Episode 58: Whose Definition of Leadership Success Are You Living? | 12MinuteLeadership

Leadership success isn't just about what you accomplish—it's about who you're becoming along the way.

In this episode of the 12MinuteLeadership Podcast, Elise challenges one of the most influential stories leaders carry: their definition of success. Many of us inherit our view of success from parents, mentors, culture, or past leaders without ever stopping to ask if it truly aligns with the life we want to build. The result? We can spend years pursuing achievements that look impressive on the outside but leave us exhausted or unfulfilled on the inside.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why many leaders unknowingly inherit their definition of success
• The difference between achievement and true fulfillment
• The hidden costs that often accompany external success
• Why the next generation is challenging traditional leadership models
• How great leaders model a version of success others actually want to follow
• Three reflection questions to help you redefine success for yourself

Success isn't just about reaching the next milestone—it's about becoming the kind of leader others are inspired to follow. Listen now, and if this episode challenged your thinking, share it with another leader who could benefit from the conversation.

Transcript

Welcome And The Inner Work

Speaker 0:02

Welcome to the 12-Minute Leadership Podcast, where in 12 minutes or less, I'll share small things that you can put into immediate practice that will make a big difference in your leadership effectiveness. I'm your host, Elise Boggs Morales, leadership professor, consultant, and coach. For the last 17 years, I have helped thousands of leaders level up their influence and achieve remarkable results. If you want to trade compliance for true commitment and create your dream team, you are in the right place. Get ready for a quick hit of practical wisdom to increase your team's engagement, inspire top performance, and retain your best talent. Ready to level up your influence and get better results? 12 minutes starts now. Hi everyone, Elise here. Welcome back to the podcast. Over the last two episodes, we've been exploring what I like to call the inner work of leadership. It began with my conversation with my coach, Rosanne Austin, where we talked about how our mindset influences every area of our lives, not just our careers, but our relationships, our decisions, and ultimately our results. Then last week we took that conversation one step further and explored the stories that shape our leadership. We talked about how many of the beliefs driving our behavior aren't actually facts, they're stories we tell ourselves. Stories like, it's all on me. As a leader, I have to have all the

Who Taught You Success

Speaker 1:35

answers. If I slow down, everything will fall apart. Today, I want to explore what may be the biggest story of all. How do you define success? After coaching leaders for nearly two decades, I've come to believe that many successful people spend years climbing a ladder only to discover it was leaning against the wrong wall. Success is rarely examined. Very few of us ever stop and ask, who taught me what success looks like? Maybe it was your parents, your profession, the culture you grew up in, media, or perhaps the leaders who came before you. Without realizing it, we often inherit a definition of success instead of intentionally choosing one. If we don't take the time to question it, we spend years chasing the things that don't actually matter or truly fulfill us. There is often a hidden deception about success. Success isn't bad, achievement isn't bad, promotions aren't bad, building a thriving business isn't bad, financial success isn't bad. The danger comes when we confuse achievement with fulfillment. When we assume that if we just accomplish one more thing, earn one more promotion, grow the business a little more, land that big client, or finally achieve that next milestone, then we'll finally feel successful.

Achievement Versus Fulfillment

Speaker 3:03

During my conversation with Rosanne, she shared a story that really stayed with me. For years, she dreamed of owning an Hermes Birkin bag. It represented success in her mind. She finally bought one, opened the box, and realized it wasn't the source of fulfillment she thought it would be. It caused her to ask a much bigger question. Who defined success for me in the first place? I think that's a question every leader should wrestle with. One of the questions I often ask executive leaders is, what does success look like for you? Almost always, the first answers involve metrics. Revenue, growth, market share, promotions, awards, titles. Those things certainly matter. And eventually I ask another question: who do you want to become while achieving those things? Leadership isn't only measured by what you accomplish, it's also measured by who you're becoming in the process. Also, sometimes success has a hidden cost that requires more than we intended to pay. I've coached leaders who achieved incredible professional success while neglecting their health, their marriage, their friendships, their peace. From the outside, everyone admired them. On the inside, they were exhausted. One of the greatest dangers in leadership is receiving applause for something that's quietly costing you too

Leading Without Chronic Exhaustion

Speaker 4:35

much. That brings me to something I've been noticing more and more. I'll often hear emerging leaders say something like this if leadership means constant stress, endless meetings, sacrificing my family, and being available 24-7, I'm not sure I want that promotion. I think we should pay attention to that, not because this generation lacks ambition, but because they're asking us an important question. Is there another way to lead? I believe there is. I believe leadership and sacrifice will always go hand in hand. Leadership requires difficult decisions, responsibility, accountability, and seasons of intense effort. But I don't believe leadership has to require chronic exhaustion. I don't believe it has to come at the expense of your health, your family, your relationships, or your sense of purpose. In fact, I believe one of the greatest responsibilities of today's leaders is to model a version of success that others actually want to emulate. Whether we realize it or not, people are watching us. They're not just listening to what we say, they're observing how we live. They're asking themselves, if I become a leader like them, is that the life I want? That's an important question. Leadership isn't just about producing results, it's about creating a model worth following. Over the last couple years, my definition of success has definitely evolved and changed. Earlier in my career, success looked a lot like achievement. More clients, more revenue, more opportunities. And while I still care deeply about excellence and making an impact, today my definition is much broader. Success includes meaningful work, but it also includes margin, peace, presence, time with my family, and presence as a parent of young children, living consistently with my values, creating a business that supports my life instead of consuming

A Better Definition And Three Questions

Speaker 6:38

it, helping leaders grow while still being fully present for the people I love. I don't just want to reach the finish line, I want to enjoy the race. Here are three questions to reflect on this week. First, who defined success for you? And where did your current definition come from? Second, is it producing the life you actually want or simply the life you've been taught to pursue? And third, if no one was watching, no titles, no awards, no promotions, no social media, what would success look like? These could be challenging questions, but they're important ones because clarity changes your decisions. So in closing, leadership isn't about accomplishing more. It's about becoming more intentional. Intentional about your leadership, about your relationships, your priorities, and intentional about how you define success. If you don't define success for yourself, someone else will. And before you know it, you'll find yourself living someone else's version of a successful life. I'll leave you with one final question. If someone followed your example, not just your advice, would they end up with the kind of life you hope they have? The greatest measure of success isn't simply living the life you've built. It's whether the people watching your leadership are inspired to build one like it.

Final Challenge And Next Steps

Speaker 8:10

So, I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Share it with another leader who needs it. I'll see you next time. Like what you heard on today's episode and want to go deeper? Subscribe to this podcast so you never miss an episode. You can also pick up my book, Lead Anyone, on Amazon. Then, go to my website to check out ways that we can support your leadership goals. From executive retreats to customized training and coaching, my team of experts will help you level up your leadership and accelerate your results. Go to www.eliseboggs.com for more info.