of the things in the middle category, the important category. Those are gone too. They're on hold, at least for now. The rest of these things, keep doing. Do better, have more time to think and plan and execute, and use the time that you freed up to be with your family to be more prayerful. Or like the monks, to work on your heart and body, your service to others, and your support from them. You know, maybe that approach can help you, maybe not. But I can assure you that the great things you do in your life, you can do even better, and that there are important things that God wants you to do in your life that are waiting for you. But you have to go first, faithfully, prayerfully, and intentionally creating the space. Thank you for joining us today. If you found value in this episode, consider sharing it with a friend. And speaking of friends, if you have any mortgage-related needs, whether you're a first-time home buyer, exploring refinancing options, or dreaming of future home ownership goals, reach out to Tyler Kane. He's a senior loan officer at Statewide Mortgage. This company is founded by a fellow believer in Louisville, Kentucky, and is dedicated to helping families achieve their dreams of home ownership. Tyler offers 20 years of expertise and dedication to guide you through every step of the process. You can find Tyler's website link in our show notes or contact him directly at 813 380 8487. And always remember whatever you do in the name of Jesus Christ, excel still more.