Episode 37: How to Confidently Have Performance Conversations | 12MinuteLeadership

Performance conversations don’t have to feel heavy, awkward, or relationship-damaging. 

Yet for many leaders, they’re the most avoided — or the most frustrating — part of the job.

In this week’s episode of 12-Minute Leadership, I break down how to confidently have performance conversations that actually change behavior, strengthen trust, and build accountability — without fear or defensiveness. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why most leaders fall into one of three traps: avoiding, vague feedback, or overcorrecting 
• How clarity before the conversation makes accountability feel fair — not personal 
• Why informal, ongoing feedback matters more than annual reviews 
• How to “call people up” instead of calling them out 
• Two simple frameworks (SBI + Appreciative Inquiry) to keep conversations focused and productive 

If performance conversations have felt uncomfortable, here’s the reframe:

You don’t need perfect words. You need clarity, consistency, and care.

If this episode helped you, share it with another leader who needs more skills and confidence in their performance conversations, which is most of us!

Remember to subscribe to this podcast so you never miss an episode.

You can also pick up my book, Lead Anyone, on Amazon

Go to www.eliseboggs.com for more info on how we can help you achieve your leadership goals. 

Transcript

Why Performance Talks Feel Hard

Three Leader Types

Laying Groundwork With Clarity

Formal Vs Informal Feedback

Relationship And Trust

Calling Up Vs Calling Out

Tool One: SBI Framework

Tool Two: Appreciative Inquiry

Facing Common Fears

Speaker 0:02

Welcome to the 12 Minute Leadership Podcast, where in 12 minutes or less, I'll share small things that you can put into immediate practice that will make a big difference in your leadership effectiveness. I'm your host, Elise Boggs Morales, leadership professor, consultant, and coach. For the last 17 years, I have helped thousands of leaders level up their influence and achieve remarkable results. If you want to trade compliance for true commitment and create your dream team, you are in the right place. Get ready for a quick hit of practical wisdom to increase your team's engagement, inspire top performance, and retain your best talent. Ready to level up your influence and get better results? 12 minutes starts now. Hi everyone, Elise here. Welcome back to the podcast. Today we're continuing a conversation that comes up constantly in my work with leaders, and that is performance conversations. For many leaders, this is one of the most uncomfortable parts of their role. And it's not because they don't care, but because they don't want to damage relationships, demotivate people, or say the wrong thing. So today we're going to talk about how to confidently have performance conversations in a way that builds accountability and trust. So let's start by identifying where you are right now. Most leaders, in my experience, land in one of three categories. First, the avoider. You delay performance conversations, you hope things will improve on their own, you worry about hurting feelings or creating tension. Second, the unproductive conversationalist. You do have performance conversations, but they don't change behavior. They feel vague, emotional, or circular. You walk away frustrated, and so does the other person. And finally, the confident leader. You address performance clearly and calmly, expectations are understood, people know where they stand and trust you because of it. And the good news is that confidence in performance conversations is just a matter of building a skill set. It's not a fixed personality trait. And it actually starts before the conversation ever happens. So let's talk about laying the groundwork. Performance conversations are much easier when the groundwork has been laid. And the groundwork is clarity. Clarity around their role, the responsibilities of their role, performance expectations, and how success is measured. One of the biggest pieces of feedback I get from people about their leaders is a lack of clarity about what's expected of them, especially if they are seeking promotion. They don't feel like the path is clear. Many leaders assume competent people should just know. But when expectations aren't explicit, accountability feels unfair. Plus, you may have nuances about your expectations that differ from another leader, but no one can read your mind. Clear expectations turn performance conversations from this feels personal into we're talking about the work. This distinction matters. So let's talk about formal versus informal performance conversations. Most organizations rely heavily on formal performance reviews, often once or twice a year, and these are important. But confident leaders don't rely on formal conversations alone. That's not enough touch points. They also develop skill in informal ongoing feedback. Why? Because when informal feedback is happening regularly, formal reviews hold no surprises. There's nothing worse than knowing you could have worked on something that you were never told and then hearing about it for the first time in your review. Also, trust is higher and performance improves faster. Think of informal conversations as quick course corrections, real-time coaching, and moments of alignment. The goal is not constant evaluation, it's continuous clarity. Another aspect of laying the groundwork is recognizing that relationship is the foundation of these types of conversations. Performance conversations are always easier when there's relational equity. If the only time someone hears from you is when something's wrong, feedback will feel threatening. But when you regularly talk about goals, challenges, development, strengths, and wins, performance conversations feel like support, not attack. Trust doesn't eliminate accountability, it makes accountability possible. And people consider feedback you give them a way of showing that you care. You care about their growth and development and want to ensure that they have the information they need to succeed. An ongoing relationship provides context for feedback conversations that just lands better. Another thing I want to emphasize is that your posture matters. And I came up with this phrase, calling up versus calling out. This is one of the most important distinctions I teach leaders. You can address the same issue in two very different ways. Calling out says, this isn't acceptable, you need to fix it. Calling up says, I believe you're capable of more, and this matters. Calling up says, I see your potential and I'm invested in your growth. The posture you bring into the conversation matters as much as the words you use. So now that we've laid the groundwork and I've given you some tips on how to set up these conversations well and what kind of cadence would work well, I want to give you two tools to guide the conversation. These are two simple frameworks that I use that help us as leaders stay grounded and effective. The first is SBI, which stands for situation, behavior, and impact. You may have heard of this. This keeps feedback specific and objective. So situation is when and where did it happen. Behavior, what specifically did you observe, and impact. Why does it matter? Here's an example. In yesterday's meeting, Situation, I noticed that you came unprepared. Behavior, which made it difficult for the team to fully engage and share ideas. Impact. This removes emotion and guesswork and keeps the focus on behavior, not character. The second tool is appreciative inquiry or the four Ds. You've heard me share about this on the podcast before, but this is especially helpful for development-focused conversations. The first D discover asks what's working. The second dream asks what could be possible. The third D, design asks, what needs to change. And the fourth D deliver says, what's the next step? This framework helps leaders reinforce strengths, invite ownership, and co-create solutions together. Performance conversations don't always need to feel heavy. They can be generative. So before I close things out, I want to address some common fears that many leaders often carry into these conversations. What if they get defensive? What if they don't like me? What if I say it wrong? What if they quit? These are normal and common concerns, but let's zoom out to the larger picture. Avoiding performance conversations doesn't protect people, it protects problems. And it often creates confusion, erodes trusts, and hurts high performers who are doing the right things. Clarity, delivered with care, is one of the kindest leadership acts there is. So in closing, if performance conversations have felt uncomfortable or intimidating, remember, you don't need to be perfect. You need to be clear, consistent, and human. Confidence comes from preparation, relationship, and practice, not from having all the right words. And when done well, performance conversations don't damage trust. They build it. So, I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Share it with another leader who needs more skills and confidence in their performance conversations, which is most of us. I'll see you next time. Like what you heard on today's episode and want to go deeper? Subscribe to this podcast so you never miss an episode. You can also pick up my book, Lead Anyone, on Amazon. Then, go to my website to check out ways that we can support your leadership goals. From executive retreats to customized training and coaching, my team of experts will help you level up your leadership and accelerate your results. Go to www.eliseboggs.com for more info.